BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!

Subject: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 03 - 11:43 PM

Man, I just heard about it today, Pat, and I had to send my good wishes. It can be very disconcerting when the old plumbing siezes up, the equipment stops functioning on schedule, the libido collapses, and the drooling and periodic lapses into inane incoherency begin.

It gets even worse when your dogs lose respect for you, and pee on your leg.

I just want ya to know that all your old buddies are standing by, sending you their prayers and good wishes to get through this trying time. Remember, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!

You will soon be past the feelings of devastation you are no doubt suffering now, and moving gracefully into your golden years.

I recommend the frequent viewing of light, yet uplifting material...like videos of the old Star Trek series from the 60's starring you-know-who. This can cheer up just about anyone.

Hang in there, old sport! We're with ya all the way!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 03 - 11:49 PM

Goddamn it, LH, what kind of self-serving egomania is this? Can't you leave the old fuck alone? Jealousy only forgives so much, ya know. This cheerio, old top! tone doesn't fool anybody, you know. You'r e like a dog circling three times before settling down -- you're laying the groundwork for a long range plan, anyone can see. You intend to retire as the Senior Cattywumpus and make fart jokes, when you get too old to disappoint young women. I can read you like a book!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Apr 03 - 11:51 PM

That's right, LH, no more happy horseshit, and blowing smoke of any sort up Spaw's ass, I don't care WHAT you paid for it! It will just come out like it always does anyhow. Tell it like it is-- we're not getting better, we're geting older!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 03 - 11:55 PM

Huh? Who me? Look, Amos, isn't there something you need to do right now, like go and read that book you've been promising to get to? Geez...

And just what do you mean when I "get too old to disappoint young women"? I'm already there...I think... Or.... wait a minute...ummm

Man, I am really puzzled by this one.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 12:08 AM

Really and truly sad ain't it Amos? It's a miracle the boy still knows how to breathe........I mean really......Am I supposed to be somehow troubled by a guy who can't add 2+2 without assistance? On another thread, I referred to him as

"one fuckin' pathetic, broke-dick, Mamalucca in the hinterlands of Ontario."

He then asks me what a Mamalucca is so he can figure out if he's been insulted!!!! Is this character for real? Now I am supposed to be all upset over this thread?

You need to try a little harder Hawk.....yeah, I know that's what she said to you last night, but I'm not talking about your genital disabilities as she was.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 12:13 AM

Oh, I see right through you, man. You are bold, creative, exotic and colorful.   Your intentions are clearly to establish yourself as the heir apparent to the Mississippi Mudcat Methane and Megalomania Monopoly which Spaw has so carefully built up over the years, so you, too, can one day get all the second-hand obsequious admiration you can eat from   Mudkittens everywhere, by making off-color remarks on threads once in a while. But you haven't paid the dues Spaw has yet. Go back and read his first 911,234,186 posts on this forum and you will see what I mean! It has only been 7,058 posts on your part since you first posted "Why are most mudcatters human? " in July of 2000. That's not bad, sure, but -- well, I know Spaw, LH....and you're no Spaw. Not yet, anyway.

But keep plugging. You can have your dream, LH. Just realize it won't happen overnight.... The expression "herding wet kittens" comes to mind...

A

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 12:33 AM

Ha! I remember that "Why are most Mudcatters Human?" thread. It was a sarcastic response to an avalanche of idiotic threads asking "Why are most Mudcatters...etc..etc...and so on...".

Don't go quoting Dylan to me, Spaw. I know where that line came from.

Amos, whaddya think I am, some sort of extreme mashochist??? I am not gonna plow through 911,234,186 posts of inconoclastic drivel in order to plot my way to Mudcat hegemony. Well, not tonight, anyway...maybe on the weekend.

When I want to do really difficult and challenging things, like adding 2 + 2, I enlist the aid of one or another of the dachshunds. They will do a lot in return for a piece of cheese or sausage.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 12:37 AM

Dang, I thought I could get you all wrapped up in reading all that stuff.

But seriously, some of it is very deep, heartfelt, human, compassionate, insightful and sensitive. The trouble is, most of it is none of that. So there's a lot of sorting to do, but, well, that's how you walk the long path to glory, man...one painful step at a time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 12:39 AM

I know nothing about Spaw's plumbing. I don't want to know anything about Spaw's plumbing.

As for those "periodic lapses into inane incoherency", what's new about that? "Periodic lapses into coherency" would be more surprising.

Just as long as he doesn't start telling us what a great president George W. Bush is. If he starts doing that he's way beyond the help of the NYCFTTS. We'd be forced to just take him out to the Interstate and push his ass in front of a Toledo-bound Kenworth.   

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Tweed
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 06:46 AM

Dammit LittleHawg, they are beating on you perdy bad over here I see. I'd jump in and lend a hand, but I'm still recovering from a vivisection conducted by foaming pitbulls on another thread and will be smarting from those injuries for days. My advice would be to roll into a tight fetal position and try to save yore genitals at least and make sure the dachshunds have had thar shots!

Yerz,
Tweed

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 08:50 AM

My sympathies, Tweed! That sounds rough. Vasectomy by pit bull is a daunting experience, but usually successful. The dachshunds are not such a problem, cos their bark is way worse than their bite.

Well, it's a beautiful morning here, sunshine pouring through the windows. I am going to have a nice drink of orange juice, put my feet up and contemplate the glories of assuming Mudcat hegemony, whilst disappointing young women...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 03:09 PM

I like Kenworths, can't you choose a Mack or something else ugly? How about a lonesome freight train goin' down the line?
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 03:57 PM

Wait till you're 90 before you have a midlife crisis!

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: CarolC
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 04:51 PM

Mine lasted from around age 34 to about 45. I think. Yup, I'm pretty sure about it. Glad that's over.

Hey Spaw! How's your coming along?

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 05:47 PM

Well, let's see..........pretty well Carol!

Actually, my mid-life crisis came when I was about 40. Karen and I had been married 4 years and never, in the previous 40 years had I ever had any thought of having children. None. No way. Forget it.

By the time I was 42 we were foster parents and adopting our first. By age 45 we had fostered 25 or so kids and adopted our two boys, Tristan and Michael. When the boys were 7 we stopped fostering as they were requiring more and more and it wasn't fair to either them or to our foster kids so we phased out of fostering although I still maintain a lot of contact with the Foster/Adoptive world as a trainer and a CASA.

It was a kind of backwards crisis as most by age 40 were ready for their "almost grown kids" to get the hell out....Instead, Karen and I just got started. Good thing we both had a great time being single for all those years!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 07:06 PM

Yikes! This man has got courage. Balls of solid brass. It will not be easy to fill his shoes. I see now the dreadful task that is before me, and I realize for the first time that my reach may have exceeded my grasp!

Maybe I'll shift my emphasis back to my previous objective: amassing a complete collection of all the CD's, LP's and 45's ever released by Sonny & Cher (together or separately).

That at least is a reachable goal, I think, and it will nicely complement my compleat collection of books, records, and CD's by or about William Shatner/James T. Kirk. I've had to add a small wing to the house for that, but it was well worth it.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: khandu
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 07:30 PM

Dadgummit, Amos! Keep Mississippi outta this thread!!! The last time it became part of a thread I wound up at the NYCFTTS at the hands of some weird doctors! This ain't gonna happen again even if it means a trip to California with my Royal Forkers!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Happy mid-life crisis, Spaw!!!
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 03 - 08:22 PM

You n' your Forkers are more than welcome here, Khandu-mah-man. I have heard a lot about those lithe young soft-skinned, gentle-mannered Mississippi gals, so I will volunteer my home as a lodging place for you, on one condition -- you have to bring the Forkers' nubile daughters along, and I'll handle the Mother Forkers.

Deal?

I am sure you and your Mothers of All Forkers can make a serious positive impact here. The state needs your influence badly. We have entirely too much sun and sand and ocean shore, we have these ridiculous winters that get as cold as 70 degrees, and we seem to have an unlimited supply of granola life-forms, which as you are probably aware is the larval stage of the adult Bipedal Shiny-Winged Yuppy. There's something for your squad to stick those forks into!! I look forward to your arrival, and in preparation I am downloading a copy of Patton's Speech to the Troops ("No poor basrahd evuh won a war by dyin' for his country....") You know the one. I am sure it will be just the inspiration you need.

Send dates!!


A