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BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity...
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Subject: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bobert Date: 27 Apr 12 - 08:18 PM This just in... Anonymous sources have confirmed that Republican presidential nominee has agreed to privatize gravity and grant an un-named donor patent rights and allow said donor to bill all Americans for their use of gravity iF Romney is elected... Details at eleven... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Apr 12 - 08:31 PM Is he gonna' make Kurt Vonnegut in charge? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bobert Date: 27 Apr 12 - 08:44 PM Don't think so, Spawzer... Kurt, you know, is a Kommie... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Rapparee Date: 27 Apr 12 - 09:05 PM This plan will fall flat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bobert Date: 27 Apr 12 - 09:16 PM I donno, Rap... It's kinda up in the air, right now??? N~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 27 Apr 12 - 09:32 PM What happens if ya get high? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bobert Date: 27 Apr 12 - 09:49 PM As long as you are high then, as I understand it, as long as you are so high as to not need gravity then Romney will let you deduct that time from yer monthly bill... Seems fair enough to me... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: John P Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:48 AM Bobert, you're grounded. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Apr 12 - 01:06 AM What I fear is the day when corporations succeed in privatizing sunshine and air! It could happen anytime. Hell, they've already bamboozled millions of people into buying expensive bottled water (which is quite often just ordinary municipal tap water, sold at as much as 2,000 times what the corporation paid for it!) So why not privatize sunlight and air? Because they can't bottle them yet and scare people off what nature freely provides, that's why! ;-D Just wait.....the bubble domes over your towns and cities are coming! But privatizing gravity...that's brilliant! They only way you could fight that would be by staying immersed in a swimming pool or going up in a hot air balloon...and you'd have to come down (or out) SOMETIME, right? Then they'd charge you by the pound. Overweight people would pay a huge fee. The corporates would claim that this was a public service, because it was helping persuade people to slim down and be healthier. My guess is that the privatization of gravity will go ahead SOON. ;-) If Romney doesn't do it, Obama will. Slim down NOW!!! Or get that hot air balloon. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: saulgoldie Date: 28 Apr 12 - 08:11 AM Slight correction. Kurt isn't much on anything these days. He is dead. Piece on NPR a while back revealed that he was probably more cantankerous than many folks may have known. And it was not even clear exactly what his politics were, despite what folks thought. Saul |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: saulgoldie Date: 28 Apr 12 - 08:12 AM Ooo, ooo, back to the thread (which is already in progress)...maybe he could privatize "creationism??" THERE'S a thought! Saul |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 28 Apr 12 - 09:18 AM It's clear that there are multiple lucrative privatization possibilities going untapped. Take food, or more generically, eating. Not just "meat" or "vegetables" or "milk" or "chocolate", but the act of eating, itself! No cost of production involved. But, as great a business opportunity as that is, I'm looking forward to getting the patent on SEX! I'll be a multi-zillionaire on the royalties! With all that money, I'll buy every Mudcatter lunch. But you have to pay the royalty up front. Dave Oesterreich |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,999 Date: 28 Apr 12 - 10:12 AM "What happens if ya get high?" I'll let ya know in a few minutes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bill D Date: 28 Apr 12 - 10:27 AM They are already taxing my patience! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 28 Apr 12 - 10:30 AM If Isaac Newton were still around he might have something to say about this. After all he invented gravity. Fortunately his patent has expired long ago. According to the Maya Calendar gravity will radically shift later this year, throwing anything not tied down into outer space on December 21st. So hold onto your hats and be sure you invest in an adequate supply of bungee chords. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bill D Date: 28 Apr 12 - 10:38 AM This just in! Due to a keyboarding error by a teenage volunteer at Romney headquarters, it seems that Mitt actually intends to 'prioritize gravy'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Rapparee Date: 28 Apr 12 - 11:23 AM Ahem. I thought that I should let you all know that I've patented swallowing. Doesn't matter what you swallow, the process is MINE!!! International patent!!!! Swallow air, smoke, food, whiskey, Iron City...doesn't matter, you owe me royalties!!! And swallowing will work without gravity!!!! If you're swallowed up by a Big Black Hole, the Universe owes me!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Apr 12 - 11:45 AM I'm not about to swallow that, Rap! ;-) Chongo has pre-empted both Romney and Obama (and everyone else) by copyrighting certain common expressions and spellings, such as "yer" and "yers". You wouldn't believe the money that this has brought pouring into the APP coffers. I advised him to copyright the expression "Fuck you!", but it turned out it already has been...way back in 1962 by Albert Grossman. No wonder that slimy bastard got so rich! His relatives are now cashing in on the proceeds. Bob Dylan is pretty pissed about it too, cos he had it in mind to do the same thing, but Grossman beat him to it, while telling him "I'll set it all up for you, Bob. Don't worry about a thing." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,999 Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:20 PM I see it's taken me forty minutes to accomplish my mission. Well actually it took me three minutes to accomplish the mission and thirty-seven minutes to find the thread again. Just got sidetracked. OK, so what was the question? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:44 PM When Bob Dylan imitated Ramblin' Jack Elliot, why did he not adopt the hat? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Rapparee Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:46 PM You swallowed! Pay up!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,999 Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:54 PM Rap: cheque's in the uh, wtf do ya call that? LH, he didn't adopt the hat because the agency said Dylan was single, and they preferred placements to two-parent families. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Amos Date: 28 Apr 12 - 02:29 PM On the sex idea, I think there is fairly well-established prior art. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Apr 12 - 03:43 PM Yes, but the gravity idea definitely holds promise. Who will enact it? Obama or Romney? And does it really matter? ;-) My point being...we're all fucked regardless, unless we have a hot air balloon to hover in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 28 Apr 12 - 03:46 PM Gravity tends to ruin sex as one ages. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, that too. And that, yes. And... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Apr 12 - 03:51 PM (sigh) So true. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 28 Apr 12 - 04:02 PM Sure, blame it all on gravity rather than (select the insult of your choice): 1. tight silk underwear 2. self-abuse 3. llamas 4. Sally 5. all of the above Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Don Firth Date: 28 Apr 12 - 04:03 PM Sometime back, the remark was made that "We will have solar power as soon as the power companies figure out how to run a sunbeam through a meter!" But privatizing gravity? That SUCKS!! Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: John P Date: 28 Apr 12 - 04:34 PM On a more serious note, most of us get our water from public water utilities. Selling our utility companies to for-profit corporations doesn't seem very far-fetched for the Republicans. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: JohnInKansas Date: 28 Apr 12 - 04:36 PM Nearly all extant versions of THE BIBLE are copyrighted. If the holders of the copyrights would charge like the media moguls do, only the ones who actually intend to read one would be likely to have one, and the thing would disappear in pretty short order, wouldn't it? John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 28 Apr 12 - 04:49 PM Charley... what about the Sally Llama? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Mrrzy Date: 28 Apr 12 - 05:14 PM You fools! Romney is a Mormon! They don't beLIEve in gravity! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Penny S. Date: 28 Apr 12 - 05:21 PM They've sold our water to for-profit groups, some foreign. This includes any rain falling on our property (chance there for gravity related charges as well). My ex-BIL had to pay some charges for rainwater which ran off his warehouse roof into the nearby stream for some odd reason. They do allow us, indeed encourage us, as individuals, to have water butts which they do not not charge us for using. Incidentally. hot-air balloons depend on the cold air sinking to enable them to rise, so you haven't escaped the gravity charges that way. Penny |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 28 Apr 12 - 06:04 PM When you're feeling down, That's no cause for perplexity, The weight of all your cares and woes Is simply due to gravity! Second verse anyone? Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Rapparee Date: 28 Apr 12 - 09:44 PM My oldest niece works for a private water company. I got my water from a private company when I lived in Ohio back in the '70s and early '80s. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,999 Date: 28 Apr 12 - 10:17 PM At first I took it seriously, The privatization of gravity, It seemed to fit so snugly with Republican depravity. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Don Firth Date: 29 Apr 12 - 02:02 AM . . . Heavy. . . . Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 29 Apr 12 - 08:58 AM 999- Very nice! But then I thought it through some more; Is this Republican depravity? It's more perverse or even worse; It's just complete stupidity. Some more abstruse levity, anyone? Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Apr 12 - 07:44 AM refresh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Amos Date: 30 Apr 12 - 10:40 AM A sorry state For man or nation To seek cash flow From gravitation! It's a crime to seek For profit there Unless you're into Lift repairs. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,spb-cooperator (cookie-less) Date: 30 Apr 12 - 11:03 AM The charges will be very high due the infrastructure required to record, calculate and bill for gravity-use. Add to that - recovery of the set up costs, and the corporations profit-margin markup. It will be clear that gravity is indeed an expensive commodity to provide. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Amos Date: 30 Apr 12 - 11:28 AM Considering it took less than seven days to develop in the lab, I think the markups must be considerable. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: saulgoldie Date: 30 Apr 12 - 12:04 PM Possible pricing: ( ( (what it costs to produce) X (its value to end users) ) + (fair market profit margin)) X ( (the number of houses Romney owns) + (the number of cars he owns) ) = They'll pay it, because they cannot live without it. Gravity, you see, is an inelastic service. Saul |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Penny S. Date: 30 Apr 12 - 12:29 PM Actually, there is some elasticity. You have to factor in the changes in gravity due to the passing of the Moon, and, if near the coast, the extra loading due to high tides. People living on the less dense type of rock would be paying less than those on basalts or other dense rocks, and altitude would also change the force - the higher the less. When I did my OU geophys, we had a tremendous number of corrections to apply to readings. Mind you, they could be done by computer. Penny |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Bill D Date: 30 Apr 12 - 01:15 PM Gravity is free!...and open source and it gets you many MORE free things. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Richard Bridge Date: 30 Apr 12 - 02:19 PM Hmm. What about lawsuits from people who walked out of windows, or in lifts that went wrong? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Amos Date: 30 Apr 12 - 02:29 PM They'd still have to pay for the gravity they used, just like someone pays for the electricity when they drop their toaster oven into the bath water. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 30 Apr 12 - 02:46 PM Not much gravitas expressed herein. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Apr 12 - 03:58 PM gnu- Oh, I don't know. There's some heavy thinking going on here. And now that Amos has contributed a couple of verses there's real hope for a song, and maybe even a dance. So what happens when the gravity market bubble bursts? Will there be a market crash or just a lot of smoke? Anyone want to buy gravity futures at a ridiculously low introductory rate? Just send me a PM with your bank account, social security number, birthday, and favorite pet's name. Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 30 Apr 12 - 04:16 PM Smilie. And Smilie the second through the nineteenth. 19 was HUGE. Over three feet long. I tied him to the oil pipe next to the back door steps. I was coming home from school (7 years old) and running across the field in back of our house at lunch time because I saw my old man coming home for lunch. He spotted my snake whilst on the landing of the back door steps and leaped over the railing, trouncing soundly on 19's head. He held it up, saw the string I stopped dead in my tracks. He saw me. He gave me shit for keeping a wild animal tied up. No more snakes. He bought me a puppy. A beagle. I like snakes better. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Apr 12 - 04:56 PM Yah, them beagles never stayed home. I'd rather have a big snake any day. Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST,999 Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:16 PM Get a snake big enough and you'll solve the beagle problem in short order. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Richard Bridge Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:49 PM Not if it was a legal beagle - the snake would afford professional courtesy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 12 - 06:37 PM Privatize gravity - I am not going to fall for it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Apr 12 - 08:20 PM With the privatization of gravity, If politicians be so brash, Gravity futures will be bought and sold, And the market surely crash! Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 30 Apr 12 - 08:32 PM Ed T... HAHAHAHAA! The song verses are excellent! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 12 - 08:42 PM ""Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers"". (Quote by - Dave Barry) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Apr 12 - 10:10 PM Ed T- Well, now we've got some new verses to work up! What rhymes with "groin"? So is that what physists mean when they say "The force is curtailed"? Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST Date: 01 May 12 - 03:15 PM Rhymes with groin... coin comes to mind immediately. >;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 01 May 12 - 04:42 PM And the river Boyne in Ireland. Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: GUEST Date: 01 May 12 - 04:54 PM What I fear is the day when corporations succeed in privatizing sunshine and air! It could happen anytime. Hell, they've already bamboozled millions of people into buying expensive bottled water (which is quite often just ordinary municipal tap water, sold at as much as 2,000 times what the corporation paid for it!)"" Pineal gland = human spirituality Tap water = lump of chalk where pineal should be,as in unable to centre oneself |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 01 May 12 - 05:22 PM It is surprising how much opoetic interest there is in the word groin: Hello Poetry |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 01 May 12 - 05:26 PM ""Hell, they've already bamboozled millions of people into buying expensive bottled water (which is quite often just ordinary municipal tap water, sold at as much as 2,000 times what the corporation paid for it!)"" Much better than that, add alot of sugar and carbonated water ane you can get even more money for a much less healthy drink-that costs a consumer more per unit than gasoline- hundreds of millions, (plus) around the world get sucked in by that scam many times every day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: gnu Date: 01 May 12 - 07:06 PM Yeah. I wouldn't buy that fizzy stuff unless there was some alcohol in it. >;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Charley Noble Date: 01 May 12 - 07:51 PM Ed T- I didn't see a poem there featuring "Groinzilla." This is much more fun than discussing Romney! gnu- Yes, branch water and Jack Daniels bourbon was a favorite family drink. Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 01 May 12 - 09:05 PM ""fizzy stuff"" Brings me back to Collins Mix, the fuzzy stuff I used to buy in the grocery store as a teen, it tasted bad, but it sure cut the taste of Black Velvet rye Whiskey (the one in the black "pringles box). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Romney to Privatize Gravity... From: Ed T Date: 01 May 12 - 09:21 PM ""The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it's more politically correct" Star Trek |
