Malapropisms

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 06:32 PM

I am reminded of Tom Lehrer talking about the necrophiliac who fulfilled his childhood dream and became coroner.

Then when only a few people laughed, added The rest of you can look it up when you get home.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 10:37 AM

People come up with these on the sperm of the moment.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Jos
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 10:09 AM

A few years ago there was a young man serving in the local bookshop. When a customer asked after the manager, the young man said that he wasn't well, and had to go into the back of the shop sometimes as he was suffering from necrophilia.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 08:03 AM

Hahahaaaaaagh Acorn, that's hilarious!

It reminds me of the lady at the garden centre who asked if they had any gonorrhoeia. She meant that large-leaved water's edge plant Gunnera.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: The Sandman
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 07:30 AM

thats wonderful, acorn , a freudian slit

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Acorn4
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 06:39 AM

We enter the world of "Footballers' English:-

"Rose Scented Glasses"

then there was our friends grandma who said she had a clitoris growing on the trellis round her door.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 06:37 AM

My son when very young referred to "the incredering hulk" !!

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Senoufou
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 05:11 AM

Here in Norfolk you'll hear these sort of things all day long!
Neighbour told me her friend had had a brain haemorrhoid. (piles in the brain?)
Nearly everyone here calls a certificate a 'sustificate'.
And many women have what they term 'various veins'.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: The Sandman
Date: 27 Mar 21 - 04:20 AM

i had a wonderful email today." I have been working like a trojan horse" even better it was spelled trogon horse

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: GUEST,Bert on Kelly's machine.
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 08:07 PM

Then there is the Cockney habit of deliberately mispronouncing words of three or more syllables.

Had this friend who always called "The Commissary" "The Commissionaire"

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 07:13 PM

Yes, genie... I googled Norm and it is he. A master! Perhaps I was wrong about the "resemble', but, Norm is the master, as far as i have seen. And, good beyond that... one of the most frequent quotes on variuos websites is about fearing to go to trial with a jury made up of 12 people who were not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Mike Miller
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 04:29 PM

My mother used to say, "Don't make a canary.", which was her mispronouncing of the Yiddish "Keinohera", tempting the evil eye.
That is why, whenevre a Jew says something complimentary, he must temper it with a disclaimer or, at least, by spitting three times.
For instance, he might say, "What a beautiful baby, keinihera." That evil eye is always on the lookout for good looking children.
My ex stumbled into a wonderful spoonerism, some years ago. We were driving past the Wonder Bread bakery, in Conshehocken. She took a deep breath, smiled, and said, "Oh, I love to smell the bed breaking." Hell, who doesn't?

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: GUEST,Irene
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 02:52 PM

A friend of mine came up with some cracking inventions.
She had a ton of "Aphrodite" delivered for the open fire. (Anthracite?)
Someone we knew had trouble with "Hermones". That has been quite a useful one.

Just to be an awkward sod, I refer to buying "orgasmic" milk, veg etc, just to watch the victim's eyes unfocus while they think about it.

My mother said that her mother came home from a church meeting, (as an adolescent, I think) mildly hysterical. A woman had been lecturing on mission work in "Lupus Lumpus". We have never worked out where she was talking about.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 01:32 PM

Gnu, yes, Norm Crosby's whole comedic was based on malapropisms.

But "I resemble that remark" goes back decades before him. I can't remember whether it was Groucho Marx or some other mid-20th C. comedian who used to say that all the time, but one of them did.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bainbo
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 11:55 AM

Jimmy Durante was prone to them, wasn't he? "That's a tissure of prefabrications".

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 07:06 AM

Gosh... I just can't remember the name of the American comedian who does so many of these in his acts. Norm ????

The one that sticks out in my mind is, "I resemble that remark."

Crosby??... Norm Crosby?

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bainbo
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 05:53 AM

We've just bade farewell at work to a young woman, one of whose endearing qualities was the ability to engage her mouth before putting her brain into gear. Her bon mots were assiduously catalogued by one of her colleagues. The one I can remember that came closest to a malapropism was:

"Are you sure they're called tuxedos? Aren't they what the Germans used to bomb people with?"

Non-malapropisms included: "Do dogs have skin?" and "Tea comes from China - like polar bears."

The same colleague once explained her condition to her in this sympathetic way: "I've come across people before whose mouths work faster than their brains. But in your case, your mouth is doing 70mph the wrong way down the motorway, waving a whisky bottle out of the window, while your brain is still patting its pockets and muttering ' Now, car keys ...' "

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 08:28 PM

Yesterday at a church dinner a woman complained that the rice in the casserole wasn't quite done, and I kiddingly said, "It's 'al dente."   The woman laughed and said that her mom gets mixed up and refers to pasta like that as "al detente."

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 01:12 PM

When aah did me trainin' as a naval meteorologist one of the lads wrote in an exam "...... is a specific weather report for shipping porpoises" instead of purposes

The same guy should have written 'Fracto-stratus', to describe the cloud that gives us drizzle, but he wrote 'Fractus-cactus'

He passed the course anyway and now works for The Met Office in the UK - Aah think he meks the tea

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: GUEST,HughM
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 08:14 AM

Just seen an advert in which a scientific recruitment agency is asking for a "Regularity Affairs Co-ordinator". I presume they mean "regulatory", or could they be looking for someone to encourage the consumption of more dietary fibre?
    Written by a pupil at our local primary school after a series of lessons on world leaders: "Mussolini was shot and hung upside down in a pizza in Milan".

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Hawker
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 06:34 AM

My Mother in law describes people who are Psychotic as Psychic, she has lots more incorrect descriptions, which I cannot remember but it is often impossible to keep a straight face when she is talking.
Cheers, Lucy

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bert
Date: 31 Aug 07 - 12:30 AM

Highland Schithoose... Bwaaaah! I haven't stopped laughing yet.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 30 Aug 07 - 05:32 PM

Cheers Bert! Aah like the optical delusion!

Me Uncle Albert was a right comedian and he used te say te me Mam, "Howay wor Jean aa'll teach ye how te dance the Highland Schithoose"

Honest! It's a wonder aah ever learnded te speak Endlandish at aall

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Aug 07 - 09:21 AM

Not a malapropism, but definitely a wise thing to say to a class of young high school students in the Co-ed Chess Hobby Group...

"I want silence, except when mating!"

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 07:15 PM

I just remembered a guy I used to work with once stepped on a nail, and was afraid to go to the hospital for fear they'd give him one of those 'tenative' shots. (Yes, he even mispronounced the malapropism)

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Stringsinger
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 07:09 PM

Geordie,

There was someone I knew who would say about a self-important person,
"He has the wrong altitude."

Frank

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bert
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 06:34 PM

Don't you mean an optical delusion?

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 06:09 PM

Aah! The biny little tirds!

When aah wez a sailor (like me Da', Bubblyrat) we used te use malapropisms aall the time

Like "... He would say that! That's his tropical altitude (typical attitude)

"It's just a tropical illusion" (Optical)

Subject: RE: Malapropisms, spoonerisms, mondegreens, etc.
From: Genie
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 12:17 PM

LOL, Stringsinger.

Actually your "Pralamopisms" are "spoonerisms" (named for the Rev. Spooner, who was notorious for saying things like "Jesus, the shoving leopard of his flock").

Oh, and the way I heard that last one was:

"Mardon me, Padame, but you are occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to a sheet in the cack of the birch?"

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: GUEST,HiLo
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 11:04 AM

I once knew a maths teacher who warned students not to"conjugate at the water fountain".

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 01:59 AM

ROFLMAFAO, Stringsinger!

§;-D

Genie

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bert
Date: 29 Aug 07 - 01:01 AM

Greg B, re: "Hone/Home"

unless of course they meant to say "horn in" which is a different saying altogether.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM

Greg B, re: "Hone/Home"

Hooray! Someone has stood up for truth and justice!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 07:52 PM

"anybody know if My Music copies can be obtained"

There have been some books with the famous 'My Word' (same 2 major participants) stories - I seem to remember that there were some BBC cassettes a while ago of a few selected either the Word or Music shows - but they are still broadcast regularly in Australia - not afrequently as they used to be a few years ago.

I'd suggest contacting the BBC website (shop area) - maybe you can ask a question there if they do not show up.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Greg B
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 07:39 PM

A lot of business people have, in the last decade, over-used
the phrase 'honing in on.' You don't 'hone in' on something.
You 'home in' on something.

Or you 'hone' your skills, etc.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Stringsinger
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 05:28 PM

P.S.

Mardon P madame, you are occupewing the wrong pie. Mustaginnit, I will sew you to another sheet.

This would fall into the category of Pralamopisms.

Ham

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Stringsinger
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 05:25 PM

I resemble your interference by the use of ambidexterous words. The affect is truly misreprehensive and is the cause of a great sauce of contusions. In the remediate future I would ask that you refine your obligations to preclude the defecations of each one clearly without taking remorse to misleaning tissues. So that these malaproperties can be voluminated, I behest you to state fanatically your invention. It has come to my retention that your mythologies are for the porpoise of misalligning your readers. This said, it is my attention to ratify the defending language by reclusive dialect.

We, as a specious and genius of high calibrate inhumanity, rechoir an intensive collaboration of the foregoing to shed elimination on the abject. It is depressive how so few can be eluded into misappropriate relapses. For this season it is incompetent on me to
refine you that such inflections will not be mistaken slightly.

Ham Frankleton

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 04:08 PM

I worked with someone who repeatedly referred to packages sent by US Mail as "partial post."

I once heard a political pundit on the radio discussing a primary election in which Democrats would be able to vote on the Republican side of the ballot (the Democratic side was uncontested). She said she expected Democrats would "skewer the results."

The director of maintenance at the university where I work gave a short talk describing several repair and renovation projects that were going on this summer. His Power Point slide mentioned a plan to replace a "rod iron fence."

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: bfdk
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 03:29 PM

I've heard that in the old days witches were burned at the steaks.. ;-)

Best wishes,

Bente

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: DMcG
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 10:52 AM

I don't want to imply my wife is a constant source of malapropisms, but she wanted to make some damsel jam earlier today ...

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 09:51 AM

Shitzu - isn't that some kind of Japanese massage ;-)

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: terrier
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 07:03 PM

Ma Mam aalwez thought a shitzu was one that didn't have any animals!!

LOL GP, I'd not heard that one.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 05:53 PM

Black Belt in Origami?

D'ye not mean a black belt in Karachi?

Ma Mam aalwez thought a shitzu was one that didn't have any animals!!

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Genie
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 02:17 PM

Groooooaaaannnnn, Bill!

*g*

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 10:41 AM

"...a black belt in origami."

He won very few matches...he always folded.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 09:16 AM

I used to know a guy who had a black belt in origami.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Bainbo
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 06:23 AM

Theor ye gan, marra

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 02:41 AM

Aye Little Hawk

Aah gerrit from me Mam & Dad.

If ye are hevvin' trouble with me accent try tis

http://www.geordie.org.uk/geordie.htm

Sorry, aah cannit dee the blue clickie thing yet!

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: terrier
Date: 25 Aug 07 - 05:56 PM

My mother was explaining to us how my eldest sister accidently reversed her car into some bollocks, made it very hard to keep a straight face.

Subject: RE: Malapropisms
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 07 - 04:54 PM

Ye've got a bonny way wi' worrrds, dinna ye?