BS: Tips for living well

Subject: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 10:28 AM

I'm feeling a bit depressed and wanted to hear ideas and observations about anything good, fun, or merely decent.
   The writer Joyce Carol Oates once said she loved doing research for fiction because it was the only part of writing that was blameless, there was not any seed of her faults in it.

   I can't think of much right now. Um, it's fun with kids to make a big drama out of nothing. Like when my kids had a drink called a Pink Panther at Lynne's Paradise Cafe, I made a great piece of espionage of knowing a guy inside, a mole, who got me the recipe. And at the grocery we tried to space the ingredients apart so nobody got wind of what we were doing. Taught them to be "surrepticious" (if not how to spell it). Drew the curtains, and made a batch. Ah.

A patch of woods to walk in is good, to detox from an absurd job, or stress. Puts you in a different place.

   Sex when it goes especially well, hard to top that. Any advice?

   A new way to cook a potato is usually a good thing.

   Friends I only see every year or so--make me feel a little less dull, because I've maybe thought of something new to say since I last saw them. That's a lift.

One day of the week going pretty successfully, that's not a bad deal, all in all.                            Fred

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: black walnut
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 10:55 AM

Take a walk without wearing a watch.

Go to a concert of a performer or a style of music you've never heard before.

Listen to news and weather reports only once a day. Imagine all the extra time for reading, writing, playing, talking, thinking....

~b.w.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: jimmyt
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:06 AM

I try to see the good in people and places, not just how they are different from me in a a negative way. I was in a little outdoor cafe overlooking a castle in Luxembourg once and it was absolutely delightful in every way except the lady at the next table, a tourist from Ohio. She complained because they didn't put enough ice in her drink, she complained because the sandwich she had ordered didn't have sprouts, she complained about all the tourists! I try to remember this person as she represents what we all sometimes do daily in life. We miss the obvious good points and dwell on the bad ones. Find something to appreciate. Everyday we make choices on whether we will approach every life situation in a positive or negative way. I choose to make it positive. I know this will be hard advice for you to take from such a conservative!   grin

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:17 AM

Sometimes, if it's really bad, distractions will get you a bit outside of yourself so you can ride it out. Depression of the non-intolerable pathological type are normal, maybe even necessary. You can fight them or you can just give in and not get dressed until noon, if at all, eat ice cream and read all day. Well, maybe not if you have kids.

I started making beaded jewelry a few years ago, then I stopped. I had all these beads, but I'd look at them and not be able to figure out what I wanted to make. A couple of weeks ago I got them out and just started stringing and unstringing various combinations. That's what I'd needed to do all along - just try putting something together. I've made a few necklaces and a couple of pairs of earrings since.

I think keeping my hands busy helps as I can get into an almost meditative state. Finishing anything helps. The best part though is looking at and handling all the various colors, shapes and textures. I'm a color nut. Even when I can't get excited about anything else, that basic love of colors and how they play off one another remains.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:18 AM

Starting this thread was a good idea, for one thing!

Get out in the garden - grow vegetables.

Have a coffee and a chat and a sing with a friend on the verandah, and watch the world go by.

A friend of mine had an idea of keeping a gratitude book. Each day you write down three things you are thankful for, then you write "I send energy and healing to .....(one thing or person)" It's easy to do when things are going well, but the real value of it is to do it when they are not, and you have to rack your brains to think of three things. A few years ago I did it when I broke my ankle, and I had the flatmate from hell, and no money, and it changed the way I looked at things and reminded me of all the positive things in my life. It really got me through a tough time. Worth a try!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:36 AM

(Great thread idea). Here are some that have come to me over the years:

(1) Buy hard cover copies of the "big books", even if you have paperback versions. A good library of 100 books, a decent Shakespeare, Dante, Oxford Book of English verse, OED, is comforting, looks good, and they wear well over the years. There are many books now that have excellent notes (Norton's for instance) which mean that you don't need a huge reference library, and though the versions in the stores are usually paperbacks, you can order the hardcovers.

(2) If you aren't good at filing, get those magazine file boxes: minimal work, but some order.

(3) Always have some food in the house, even if it is only cans of soup and stuff. You will save money.

(4) Go to movies on Sunday nights, no one else is there, and if people are there, they are usually quiet -- the idiots go on Friday and Saturday nights.

(5) A generalization from (4) -- if you are not big on people, and you like your city empty, organize everything away from peak hours (if you can do it). This can completely transform your daily experience.

(6) Take music lessons from Rick Fielding.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: khandu
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:42 AM

Take a child for an adventure. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It can be a rather simple thing but your imagination can make it a grand adventure that the child (and you!) will treasure forever.

Remember "simplicity". The simplicity of giving someone something to smile about. The simplicity of laughter, music etc.

The simplicity of letting someone know you love them by daring to tell them through your words and your actions.

Do something outside your routine! Break into a tap dance. Stop the car and go play in the road construction's sand pile. Write a ridiculous song or short story and let someone else hear it.

Dare to LIVE!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Peg
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:56 AM

great thread! I am also a color nut, Jeri, and get excited by many things involving color: films, paintings, gardens, clothes, cities, shops, flowers, fabrics, foods, forests, etc. Have you read the book Chroma by Derek Jarman? It's a fascinating book on color. I also have Derek Jarman's Garden, a great photography book. Jarman was a filmmaker who died of AIDS. I thnk Chroma is out of print but I sometimes have my students read excerpts from it so I could send you some if you like. It's arranged in chapters about color: Green Fingers, Grey Matter, Seeing Red, etc.)

my own list:

1) Walk outside at least once a day. In nature if possible, but cities have their own way of helping you unwind. Look for something beautiful, or at least interesting. Vary your route, but also watch for how your same route changes with the seasons or weather or time of day.

2) Eat as well as you can afford to. Fresh, organic produce and humanely-raised meats. Cook for yourself; very satisfying and easy once you get the hang of it. Libraries and used bookstores are full of cookbooks. Eat to live but don't live to eat.

3) Learn to love thrift shops. The amount of money one can save buying previously-owned (but sometimes never-used) clothing or household items is staggering! If you, like most people, are not wealthy, you'll be able to afford to travel or other "luxuries."

4) Travel. Near, or far. nothing quite beats going to another place for some fresh perspective and mind/soul expansion.

5) Cultivate some close friendships. No one needs a huge gaggle of pals and most of us don't have time for it. But having a few people you can call anytime for a chat or get-together, this is priceless.

6) Read. Re-read old favorites, tackle something new. The library is one of the greatest concepts know to man. Keep that mind working. Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a while.

7) Music, of course. Listen, play, sing. Plenty of opportunities to hear live music for free in cities, but if there's isn't much music where you are consider starting a folk circle or music appreciation group...

8) Be thankful, every day. You ARE fortunate, even if it does not seem so most days. If you have your health, a home, friends, family, a livelihood, food on the table, and something that makes you happy, well, you have more than a whole lot of people on Planet Earth. If you are very fortunate and are talented, attractive, energetic, blessed with friends, and possessed of more than you need to live comfortably, consider sharing some of those gifts with others.

9) Work for change. Don't just complain, or resign yourself to misery. There are some who literally can't help themselves. You can be of use, somewhere.

10) Last but not least: DON'T LITTER! And, within reason, suggest that those who do should pick up after themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 11:58 AM

Standing out in the parking lot, with the gear packed, letting the cold, snowy, 1 AM, wind blow the stank of a rough gig off'n ya... deep breath, and then a quick drive to meet good mates for last call...

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Morticia
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 12:41 PM

I had the blues today....a phone call from a good friend turned it around.....if no-one phones you, phone them.I also went to see a show a friend was in and have now decided to take up tap dancing...something new and fresh is always good.What have you always wanted to learn/do that you haven't yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: leprechaun
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 01:06 PM

Fred,

That sex thing. That's a good idea! I'll be back in a minute.



There. OK. Um.

I forgot what I was thinking about.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 01:10 PM

Peg- EXACTLY! Thanks for the tip on the book, it sounds interesting.

After I posted the above message, I went down in the basement and retreived the Fimo 'clay' I'd bought something like 10 years ago. I'm up to my elbows in it now. The stuff is great because you can make beads (what I'm doing). You can chop it up in little pieces and make mosaics, roll it out in the traditional clay 'worm' and make lines of color or swirlies. Cut it up into cutle little beads or big macho ones, poke holes in them and bake it. You can make little clay pictures or sculptures. It's possibly less messy than Pink Panthers.

I think the whole point, at least for the short term, is to keep your mind as busy as your hands and wake that little spark of interest that lies under all the darkness. It doesn't have to be an "Oh, WOW," but a "Hmmm..." - especially if that's all you can manage.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 01:12 PM

My favorite R&R (indulged in on a very regular basis) is water therapy -- long bubble baths. Nice scent in the tub, complimentary incense, a large margarita to sip (refreshed at the right time by Curmudgeon), and a good book (a paperback protected by a naugahyde cover) to read (Currently "The White Nile"). Music drifting up from downstairs. In warmer weather when the door doesn't have to be closed to contain the heat, Sabine, my black cat, sometimes joins me -- by perching on my, uh, "shelf" and placing her body so I can neither read nor sip my drink. My cat Foolish used to curl up on the floor next to the bath to keep me company.

I live on 33 acres of trees and rocks on a hillside, but I don't get a chance to walk our land often enough. There's a couple great rocks to sit on, away from the world. Need to remind myself to escape the garden and get out into the great beyond. I also need to make time to walk the 3, 4 or 6 mile loops on the roads -- including the logging road that goes through the marsh -- around our place. That's one of the best stress relievers and sanity savers around -- surpassed only by walking on the beach, which is also very do-able around here (except during tourist season). We're only 30 miles from New Hampshire's coast; I just have to remind myself more often that it's an option to take the scenic route home and take a walk as well.

Digging in the dirt, whether to grow flowers or vegetables or just rearranging the landscape a little bit. And then resting (with a book and a lemonade) in the hammock in the "room" under the hemlocks on the bank behind the back flower bed, while watching the hummingbirds, dragonflies and butterflies.

Lunch with friends (cheaper than a shrink), phone calls to friends, music with friends. And writing letters, real letters, not just e-mails. I just bought a bunch of postcard stamps -- everybody loves getting postcards.

The way I earn my living is in a creative field, so I also have to remind myself to make time for my own personal creative projects, too.

Pet your cat (dog, goat, guinea pig, vole) and not think of anything else but petting your pet.

Pet your darlin', too.

Nice thread . . .

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 02:32 PM

Great thread. Thanks, Fred.

When my system gets tight, when my stomach seems in a knot, if I can get totally absorbed in something, whether it's only for a moment of really gazing at the mountains all around us, or for an hour or two of working on a tune or an arrangement on the guitar with a good friend, my knots unkink and I think Ah, life is good.

Last night was a gift like that. I went to a concert with three opening acts and it was all GREAT. Buddy Tabor, a mostly unknown outside Alaska songwriter, was fronted by two singles and one duo before he came on and gave us about two hours himself. The whole thing last almost 4 hours with just a short break but it was wonderful. I'll be able to feed off that one for quite awhile.

This whole thread is restful.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Dave Swan
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 02:54 PM

Jeri,

Fimo is great stuff. A friend of mine used to make Fimo food jewelry. He'd make tiny tacos (tortilla, lettuce, rice, beans, guac, et al), pizzas, slices of pie, that sort of thing. He'd put a pin back on them and give them to friends. Several of us got into it and had a great time making itty-bitty foodstuffs. Give it a shot, I'm smiling remembering it.
D

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: gnu
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 03:16 PM

Peg said... Cultivate some close friendships... "Cultivate." How true. And how rewarding.

Go out of your way to do a good deed. One of those "random acts of kindness" can make you feel good all day. I was driving a senior home from shopping yesterday and saw a van with its lights on in the parking lot. I slowed to see if the van was locked and the senior said I shouldn't concern myself because someone might think I was stealing or something. I almost didn't stop, but there's just something inside me that can't let a thing like that go by. Hey - I would never steal anything anyway, so how could I get into any kind of trouble ? After I had shut the lights off and we started on our way again, I turned and said, "There wasn't anything worth stealing." Not only did I get a good feeling from saving the van owner a dead battery, I got a heck of a laugh from the old girl.... made my day. Not much effort. Great reward.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 03:23 PM

This seems to be working out, thanks everyone.
   Jimmyt, I'm just kinda pleased you remembered me from those political threads, and that you don't avoid talking to me because of it. That would be negative.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: jimmyt
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 03:31 PM

Fred, Why would I avoid talking with you? You are a very thoughtful person whom just happens to see some things different than I do. It would be a boring world if we always agreed, wouldn't it? Hope you are starting to get on track. We all have those moments and i think it is absolutely lifechanging to find out just how many people actually do care about you!(you old leftest) signing off

                                                    from the right,
                                                       Jimmyt

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: open mike
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 04:23 PM

read the little book Randon acts of kindness
nad senseless acts of beuaty...full of littel
things you can do to turn around the moment.
small kindnesses and unexpected favors you can
do which might even inspire others to follow up
with their own .... putting money in a parking meter
which has expired to save someone from getting
a ticket, sharing, surprising, inventing, helping,'
doing little things that make someone's day and
invite someone to a meal, sing a song on their
answering machine, take a deep breath, recycle,
offer to help a neighbor, volunteer to help you
favorite radio station at pledge drive time, or
song a song for them, give blood, become a vegetarian,
go to the humane society or pound and take a dog
for a walk to brighten it's day. Research you family
tree and connect with a relative that you do not know
well (yet) , bring someone a flower...send a valentine...
Laurel

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 05:01 PM

Try to see the other's point of view, especially if it's political. Maybe it will expand your own thinking. If you reject it, do so for good reasons, not because of your own prejudices.

Remember that EVERYTHING will pass -- and at the same time, remember that not only is it a circle, but that EVERYTHING touchs.

Smile at a child in a store or a restaurant or (especially) in a doctor's or dentist's office (sorry, jimmyt).

Try to really understand a flower or a rock or a story or a book. Then try to do the same for a human being.

Take time to marvel and wonder.

Sing. Make music.

Make someone else laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 05:48 PM

Well, here's what I did thus far. "Invented" brass clips for mounting hot wheels track to the wall, with those sticky hanger clips. Posted my first tab to the web, which makes me feel less guilty about finding helpful posts without ever taking time to contribute. Read a couple of Vaclav Havel plays--Czech politics aside that guy is quite funny.
   I think I finally got my falafel and tahini perfected, and don't have to go down the street for it anymore. It's kind of like grilled cheese--timing is everything.
I meant to walk and play harmonica, which I used to do to build my breathing, but have a sinus headache and can't manage it.
   There's a book by Amy @#$#%^&* (pronounced "decision") called the tightwad gazette, which has advice for living well without spending money about it. It had some fun things, not all of them would suit everyone.
   I'm trying to give myself permission, still, to not be ambitious, which I am not. But I have kids and keep thinking I should try to make a few bucks, sometime. I try to think of my greatest hopes and aspirations and... ...wind up daydreaming, thinking of things that were funny, my favorite foods, being a connoiseur of Weather, being a hugely resourceful waster of time.

I'm trying to learn digital stuff, bought a camera and an all-in-one, and don't naturally play with computer stuff. There's a fine line between It's amazing what you can do! and It's amazing all the ways it can Not Work! After a few weeks of trouble and realizing I'm really going to have to learn it, like a language, I guess I feel I'm running in place. High point was killing the KlezH virus--got a bag of popcorn and sat down to watch it die, file by file. Yah. But I'm getting invasive pop-up ads offering a service to get rid of pop-up ads. I could kill those people, like Dustin Hoffman in Straw Dogs killed the Rat-man, who raised rats and was an exterminator.

   I thought of a few of my own tips for sex, but am too shy (or rather I pretend I am) and, just like the money-saving ideas in the book I mentioned, they don't work for everyone.

   It picks me up that people seem to like this thread--I've had a few sink like stones into the mudcat silt--not terrible, but oh, well. Especially nice to have responses which seem to take the thread up a little bit personally--I don't know any y'all catters off-line and I don't get out much. Makes me think of all the great threads and brilliant posts I've enjoyed without ever saying so, or responding to. But then, the person whose battery you save, or meter you pay, never thanks you, but it's still good. (thanks)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: *daylia*
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 05:55 PM

And find reasons to laugh a LOT! If they get hard to come by, then invent your own. Creative humour is such a joy ...

I find that taking the time to recognize and be grateful for all the mundane everyday things that are so easy to take for granted - like the air I breathe, and the food I eat (as well as the plants and animals whose lives were given that I might eat), and my rewarding job, and my comfortable bed, and the people who smile with me on the street, and the wonders of nature right outside my door etc. etc. - these are the things that help me remember my life is a MIRACLE and a priviledge, no matter what else is going on around me.

Lots of wonderful stuff above - thanks to all for posting.

daylia

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Feb 03 - 06:17 PM

A couple more simple ones:

(1) Go and buy yourself a pair of very long scissors (try a hardware or dressmakers store) and a big box of file folders. Actively read your morning paper or magazine or whatever, and cut things out, file them, copy them, send them. This has been endlessly useful for me, and it also gives you a chance to do kindergarten stuff. Also you get to slice newspapers, which is good too. The big scissors really make it into a good ritual (be sure and catch the date and name of the paper, or write it in, otherwise you will curse yourself later)


(2) Take a taxi. I spent years not taking taxis because I thought they were a waste of money. They are expensive, but they are nice to splurge on sometimes, and they often get you home earlier and faster, thus giving you more home time. If money is time, taking a taxi is one of the best ways to spend it.


(3) BUY EAR PLUGS. This has saved me endless amounts of grief when travelling. When you are travelling, they can make the difference between a good night's sleep and no sleep in bad hotels, flying pleasantly on a plane with a screaming baby 4 rows ahead, and generally they cut down on the noise of airports, TV's., restaurant music, and you name it.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Mad Tom
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 03:24 AM

- Mark your calendar with the dates of annual meteor showers [see AMS Meteor Showers page] and make a point of going out to watch for them.

- Only listen to a radio with vacuum tubes, not transistors. (My addiction to tube radios is documented here: northernelectric.ca)

- Get to a library with microfilm archives of old newspapers, and find out what was going on in history while it was still "current events". They didn't know how any of it turned out. It's best if the viewers have a photocopier attachment so you can print off amusing articles and ads. ("Now even a man can make coffee in minutes!" - late '30s ad for instant coffee.)

- Marvel at the patterns of frost on the window. If you have a digital camera, take a picture and make it your computer desktop image.

- Never watch "live" TV. Stock up on blank tapes, learn to program the VCR, and watch only what you want when you want.

- Build a trebuchet and hurl something.

- If you're in the habit of listening to, say, early 20th century chamber music, astound your children by listening to, say, "Nine Inch Nails".

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: BlueJay
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 03:49 AM

Sledding! Here in Colorado, we've been in a major drought for a few years. We finally got a good snow the other day, so in spite of my objections, my wife took the kids to a notorious hill outside of town. Curious, I soon followed. I soon found my 51 year old ass hurtling down an extreme slope, with my wife blocking traffic below. By the end of the day, we only had two minor injuries. My wife bruised her hand pretty bad, and my six year old said she hurt her arm, though I really think she was just cold. We were only using the cheap plastic sleds. This weekend, we're off in search of the real sleds with steel runners! BlueJay

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 06:47 AM

I forgot one, Blue Jay reminded me: Do something childish. Do it often.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 08:51 AM

Mad Tom, and other Mad Catters, you might like a book called Banvard's Folly, by Paul Collins, which is 13 essays about now-obscure historical topics--things that didn't work out. A very fun book.

I do the taping thing, and have started to make a few of my own movies by collaging scenes from other movies with interelated subjects, odd links. I've run out of movies I feel like seeing, for a while.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: JenEllen
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 11:44 AM

What a nice thread, and some great ideas. Some of my personal ones:

Be kind to yourself by being kind to other people. Kindness leads one to become much less tense, and it virtually eliminates wrinkles! (adds laugh lines, tho)

If you haven't touched it in 6mos, give it away. There are plenty of people who can actively use all those things around your house that you've been ignoring (where is that food dehydrator?)

Don't drive anywhere by yourself. Use carpools, shop with friends, and remember every turn of the ignition key destroys. Besides, walking home with an armload qualifies as.....

Work hard every day! One piece of strenuous labour--every day. If you work hard, you sleep well, and begin living better the very next day.

Cultivate a friendship wih someone older than yourself, and with someone younger than yourself. You get a better understanding of where you're going and where you've been.

Don't buy books you'll never read. Think how many trees ended their lives as by becomming coffee table books about art and architecture. You aren't fooling anyone, your friends, families, and prospective dates already know what a loser you are...save a tree instead. Also, share what you DO buy to read. The more hands a book passes through, the better.

Boycott movie theatres entirely. Nothing is as important or earth-shattering as the media makes it seem. Also, for things you 'have' to see, for about the same price as a 'date nite' at the movies, you can just wait a few months and buy the videotape. If the movie isn't a keeper for you, give it to a friend or donate it to the library so that other people can see it.

Try and make the food you eat as 'close to dirt' as possible.   The fewer the steps between how the food started and how it ended on your plate, the greater your chances for a healthy diet. As a by-product of this, more of the money you spend on food ends up with the farmers and ranchers (and not big-business)

Whatever way your sense of humour bends, find a reason to laugh every day. Not just chuckles, BIG BELLY LAUGHS. Don't forget to laugh at yourself too.

Fall in love at least once a day. A beautiful sunset, a puppy, the UPS guy with the cute knees, whatever, the key is in turning your focus outwards. The only way you can truly die is when your heart quits going pitty-pat.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: open mike
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 11:59 AM

from an e-mail i got today with advice from the dalai lama

                           GOOD KARMA

Interesting suggestion about how to handle life..


                         G O O D   K A R M A

This is nice reading, but short. Enjoy! This is what The Dalai Lama has
to
say on the millennium. All it takes is a few seconds to read and think
over.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE



1.       Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

2.       When you lose, don't lose the lesson..

3.       Follow the three R's:

*   Respect for self,

*   Respect for others, and

*   Responsibility for all your actions.

4.         Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5.       Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6.       Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7.       When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8.       Spend some time alone every day.

9.       Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10.    Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11.       Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12.    A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13.       In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current
situation. Don't bring up the past.

14.    Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15.    Be gentle with the earth.

16.    Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17.       Remember that the best relationship is one in which your          love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18.    Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get      it.

19.    Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,Lady Penelope at work
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 12:17 PM

I love this poem, it kinda sums some of this up...

Leisure.

"What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich the smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare."

William H Davies (1871-1940)

On the other hand, I've always believed in the theraputic powers of blowing bubbles.....

Great thread, great suggestions....

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: *daylia*
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 12:36 PM

Lady Penelope, I love the poem! I'm going to run off a copy of it right now - thank you so much!

:-)   daylia

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: YOR
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 01:11 PM

Hey Fred, Hope your feeling better today. Your a member now, cool.

I like Open Mike's list.

My list:

Do something really really important with your time. Like spending a cold winter weekend building a jigsaw puzzle with the wife and kids, eating pretzels and ice cream and listening to tunes (all at the same time of course).

Field trip to Home Depot, Loews, Best Buy AND Circuit City. Yes, all of them! Don't use the credit card.

Build something (I do woodworking) or do something around the house that shows. Yeah I did that! feels good.

One word: Blockbuster.

One more word: Elvis.

Take a Nap. Or better yet, sex then a nap, or the other way around.

And Don't don't watch your favorite basketball team lose 2 in a row. Dang Terps!

Enjoy, Roy

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Wesley S
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 01:26 PM

Nothing makes me feel like I'm living well more than getting down on the floor to play with my two year old. All I have to do is flail my arms and legs around begging for mercy and Brendan will "attack" me - giggleing and laughing like crazy. And that sounds sweeter than a pre-war Martin any day of the week.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Peter T.
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 02:10 PM

I would be extremely surprised if those suggestions come from the Dalai Lama. I suspect they are like all those quotes from Yogi Berra and Winston Churchill. yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 02:30 PM

for an interesting hour..or day...or...*grin*...change the thread number up above and click...like, change
http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=56606&messages=34 to
http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=566...which takes you WAY back....read at random until you get an idea ....

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: MMario
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 02:42 PM

Bill - some people would tell you that that suggestion, well...it's just sad.

'course what's even sadder is that I've been doing that for years!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: leprechaun
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 03:26 PM

Today I was walking through City Hall and somebody had made some popcorn. The smell was wafting through the whole place. I thought, "I love the smell of popcorn." I decided then and there to post that sentence on Fred's thread. So here I am, home for lunch, and reading through the latest posts. There's Fred himself, talking about eating popcorn.

Eureka! We've found it!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 03:31 PM

Great thread, great suggestions! Thanks, Fred!

Jeri, I haven't had my beads out for over a year. You've inspired me! I've been thinking it was about time I went back to them, after we went to a great rock shop this weekend past. I know what you mean. I get into a meditative state when I start working with the beads and colours, etc. Just as you and Peg mention. BTW, have any of oyu ever tried Precious Metal Clay? I haven't, yet, but I mean to; real silver clay which, in a pinch, you can fire with a heat gun AND shape it into anything you want. All of the gallery pictures are made with it!

I don't have a lot to add to what has already been said, except to mention a few other specifics such as water colours. Thanks to JenEllen, I tried them out this past year and had a blast. Still working with them and it is GREAT relaxation. Crayons and colouring books are fun, too.

Also, for those who live away from others, make a time to meet on PalTalk or Mudchat, in a private room, and read poetry, stories, etc. to one another, or just visit.

An attitude of gratitiude sounds trite, but it works! I give thanks for all that we have, all that we give, and all that we receive, just before I go to bed and when I awake in the morning.

Smile at complete strangers, esp. older folks. It is just brill to see their faces light up as they realise you mean it for them and they return the favour. (Of course, you have to be careful doing this in some areas of some places!)

Do genealogy research for others, as well. It's a blast to hear a bit about their families and to share what resources you have.

Give out "coupons" to friends and family, good for whatever tasks, etc. that you are available for, i.e. "one night's free babysitting," "one special supper prepared," etc.

Surprise someone by doing something for them when they least expect it, esp. if it is something they've not asked for but that you know they will enjoy.

Join the folks at book crossing and track the journey your books take when you give them away.

Take time out, take time out, take time out. On the road from birth to death nothing, short of a medical emergency, is so urgent that you cannot take a moment out to breath deeply, refocus, balance, listen, see, feel the Universe all around you.

Don't beat yourself up if you can't bring yourself to do some of these things.**bg** Do what you can and try to increase it as you are ready.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 03:51 PM

I do childish things all the time! I like to buy boxes of cereal with toys in them. I do eat the cereal, of course, but the first thing I do is dig around in the box for the prize.

Agent Cooper on Twin Peaks used to say, once a day, every day, give yourself a present. I try to live by that philosophy, even if the present is nothing more than singing at the top of my lungs to a favorite song in the car.

Like many of you, I also enjoy making things. Last year I started teaching myself Chinese calligraphy, and I've really had a lot of fun with that.

I've found that tattoos are also strangely therapeutic. They do hurt, sure, but when you're done, you have something pretty to show for it. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Frankham
Date: 10 Feb 03 - 08:51 PM

If you have a bout of depression, one best remedy is to do physical excercise. Find something you like..swimming, hiking, biking, weight training (careful here...you overdo and get hurt), fast walking, skip rope....and stick to a schedule to do it regularly. Also the sex part as suggested is good!!!!

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 12:25 AM

Another thing we both enjoy doing is go for a drive. We try to go on different routes each time, look for special scenery, architecture, etc., take photographs and just enjoy the time together.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 01:06 AM

Here's a real simple one, Fred:

** Find something you can do. Do it. Repeat until happy.

And here's another:

** Find something you'd like to communicate, and communicate it.

And here's another, inspired in part by that beautiful list of JE's up there:

** Do something that has an effect   that another can experience easily. Find something that you can acknowledge in another, and acknowledge it.

** Admire something. Repeat until cheerful.

And in between give yerself a hug for starting a neat thread.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: mg
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 02:37 AM

set up your housekeeping so that you don't have to do to much of it and hire it done if you have money but no time. Get rid of clutter. Someone can use it right now. Have no wall to wall carpet. It is a trap for mold and filth. Don't collect things. Don't shop for exclusive items that are irreplaceable. Get some pretty things from the store and if they get broken replace them. Have furniture that rolls or folds up and can be moved easily. Don't have dust collectors in terms of figurines, heavy drapes etc. Don't have anything you can't wash. Then you'll have time for fun stuff..which is necessary stuff. And no guilt that comes from thinking you should be waxing the refrigerator or something. Oh, refrigerator tip..hide the vegetable drawers if you are prone to having things rot there. Just put in some tupperware for your veggies and if things go bad you can just throw it in the dishwasher..mg

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Allan C.
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 11:59 AM

Give something nice to somebody for no particular reason. Repeat often; but not necessarily to the same person.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: YOR
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 12:15 PM

The housekeeping idea is a good one, but by all means do not watch or read Martha Stewart. No one can live up to that standard.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 12:18 PM

Tell somebody you love them.

I was on the phone with my best friend yesterday, and her little 3-year-old daughter got on the phone with me. She was chattering about watching a Mr. Bean video, and then she said, I love you.

Children are sweet that way. At what point do we, as adults, decide it isn't okay to say I love you to someone with whom we don't share romance or family?

I have a couple of friends who aren't shy in that regard. And since my father died, and since September 11, I have become less shy about it myself.

It's easy for us to say to ourselves, well, so-and-so knows that I love them. And they probably do. But it's nice to be told once in awhile anyway.

On a more earthy note - taking care of your body is always good, and it's never too late to do at least a little something. Make sure you eat good food. Healthy, whole food is tasty. And move around some. I've been doing yoga pretty regularly the last few months and golly, I feel fantastic.

Laugh at something. Don't be afraid to be silly. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Tinker
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 01:21 PM

Find a book you've always meant to read and actually read it. (In my case it's probably alredy on the shelves) Dance. A two-step, a waltz or even a jitterbug, let yourself move with the music and let your entire body sing.... Yeah, that sex stuff fits here too.

Buy a few sheets of beautiful paper at the art store and write a letter to someone who doesn't expect it. Really share a couple of everyday moments and give them a glimpse of you. It helps me actually remember how good those moments were too.

Pamper yourself a little. For one evening treat your body like a temple cleanse and annoint and care for it. Bubble baths, facials, manicures, oh yeah, and if you can involve a loved one and care for each other --even better.

Haved a loved one teach you something they love... My teenaged boys love helping me through video games.... I'm a class one klutz at it, but I start to understand the addictiveness, and we all get some great giggles out of the process.

Breathe

Oh, and I bypass the tupperware and put it in ziplock bags. When the food gets bad the container and all are cleanly dumped. No fuss no muss, no allergic reactions to the mess.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Beccy
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 01:27 PM

Anything with lemon in it makes me happy!

...or blueberries, or raspberries, or blackberries, or strawberries... Mmmmmmmmmmmm... It'll take you right out of the winter blahs.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 01:56 PM

I find that letting rip with a good loud yodel really helps!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 02:33 PM

Hey Roy, thanks again for linking me here. Took me awhile to figure out I had to explain to my computer to let me be a member, it kept blocking it.
Beccy, if you like anything with lemon in it, do you like sesame tahini? There's something about the dark, obscure sesame and garlic tastes mixed with the blatant freshness of lemon, and cucumber. It's like balancing that last impossible piece on top of a a tower of wood blocks--then eating it. Well, the metaphor went tumbling down, but anyway it tastes good.

Chocolate and oranges. Good oranges.

Apples and walnuts. Guess I'm hungry, these tips for eating well.

(pause while I pretend to be shy, and refrain from a juvenile remark.)

Went on a field trip this morning with both my kids to a museum where I used to work, before I promoted myself to ex-employee, and I must say it is nice not to have some jobs I used to have. Maybe it's perverse to say so, but there is nothing like the feeling of quitting a job. Looking back I think I must've taken some jobs just to look forward to quitting them. Sometimes it's like planning a wedding--you want it to go just right, smooth, settled, no bad energy when you walk out the door. Here's to things that are just not your problem anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 04:22 PM

Fred, what do you do? Just mix lemon juice in with the tahini? Or drizzle it on top?

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 05:05 PM

Well--hi KimC! cool--um, you start with about a cup of dark sticky sesame tahini, the gluey unadulterated stuff, about a dime-sized dab of minced or pressed garlic, a half cup death-grip squeezed lemon juice, and add water just to get a dressing consistency. It tends to thicken up again more than one expects, and the lemon seems to bleach it. It's good on salads, falafel pitas, (don't over-cook falafel, even if like me you like other things a little blackened) and really, it is the essence of good fresh hommos. Took me a while to learn that the chick pea and fava bean paste is merely an extender you throw into hummos, to soak up the counter-balanced flavors. Too much of it is doughy and like store-bought ready-made stuff. I kept trying to beat a local restaurant, and finally did. The rest is a very careful balancing act between those and other ingredients you might put in. Cant be formulated, only achieved, by groping somewhat blind.
One problem is the garlic fools you. One disaster taught me that I keep thinking it needs just a little more. I aquire an immunity if I taste it too often. And later when I opened the bowl the air went wavey like when you pump gas or have a flash-back with old tv special effects. A little too much.

(Also, don't get lexographically confused and use le mot just, instead of lemon juice. "The right word" has no taste at all, I found out.)

So you must learn to aim the particular rifle, your taste, according to it's erroneous tendencies. I'm a little shy to post this, it's pretty basic, and many people probably cook more and better than I, but it's one thing I can do, that I like. Maybe someone else will.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Beccy
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 05:18 PM

Okay, Fred. Now you've made me hungry. You beast. But you've also done something much more dangerous. My family and friends call me "The Food Evangelist" due to my proclivity for discussing, well, FOOD!

I just finished whipping up a batch of Lindamood Caviar (my surname and something that the recipe is really not!)
2 cans drained rinsed black eyed peas
1 can drained corn
1 jar pimentos, chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped
1 red or sweet onion, chopped
8 oz. italian dressing
3 large fresh jalapenos, seeded and minced
1 can diced tomatoes and chilis
handful of fresh cilantro and parsley, chopped
1 fresh lime- squeezed until it cries for mercy.

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl, stir gently, cover and refrigerate overnight. Unbutton pants, lean back and serve with tortilla chips or corn chips (and beer if you have it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Beccy
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 05:19 PM

Oh and tahini? LOVE IT!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 05:45 PM

Ha! Oh, and what I said about people probably doing it more and better than I--that goes for other things too.

Beccy you reminded me of my son's little cilantro crop. My brother was going on and on about my daughter's big ol' squash, while my poor little boy kept pacing about, waving his arms, saying What about my cilantro? Can't you see my cilantro?! He was only four, and my brother wouldn't know cilantro if he smoked it in a bong.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: vindelis
Date: 11 Feb 03 - 06:31 PM

Remember two things A) Life denies perfection and B) Worrying is a non productive exercise. The first is great when people are getting at you, the second is harder to see if you are really feeling down, but is true.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 01:51 PM

I have never been able to grow cilantro. Waaaah. However I am pleased to say that most of our groceries now have fresh herbs, even if they are a little expensive.

I will have to try that tahini thing. I happen to have some tahini left over from when I made some Mediterranean chicken thing. And I always have garlic in the pantry!

Here's another tip for living well - if one person pisses you off, just think about someone else who has recently been nice to you. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: harpgirl
Date: 12 Feb 03 - 04:57 PM

..a psychological tip for living well....

Focus and maintain your attention on and in the present. Thinking about the future contributes greatly to anxiety. Thinking about the past contributes to depression, regrets, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 09:47 AM

Yes, but allow me to have something to look forward to, and those odd moments of memory that crop up uninvited, and color everything fresh.

Came back to print Beccy's recipe, and thought of something fun. Figure out a way to say something nobody says, well enough that someone will seem to know what you mean. Then smile at each other, if possible.

I'm sure everyone got that my tahini post was just a metaphor for sex, right? The balancing, placing the last impossible piece on a tower of blocks before it comes crashing down? Can only be achieved, by groping, can't be formulated? ...come on, "tahini" even sounds a little naughty... right? And surely nobody really thinks a guy like me is allowed to have kids, or that there's a place here called Lynne's Paradise Cafe that serves "pink Panthers"? Imagine.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Kim C
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 09:55 AM

Oh come on now Fred. There's all kinds of cool restaurants that serve fancy juice drinks to kids with paper umbrellas in em. I used to get em when I was a wee lassie.

Tahini. Rhymes with wahine. Reminds me of Let's Talk Dirty in Hawaiian. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Sam L
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 12:06 PM

Oh all right, there is, it's very cool, and if you are ever in Louisville, you should go. And to Pita Delights across the street. And I was allowed to have kids, although I'm still a bit shocked by that.

But the rest is left open to literal and other interpretations.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Beccy
Date: 13 Feb 03 - 04:50 PM

Fred- Lemme know how you like it!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Art Thieme
Date: 14 Feb 03 - 01:17 PM

Make the most of all that comes, and the least of all that goes. Not always easy---but practice makes perfect. Life, being a series of losses----is a serious instructor.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Deda
Date: 14 Feb 03 - 04:27 PM

Fred - an excellent thread, everybody needs one like this at one time or another.

Three rules I've picked up in the last decade or so:

- Never look at the big picture. There is no such thing.
- (This one helps with the previous one.) Important decisions are discovered, not made. They reveal themselves. You don't have go hammering at them.
- Comparisons are odious. Never compare yourself to anyone else, in any arena. You aren't anyone else. Your highest achievement has nothing to do with anyone else's. Comparisons lead to winner/loser thinking.

I also never run out of chocolate chip cookies if I can possibly help it.

Thank you many times over for this thread!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Feb 03 - 08:35 PM

Toast.

Hot, buttery toast.

And chocolate.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,Mary
Date: 15 Feb 03 - 09:13 PM

JENELEN...I loved everything you wrote !!
I like hanging around with friends
who think like you do.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Cornflake
Date: 15 Feb 03 - 09:42 PM

Odd how it's reassuring to hear someone say he or she is depressed, since we all get that way at times and usually feel totally alone when we do.

Best therapy for me: head for the middle of nowhere. I live in a Westerm state where it's not hard. The things that were weighing so heavily on me become trivial. I'm reminded of what wonderful world it is after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Art Thieme
Date: 18 Feb 03 - 08:58 PM

Go to a concert by someone you really like,

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,DancingMom
Date: 18 Feb 03 - 09:52 PM

The gratitude thing. Think of one person or thing that you are thankful for each day.
Do something for someone else each day, without thought of thanks or recognition.
Do something indulgent for yourself each day, like listening to music or taking a nice walk or hot shower. Sharon

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,joe clone
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 11:52 PM

re-opened by request

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Jeanie
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 03:47 AM

What a great thread ! I somehow missed it first time round - thanks for reviving it.

I read somewhere once the "Chinese recipe for happiness", that has always stood me in good stead when feeling down or alone or when life's situations start to get overwhelming (and I've had quite a share of the latter this past year), which is:

Someone to love + something to do + something to look forward to = happiness

There is *always* someone to love - (loads of people, in fact, the world is full of them), and somehow, automatically, the "something to do" and "something to look forward to" parts of the equation then pop up on the horizon, too.

Learning a new skill or reviving an old one also works wonders for me. I got myself an 'improvising blues piano' workbook this year, and having a whale of a time. Likewise, discovering or rediscovering authors. For work, I had to read a short story by Dorothy Parker - I don't know why I'd never read her before - and now I'm hooked. She cheers me up no end, especially reading her out loud.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 11:50 AM

Thanks so much for re-opening this thread!

My personal tips include;

Do whatever you need to do regularly to remind yourself how lucky you are to be alive and if you are in good health, how lucky that is as well.

If you're not living on the streets, starving, or without friends, you are luckier still.

I have a friend who writes little notes to himself and sticks them in his wallet, and then when he periodically cleans it out he finds and reads things like-"You don't have a headache" or "someone loves you". Little reminders of those times when we forget that each moment is precious if we let it be.

..xx..e

(PS-I've tried this one-Give away half of what you think you need, and you'll still have far more than what you really need.)

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:28 PM

Achieving something:- like writing a new Folk song that everyone likes and seeing them pitch in and enjoy it.
Growing a new hybrid flower(or weed)
Creating a new food dish.
Making a new friend.
Taking time to eat good food.
Going to Folk evenings and Festivals.
Getting much needed exercise.
There are many other things but I have only really got round to doing them since taking early retirement...Loving every minute and wondering how I ever found time to work.
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:51 PM

I'm delighted to see that this lovely thread has been reopened! I'll think of more to post tomorrow. Right now I am about to climb into my lovely comfortable bed with lots of pillows, after a good night out at a great session. That's living well!

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 01:34 PM

Make a big deal out of a really small event.   Thats what life is really about anyway.

The hardest tip for living well- learn than money and possessions aren't everything.    That is very hard to overcome.    I was fortunate to have a great lesson.   My wifes Aunt and Uncle were very wealthy (multi millionaires)   We went to vist them at their homes in Pales Vertes Estates and at the country club in Palm Springs.   (Tom Bosley from Happy Days is their neighbor)   The more I got to stay there, the less I liked it.   The people were nice to me but it was the most boring experience of my life.    People there only dine at the country club.   They do not go out in public because they don't want to deal with the common masses.    They have a very dull meal and only talk about stocks, money, how much money someone has, and how much money other people don't have.   They had little interest in any other subjects and as far as I could tell, very little fun in their lives.    The only highlight for me was getting picked up in a Rolls Royce- way cool car to drive in.

Most people want to be rich.   After living with the rich, I have no desire to be there.    I would much rather be at a cabin at a folk festival than at the country club in palm springs.   Pick your priorities- 20 years ago my girlfriend was the producer for Saturday Night Live. She had free tickets for the final show of the year and invitations to the cast party following.   I chose to go to a folk festival instead to see Art Thieme.   

Sometimes it is hard to see that you are living well.   The next time someone tells you they paid $100 a ticket for a loud rock and roll show in a giant stadium and were stuck in an hour traffic jam getting out, remember how much more fun the coffeehouse or folk festvial was.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 02:50 PM

Appreciate what you have. I went through the work until you drop syndrome. The more money I made, the more I needed. Life was stress, stress, stress. I got little joy from the money and was too busy to care. The merry-go-round suddenly stopped spinning and I was thrown on my butt.

THEN I started making a real life for myself. I do still plan for the future but I live for today. It is all I have for sure. If I want something I will earn the money to buy it but I don't care about more than a warm bed, a comfortable home, a decent meal, and friends.

My things use to define me. Now I take great pleasure in finding happy homes for some of them. Life is so simple.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,GROK
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 02:56 PM

Notice when kids wear new clothes, have a new hair style/colour or have glasses for the first time. Tell them they look good/cool/wow/awesome/beautiful. You will make their day and they'll never forget you for it.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Mudlark
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 03:30 PM

Refreshing is a good word for the reopening of this thread...it's a lift, just reading thru it again. Singing always helps me, it's not just emotional, but physically energizing as well. Gritting my teeth and doing even just one little job I've been putting off helps, esp. if it results in less clutter and more organization, making me feel a little less overwhelmed. Change of pace is good. I love living in the country and am rarely bored, but once in a while it's fun to go to town. I've very little money, but enjoy window-shopping, sort of looking at the incredible array of...things...available as a sort of moveable museum display. Messing with my dogs, refilling the bird feeders (and watching how fast the word go out to the avian world), weeding.

I can often write myself out of a funk, not by trying to distract myself from it, but writing exhaustively about everything that might be troubling me. Usually, the more I write the more petty my complaints become, and pretty soon I find myself coming to the conclusion that everything is really pretty OK (which is much different than having someone, even my own stern "don't be a whiner" inner voice tell me so). I find that acknowledgement is a great pick-me-upper.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 03:50 PM

Learn to play the accordion.

Teach your kids (or somebody else's kids) how to play the accordion.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 05:46 PM

Renew dormant conversations with friends you meant to keep close.

Tell someone who ALWAYS asks "But how are YOU doing" how you are actually doing.

Let the hard crusty bits go.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 05:57 PM

Don't learn the accordion. Don't learn the trumpet. Don't learn the guitar, the banjo, the piano, the pipes, the uke, the bodhran. See how awful your life is then. Then go learn to play something, even if it's only the stereo.

Live to help others -- be a REGULAR donor to the local food bank, homeless shelter, and blood drive (notice that this is not an "or" statement). Volunteer at the hospital, the veterans' home, the cemetery, the abused spouses' shelter, the jail.

Smile at children, the younger the better. Smile at old folks, too. In fact, smile at everybody.

Don't get involved in flame wars, ignore trolls, and contribute regularily to MOAB (or at least read it).

Do something creative -- something not directl related to music.

Learn to be a good cook.

Surprise others by not micromanaging them.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Dewey
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:25 AM

I always go, at least once a week, to one of several pre-mapped-out places, where I can be totally alone, for the entire day, without interuptions by any other person. (i.e. isolated)

I have mapped my favorite scenic spots (I have about a dozen)and I now have a complete "secret" list of favorites. At least two of them, involve walking through a trail, (into a small and scarce used lake(s)

In one particular spot, I even have a small 12 foot row boat I can use which the realative (on my dads side of the family) have left there for anyone's personal use (family or friends) everyone respects the boat and returns it to the shore as found, there boat has been in this particular location for about 10 years.

the only person I tell (about these places I go) is my Mom and Dad (when I leave) so that they might have a general sense of where I am should something arise or happen.

The perfectly place from me has been the woods of central minnesota, I take along a lunch, fishing pole (in summer of coarse) one good book that is uplifting on a spritual subject, usually self-improvement, and a note pad to to jot down goals or methods of self improvment that I want to work on for the coming week.

I find by slowing down and planning out my life that I feel better relaxed and more spiritual thoughout the week. Some people take only an hour off. I prefer the entire day, and I also perfer to be by myself, I get enough noise and unsettled activities during the week, a person needs not only rest their bodies but there minds as well.

I also like going on the bike trails in Minnesota (If I have an extra day I usually do this) A little extra exercise in the fresh air lowers my blood pressure and blood sugar ( I am diabetic) plus endorphines are released during exercise, which also bring a sense of calm and quiessence. In winter I like Ice fishing, listening to shortwave readio broadcasts, a cup of tea and some fresh fried fish, or a cross country ski outing in the woods (weather permitting).

I believe one of the psalms says, "go unto a place that is quiet" I think this the most excellent and solid advice available to achieve a steady supply of peace, energy, and happiness in your own self-being.

Give it a try sometime!

Dewey

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Midchuck
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:46 AM

Get some aerobic excercise on a daily basis. Outdoors if possible, but indoors is better than nothing.

Don't smoke. At least, don't smoke tobacco. If someone else asks if you mind if they smoke near you, say, "Sure, if you don't mind if I pick my nose and flick it at you."

Own musical instruments with an aggregate value greater than the present value of your car or truck.

Own musical instruments with an aggregate value more than 100 times the present value of all the clothes you own.

Have two alcoholic drinks a day if male, one if female. No more, no less. Unless your family has a history of alcholism. Then forget the whole thing.

Keep in mind that money is very important up to the amount you need for food, shelter, health care, and whatever luxuries are really important to you (i.e, in my case, a working car, one or two good guitars, and a working computer with an internet connection); but above that amount, it's a meaningless abstraction. Be aware of the difference.

Have a cat or two or three around, and try to serve them in the manner they rightfully expect.

Disagreement with Fred at the very first post in this thread: He refers to sex "when it goes especially well." As far as I'm concerned, "the worst I ever had was absolutely magnificent," as someone I heard quoted somewhere said. I realize this is not so for women, but, on the other hand, they have at least the potential for multiple orgasms. No way of knowing who's better off.

If you're in a service profession, keep in mind that sometimes you're going to screw up completely, and the people involved are going to be very grateful to you for trying to help them; and other times you're going to do a really good job, and the people involved are going to bitch and moan anyway, because they had totally unreasonable expectations. Be glad the first kind exist and as to the second, rely on the great old 8-word phrase, the last six words of which are "...if they can't take a joke."

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,mm
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:09 AM

What is a food bank? I don't think we have them in UK, but they sound a good idea. Everytime I supermarket shop I think I could easily put in another couple of items for someone who has less.
Our big shop chains could add a collection box beyond the checkout. It can't be that hard to do?

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:23 AM

In the US, a food bank is something run by a nonprofit (sometimes a church) to make free food available to people who qualify. They are supplied by donated food and bulk-purchased inventory, and sometimes are also the distribution point for government-sureplus food commodities like processed cheesoid.

Some of these food banks work in partnership with other community programs. A good one I worked with offers a series of weekly cooking and lifeskills classes, because a lot of the food bank clients here are teen moms who would not know what to do with anything except microwave pizza. The theory is, not only do many clients not know how to use food bank products well, they probably also are not stretching their gov't-issue food stamps cost-effectively either, so the program teaches them how to stretch their resources better.

~S~

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: Ron Davies
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:58 AM

Never saw this thread before. It's really great. Sorry if I have repeats of others' tips.



Try to walk as much as possible, but not rushing,--stopping to "smell the roses" ( and any other flower), also noting how gardens are growing, identifying birds and watching them---(I was once late to work because I spent over 10 minutes watching flickers eat ants on the ground--it looked so funny.) Also butterflies, stop for sunsets on the way home etc. It's even better if you can arrange to not drive as part of your commuting (I'm lucky enough to not drive to work at all.) I go by houses where I've heard, on different days, somebody practicing trombone (opening of Tschaikovsky's 4th Symphony), somebody playing banjo ( I think it was Cumberland Gap), and somebody practicing bagpipe in the park . (Admittedly, you have to allow time for this).

Sing as much as possible--in the shower, around the house, in the stairwell at work-- never take the elevator.   In our building, I've even had some compliments in the stairwell--the songs that work the best seem to be Farewell to Tarwaithe and Rose of Allendale. But I just sing there because the acoustics are great. Also walking to work. You don't have to sing loud. People will see your lips moving and usually say good morning (rather than assume you are bonkers). You should obviously stop your song and return the greeting. Singing while walking also helps to memorize or reinforce songs. I sing according to the weather. When it's good I sing country and western; when it's misty and rainy I sing Irish, and when it's real blustery I sing sea songs. Unless there's a particular song I'm trying to learn--then I sing that.


Look for humor everywhere---you'll find it.


Cats.


Be willing to talk to anybody anywhere (obviously, use your judgment).


Remember if somebody attacks you on Mudcat, especially with vulgar language. they're just making fools of themelves. Don't respond in kind--better not to respond at all but not easy.

Be willing to experience many different kinds of music--don't be narrow. I like (passionately) classical, country and western, folk, bluegrass, early rock--practically anything but rap (except Cicada Serenade, which is a spoof of rap) and techno-pop, which I find soulless.


Never stop learning. You can learn from anybody you talk to as well as from books (be skeptical of anything you hear on television). To learn from books, I find non-fiction the best, and history and biography fascinating. Read more than one book on a topic to get different perspectives. Take notes if it helps. I still underline in pencil in my books and write in the margins and at the top.

Make music with others (acoustic music). Don't think of singing as a solo activity. The vast majority of songs I sing have great choruses, since I love to sing with people, especially making up harmonies in the chorus while somebody else carries the melody. Singing in the middle of a group, with all sorts of great harmonies coming out, is an incredible high. Go to concerts where you can do this ( and to Sidmouth, the Getaway etc.)

Have people over to your house and have them bring instruments, but particularly singers who can do songs people can participate in without needing to see music (e.g. no RUS). In any musical group, try to contribute, not dominate it ( unless you're asked to lead the group--a very ticklish situation).


Learn an instrument, especially one that can contribute to the musical texture, not dominate it, and don't jump in until you have some idea of how the song might go.


Get to know your neighbors, both by talking to them on the street and in other ways. I've met quite a few by joining in a group to fight developers, and by doing door to door caroling (in 4 part harmony for 13 years so far).


Tell stories and listen to stories, especially humorous ones.


Know what to take seriously and what not to.




I hope this didn't repeat others' postings too much.
.

Subject: RE: BS: Tips for living well
From: GUEST,Oracle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:34 PM

Don't believe everything you're told just because everyone around you believes it. Especially if everyone around you believes it!

Think for yourself. Trust yourself. Experience the fullness of life with courage and joy! Make your own observations, draw your own conclusions, make your own decisions and remember .... you're never too old to

Educate yourself.