Punch the Horse May Thread

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 May 03 - 02:41 PM

No one, not even a bloke with a limp, ever gets away with drivelling on my genitals.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 13 May 03 - 02:21 PM

it's like stepping into a twilight zone
haha, quess what pete, i've got blonde in my hair now, sorry

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 13 May 03 - 01:50 PM

Might sound a tad picky oaklet, butI thought it was your genitals he was drivelling on.

You leave our dating agency alone. AFter this week we are thinking we might extend it to personal services, such as painless pile and earwax removal.You could maybe use the by products for more sculptures of the lovely penelope?

Hang on Raggy, just checking the old diary!!

I shall be manipulating the old tonsils - on the Saturday night 31st May, at the "Rose and Crown" in Hornsea.
However, that does leave the Sunday and Monday to make a mess of oneself dont it?

Yes, I could be up for fun, japes and sume bear9hoi and song .

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 13 May 03 - 11:46 AM

My enquiry to Ossenwells is positively based in music, cos if he's in Whitby we may well make music together ..............Aye and possibly sing a song or two in Butlers Beer Boutique and the Equine Negris

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 13 May 03 - 11:37 AM

Ayatollah, may I remind you that this is a music site for musicians and those interested in music in order that they can swap musical ideas and musical resources. It is not a suitable place to drivel on about your genitals. Nor, Raggytash, is it a dating service. If you don't desist I have no option but to report you all so help me.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 13 May 03 - 11:23 AM

Ossencart, you in Whitby over the bank holiday?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Ayatollah
Date: 13 May 03 - 10:41 AM

Was I on the right thread? There was nothing about horses and even some info. Please forgive me Oaklet.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Ayatollah
Date: 13 May 03 - 10:28 AM

Brigg Beer Festival 16th & 17th provides various libations for infidels such as Oaklet and Skippy the Dunnock after their exhibitionisms (dictionary def. "Compulsion to display one's genitals in public") at Brigg Fiddle Fest. Allah (peas be upon him) does not permit me to inbibe, but as a multi instrumentalist, I shall be performing on my Rebec, Sarod, Sabra Wadi and Quakker - provided I'm not incapacitated by secondary alcholismm.

PS Venue changed to somewhere near - don't know exactly where.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 13 May 03 - 04:16 AM

I have so missed the Twillingsgate Saga. It would appear that the sordid life of the small country town is escalating beyond all control. Oakleaf, come down off your wooden fence and take control of the place at once, before total anarchy sets in!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: smallpiper
Date: 13 May 03 - 03:53 AM

Tweed
We thank you for your concern over dear old oaklet but I'm afraid his obsession with Nurse Penny is incurable. We've tried both electric and meathaine shock treatment but sadly to no availe. We even sent him on a cruse on a Russian Icebreaker but the enforced isolation made him worse (and it would seem the owner of said ice breaker - somthing to do with a card game at a rediculus drunken hour and the russian captain deciding that he would be beter off giving oaklet the ship and going to live in siberia - the details arn't too clear). We have tried all the conventional drug treatments and even Mrs Drinkall's famous cure all. I'm afraid its a hopeless case we are at a loss. So we have decided to allow him to run with his fantasies but have provided Nurse Penny with a 24 hour armed guard so there is no need to worry about her.

Yours
Dr SP

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Tweed
Date: 12 May 03 - 09:06 PM

Dere Oakum,

Whad iz this flexation wif the Harpy Penny Rutabaga? I habv witnessed this in another thread that I will leebv uncalled, by a flesh crazed Canadian this very day and am amazed by her (Pene Rankbott's) cathetre-like charms and hypnotic wiles.

Now it iz ominous to me that you habv oslo fallen ill and depraved and busy yoreself wif setting up graven images ov this demonnesz from Hell or Bainbridge or Nutting-on-the-Moors. Iz thar bad haguss in yore local markets or posonby some other dyspepsik reason to become mad and behabve in this loonish manner?

I trust you will recover soon and laugh with much pudendus at your folly someday.

Yerz,
Tweed

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 May 03 - 01:42 PM

The statue is complete. She now stands in Isopon slendour, 5'4", clad in a shell suit with driving gloves (I am no good at hands). The Venus de Mile End, as she is known, is as fitting a tribute to my love for Ms Penelope Ruttledge as is humanly possible to sculpt. The area in the pig sty where she stands, next to the spare Massey Furgusson centre-housing and fertiliser bags is now a shrine. I really could cut my bloody ear off, I really could.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 12 May 03 - 01:28 PM

heloo, tonight is the grand final of the Tap on Wood competition at the Tap & Spile, spring bank, hull, it starts at 9.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: smallpiper
Date: 12 May 03 - 12:49 PM

Isn't it just typical that there's nowt typical about Hull tut!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 12 May 03 - 12:12 PM

No,just whiter than black, nowt typical about dear old 'ull.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 12 May 03 - 11:34 AM

But what size are they?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Concerned of Huddersfield
Date: 12 May 03 - 11:31 AM

Bet my feet were Blacker/browner than yours

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 12 May 03 - 10:51 AM

It was last thurs!!!Thanx for asking tho.
Yeah got the shoes, they weren't on for much of the night tho...they killed when you walked. But hey, they looked bloody gorgeous!!! Should of seen what colour my feet where afterwards, a sort of black/brown! Lovely!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Concerned of Huddersfield
Date: 12 May 03 - 10:32 AM

Whiter than White ...............typical response from Hull

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,ossonflags
Date: 12 May 03 - 10:27 AM

Dear Concerned,

My black cat could have been blacker than that white one of yours, but on reflection decided to be whiter.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: smallpiper
Date: 12 May 03 - 10:21 AM

HI Sweetfire - got the shoes and hand bag to go with the frock yet?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 12 May 03 - 09:03 AM

hi john s'p

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Concerned of Huddersfield
Date: 12 May 03 - 07:02 AM

My white cat is blacker than that cat of yours

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: smallpiper
Date: 12 May 03 - 05:52 AM

Congratulations Deanie bhouy! I hear that your string breaking drought is over!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 12 May 03 - 05:36 AM

Classic thread.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: ossonflags
Date: 12 May 03 - 05:32 AM

I had a cat like that but it was blacker.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 12 May 03 - 04:58 AM

A father bought his two sons two horses. The boys were very pleased with the gift and amicably chose one each. But they thought how to tell the difference.
One boy thought I know we will cut the mane on mine that will do it. And for some time it worked until the mane grew back.

The other boy thought I will cut the tail of mine and agin it worked until it grew back.

After days and days of thinking it over they decided to measure the horses. And it worked the black horse was one hand bigger than the brown one.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 12 May 03 - 04:44 AM

I see the drivel fest has recommenced in ernest! Saturday was fun, in case anyone's interested.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Tweed
Date: 11 May 03 - 10:13 PM

I yam certain thet it wil be farely evervesent thet she habz a rather prodijus Adam's Apple az well, Oakerz.

The shameless harpy kin be found hovering over that cow pie ob BS khnown az the Mother of All BS Threads and should be collected posthayste before the armadilloes are unleashed on her angular ass!! I will soon be taking delibery obv several cubic yards ob the armored liddle lepers and will nod be held defensible for thar actions.

I will leeve now before the clonepeeple find me here and send this thread into the snakepit below whar it belongs. I congratulate you all in beeng able to deseive them and remain in the wolrd obv sunlight and open air for az long az you habve Mum's the word, so Happy Mother's Day to all you English Mums and the Scotlandish and Irish, Welsh and Yorkish ones oslo.

Yerz,
Tweed

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 11 May 03 - 03:06 PM

I have nearly finished my sculpture of Ms Penelope Rutledge in my pig sty, a bit like the blind bird on Lionel Richie's Hello video but with the sexes reversed and without the blindness. And in a pig sty. The face is more beautiful than can be imagined, with a faint hint of a moustache.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: ossonflags
Date: 11 May 03 - 07:07 AM

Methinks Tweed has turned over an "Oakleaf"

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 May 03 - 01:33 AM

Tweed, you are obviously drunk. My advice is, sleep it off, and then turn over a new leaf and consider the merits of abstinence.

* PR

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Tweed
Date: 11 May 03 - 12:50 AM

Khnandoo! Still parading around az the fictitshus Mz.Penelope Rutledge are you? HAW! You fool nobobby wif that ridicuolus wig and bonnet.
Yerz,
Tweed

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 11 May 03 - 12:29 AM

Hello, Oakley! I trust you are enjoying the fine Spring weather as much as we are here in Twillingsgate? Various gossipping tongues have been trying to embarrass me (and you) lately by spreading fanciful stories, but I pay them little mind. Regardless of that, I hope to make another trip to Hull shortly and hear you play the fiddle again...always a real delight!

Winston has joined a shooting club and is attempting to pass himself off as a ruthless and dangerous man, making idle remarks about "potting wogs" and so on. He really is a dreadful braggart, but I've seen worse. It's a flaw among the overly rich and idle, I'm afraid.

The pervert "poet", Malcolm Buggeroll, still has half the women in this town swooning over his dreadful doggerel. I could fix his wicket permanently by letting slip certain revelations, but I'd rather let the cad hang himself on his own rope, as I expect he will shortly. His audacity knows no bounds. I believe he would make advances to a Barbary Ape if he could find one around here.

This town has its share of odd characters, I can tell you. But that's England, isn't it? We value our eccentricities here.

* Penelope

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 10 May 03 - 07:28 PM

heLoo, i hust neen to seee them, it was really nice,nowe i am drinking sume vbottle of rum, so if any body livkes to moaninfg about my spelliing, then thet y can just get lost and kiss my fat arse.john

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 10 May 03 - 01:48 PM

any body got a dictionary.....?

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 May 03 - 07:53 AM

Tonight's fiddle noises at Durty Nelly's will be brought to you by Nik Nak, as me chalfonts are waxing and I need access to the hydraulic pillow and medicated wipes. Have a good 'un people, and don't let Ossonflags sing too much.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 09 May 03 - 11:52 AM

Hello Ms Penelope Rutledge.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 09 May 03 - 09:47 AM

pink contoured jacket????
never worn one of those before!!!
and yes i think you better had!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 09 May 03 - 09:20 AM

Nothing against horsiness,............ tight jodpurs, contoured pink jacket, well turned fellocks on a filly, tightly gripping her riding crop ................

Gad ......... better go for a shower!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: sweetfire
Date: 09 May 03 - 08:41 AM

actually my mare managed to get under an electric fence. the grass wasn't greener on the other side she just prefered to be with the geldings aka the big boys

yes CY i am a girl
no my horse is only part bred arab, the rest welsh

p.s sorry to everyone who is not horsey....i'll stop now

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 08 May 03 - 08:22 PM

I think I should inform all of you that your presence is sorely missed on a thread which you would no doubt enjoy immensely: "The Mother of all BS Threads"

John from Hull would love it. So would ossonflags, the Deanmeister and Raggytash, I'm sure. I think Oakley could spare some time for it too...and his presence would give it some much-needed elan and style.

Don't let the Americans have it all to themselves, chaps! Log on and show them just how silly we British can be when we put our minds to it!

* PR

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 08 May 03 - 07:33 PM

C'mon Oakleaf you can top our American cousins tell 'em how you used to ride Friesians on Reads Island

Gerry

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Raggytash
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:44 PM

Crazy Yankee, after reading John from Hull's contribution come back all is forgiven !!!

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:34 PM

Sorry, Raggy, but I gots ta tell my mule story.

My friend Phil had several horses and one mule. The mule kept getting out of the fenced field, but none of the horses ever did. So, Phil got some taller fence posts and put another strand of barbed wire around the field. The mule still got out. So, Phil put a strand of electric fence wire around the field. The mule still got out. Finally, Phil gaught the mule in the act. The mule was getting down on all fours and crawling under the fence. A horse would never be smart enough to crawl under a fence unless someone taught him how to do it. A strand of barbed wire placed about six inches from the ground solved the problem.

Now, carry on with the usual Hullstuff.

Bruce

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 May 03 - 03:00 PM

John it's no good putting a sign on your car, the birds can't read Ull spelling!

LTS

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:37 AM

Heloo mick, jacksons are a big rip of and there sandwidges are crap, at the sandwidge ship near the bike ship, you can get stake sandwidges 9really nice!).john
ps i got some out of date walnut cakes from the little TEscos on Wiberlly road, they was only 10p each, i got 5, 3 of them went bad, so i was going to throw them at the birds, but i decide agains it, this is why=I did that before, i gave them some bread, and they shit allover my car, i was going to make a sign =PLEESE DO NOT SHIT ON MY CAR! , but i cant find my marker pen, so i just put the mouldy cakes in the bin., you can get some good barhains from that little tescos, i got some pure orange jooce as well for 10p.john

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: Oaklet
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:28 AM

You leave him alone, Raggytash you varmint. I really enjoyed it. This is a natural place for Cranky Yankee and he should be encouraged. So there9.

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:23 AM

Sod bloody Horses, lets have some of the usual nonsense about drinking and music, sorry Crazy Yankee but to coin an American phrase
BUTT OUT BUDDY

Subject: RE: Punch the Horse May Thread
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 08 May 03 - 11:10 AM

tell me about it! Prefer the iron steed, myself!