Subject: Lyr Add: LIFT GIRL'S LAMENT (Jeremy Taylor)
From:
GUEST,Lanfranc at the orifice
Date: 10 Sep 01 - 09:33 AM
OK. Joan, here you are - hope I've got the HTML right!
Lift Girl's Lament
Jeremy Taylor
(To be spoken and sung in an Afrikaans accent.)
(Spoken) Going up……………….
First floor
Knitwear, nappery, beachwear, sportswear, corsetry, millinery, ladies underwear,
Thank you!
Going up………………..
(Sung) We are the lift-girls in a big department store
We kindly take the patrons, going up from floor to floor
Don't wonder if we're weary of standing up all day
'Cos when the doors fly open, it's our job to say
(Spoken) Second floor
Glassware, ironware, hardware, brushware, crockery, cutlery, El Fandango tearooms
Orange juice, lemonade, milk shakes, arsenic, rat poison
Thank you!
Going up………………..
(Sung) We are the lift-girls, we're careful how we dress
I like my job, but I'd very much rather have been an air hostess
But as I was always airsick and I couldn't pass the test
I stand here pushing buttons and the lift does all the rest
(Spoken) Third floor
Cosmetics, perfumes and colognes, ribbons, handbags, shopping baskets, belts, buttons, Teens and twenty dresses,
Thank you!
"Excuse me, can I find glasses on this floor?" (spoken in different voice)
(Spoken) Glassware, ironware, hardware, brushware, crockery, cutlery, El Fandango tearooms Second Floor (sniff)
"Oh, um, are you perhaps going down?" (spoken in different voice)
Going up………………..
(Sung) Ag, sister Marlene, what a hell of a job this is
The boss won't even give us time to go and have a zizz
And while we're on the job we can't even have a smoke
Ag, I'm so bleddy tired, men, I'd give anything for a Coke!
(Spoken) Fourth floor
Kiddies wear, juvenile and sub-teens, tween-teens, middle age, old age, senility, dotage and decomposition………….. funeral shrouds
Going up………………..
(Sung) Don't lean on the buttons please, don't lean on the doors
The car's full up now, so you'll have to walk to the other floors
Eh, take your hands off me, who do you think you are?
I may do a thousand feet a day, but I'm not going to go that far!
(Spoken) Fifth floor
Radio department, electrical appliances, hairdressing salon, friendly sewing school.
Thank you
Going up……………….
Sixth floor, offices and accounts,
Offices and accounts,
Going up……………….
Going down……………….
(Sung) Now, if only I had a minute or two to sit down on my seat
I'd sue this bleddy company for giving me flat feet
I've got fallen arches and lumbago in my back
And I suppose it won't be long now before I get the sack
Now if the lift gets stuck for an hour or two, you really can't blame me
If I don't appear to sympathise with your anxiety
Cos I've seen enough of these four walls to last for many a day
And when the clock says half past five, I'm overjoyed to say
(Spoken) Going Home!
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sj
