Worst pickup lines ever

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:05 AM

When I first met Carol (1966)I was working at the Folklore Center in Chicago's Old Town. I told her my name was ART GUTHRIE--thinkin' that'd impress her. She had never heard of Woody!!! I went on to be her teacher in things folk etc.

Art

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 99 - 01:19 AM

What's your sign?

I'm a feces.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: gargoyle
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:19 AM

What's your sign? NEON

From a Dr. DeMento program circa 1973

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 14 May 99 - 12:21 AM

Ok. That's the worst. Worse even than, "Hi, I'm an Aries with herpes rising..." which I actually heard once. We Libras take deep offense at such, don'cha' know...

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 May 99 - 03:28 AM

I've always been painfully shy (except in front of an audience - no help at all in chatting up birds). I've always relied on standing around looking lost, bewildered, shy, etc. and waiting for an older woman to take pity and come over and mother me. It never works. Worse, at my age, the older women are ... well, older.

Wow! Sexist and agist in one go! How many people have I offended?

Steve

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From:
Date: 14 May 99 - 08:10 AM

The one that we used to use too not much effect was ,'Is your Cinderella coming out tonight ,pet ?' or 'How much d'ye charge to haunt a hoose ? and the Sid the sexist one 'You don't sweat much for a fat lass !'

A mate of mine ,who was 'a bit of a lad' used to ask 'D'ye hav' any fantasies ? you'd be amazed at the amount of lasses who would actually tell him what they were..the dirty buggers.

Reminiscing Ritchie

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 14 May 99 - 10:28 AM

One I heard in jest: "I can name all three of the Hudson Brothers."

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: manylodges
Date: 15 May 99 - 12:06 AM

I was in a bar in Norfolk when I heard this one. "hey sweetheart, does your belly button go in or out". When she replied "in", he came back with" thats ashame, If it went out we could have played snaps." I don't remember if he got the girl, I was half way into a bottle of scotch trying desperatly not to smash my guitar while cranking out a mean verse of Stew Ball.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 16 May 99 - 03:17 PM

This wasn't precisely a pick-up line -- more like a Pickup line, as in Chevy Pickup -- but when I moved to Wyoming three years ago I saw this line in a singles ad: (I just happened to glance...)

"Looking for a ranch-raised woman. Hay bales no problem."

Which I took to mean that she should be able to lift hay bales without difficulty. Maybe it meant he'd have no problem with it if she brought her own hay bales ...

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: danl
Date: 17 May 99 - 03:48 PM

that message from LEJ in the doorknockers thread reminded me (in a round about way) of i line id heard used with succsess this weekend which prompted a long discussion....

"nice shoes. want to f**k?"

i mean, how do you get away with that??

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: no name on this, please!
Date: 18 May 99 - 11:09 AM

Once, a good looking car-hop told me, "Baby, light my fire." I politely told her I didn't have any matches.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 12:40 PM

Reading this lot explains the time when I heard a man repeating to another woman what I thought to have been a conversation at the time, but subtly altered, because he had added some of my responses to the spiel. I got revenge, though.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Easy Rider
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:42 PM

Once, at a 1969 Grateful Dead concert, at the Fillmore East, at the end of the show:

Pigpen pointed to a girl in the audience and gave her the "finger" (you know, the raised middle finger). She eagerly shook her head "Yes", he lifted her up to the stage and they went off together...

No foolin'; I saw it.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 18 May 99 - 01:52 PM

In the early eighties I worked with a very plain looking, boring guy who for some reason thought himself a real Don Juan. Clad in a lime green leisure suit and cooly blowing smoke out of his mouth, he would ask an attractive women "What agency are you with?" which would usually draw a blank stare and a "come again?" to which he would reply "well you are a model, aren't you?" I don't know if it was the line or the presentation that bothered me more, but I still get the creeps thinking about it. I never once saw it work, but he kept trying.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 18 May 99 - 04:00 PM

Penny S,

Explain. You've got me curious.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S
Date: 18 May 99 - 05:06 PM

Bert, I take it you mean the revenge. The pick up line wasn't much. He had a fancy middle name, which I had suggested sounded Arthurian, so added that to his introduction to the other woman. We were at a badminton club for school staff, friends and colleagues - he was from another school. Everyone went to the pub after, but I had taken to not doing so, so as to be able to walk home before the pubs closed. He, living near me, had offered a regular lift so I could do so. He started chatting up a student from Eltham in front of me - since he had been gazing at me as if I were Helen of Troy (very disconcerting) until then this was not pleasing. Hearing my own words in the pick-up lines was more so. I went to the pub. He offered the student a lift to the station, telling her it was not out of his way (twice round the one way system, it was), and then realised that there was a problem. He looked at me, as if I were a bloke who would conveniently leave him free to give her the lift. I looked at my watch meaningly. It was late, and he had offered to protect me from being a woman crossing the town alone. "Oh," he said. So I sat in the back seat of his Morris 1000 as he drove her to the station, feeling very smug. It seems very petty, looking back. I really knew that the situation would arise, so it was a little maliciously that I did go to the pub with the intention of putting a spanner in the works.

Penny

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:11 PM

Did you really want to know that?

Penny

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Terry
Date: 18 May 99 - 07:29 PM

Apparently, Sandy isn't alone in thinking folk music is a great way to pick up girls.

I once answered a personal ad because the fellow listed folk music among his interests. Since it was our only stated mutual interest, I asked him about his favorite artists right away when we met for a drink. He hemmed and hawed, and couldn't come up with a single name. When pressed, he said he'd only mentioned folk music in his ad because he thought it would attract a "certain type of woman." I asked him what type that might be and he answered, "Fast."

He was right, too. I was out of there in seconds flat!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 18 May 99 - 08:35 PM

I'm gonna try "Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later," if the occasion ever arises again...

I may be so out of practice I wouldn't even *recognize* a pickup line if I heard it.

kc

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 May 99 - 01:51 AM

Penny,you little devil!

And IvyB...my doorknocker comment was based on my legitimate interest in English brass, and was in no way a pickup line. My pickup lines, last used in the early 80s, were more along the lines of "Hi! Did you know you bear a striking resemblance to my future ex-wife?" or something just as obfuscatory.

LEJ

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 May 99 - 02:38 AM

Lonesome EJ, but imagine the hurt I was feeling at the time!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 06:34 AM

this should be a thread about electric pick up leads, but I suppose we're all acoustic around here. I can't be fussed reading through all 71 messages above, but if anyone wants to start a "Best pickup lines ever (BS)" thread my contribution is "we could make beautiful music together" (if its meant sincerely!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:40 AM

Penny S,

Good for you! That was a great story. It's nice when you can get back at someone like that.

Bert

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 19 May 99 - 08:49 AM

How about:

"I don't drive a pickup, I'm White Van Man"

No, I thought not!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:38 AM

Robert the zimmer: that's like the one about the driver who used her feet on the steering wheel while she knitted a sweater with her hands. A policeman waved her down, calling "pull-over!". "No," the driver replied, "Cardigan!"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Felipa
Date: 19 May 99 - 11:41 AM

Some of these pick up lines aren't half bad!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Noel P
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:32 PM

I heard this in a Galway pub one night. "Are you taking precautions". I'm not sure if it worked but the girl thought it funny. Another quick story. A small guy goes up to a tall, good looking, girl at a dance. She is standing on a step which gives an extra 5 to 6 inches to her height and he askes her to dance. "Sure you wouldn't satisfy me" she said. "Maybe not" he said "but I sure as hell would satisfy myself"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bert
Date: 19 May 99 - 12:54 PM

Ah Felipa, the true Mudcat spirit is showing.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Duane D.
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 02:38 PM

Hey little girl, wanna see my accordian???????

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 03:43 PM

As long as you don't make remarks about my squeeze box...

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 05:18 PM

Bloke sits next to girl in bar, says G'day, puts a finger in his drink and touches her shirt, then does the same to his shirt.
"Why don't we go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?"

Did not work!

Regards Ted

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 06:43 PM

Ted, Souns as though you have personal knowledge of this scenario???

WW

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 07:01 PM

My friend Dave was an intrepid picker upper. Two incidents come to mind that happened at differenet FSGW Getaways.

He came on to a friend's weekend companion with "I just brushed my teeth and I'd like you to have the full benefit". Didn't work but what a line.

On another occasion, at 3 in the AM, he crawled into a woman's (one he knew) sleeping bag and started getting romantic. At which point, she kind of half awoke and said "Oh Christ David, do you really want to hump a half dead jew?" The romaticism stopped but the laughter nearly knocked the cabin down.

Wally

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Jul 99 - 08:05 PM

Jeeeez, Wally! It's a good thing I wasn't trying to swallow anything when I read that, or I'd be wiping it off the monitor!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 08:42 AM

Q: "Did it hurt?"
A: "Did what hurt?"
Q: "When you fell from heaven?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 09:56 AM

"If you're a Martin Thinline (pickup), do ya wanna sit in my bridge groove?"

(Sorry, that's pretty much a bass comment; will get you into more treble than it's probably worth.)

Art

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Res
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:43 AM

Guys, don't ever use these!!!

You think this cold sore is something? Hell, it hasn't even gotten started yet.

Are you drunk or do you have a lazy eye?

Pardon me, do you mind if I stand over here so I can get away from where I just farted?

Res

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Martin _Ryan
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 11:04 AM

I always rather liked the line in "Lakes of Ponchatrain" which goes: "If it were'nt for the alligators - I'd sleep out in the woods!"

Regards

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:01 PM

yep,Wally! I KNEW that David..*grin*...we will miss him..."....built for comfort, not for speed..."

(I never believed in pickup lines..always thought they were the refuge of those who were more interested in quantity than quality....finally figured out how to express it.."I don't want to jump in bed with ANY woman unless we truly enjoyed each other's company OUT of bed")

but I did know a guy once who used to go into the student union and ask women.."hey, baby...how about it?"..and if she said "how about what?", he'd say.."never mind"...we asked him if that didn't get him a LOT of rejections. He said "sure, but I can ask 30-40 in an hour or less, and it usually doesn't take that long"....*shrug*

also, the reverse-- a girl trying out lines.... I was with a friend in that same student union one evening,(he was graduate teaching fellow...Logic & Philosophy)...up walks a girl who was in one of his classes.."Oh, Mr Wilson...you know how you were explaining about inductive & deuctive logic the other day? Well, me & my girlfriend have figured out ANOTHER kind!"..."Oh?" says my buddy, ever interested in new developments.."what is that?"..."well," she smiles, "we are working on seductive logic"....."Hmmm, that makes 4 kinds, then," says my friend with big-eyed seriousness, "because there IS another kind known as 'abductive' logic!..it works like this..."....and after a few minutes, the girl is making excuses to get AWAY from there!! I could barely contain my giggles till she was out of sight.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 10:13 PM

Woman walks up to me and a friend in a bar, and says to my friend "Pardon me, are you a doctor?" My friend who looked like anything but a Doctor, says "No.Why?" She says "Because I have to have an operation right away." Bob says "An operation? What kind." She grins," Oh, a slip-a-dicktomy." Subtle.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 12 Jul 99 - 11:02 PM

Ok, ok. Stop me if I've already told you this:

Years ago, when I was an innocent little girl from an Oklahoma town of 5,000 people, I went away to college at the University of Oklahoma and met and was immediately smitten by an adorable Jewish guy from Queens. One thing led to another and FINALLY he asked me to a movie. We went to the movie, walked back to the dorm and were sitting on the hood of my car talking, when suddenly he looked over at me, fingers laced behind his head, elbows up and out in that sexy, "Hey baby" way and he says, "So, do you ball?"

I, who had absolutely never imagined the word "ball" used as a verb meaning "do it like weasels," thought it must be his silly Noo Yawk accent again and he must be talking about BOWLING. So I looked back at him earnestly and said, "Yes, but not very well..."

ww

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 07:25 AM

how about this one...

Excuse me, but I don't believe in love at first sight, would you mind if I went out and came in again?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 12:35 PM

When I first moved to Chicago, Hyde Park, the standard line at parties was for a guy to walk up andtwirl an Ike and Tina Turner album cover at you. It took me awhile to catch on. It worked badly.

-- MA

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Allan C.
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:01 PM

Dear MAG,

?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:23 PM

Dear Allan,

You have to be of a certain age, I guess. Thirty years ago, Ike and Tina were all bump and grind.

Isn't hindsight interesting, knowing now Tina was a battered wife the whole time ??

-- MA

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: A Celtic Harper
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 01:54 PM

So there I was at the college picnic, wearing a Micky Mouse T-shirt, MM being directly over the left side of my ........chest. This unkempt, furry lad approaches with what he must have believed to be a charming leer, saying, "Hi, ha-ha, I'm a Micky Mouse fan." I looked politely inquisitive. He, apparently feeling encouraged, continued, "Can I kiss Micky?"

Yep. Guaranteed him the number one spot on the fecal roster in my all-girl dorm.

Australian foreplay from the other side of the bed:

Sheila to Jack, "Eh! You up?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Marion
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:23 PM

I was swimming at a hotel beach in Egypt, just floating on my back out deep for a while when suddenly there was this guy beside me asking if I would teach him how to do that.

I don't remember what I said, basically just brushed him off.

Later on, back on the beach, this guy tried again to strike up a conversation and he told me that he was from Kuwait. (This was in 1993). I told him that I was from Canada, and he said, "Oh, we love Canada because of all your help in our war. I'd like to help you. Why don't you come to my room?"

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: PJ
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:37 PM

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: PJ
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 03:47 PM

Oops, I hit the wrong button and posted before I meant to. Sorry.

(By the way, that wasn't the pickup line, but it's probably one that's heard later in the evening...)

True story about the worst pickup line ever used on me...

A few years ago I booked entertainment for special events at a Museum. I made arrangements with a group to hear them perform at a local bar one night. After their first set I was very impressed and went back to meet one of the singers and offer them the gig.

I walked up to him and said "Nice set!" He answered "Yours too, babe!" They didn't get the job.

I think it's funnier now than I did at the time.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM

WW/KC
Yes, I heard a bloke try it on seriously at our local pub.
I'd love to be able to try out some of these lines but I am in love with my wife.
Regards, Ted.