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BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own...
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Subject: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Jul 03 - 10:34 AM This is a cool idea to liven things up at your local Chinese restaurant. Make up your own fortunes and insert them into the fortune cookies. It's quite easily done with a computer printer. Here are some I came up with: "Of the 7 Deadly Sins, Gluttony is the one most likely to lead to your demise." "You are soon going to have an intimate encounter with a motorcycle gang." "Please say a prayer for the alley cat you just ate." And then of course there is the old, old one: "Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory." Make up your own Chinese mis-fortune and add it to this thread...and try to be subtle... - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Amos Date: 15 Jul 03 - 10:50 AM "You will be given misleading information from a fortune cookie...." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Dave the Gnome Date: 15 Jul 03 - 10:53 AM Careful you don't eat the other half of th |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,pdc Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:16 PM We do this every year when my husband has his graduate students over for dinner. So far the favourite one has been "During your orals, you will fart uncontrollably." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:21 PM "Pay no attention the man behind the curtain." "You will meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger...stranger than fiction." "Your gullibility knows no bounds." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 15 Jul 03 - 12:25 PM The ever popular ' that wasn't chicken'.... I liked 'How the hell did I get in here?' and 'eggs, cheese, butter, cat food, cabbage.....' LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee Date: 15 Jul 03 - 01:12 PM "You are not a winner." "Your zipper is stuck open." "You will learn what STD means." "You could actually eat that!?" "See those two big guys in the corner?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Date: 15 Jul 03 - 03:10 PM There are some pretty good contributions too on an older thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: lady penelope Date: 15 Jul 03 - 03:37 PM " this cookie will self destruct in 10 seconds......" "unexpected furballs will cause much disruption" "thank you for participating in the government's alternative nuclear waste disposal programme" "put me back, I'm not done yet" TTFN Lady P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 15 Jul 03 - 03:56 PM "You're the kind of hopeless schmuck who seeks advice in pastry products." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,MMario Date: 15 Jul 03 - 04:09 PM This paper coated in contact poison |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: IvanB Date: 15 Jul 03 - 04:10 PM Some years back, I was the treasurer of a small organization. One evening, after the executive committee had a grueling all-day meeting, we decided to go out for Chinese. The president asked that I take enough cash from petty cash to pay the bill, so that nobody would be out of pocket for the expense. When the fortune cookies came, mine was "The person having dinner with you does not intend to pay the bill." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Raptor Date: 15 Jul 03 - 04:24 PM You shall inherit much wealth and many ladies will find you irrasistable... Wait a minute this fortunes for the guy at table six! Never mind, Sorry. Raptor |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Bill D Date: 15 Jul 03 - 06:03 PM "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is find the source of these silly messages" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Jul 03 - 08:21 PM LOL! Great stuff, folks. I am most pleased by the fine responses this thread has gotten thus far. I hope the fortune cookie companies are taking notes... - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C Date: 15 Jul 03 - 08:38 PM It's made of peeeeeeeeepuuuulllll!!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee Date: 15 Jul 03 - 08:42 PM On both sides of the paper simply print "PTO" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: The Walrus Date: 15 Jul 03 - 09:15 PM The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train Do you know how many people handled this before it was wrapped? Whoops, you lose! Walrus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Billy the Bus Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:55 AM The bad news in this cookie is - "I have a bun in the oven - thanks Cooky" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Date: 16 Jul 03 - 10:48 AM My daughter and I separate ones for kids and adults, and a few other categories, nice and vicious. We have about a hundred and twenty we like okay. I'm not sure if most are new. Your parents read in a magazine that spankings are good for you. A dog eats your homework and for some reason nobody believes you. Turns out being a Famous Spy wasn't a good combination. No you can't have a pony. You will be kidnapped and abandoned in the French countryside by a greedy butler out to steal your fortune. You'll be famous for a skateboard move, the "fall-ie". You teach your pet to talk, it tells you to clean your room. In being kind to others, you recieve kindness back, we guess. Your mom wants a Nautilus, a stupid elf puts you on the naughty list. Your hard work gets noticed. They give you more hard work. Moles begin drawing mysterious signs in your yard. Elton John thinks you lived more like a fart in a whirlwind. Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement, dude. Your fortune is very important to us. Please hold. A guy who eats cream corn with his mouth open will have a crush on you. You'll meet a tall dark strangler. Your future contains violence and profanity but no sexual situations. You'll never find the right haircut. You'll find Joy in a bottle by the sink. Your job will be a joke, you'll be broke, and you'll have that damned "Friends" song stuck in your head. Your business venture succeeds, Bill Gates! Your actual "girlfriend" actually won't "go there". You live in the imagination of others, dressed as a Klingon. You fall into a burning ring of fire. etc. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: GUEST,Rapaire, working Date: 16 Jul 03 - 12:26 PM All of your genes are recessives. Don't ask. Don't. Oh no! That's awful! We're so very, very sorry for you. Your roommate is a "made man" with the mob. It's not going to get well, you know. THIS is the high point of your life. Stop picking it!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C Date: 17 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM Fred, that is the best laugh I have had so far today! :-D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:21 PM Well, thanks so much Kim. I try pathetically hard to be funny, while other people just have a gift. The effort probably sours me, I become a jerk, and I neglet to express a little appreciation when I ought to. Nice of you. I'm thinking it would be fun to have a book of cartoons with no captions, see what my kids come up with. In fact--I'm not sure of the kosher way to post an image, but it would be a hoot to see what catter's came up with for a situation. I'm probably just passing along a disease to my kids. My little boy jim is a genius of comic timing, and can kill everyone just by singing out Kum-bay-yah! at unexpected moments. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Gareth Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:29 PM I cant to those - Superb !!!! Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Joe_F Date: 17 Jul 03 - 07:47 PM If you don't like the fortune, don't eat the cookie. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: DMcG Date: 18 Jul 03 - 07:02 AM This fortune intentionally left blank. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: John MacKenzie Date: 18 Jul 03 - 07:30 AM You will meet a man called Catspaw in a lift! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Kim C Date: 18 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM But Fred, don't you think some people who seem naturally funny, are only that way because they worked at it? ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:01 PM No kosher way to post images, Fred, it's frowned upon, sorry...good idea, though.:-) You eat with that filthy mouth? Batten down the hatches The sky is falling Compliments of the woman at Table Seven...your mother! Very good (karate)chop, Grasshopper, if a little overdone, now clean up the crumbs. Tomorrow is another day. You are older than that, now. You really read these!? Stick a spoon on your nose and all your wishes will come true. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: DADGBE Date: 18 Jul 03 - 02:44 PM Your mother was right! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Rapparee Date: 18 Jul 03 - 02:52 PM You have a rare disease which is causing you to shrink. Oh, ick! Don't touch me! Your fortune...now THAT'S funny. That man in the corner, the one looking at you. He's from the IRS. Take Pepto Bismol. Take it NOW. You only THOUGHT those were lo mein noodles. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Sam L Date: 18 Jul 03 - 03:34 PM Kim C, no. I'm sicker than those people. Kat--for a minute I thought you were still addressing me and I wondered which filthy ones I'd posted. Great wisdom is given to you, you wake up and forget it. Your music career will be impeded by what the deaf call "those stupid hearing people". Opportunity knocks, waits, then keys your car. The words "by reason of insanity' will give you hope. You'll wish you'd had those nude photos done professionally when you were younger. It's not whether you win or lose, it's just You Lose. You can succeed at every virtual thing! You'll survive a close shave. Then a second blade comes along to shave you even closer. Your bosses abscond with the balance of all your butt-kissing. All the people you feel superior to suddenly die. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: katlaughing Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM Sorry, Fred.:-) __________________________________________________________ Sorry, please try again. Your number has come up! Beyond the veil, you will meet many souls. Eat, drink, don't tarry! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: TheBigPinkLad Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:12 PM Love won't keep us together The darkest hour is just before it goes pitch black It's not a complex, you are inferior Jesus doesn't want you for a sunbeam Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:31 PM Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Stephen Lee |
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Subject: RE: BS: Misfortune Cookies - Design your own... From: Little Hawk Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:36 PM LOL! The misfortunes continue... How about... "George Bush will decide that you are a threat to World Peace and take 'serious measures' against you within the next calendar year." "Your dog thinks you have really bad breath!" "You pig! The kitchen staff bet you couldn't eat that much and still walk. Let's see if they were right. Get up sl-o-o-o-ow-ly now...easy does it..." - LH |
