Song Challenge! - Part 57

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:14 AM

Once more into the fray and spray, dear Challenge!rs --

This Challenge! is dedicated to Catspaw in celebration of his homecoming and apparent miraculous recovery from surgery. So, jump into this one with both feet and make it really great!

Let's Have Another Cup of Cat Cra . . . uh, Coffee – Well, it seems that the coffee market is being undermined by runaway planting in Vietnam and Indonesia, flooding the market with cheap coffee. Meanwhile, consumption has been relatively flat. A Starbucks on every corner doesn't mean people are drinking more coffee; thus, the proliferation of gourmet offerings as customers' tastes continuing to get more rarefied. One coffee retailer in Atlanta sells something called "luwak" coffee, which it claims is picked by the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphrodites), often described as catlike, but probably better thought of as an Asian version of a raccoon, coati or kinkajou. The palm civet is also known as the 'toddy cat,' for its fondness for the palm juice that is tapped to make a sweet liquor.

On coffee plantations, palm civets dine heavily on coffee cherries. However, they digest only the outer pulp of fruit, passing the coffee beans unharmed through their digestive systems. And because palm civets repeatedly deposit their droppings in piles at the same spots, the coffee beans are easily collected, roasted then brewed into kopi luwak--civet coffee. Kopi luwak is reputedly the best of all coffees because palm civets pluck and eat only the most perfectly ripe cherries! The price of a pound of kopi luwak coffee? $300.00

Whether the beans are affected as they go through the animal's gut is also unknown. For that matter, there is some debate about whether coffee called kopi luwak was ever anywhere near a palm civet. Asked how he knew the beans were really collected from civet scats, one coffee company representative said, "We operate on trust." As for the taste, he described the brew as "gamey".

One dealer described the same scene being repeated every time he tells someone about luwak coffee: "At some point in the story, when you explain how this cat eats only the perfectly ripe coffee cherries, the listener gets this cautious look on his face, and says, "Are you telling me that..." and the dealer always nods and says, "Yes, that's exactly right. Roasted cat-shit for $300 a pound."

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:23 AM

A celebratory chorus for now:

What he needs is a proper cup of coffee made from the droppings of a civet cat. He might not like the taste, but with luck it might be better than a Mudcat moggie's waste. Fierce alley cats or worse smelly cats leave samples at his door, But he can't have the droppings of a proper kopi civet cat - so the Marmite might just have to do for 'spaw.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:25 AM

Ir with line breaks (why not):

What he needs is a proper cup of coffee
made from the droppings of a civet cat.
He might not like the taste,
but with luck it might be better than a Mudcat moggie's waste.
Fierce alley cats or worse smelly cats leave samples at his door,
But he can't have the droppings of a proper kopi civet cat
- so the Marmite might just have to do for 'spaw.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 08:22 AM

OK folks,How about a little gospel to get this one going.

SHITTING COFFEE BEANS
(sung to Bringing in the sheaves)

Coffee from Columbia
Coffee from Brazil
It all ends up at Starbucks
And I've had my fill
Now there's something new
It's the best I've ever seen
Tastes a little gamey
But they tell me it's caffine.

(Chorus)
Shitting coffee beans
Shitting coffee beans
We will make a fortune
Shitting coffee beans,
Shitting coffee beans
Shitting coffee beans
We will make a fortune
Shitting coffee beans.

Some folks drink their Coke
Some folks drink their tea
Since I found Kopi Luwak
It's cat poo poo for me
The flavor it is tops
All others are beneath
I pour it down my gullet
And I strain it through my teeth.

(Chorus)

All I drink is Kopi Luwak
It's the best I've ever found
Though it's a little pricey
At three hundred bucks a pound
But the flavor can't be beat
And it gets me really wound
Drinking Civet Droppings
Picked up off the ground.

(Chorus)

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:14 AM

LMAO DB....will wonders never cease??

Come Ode to Starbucks

Mairzy doats and dosey doates
And palm civets eat coffee
We pay a lot for their brew
Made of poo

If the words sound queer, funny to your ear
As you talk to your barista
Hand over your cash and bare your ash
Starbucked right up the keestah---(okay poetic license..*bg*)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh........
Mairzy doats and dosey doates
And palm civets eat coffee
We pay a lot for their brew
Made of poo

~Jen

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:42 AM

Starbucked right up the keestah******LOL*****

I love it Jen!

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:10 AM

Advice to the Starbucks' trainee by El El Beano

A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial.

As you make your way through life
Only one way to live it
Appreciate the finer things
Like coffee from a civet

The civet picks the finest beans
To process them uniquely
Talk about the gamey taste
But mention it obliquely

Some coffee makes you stay awake
Some coffee keeps you hopping
But only Kopi luwak can claim
That its good to the last dropping

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:14 AM

Good to the last DROPPING??? Starbucked up the KEESTER rhyming with BARISTA?? LMAO!!! Heeeheeeheee. You guys are SOOOO good. A real PWO (Pants-wetting opportunity!).

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:15 AM

Rob - that is...well it's just....

I'm speechless.

moan. I can't believe he actaully put that in print

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:24 AM

PWO??? The PW-ing has done been done!! Good to the last dropping???....omigawd....Rob, well DONE!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:15 AM

Labor Hymn of the Palm Civet
(to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic)

I'm just a little civet from the south of Viet Nam
I spend my days a labourin' upon this coffee farm
The wages they ain't great - but I get a private palm
And the coffee's brewin' on

It is Cof-fe-a Ro-bus-ta!
Not Cof-fe-a Ara-bic-a!
Only the ripest beans
Shall go through my in-test-eens
And the coffee's brewin' on

Others pick by hand or they use a little rake
I just use my gullet - so there shall be no mistake
Coffee cherries are most tasty - why should they go to waste?
And the coffee's brewin' on!

Chorus:

In Brazil and darkest Aafrica they use a process they call "dry"
In Viet Nam just hear-abouts - they wouldn't even try
For to keep the cherries company I drink fine palm juice wine
And the coffee's brewin' on

Chorus:

When the day is over, and I feel a certain "urge"
Then I scamper to the corner where I give myself a purge
They call THIS coffee "washed"- what a most descriptive word!
And the coffee's brewin' on

Chorus:

So when you're drinking Java (Well I wouldn't want to boast)
But "Blue Mountain" is no longer that for which you pay the most
"Kopi Luwak" coffee are the beans that you should roast!
And the coffee's brewin' on!

Chorus:

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:28 AM

Jen,Rob,MMario, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!

AND YOU'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE!!!!

LMA(and my shorts)O.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:33 AM

I think the news that 'Spaw should be back soon has everyone producing their best efforts.

Of course it could have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Just a theory.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:54 AM

Jen, I like the Barista thing, MMario, "Why should they go to waste" very clever double meaning.

Aine, this is a very funny topic.

I've always thought Starbucks coffee tastes like...civet droppings. It is a pity I couldn't work that in.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:10 PM

I couldn't resist taking this opportunity to comment on consumerism.

Gullibility blues

Well the French can sell us water, Four dollars for a drink
The French will sell us water, with a slightly benzine stink
And we pay that four dollars, though we can get it from the sink

Forty dollars for a tee shirt, Thirty dollars for the name
They really see us coming, yeah they know which way we came.
A "Tommy" or a "Kmart" well they're really just the same.

I got a new source of income, in the litterbox I'll scoop
I got a new source of income, in the litterbox I'll scoop
If the'll pay three hundred dollars, for a pound of civet poop

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:12 PM

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

All these songs are wonderfully graphic!

OK, lemme go see what I can "work out"...

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:13 PM

!!BRAVO!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:26 PM

Cat Scat (Mr. Paganini)

Oh Mister Coffee Kitty
Please pick my coffee bean
And if you cannot pick it
Won't you spit it?
And if you cannot spit it
You simply have to..be bop ee doo wop

Heard of your repetoire
At the coffee bar
Greeted it with round applause
What an expectaion
Your defecation
Is bringing them through the drawers, and I don't mean the doors

Mister Coffee Kitty
We breathlessly await
Your masterful colon
Now don't you quit it
And since you can't quit it
You simply have to sh*t it

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:27 PM

ohmygawd - I gotta take a break - my sides hurt!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:34 PM

Tom Paxton's "Song for a Lost Election" immediately comes to mind.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:55 PM

Kopi Luwak Rap

Expectation, constipation
Caffination and dedication
Anticipation of percolation
a libation of defication

I don't know if you want credit for this one JenEllen, but your "cat scat" inspired this one

"East Coast" Bob

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jim Krause
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:03 PM

Aine, I thought civit cats were related to the skunk. No? Yegods, it's amazing, too amazing for words. PT Barnum was right. "There's a sucker born every minute."
Jim

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:31 PM

Here's my first "pass" at a song...

ACHIN' BUM
(Tune: Aikendrum)

Ken ye how the coffee might (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Come from an hermaphrodite? (achin' bum)
He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so bright
And his wind through sphincter tight (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Smells of coffee in the right (achin' bum)!

Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum)
There you'll find the civet band who have sworn to clear the land
Of the cherries they demand (achin' bum, achin' bum
And the palm juice, too, they've planned (achin' bum)!


Beans go running round and round (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Beans go running round and round (achin' bum)
In the civet's stomach drowned, through intestines, then to ground
With a lovely plopping sound (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Where the bean pile can be found (achin' bum)

We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum, achin' bum)
We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum)
But we've sought the country o'er, gathered droppings by the score
For the Starbucks coffee store (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Still the civets poop some more (achin' bum)!

Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum)
Kopi luwak smells of pig; it'll dance a little jig
In yer innards, small and big (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Through yer sphincter it'll dig (achin' bum)!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:44 PM

Hmmmm- I know a different tune for Aiken Drum - must look this up...

civets are a carnivore most closely related to mongoose.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:45 PM

Oh, sh*t (what better phrase?); I need to make a correction AGAIN...

The third line should read: "He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so white"

Guess I had beans in my ears (ew ew ew)...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:55 PM

MMario: Blame DT. The tune file under "Aikendrum" sez CAPNKIDD ("Cap'n Kidd") and you're right, the tune doesn't seem to follow those lyrics exactly. I followed the structure of the lyrics as posted there (filename AIKNDRUM).

I've usually heard them referred to as "civet cats".

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:59 PM

Why, thank you Bob! I'll need all the help I can get should Ella ever hear what was done to her song...*bg*

~"Out West" Jen

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 02:00 PM

did a bit of looking up - there are civets, civet cats, otter civets, palm civets, spotted civets,....etc etc etc.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Trapper
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 04:28 PM

What a fun subject! It's always a hoot writing about poopie!

- Al

COFFEE BEANS!
To the tune of "Shaving Cream" by Benny Bell
New Words by Al Boyce 6/28/2001

I have a sad story to tell you.
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last evening I read in the headlines,
They're now making coffee from...

CHORUS:
COFFEE BEANS!
With sugar and cream
Drink coffee each day
And you'll always feel keen!

In South Vietnam there's a civet
Who's diet is queer, I'll admit
It dines only on coffee cherries,
And the beans then come out in its...

CHORUS:

These civet beans then are collected
From where these civets stop and sit
Then they're brewed up into "Kopi Luwak"
But they still taste to me just like...

CHORUS:

They charged me three C-Notes for Luwak
So I thought with my neighbor I'd split
But in Mocha, Espresso or Latte
That Luwak still smelled just like...

CHORUS:

So I brought Luwak to the Church Social
All brewed up in my picnic kit
When I served up a cup to the Pastor
He said, "God D*mn this cup of ..."

CHORUS:

So how should we drink Luwak coffee?
Just like KUDU DUNG, should we spit?
Or, just like a curse to a rival -
But instead of EAT, say "GO DRINK...."

CHORUS:

And now, 'Cats, this parody's ended.
I think Luwak drink makers should quit.
To protest, stick your arse in a Starbuck's
And leave them your OWN pile of...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 04:43 PM

Much agreed, Trapper. But I'm starting to realize why my dates always look so scared...

Civet Poo Coffee (Flying Fish Sailor)

A short song for you as you grab for your cup
(way-hey, fill up my mug)
And wave at the waitress for a 'fill'er on up'
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

Along from far Asia, there is a new brew
(way-hey fill up my mug)
Sounding exotic, but it's still civet poo
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

You may take cream and sugar with it if you dare
(way-hey fill up my mug)
But you still never know what's a-floating in there
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

There's all sorts of diseases from far foreign lands
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And you can't trust a civet to wash his wee hands
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

There's Ancylostoma, that's hookworm you know
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And Baylisascara that's shed when they go
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

Giardia, Listeria, Toxocara too
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And Cryptosporidium that's stuck on that poo
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

You used to fear waitress spit, when she was fed up
(way-hey fill up my mug)
Now you know why she smiles when she fills up your cup
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM

DDDD-AAAA-NNNN-GGGG-!!!!

Friggin' Amazing!! So far, every single song is qualifying for the Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon Award -- When I change my britches, I'll be back to give out the Silver B.L.O.B.s -- although, it will be extremely difficult to decide which bits to pick!!

-- Áine (who's now carefully tippy toeing to the bathroom to dry off . . . )

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:59 PM

Can we write ad slogans for this stuff?

You'll enjoy it exponentially!
'Cause it's flavored excrementally!

Civet....Sip it

Do you need clumping coffee filters with "fresh scent release"?

New from Folgers..... "Litterbox Select" with Flavour Pellets

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:17 PM

Rob should come with the patented BillD warning! (warn those of us that might have tea in the mouth while reading...pshwt!)

~Jen (chokingoverclumpingfilterswhilewipinghermonitoroff)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:20 PM

LOL!!! What remarkable genius appears when a license is issued to make toilet jokes!!! Do you suppose we of the Folkie persuasion are...somehow arrested in our development???

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

A young barista sweet there was,
From a far-off foreign land
Who just to earn her daily buck
At Starbuck's leant a hand
But customer's were being rude
As they are wont to do,
And so she filled their Mochas up
With brew of civet poo! Ohhh,

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

Her harsh revenge was soon found out
Too soon, her fate did come,
An older victim read about
Joe from a civet bum
And soon the manager was told
And awful was his shame,
And so he told that maiden sweet
To catch a midnight train! Ohhh...

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:34 PM

Aaaaahhhhh, Civet Sh*t!

That's it, I can't decide what verses to award a Silver B.L.O.B. to -- so, every single hot diggitty dang verse of every slicker than snot on a hot rock song gets one!!!!! Well now, come to think of it, this makes my 'job' a lot easier! ;-)

Isn't it amazing what creativity can be inspired when the love of a fellow Mudcatter combines with the love of scatalogical (sp?) humour?? 'Course, isn't that why we keep 'Spaw around in the first place? ;-)

Keep it 'going', Challenge!rs!!!!!!

-- A much bemused (and besmeared) GG

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:53 PM

I'm sorry, I can't do this for laughing....

Maybe we should work the cat fart thread back into this....

LTS

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM

I was standing in line for coffee,
When my gag reflex was triggered
A stench so foul it left me coughing;
A smell worse than I'd ever figured.

"Isn't that unsanitary,
Drinking poo like that?"
"In all my years of living,
nothing good's ever come from a cat."

"Oh no", replied the Starbucks guy,
"These beans, we always inspect em'",
"And Juan Valdez scoops only the best
As soon as they leave the cat's rectum."

"And what's more,
The civet's a very clean species
There's nothing impure at all
About a fresh pile of it's feces"

"Thanks", I said, "I think I'll pass",
so instead I picked up a soda
I saw that the label read "Coke e-coli"
Put down it I did, (to quote Yoda.)

[e-mail]

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
---Jeff (PA)---

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:05 PM

Sorry to act like a newbie in here, but I'm a newbie. How do you get song lines to align properly? My 4-line stanzas all showed up on the same line when I posted, even though I hit "enter" after each line...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:18 PM

Welcome Don H to the one site that makes the Internet really worthwhile.

To stick in a line break you type in (BR) at the end of every line - except that instead of an ordinary bracket, ( and ), you stick in a chevron - < and >.

But to get useful info about that and lots more about Mudcatty ways and means, go to the FAQ thread which should be nestled up at the top of the list of threads on the Forum.

However if you don't stick in the line breaks, you'll quite likely find that some helpful guardian angel will sneak in and do it for you.(These are referred to as "Joe clonmes" - and that is another story. It's probably somewhere in the FAQ.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Robdale
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 08:57 PM

Don that was hilarious, I've got tears in my eyes from laughing.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:56 PM

"and attaching"?

You've got it that bad?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Civet Lover
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 12:46 AM

A Civet story

http://userpages.umbc.edu/~sjoshi1/mirror/civet.shtml

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 05:18 AM

Friends, I am indeed honored and I express to you my honest and sincere admiration for the quality of songs on this thread. Only a man obsessed with blowing up a possum's ass can be granted such an honor!

I have often tried this type of thing myself, a kind of "Asshole Alchemy" if you will but have had no success, although I have passed some pepper skins, corn, and tomato seeds. There doesn't seem to be a market however..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 09:52 AM

Advice to the Starbucks' trainee Version II
by El El Beano
A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial.

Big production number version. Imagine a stringed orchectra and a latin percusion section backing the guitar and singer. Flamenco dancers dressed in red and a mariachi band in pearl white sombreros.

As you make your way through life
Only one way to live it
Appreciate the finer things
Like coffee from a civet

The civet picks the finest beans
To process them uniquely
Talk about the gamey taste
But mention it obliquely

Some coffee makes you stay awake
Some coffee keeps you hopping
But only Kopi luwak can claim
That its good to the last dropping

Crouching Civet Coffee
is that brand that is the best
What I say is serious
Don't treat it like a jest

Don't laugh at what I tell you
although its rather droll
They even use the civets
for quality control

To insure the finest flavor
All you have to do
is see that it has been passed by
Inspector number two

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 09:58 AM

*NO FAIR!* RobDale gets BETTER every time!

he's gotta be cheatin'!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:50 AM

Okay, here's my "number two":


YOU'VE GOT A BLEND
(Tune: James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend")

When your face is stubbled
And you need some coffee there
'Cause nothin', no, nothin' else wakes you right
Hold your nose; the stink, you see,
Is from the derriere
Of toddy cats pooping with all their might

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:
You've got a blend

If a guy should shove you
When the Starbucks starts to crowd
Then your own "south wind" should begin to blow
Folks will head for cover
When you rip one out loud
It smells like what you drank just a while ago

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't be grossed out)
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:

Hey, it ain't good, as "joe", but you've got a blend
That people will treat like gold!
They'll buy it but never try it
And they'll take it all if you let them
Oh, sure, there's more you'll get them

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't they pass out)
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:
You've got a blend
You've got a blend
Ain't it brewed for "joe"? You've got a blend
Ain't it good? Well, no. You've got a blend
Oh, yech, yech
You've got a blend.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:08 AM

Here is a review of the wonderous libation. Worth reading! Even though he make the error of calling or precious civets marsupials.

http://www.thecoffeecritic.com/fusion3/html/kopi.shtml

When reading his conclusion

"The aroma was rich and strong, and the coffee was incredibly full bodied, almost syrupy. It was thick, with a hint of chocolate, and lingered on the tongue with a long, clean aftertaste."

I was struck by how similar this product seems to be to the raw material.

Fresh and steaming, the heady aroma wafting to the nose. Thick and brown like chocolate, lingering on the tongue, and the aftertaste... oooo... the aftertaste!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:10 AM

Brilliant Sharon!

Lets hear it for number two!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:34 AM

Thanks, Rob. You're right, that's (gag-ulp) quite a review (emphasis on the "ew"), though the illustration shows the beans at the wrong end of the civet!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:46 AM

To the tune of "The Mountains of Mourne"

Oh Mary this Starbucks's a wonderful site
They charge people a fortune to drink wild-cat's shite
They don't retail porter, nor stout, nor poteen
But some stuff that's been somewhere it shouldn't have been
And whenever I asked them, the news I was told
That this stuff ounce for ounce costs as much as pure gold
Stick to the Jameson's, Mary mo chroi
In the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea

You remember oul' Granny O'Leary's wee trouble
How the wee-wee from out of her bloomers would bubble
When up now and then she would rise her oul' self
To get the odd fill of a pipe from the shelf
We complained of the stains, we complained of the pong
Our complaints were in vain, she just carried on
Well I'll wet myself too, when I'm 93
In the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea

And then an idea it occurred unto me
At the start of the twenty-first centu-oo-ry (poetic licence)
People will part with good silver and gold
For any oul' bollocks that's properly sold
So why don't we bottle our poor granny's waste
Praise its fine colour, praise its fine taste
We'll start up a website and sell granny's wee
From the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea.