Lyr ADD: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)(& Various)

Subject: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Micca
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:52 AM

Anyone have the lyrics of this Miles Wootton song its the one that goes,

Sitting in the garden in my little Noddy suit
Sparrows on me fishing rod and frog spawwn in me boot
its pouring down with rain, I've got water on the brain
but Im stuck here by the pond like King Canute

Long ago I used to be a king upon a throne
but I met a wicked fairy and she turned me into stone
and that is why you find me in the garden all alone
Oh its not much fun being a Gnome

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Wavestar
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:54 AM

Can't help, but it sounds fun...

-J

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:58 AM

It's a gross slander, I tell you!!! I need the address of this Mr Wooten so my lawyers can get in touch with his.

Dave the fun Gnome

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Lanfranc
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:08 PM

Micca, I've got this on a Derek Brimstone LP.

When I get chance, I'll post it for you

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Noreen
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 01:18 PM

Sounds just the thing for you to sing this weekend, Dave? **VBG**

Noreen

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Catrin
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 05:46 PM

Dave - I thought you were trying to tell us something! *VVBG*

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 05:46 PM

Micca, why didn't you just ask - we could have given you a copy on Saturday! You should know by now to always ask your Uncle Manitas first.... And him an honourable member of the Gnome Club..... We actually have it on tape somewhere - I'll see what I can do about transcribing it for everyone.

LTS, who actually married a gnome. Thank heaven it wasn't a troll.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE GNOME (from Bernard Bolan)
From: Stewie
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 06:44 PM

Dave the Gnome, here's another one for your lawyers. Bernard Bolan should be able to take them on because he is a lawyer as well as songwriter. Sorry I can't post a tune, but other Oz people such as John in Brisbane, Bugsy, Bob Bolton etc should know this and may be able to post one. I not certain about the 'Snow White' line, but it is what it sounds like. Bernard has been delighting audiences with this for decades:
^^
THE GNOME
(Bernard Bolan)

Both dusk and dawn I sit on the lawn
For the whole of the livelong day
Though at night I dance, by day my stance
Will never move nor sway
My cheeks are red and me cap is too
Me ears both flap and me coat is blue
When doggies crap, I've a birdseye view
I'm a gnome, a gnome

I sit on me arse on the green, green grass
Beneath the cherry tree
Though made of stone, it is very well known
My heart is full of glee
That is why I always smile
I only frown but once in a while
When doggies piddle, it's rather vile
For a gnome, a gnome

So you will see if you're following me
It's dogs that I don't like
And neither would you if they made you the loo
And used you for the dyke
I'll bet their pet will never forget
The day they had to call the vet
The bloody last time he'll try to wet
A gnome, a gnome

I'm not an elf, I'm not a sprite, I'm not a dwarf
That gets Snow White
I'm not a fairy so get it right
I'm a gnome, a gnome

So it's eyes to the floor with your motor mower
As you bowl across the green
When bashed in the bum, I can become
Both mischievous and mean
I'll trip you up in your goddam flat
Don't forget me pointed hat
A terrible sight is a man who's sat
On a gnome, a gnome

Gremlin, goblin, imp and spook
You find us all in the magic book
But you can see if you'll take one look
I'm a gnome, a gnome

So maybe when you think of me
You will not scowl and scorn
And maybe you won't knock me down
When you try to mow the lawn
So remember Harry, Dick and Tommy
Call me gnome and not g-nommy
You will make me happy if you will call me
An ever loving gnome

Source: transcription from Bernard Bolan 'An Eccentric Collection' E E Eclectic Enterprises EEEE 2000-1 CD.
PS.

Cheers, Stewie.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE GNOME (Miles Wootton)
From: Bugsy
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 07:44 PM

It's actually written by Miles Wootton.
^^
THE GNOME

I'm sitting in the garden in my little Noddy suit
With a sparrow on me fishing rod and frog spawn in my boot
Oh it's tiddling down with rain, I've got water on the brain,
But I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute.

The kids have knocked my nose off, and my boots are getting thin,
And the way that they all treat me here, it really is a sin.
And there's a pigeon I can see, he's aiming straight for me,
And the gardener strikes his matches on my shin.

Well, long ago I used to be a king upon a throne.
I met a wicked fairy and she turned me into stone.
And that is why I'm sitting in this garden all alone.
It's not much fun being a gnome.

I'm sitting here a fishing but these fishes never bite.
And anyway it's been so long I've lost my appetite,
Oh it really is a strain, here's that pigeon back again.
Has anybody got some dynamite.

There's a doggy comes to see me every evening after tea,
I used to wonder why he was so very fond of me.
And then I found out why, it hit me in the eye.
Have you ever been mistaken for a tree.

My earhole's full of cobwebs and my doublet doesn't fit.
Sitting on this toadstool well I feel a proper twit.
And the way that they all treat me here it makes me want to spit.
And it's not much fun being a Gnome.

But I'll sit here in the garden in my little Noddy suit.
With a sparrow on my fishing rod and tadpoles in my boots.
Oh it's piddling down with rain, I've got water on the brain.
But I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute, RULE BRITTANIA!
I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: magician
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:01 PM

I was in the proccess of writing it out whrn you did Bugsy. By the way it was written by an old friend Paul Lucas. Your words are not quite the original but they are near enough.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Bugsy
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 08:05 PM

Well, Magician, Derek Brimstone gives credit to Miles Wootton on his album "Very Good Time" and Miles Wootton gives himself credit for it on his album "Sunday Supplement World". Maybe you should check with your friend again.

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 10:09 PM

G'day Stewie (and all other gnomes),

I have always heard these lines thus:

I'm not an elf, I'm not a sprite, I'm not a dwarf -
Forgets Snow White
I'm not a fairy, so get it right
I'm a gnome, a gnome.

So it's eyes to the floor with your motor mower
As you bowl across the green
When bashed in the bum, I can become
Both mischievous and mean
I'll trip you up and you'll go down flat
and don't forget me pointed hat
A terrible sight is a man who's sat
On a gnome, a gnome.

I don't have the tune written out anywhere ... I could ask Bernard if he has, but I suspect he just sings it! Perhaps some keen fan has transcribed it. I should have a link somewhere to Bernard's schizoid Lawyer/Singer-songwriter web site, but it seems not to have survived the last corporate computer upgrade.

Regards,

Bob Bolton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: alison
Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:25 PM

I always thought it was "forget Snow White"... although "who gets......" sounds like the relationship wasn't entirely innocent *grin*........

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Stewie
Date: 15 Nov 00 - 12:05 AM

Hi Bob, thanks for the corrections - I thought 'goddam' was a bit American for Bernard, but couldn't work it out. The lad should improve his diction.

Cheers, Stewie.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Micca
Date: 15 Nov 00 - 03:29 AM

Bugsy, Many thanks thats exactly the song, and if I get time for a quick bit of practice, I might give it a go this w/e in Manchester at "Son of Llanstock".
I always understood it was by Miles Wootton,both from the person I first heard sing it, and I had a tape of the album, but that seems to have vanished.still many thanks again,

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 15 Nov 00 - 07:26 AM

While I've heard Bernard do his song a few times the tune goes a bit troppo in the B part and I certainly can only vaguely recall it. Regards, John

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 15 Nov 00 - 07:35 AM

Fol-re-rol

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Nov 00 - 07:38 PM

Manitas was always a little weird, I think that's why I married him....

And it is Miles Wootton. He said so himself.

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From:
Date: 16 Nov 00 - 01:54 AM

Always new it as 'Forget Snow white'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 16 Nov 00 - 09:49 PM

G'day again,

OK ... the extra 's' got I missed when I did a 'cut & paste on Stewie's words ... for our pedantic friends:

I'm not an elf, I'm not a sprite, I'm not a dwarf -
Forget Snow White
I'm not a fairy, so get it right
I'm a gnome, a gnome.

Regard(les)s,

Bob Bolton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Noreen
Date: 17 Nov 00 - 08:19 AM

Gnomes always go around saying 'Fol-de-rol', didn't you know, Liz?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 17 Nov 00 - 08:24 AM

No. No. It's trolls wot say Fol-de-rol. Like in the 3 Billy Goats Gruff.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Noreen
Date: 17 Nov 00 - 08:30 AM

Ah- someone with inside knowledge! I stand corrected... so were you doing an impersonation then?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: alison
Date: 17 Nov 00 - 09:07 AM

"I'm a troll, fol-de-rol... and I'll have you for dinner"

*grin*

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 07 - 09:40 AM

Hey BUGSY. Are you the same from Soul Survivor? If so can you please contact Dunc at [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 May 07 - 11:03 AM

Most interesting. What's a Noddy suit?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 May 07 - 11:10 AM

As in "Noddy & Big Ears" - ex Enid Blyton...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Micca
Date: 21 May 07 - 01:39 PM

For a Noddy Suit see Here its the boy with the Pointy hat

Subject: Lyr Add: THERE'S A GNOME IN MY GARDEN
From: RTim
Date: 21 May 07 - 01:50 PM

While on the "Gnome" theme - does anyone know where the following song comes from.
I "think" I heard it at Sidmouth Festival many, many years ago (at a children's event).
I learnt it and sang it to my kids, and I sometimes sing it when the occasion demands, and even had it collected off me at Pinewoods Camp Folk Music week last year.

THERE'S A GNOME IN MY GARDEN.
There's a gnome in my garden
His name is Hob. He has an unusual sort of job,
He stands for hours in his little coat of red
Fishing for fish in the flower bed.

Shhh, shhh, don't say a word, he'd be most upset
If he thought it was absurd.

Wouldn't it be funny if a fish with fins & gills
Would swim in secret somewhere among the daffodils.

Shhh, shhh, don't say a word he'd be most upset
If he knew it were absurd.

Tim Radford

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 May 07 - 12:37 AM

Miles Wootton:

In this thread alone, we have it spelled Wooton, Wooten, Whooton, and Whooten, but I think the correct spelling is Wootton.

At least that's how it's spelled at Hat Records, Amazon.co.uk, The Dartford Folk Club Web Site, Musical Traditions (mustrad.org.uk), Patty Vetta and Alan Franks' web site, Old Bridge Music....

Subject: Lyr Add: CAN'T YOU STAND TO LET HIM GO?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 24 May 07 - 11:33 AM

On the subject of this thread, here's a song I wrote a few years ago:

CAN'T YOU STAND TO LET HIM GO?
            C
    All ye gentlemen and ladies,
               G7
    Won't you listen to my song?

    It's about our little brothers
               C
    Who stand out upon the lawn.
                                 C7            F
    Garden Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold,
          G7                                 C
    Pity Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold.


CHORUS:       C7                               F
    He's the little man that drips there in the rain.
               G7                            C
    He's the little man that shivers in the snow.
             C7
    He's the little man that swelters
                   F
            in the hot and broiling sun.
               G7                                 C
    Gents and ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

    Have ye got a heart of iron?
    Have ye got a soul of stone?
    Have ye not a shred of pity
    For the Gnome who stands alone?
    For the Gnome who herds flamingoes 'cross your lawn.
    Poor old Gnome who herds flamingoes 'cross your lawn.

CHORUS: And he's the little man that drips
                there in the rain.
         He's the little man that shivers in the snow.
         He's the little man that swelters
             in the hot and broiling sun.
         Gents and ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

    Oh, I call on your humanity,
    I call upon your heart
    To abolish this vile slav'ry
    Of the little men of art.
    Gnomes whose only sin is being made of stone!
    They whose only sin is being made of stone!

CHORUS: And he's the little man that drips
               there in the rain.
         He's the little man that shivers in the snow.
         He's the little man that swelters
               in the hot and broiling sun.
         Gents and ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

CODA:    He's the little man whose nose drips in the rain;
         Turns to icicles a-standin' in the snow.
         He's the little man who sweats a ton,
         Standin' there in the noonday sun.
               Gents and ladies, can't you let him go?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Not much fun being a Gnome
From: GUEST,James 2179
Date: 07 Sep 07 - 02:55 AM

Hi, I would love to be able to play the Not much fun being a gnome song on the Guitar. Does anyone have the chords they could share with me. Thanks in advance.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,miles wootton
Date: 16 Nov 07 - 07:40 PM

blimey! going back a bit! Suggest you buy mt CD with Gnome on it.Only £10 guv inclusive of p&p. Miles Wootton 102 Carden Avenue.BRIGHTON BNI 8ne Tel [phone]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Nov 07 - 08:15 AM

And Miles' CD is EXCELLENT value - A whole pile of superb songs !!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: breezy
Date: 17 Nov 07 - 12:45 PM

Norman is my gnome and busks with me, he is famous in Padstow and St Albans

I adopted him back in the late 60s at the Crypt folk club of St Mary's Church in Woolwich S E London

He will be most interested in this thread

btw Norman says, its

'Hissing down with rain' and Norman is usually right, and his fishing rod is well and truly u s

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,miles wootton
Date: 12 Dec 07 - 05:59 PM

contact me at [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: mileswootton
Date: 23 May 09 - 06:14 PM

It's on my CD "The Least Worst of Miles Wootton" £10 including P@P. My phone is 01273 504878

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: mileswootton
Date: 30 May 10 - 06:18 PM

Gnome and other songs are on my CD ""The Least Worst of Miles Wootton" Ten quid including P&P from me at 102 Carden Avenue Brighton , BN1 8NE Tel: [phone]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 30 May 10 - 06:27 PM

To repeat what I said in Nov 07 , its an excellent CD ! BUY IT !!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 31 May 10 - 09:58 AM

I've learned something interesting stuff about garden gnomes:

"The first garden gnomes were introduced to the United Kingdom in 1847 by Sir Charles Isham, when he brought 21 terracotta figures back from a trip to Germany and placed them around the gardens of his home, Lamport Hall in Northamptonshire. Only one of the original batch of gnomes survives: Lampy as he is known, is on display at Lamport Hall, and is insured for one million pounds.

Garden gnomes have become a popular accessory in many gardens, although they are not loved by all. They can be the target of pranks: people have been known to "return to the wild" these garden gnomes, most notably France's "Front de Liberation des Nains de Jardins" and Italy's "MALAG" (Garden Gnome Liberation Front).

Some kidnapped garden gnomes have been sent on trips around the world, being passed from person to person and photographed at different famous landmarks, with the photos being returned to the owner."

As for that last, I once watched a French movie, 'Amalie,' where that was going on.

Thanks for posting, everybody.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,john bacon
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 03:28 AM

Hi did anyone ever find the chords for the Gnome by Miles Wootton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 10:05 AM

GUEST john bacon

Miles Wootton has posted his E Mail AND address - Why not ask the man who wrote it ?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 07:33 AM

Not convinced it is Miles Wootton. I understood it was the late Fred Wedlock who wrote it - and so did the two guys I learnt it from.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 07:03 PM

Fred Wedlock was a very clever and entertaining peformer , and a thief
of the first order . He wrote a number of very good songs , but did NOT write the Gnome song - That is definately Miles Wootton's .

I am happy to admit to being a Song Thief myself , and have stolen songs (AND credited them to) Fred Wedlock AND Miles W .

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Bugsy
Date: 08 Oct 12 - 08:33 PM

GUEST,James 2179 Here's the chords, rightly or wrongly, as I play them. I hope they help.


THE GNOME

C                   Am          D7          G
I'm sitting in the garden in my little Noddy suit

       C             Am             D7               G
With a sparrow on me fishing rod and frog spawn in my boot

       F                                 C            Am
Oh it's tiddling down with rain, I've got water on the brain,

         D7                               G    G7
But I'll sit here by the pond like King Canute.



C                        Am               D7                \G
The kids have knocked my nose off, and my boots are getting thin,

C                         Am                D7          G
And the way that they all treat me here, it really is a sin.

             F                      C                  Am
And there's a pigeon I can see, he's aiming straight for me,

       D7                   G             C    C7      
And the gardener strikes his matches on my shin.


      F                      G
Well, long ago I used to be a king upon a throne.

   F                         C
I met a wicked fairy and she turned me into stone.

    F                               C          Am       D7
And that is why I'm sitting in this garden all alone.

D7                        G       G7
It's not much fun being a gnome.

And so on, and so forth.....




Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,JimI
Date: 09 Oct 12 - 09:16 AM

When I was in an English Civil War Re-enactment regiment many years ago Miles's song was part of the initiation ceremony.

New members had to sit in shirtsleeves around the campfire holding sticks (aka fishing rods)while the others sang the song (well, about three verses of it). Upon repeating the first verse (piddling down with rain) buckets of cold water were upended over the heads of the newbies.

What fun was had by all!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Vic Smith
Date: 09 Oct 12 - 09:34 AM

Not convinced it is Miles Wootton. I understood it was the late Fred Wedlock who wrote it - and so did the two guys I learnt it from.

Miles Wootton - a friend for over 40 years - wrote the song and his singing of it was popular in Brighton area folk clubs a good while before Fred Wedlock heard it at the Stanford Arms Folk Club when he was the guest there. I was there the night Fred heard it and remember Fred's enthusiasm for the song.

Later, Miles heard from Fred telling him that he wanted to record it, but if he did then the writing credit on the album would be to Wedlock/Wootton. Fred followed this up by saying that if Miles did not agree to this then he would not record it so the choice was between royalties of 50% of something or 100% of nothing. Miles opted to allow Fred to record it and to attribute a half of the writing credit.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: GUEST,cliffmac
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 11:47 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A13FuixaquU

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: The Sandman
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 03:55 PM

Thanks,Vic.
Fred,imo,comes across as an exploiter

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Gnome (Miles Wootton)
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 12 Nov 12 - 05:29 AM

50. (that's a gnome-sized 100)

As this thread seems to be collecting Gnome songs, here's one form an Earlier thread

THE GNOMES SEX CHANGE
Nigel Parsons 14/4/11   (apologies to Ewan MacColl)

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The day was just ending, as I was descending
To Glasto, just South of the Tor
And being quite dense, I jumped over a fence
The wire ripped through the britches I wore.
It also ripped right through my manhood (gnome-hood?)
Leaving me terribly sore.
And the doctor he said, without laughing!
That I could be a dad-gnome no more!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

The specialist said I'd lost more than my 'head'
In truth, I'd lost most of my dick.
And tho' skin's quite elastic; still with surgery plastic
I'd more chance of a 'cave' than a 'pick' (sorry, dwarvish joke, I couldn't resist it despite the pain!)
I made up my mind in a jiffy
Though what I was losing was small.
The internal workings are iffy
The unkindest cut of them all!

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.

Now I go where I will, over valley & hill
And I don't care what other gnomes think
I remember my fate, I use stile or gate!
And my beard I've dyed a light pink
So I can still go on a bender
When to folk club, or folk fest I roam.
For no-one there questions my gender.
It matters to none but a gnome.

I'm a gnom-ee, I'm a gnom-ee from Manchester way
I've taken my pleasures the good laddish way
Renouncing that may seem quite churlish
But now I want pleasures quite girlish.