 sj |
||
|
||
Jokes turned into songs...
|
|
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Georgiansilver Date: 15 Jul 06 - 05:13 AM Yea and particularly the one about 'Grumpy Old Men'. Get to hear it .....and moreso John.... as and when you can folks. Best wishes, Mike. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Sooz Date: 15 Jul 06 - 04:07 AM John Conolly must deserve a mention here. He has written several hilarious songs based on English seaside post cards, a couple of which had us in stitches last night at Market Rasen Folk Club. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Crane Driver Date: 14 Jul 06 - 06:22 PM Well, I wrote this a while ago - each verse is based on a food joke I found on the net - the chorus came to me in a hotel room when I was away from home on business. The tune is sort of music hall style. (Chorus) Oh, it's nice to go out for an evening Of fine food and good company, For laughter and chat, about this thing or that, And music, and hilarity. And we all like to praise Mr Bottle, With the napkin tucked under his chin, But I'd rather stay home, singing "No more to roam" To the tune of an old violin. Well, a man sauntered into a restaurant, Where he ordered the best food and wine. And when he had fed, to the waiter he said, "Last year, when I came here to dine, My luck it was down, and my wallet thin, You threw me out in the cold and the rain!" The waiter said "Sorry."; the man said "Don't worry, You can just throw me out once again." (Chorus) One night I arose from my table, As the room was beginning to sway I put on my coat, and prepared to go out, When this old fellow stood in my way. He said "Are you Dr Fernackerpan, That eminent medic of note?" Then when I shook my head, the old fellow said, "Well, I am him, and that is my coat!" (Chorus) We lived all alone by the railway yard, My poor old daddy and me, I was seven years old when first I was told We had somebody coming to tea. My Dad took a cake, then he passed it on, To this lady in a flowery hat. I said, "Dad, don't bother to look for another, Cakes don't come any bigger than that!" (Chorus) Oh, it's nice to go out for an evening Of fine food and good company, For laughter and chat, about this thing or that, And music, and hilarity. And we all like to praise Mr Bottle, With the napkin tucked under his chin, But I'd rather stay home, singing "No more to roam" To the tune of an old violin. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Georgiansilver Date: 14 Jul 06 - 11:14 AM This was a humourous poem written by a neighbour of my Dad's. I have sung this as a folk song.....use your own tune....... I was shopping in the high street, when a man came passing by. He handed me a leaflet, which said "The end is nigh". It was terribly convincing. I was sure it must be right. It even specified the date, and gave the time of night. This meant, of course, my shopping list was suddenly all wrong. A month's supply of anything was twenty days too long. I wouldn't need the batteries to put in all my clocks, And when I bought detergent, only chose the smallest box. In fact there was no point in doing washing after that. Likewise I cared no more about the thoughts of getting fat. Instead I just ate sweets and stuffed on curries like a pig, And the time appointed found me smelly, bored, depressed and big. But when the time appointed came, life went on as before, Except I'd cleared my bank account, and weighed a whole stone more. So now I spend my weekends on the treadmill at the gym, And if I see that man again, the end will come for him. Best wishes, Mike. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Mr Red Date: 14 Jul 06 - 10:01 AM Actually this is not a bad way to write songs. All it takes is the wish to do it. If the joke appeals the only rule is not to make it so boring that the punchline is wasted, and that usually means establishing the facts and throwing in puns and pithy wit along the journey. Or making it short. Though as GBS said - the golden rule is that there is no golden rule. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie Date: 14 Jul 06 - 06:40 AM How about this one I wrote a few years ago to the tune of Kenny Rogers 'Coward of the County' I once had an argument with a barman in a pub in Huddersfield called the County Bar, he gave me five pounds worth of change when I'd given him a ten pound note... Everyone considered him the Bastard of the County, of all the barmen in the pub he was the nasty one. His mom had named him Billy but the folks all called him 'Shithead' and as he worked behind the bar he'd sing this little song! CHORUS "I promise to do all the things I shouldn't do, I'll walk right into to trouble if I can, I've such a bloody cheek, I like to pick on them that's weak, and if everything turns out as I have planned, 'll end up with half yer change left in me hand!" One day a poor old tramp came in with not a penny on him, half dead from exhaustion well he staggered to the bar, "Oh for Christ's sake give us a packet o' crisps, and a pint o' brown and bitter, I've not eaten since last Friday, and it's nearly Thursday now!" As Billy listened to the tramp his mind was ticking over, he'd make this poor old worn out guy look like a right buffoon, he said, "Alright then Grandad well I'll do just as you ask me, ...if you can drink one mouthful from that dirty olf spittoon!" The tramp he looked from Billy's face to the cuspidore a - standing, all green and slimy on the floor, it was brimful to the top! the tears streamed down his tired old face, and the pangs of hunger stabbed him, and Billy's voice came to him saying, "Go on lad, just a drop!" H e wor t'centre of attention, all eyes were fast upon him, as he picked it up with trembling hands, and he put it to his lips! and as he gurgled softly all the customers started leaving, and a customer in the corner, brought back his pie & chips! "Look stop it now!" said Billy "This jokes gone far enough like! Me customers are leaving, look here don't be such a chump!" But the strain showed on the tramps face as these words he tried to gurgle, "I'm sorry lad, I just can't stop, IT'S ALL IN ONE BIG LUMP!!!" Well Billys face contorted as he dashed off to the bathroom, he wasn't holdin' nuthin' back, he got rid of it all! When he came back to the bar room, the carpet was all textured, and the tramp had buggered off wi' t' till, and he'd left this little note (And it said) "I promised to chew, everything you told me to! I got in there and sucked it like a man! now I'll cut quite a dash, cos I've run off with yer cash, things didn't quite work out as you had planned, cos I ended up with your change in my hand!" |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST,Rowan Date: 14 Jul 06 - 05:18 AM I'd hoped to fing a mention of Bernard Wrigley and Sooz finally did it. The Bolton Bullfrog sang "Plastic Pies" (mentioned in two threads if you enter that in the search box) but Chris Seymourt gave only the words to the chorus. One verse describes a drunk who found a small tortoise and, thinking it a pie, ate it. He went to the pie seller and compliments him but asks if he can have another with a less crunchy crust. The same story has been told as a joke for many years but I don't know which came first. |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: IF YOU HAD A BRAIN YOU'D BE DANGEROUS From: Sooz Date: 14 Jul 06 - 02:54 AM OOPS Jez Lowe's song "High Part of the Town" has aa old joke in each verse as does Bernard Wrigley's "Silly Old Bugger". Or what about this one from His Worship and the Pig (a great collection of one liners) IF YOU HAD A BRAIN YOU'D BE DANGEROUS (His Worship and the Pig) You think that Sherlock Holmes is a local block of flats And circumnavigation is what they do to cats You think that crazy paving's only done by psychopaths If you had a brain you'd be dangerous If you had a brain you'd be dangerous If you had a brain you'd be dangerous I tell you to your face you're a total waste of space If you had a brain you'd be dangerous Well you think that ratatouille must have two rats in the pan You think that best lambruscos only use New Zealand lamb And you say you dread to think what they must put in coq au vin If you had a brain you'd be dangerous You think that Motte and Bailey were solicitors of old That a gargoyle is a mouthwash for a medieval cold You think a flying buttress is an all-in wrestling hold If you had a brain you'd be dangerous When they said you had a cute angina you just stood and blushed You think that Humpty Dumpty didn't fall but he was pushed And you think it's time that Tony Blair stopped beating round the Bush If you had a brain you'd be dangerous You think to dip your headlights you'd need a lot of water You think that a vendetta is a type of motor scooter You're convinced that Joan of Arc was Noah's eldest daughter If you had a brain you'd be dangerous You think that Human Bondage is a book packed with advice And you think a condominiums a contraceptive type device You think a sixty nine is battered prawns and egg fried rice If you had a brain you'd be dangerous |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Jim Dixon Date: 14 Jul 06 - 12:41 AM THE GREATEST, written by Don Schlitz, recorded by Kenny Rogers. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Celtaddict Date: 13 Apr 05 - 11:08 PM Don't miss Mick Ryan's "The Widow's Promise" about the lonely widow who promises her soul to the devil if he can satisfy her; he makes it to ninety-nine times, and she is still begging for more ("I can see just how your husband died") and he gives up and goes limping back to hell. She tries to summon him to try one more time and he does not respond, saying "Of all the pain and torment I've witnessed here in hell, I never knew what pain was 'til I rang her front door bell." |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:37 PM There's the song about the kid who falls into a well and his name is so long that by the time it's been said and/or repeated countless times (in aid of getting him rescued), it's too late. Here's one version; the version Ilearned as a kid ("Edddie Gootchagatchagammanohsimaranohsitohka- sammakammawakkee Brown") is slightly different. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: pavane Date: 13 Apr 05 - 06:36 AM What about all those songs which turned into jokes? |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Leadfingers Date: 13 Apr 05 - 06:21 AM In the Bad Old Days of (UK) Folk Entertainers there were a string of good jokes turned into songs by people like Dave Paskett , Bob Williamson and the OTHER Alan White ,as well as the established writers like Miles Wootton |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Flash Company Date: 13 Apr 05 - 04:32 AM Two I seem to recall, though I am not sure from where, The Travelling Salesman's Tale. Story line is the salesman who breaks down near a lonely farmhouse occupied by an elderly farmer with a beautiful wife. They say he must stay the night and after a supper described in great detail,(especially the apple pie) they retire to the only bed in the house, the old man sleeping in the middle. In the middle of the night the old man has to get up to attend to a calving, and at that point come the only two lines I remember clearly:- She whispered 'Stranger, now's your chance!' So I went and finished the pie!!! The other one was the greenhorn in Alaska woo misunderstood the manhood ritual ' Make love to an Inuit woman and shoot a Polar bear', ending with' Now where's this woman I've got to shoot?' FC |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST,Allen Date: 13 Apr 05 - 04:29 AM The late great Vivian Stanshall wrote one that goes I wish the summer was here I could stand up in my wheelbarrow and pretend the summer was here.. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Margret RoadKnight Date: 12 Apr 05 - 07:42 PM Oscar Brown Jr's "The Lone Ranger" ("....what you mean WE, white man?") |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: DEATH OF A SALESMAN From: just john Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:40 PM A good song and a good twist on the old jokes: DEATH OF A SALESMAN (Steve Goodman, Steve Burgh, Jeff Gutcheon, Jim Rothermel, Lew London, Saul Broody & Ken Kosek) The traveling salesman stopped for gas as it was getting late. He sure was feeling tired and it was snowing on the interstate. He said, "Won't 'cha fill 'er up with gas and see if my oil's alright, And do you know a place where a tired-out traveling man might spend the night?" The attendant winked at him and said, "I'll bet you been around. The man who puts up lodgers here is known as Farmer Brown. You'll find him in that old stone house just at the edge of town, And he's got a 15-year-old daughter who likes to fool around." The salesman winked right back at him and a smile came to his lip. He paid for the gas and oil and then he gave that man a tip. He started up and pushed that old gas pedal to the floor, Went off like a hat, and in nothing flat, he was at the farmer's door. The door opened up and a beautiful girl said, "won't you come on in?" The traveling salesman's tongue was hanging out like Rin-Tin-Tin "That old gas station attendant said I would find you here, And do you have a suitable room to rent to me, my dear?" She said, "Kind sir, I'm sorry, but the last one's gone, you see, So if you want to spend the night, you'll have to sleep with me." He said, "How fortuitous, my pretty little miss!" And he throws his arms around her and he gives that girl a kiss. Her warm and tender ruby lips he scarcely could believe. He never saw the hammer she had hidden up her sleeve. She said, "I'm getting sleepy, why don't we go to bed?" And as they turned to climb the stairs, she whopped him on the head. The very next day the salesman's car with brand new license plates Was sitting at Farmer Brown's Super Service 'bout a mile from the interstate. So all you traveling salesmen who might be passing through, You better watch your step or that traveling salesman joke might be on you. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Skipper Jack Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:27 PM I wrote this song based on a joke that I'd heard and the nursery rhyme, "Old Mother Hubbard". There was an old man who had a little dog And the little dog's name was Boozo. And he was fond of a little drop of grog And thereby hangs his tail O! Boozo wanted to quench his thirst, But the cupboard, it was bare O! Because the old man had got there first And not a drop was there O! So Boozo he went down to the bar And there he drank his fill O! As he came out, he got jammed in the door And left behind his tail O! Poor Boozo died and to heaven he went But St Bernard wouldn't let him in O! Being tail-less was his punishment For a night out on the binge O! Boozo he went back to the pub 'Twas past the hour of twelve O! But he howled 'til he got the landlord up And he played merry Hell O! "Please, can I have my tail", said the dog, "If you would be so kind O'" But the landlord looked at him all agog! "You must be out of your mind O!" "Don't you know that it is a crime?" Poor Boozo, he turned pale O! "To retail spirits after time Would land us all in jail O!" The last two line of each verse were repeated thus: Jail O! Jail O! Would land us all in jail O! To retail spirits after time Would land us all in jail O! |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Severn Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:08 PM Johnny Sands/Old Woman From Wexford Get Up And Bar The Door Burglar Man And which came first-Jumpin' Gene Simmons' "Haunted House" or Brother Dave Gardner's similar comedy routine? |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:00 PM Sorry for the typos too. "hoNest citizen" "The headlights" Scratch the "Oh", It's We're going to take you away then. OOPS! Don T. |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: IN POSSESSION OF THE TOOL TO DO THE JOB From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 12 Apr 05 - 01:25 PM This is something of a specialty of mine. Try the two below. IN POSSESSION OF THE TOOL TO DO THE JOB. 1). Now, to look at Ernie Hook, you'd never take him for a crook, And it's true; he's never broken any law, But poor Ernie came a cropper, when an enterprising copper, Caught him out, and now he's not an honest citizen, no more, For it seems he had a break-in, and the copper was just makin' Out a list of all the gear the burglar took, In the shed he found a still, and poor old Ernie felt quite ill, He cried out "I never used it", and the copper said "Now look, CHORUS: "In possession of the tool to do the job, You're in possession of the tool to do the job. You can't be innocent, you see, if, when picked up, you're found to be In possession of the tool to do the job." 2). So Ernie said "Before yer get a statement, call me lawyer," His solicitor was happy to attend, After Ernie'd paid him double, he said "Tell me, what's the trouble?" And when Ernie'd told his story, the lawyer said "My friend, You don't have a leg to stand on, and all hope you should abandon, Of securing an acquittal on the day. You did have the apparatus, and that must affect your status, A plea in mitigation is your only chance, I'd say." CHORUS 3). They committed him for trial, and he made a strong denial. He tried hard to put across his point of view. He said "Sir, I've never used it, and as for making booze, it Is a thing, your honour, I would never want to do." Well, the judge deliberated, and finally he stated, "Prisoner rise, and then my judgement I'll commence. You have no defence in law, and I must convict you, for Just having the equipment is a criminal offence." CHORUS 4). "Now, before you're put away, have you anything to say? You've the right to make a plea in mitigation." Ernie said "Now is the time, to confess me life of crime, And offer two more cases for the court's consideration: An assault upon the person of an unsuspecting nun, And flashing at some pretty girls as well." The judge said, with a glare, "Come tell me when and where?" And Ernie answered, "Well it hasn't happened yet, BUT WHAT THE HELL!" CHORUS: "In possession of the tool to do the job, I'm in possession of the tool to do the job. I can't be innocent you see, if, when picked up, I'm found to be In possession of the tool to do the job. "IN POSSESSION OF THE TOOL TO DO THE JOB." © Don Thompson December 1998 TWO POLICEMEN RODE OUT. 1). Two policemen rode out in their panda one night, On the lookout for villains and vandals, Orange stripes on the sides, positioned just right, Showed them both where to find the door handles, Through street after street these two limbs of the law Stopped all who aroused their suspicions, And between times, while driving, they showed respect for, The road, and the weather, conditions. 2). As they made their way down a dark country lane, The headlights revealed a parked Roller, And beside it, relieving himself 'gainst a tree, A portly old gent, in a Bowler. "Aha", said the sergeant. "We'd better find out If this rich old devil's been drinking. From the way that he's swaying, there's really no doubt. This'll add to our tally, I'm thinking". 3). So they screeched to a halt, and jumped out of the car, Crying "Allo, and what's all this 'ere? Stand still while we ascertain whether you are The worse for the wine or the beer. Come blow into this till I tell you to stop. Keep blowing—keep blowing—O.K. then. Oh look, a red light! Now, well that's a fair cop. Oh, we're going to take you away then. 4). You're under the influence, under arrest, And you're coming with us to the station. So, really, I think it would be for the best If you show us your documentation." The old man looked puzzled, and said "Dearie me, I don't know what I had to blow for, But my licence, insurance, and my M.O.T., Are there, in the car, with my chauffeur". © Don Thompson April 1999. All my own work. Sorry if the line breaks don't come out right. Don T. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: frogprince Date: 12 Apr 05 - 01:05 PM Steve Gillette has one that, so far as I know, isn't on record. Can't give it to you as the lyric, but the joke goes something like: Most people only think they know the first words Neal Armstrong said when he stepped on the moon. Just before the "giant step" line, he turned off the outside broadcast and said, "This one's for you, Mr. O'Reilly. Those who heard it asked about it later, and he explained. As a boy, his family lived next door to the O'Reillys. One day he was playing softball with friends in his yard. The ball landed just under a window of the O'Reilly house. Just as Neal stooped to pick it up, he heard Mrs. O'Reilly's angry voice saying, "You want me to do WHAT? ... I'll do that when the kid next door walks on the moon... |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Jim Dixon Date: 12 Apr 05 - 09:27 AM See THE LORD'LL PROVIDE by Larry Reynolds, recorded by Mike Cross. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Art Thieme Date: 25 Nov 02 - 11:22 PM There will be a song I wrote and sing on the Mudcat CD---STRAWBERRY----called "CHICAGO TOWN BLUES". Each verse in it was formerly a joke I heard somewhere. I'd love to hear what you folks think about it !!??? It got kind of popular in Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin ----- for a while ---- twenty-five years ago----------... Art Thieme |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST,Arkie Date: 25 Nov 02 - 11:17 AM Don referred to "Shame and Scandal" which was recorded by Trini Lopez and a host of others, Joe to "Johnnie Be Fair", and there are a couple of other songs on the same theme, Jimmy Driftwood's "Mixed Up Family" and Mike Cross' "Emma Turl". All supposedly originating from an old joke. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Nigel Parsons Date: 25 Nov 02 - 07:31 AM I'd heard (and used) the line "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me" long before it became a song by the Beallamy brothers. Nigel |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Boab Date: 25 Nov 02 - 01:21 AM Don't ask me who owns the copyright-- Dan-- "'Twas in our local public house one evening late in June, Piano it was playin' and it was a groovy tune, When bursting thro' the bar-room door came a giant of a man-- "Fill me a pint--for I've come to fight wi' a man that you call Dan!" "He drank a pint o' whisky--and then ate fifty pies; He must have measured seven feet--an' that's between the eyes! "I've searched around this whole wide world, each corner of this land-- But tonight I'll fight, for in this room there is a man called DAN!" Then up steps this wee fella with red ginger hair- He couldn't have made but four feet six--with his hands up in the air; "Well, I'm yer man, my name is Dan--hit me, if ye can!" --And a big black boot it left the floor and blootered him on the pan! The wee lad hit the ceiling, and then began to drop; Was met by an uppercut, and three karate chops-- His blood was all around the walls, his false teeth on the floor-- And the big man trampled over them as he walked out the door. The bar-room door had hardly closed when the wee chap shook his head-- He starts to roar and laugh then , and here is what he said-- "Oh I've just made a fool o' him, I've just had a ball!-- For I'm wee Willie McCann--I'm not Dan at all!!" |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 25 Nov 02 - 12:05 AM A joke about the people who work F'Cunard "UNCLE WULLIE" |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Joe Offer Date: 24 Nov 02 - 11:34 PM I had often wondered about the origin of JOHNNY BE FAIR. I e-mailed Buffy Sainte-Marie, and said she wrote the song after hearing the story as a joke. The "$65 Sports Car" is called A TRUE STORY in the Digital Tradition, attributed to Kate Clinton, John McCutcheon, & Betsy Rose - but is that the first sung version? -Joe Offer- |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Grab Date: 01 May 01 - 07:26 AM "LITTLE RABBIT FUFU", with the final line of "Hare today, GOON tomorrow", has to be in there somewhere. Graham. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: pastorpest Date: 30 Apr 01 - 09:13 PM THE CHIVALROUS SHARK" is in the digitrad, words and music, though the melody I know is somewhat different from what appears here. The song dates from around 1900 and brings a laugh where ever I sing it. |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: DRUNKS SAY THE DAMNEDEST THINGS (Clayton) From: Songster Bob Date: 30 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM I can't help but post a lyric of my own composing. I wrote it to get the second joke into song, but padded it with one of my own and another that some of the fans of "hip" comedians might just barely recognize. Here it is: DRUNKS SAY THE DAMNEDEST THINGS He fell in front of the subway car as it sped down the track. The wheels rolled over bones and flesh and broke his aching back. A drunk gazed from the platform at the red and gory parts, Then offered his opinion, saying, "Boy, I bet that smarts!" CHORUS: Drunks -- say the damnedest things. Their thoughts take flight on fancy's wings. Unfettered by the bonds of sense that sober living brings, Drunks -- say the damnedest things. The bar was filled with sweet young things, all coos and curves and curls, When the drunk on the end-most stool heard a line to pick up girls: A British gent said to a girl, "Tickle your arse with a feather?" Then repeated it more "clearly" as: "Typical narsty weather." CHORUS The drunk saw that this line had worked, despite its startling brass, So he said to the woman on his left, "Stick a feather up your ass?" The outraged woman turned on him, -- "What's that you said again?" The drunk in triumph played his card and said, "Think it'll rain?" CHORUS He cursed the cop arresting him, of that there is no doubt. He called him every name in the book, and some that were edited out. It was "Son-of-this," and "Mother-that," and more that were not so fine; Then he tipped his hat to the officer, saying, "Hope I'm not out of line!" CHORUS Copyright © 1991, Bob Clayton. All rights reserved. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Peter K (Fionn) Date: 29 Apr 01 - 07:17 PM Then there's THE BALLAD OF WILLIAM BLOAT, on which we had some discussion a while ago. Here's the thread. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Lanfranc Date: 29 Apr 01 - 07:09 PM Jake Thackray's "THE BANTAM COCK" comes to mind. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: The Walrus Date: 29 Apr 01 - 05:35 PM Roseberry tae his lady said, "My Hinny and my succour "Now shall we dae the thing ye ken "Or shall we hae our supper?" With a riddle-come-a ra With a fol-come-a-ra With a riddle-come-a-ranty Wi' modest face, sae full o' grace Replied his noble lady, "My Noble Lord, do as you please "But supper is nae ready" From McColl & Seeger "The Wanton Muse" (IIRC) It just seemed to fit here. Good Luck. Walrus |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: IVOR THE DRIVER (Dave Goulder) From: kendall Date: 28 Apr 01 - 10:53 PM There is an old joke that Dave Goulder made into a song. IVOR THE DRIVER Words and music by Dave Goulder. As recorded by Gordon Bok on Gordon Bok and Bob Zentz: "Together Again for the First Time" (2017) One night at the church I was pinchin' the coal, Over the ground and under the ground When what did I see? Well, I’ll tell you it whole. Over and under the ground A drunken old miner was walkin' alone, Over the ground and under the ground When he nipped through the graveyard to find his way home. Over and under the ground Well, he was thinkin' of only the time he could save, Over the ground and under the ground When he tumbled into an unoccupied grave. Over and under the ground Well, he picked himself up and he scrambled about, Over the ground, etc. But try as he might, he just couldn’t get out. Over and under, etc. Well, not bein' the kind who would whimper and weep, Over, etc. He sat down in a corner and went off to sleep. Over, etc. Well, the miner was sleepin', not carin' at all, Over, etc. When Ivar the driver nipped over the wall. Over, etc. Well, the night it was dark and old Ivar was full, Over, etc. And he slipped and he fell in that very same hole. Over, etc. Well, he spat and he screamed and he cursed and he swore, Over, etc. And he wakened the miner asleep on the floor. Over, etc. Old Ivar was sure there was no one about, Over, etc. When a voice from the dark said, "You'll never get out." Over, etc. Well, the grave it was dark and exceedingly deep, Over, etc. But Ivar the driver was out in one leap. Over, etc. Well, the sleepy old miner he scratched and he spat, Over, etc. And he says to himself, "Well, how’d he do that?" Over, etc. Now, the miner remembers his night with the dead, Over, etc. But Ivar the driver is strapped in his bed. Over, etc. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: kendall Date: 28 Apr 01 - 10:31 PM Guest fleetwood, you will find that one in the puns thread. |
|
Subject: Lyr Add: AUSTRALIA From: GUEST,fleetwood Date: 28 Apr 01 - 08:44 PM Here's an old joke based on a quote from Shakespeare which I turned into a very bad poem. AUSTRALIA In a single seater airplane across the sky he flew, Over vast Australia, enamored by the view, But, sad to state, the plane it crashed, and from the wreck he crawled, And gathering up what he could save, he sat awhile and bawled. Then setting forth on foot to find some succour and some aid, Across the burning sand he strode. A desolate sight he made. The sun it seemed it hotter got. His water it diminished. By the time the sun it had gone down, he thought that he was finished. But crawling through the dawn's cold light, a signpost banged his head. It pointed to Mercy Town which lay two miles ahead. He willed his failing body on into this one-horse town, And at the other end of it was an arrow pointing down. "Bar" it said, so there he went and enquired for a drink, But the story that he then heard, well, it made him stop and think, For the beer and lager had run out. No spirits could be had, And all the drinking water there had recently gone bad. "What have you got?" the pilot cried. "I've got to have a brew." The barman took a bottle down. From it the dust he blew. "A local concoction made," he said, "by a local aborigine From koala bears and local herbs—a drink that they call tea." The barman handed him a glass and from the bottle poured, And lumps of green and rotting flesh into his glass sprung forth. "I can't drink that!" the pilot said. "Why don't you serve it strained?" To which the barman then replied: "the koala tea of mercy is not strained." |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Morticia Date: 28 Apr 01 - 09:46 AM Well I've heard this told as a joke many times. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: GUEST,Tom DeVries Date: 28 Apr 01 - 09:17 AM Hi! I've been reading some of these postings and wondering if some of the good jokes and lyrics of the Arkansas Traveller are posted anywhere? |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Mrrzy Date: 09 Aug 00 - 03:33 PM On our old Bloody Ballads album (Dean Gitter?) were several which ended in punch lines: Pearl Bryan is decapitated by her lover and his friend, and only the body is found, not the head, and the killers refused to divulge its location. The final verse is So you girls who fall in love / you still may be misled / don't take any hasty actions / oh girls, don't lose your head! Then there is the one where boy gets girl pregnant, boy takes girl out on a pretext, boy kills girl, boy is caught, girl's sister testifies, boy is hanged... and this one ended with Her sister swore my life away, I'm hellbound without doubt / She swore I was the very man who took her sister out! |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Willie-O Date: 09 Aug 00 - 03:23 PM Well Bert, we saw a cemetery in the Adirondacks recently with a sign prohibiting the leaving of plastic flowers (I don't think it was for aesthetic reasons, I guess they strangle lawnmowers...). Steve Goodman was a great writer of joke songs, especially when he got together with John Prine. Remember "Turnpike Tom", "Death of a Salesman" and others too dreadful to name. Willie-O |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Bert Date: 09 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM Just discovered this thread while searching for something else. When we first moved to Alabama we were surprised by the quantities of plastic flowers in the graveyards. We had a sick joke in our family "You plant people to grow plastic flowers" Eventually I had to write a song about it: PLASTIC FLOWER SEEDS. Bert. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Steve Parkes Date: 26 Nov 99 - 03:14 AM No, I've heard it Don, and it was definiotely sung by two Americans! |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Melbert Date: 25 Nov 99 - 12:55 PM Don, I'M MY OWN GRANDPA may well have English origins. It does kinda sound like the kind of inbreeding which the British "nobility" is known for........ |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Art Thieme Date: 25 Nov 99 - 08:48 AM lamarca, Thank you so very much for your digression ! And certainly, a wondrous Thanksgiving to you and to all! Art Thieme |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: lamarca Date: 24 Nov 99 - 05:33 PM Art, How could I have forgotten your song? KathWestra hosted a workshop at NOMAD this year called "The Infamous Broken Token" and specifically asked my husband, George, to sing "That's the Ticket" - and it still gets laughs! George says he learned more about good guitar playing for accompanying songs from your records than from almost anywhere else. We think we've got them all... One of my very favorite songs by you is "The Shanty Boy from the Big Eau Claire", being a Wisconsin girl myself...But I digress.
|
|
Subject: Lyr/Tune Add: TO CURB RISING THOUGHTS^^ From: Bruce O. Date: 24 Nov 99 - 02:30 PM That "Cowboy Song" is one of those 'Any port in a storm/ Necessity is the mother of invention' pieces. A cowboy version of "The Crossed Couple", noted above, is in Logsden's 'The Whorehouse Bells are Ringing' [From Pills to Purge Melancholy. Earlier broadside version (ZN1361) 1686-8, is rather different and longer but shares some verses. ZN1361, in the web broadside ballad index, is to the tune of "The Country Farmer" (King James's Jig, B262 of the broadside ballad tunes), or "The Devonshire Damsels" (same tune, diff. title, but not the tune below.) I've forgotten on which night Scherazade told this as a tale.]
To curb rising Thoughts
There was an Old Woman that had but One Son, And as he was a going Home,
I ha' begg'd Butter-milk all this long Day,
This Butter-milk I will it sell, And those seven Eggs I'll set under a Hen, But as he was going Home, chorus His Pitcher was broke, and his Eggs were dispatch'd.
X:1
|
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: Jack (who is called Jack) Date: 24 Nov 99 - 12:24 PM Check out Tim Wallace's "COWBOY SONG" in the DT. |
|
Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs... From: DonMeixner Date: 24 Nov 99 - 08:19 AM I seem to recall a bunch of songs by Lord Invader and His Twelve Penetrators that were very double entendre-ish and had the sounds of an old joke in them. Calypso music seems rife with them. Mainly I'm recalling the story of the boy who wants to marry a girl whom his father claims is his and the boys mother don't know. What the father doesn't know is he is not the sons father. I also believe that I'M MY OWN GRANDPA began life as a joke. But I've also heard that it has very old British Isles ancestors. Which to believe? Maybe it's an old English joke. Don |
| Share Thread: |