Worst pickup lines ever

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 05:40 PM

ok, I have to do this...here is a story about a pick-up line..*grin*..(ladies, have YOU ever met a guy like this?)

"....So...there was a young man, oh...maybe 19 yrs old...and he got a summer job in a riding stable.And one day, there comes in to the stable a beautiful young girl...about his age!.Well, he was smitten--his hormones went wild...he could barely look at her without drooling...(you've seen the phenomenon)......So he goes to an older guy who's been working there forever and asks old Sam, "Who is that girl?...Wow...would I like to take her in back of the barn..!"........And old Sam says, "Oh, that's the daughter of one of the richest ranchers in the state...she comes in here almost every weekend to ride."............."Oh, man", says the kid,"I'd give anything to have her as a girlfriend....just look at the way she fills those riding pants..and the shirt too....boy would I like to get my hands on......." "Hey...take it easy", says Sam, "You've got the wrong attitude...she's a nice girl...you need to get to know her...who knows what might happen."...."Oh, sure", says the kid,"a nobody like me? All I'm ever gonna do is look at her and lust...!"oh, now..you just need a way to get acquainted",says Sam,"You're a nice guy, right?...good looking?, smart?...you just don't move in the same social circles as her...so you need a gimmick!"........"Oh, yeah?", says the kid, "like what?" "Well," says old Sam, "you work in her riding stable, you just need some way to go riding with her...look, try this---take her favorite horse and paint its hooves green....then when she comes in and asks for her horse, I'll send you with it......and she'll say, "Oh--my horse's hooves are green!"....and you say,"why so they are...I wonder how that happened?"...and she'll worry about it ...and you can suggest that you ride along with her...just to be sure nothing goes wrong! Then you get another horse and ride with her. Then you can talk...first about horses...then about her family, maybe...and you can tell her about your job and how you are working your way thru college. A couple of rides like that and she'll see what a good guy you are..and soon she'll be inviting you over to her place to meet her folks...pretty soon you'll be over there a lot, and you could end up going steady....and one of these days, maybe in a few months, romance will be blooming, and you'll be snuggled up to that pretty girl somewhere, enjoying all those charming curves.." So, the kid does it...he paints her horses hooves green..and sure enough, next weekend she comes in and asks for her horse. So, Sam calls the kid and tells him,"Okay, here's your chance...just remember what I told you....when she worries about the green hooves, you offer to ride with her and strike up a conversation,,,and if you play your cards right, you'll be playing with HER in no time!" So, the kid leads the horse up, and the girl takes one look and says , "Oh, my goodness, my horse's hooves are GREEN!"......And the kid says, "They sure are!! Lets fuck!!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 10:48 PM

Bill D,

Sounds like Davey O to me.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jul 99 - 10:56 PM

hadn't thought about it that way...but yep...*smile*..(only,Davey would not have bothered with the damn green paint!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Gitarzan (inactive)
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:15 AM

Me : "Tickle yer ass with a feather?" Her: "What?!" Me: "Particularly nice weather?" -Take it from there... It never worked but it's fun.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 12:20 AM

Maybe we need to start a new thread on "What pickup lines have worked for you?" (Please note, this is not me whining about my social life again...)

I mean, obviously SOMETHING worked, because so many 'catters are married, in relationships and/or have children.

;-}

WW

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Margo
Date: 14 Jul 99 - 11:38 AM

I had completely forgotton about this (gee, I wonder why). I was at A's house for the first time, and A's friend came over, someone I had never met. Not long after we had begun conversing, he completely caught me off guard by kissing me on the lips. He said, "There, now we got the first kiss out of the way". It didn't work. I was appalled, and it was our last kiss!

Margarita

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 15 Jul 99 - 07:09 PM

The interesting thing about this is that a fair portion of the entries are dumb-head things men have said to women, trying to pick them up or just to get the ball rolling. And the truth is, SOMEone has to get things rolling, so if the spirit's good, the words are just something to pry the door open a wee bit.

BUT ... I occasionally see a nice someone and would like to let him know I'd like to continue the conversation -- and I usually don't even have the chutzpah to come up with some of the dumb-head things we've seen here. And if I did, given that I was raised in the time and culture in which nice girls just didn't make the first, second or third moves, no matter what I say comes out dumb and awkward. So I try to be very forgiving of awkwardness in these situations, as long as the intent is to get acquainted and not to insult. Can't blame a feller for trying.

WW

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 12:20 PM

well, as a male who has watched totally inept and boorish guys create cynicism & doubt in the minds of SO many women...muddying and polluting the waters for everyone because they had nothing but hormones working, I CAN blame some fellers for trying...*big wry grin*

I know, a little good-natured joking, in the right circumstances, can 'break the ice' sometimes, but there are limits...or oughta be! Some women are better than others at sorting them out and dealing with them, but some women are truly put off by it all...I am well past the age where it is a serious issue in my personal life..*sigh*...but I still cringe at some of the stories above.

(what would I consider a 'reasonable' opening? What about 'hello' with a friendly smile, and followed if the smile is returned, by some remark on the world as they are both experiencing it at that moment?...weather...movie, music..etc..Just a thought.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 01:51 PM

Oh my...Alison? That was you?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dan'l (inactive)
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 02:28 PM

Just kidding Alison....:-)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Dave Swan
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 11:23 PM

First of all, this is NOT Dave Swan, it's PJ. (My identity has been hijacked by our computer somehow, and forces me to post under an assumed name tonight...)

ANYway, I just rang in to say you're a classy guy, Bill D. You get the point exactly, and I hope your friendly, straightforward approach has worked well for you.

Cheers,

PJ, masquerading as Dave Swan (whose pickup line worked on me!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 16 Jul 99 - 11:46 PM

I'd still rather sing in front of 1000 people than do that whole investigative-hello stuff. (Not that I generally let that stop me, mind you, but inside,I'm a quivering mass of doubt and sheer embarrassment.) (And yes, in this as in most things, simple is almost always better, unless you're just amazingly creative and combine it with good-hearted respect.)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Rita64
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 09:40 AM

WW, I can relate to those feelings. Wonder if I will ever feel confident enough to approach someone who appeals to me instead of waiting, waiting, waiting ...

At a folk festival by a lecherous (I thought) bodhran player at least 10 years older "You're gorgeous, want a beer?" I accepted the beer of course but declined his request for my phone number.

Also, I have had the "Are you a model?" one. Bleuch.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: harpgirl
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 10:03 AM

...from my son--"your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night"...harpgirl (actually I thought it was pretty good for sixteen)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: lloyd61
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 10:10 AM

She said, You look just like Santa could I seat on you knee, she was three?

Another time I was told, "I would like you to be my Grandpa", but she was nine.

I thing I need to shave and loss weight. O'well I don't want to be picked anyway.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 12:21 PM

Harpgirl -- Your son sounds like he has a bit of the rounder in him. (This is good, in my view. We need some spunk to get by in this world.) My son, even as a baby, was such an incredible flirt. Thank god he seems to have taken after his (amazingly celibate) mother and has mono-directional affections. Flirts are cute, indiscriminate pickup artists are pathetic, especially as they begin to get long in the tooth!

WW

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 99 - 05:41 PM

Ah, PJ...I do appreciate those words...indeed, my technique..(or lack thereof..*grin*) has ensured that what relationships I have had with women were lasting and friendly...(sure, I missed a few 'opportunities' of sorts, but some of those non-events have turned into very nice friendships)...I know, some guys..(and girls!) have also enjoyed life in a different format and still been nice, decent people...I just do it my way...

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 05:33 PM

I detest innuednos and assumptions. When I was divorced the first time, at 21, I went out a lot, alone. (IT seemed a lot safer back then:-) Anyway, I found things worked a lot better if I was just really up front with the guys, sometimes blatantly so.

One time, in a forerunner of an upper crust yuppie type bar, a silver & turquoise salesman asked me to have a drink with him and go back to his room. He offered me jewelry! I told him I'd be happy to ahve the drink, but I didn't want his jewelry, wouldn't go to his room, and if he thought the drink was going to mellow me enough to have his way, he was sadly mistaken.

Usually when a guy asked if he could buy me a drink, my standard response, admittedly a crass way of putting it, was "Yes, but don't expect me to fuck you for it!" Surprisingly, most of them seemed relieved that it was brought out into the open; often we went on to have a really enjoyable evening together with them being respectful and non-pressuring.

I don't envy anyone looking these days. There was a cover article in the Utne Reader in 1987/88 called the "New Monogamy". It was about married couples who were staying together, even though they didn't want to, because of the fear of AIDS. I am thankful everyday that my kids made it safely through that landmine; I lost too many friends to it.

WWhowasKC: you get that motorcycle and I bet you won't have any lack of men approaching!**Big grin**

katlaughinguninhibittedly

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: WyoWoman
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 06:56 PM

Kat-- you may have nailed one of my reasons for NOT getting one. They might think I'm THAT kind of girl. (And, of course, I am, but only here inside my own head).

But I'm close...very, very close. It'll be the leathers that do it, though, don't you think? Instead of the bike?

WW

by the way, Kat -- excellent column this a.m. in our paper. (We'll email it to you out there who don't get the Star-Tribune.It was about various forms of disrespect for the flag.) The thing that galls me is seeing these bedsheet sized American flags flapping night and day over the autopark or in Walmart's parking lot or whatever, through rain and shine and wind and night and day and all kinds of ick. I mean, I was a GIRL SCOUT, for heaven's sake. We were trained that the first rule of flag etiquette is to bring it in out of the weather and to fold it up at sunset. And these merchants think it's just the BEST commercial drawing card. (Don't get me started. My soapbox will start creaking!)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 99 - 07:52 PM

Thanks, WW. As usual, whenever I see something for the first time in print I totally dislike it and rewrite it in my head. Usually when I go back for a second look, I like ti better:-)

Definitely the leathers, but think of the poor cows!:-( Oh, and there are a LOT of really tattered flags here which should be burned in respect and repalced with new ones which come down at sunset & out of the weather, as you say. That's what we learned in school, fercrisakes. Course, out here in Big Wyoming, we might never get to hang it if we always minded the weather**BG**.

Katlaughing

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 04:18 PM

The direct approach always worked on me. One very attractive woman came to me after a performance and asked "My family own an island in Greece, and, I'd like to take you there." I figured she was a nut, so, didn't go. Another asked if I would like to go home with her, I told her I was married, and couldn't do that. She said "I dont want to buy you, just borrow you for the weekend." After the divorce, I took her up on it. Another simply said "Would you like to share my bed tonight"? I said, "Yes" we formed a long friendship.

The best come back I ever heard to an idiot who said to a woman, "I'd like to get into your pants." she replied, "What for? there's one asshole already in them."

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:25 PM

Yes, the Glaswegian exchange has a traditional counterpart among U.S. Jews. The way it ran, oh, 55 years ago was:

You dencink?
You eskink?
I'm eskink if you're dencink.
I'm dencink, if you're eskink.
So I'm eskink!
So I'm dencink!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: GUEST,mark
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:26 PM

Well, I'm new around here... but what the hell... can't resist this hilarious discussion.

My favorite pickup line back when I used to actually try to pick girls up (married now) was to just walk right up to a girl and say, "Will you marry me?" with a slight but sincere smile. When I was lucky, she would actually look at me and say, "No." At which point I would sigh and say, "OK, will you sleep with me?" And when I was lucky she might laugh and say, "No." At which point I would say, "OK... will you at least have a drink with me?"

Actually worked a few times. Led to some nice relationships. Sigh.

Mark

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 06:40 PM

Isn't it a bit sad that anyone thinks that a pickup line is even necessary?

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 07:16 PM

I agree, Kendall. I think pickup lines are something that occur primarily in jokes, hardly ever in real life...although that depends on the crowd one associates with.

I had a friend who was brilliant at picking up women, but not because of his pickup lines. It was because he was funny, enthusiastic, good looking, and always seemed to be having a great time. They just couldn't resist trying to find out why he was enjoying life so much, I guess.

Plus, he REALLY LIKED WOMEN, and that always helps.

- LH

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 04:47 AM

how about this one, which made me run for the hills!

Your gorgeous, how about a quick knee trembler up against the wall. I've a wife and six kids at home, with one on the way but how about it.

Well... I've never panicked as much as this before. Twas followed with swift, you are joking pal, on yer bike go away and shite... tee heee..

Well he was awful. It was at a fleadh Cheoill in Ballina.

YUK!

other milder ones have been, here's ten pence go and tell your ma you're not coming home tonight.

awwww bless...

Ella

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: kendall
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 08:34 AM

The body language will tell you much more than the answer to some idiotic question. Tongues lie, bodys dont.

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 12:27 PM

My dog's body lies almost constantly, except when heading for the food bowl or the water dish...

- LH

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: MAG
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM

reading this thread thru all the way like I didn't before. (vacation!) Kat's earlier post reminded me of how when I was much younger I did a fair amount of long-distance driving and would stop in the truck stops for coffee late. (truck stops DO have the best food -- go where they are parked.)

On more than one occasion, what seemed like idle conversation over the booth back ended abruptly when the guy pulled out bills and waved them at me. Had completely blanked out on that. guess i was naive. But I like being civil to truck drivers, as more than once they have helped me out in a jam. (and no, I wouldn't get in a cab with one.)

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 07:28 AM

ooooo YUK mag!

ergh

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 08:29 AM

Legendary Scottish compliment:
"You don't sweat much, for a fat lass, do you?".
On second thoughts, it's a Geordie line.

Murray

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: JedMarum
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:00 AM

I hate to even repeat this one, but the fact my friend used it, and that it worked is funny in and of itself!

My friend Charles told me he was 42 when he met and started "dating" Debbie who was 21. I asked how they met, and he said he had been at a party at a friend's house when this cute young woman in short shorts came by .... he said, "Darlin' - you've got the kind of legs I like; feet at one end and pussy at the other!"

I said, "wow ... and she responded to that comment, did she?"

"Been with me ever since!" he sniffed with emphasis!

Subject: RE: Worst pickup lines ever
From: JedMarum
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:11 AM

Charles also had a more elaborate, practiced line. He'd pick his targets carefully, and seemed to guess right more often then not, but he'd say, "Darlin', you are beautiful. Is someone spoilin' you? I hope someone's spoilin' you ... hey, have you ever been kidknapped, taken to Hawaii for two weeks, spoiled and shown things you only read about before in books? You don't even have to go home to pack, I'll buy you all new shit when we get there."

I watched him deliver this line in a single breath to two different girls, at different times while we were seated on an airplane and the line of other passenegers filed past us getting into the back. I'll bet they both were looking for him after we landed, but he'd poured down several glasses of scotch during the flight and he'd long forgotten them!