Rugby Football Songs

Subject: Rugby Football Songs
From: Monkey Boy
Date: 13 Mar 98 - 08:35 PM

Hey, do you guys know of more verses to the S&M Man, Chicago, Marrying Kind, I Met a Whore in the Park, and Yogi Bear? We always sing the same ones after every game and I'd like to find some newer verses. You can E-mail me at [e-mail].

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Mar 98 - 09:44 PM

the secret is a search engine!! Alta Vista gave 200+ hits..including this one

go forth and learn MANY new songs and verses!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bruce Olson
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 12:32 PM

Some site! I clicked on Bawdy Rugby Songs, and found that the songs there were from DT, but no longer available. According to a note at the top of the homepage it was supposed to be up to date. O well, I have (Harry Morgan's) 'Rugby Songs' and 'More Rugby Songs'.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 03:59 PM

Hi Bruce- Which songs are no longer available? If they've been deleted, it's due to computer error, not censorship.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 06:36 PM

Dick...I think it is that SO many sites around the world still have links to the old xerox address!! This is one!!....I have no idea why so many people fail to check their links after they post them!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bruce O.
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 06:54 PM

Dick, Bill's right, and I should have explained better. That site still has the old xerox address for DT.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Garry Gillard
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:52 AM

Three years later, "That site still has the old xerox address for DT."

If there WAS a collection of bawdy rugby songs on Digitrad, is it still around here somewhere?

Garry

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:10 AM

Garry,

The link in question simply searched the DT for the @bawdy note.

Hope that helps

Ed

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 05:54 AM

This does not appear to be on/in the DT ... simple and sweet.

I LIKE CUNT

Melody--Three Blind Mice

I like cunt,
I like cunt,,
Ain't it cute,,
Ain't it cute?,
Up against railings I've often stood,,
Fucking young ladies and doing them good,,
It's so much better than pulling your pud,,
'Cause I like cunt,,
I like cunt.,

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 05:59 AM

Another one that might not be in the DT

From Monty PythonMp> Melody--Itself

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too.
I love it when you oralize,
When I'm between your thighs,
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you,
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Til we're blown away!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:09 AM

Although originally posted in April of 1998 Click here this one does not appear to have made its way into the DT.

Melody--Do, Re, Mi

Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,
Ray, the guy who serves me beer,
Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,
Fa, a long way to the john,
So, I'll have another beer,
La, I'll have another beer,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:13 AM

Another variant:

Doh, a beer, a Mexican beer,
Ray, a bloke who buys me beer,
Me, a guy, I buy beer for,
Fa, a long way to the bar,
So, I think I'll have a beer,
La, la la la la la laaaa,
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,
And that brings us back to,
Dough . . . (etc)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:25 AM

Now...buried, deep, deep, inside a KatLaugh thread (a perfect example of the giggling-pussy's DT and MC abusive posting) is a cantankerous soulClick here that attempted to bring the MC's soul out of the muck.

Nope...this one has not made it into the DT yet either.

Bring Back

Sung to the well-known Scottish air

My brother lies over the ocean,
My sister lies over the sea,
My father lies over my mother
And that's how they got little me.

Chorus:
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

My one skin lies over my two skin,
My two skin lies over my three,
My three skin lies over my foreskin,
So pull back my foreskin for me.

Pull back, pull back,
Oh pull back my foreskin for me, for me.
Pull back, pull back,
Oh pull back my foreskin for me.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:40 AM

Perhaps my Site Search Skills are lacking, but this one does not show up here, until now

HELLO PENIS

Melody--Sound of Silence

Hello penis my old friend,
I've come to play with you again,
When those wet dreams come a-creeping,
I spurt my seeds while I am sleeping,
And with your helmet firmly planted in my hand,
It will expand,
While jerking off in silence.

In horny dreams I get a bone,
I beat off on cobble stones,
Beneath the halo of a street lamp,
I see a whore who's getting very damp,
For five hundred Guilders in a flash she's on her back,
She spreads her crack,
And twitches her twat in silence.

Those who see and do not know,
How to make my penis grow,
I whipped you out so she might eat you,
I stuffed you up into her pussy spew,
And then my sperm, like silent raindrops fell,
And turned to gel,
While jerking off in silence.

And the ants came out and played,
In the fucking mess I'd made,
But in heeding daddy's warning,
That mum would find it in the morning,
So I rolled out of bed and wiped it up with my shirt,
God, what a squirt!
Jerking off in silence.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:48 AM

Surely, I am doing something wrong, only FIVE songs in the entire Forum/DT with the word Pregnancy? Joe, you're pulling levers behind the screen arn't you?

Melody--Yesterday

Some verses by Flying Booger

Pregnancy,
There's a shotgun hanging over me,
Why has this bulge got to be,
I should have used one, silly me.
Chorus: Why I had to come,
I don't know, she wouldn't blow,
I did something wrong,
Now I long for birth control, ol, ol, ol . . .

Birth control,
It's the only way to save my soul,
Since I put it in my girlfriend's hole,
Now I believe in birth control.

Syphilis,
Feels like razors every time I piss,
Who the hell's to blame for this,
It's agony, this syphilis.

Chorus: How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet,
Now I've got infected meat, eat, eat, eat . . .

Syphilis,
Chancre sores and spots upon my skin,
I never should have stuck it in,
Now I will die of syphilis.

Leprosy,
Bits and pieces falling off of me,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I acquired leprosy.

---

Aw, Garg, I wouldn't do THAT. I censor only when people are mean, not vulgar. Try a search for apron low (click), and you'll get a few more.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 06:54 AM

Since my sebatical, into the world of hashdom, the supply appears endless. Enough for now, work awaits THANX Susan for the inspiration

SEX IS BORING

Melody--Frere Jacques

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Poking out my eyes,
One by one . . .

Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my gonads,
One by one

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:53 AM

I cannot believe these vulgar lyrics are included on a so-called reputable site. Sex is a procreative act and to sing such filth is sin in the eyes of God. Rugby players are drunken violent swine and i do not know of a single one who is worth the grace and glory of Jesus Christ our Savior. You should repent and expend your energy in the service of God and fellow man rather than in glutting yourselves on liquor and rutting like wild animals.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:57 AM

And he who lies with beasts of the field, he too shall be cast out. Leviticus I think, from the oddest book ever published.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:00 AM

In the beer do-re-mi, LA should be LA..ts and lots and lots of beer... per Thomas the Rhymer at the Northwest Gathering!

My undergrad institution had this as the song for the women's rugby team:

Gangbang up on the hill, gangbang is o such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime, I used to gangbang all the tiiiiime
But now I'm older, and getting grey / and not so gay, I only gangbang once a daaaaaaaaay
(shouted by 1 person) Knock knock! (shouted by everybody else) Who's there?
[This is an example answer] Jimmy Carter! Jimmy Carter who? Jimmy cart'er over here and we'll have another gangbang up on the hill...

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: PeteBoom
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:01 AM

John - No thanks, I'm having beer....

Boom

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:51 AM

Oh it does make me laugh we I stick it to a Kat.

Melody--Puff the Magic Dragon

Once a pure white virgin lived by the sea,
She frolicked o'er pastoral fields, her name Virginity,
A sweet young lass of just sixteen, a rosebud ripe and firm,
She wandered o'er the verdant hills, not knowing of the sperm.

Well, Fuck the giant penis lived not far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long; he poked one twice a day,
He was an Ivy Leaguer with vest and pinstriped suit,
He drove a roadster XKE, the sexed-up extrovert.

One day while he was reaming around the rural strips,<> He spied her picking flowers there that lass with swinging hips,
He jumped out of the driver's seat and grabbed her by the ass,
He tore off all her clothing, and laid her in the grass.

Her maidenhead was busted, the ground ran bloodyred,
He poked her till the twilight came, then took her home to bed,
He poked her till the sun rose, she begged for more and more,
He turned that pure virginity into a God damned whore.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:58 AM

Have heard this one for years and years and no doubt there are 49 more verses

CANAL STREET

Walking down Canal Street
Knocking every door
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't find a whore

Finally found a whore
Trying to get it in
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't get it in

Finally got it in
Trying to get it out
Goddamn son-of-a-bitch
Couldn't get it out

Finally got it out
The thing was red and sore
The moral of this story:
Never fuck a whore.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:06 AM

To the tune of Cassons Go Rolling Along

TAMPAX FACTORY

You can tell by the smell, that she isn't very well,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by the flies, that are hanging around her thighs,
that the end of the month comes around.

refrain:
We're the boys that work at the tampax factory.
We shout our orders loud and clear (loud and clear!!!)
We got small size, medium size, family size and king size,
we got a nancy that would fit anyonce' fancy,
when the end of the month comes around.

You can tell by her frown, that her blood is dropping down,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell by her yearning, that she's loosing hemaglobine,
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

You can see where she sat, that her pussy drops are red,
when the end of the month comes around.
You can tell when you fucked it,
that it won't go cause she plugged it,
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

From the stench of the quean, you know exactly where she been,
when the end of the month comes around.
When there's cleenex on the loo, there'll be no intercourse to do
when the end of the month comes around.

refrein

But when her period takes too long,
there's been something going wrong
when the end of the month comes around.
And when it doesn't come at all, there'll be a baby at the fall,
when the end of the year comes around.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:13 AM

This would have fit nicely in the disease thread of Spring 2000.

SYPHILIS

Melody--Four and Twenty Blackbirds

Sing a song of syphilis,

A penis full of pus,
Four and twenty pox scabs,
Waiting to be burst.
And when her legs were opened,
Oh what a sight to see,
Oozy gray-green matter,
All running with her pee.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:20 AM

Simple enough for most any drunk to sing - but wimsical enough to be fun.

SHE'S A MOST IMMORAL LADY

Melody--Battle Hymn of the Republic

She wears her silk pajamas in the summer when it's hot,
She wears her woolen nightie in the winter when it's not,
But later in the springtime, and early in the fall,
She jumps between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Chorus: She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
She's a most immoral lady,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch me,
As she lay between the lily-white sheets with nothing on at all.

Oh, Sir Jasper do not touch! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do not! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper do! (three times)
Oh, Sir Jasper! (three times)
Oh, Sir! (three times)
Oh! (three times)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:27 AM

Now for the MC member who likes to lie with beasts in the field. Good for audience particiaption. This following ditty is one of my personal favorites.

BESTIALITY'S BEST
Melody--Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Boys

(Take turns leading verses)
Chorus: Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best--SHAG A WALLABY!
Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best.

Stick your dork in a stork
Drip your juice on a moose
Be a queer with a deer
Be a rotter with an otter
Be very pleasant to a pheasant
Bring a flea to her knees
Chuck your sperm in a worm
Do an illegal with an eagle
Do it funky with a monkey
Down the throat of a goat
Drink the pee of a bee
Drop some goo in a shrew
Get in deep with a sheep
Have a hug with a bug
Have a screw with a shrew
Have a shag with a stag
Make love with a dove
In the bog with a dog
Put your noodle to a poodle
Rub the thigh of a fly
Shoot your load in a toad
Shove your log in a dog
Stick you rod up a cod
Stick your dork in a stork
Up the hole of a mole
Up the rear of a deer

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:43 AM

Within the database are two wonderful classics you might consider.

Click here: THE BALL OF KERRIEMUIR (BALLYNORE).

Click here: MY GRANDFATHER'S COCK

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM

And a favorite almost everywhere and in any book is the easy audience participation song

THE MAYOR OF BAYSWATER DAUGHTER Click here.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 08:38 AM

Flying Booger's Half Mind Catalog - if you click on "HHH Hymnal," you can download a pile of songs.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:11 PM

I am sure that your Mothers are proud of all of you. This filth is totally inappropriate for a music discussion group. It may be amusing now, but how funny will it be on judgement day when God calls you to atone for your sins. As you are clinging by your fingertips on the edge of the fiery abyss, do you think that your drunken rugby friends will be there to help. There are some gospel music threads that you should check out. Perhaps seeing words of praise to our most heavenly Father will give you a change of heart.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:55 PM

Please post the Gospel links

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:59 PM

Sorry, but I've just converted to Islam, and find the Bible to be full of evil.

I'll bore you with some quotes from the Koran as soon as possible

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,John 3:16
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 03:11 PM

Dear Brother/Sister,

One such thread title is Spirituals, gospels, hymns. There you can find discussion and links that are of a spiritual nature. It is a blessed relief if you have been exposed to the comments of the dregs of humnaity that can be found in this thread.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bert
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 08:11 PM

Hey 3:16, it wasn't us it was Gargoyle! "be a rotter with an Otter" indeed!

Just kidding you Garg me ol' buddy, I love bawdy songs myself.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:02 PM

Yes the "Half Mind" is a half-decent link for a wanna-be.

But if ye seek the equivilent of the "DT"
In the world of "H3"
Ye should see

http://harrier.net/songbook/index.html

With MIDI and HISTORY connected in parallel notation. It is EXACTLY what the next generation. Of of the DT's spawnation.

Should Be.

Dick, Susan, Joe please take a look

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM

Well my little giggling 3:16 pussycat (there are other 'gods' than Joe)I am so glad you've finally found religion

From the DT

Oh me name is Jim Swaggart, I'm a preacher;
I used to save souls on TV,
But they caught me carousing with floozies
And they've taken my program from me.

Come on at least keep yer responces musical...or recite some wiccan things to encourage me.

sorry to digress, back to drunken debauchery

Yo, Ho...Yo, Ho...a Harlot wife for me!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 10:26 PM

Yet again Gargoyle your URL doesn't work. Well it might but you need a password.

Murray

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 11:56 PM

Murray -

If you are referring to the previous harrier.net .....
PLEASE cut and paste again.

I promise you...it IS current and direct.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:19 AM

It won't let me in without a user name and password, I guess you just have to be REALLY depraved before it lets you in;-)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:37 AM

SORRY .... mea culpa

OK...on the front page it GIVES you the PassWords, forgot it is "cookified" like here.

Name = shiggy (H3 name for open countryside)
Password = gispert (name of the founder of modern H3's)case sensitive

An example of parallel anotation is found at their http://harrier.net/songbook/manual/abdul.html

Also, the List of Titles gives much more than the simple A, B, C boxes.... The Airplane Crash Song is even too much for me ... given the current standing of events.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:39 AM

Here is a song worthy of Homer Simpson, or any field of Rugby players

Yes, we thank our Evangelical Bible thumping friends for providing us with the tune.

MORE BEER Tune: Amazing Grace

CHORUS:
A nice cold beer, How sweet it sounds.
To save a drunk like me.

(stop, drink a beer, catch your breath and resume)

I finished 1, but I'm not done,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my wife, I love my beer.
But if I had to choose.
My dear old wife, who I love with my life,
Would most undoubtedly lose.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 2, but I'm not through,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my truck, I love my beer
But if I had to choose,
I'd sell my 4X4, Of which I do adore.
For beer I'd walk to the store.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 3, now I have to pee
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love to fuck, I love my beer
but If I had to choose
It's beer for me, unless her pussy,
tastes like more beer, more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 4, but still want more,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my dog, I love my beer,
but if I had to choose,
I sell my pet, to the vet,
A dog for beer more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 5, I'm still alive,
More beer, More beer, More beer.

I love my MOM, I love my beer
but If I had to choose,
That drunken whore, It's me she bore,
Still I choose more beer more beer.

(CHORUS)
I finished off 6, I've had my fix, (Or: "still need my fix"...to continue song!)
Now you all must drink more beer.

I love my house, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My house might might burn down, But I could still pound
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS) |I just had 7, not yet to 11
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my guns, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my aim is bad, then I'm still glad
To have more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 8, it's not to late
To drink more beer, more beer

I love fishing, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost my line, I wouldn't whine
I'd drink more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 9, I'm feeling fine
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love NASCAR, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If I lost the race, I'd get shit-faced
More beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 10, Don't know when to say when
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my porch, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
My rocking chair, won't always be there
So I count on beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 11, but I'm still getting
More beer, more beer, more beer

I love my tools, I love my beer
But if I had to choose
If my power-drill exploded, I'd go get loaded
On beer, more beer, more beer

(CHORUS)
I just had 12, from off my shelf
More beer, more beer, more beer

As you can tell, I love my beer
I'm such a drunk, you see?
When I fall down, you can drink my next round
More beer, more beer, more beer!!

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:40 AM

Mary Ann

Tune: ??? Any suggestions - what will it go with???

Oh, Mary Ann had a leg like a man,
And a great big hole in her stocking,
A chest like a drum and a big fat bum,
And a hole to shove your cock in.
And when you shove it into her,
She cannot keep from laughing,
So, what do you say, lets go and play,
And let me put my staff in.

Oh, she jumped into bed and covered up her head,
And swore I could not find her.
But I knew damn well she lied like hell,
So I jumped right in behind her.
She shoved her feet right through the sheet,
And showed her sausage grinder;
So I rubbed my nuts against her guts,
And shoved it in behind her.

Well, the wind it flew and the gism flew,
It flew right up her nightie.
And then I bit the nipple of her teat,
Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty!
Well, I pumped her once and I pumped her twice,
And I pumped her once too often,
I broke a spring or some damn thing,
And now she's in her coffin.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:41 AM

Now I LOVE "Ghost Riders" or at least I did, until a MC discussion led me to understand it was nothing more than "Jonny Comes Marching Home" with a change in tempo. Here is another parody.

GHOST MAGOTS

Tune: Ghostriders in the Sky

The municipal sewerageman stood out upon the rim ('pon the rim, 'pon the rim),
The municipal sewerageman fell in and couldn't swim (couldn't swim, couldn't swim),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a stone,
You could hear the maggots cryin' out,
"You're on your fuckin' own."

CHORUS:
Shitty-i-ayyy, Shitty-i-ohhh,
Ghost maggots in the overflow (overflow, overflow).

For six long days and weary nights he tried to stay afloat (stay afloat, stay afloat),
But every time he cried for help,
A turd caught in his throat (in his throat, in his throat),
He sank down to the bottom,
He sank down like a rock,
You could hear the maggots,
Munchin' on his cock.

The moral of this story is if you should shovel shit (shovel shit, shovel shit),
Be careful of your footing,
Or you might end up in it (up in it, up in it),
You'll sink down to the bottom, (SLOWLY. . .)
You'll sink down like a stone,
You'll hear the maggots cryin' out,
WHEEEE-AAAAAH-WHEEEE,
"You're on your fuckin' own."

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:42 AM

So many of these would fall very well under the "medical thread" for diseases.

Mary Ann McCarthy
Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams.
Mary Ann McCarthy, she went out to dig some clams,
But she didn't get one son of a bitchin' clam,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters,
All she got was oysters, But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
She dug up all the mud there was in San Francisco Bay,
And all she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
All she ever got was crabs.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
She waded in the water till her ass dug the sand,
But all she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
All she ever got was piles.
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
She went to every party that the Army ever gave,
But all she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
All she ever got was clap,
But she never got one son of a bitchin' clam.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:45 AM

Another that would do well in the Medical Disease Thread,

MONKEY BOY - You may want to drop by the UCLA Medical Hospitol for help on the correct pronunciations.

Medical Love Song

From: Monty Python

Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile,
I've had ballanital chancroids for quite a little while,
I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June,
I ache for you my darling, and I hope you get well soon.

My penile warts, your herped, my syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more.
Your dobie's itch, my scrumpox, our lovely gonorrhea,
At least we both were lying, when we said that we were clear.

Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst,
You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist.
Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine,
I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochetes met mine.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis

My clapped out genitalia is not so bad for me,
As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee.
My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen,
My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green.

My heart is very tender though my parts are awful raw,
You might have been infected but you never were a bore.
I'm dying of your love my love, I'm you're spirochaetal clown,
I've left my body to science but I'm afraid they've turned it down.

CHORUS: Gonoccocal urethritis, streptococcal ballimitis,
Meningo meylitis, diplococcal cephalitis,
Epididimitis, intersititial keratitis,
Syphilitic choroiditis, and anterior u-ve-i-tis.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:46 AM

Within a previous MC discussion thread from July, 2000 we have a promise from GUEST-John Fineman Click here http://www.mudcat.org/Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=265885 for a Vicar/Tart song that never appeared.

Two days later we have a member Joe_F that gives us

Click here

However, here is perhaps the Scottish version (NOT in the DT) Mr. Fineman was searching for:

Monk of Great Renown

Tune: ??? Suggestions?

There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
There was a monk of great renown,
Who shagged an innocent maid from town.

CHORUS:
The old sod, the sod,
The bugger deserved to die.
Fuck him, shit him -
But first let us pray:
GLORY, GLORY, HALLELUJAH

His brother monks they cried in shame,
So he turned her over and fucked her again.

He met another by the mill,
And fucked and fucked her up the hill.

He met another in the hay,
And put her in the family way.
He took her to the Abbot's bed,
And fucked and fucked till she was dead.

But when the Abbot cried, "Amen,"
He fucked her back to life again.

His brother monks to stop his frolics,
Put a nail through this prick and cut off his ballocks.

And now the moral I will tell,
And now the moral I will tell,
When all the world just feels like hell,
Just fuck and fuck till all is well.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 04:48 AM

A simple tune known by most, easy to learn, good for Rugby

Favorite Things
Tune: A Few of My Favorite Things

MEN:
Middle and Pinky and Index and Ring,
Throw in the thumb and you've got the whole thing,
It works just fine and it's also quite safe,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dawn breaks,
When I wake up,
And it's feeling hard,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Penthouse and Playboy and something called Forum,
They're what I use to help start something going,
Centerfolds spread-eagled showing me pink,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm lonely,
Really lonely,
By myself again,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

WOMEN:
Dildos and vibrators and Vaseline jelly,
That's what I use to set fires in my belly,
In and out up and down making me wet,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Men are useless,
I don't need them,
I'm the best I've had,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Tight buns, silk undies, and erotic books,
Make me excitedó I'm starting to cook,
I stir me up and the honey will come,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When I'm thinking,
Of a hard cock,
But I don't see one,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that's when it feels so good.

Subject: I Used to Work In Chicago
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:07 AM

MonkeyBoy - We have Chicago in the DT, but here are some more of the verses you asked about

Chicago
Tune: The Bear Went Over the Mountain

CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
But I don't work there any more.

A lady came into the hatshop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt," she said, Felt her I did,

A lady came in for a water-bottle,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Rubber," she said, Rub her I did,

A lady came in for a sweater,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Jumper," she said, Jump her I did,

A lady came in for a ticket,
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said, Bang her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for a cake,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Layer," she said, Lay her I did,

A lady came in for a down quilt,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Goose," she said, Goose her I did,

A lady came in for some lamp oil,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Whale," she said, Sperm her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for a sleeper,
I asked, "What berth would you like?"
"Upper," she said, Up her I did,

A lady came in for some china,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Bone," she said, Bone her I did,

A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said, Grind her I did,

A lady came in for some gin,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Beefeater," she said, Eat her I did,

A woman came in for some service,
I asked, "How fast do you want it?"
"Quick," she said, Prick her I did,

A lady came in for a diskette,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Floppy," she said, Hard drive her I did,

A woman came in for a bath mat,
I asked "What size would you like?"
"Shower," she said, Show her I did,

A woman came in for a power drill,
I asked, "What brand would you like?"
"Black & Decker," she said, Deck her I did,

A lady came in for a drink,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Liquor," she said, Lick her I did,

A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said, Mount her I did,

A lady came in for some dish soap,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Johnson & Johnson," she said, My Johnson she got,

A woman came in for some wood shoes,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Clog," she said, Flog her I did,

A lady came in for a curtain,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Drape," she said, Rape her I did,

AND: a woman came in for a:
doughnut - glazed she wanted. cream filled she got
elevator - my shaft
carpet - laid
spring - BOINGed
screwdriver - screwed
hammer - nailed
T-bone - my boneless round
carpet - pile she wanted, shagged she got
gun - banged
nylons - hosed
floppy disk - my hard drive
metaphysical conversation - fucked
velvet - felt
liquor - lick her I did
bolts - my nuts
sailors - semen
ham - porked
cigarette - camel, humped
plastic - rubbers
plumbing - my pipe
pipe - hosed
stockings - hosing
liquid Plumber -pipes cleaned
canned ham - porked
gift wrapping - packed butter - spread
seafood - lobster , crabs
beer - 6-pack, ate
fabric - silk, felt

ALSO: a man came in for a:
balloon - blown
doughnut - my hole
lollipop - sucked
horse - ridden
carpet - shag he wanted, piles he got
wheels - rimmed
beer - Bush (w/visual aids)

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,Johnl
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:38 PM

You could also try "Clementine" to the tune "Bread of Heaven", aka "Cwm Rhondda". I know it's clean, but it's still fun, and you can experiment with male voice harmonies, always a big hit with rugby teams.

Subject: RE: Rugby Football Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 01:09 AM

As I Was Walking
Tune: The Old Hundredth

As I was walking through the wood,
I shat myself, I knew I would.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so I shat myself again.

As I was walking through Saint Pauls,
The vicar grabbed me by the balls.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he grabbed my balls again.

As I was walking through St. Giles,
Some bastard grabbed me by my piles.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
Ad so he grabbed my piles again.

As I was walking down the street,
A whore grabbed me by the meat.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so she grabbed my meat again.

As I lay sleeping in the grass,
Some bastard rammed it up my ass.
I cried for HELP! but no help came,
And so he rammed it up again.