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Song Challenge! - Part 66 'We're Back!'

Áine 29 Oct 01 - 02:27 PM
MMario 29 Oct 01 - 02:59 PM
Áine 29 Oct 01 - 03:04 PM
Clifton53 29 Oct 01 - 03:16 PM
MMario 29 Oct 01 - 03:26 PM
Jack the Sailor 29 Oct 01 - 03:31 PM
Jack the Sailor 29 Oct 01 - 03:43 PM
Clifton53 29 Oct 01 - 04:05 PM
SharonA 29 Oct 01 - 04:49 PM
JenEllen 29 Oct 01 - 05:46 PM
MMario 29 Oct 01 - 07:13 PM
Áine 29 Oct 01 - 07:18 PM
Amos 29 Oct 01 - 08:56 PM
Tinker 29 Oct 01 - 09:33 PM
Áine 29 Oct 01 - 09:39 PM
Amos 29 Oct 01 - 11:33 PM
Aidan Crossey 30 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM
Amos 30 Oct 01 - 08:47 AM
GUEST,MMario 30 Oct 01 - 09:04 AM
Áine 30 Oct 01 - 09:11 AM
Tinker 30 Oct 01 - 09:48 AM
Amos 30 Oct 01 - 10:16 AM
Clifton53 31 Oct 01 - 02:01 PM
Amos 31 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM
McGrath of Harlow 31 Oct 01 - 03:10 PM
Jack the Sailor 31 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM
Amos 31 Oct 01 - 03:43 PM
Trapper 31 Oct 01 - 04:05 PM
Jack the Sailor 31 Oct 01 - 04:35 PM
MMario 31 Oct 01 - 04:43 PM
Jack the Sailor 31 Oct 01 - 04:52 PM
McGrath of Harlow 31 Oct 01 - 10:29 PM
Amos 31 Oct 01 - 10:52 PM
alison 31 Oct 01 - 11:43 PM
Tinker 01 Nov 01 - 08:41 AM
Áine 01 Nov 01 - 09:51 AM
MMario 01 Nov 01 - 12:17 PM
McGrath of Harlow 01 Nov 01 - 12:20 PM
Tinker 01 Nov 01 - 01:38 PM
MMario 01 Nov 01 - 04:00 PM
Bradypus 01 Nov 01 - 06:12 PM
mousethief 01 Nov 01 - 06:23 PM
MMario 01 Nov 01 - 06:34 PM
Tinker 01 Nov 01 - 07:31 PM
Amos 01 Nov 01 - 08:03 PM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 09:12 AM
Clifton53 02 Nov 01 - 10:40 AM
Jambell 02 Nov 01 - 11:47 AM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 11:55 AM
GUEST,derrymacash (what's up with my cookie?) 02 Nov 01 - 11:58 AM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 12:12 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 01 - 01:12 PM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 02:00 PM
Genie 02 Nov 01 - 02:01 PM
Amos 02 Nov 01 - 02:02 PM
Genie 02 Nov 01 - 02:17 PM
Genie 02 Nov 01 - 02:25 PM
Genie 02 Nov 01 - 02:30 PM
Amos 02 Nov 01 - 04:18 PM
Genie 02 Nov 01 - 04:40 PM
Aidan Crossey 02 Nov 01 - 04:44 PM
Jack the Sailor 02 Nov 01 - 05:04 PM
Áine 02 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM
Amos 02 Nov 01 - 10:47 PM
Genie 03 Nov 01 - 03:06 AM
GUEST,Sonja 03 Nov 01 - 04:54 AM
Amos 03 Nov 01 - 11:46 AM
Lonesome EJ 03 Nov 01 - 12:49 PM
MMario 04 Nov 01 - 12:12 AM
Amos 04 Nov 01 - 12:44 AM
Genie 04 Nov 01 - 03:32 AM
Genie 04 Nov 01 - 03:46 AM
Amos 04 Nov 01 - 11:54 AM
Áine 04 Nov 01 - 09:03 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 02:27 PM

That's right, dearest Song Challenge!rs, we're back with your favorite frontal lobe tickling Mudcat activity!! I've missed you all and I'm looking forward to seeing a flurry of funny verbosity from you as those long fallow fields of fancy are once again filled with the fruits of your fantasy . . . ;-) So all right then, no further delays allowed -- Go For It, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine

The Day That Saji's Sari Slipped and Baji's Bobbin Got Buffed -- India's health minister has banned the use of condoms to lubricate bobbins used in weaving saris.

CP Thakur has told parliament sari makers are using condoms to speed up weaving because condom lubricant was also good at stopping yarn from snapping. Mr. Thakur claims the use of so many condoms in the sari industry is affecting India's population control programme. "Instructions have been issued to stop this practice," Mr Thakur said.

Mr Thakur says the use of condoms in weaving is causing shortages and instances of unscrupulous government health workers meant to distribute free condoms to contain population instead selling the condoms to sari makers.

Workers rub the condoms on bobbins while they make their brocade saris. The industry is using an estimated half a million condoms every day. Each of the 125,000 looms in the city of Varanasi uses an average four condoms per day. It takes nearly 15 condoms to produce one Benarasi sari. The lubricant on the condom smoothens the bobbin and makes it move faster between threads.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 02:59 PM

SEXY SILKEN SARI
(Tune: 'I enjoy being a girl' - approximately)

They are simply sexy silken sari's
Produced without any form of guilt
By the weavers of Old Var-an-a-si
And the brand name is "Trojan Built"

In India the new black market
Is in standard issue latex sheaths
For a million a day get a-buse-ed
Weaving silk; not getting use-ed!

The shuttles filled with thread are swiftly coated
So they slip and slide and slither 'cross the warp
And the population now is still exploding
'cause the condoms all are used up weaving cloth!

Don't ever buy a new silk sari
If your family you would increase
For the truth is they make their brocade
With the help of some condom grease!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 03:04 PM

Hugs and snogs to you, dear MMario, for being the first to step up to the newly dusted plate ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

In India the new black market
Is in standard issue latex sheaths
For a million a day get a-buse-ed
Weaving silk; not getting use-ed!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Clifton53
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 03:16 PM

The Weavers?

We are all met together here to sit and to clack
We have yarn upon the loom and condoms on the rack
Just rub one on your bobbin and your bloody yarn won't snap
That's what it takes for the weavers

If it was not for the condoms, what would we do?
We could'nt weave a sari, there'd be very few
We'd hear the cries from Bombay
And from 'ol Calcutta too
If it weren't for the work of the weavers.

Now weavin' is a trade that keeps the people clad
And a shortage of saris would indeed be very bad
And the loons up in the Punjab
Well they'd be very sad
And they'd be kinda' pissed at the weavers

If it was not for the condoms, what would we do?
Without the lubricant you can't run a freakin loom
The folks all down in Dakar
Would surely feel the gloom
If it weren't for the work of the weavers

The ruling body came and said this practice must desist
We are but humble weavers, how can we resist?
But I'll go to my grave with a condom in my fist
And I'll be glorified by the weavers

If it was not for the condoms, a half a mil a day,
Weavin fancy saris would offer little pay
The sacred cows of government should surely go away
And leave the weavin' up to the weavers.

Welcome back Aine, we missed you. Best I could do on short notice.

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 03:26 PM

looks pretty good, clifton!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 03:31 PM

Welcome back Aine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine this as a musical number on the Simpsons. With Apu singing to his child. Its been so long I forgot the freaking line breaks!!!!

A start in life

Daddy where did I come from?
The little boy inquired
Am I the Apple of your eye
Was I just what you desired.

No son you shouldn't ask that question
The answer you are going to hate
Your mom and me didn't have a condom
And we just couldn't wait

You are a happy sari accident
You were born from our love
You are a happy sari accident
Because, I didn't wear a glove

I went to the local health care worker
Noticed he had a fine new car
I think he was a duty shirker
when I asked where the condoms are

He said, he didn't get a shipment
He said that no condoms came
I could not cover my equipment
The sari factory is to blame

You are a happy sari accident
You were born from our love
You are a happy sari accident
Because, I didn't wear a glove
Because, I didn't wear a glove
Ohhhhhh Yeaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

duplicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 03:43 PM

Sari Weaver (Nancy Whiskey)

I am a weaver a sari weaver
I am a modern Indian
I'm going to make the finest saris
But cut expenses where e'er I can

Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!
Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!

As I tried to weave a sari
Something caused my yarn to snap
I rubbed a condom on my bobbin
To lubricate me from that crap

Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!
Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!

I get my condoms from a health care worker
I get my condoms really cheap
But when we all run out of condoms
Moms and Dads begin to weep

Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!
Weaver, Weaver sari weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!

I weave the best as a condom greaser
I surely make those shuttles fly
Use four gloves to make a sari
And Moms and Das begin to cry

Weaver, Weaver Sari Weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!
Pay our bills you sorry Weaver,
Weaver Weaver, Sari Oh!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Clifton53
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 04:05 PM

Thanks mmario, I liked the " trojan built" line.

My goodness Jack, 'yer pumping them out! Nice job.

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: SharonA
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 04:49 PM

Hello, Áine! We surely have missed you; glad to see you're back – woo-hoooo!!! Now, let me get my sari butt to work here...


I'M SORRY; NO SARI
(Tune: "I'm Sorry" as sung by Brenda Lee)
Preferably, to be sung by The Weavers

I'm sorry; no sari
For I was such a fool.
I didn't blow
The condom off the spool.
Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh, oh damn!

They tell me this makes
The parts of weavers hum
But that ain't right;
The bobbin won't come.

[Chorus] I'm sorry;
[spoken] I'm sorry;
[Chorus] No sari.
[spoken] No sari.
Please accept my apology,
But bobbins wind
And mine wouldn't wind for me.
Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh, oh shoot!

They tell me this makes
The parts of weavers hum
But that ain't right;
The bobbin won't come.

I'm sorry; no sari
Please accept my apology,
But bobbins wind
And mine wouldn't wind for me.
Sariiiiiiiiiii...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: JenEllen
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 05:46 PM

LMAO folks...all in fine form, goodonya. And welcome back!

Sari Seems to be the Hardest Word (Hank William's "I'll Be a Bachelor 'Til I Die)

I'll take you to our factory
An' show you how it's done
Keepin' them bobbins bobbin'
Make our saris number one
"I know your rubber troubles"
Them condom makers cry
But there's no spermicidal saris here
We're a' weavin' with K-Y

There's a better use for condoms
At least one that's more fun
Jus' pick you a position
Where one and one makes one
Long lunch hour with Kama Sutra
An' we'll never bat an eye
No spermicidal saris here
We're a' weavin' with K-Y

We don't need fancy coloured ones
Or ribbed ones in our hands
Or them knobby 'ticklers
Pop'lar in some foreign lands
Just give that tube a squeeze gals
And let me tell you why
No spermicidal saris here
We're a' weavin' with K-Y


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 07:13 PM

if this thread doesn't kick in the content filter I'll be extremely lucky - but good stuff here!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 07:18 PM

Hee hee hee -- I just knew y'all would like this one! Great job, each and every one of my darlin' Challenge!rs!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B.s for work well and truly done:

To Clifton53 for a wonderful image:

The ruling body came and said this practice must desist
We are but humble weavers, how can we resist?
But I'll go to my grave with a condom in my fist
And I'll be glorified by the weavers

To Jack the Sailor for 'uncovering' these lines:

He said, he didn't get a shipment
He said that no condoms came
I could not cover my equipment
The sari factory is to blame

AND for:

I weave the best as a condom greaser
I surely make those shuttles fly
Use four gloves to make a sari
And Moms and Dad begin to cry

To my darlin' SharonA for hearing the 'whine' of the engines and comin' up with:

I'm sorry; no sari
For I was such a fool.
I didn't blow
The condom off the spool.
Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh, oh damn!

And to that wonder of wonderfuls, JenEllen, for slidin' down the slippery sari slopes with:

There's a better use for condoms
At least one that's more fun
Jus' pick you a position
Where one and one makes one
Long lunch hour with Kama Sutra
An' we'll never bat an eye
No spermicidal saris here
We're a' weavin' with K-Y

Brilliant, just brilliant!! It's so nice to see y'all back in the (sari) saddle again!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:56 PM

Hoooooly Mooooly!!! This one came out of the blue and blasted through like a comet!! Whatta a comeback, Aine!!!!

Laughing my whiskers off here, you guys. Love 'em all!!

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Tinker
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:33 PM

I can't believe no one has used this one…. I apologize in advance, but I can't resist

Oh, I am a bachelor; I live all alone
And I work at the weavers trade.
And the only only thing, that I did that was wrong
was to woo a fair young maid.
I wood her in the summertime, and in the winter too
And the only only thing that I did that
Was wrong was to lubricate my loom.

One night she knelt close by my side,
When I was fast asleep.
She threw her arms around my neck
And then she began to weep.
She wept, she cried, she tore her hair--
Ah me, what could I do?
So all night long I held her in my arms
While the condoms lubricated the loom

Again I am a bachelor; I live with my son,
We work at the weavers trade;
And every single time I look into his eyes
I remember that blue brocade
Upon my loom it wove so true
Shuttles flew both in and out
Twas a sari fair without compare
And I don't know what the fuss is all about

Tinker


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:39 PM

Ah, Tinker my darlin', what a wonderful tale (tail??) you weave with your words there -- here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Again I am a bachelor; I live with my son,
We work at the weavers trade;
And every single time I look into his eyes
I remember that blue brocade
Upon my loom it wove so true
Shuttles flew both in and out
Twas a sari fair without compare
And I don't know what the fuss is all about

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:33 PM

A small token of esteem:

Rami on the Loom

Tune: Brenna on the Moor
(Click to Play)



It's about a poor young weaver, my story I will tell!
His name was Rami Santi, and in India he did dwell
He wove the golden fabric, that on maidens fair would go
And he wove his weave exceeding fine, but wove exceeding slow,

And its Rami on the loom
Rami on the loom!
Slow but never stupid was young Rami on the loom.

Now Rami's wife was angry for his rupees were too few
"The children, they are hungry!! You must do what you must do!!"
So Rami weaved and pondered through the long and hungry night,
Slowly making up that golden yarn into saris soft and bright!

And its Rami on the loom
Rami on the loom!
Slow but never stupid was young Rami on the loom.

And as  morning broke, the tired weaver found himself a plan!
And he went into the city, to the Family Planning van,
He said I'll take a gross, and when the agent asked him why
He said "I have a hungry wife," and winked exceeding sly!

And its Rami on the loom
Rami on the loom!
Slow but never stupid was young Rami on the loom.

Now young Rami has the answer, to his loom he does repair
He loosened up his bobbins, and he laid the yarn down fair.
He set the pedals dancing and he straightened out his yoke,
Then he grabbed himself a condom, from underneath his cloak!

And its Rami on the loom
Rami on the loom!
Slow but never stupid was young Rami on the loom.

With the rubber on his fingers, and the lube-oil on the twill
He makes the loom to weave as fast as lightning on the hills,
The sari's glory fast appears, with ne'e'r a sign of toil
And Rami's yarn stays fast and true, kept cool with Condom Oil!

And its Rami on the loom
Rami on the loom!
Slow but never stupid was young Rami on the loom.
 
 
 

Regards,

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM

Áine, a chara chairde ... it's good to see you throw down the gauntlet one more time. The following ditty-een is my humble effort. It goes to the tune of "The Rising of the Moon". Here's hoping it finds favour.

The Slime from the Sin-Balloon

"Oh then tell me, Father Farrell, tell me why you hurry so?
With righteous anger in your eyes and your cheeks are all a-glow?"
"Oh, then Barney dear, just whisht and hear, bad news I have to tell.
My vestments for the altar are the Handiwork of Hell."

The Handiwork of Hell – o
The Handiwork of Hell
My vestments for the altar are the Handiwork of Hell

"Oh tell me Father Farrell, whatever can you mean?
Sure those priestly robes were appliquéd by Granny May Mulqueen
At each working of the needle, sure she bowed her head in prayer
That your gown would be a blessing and a source of joy to wear"

A source of joy to wear - o
A source of joy to wear
That your gown would be a blessing and a source of joy to wear

"I do not doubt oul' May Mulqueen, her heart is good and true
Her knees are sore with kneeling and her arse has grooved the pew
But I fear that she has been deceived, up the left she has been led
For the humours of the devil they are coating every thread"

Are coating every thread – o
Are coating every thread
The humours of the devil, they are coating every thread

"Our papal boss in Italy has spoken and decreed
Against artificial barriers between the egg and seed
And when I learnt its providence – I very nearly swooned
My priestly silk is coated in the slime of the sin-balloon"

The slime of the sin balloon – o
The slime of the sin balloon
My priestly silk is coated in the slime of the sin-balloon

I listened to his story and could scarce believe my ears
How this fiendish lubrication got from India to here
And how poor oul' Granny May Mulqueen, intent on pious deeds
Became a hapless scatterer of Satan's sordid seed

Satan's sordid seed – o
Satan's sordid seed
Became a hapless scatterer of Satan's sordid seed

We quickly built a bonfire down at Derryveagh crossroads
And, dripping with red diesel, in that fire we tossed those robes
And from the flames of righteousness, ten thousand demons fled
As the holy fire of exorcism purified the thread

Purified the thead – o
Purified the thread
As the holy fire of exorcism purified the thread


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 08:47 AM

Derry,

That is a world class hoot!!

Nicely done.

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 09:04 AM

wow! Amos and Derrymacash - the two of you ROCK!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 09:11 AM

And the brilliance goes on . . .

To my darlin' Amos, who has seen me in my flannel jammies and still respects me ;-), a Silver B.L.O.B. for:

And as morning broke, the tired weaver found himself a plan!
And he went into the city, to the Family Planning van,
He said I'll take a gross, and when the agent asked him why
He said "I have a hungry wife," and winked exceeding sly!

And to mo chara chóir, derrymacash, who makes it exceedingly difficult to pick just one verse for his Silver B.L.O.B.:

"I do not doubt oul' May Mulqueen, her heart is good and true
Her knees are sore with kneeling and her arse has grooved the pew
But I fear that she has been deceived, up the left she has been led
For the humours of the devil they are coating every thread"

Fantastic, my darlin's!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Tinker
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 09:48 AM

Derry, ya made me sing along and smile this morning...Tinker


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 10:16 AM

OH BOY!!! A SILVER Blob!!! I am thrilled!!!

I'm gonna put it on my window sill at work, to remember that there are better things in the world than Software Engineering!! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Clifton53
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 02:01 PM

Very good job Amos and Derrymacash!! I am rendered incontinent!

Clifton


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 02:40 PM

Clifton:

Just imagining such a response in so highly esteemed a colleague as yourself makes it all worthwhile!!

Regards,

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:10 PM

Welcome back, Muse of the Mudcat.(No Muse is Bad News).

O, dear me, the mill is out of luck
And the poor bobbins they kept on gettin' stuck
Shifting shuttles left and right
The looms were breakin' down, they were far too tight.

O, dear me, I had a fine idea
A johnnie on the bobbin and the thing ran clear
Shiftin', spinning, fast as it can,
Going up and doon like a brave wee man

O, dear me, there's such trouble at the mill,
They've taken all the johnnies, they've put us on the pill,
And I am illcontented, happy days are at an end -
I surely miss my bobbin, such a brave wee friend.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM

Here is a song concept I had which didn't go anywhere, Lack of real world experience I guess ;)

If she really loved me I wouldn't have to lubricate my bobbin.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:43 PM

Incidental Doggerel

Some love bobbin for apples, some love bobbin for seed!
Some love bobbin' for gumwrappers out in the street
Some bob for a living, some bob just for fun
And in far Californy they bob out in the sun!
But that kind of bobbin is never quite real--
They wrap 'em in latex so you can't really feel
So I'll keep to the bobbin whose heart remains true
And I'll go no more bobbin, with noone but you!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Trapper
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:05 PM

The SONG CHALLENGE! is back! Woo hoo! THANK YOU, THANK YOU AINE!

Brilliant competition again, as usual!

Here's my humble entry....

- Al

SARI WITH THE FRENCH TICKLER TOP
Tune: "Surrey with the Fringe on the Top"
New Words: Al Boyce 10/31/2001


INTRO:
Working at the Sari loom with me
Lubricate the bobbins constantly
To keep threads intact use lubricated condoms
If they break, a funny sight you'll see....


Holy men and cows better scurry
Bombay fashion merchants should worry
When you take a walk in a sari
With a French-Tickler top

Trojan-Enz, just see how they flutter
Ramses sheaths that glide slick as butter
Shieks that stretch so large that you shudder
That they're sure to pop

We stroke the condom on the bobbin thread
They keep Sari yarn from snapping
If they're pulled off from our fingers and wind up in the loom
From your sari they'll soon be a-flapping!

With sari thread that's been thusly treated
If you eat too much, you won't feel cheated
It'll swell four sizes and not be defeated if you just can't stop
With that slimy little sari with the french tickler top


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:35 PM

Trapper certianly gets my vote for best title.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:43 PM

*guffaw*


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:52 PM

Sari Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Elton John Bernie Taupin What have I got to do to weave a sari
What have I got to do to weave you one
What do I do when bobbins snap thread
And I have to weave from the start again

What do I do to weave it quickly
What have I got to do to make my quota
What do I do to make my wages
When my excuses don't matter one iota

It's dry, so dry
It needs some lubrication
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's dry, dry
Why can't we use a condom
Oh it seems to me
That sari needs some greasing from the bird

What do I do to grease your bobbin
What have I got to lubricate the bird
What do I do with birth control when robbing
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
That sari needs some greasing from the bird


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:29 PM

The Ballad of Bobbin Good and the Wily Weaving Woman.

Bold Bobbin strove with all his art
to weave the cloth of green
but the threads they held and would not part
for him to slide between.

And Bobbin cried for a helping hand
to ease him on his way
to smooth his path so he could stand
and make the shuttles play.

And by there came a lady gay,
with a robe so smooth and clear.
"Put on this robe without delay
and your path it will be clear."

And Bobbin cried "That cannot be,
and it will not do at all
and I am grown too large, you see,
and the robe is far too small.

"Oh hold your tongue, you foolish blade
it was made from a wounded tree
and so cunningly this robe is made
it will grow as great as thee."

And she slipped the hood on Bobbin's head
and she stretched it to his feet
and it held him fast as he was dead,
to weave the winding sheet.

And Bobbin Good he met his fate,
and Bobbin's fate was sore
But the hour is late, and very late,
and I can tell no more.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:52 PM

Bold BOBBIN!!!***LOL***

McGrath, an inspired stroke, and so beautifully executed. I never in my life thought I would see a semi-mystical Elizabethan ballad with Condom after-images in it!!! The master has entered the building!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: alison
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 11:43 PM

brilliant songs everyone........ "Sari Seems To Be The Hardest Word" has to win for title alone....lol

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:41 AM

McGrath I really need that tune !!Is it on a DT midi???

Tinker


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:51 AM

Well, after a frantic Halloween evening sewing Caitlin into her tiger costume and rubbing 'wolfman grey' makeup into Kellan's ears ("Mom, I have to look authentic!"), it's lovely to return to the land of the slippery sari and johnnies on the bobbin! ;-) I can see that all those wonderful Challenge!r brain cells are churning once again . . . Here are the well deserved Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To McGrath of Harlow for two master submissions (as usual):

O, dear me, there's such trouble at the mill,
They've taken all the johnnies, they've put us on the pill,
And I am illcontented, happy days are at an end -
I surely miss my bobbin, such a brave wee friend.

AND for:

"Oh hold your tongue, you foolish blade
it was made from a wounded tree
and so cunningly this robe is made
it will grow as great as thee."

To Amos for his 'incidental doggerel':

Some love bobbin for apples, some love bobbin for seed!
Some love bobbin' for gumwrappers out in the street
Some bob for a living, some bob just for fun
And in far Californy they bob out in the sun!
But that kind of bobbin is never quite real--
They wrap 'em in latex so you can't really feel
So I'll keep to the bobbin whose heart remains true
And I'll go no more bobbin, with noone but you!

To Trapper, for the very fashion conscious:

Trojan-Enz, just see how they flutter
Ramses sheaths that glide slick as butter
Shieks that stretch so large that you shudder
That they're sure to pop

To Jack the Sailor for this 'fantasic' image(!):

What do I do to grease your bobbin
What have I got to lubricate the bird
What do I do with birth control when robbing
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
That sari needs some greasing from the bird

My, my, my -- you all just get better and better!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:17 PM

*applause* to McGrath! I agree tinker - we need to find a tune for it - I could get away with it at ren-faire *snicker*


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:20 PM

Tinker, I take it you mean the Jute Mill Song for the first one I did.

If you mean Bold Bobbin - any general purpose pastiche mediaeval tune would do. Play around with "God Rest You, Merry Gentleman" maybe, till it sounds right.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 01:38 PM

Well, I actually did mean Bold Bobbin....Greensleeves also works with a little tweeking.... and perhaps Child 141 in the DT as Robinhood Rescuing Will Stutly.

Mmario, let me know what you decide, I'd like to end up with the same song..

Tinker


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:00 PM

Tinker - I would say Child 141 as in the DT. (thanks for the suggestion!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Bradypus
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:12 PM

Welcome back - and what an excellent crop of songs!

A shameless attempt at a 2-fer-1: can you guess the punchline before verse 6??

Bradypus

Sari Times, They Are A-Changing

Come all you bold weavers and listen to me
The times they are hard, as I'm sure you'll agree
When we now make one sari, we used to make three
For the times, they are a changing

We knew how to weave well, and how to weave fast
Our saris superior, and never outclassed
But now that's all gone, as a new law's been passed
And the times, they are a-changing

The trick that we knew made the bobbin fly well
The threads never broke, as though under a spell
The saris were lovely and easy to sell
But the times, they are a-changing

A rubber, French Letter, prophylactic is what
Made bobbins bob fast back and forth like a shot
But no more in India such things can be got
For the times, they are a changing

We're moving to Italy with shuttle and loom
Somewhere on the coast we will hire us a room
And the bobbins will fly, we'll forget all this gloom
For the times, they are a-changing

Sperlonga's the place where our factory will be
And four times a day we'll send out for coffee
What comes with the coffee makes bobbins run free
And the times, they are a-changing

High fashion high quality saris for sale
An Indian-Italian style surely won't fail
We think we've achieved fashion's holiest grail
And the times, they are a-changing.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:23 PM

Sorry I'm late, gang!

Rub Rub Rubber
Tune: Red, Red Robin

When we rub, rub, rubbers
On the bob, bob, bobbin at work
There's no more threads breakin'
When the rubber's makin' it work

Watch out, watch out you sleepy-head
Don't get it up, get it up, get it up in bed
Because there's no protection to be had
It's all being used in the factoreeeeeeee

What am I to do?
Now I'm walking through mountains of cash
Population's soaring but still I'm ignorin'
The cries for a prophylactic stash

My wife had a kid again,
We're doing what we did again,
I feel like a randy young Turk
Cos we rub rub rubbers
On the bob-bob-bobbins at woooooooork!

(C)2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Al Jolson, eat your heart out.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:34 PM

Dammit Alex, I *cannot* keep replacing keyboards!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:31 PM

Okay okay, I can't keep making up stories for the kids about what's so funny....But I keep laughing out loud at the computer....Great work all...

Tinker


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:03 PM

Mousethief you are a mountainous card and a royal crackup!! Bradypus, you haven't dropped a stitch in all this time!! Wonderful stuff!!

Thanks guys -- I am grinning all over the floor...

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 09:12 AM

Dear Bradypus, a wonderful 'Two-fer-One' submission! So slick and subtle ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Sperlonga's the place where our factory will be
And four times a day we'll send out for coffee
What comes with the coffee makes bobbins run free
And the times, they are a-changing

And for those of you that couldn't figure out the 'mystery' of Bradypus' song, check out Song Challenge! - Part 39 and all will be revealed . . .

And dear mousethief, what a cheery little number from yourself!! I can just picture you walking down the street singing this and snapping your fingers ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

My wife had a kid again,
We're doing what we did again,
I feel like a randy young Turk
Cos we rub rub rubbers
On the bob-bob-bobbins at woooooooork!

Great job, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Clifton53
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:40 AM

Ring of Pyre

Well looms, are a troublesome thing
Gotta run them right, to make them zing
Sheath your sword, still your desire
Stay away from the Ring of Pyre

Don't be fooled by the burnin' Ring of Pyre
Keep your bobbins greased,they won't make you retire
And it turns turns turns, the Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre

Well 'ol Maheesh, he had a plan
He could be, a loomin' man
Condom grease, would light his fire
He could handle the Ring of Pyre

He had plans for the burnin' Ring of Pyre
" They can't get rid of me, another they can't hire"
And still he earns earns earns,from the Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre

He ran that loom, real fast and loose
To cover all, them big caboose
The saris flew, right off his lot
'Ol Maheesh was really hot

He was boss of the burnin' Ring of Pyre
He had six wives, many Hindi he did sire
For he could learn learn learn,'bout the Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre
He packed it in, at forty-five
The finest weaver, still alive
When he was asked, what made this so
He said " just grease yourself and go"

Don't be cowed like a burnin' Ring of Pyre
Stand up straight through the muck and mire
And you'll spurn spurn spurn, the Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jambell
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:47 AM


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:55 AM

Ooohhh Clifton, if that's not a Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration winner, I don't know what is!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

He was boss of the burnin' Ring of Pyre
He had six wives, many Hindi he did sire
For he could learn learn learn,'bout the Ring of Pyre
The Ring of Pyre
He packed it in, at forty-five
The finest weaver, still alive
When he was asked, what made this so
He said " just grease yourself and go"

Way to go, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: GUEST,derrymacash (what's up with my cookie?)
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 11:58 AM

To the tune "Larry O'Gaff" as used for the song "Humours of Whisky".

Pinch me! I'm dreamin', or maybe I'm steamin'
Perhaps the world's schemin' to drive me astray
I'm taken aback, I'm losing all track
I just cannot hack this oul' world of today
My bliss was complete, I'd the world at me feet
All was tidy and neat in my view of the world
But now I'm afeard, I am rending my beard
As a vision so weird before me unfurls

They say that near Delhi, they use KY jelly
(Not flavoured, not smelly) to weave and to spin (66)
And in some far-off places, they cover their faces
Until the groom places the gold wedding-ring (4)
You can buy pigs or sheep, be they pricey or cheap
Without standing knee-deep in mire and cow-shit (6)
And if you're prepared for your arse to be bared
Then you'll get, so I've heard, a brand new outfit (13)

You may break Lent, with the bishops' consent
And make an event of Saint Patrick's oul' feast (15)
And religious observers, Oh Heaven preserve us!
Believe that fileservers, play host to The Beast (18)
And, inclining to roam, it would seem garden gnomes
Are wanderin' from home to exotic resorts (25)
And I near had a fit, at some eejits who spit
Little gobfuls of shit in a contest of sorts (30)

A poor craythur who, wound up stuck in a loo
Was left black-and-blue from his hour-long ordeal (31)
And a mermaid who lured men-folk to her fjord
Was – alas! - no song-bird, I am sad to reveal (32)
Unkindly relations, after cremation
Oh – humiliation! – treat ashes like trash (33)
And blind fans of strippers, hoped they might get their grippers
On bumbles and nipples, but had their hopes dashed (41)

A pig on a plane caused some to complain
But their pleas were in vain, it just farted and stank (44)
And what a surprise, before nautical eyes
A cow fell from the skies, hit a boat and it sank (49)
The world's gone buck-mad, and by Christ I am glad
That there's nothing so bad where I choose to reside
I'm barrin' the door, the world I'll ignore
Never no more will I venture outside


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 12:12 PM

Maith thú, a chara!! One Imperial Order of All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts coming up! ;-) AND a Silver B.L.O.B. is awarded to the entire song -- I just can't stop laughing long enough to pick out a specific verse . . .

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 01:12 PM

Hard to Make a Sari
Tune: Hard to Say I'm Sorry (Chicago)

Everybody needs a little lubricate-
Lubricayyyy-tion on their bobbin
It makes the bobbin move so smooth-i-lay
While the loom is a-throbbin'

(Chorus) Sheathe me now,
It's hard for me to make a sari
Without latex novelties
Given all the bobbin goes through
It needs a little extra lube
Not from a tube!
After all has been said and done
It's just a little fun to rub them down!

Now there comes a little message sent
The government--'s getting cranky
Seems men are beget-tin' lotsa kids
Without lids on their shankies

(repeat chorus) Trojan Durex HotRod BigBoy Golden Coin
Life Styles, WildCat -- we'll buy them all
Rub 'em on our bobbins and let 'em go
Don'tcha know -- we have a ball!

(repeat Chorus and fade)

(C)2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:00 PM

That's a great one, Alex! 'shankies'??? I love it! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Now there comes a little message sent
The government--'s getting cranky
Seems men are beget-tin' lotsa kids
Without lids on their shankies

Fantastic! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:01 PM

Tune: When The Red Red Robin Goes Bob-bob-bobbin' Along

While the sari-sewin' bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along
While the sari-sewin' bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along, along,
Using up the condoms, now India's towns balloon like Hong Kong!
Grease up, grease up those bobbin heads,
Sewing those silken threads,
Sahib, stay out of bed,
Else you'll be makin' babies!
Saris made of blue, red and gold are adorned with flowers,
Needles glisten, but Sikhs are throwing more baby showers!
Makin' kids galore, just like we did before,
Sewing sarongs,*
While the sari-sewing bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along.

Genie

*I hope my Poetic License allows me to use that technically inaccurate phrase!

line breaks and underlining fixed by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:02 PM

Somebody still has to step up to the challenge of using these oldies:

"Whose Sari Now?" (illegal lubricant discovered, pricey garment sent to Goodwill) "I'm Sari --Sew Sari"
"Sari to Disappoint You"
"Hard to Say I'm Sari"
"Better Safe than Sari" The Planned Parenthood theme song
"You'll Be Sari" -- (Dialogue in a used condom)
"Never Gonna Say I'm Sari"
"Sari Her Lot Who Loves Too Well..."

"You'll Be Sari to See me Go"

And probably a score more...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:17 PM

The Sari-sewin' Bobbin
Tune: The Red Red Robin [Goes Bob-bob-bobbin' Along])

While the sari-sewin' bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along, along,
Using up the condoms, now India's towns balloon like Hong Kong!

Grease up, grease up those bobbin heads,
Sewing those silken threads,
Sahib, stay out of bed,
Else you'll be makin' babies!

Saris made of blue, red and gold are adorned with flowers,
Needles glisten, but Sikhs are throwing more baby showers!
Makin' kids galore, just like we did before,
Swelling our throngs,
While the sari-sewing bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along.

Genie


Having not read others' posts until I did my "composition," I now see that Mousethief had already chosen the same song as I did to parody. I actually like Alex's better than mine, but I'm reposting mine, because (for reasons I completely fail to comprehend) I really screwed up the HTML formatting on my first post.

line breaks fixed by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:25 PM

Wha hoppen!?

My first post had everything underscored and some other formatting errors. Then I posted the "fix" --- including a change (improvement) in one of the lines --- , and now I see that the first post has been fixed (except for the line change), and the formatting on the second one did not work after all!

(If some gnome or elf "fixed" the first one, I hope they can delete that one and "fix" the second, better one.)

Genie

duplicate message deleted by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 02:30 PM

And delete the double post, too, please. (Netscape kept saying "...waiting for reply..." and nothing happened, so I probably re-hit "send." I never did get a message that the post had been sent!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 04:18 PM

There's something really paradoxical about this Challenge, no? I mean these glorious gowns designed to make beautiful women even more glamourous, like bright peacocks in mating season (only female) being produced with the aid of a lubricant from a birth-control device. It seems clear the Gummint over in Injuh doesn't know whether they're coming or going!

ooooooohhhhhhhhhh..... (ducks flying rolling pin)

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 04:40 PM

Groahhhhhnnnn!
That was baad, Amos!
Genie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 04:44 PM

Áine, mo chara chairde ...

Sure it passes the time.

And you've been away so long ...

One of the best pastimes on the 'net!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:04 PM

Hey, Sari-Man the Bali's

You put it on a spool now, Its so simple
Put it on a bobbin shuttle to the loom now
Weave me a sari now it comes out perfect
Need to making 'em faster now, not your doing

Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?
Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?

You have a new trick to make your product
You need to lubricate, oh so daring
You've got a source now in the government
Where is the birth control disappearing?

Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?
Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?

Oh Oh Please save a condom for me (save a condom for me)
Oh Oh Please save a condom for me (save a condom for me)

People are starving but you're still earning
You're using rubber sheaths in your greasing
When the condoms all are gone there'll be babies
Mommas needing saris to hide their bellies

Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?
Hey, Sari-Man, Whats your grease now, can you really say?

Sari-Man(Sari-Man) Sari-Man


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

Dear Genie -- I hope the mudelf has satisfied your desires in re formatting ;-) And don't worry about choosing the same song as mousethief -- we've had several past Challenge!s where the same tune was parodied; all with individual hilarious results -- just go for it, girl, you're doing great! Now, here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Saris made of blue, red and gold are adorned with flowers,
Needles glisten, but Sikhs are throwing more baby showers!
Makin' kids galore, just like we did before,
Swelling our throngs,
While the sari-sewing bobbin goes bob-bob-bobbin-in' along.

And here's a Silver B.L.O.B. for Jack the Sailor (the wee devil) for:

People are starving but you're still earning
You're using rubber sheaths in your greasing
When the condoms all are gone there'll be babies
Mommas needing saris to hide their bellies

Agus do mo chara chóir, a Aidan, tá sé iontach ar fad a bheith anseo arís, leoga ;-) Ach ni raibh sibh féin fad as m'intinn no m'anam, cinnte.

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:47 PM

Better Safe than Sari


Better safe than Sari,
Uncle Rupee did proclaim
Your money will go further
With less babes to bear your name
So put the chapeaux on at night,
At the bedside, not the loom,
Oh it's better safe than Sari,
For a better, bright tomorry,
Split the shifts down at the quarry,
Not the cells within the womb.

We are better safe than Sari,
Said the wives across the land.
And you look darn near ridiculous
With that condom on your hand!
Put your hand inside your pocket!
Put the condom on its tool,
Oh its better safe than Sari,
No more babies will I carry,
Yes, its better safe than Sari
Choose the right thing to keep cool!

We are better safe than Sari,
Say the weavers from Khalee;
We get 12 straight months of nookie,
Where we used to get but three!
And the drain on our finances
Has been reaching a new low;
Oh, we're better safe than Sari,
We'll get laid again tomorry,
Hire doughboys by the lorry!
But let the looms go slow!

© 2001 A. H. Jessup


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 03:06 AM

In keeping with the theme of this thread, here's another quickie:

Who's Sorry Now?

New sari now? Who's sorry now?
Whose belly's aching and looking like a cow?
Who's preggers, true, with number twenty-two?
'Cause there's no condoms for you?
With bobbins well greased, our output's increased--
Both offspring and raiment so proud!
Kids on the way? That's how you must pay
For our making your saris now.

Genie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 04:54 AM

I don't have a title or tune for this yet, but here goes:

If you ever go to 'Inja', see the population swelling,
And you ask the people why, they may say "Sari."
You may think it's an apology, but they just mean the garment
That's made of silken fabric in its glory.

For the fact'ry owners use the condom grease upon the rods
Of their instruments so bobbins will glide freely,
Making oh, so fancy cloth to wrap the majarinis' bods,
While spermatozoa are unleashed completely!

Oh, they say there's never been an erection quite so grand
On the part of man for woman as in Agra.
But the 'Injan' ranks are swelling from the rubbers not on hand--
Not to mention, from the advent of Viagra!

© 2001 Sonja W. Oates

(Please, Amos, no groaning!)

second verse edited by mudelf :-) per request


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 11:46 AM

Sonja:

As the fakir said to the actress, I am cracking up!! Nicely turned.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 12:49 PM

Love Means Never Having to Sew your Sari

It was a typical Monday and she was sitting at her loom
When the man from National Health walked into the room
As the constant hum and racket slowly dropped away
The man in the Nehru jacket climbed on a chair to say

"Love means never having to sew your sari
To dig this you don't need a quarry
These rubbers are not for your bobbin
They belong instead on your husband's knobbin!

Do you see the tangled web you're weaving?
We must restrain this wild conceiving
Or the sari that you make today
Will make you sorrier by next May!

And every baby that you deliver
Is another droplet added to the river
That flows into a great Population Lake
And still more saris you must then make!

And the more rubbers that go for sewing
The less their are for to-and-froing
And what should have gone to your husband's lever
Now undermines our whole endeavor!"

The Man was now quite fraught with care
And fell down trembling from his chair.
He was carried out by two strong men
As the hum and rattle began again

And as she rubbed a rubber on her thread
She thought of what the man had said
She would tuck away a condom for her husband Ari
If love means never having to sew your sari


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: MMario
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 12:12 AM

*ouch* - (I love it!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 12:44 AM

LEJ, you are STILL golden!!

Love it.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 03:32 AM

I guess I haven't got the hang of Netscape Composer yet!

Can somebody delete the last post, since I am substituting this one?

Saris (From The Finest Silk)
(Tune: Geordie)

As I walked out by Bombay Bay
One misty morning early,
I overheard a kajillion cries
Of newborn boys and girlies.

Oh, my sari will be sewn from the finest silk
With needles oh, so greasy,
'Cause the bobbins have been stroked with condoms come
To make the sewing easy.

The fact'ry owner looked out at the throngs
And said, "Fair maids, I'm sorry!
I've had to commandeer the condoms come

To save my profit tomorry!

Twenty-two babies have been born
This morning in our village.
Without our safes, we've no birth control
But feeble stabs at "spillage."

So, our saris will be sewn from the finest silk,
And needles that glide "like buttah,"
'Cause they sold sixteen gross of condoms so dear
To the fact'ries in Calcutta.

Genie

I'm trying to quit. Really, I am!)

duplicate post deleted per request by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Genie
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 03:46 AM

Nice jobs, Amos and EJ! (I still think Trapper has the best title, though!)

Here's one more bit of doggerel from me:

Needle Good and Greasy
(Skillet Good and Greasy)

Well, I'm goin' to the fact'ry,
Make the saris satisfact'ry,
Rub a condom on my bobbin,
Keep my needle good and greasy
All the time, time, time,
Needle good and greasy,
Needle good and greasy,
Needle good and greasy all the time.

Now in Bombay town
Population's out of hand, We
Sell the condoms to The Man, We
Keep the women fat and queasy
All the time, time, time,
Women fat and queasy,
Women fat and queasy,
Women fat and queasy all the time.

If The Man say "Sew!
We've just got to make some mo'!"
We'll start shootin' out more saris
All the time, time, time.
Shootin' out more saris,
Shootin' out more saris,
Shootin' out more saris all the time.

'Cause, down in sari fact'ry town,
Condoms move the bobbins easy,
Keep de needles good and greasy
All the time, time, time,
Needles good and greasy,
Needles good and greasy,
Needles good and greasy all the time.

Genie


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 11:54 AM

LOL Genie!!

Re composer the display isn't HTML sensitive so if you copy and past from it it ends up lumping like any text body would because there are no line breaks.

What you do is use composer to make your styles, etc the way you like. Then choose "View Source" and select everything within the body (from your first character to your last character, including any of your own bracketed containers but none of the pages ones). Copy that and paste it into a posting box on a thread and Bobbin's your uncle.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 66 'We're Back!'
From: Áine
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 09:03 PM

Wow!! What a comeback!! I've lost count; but, I think we had over 20 submissions for this Challenge! -- Well done indeed, my darlin' Challenge!rs ;-)

Here are your much deserved awards, and I hope that each of you have cleared space for the many Golden Cow Chips that will certainly come your way in the future. Cudos and congrats, as usual, to each and every very special one of you!

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

The Agra Apologia by Sonja
Hey, Sari-Man the Bali's by Jack the Sailor
Incidental Doggerel by Amos
Sari Seems To Be The Hardest Word by Jack the Sailor
When the Sari-Sewin' Bobbin Goes Bob-bob-bobbin' Along by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

A Start In Life by Jack the Sailor
Better Safe than Sari by Amos
Hard to Make a Sari by mousethief
Sari Weaver by Jack the Sailor
Saris (From The Finest Silk) by Genie
Sexy Silken Sari by MMario
Summer Sari Shuttles by Tinker
The Weavers? by Clifton53

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

The Ballad of Bobbin Good and the Wily Weaving Woman by McGrath of Harlow
I'm Sorry; No Sari by SharonA
Rami on the Loom by Amos
Sari Seems to be the Hardest Word by JenEllen

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Johnnies on the Bobbin by McGrath of Harlow
Rub Rub Rubber by mousethief
Sari with the French Tickler Top by Trapper
The Slime from the Sin-Balloon by derrymacash

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration (The Doo-Lyn Ditty Digger Decoration is awarded for the best cow chip chunking Country version of a song in a Challenge!):

Needle Good and Greasy by Genie
Ring of Pyre by Clifton53

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Love Means Never Having to Sew Your Sari by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon (The Two-Fer-One Coupon is awarded to those Challenge!rs who use two or more Challenge! topics in one song):

Sari Times, They Are A-Changing by Bradypus

Winners of the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts (The Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts Award is given to the Challenge!rs who use ten or more Challenge! topics in one song):

Pinch Me! I'm Dreamin' by derrymacash


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