Song Challenge! - Part 67

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 11:24 PM

Just refreshing my memory of this particularly wonderful and hilarious Song Challenge!

I think our Mudcatter poets attained some new highs in parodistic humor! (Or should that be new lows?)

Genie

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:27 PM

Áine, bless your heart! I can use that MMario Memorial Spittoon to catch some of the coffee/tea/etc. that shoots out my nose when I read these Song Challenges! (Should save on Kleenex!)

Many thanks--

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Genie (sans cookie)
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:16 PM

Two Golden Cow Chips?!!! I'm udderly flabbergasted! Thanks, Áine!

Genie

BTW, I think you deserve some cow chips, too! If you aren't allowed to self-administer them, we'll toss a few at you if you keep writing such gems!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:49 PM

Oh Jack, thank you so much for the S.E.I.N.C.!! ;-) And I promise not to self-administer anything without asking you first!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:14 PM

Thank You Aine, For the Sheila Na Gig gig, I'm touched, well, that's what people tell me anyway.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 03:47 PM

Gold, no less! Áine, I'm verklempt!! (Is that how you spell it?)

Sonja

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 03:25 PM

And a special award,

The Silverplated Electric Incubater with Nut Cluster,

(This is unique award for mirth production above and beyond the call of duty and not to be self administered.)

Awarded to Áine for "Da Dude Done Run"!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 PM

Alrightey then, I think we've beat the bushes well enough and scrambled our collective yolks to a frothy frenzy on this Challenge! So, the awarding of the Chips shall now commence . . . and I have to say that this has been one of the BEST Challenge!s we've had in a while. Cudos and congrats and beaucoups gracias to each and every one of you!! ;-)

-- Áine

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

The Cockee In Seat 10-D by Clifton53
Johann Zillinger by Dharmabum
Scrotum by Tinker
T W A by Genie
With The Eggs Tucked In His Underwear by Genie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

The Boxers by mousethief
Copacabana by Sonja
Eggs by Zillinger Zillinger Top (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
I Hope They Don't Hatch Now by MMario
Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Baby Bird In His Bikinis by Sonja

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):

The Birdman of Rio by derrymacash
A Fine Feathered Fetish by Dharmabum
Goings On In Rio by Amos
The Marvelous Johann by Deda
The Night Before Johann Was Searched by derrymacash
Soar Like An Eagle, Fall Like A Rock by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Bird Smugglers March by Johan Phillipe Salsa (a/k/a Jack the Sailor)
Gonna Haul Anacondas by Lin in Kansas
Hard Eggs by SharonA
Hot Eggs by mousethief
The Human Ark by derrymacash

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

All God's Critters by Genie
Master Macaw by Clifton53

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 09:18 AM

Sonja - well done!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:42 AM

Derrymasch, both yours were great, but, for clarification, the post above was in repsponse to the Phil The Fluther parody.

Dharma, you crack me up! (No double 'entendre'd.)

Sonja

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:29 AM

Derrymasch, that's priceless!!!!!

Sonja

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:25 AM

Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Baby Bird In His Bikinis
(Tune: Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini)

He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid that the bulges would show.
He was afraid to come out of the taxi,
He was afraid everybody would know.

(One, two, three, four,
What the federales saw)

 Was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
 Movin' in a provocative way,
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis,
 Gave old Johann the smuggler away.
 
He was afraid to submit to the strip search;
He turned bright red, the customs lady could see.
He was afraid to submit to the strip search,
Because those budgie chicks had soiled his BVD's!

(Three, four, five, six,
What a nest for hatching chicks!)
 
 It was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis--
 That's why Johann was walkin' that way.
 An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
 Birds in your crotch can just ruin your whole day!

He was afraid that the agents would ferret
Out all the snakes and birds that he had stowed away.
He might have fooled 'em, were it not for that parrot
That started squealin' and gave him away!

(Five, six, seven, eight,
What did that stool pigeon say?)

     "He's got some itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs in his bikinis!"
     That's what that big mouth Macaw bird did say,
     "Itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie eggs there by his weenie!
     And don't forget the boas in his attaché!"

He was afraid he'd no more see Vienna,
And so he tried to say "They're just beloved pets!"
But twenty-one parakeets wrapped in bandanas
Told the customs cops his tale was all wet!

     And then that itsy bitsy, teeny weeny baby bird in his bikinis
     Popped right on out, much to Johann's dismay!
     An itsy bitsy, teeny weeny budgie in his Hanes bikinis--
     Now they're taking our hero away.

(Four, three, two, one,
Tell the man what he has won!)

     It is an eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     That's the wages of Zillerman's foul crime!
     An eeny weeny, itty bitty cell in a Brazilian city,
     Where Johann's now doing his seven to nine!

©  Sonja W. Oates, 2001

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Dharmabum
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

JOHANN ZILLINGER
(An outlaws Tale)

Sit back & listen
And a tale I will tell
About a modern day outlaw
Who got famous as hell.

Johann Zillinger
Was this outlaws name
He was sneaky & shady
And smugglin' was his game.

Now he'd tried his hand
At 9 to 5 employment
But that didn't provide 'em
With too much enjoyment.

He said "I don't believe"
"In that Old Lady Luck"
"That's why I'll steal damn near"
"Anything for a buck".

Soon he'd established
His reputation & fame
Folks used to shudder
When they heard Johann's name.

He'd steal anything
That wasn't tied down
Folks locked their doors & windows
When he came into town.

He'd rob anyone
From the north or the south
Hell,I heard he even snatched the gold
From his own Granny's mouth.

Then one day he heard
There's big money to be made
From being a smuggler
In the exotic animal trade.

So he bought him a ticket
And flew by way of Brazilian
While he dreamed of his fortune
He thought "I'll make me a million".

So he trekked into the jungle
With a bag & a net
To see how many
Feathered creatures he could get.

He bagged parakeets
And an African Grey
Even threw in a Boa Constrictor
He'd found along the way.

When his bag was full
And bulging over the top
It wasn't till then
That Johann did stop.

On his way back to town
He started to wonder
How to smuggle these critters
Without becoming a blunder.

He thought of disguises
Maybe uncles or aunts
But birds look too suspect
Wearing dresses & pants.

"I know!",as an idea
Popped into his head
"I'll smuggle them out"
"On my person instead".

So he started hiding
His black market fare
As he got out the duct tape
And extra large underwear.

Parakeets in his armpits
And parrots down his back
And that poor African Grey
Stuffed right in the crack.

And I can't even say
Where he put that Constrictor
Aw hell, yes I can
It went right up his sphincter!

So there stood our Johann
Heavier by 60 pounds
As he headed for the airport
At the edge of that town.

As he got to the taxi
He started to wonder
"What is that weird feeling?"
"That I'm feeling down under".

He was breaking a sweat
As he looked at his watch
When a cheeping & peeping sound
Came from his crotch.

He thought"I can still make it"
As he wiped his face with a towel
Then that constrictor,constricted
Inside of his bowel.

Now ,with that & those birdies
Pecking his balls
Sent poor Johann screaming
On a fierce nature call.

He ran down the street
But was quite easy to catch
Let's just say that they got 'em
Where those birdies did hatch.

And now that you've heard
Of poor Johann's tale
Please think of him kindly
As he sits in that jail.

And I hear he gets visits
At lights out,after dark
Of course....after that Boa
It's just a walk in the park.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 02:03 PM

Derry:

Your usual masterful work!! Loved it -- I can just hear it overlaid to "The Night that Poor Larry Got Stretched". LOL!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 01:54 PM

You guys are TOO MUCH!!! All of ya!!!!!!! :-D

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 11:57 AM

aww- shucks! you passed up the chance to use "egg"-gravation and "egg"-grieved - but otherwise "egg"-cellent work.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 11:50 AM

To the tune of "The Nighht Before Larry Was Stretched"

The Night Before Johann Was Searched

The night before Johann was searched
The boys and me paid him a visit
Into his hotel room we lurched
"The stuff" Johann asked us "where is it?"
For Johann was ever the lad
To be fixing to make him a killin'
If profit there was to be had
Then Jo would make manys the shillin'
And guineas and fivers forbye

The boys and me crowded in fast
And drew all our stools round about him
"Who's first? And who will be last?"
That gave rise to a fair bit of shoutin'
But Johann he said "Settle down
Let's act like you're men used to dealin'
Fine, honoured men about town
Not rogues at home with sheep-stealin'
And rustlin' of catlle as well"

"I'm sorry dear Johann" says I
"To cause any agg-a-ravation
And blister my limbs if I lie
We mean to cause no agitation
We'll step up now, each in his turn
To offer you creatures of quality
We peasants have not, it seemed, learned
To behave with all due formality"
And with that, the business commenced

I offered a fine pair of birds
And a reptile of some unknown variety
They really were the last word
Fit for any Zoological Society
And next up came parrots and frogs
A monkey, a blushing flamingo
Fishes and two types of dog
A snake and a bloody great dingo
(God knows how that bugger got here!)

And Johann at last said "Enough!
Much thanks for your netting and trappin'
I've got myself plenty of stuff
On my door back at home they'll be rappin'"
And off we slunk into the night
Each clutching his wad of blood-money
And Johann prepared for his flight
Thinking he'd have a clear run (He
Couldn't have known the result!)

Never do business with thieves
Forget about "honour among"
For one of our crowd was aggrieved
And determined to see Johann hung
Just as Judas betrayed with a kiss
Yer man with the beard and the sandals
Johann met his nemesis
And the news was one hell of a scandal
(They're writing songs 'bout it yet!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:42 AM

Just goes to show you that the challenges are just a take-off point.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:21 AM

Uh, derrymacash -- did you have one too many uisce té at the pub last night? ;-) Or have you been hanging out with Jack the Sailor a bit too much? Woo - that one is hoot! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for these poetically pruient lines:

With a cat in my hat and some bitches in my britches
Cunningly concealed behind some decorative stitches
I've got chicks in my knicks and - the very coup de grace! –
I've got a hairy caterpillar hiding in my ass

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 09:04 AM

To the tune of "Phil The Fluter's Ball" (how tacky is that?!)

Noah from the Bible got a tip-off of a flood
So he built a bloody great big boat as quickly as he could
And bunged it full of animals, large, medium and small
And sure, Noah he was laughing as the rain began to fall
And Mister Johann Zillinger, who deals in dodgy animals
Was shopped to the police by a local coppers' nark
And as the cops surrounded him, he said I am no criminal
God above's appointed me to be a human ark

With a pig in my wig and a nest in my vest
I've got ants in my pants and pests on my chest
Gnus in my shoes and a fox in my socks
And in the lining of my jacket I've concealed a huge bull-ox

The airport police stood open-jawed in disbelief
They believed that they were trailing a villain and a thief
But now he'd turned the tables, if they believed his word
It appeared that the boul' Johann was an envoy of the Lord
And thus it was Herr Johann evaded long detention
He should have spent a long time in a prison cell
But he was upgraded at the very mention
Of his mission from the Lord to save all animals from hell

With a cat in my hat and some bitches in my britches
Cunningly concealed behind some decorative stitches
I've got chicks in my knicks and - the very coup de grace! –
I've got a hairy caterpillar hiding in my ass

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 06:53 PM

Ok, Áine, I promise I will finish the song tomorrow (no time today). But the Title and hook line really should (and will) be:

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Budgie In His Hanes Bikinis.

Sonja

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

Ah Clifton, that last one of yours is definitely Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award material!! And here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

As they poked me and probed for their illegal smile
I was laughin' and cussin' at them all the while
For they'll never besmirch me or make me say "draw"
" I'll tarnish their laurels" says Master McCaw.

And Sonja -- 'B.L.O.B.' stands for 'Best Line O' Bull' -- get it? ;-) Now that you know, get to work on the itsy bitsy baby budgie song!!

To Genie (with or without her cookie, she's a Winnah!) for this fantastic mental image:

And those little baby budgies started hatchin' and a-chirpin'
As he headed for the taxi stand.
When his jockeys started burstin', and the parrots started cursin',
He was clearly carryin' contraband.


Way to go, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Genie Who can't find her cookie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 05:25 PM

I've got to quit doing this, but this story just begs for songs. Here's another:

T W A  (Tune: M T A)

Now let me tell you of the story of ein Herr called Johann
On vacation down Rio way,
Put two boas in his backpack, stuffed his shorts with birds' eggs,
Tried to fly on TWA.

     But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     'Cause at the Copa he got burned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Johann stuffed those snakes into his socks inside his sneakers
So they'd slumber peacefully.
Then he tucked away the twenty-one parrots in his t-shirts
And the eggs inside his BVD's.

     But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     For it seems the worm has turned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now all this beastly booty he had bought there in beautiful
Brazil, for just a paltry sum,
He thought he'd make out like a bandit when he sold them in Vienna--
Guess he thought Brazilian cops were dumb!

    But did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     And not a Euro did he earn!
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now, sitting right there at the bar at the Copa,
With the budgie eggs in his shorts,
I'm afraid our hero's body temp'rature started rising
When he downed a couple quarts.

And those little baby budgies started hatchin' and a-chirpin'
As he headed for the taxi stand.
When his jockeys started burstin', and the parrots started cursin',
He was clearly carryin' contraband.

     So, did he ever return?  Oh, no he never returned,
     'Cause his boxers pulsed and churned.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Johann's wife flies down to Rio de Janiero
Every year to try to set him free,
But they've charged him with those thirty-two counts of critter smuggling--
Not to mention bestiality!

    So has he ever returned?  Oh, no he never returned,
     So his wife just yearns and yearns.
     He may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     He's the smuggler who never returned.

Now, you folks  who'd like to traffic in exotic beasties,
Just remember this sad smuggler's tale.
If you try to use your undies as a budgie incubator,
You may never get out of jail.

     And you'll never return, no, you'll never return,
    'Cause at customs you'll get burned.
     You may rot forever in a cell in Rio,
     Be the one who never returns.
 

© 2001 Jeanene Pratt

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 04:27 PM

Priceless, Sonja! Can't wait to hear the rest!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 04:25 PM

This one is not finished yet, but I want to 'claim' the chorus before someone else does.

Itsy Bitsy Baby Budgie In His Brand New Hanes Bikinis

It was an itsy bitsy baby budgie in his brand new Hanes bikinis
That had hatched from its egg just today.
An itsy bitsy baby budgie in his brand new Hanes bikinis
That gave the wannabe smuggler away.

© 2001 Sonja W. Oates

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:19 PM

Thanks for the Silver B.L.O.B., Áine. (Dunno what it stands for, but it sounds like something good!) And thanks for the kudos, Clifton & MMario.

BTW, that line is supposed to be "...And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out ..." (as opposed to "...trade of doubt..."). Mudcat, can you fix that boo-boo in the "Copa" song? Thanks.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:06 PM

I'm freakin' dyin' heah!!

" Snots are everywhere man, snots are everywhere"!

Sonja, that was so fine!

Dharmabum, testicles incubatin'
A freakin scream I'm awaitin'.

And thank you Aine, Blush blush, gush gush,
Gimme a pat right on me tush!

Master Macaw

Two-thousand and one bein' the date of the year
All the parrothead smugglers sure did appear
To win the great prize and bear it awah
Nevar countin' on Johann and Master McCaw

I'm sure that young Buffet he sure would approve
If snakes and young parakeets you wish to move
Just fly down to Belen and fill up your craw
And don't give a thought to young Master McCaw

I'm lovin' bejesus the danger so near
And the stewardess eyes me as if I were queer
It's true they been peckin' me testicles raw
But I'll soon turn a profit on Master McCaw

Now in South America anything goes
You can run all around with birds in your clothes
But back in 'ol Austria, there is one flaw
" The colors will blind them" says Master McCaw

Now down by the 'Copa they gave me a knock
Imagine me fear as they fingered me frock
Please help me 'ol mudcatters, help me 'ol Spaw
They're slappin' the cuffs on 'ol Master McCaw

As they poked me and probed for their illegal smile
I was laughin' and cussin' at them all the while
For they'll never besmirch me or make me say "draw"
" I'll tarnish their laurels" says Master McCaw.

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:02 PM

Yea Sonja! I was wondering when someone was gonna use the 'Copa' song ;-) Fine, fine job -- and here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Her name was Rita, she wore a wire.
She sashayed over to his chair, when she saw the bulging there.
She saw a flutter from near his putter,
And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out
With its beak open wide, its hunger not denied,
Seeking food from the one who hatched it--
"Cheep! Cheep! Cheeeeeep," it cried!


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 10:48 AM

*clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!* Way to go Sonja!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 10:39 AM

Copacabana    © 2001 Sonja W. Oates

(Based on Copacabana, by  Barry Manilow, Bruce Sussman, and J. Feldman)

His name was Johann, he was a smuggler
With birdies's eggs  within his trunks that made it look like he was hung.
He would traffic in critter cargo,
While he was flying thru the air, the birds and beasties, they were there,
Inside his Samsonite, tucked away for flight--
Even birds' eggs in his jockeys,
So his jeans are tight!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
With birdie eggs by his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,
Pythons and parrots the agents did ferret,
At the Copa....they busted him.
 
Her name was Rita, she wore a wire.
She sashayed over to his chair, when she saw the bulging there.
She saw a flutter from near his putter,
And it removed all trace of doubt when a naked head poked out
With its beak open wide, its hunger not denied,
Seeking food from the one who hatched it--
"Cheep!  Cheep! Cheeeeeep," it cried!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
The birds' nest was by his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,|
Zillinger's passion set those eggs a-hatchin'.
At the Copa....she turned him in.

Her name is Rita, she was a copper
And she gave the guy no break when she stumbled on that snake!
Parakeets in his underwear, feathers in his pubic hair,
Now he's been jailed and fined, 'cause justice, she is blind,
He lost his suitcases and his laptop
When she made her find!

At the Copa, Copacabana,
The hottest spot was his banana.
At the Copa, Copacabana,
Animal snatchin' was just not in fashion!
At the Copa....she got her man.

spelling correction made per request by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:28 AM

Whoops -- Clifton and I seem to have cross-posted our last messages -- And not wanting to leave out one of the best of our mad lot, here's a Silver B.L.O.B. to Clifton53 for:

I tucked the snakes and parrots down within me bags so stout
And wrapped 'em with some extra rags so the buggers don't get out
But the fragile little bird eggs
I kept them close to me
A gentle note down by me scrote
The Cockee in seat 10-D

Well done! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:24 AM

. . . and what to my wondering eyes should appear . . . but even MORE great songs hatched from the heads of you Challenge!rs!! Here are this morning's set of Silver B.L.O.B.s for you --

To Tinker (my, my, my!!) for:

There are eggs in a nest and mammary glands
But this technique could cause a grand stand
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the little peckers do peck?
Scrotum, Scrotum
You better hope their ready to rest

And to Genie, a Silver B.L.O.B. each for:

It's a smuggler's life, critter crap everywhere,
In my Samsonite, in my underwear!
The boa in my muffler's cuttin' off my air,
And the mynah's startin' to swear!

AND

Inside his brand new attaché, he's got snake or two,
And in his trunk four parakeets he purchased in Peru,
But it's awfully awkward for the bloke when he has to use the loo
With the eggs tucked in his underwear.

And to Lin in Kansas (hey girlfriend!), a double Silver B.L.O.B. for this pair of HI-larious lyrics:

Now they're chirpin' and cheepin'
And they're out of their shells,
And I forgot the birdseed—
Life ... is ... hell.

Yeah, they got the boa constrictor
And a mynah or three,
And now they're confiscatin'
My B ... V ... Ds.


Yep, ya just can't find any better songsters than my darlin' Challenge!rs -- no brag, just fact! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Clifton53
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 09:20 AM

The Cockee In Seat 10-D
(Tune is "The Cockee of Bangaree"}

My name is Johann Zillinger come listen to my tale
I smuggle snakes and parakeets,everything's for sale
Come listen to the story
You can take it straight from me
I'll tell you all how I became
The Cockee in seat 10-D

In Austria there are no beasts as tropical as these
But in Brazil they're plentiful, they grow right in the trees
So I went down to Belen
Bought as many as I pleased
And started back to earn me fame
The Cockee in seat 10-D

Now smugglin' eggs is no small feat, it's somethin' you can't botch
I wrapped them in a handkerchief and tucked 'em in me crotch
And the profit will be lovely
I'll have a rare 'ol spree
And fame and fortune will be mine
The Cockee in seat 10-D

I tucked the snakes and parrots down within me bags so stout
And wrapped 'em with some extra rags so the buggers don't get out
But the fragile little bird eggs
I kept them close to me
A gentle note down by me scrote
The Cockee in seat 10-D

But how the story ends me boys, I really should explain
They'll tell this tale for years and years with a loud and happy refrain
I got busted in the taxi
They locked me up you see
I never even got on board
The Cockee in seat 10-D

Great work folks, Many laughs here

Clifton

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 08:33 AM

LOL! (literaly, good thing my co-workers are used to me.)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:04 AM

Well, Jeez--I've used up half a box of Kleenex wiping down the keyboard, the monitor, the cat....Gawd!

Humble offering for a song with three chords:

Gonna Haul Anacondas
(To the tune of "Gonna Find Me a Bluebird")

Gonna haul anacondas
In a suitcase or two
Gonna catch me a parrot
For ... a ... zoo.

Gonna pack me a blue bird,
And a green cockatoo.
But for tough little eggs now
That ... won't ... do.

Bridge

I have a secret
In my old brown sock here.
It's like a rock here
Between my legs.
Don't touch me buddy,
I know I'm walkin' funny
But I'm makin' money,
I've ... got ... eggs!

Now they're chirpin' and cheepin'
And they're out of their shells,
And I forgot the birdseed—
Life ... is ... hell.

Yeah, they got the boa constrictor
And a mynah or three,
And now they're confiscatin'
My B ... V ... Ds.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:44 AM

Mudself, if you are there, can you insert the word "in" in the third line of the above song? It should read, "...against a brazen Austrian in flight ...".

Also, less important, but the title should be bold, too.

Thanks, Genie

P.S., I didn't really mean to make the print THAT big!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:35 AM

With The Eggs Tucked In His Underwear
(Tune: Anne Boleyn)

In the town of Rio Wednesday night
A charge of animal trafficking was made
Against a brazen Austrian in flight
Engaging in the stolen critter trade.

Chorus:
With the eggs tucked in his underwear
He crossed the borderline
Till the birds hatched in his underwear
He was doing just fine!

He's going to cross the border with a boa in his brief-
Case, and scads of parrots in his bags, 'cause he's a thief,
And just in case the customs agents try to give him grief,
He's got the eggs tucked in his underwear.

Inside his brand new attaché, he's got snake or two,
And in his trunk four parakeets he purchased in Peru,
But it's awfully awkward for the bloke when he has to use the loo
With the eggs tucked in his underwear.

Chorus

Sometimes Brazilian coppers get a tip
From nameless pals and gals that they have bought.
They've seen suspicious bulges near the hips,
And, Voila!, Señor Zillinger is caught!
"Hold it, bud!" The federales shout,
And twenty-one Macaws come flying out.

Chorus

The day they cornered Johann, he was in the Copa bar
A-stuffing beer nuts in his pants (we noticed from afar!)--
It seems he'd spawned a parakeet maternity ward
Where there were eggs tucked in his underwear!

Chorus

The waitresses just thought he was an ordinary guy,
But when they saw those bulges in his pants, they said, "Oh, my!
It must be Long Dong Silver!"  He induced a thousand sighs,
When the snake snuck into his underwear!

Genie

html fixed per request by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Genie
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:15 AM

All God's Critters - Parody All God's Critters Got a Place In My Pants (with apologies to Bill Staines)

Chorus:
All God's critters got a place in my pants--
Some for money, some for romance,
Some sing out loud, just so I can dance,
And some just flap their wings to keep me cooler in the summer.

Listen to the chicks hatching near my bottom,
Will it be a cock  or a hen I've begotten?
Will the chickies be imprinted on my thing,
Or will it be my swan song they  sing?

All God's critters got  ... .

Listen to the cop that frisked me in Rio
On a felony charge that could get me a year,
He made me his collar for a silly little thing,
Like the jay bird up my sleeve.

All God's critters got  ... .

Smuggling in the night time, smuggling in the day;
Little duck quackin' prob'ly gave me away.
The python gobbled it, to my dismay,
& the parrot just cried "Ole!"

All God's critters got  ...  .

It's a smuggler's life, critter crap everywhere,
In my Samsonite, in my underwear!
The boa in my muffler's cuttin' off my air,
And the mynah's startin' to swear!

All God's critters got  ...  .

© 2001 Jeanene Pratt

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:45 PM

Boy, TGG, you sure know how to put all your eggs in one...ummmm...basket!

I nominate you for a Super Silver BLOB for starting this Challenge AND for the hilarious couplet cited by MuhMuhMario above!

Love,

A,

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Tinker
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:36 PM

Okay, my apologies again.... ya see I just got a copy of The Erotic Muse in the mail from Elderly and this song or a shorter varient was ear worming already and then this song challenge came along and well.... you guys have all been so classy about it....

Scrotum (Tune: Jada from the 1918 musical Bean Pie)

Scrotum, Scrotum
S-c-r-o-t-u-m
Scrotum, Scrotum
What cha gonna do if an'when ?

An Austrian in Rio was lookin' for bucks
Put some parrots with his snake and packed 'em up in a trunk
Oh scrotum, scrotum
You'll never guess what he did then…

Five little eggs rolled up in a sock
Under his balls, safe and warm for luck
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the pippin' soon does begin?

The parakeets a-pippin'from its haven down under
It could have been a most bloody blunder
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What cha gonna do if an' when ?
Scrotum, Scrotum
What if the pippin' soon does begin?

There are eggs in a nest and mammary glands
But this technique could cause a grand stand
Oh scrotum, scrotum
What if the little peckers do peck?
Scrotum, Scrotum
You better hope their ready to rest

Baggy Assed Shaggy Assed
Covered with hair
He had a little nest just hidden there
Oh Scrotum, Scrotum
Balls up get'em outa here
Scrotum, Scrotum
Now Customs' in your underwear

There are snakes in your luggage and the parrots will tell
If the newly hatch birds are part of the swell…
Oh Scrotum, Scrotum
Balls up get'em outta here
Scrotum, Scrotum
For ballin' birds is not done here
For ballin' birds is not done here

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 07:10 PM

Yes, he caught my eye,
Yes, tryin' not to cry,
And when his pants started to sing,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

hee-hee-hee-hee!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 06:10 PM

Alrightey then, now that I've got that out of my system -- and what a load off my mind ;-) -- here are your shiny Silver B.L.O.B.s for verses well done (or should that be over easy??):

To our one and only Jack the Sailor for:

He's got Eggs
she knows where to stash 'em
Between his legs
he's trying not to hatch them

To MMario, our 'fancy man', for:

The custom men all chuckled , when I had to strip
To see the roll of socks, when my pants I did unzip.
Let them laugh, and think I'm vain, my crotch to pad and puff
My family jewels were sharin' space with some really fancy stuff!


Keep 'em coming, Challenge!rs!! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 05:52 PM

If y'all don't mind, I'll be back in a moment to award the latest bunch of B.L.O.B.s -- But, right now, I want y'all to take a moment, put your hair up in a ponytail or slick it back with Dippity Doo, pull on your bobby socks, slip on your penny loafers, and imagine one of those friendly folks that frisk you at the airport singing this little ditty on American Bandstand:


Da Dude Done Run by Áine
(Tune: Da Doo Ron Ron as recorded by The Crystals)


I noticed him that Monday 'cuz he couldn't stand still,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
His passport said that his name was Zill,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, he couldn't stand still,
Yes, his name was Zill,
And when I waved my wand,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

He was pullin' on his britches when he caught my eye,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Twistin' up his face and tryin' not to cry,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, he caught my eye,
Yes, tryin' not to cry,
And when his pants started to sing,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

I tackled him around the waist and took him down,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
His britches slid right off and fell onto the ground,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, I took him down,
Yes, his pants were on the ground,
And scamperin' in pain and fright,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Slappin' at his nooglies he ran down the mall,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Screams and baby budgies flyin' down the hall,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Yes, all his eggs had hatched,
Yes, they'd nested in his thatch,
And his progeny away they snatched,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run,
Da dude done run run, da dude done run

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 05:02 PM

ALEX!!!!! Heeheeheeheeeheheeeheeeee!!!!!!!!! :-D

This is something that must happen fairly often. A few months ago I heard a story about a woman arrested for smuggling snakes in her brazzer. I tried to look for it on the Net to send to Aine but I never could find it. This one is just as good, though.

I used to have a budgie. I don't think I'll ever look at budgies the same again...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: MMario
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:38 PM

I HOPE THEY DON'T HATCH NOW
(Tune: Itches in me britches)

I came from out the jungle, on a hot and humid day
Went to the Rio airport, for to go along my way;
I hadn't heard of nine-one-one, while up the Amazon
Thought I'd breeze through customs, like whistle-ing a song!

Chorus:
I hope they don't hatch now,
God, I hope they don't hatch now!
I got itches in me britches,
God! I hope they don't hatch now!

They opened up my luggage, they took out all my loot;
Pawed through all my t-shirts and my sunday suit
They found the anaconda, and the crested green Macaw;
I had bought in Belen city for to sell in Austria

Chorus:

A reticulated python was a-sleeping in my trunk
And several baby monkeys, amongst the other junk
But they didn't check my thermos, so I guess they didn't find
The amazon blue tetras that I had slipped inside

Chorus:

The custom men all chuckled , when I had to strip
To see the roll of socks, when my pants I did unzip.
Let them laugh, and think I'm vain, my crotch to pad and puff
My family jewels were sharin' space with some really fancy stuff!

Chorus:

For trafficking in animals, exotic rich and rare
The authorities in Rio have sentenced me to a punishment "most quare"
The roll of socks which once I wore, with budgie eggs within
Now holds some snapping turtle eggs against my tender skin!

Chorus: x2

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM

Eggs, by Zillinger Zillinger Top

He's got Eggs
she knows where to stash 'em
Between his legs
he's trying not to hatch them
He`s holdin Eggs
Maybe likes to feel 'em
And now he wants to smuggle them
Doesn't want to cuddle them
It's his Livlyhood
Doin' no one good
Its not right, not right

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: SharonA
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:07 PM

Holy moley! A Golden B.L.O.B.??? I... I... I don't have words to express my gratitude. I am deeply honored.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: Áine
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:42 PM

Yee-haw! Another great, great round (or should that be oval) of songs!! Alrightey then, without the ado or redux, here are your well deserved Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To Jack the Sailor (I-I-I-I-I-I like it berry much!!!) for his usual inimitable versology:

Zillinger has incubating balls
Budgies make eggs that are so small
Police have searched the suitcase
They'll be hatchin' in Rio after all

To SharonA for this rib-ticklin' little bit of a ditty -- and really, any woman who can pair up 'hard eggs' and 'lard-legs' deserves a Golden B.L.O.B.:

Hard eggs, hard eggs,
What if they shatter twixt my lard-legs?
I would be Pappy to chicks there, too,
When my hard eggs break through!

To my loverly Dharmabum (kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss -- you know what I mean . . . ) for this bit o' bull that's meant to tickle you in your 'naughty bits':

Some guys like to dress up in lingere
Some guys like their bondage & leather
I'm a guy that likes the sound of natures call
Just a sucker for the fin, fur & feather.

And now, for my darlin' wee mousethief -- who appears to have two wild eggs up his briefs ;-) a double dose of S.B.L.O.B. for:

Now with bird eggs in my boxers and my luggage full of birds
And I carry their reminder on every glove and shirt-sleeve
Where they shat on me till I cried out
In my anger and my rage, "Just you wait, bird! Just you wait, bird!
You will be in a cage!
Then the eggs hatch and start pecking at my nuts.

AND FOR:

Imagine how my gonads felt
When those birds hatched out down under my belt
Just a few minutes old
But peckin' awfully bold
I got eggs down there in my pants
But I'm twitchin like it's g****amned ants
I'm talking to you
Hot eggs, now the customs men stop
Hot eggs, they watch me reel and rock
Hot eggs, you're making me a fool
I live for money

To Lonesome EJ, you sweet thang ;-), a Silver B.L.O.B. for these two verses -- LEJ wrote such a great story song, it's impossible to seperate them -- I mean, how could I break up such a great pair? ;-) -- so here ya go:

He met her at the airport
It was a first-sight romance
By the light of the juke box
They stole a kiss and a dance

He said "I'm all warm and tingly
From the love that we've snatched!"
And it was then, in his boxers,
Something started to hatch


Hugs and snogs to all, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:28 PM

Work in progress:

Hatching a budgie that wasn't so dodgie,
or a parakeet once in a while.
But he met his downfall
when he fumbled the ball,
and he hatched out a young crocodile.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 67
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM

LMAO Leej. Priceless.
~J