BS: bbc has moved

Subject: BS: bbc has moved--help!!!
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 09:59 AM

One & a half weeks ago, I dramatically changed my life. After living in the outskirts of New York City for 21 years--the past 16 as a single mom in a large house in an expensive area & working for the past 5 years an hour's commute from home, I have now moved to a smaller home in a rural, less expensive area 19 miles from where I work. It's a plan I've had ever since I started my job as an elementary school librarian in a small, rural community 5 years ago. I was only waiting for my younger son to graduate from high school to put my plan into effect. Well, everything went according to plan, except there were a few things I didn't expect. The good news is that I am now in a small, comfortable house surrounded by corn fields, lakes, & mountains. The bad news is that--surprise, surprise--there are few doctors, stores, churches, etc. in this area & the house needs a lot of work. I moved from a very large house & now I am struggling to figure out where to put all this stuff I moved. How do we accumulate so much stuff?! I am starting everything fresh--having to locate shopping, tradespeople, church, as well as cleaning & unpacking alone. In a few weeks, my younger son will leave for college & I will be living alone for the 1st time in my life. I thought I was looking forward to it before I did it, but, at the moment, it's scaring the heck out of me! I feel inadequate & overwhelmed most of the time. I wonder if I've made a terrible mistake, but I suspect not. Through the gracious help of my older son, I'm back on the Internet after about 2 weeks away; at least, I can communicate again. I felt so isolated.

I turned 50 last March. My kids are both through public school & I am in a fairly stable job that I usually enjoy. I've given up on relationships working, but I, at least, thought I could make a comfortable, doable life for myself. Right now, I feel pretty shaky. Could I hear from others who've gone through life changes (&, hopefully, survived)?

Thanks,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:11 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{bbc}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

don't forget you got a pretty big "family" and tons of friends just a keyboard away!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:16 AM

Glad to see ya back, BBC!

You keep improving one thing at a time and it works out, honest it does. You have an interesting time ahead, but that's not bad!

A

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Jeri
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:39 AM

I retired from Air Force after accumulating too much stuff (a load of which is still in boxes), and bought my first house in a really rural area in 1999. My biggest problem is and was money. I went from earning decent pay to barely scraping by. It didn't seem to matter that I'd run public health programs for populations of 9,000 and supervised offices of up to 12 people. There were lots of jobs available, but not one suited to me, especially without at least a master's degree. I found a job I liked, but it's not all year round and it doesn't pay that much.

So here I am - four years after retiring and three years after finding this job. It took me a couple of years before I quit worrying I was going to end up living in a cardboard box. I also know I could find a better paying steady job, but I'm happy with this one. One major financial disaster and I may still end up in that box, but worrying about it doesn't help.

You make the changes and you want to think "Ahhh - THAT'S done!" Nope. It's just the beginning, but it can be fun sometimes, not just scary. Do the stuff you can do on your own, then go meet people. Read the local paper to see what's going on. There's a small country store at the end of my road and at any given time during the day, there are a few folks in there just shooting the breeze. Folks hanging out there have given me tips on everything from political happenings to how to find a guy to shingle my roof or fix my septic system. Maybe you've got a little store or some other type of gathering place nearby. Go to your local town office. They usually have information about the town for newcomers.

Feeling overwhelmed is pretty normal. It'll take a while before you feel settled in, but be confident that you WILL get through the adjustment/learning phase.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:51 AM

CORN-GRAT-U-LASHUNS!!

Luv

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:41 AM

In a short time, you will be amazed how normal it feels. When my relationship ended, I bought a house and a dog. That was 6 years ago, and I'm feeling quite normal. Man can adjust to anything, except a stone in his shoe.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alba
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:00 PM

Hi Barbara,
I sold my Home in Ireland and moved to the United States to live with my partner in Northern Maine 7 years ago now.
I remember the feeling well when I first arrived in the Country and then at the House which is in a very remote area. I was terrified.
Now...I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Time changes everything Barbara. All will be well just hang in there till you get to know your Area and the Folks in it.
Change can be overwhelming...but this too shall pass:>)
Best wishes to you.
JD
Your right about the stone in the shoe Kendall...*bg*

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:19 PM

Thanks, folks. Yesterday was very frustrating. I was trying to line up doctors & wondered if I'd die at home before I could find any (just being dramatic!). This am, I was able to make initial appointments for my son & self at a GP, as well as a needed eye exam for him--all before we go back to school! My letter carrier has offered to put up the mailbox post himself! Boy, that never would have happened in my former area! Once I've found people to do work on the house, they've been great! And, it *is* a really beautiful area. Just an awful lot to get used to at the same time. I am just on the NY side of the intersection of CT & MA.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:26 PM

It's a big transition, but one you seem to have been ready for and I am happy for you. You've done a great job with your kids, had yourself a reasonably great job these past few years, and now are realising another one of your major goals! Congratulations!

I still miss my kids being around the house, BUT I wouldn't want them in it all of the time, anymore, either. I've come to treasure my quiet/alone time.

Three years ago we put everything in storage and lived with our daughter for two years, then bought a small house in Colorado. Got everything from storage, had fun unpacking and arranging some, but a LOT of it is still in boxes, a shed, a caravan, and the old panel van.:-)

It has taken a year of having our stuff here for us to be ready to actually go through the bulk of it and decide what to do with most of it. Rog plans to take some comp time and spend a week with me going through it and working on the house, too. In a way I like having stuff stored away. It's a lot of fun to go through it, and realise what I'd forgotten we had!

As a friend of mine reminds me, "remember to BREATH," give yourself plenty of time to get used to this newness, and have patience with yourself.

luvyakatanother50'erthisyear!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:34 PM

kat,

Isn't it amazing (& embarrassing) how much "stuff" we accumulate?! Humans have a tendency to fill up the space they have & spend the money they have. I thought I got rid of a lot (& I did), but it's still coming as a shock how much I have left. Also, naturally, I'm already finding that I made some mistakes in what I disposed of.

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:37 PM

never fails! The little doohickie-gizmo that has sat unused in a drawer for 12 years is *vital* the day after it gets thrown out...

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:50 PM

Oh, bbc, yes! BUT, I find that once we've created that vacumn, something comes along to fill it, Nature abhoring such things, after all.**bg**

I thought I'd gotten rid of a lot when we moved back to the West, but you're right, we filled up, again! Stuff seems so importatnt at times. I like to think I am getting it down to the really important things, now, but they still take up a lot of space!

You must be somewhat near our old stomping grounds of Granville, MA. That area from there on over to NY and just a few miles down to CT is so beautiful and rural. I loved our time there. The kids and I had so much fun exploring and the people were incredibly helpful, friendly, and kind.

Give yourself a pat on the back, bbc, you deserve it!

kat

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Homeless
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:10 PM

Due to a bad split with my ex, I ended up living on a motorcycle for a couple years with my only possesions being what I could pack on it. No job, no house, no food, not many clothes. About as sudden and drastic (and unexpected) of a lifestyle change you can make.
Yeah, a change of the magnitude you're going is really scary. But you only need to deal with one day at a time. And no individual day is ever really that scary. So when you start to feel overwhelmed by the whole thing, just focus on one little piece of it, and live thru that.
As they said on my favorite Christmas special, "Put one foot in front of the other..."

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: harpgirl
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:17 PM

Congratulations BBC! I want to do what you have done and imagine it often. I know you will be happy and get all your ducks in a row! I bet you will even find a relationship in that town, if you want it! Way to go, Love, harpgirl (the bad witch)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: JennyO
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:18 PM

I can imagine how you are feeling. I have gone through a number of huge life changes in the last few years, and another one is coming up. I will be moving in about 3 weeks. I think it will be a good thing in the end, but the getting there feels really overwhelming.

Change is always scary, even if you know it will be for the best. It's really good that you are able to be back on Mudcat again. Being able to share your thoughts and feelings with others, and spending time with friends is really important. Your support network will gradually build around you and you will begin to feel settled.

I myself am dreading the BIG MOVE - I have heaps of accumulated stuff, including a piano and a large fishtank, so I'll just be glad when the moving part is over.

The thing that stops me from completely panicking is that I know I have always somehow got through difficult times, some of them worse than this, and survived, and that I have a wonderful network of friends.

So feeling inadequate and overwhelmed is just something that will pass. Before long, you (and I) will be feeling quite adequate and whelmed.

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:29 PM

Good move Beebs! No advice, just congrats on a new beginning!!!!! We luvya'!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 02:13 PM

Well, I just finished cleaning the fridge! Now, I can get food in for more than a couple of meals at a time. Even so, the nearby stores are smaller & less well-stocked than I'm used to. Sounds like small potatoes, I know, but things do tend to pile up on one. I'm learned to take a cooler any time I got to one of the larger towns, 1/2 hour away. That's where the big food stores are! Jenny, keep in touch. Yup, good times can be tough, too. Mudcatters are great for a good word, though! Time to find my way around the kitchen & put together a late lunch.

love,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Naemanson
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 04:57 PM

Hey Kid, you want change try moving to Guam... after a breakup...

The stores here are poorly stocked and the docotr situation is a complete unknown. I have started by going to the local Naval hospital with all that entails, rigidity of procedures and lack of personality, complete failure of empathy or interest in the patient.

But, the people are great! There are some people in this world who would be daunted by the idea of starting up a conversation with someone a different color from themselves. And at times I have felt that myself. Here, there is no problem. You are welcomed with a smile.

As for the breakup my last one left me in the same boat as you. No more! I am done with relationships and the other gender. Friends are fine but I will let no one closer than that. But that too is survivable, I hope.

You are strong. You are still young (believe it or not), and you have a whole new adventure ahead of you. And you know people in fun places to vacation. You have friends in countries around the world and, this is the neat part, when you plan a vacation you don't have to coordinate your vacation time with anyone else! If you decide to go to Oz to visit JennyO then you can just take off and go! If you wanted to spend a month visiting people in Ireland and England you could just go! No need to worry about how your time off will affect him if there is no him.

You are going to be fine.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 06:16 PM

Thanks, Brett; you are the best! My older son is coming to hold my hand for one more weekend, but I think things are getting a little better. The new septic tank goes in on Monday--one less thing to worry about!

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 07:14 PM

WOW ! there's a source of comfort, a new septic tank! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bill\sables
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 07:59 PM

Barbara, The place sounds great and I'm sure you will make a home there without any difficulty. PM or email me with your new address and I'll send some sort of housewarming gift.
Cheers Bill

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:37 PM

Congratulations! It is 1 1/2 years since I left NYC for Maine. The hardest moment was handing over my NY voter registration and getting one in Maine. Somehow that little event hit me with how permanent and drastic a change I was making. But I have never regretted it. In fact, there are times when South Portland seems entirely too crowded and citified and I find myself looking north (Downeast to the natives). Settle in and be happy bbc. There are adventures ahead.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:41 PM

A good move, so to speak, on the septic tank Beebs. We all know you're really full of it and a new septic system is right for you!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Mudlark
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 09:06 PM

Well, I agree with the last part of Spaw's remark, at least...a backed-up septic tank is not a good way to start your stay in a new home!

It already sounds as if you are less overwhelmed, coping better, can see a little farther ahead. I've lived in the (very rural) country now for over 30 years, but up until 2 yrs ago always with a man who was the epitome of resourceful, could do everything from butchering a hog to running new wiring. A crack shot, he killed all desperate varmints, was able to sew up minor dog cuts with skill and aplomb and was good in an emergency. When he died unexpectedly I was not only bereft but panicked. What would I do if a rabid skunk arrived at the door (as one had a few years ago), not even knowing which end of a gun to point? How would I manage when a(nother) piece of our old shack crumbled away?

In the past couple of years I've gotten answers to all my panicky questions. Shortly after John died a huge rattlesnake appeared in the back yard. In desperation I called a neighbor, but by the time he got here with his gun the snake had sloped off. When the snake reappeared in the front yard the next morning, not 10 ft from the house I realized I was going to hve to deal with it myself...and I did, with a hoe, screaming the entire time. I've had plumbing problems (inc. the backed up septic scenario), electrical problems, have had to deal with new fencing, a hearth under the wood stove (and getting all my own firewood). And have found that a lot of what seemed insurmountable can be attacked with a phone, a phonebook and a checkbook. The longer you are in the area the more connected you will be...and the more connected the more easily you will be able to find good service people.

Hang in there, Barbara...I think you are doing a splendid job already. Feel free to PM me if you want to complain, whine or wail like a banshee...I've done them all and boy does it feel good!

Nancy

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: JennyO
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 09:23 PM

It looks like a few of us are in the same boat. I'm at the end of a relationship that I had high hopes for which crashed and burned badly - I'm still being hit by some of the shrapnel. The silly thing was, I had been perfectly content and comfortably single for some time until this person came along and turned my world upside down. Now I really don't feel like ever being in a relationship again.

I thought at least I was okay at home, but then my flatmates (two brothers) started to monster me, so basically I have decided to get out and leave them to it. A perfect offer came along at just the right time, so now I have decided to step out of the comfort zone again and do the thing I hate most - moving.

It encourages me to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel - it sounds like things are picking up for you already, Barbara. It's good to have a helpful son too, isn't it. My son set up my computer for me, and if I have problems with it, I know he's usually got the answers.

There will be a period of time when I will be offline around the time of the move. I hope it is only short, but one of the problems I had with the flatmates was that they started writing threatening notes demanding that I move my computer into my bedroom (or else - majority rules they said), and I was sufficiently worried by the tone of these notes, that I went along with it. I was afraid they would try to move it for me in my absence and do some damage. So once I have told them I am leaving, I might have to move it early, if I feel sufficiently threatened, and that would mean being offline earlier. It will be another week before I tell them, and the following 2 weeks before I move will be the hardest, I think. That's when I will be really glad I have friends and I will try to have them around me as much as possible. Some of them, like Sandra, are Sydney mudcatters.

Meanwhile I will stay in touch as long as I can. I love the virtual community here, and it helps me feel connected. One day I would love the chance to travel and meet other 'cats.

Sorry to go on so much - this thread is about you, and I feel like I am hijacking it. Would you mind a PM?

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:44 PM

You guys are great! I'm so glad I started this thread. I think this is the 1st day in the past week & a half that I haven't cried--not nonstop, but just a sign that I've really been on the edge, emotionally. I'm glad that, at least, I'm able to cry. Better that than some of the less healthy alternatives. Jenny, I'd be happy for a PM; sounds like we could do some good mutual support. Nancy, thanks so much for your input! Sounds like you are doing what needs to be done. I survived an 8-year divorce after a 10 year marriage about 16 years ago & did pretty well, but the 6-year relationship that just ended made me quite dependent again; not a great idea. And it's caused me to doubt myself about any future relationships. I just don't seem to be able to make them last, but it hurts.

As for you, Pat, shame on you for teasing me when I'm down! ;) The folks who sold me this house left me w/ a lot of unexpected work to do. The new tank will run me (oops!) about $2,000. I've been a city girl up till now & never even knew what septic was. Yup, Kendall, it's gonna be a hot time getting that new concrete tank! Wanna try it out sometime?

Sinsull, I sent for a new drivers license w/ my new address & they put PO BD on it, instead of PO Box. Sigh.

Talk to you all later,

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:52 PM

BTW, you are too young to give up on relationships. You can never know what will happen if you stay open to the idea. Don't go looking but don't blind yourself either.

Hell Beebs, even ol' Cletus was saying just the other day that he knew somehow that the right person was out there for him. On the other hand, if a guy eating a headcheese sandwich, drinking an Iron City beer, and driving a '68 Dodge pickup pulls up at your place....run like hell!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:16 PM

I dunno, Spaw. The problem is, if Cletus did show up, I'm not sure I'd have the sense to run!

Thanks for making me smile!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Trevor
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 05:05 AM

Hello.

I've lived more or less alone for the last ten years (although I do have a lovely lady who lives not far away). I had never really been on my own, having married young, divorced and fallen straight into another relationship.

I went to live in France, in a caravan. It was so scary - I thought I was lonely, I thought I was paying a price for something or other, I thought I was going to be friendless for the rest of my life. I hated the fact that everything was the same when I came in at night as when I went out in the morning 'cos there was nobody else there, that it was quiet when I was used to be surrounded by noise, kids etc.

Then I discovered this person who had all the resources I needed to live a happy, fulfilled life, who was interesting, experienced, good company, who needed hardly any of the material things I had always thought necessary for life. And this person had always been there. Because it was ME!!

This discovery was the most liberating thing I had ever experienced and has informed my life ever since. It has given me independence, confidence, it means that my relationships are based on want rather than need. I too live in an area that is isolated (as anybody who's been to Squilverfest will attest) and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I'm 52, Helen is 57, we see the world very similarly from our own, independent (in every sense) windows.

Reading this back, it sounds like I'm crowing. I'm not, honest. I also know that other people's experiences won't necessarily help you -you're the only one who can do it for you - but it may help to know that, for some anyway, it works, that even if you can't see it now, there is a light shining for you somewhere (and not the false dawns that may happen along the way).

Good luck beeb. PM any time you feel the need. (And thanks for sharing your thoughts and fears - this is the first time I've put my stuff into words and wouldn't have done without the prompt from your lovely, open, touching thread)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:31 AM

CONGRATULATIONS, GIRL-FRIEND!! I've sent an email but in case it goes astray I want you to know I've just been there in the recemt past, and it's pretty wonderful on the other side of a year. I look back at all I can do, and at the inner strength I didn't know I had, and I'm happier than I've ever been.
It's easy for me to say, having been thru it, but you're in the midst of it, so don't be afraid or ashamed to cry. You now live less than 2 1/2 hours from me- how about a visit if the lonlies get too bad? I can offer tea, hugs, music, friendship and fresh home-made apple pie (in any order!) You know you're always welcome, dearie.
Trevor said it well- you're going to get to know your own best friend now- good for you!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Dharmabum
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM

Hi Barb,
Well,at least the roof doesn't leak!

Good point;not having the sense to run.
I can relate.

       DB.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 07:27 AM

As a brit, I thought that BBC referred to that pillar of our establishment which resides at Broadcasting House, is often referred to as Auntie, and has the motto:
Nation shall speak peace unto Nation

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:54 AM

bbc, of all the invitations I have ever had, yours is the most recent. LOL

Sinsull, it's only "Downeast" if you follow the coast which runs roughly Northeast. North from Portland would put you in some God forsaken place like Eustis or Lake Moxie.

What is it with Mudcatters? so many of us just can't seem to do the relationship thing.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:07 AM

Well Kendall, not all of us have the problem. In your case, it's because you are a crotchety old bag of wind lacking in both social refinement and any type of redeeming social value whatsoever. Beyond that, you are an enormous pain in the ass to any and all who encounter you and the only reason anyone ever mentions your name is when they are trying to describe unpleasant aromas or the functioning of a puerile yet senile brain. Additionally, the bagworms growing in your armpits tends to put a lot of people off. Get some kerosene fer chrissakes~

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 09:37 AM

Spaw, if that's what Kendall's really like, does that mean I shouldn't invite him to use my new septic?! I thought he was pretty nice!

More seriously, what a nice way to start the day--emails, PM's, & more posts to this thread. I can't tell you how much this is helping me! I will save this, read it when the kids are away at school, & develop some new friendships from it, I'm sure!

Trevor, thanks for reminding me what I thought I would & should be doing here. I hope it will happen in the future. Right now, it just seems awfully scary. I'm glad this thread allowed you to share. Sounds like you are doing great!

I'm wondering if we should start another thread on middle-aged concerns about relationship? It seems like there are several of us who are really doubting ourselves.

Dave, I would never presume to use the capital letters. My bbc comes from my initials. Folks who've been on Mudcat for a long time know me, though I usually lurk more these days than post.

best to all,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 04:10 PM

Wow! Today, my letter carrier installed a post & mailbox for me. I lined up a podiatrist & someone to do needed landscaping & tree work. My older son has arrived to visit overnight. Things are looking up. Maybe I really *can* do this!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 04:15 PM

Yea!! Go, beebs!!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 04:17 PM

of course you can. None of *us* doubted that for a minute...*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: JennyO
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:45 AM

YES! Woman of power!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:28 AM

Boy,I missed Mudcat when it was down last night. Each day, I'm making progress; I just wish I could have started July 1st, as originally expected, instead of July 18th. In about 2 weeks, I need to look toward my lesson-planning for the new school year. Things are improving, though. Instead of feeling completely overwhelmed, I'm just feeling stressed. I haven't cried for the past 2 days in a row. Last night, w/ both of my sons here, for a few moments, the house felt like home. Lots of change, though. Your understanding & good words help a lot!

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Mudlark
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 01:55 PM

Keep up the good work, Barbara...from overwhelmed to stressed is a big step in the right direction. And pretty soon you will begin to get that great feeling of competence and the trust in yourself that you can meet the challenges of living alone. Also good to realize that while you may be living alone, you are not alone. You have friends, family, mudcatters, new neighbors to meet and sort thru, helpful service people... Living alone doesn't mean being lonely or unsupported!

Nancy

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:41 PM

Today was a good day! My son David helped me find places for all of my bookshelves. Now, I can unpack! For a working librarian, this is a good thing! Animaterra gave me a call. Thanks, Allison! I also had a visit from a woman whose church I visited 2 Sundays ago. She waa very nice; I think I may have a new friend! Even managed to make a full dinner tonight. Yay!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Joe Offer
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:00 AM

Hi, BBC - sounds like a lot of us are experiencing the transition of moving to Rural America. I used to be hot stuff where I used to live. Now I live where everybody knows and loves my wife, and I'm known only as the husband of the chiropractor. I find I have to be very careful what I say, since everybody knows everybody - and everybody is my wife's patient.

But I love it here. I hope you come to love rural life, too.

-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:32 AM

bbc -

Once, a long time ago, something I said concerned you and you reached out to make sure I was okay. It was a compassionate and humane gesture that I have not forgotten. I wish that I could do the same for you now.

Just be content in the fact that things you do sometimes touch people in ways you will never know. Best wishes to you in every chapter of your life.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:27 PM

Hey, Joe,

Thanks for posting. I never felt like I fitted in w/ the hectic Westchester County (close to NYC) lifestyle, but I find that I must have absorbed some of it through the years. Now, I am working on slowing down & simplifying. I think I can do it, but it will take some time & work. I find I am already understanding my students better, now that I know where they live! Yup, everybody knows (or is related to) everybody. Not a good place to talk out of turn or make enemies, but then, no place really is, is it?!

Guest, thank you for your post. Would you be willing to send me a PM, if you are an anonymous member? I'd like to chat.

best,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 02:10 PM

Ahhh...small towns. The thing is the same closeness that makes it possible to spread gossip through the whole place in hours also means that if you need help, the word will get spread about that too. My neighbors aren't nosy at all, but I we talk sometimes when I see them outside. The woman across the street, has a GORGEOUS garden and has given me plants.

And then there's the neighborhood chapter of Men With Toys. The guy on my right mows the lawn (formerly solid weeds) to the right of my house. He cut down some trees and asked if he could drop them so the fell on my property. No problem - and I went over to the HUGE bonfire they had to burn the small bits left over. The guy behind me (he has a graveyard, a beaver pond back and 50-some acres of forest) mows HIS property on my right but also a big chunk of my property. Both asked permission to mow. In winter, there are about 4 guys with snow plows on their pickups. After a snowstorm, they drive up and down the street and plow everybody. The first year I was here, this sort of blew me away. I went out to thank the guy, and he just said "We take care of each other around here."

Small neighborhoods can seem strange if you're not used to them, but in my opinion there are a lot more benefits than drawbacks!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: DougR
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:44 PM

Barb, I think you made the right move. In time, when all of the problems have disappeared, you are sure to love the rural life-style.

As to being to late to start over, I'm a prime example, at the age of 73, of it's never too late. I am now living with a wonderful lady I have known for over thirty years. We are going to Ireland and England in September, and plan to get married when we return. So Barb, as a "kid" of only fifty, cut out the BS! It's NEVER too late.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 08:08 PM

you have done what you needed to about living space...a house in a quiet place. You WILL get used to that and probably love it!

as to relationships, well...just do the OTHER things you like...music, church, books...whatever ...and you will gradually find people who enjoy the same things. And sometimes relationships just happen in such circumstances (it did for ME when I moved to Wash DC 25 years ago)....you can't plan them or worry about them.

You are off to a good start.....

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:11 PM

Thanks for the good words, Doug & Bill. It's been a pleasure getting to know both of you in the past few years. I know you both know what you are speaking about. You, too, Jeri; I think you know I care about you! Today has felt like a rather frustrating day, even though I got some things done. I started w/ a 2nd unsuccessful church visit. The church was fine, but didn't feel like a good fit for me. Then, I met w/ a landscaper who lives down the street. Ironically enough, he moved here from the town I just left & still does much of his work there (1 1/2 hrs away!). He will help me w/ some of what needs doing, but it will be time-consuming & expensive & I still have other calls to make to get everything done. Don't get me wrong--I'm not trying to turn this into house beautiful; I'm just trying to do what needs to be done. It is ghastly hot & humid here, which makes manual work hard to do. Nonetheless, I started organizing my files & have unpacked more than half of my books. That's good progress! I suspect it may be sometime before I feel really comfortable, but each day takes me closer to that goal. And each thing I do makes the house more mine. I seem to have spiders in the house & I'm not talking daddy longlegs. I've been suspecting that they are biting us. When I have the exterminator in for the carpenter ants in the retaining wall in the flower beds, I think I'd better mention that, too, even though I hate poisons. Did I mention the huge oak tree that needs to come down? I have no idea what that may cost, but I have a lead on someone to call & my letter carrier's dad makes furniture & wants the "butt stump!"

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:49 AM

Sweeite, I've lived here for a year and just unpacked the last box yesterday... that is, the last box that's gonna get unpacked! Don't feel you have to accomplish everything before school starts!
I'm sorry about the churches- I know that's important to you, and further, that once you find the right fit, it will open up a community of friends. Keep heart, and keep trying!
You know where I am if you need a loving voice!
Allison

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:58 AM

Thanks, Allison! Last night, it was the bugs bugging me. I have spiders, moths, & now mosquitoes inside my house. Sigh. Any thoughts on getting rid of mosquitoes inside in a way that doesn't hurt humans?

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 09:24 AM

bbc - re: churches - just to remind you (though I'm sure you know) give them a second shot AFTER the start of the school year...you may find one is a better fit - often the entire tone of the church is different during the summer then during the school year. Good Luck!

(from he who is often chided for missing church from the middle of june until after Christmas - but hey! I WORK most of those weekends!!!!)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:01 AM

Hey Doug, good on you man!
You remind me of the old man(85) who got married for the first time, and a friend said, "Why did you wait so long"?
Old guy says, "Well, if you get a good one, she's worth waiting for. If you get a bad one, you don't have long to live with her."

Spaw, now I AM depressed! (Now that I've stopped laughing)!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:44 AM

Re mosquitos - first thing you want to do is find out if they're breeding inside the house. They like standing water - check the basement. Unused toilet tanks and drain traps in an unlived-in-for-a-while house quailfy as standing water, but as long as you're running water in them now, there shouldn't be anything new hatching.

If they're coming in from outside, check your screens both for holes and to make sure they're firmly seated in the windows.

As for the mosquitos already in the house, how many?
Only a few, but too many: squish

Ravening hordes:
-Many biting mosquitos are attracted to light
-ALL are attracted to carbon dioxide. You can't stop exhaling, but it's a handy-to-know fact. The mosquitos will go where the highest concentration of CO₂ is. Dry ice is frozen carbon dioxide.

• The traps we used in the Air Force consisted of dry ice in a paper bag, hung up (because the evaporating CO₂ goes down)
  with a tube rubber-banded to the bag's opening going down to the mouth of the trap. You could probably just set the bag & dry ice so the opening's right in front of the fan.
  
• The trap itself - well I can't remember exactly. Reconstructed for home use. The basics would include a little teeny, weak fan (one of those personal desk fans or weaker) blowing into the mouth of a mosquito-proof net.
  
• We used to use cut off bits of "No-Pest Strips" in a jar to kill them, but you could just stick the whole net in a plastic bag and shove it in the freezer for a few hours. Shake the skeeters out and start again.

Paper bags, nets and fans are easy. The hardest part is finding dry ice. Medical laboratories will either have it or know where to get it.

If the mosquitos aren't sounding as annoying as all this, go back to squishing. You'll eventually wipe out the current crop and hopefully prevent re-infestation.

In any case, I sympathize with you. When I moved in here, I found I'd have to put up with various plagues.
Moths: The dry food is in plastic zip-lock bags, sealable plasticware or the fridge/freezer.
Squirrels: Fix the hole in the roof. Catch the one that got in through the unused wood stove chimney and plug that up.
Ants: Ant cups
Spiders: If I can't see them, I don't care. If I can catch them, they go outside. If I can't, they get squished.
Flies: Just wait for fall when the cluster flies start looking for a winter home. Fly stips. Gross, but effective.
Chipmunks in the basement: Yell at them and chase them around. They're smarter than squirrels. (If mine have been back, they've been quiet.)
Mice: Don't leave anything they can eat lying around. Reducing clutter helps (I've got a snowball's chance in you-know-where to do THAT one). Mouse traps. Cat.
I know I'm forgetting something...

Sorry for the length, but good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 01:58 PM

Moth balls are a good way to drive squirrels out. Collecting them is another matter LOL

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 03:07 PM

Kendall, I've never tried it myself, but I hear that a microscope and itsy-bitsy tweezers work best. Some moths might object to this so proper anesthesia is important. Of course some can't survive the anesthesia so it's better if you just get them to agree and sign a consent form. A brief word of warning......As it takes 197,743,681 moth balls to treat one coat, start early in the morning with your surgery.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 03:43 PM

Hey, Kendall,

They're putting in the new septic tank right now. You should be able to visit soon!

:)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 04:25 PM

being that romantic, you wont be single long. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 05:45 PM

I dunno, Kendall; is that good news or bad news?

Wondering in Copake

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 05:55 PM

Jeri,

Thanks for taking the time to give me all the vermin info. I couldn't resist printing it out for future use. Good thoughts about the screens being firmly seated & about unused toilets. Both are possibilities. I've had bites for the past couple of days, but assumed I was getting them outside. Then, last night, when I was reading in bed before going to sleep, I killed 2 & missed 1. Not a good way to start a night's rest! I had a brand-new huge bite this am. We'll work on it.

Boy, putting in a new septic tank is a big job! I've had 5 men in the backyard for hours now!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:21 PM

I can't remember the last time I had 5 men in MY backyard. (Shut up Spaw.)

Barb, if it had been me, I wouldn't have been able to sleep unless I got the last one! Having them bite me while I'm asleep is almost a phobia with me. What might help is to leave the light off in the bedroom and the door open and hope they vacate before bedtime.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:14 PM

Rita has a mosquito repellent stuff (the Bert's Bee's)that is based on lemon rather than DEET...it 'seems' to help.. (personally, I don't mind the DEET stuff)...but folks differ. Maybe some of those Citronella candles near the looser screens till you can get them patched/fit better?...even wide masking tape can help temporarily.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:22 PM

Jeri, I'll bet that if you wanted 5 men in your back yard, they would be there.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:21 PM

I flushed the toilet in the basement & made sure the screen in my bedroom was on tight. That may have been the culprit. Otherwise, it may have just been bad luck. The screen door on the front door doesn't close unless you pull it shut & I had had the landscaper visiting that day. Plus the fact, this *is* a lake community (Read that--big mosquitoes!). Yes, Jeri, I did feel paranoid, but it was after 1 am & I figured I'd better try to get some sleep. I put Skin So Soft suncreen on my face & neck & pulled the sheet up, hot as the weather was! Wish me luck tonight!

Today's funny story is that the septic guys worked until about 7 pm & then left without saying anything. They left all their equipment, but the ground was filled in. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to flush or use water, so I called the boss at home. He was very nice & said I could do whatever I wanted, that they just had some raking to do in the am. For now, I have a lot less grass to mow!

Barbara

PS--Never did do anything w/ those 5 men. They were pretty young, anyway!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:55 PM

so, there was a guy sleeping in a hammock (could have been up near NYC)and these 2 mosquitos were hovering over him, discussing supper:

"Well," says the first one, "shall we bite him here, or pick him up and carry him down in that swampy grass by the lake?"

"Better stay here," says 2nd mosquito, "if we take him down there, those big fellows will take him away from us!"

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:56 PM

From my own experience, get some good quality topsoil and buy your own grass seed. Dirt and grass seed is cheap and easy. Getting rid of crabgrass and other crappy-soil loving weeds isn't. The guy who did my leach field used poor quality stuff. (Can't get too mad - he did the whole job for 1/3 to 1/4 of what some folks charge.)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 11:32 PM

Good advice, as usual, Jeri. Boy, do I have a lot to learn (but I should have a good-working septic system for a long time!)! Hey, Bill, I heard that joke at a concert, I think. Scott Alarik, perhaps?

It's been a good day; thanks, all! BTW, I got a call from the new dentist I'm seeing tomorrow. He himself called at 5:15 pm to confirm my appointment. I don't think I'm in Westchester any more!

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:16 AM

Beebs, I'm beginning to think this move may have been ill advised as the content of yoour postings is getting strange:

Good thoughts about the screens being firmly seated & about unused toilets. You have screened in toilets? Doesn't really allow for much privacy......No wonder they're unused. Opt for walls and a door.
I flushed the toilet in the basement & made sure the screen in my bedroom was on tight. Why? Does the toilet flush in through the screen or what? The screen may filter out the larger masses but it still sounds disgusting.
The screen door on the front door doesn't close unless you pull it shut & I had had the landscaper visiting that day. I don't get the relationship....Was he using one of those screened in toilets or what?
BTW, I got a call from the new dentist I'm seeing tomorrow. Lemmee guess.....He's dropping by to use one of your screened in toilets, right? Are these some new way of attracting men???

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 09:09 AM

OK, Spaw, you dirty dog! It all makes perfect sense, at least to me. The previous owners started to finish the basement--put in sheetrock & a ceiling, put in a bathroom, & stopped. So, the bathroom in the basement is not, generally, used. I was following Jeri's advice about standing water. Although the window screens are in good repair, some of them were not pushed all the way into the frames, so I checked on that. The landscaper & the dentist--well, I won't get into that. All I know, for now, is that they both live nearby & seem friendly. I assume they're both married; seems like most people are. I don't plan to go looking for a relationship, this time. If one falls in my path, we'll see.

No new mosquitos last night (& I found my dictionary, so I know how to spell the plural form now!), but the bites I have sure itch! Lake mosquitos are large & viscious!

The guys are back, finishing up the septic system & I'm having coffee. all's right w/ the world, for now. Had a call-back on a new church lead last night. It's a small independent cangregation about 15 minutes from here. Time will tell.

Good day to all,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 09:18 AM

gee, maybe you should just treat the young men as if they were drug dosages - take two; together they'll add up to one older man...

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM

...and rest of that joke goes..."me not wired for 220"

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM

A dab of witch hazel should help with the itching bites, bbc. Also, a mild antihistamine (without a decongestant!)

Between you and Brett in his new house in GUam, I'm having a blast reading these threads! Thanks for sharing and you are doing a great job, lady!

kat

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alice
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 11:53 AM

Hi, Barbara,
This is great, reading about your new adventure!
You can get Benadryl gel to rub on insect bites.
That will help stop the itching. Eucalyptus will
repel the mosquitos. You can buy the oil at a
pharmacy (sometimes have to ask for it at the counter)
or use those paper sheets that soften clothes in
the dryer - they have
eucalyptus oil in them.

Once you get settled in, I'm sure you will be very
happy there.

Love,
Alice

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM

Hi, all,

Boy, each day holds its own surprises. I went to the dentist today for a check-up. The hygienist attends the church I plan to visit on Sunday. The dentist is a singer-songwriter! Has anyone heard of Joel Goldstein? He has a website at www.singingdentist.com. Pretty funny! Well, if I can locate the baking powder, I'm off to make biscuits for dinner.

later,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Deckman
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 06:28 PM

I went through a very similiar change some years ago when I divorced my wife of 26 years. I left her the house and everything and I moved out to a tiny one bedroom apartment. The change was intense and utterly exhausting. The one piece of practical advice I have is this: be a VERY good friend to yourself. Don't overdo anything. Set clear but small goals each and every day. You must sit down and read, if only for a little, each day. It will get a lot better. CHEERS and good luck. Bob

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:10 PM

As Omar the tent maker said to the King of Persia, "This too shall pass."

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 PM

Hi, Bob,

It's funny for you to say that I should read. A day doesn't go by that I don't. I read before bed; I read during meals, if I'm alone. I had a paranoid fear that I was going to run out of reading material before I could get my books unpacked. Luckily, that didn't happen. I have a large collection of books & many of them reread nicely. Good for me, since there's no Barnes & Noble areound here & the local libraries are tiny!

I am trying to content myself w/ what's getting done. If I wrote it down, I'd probably be impressed. Unfortunately, I've always been one to see all that needs doing, rather than what has been accomplished. Tomorrow, the plumber's coming back. I either get a new sink & dishwasher out of this or a new water heater! The sink, etc. would be more fun, but I should probably go w/ the water heater, before it rusts out.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 08:40 AM

To all readers I highly recommend ISHMAEL, and BEYOND CIVILIZATION, both by Daniel Quinn. Real eye openers. What's wrong with mankind? he nails it.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: JennyO
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 12:31 PM

Hi Barbara, glad to see you are gradually getting it together. I can't help wishing I was already at your stage, though.

You said you found it hard to do without the internet for a couple of weeks. I never thought I would say anything like that. I didn't even own a computer until last November. But now I'm the same as you. It is going to be hard. So I will try to log on when and where I can, and of course I will be heading straight for Mudcat. What a family!

Love, Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:30 PM

Jenny,

What distinguishes our Mudcat friends from the others is that they don't need to be local. We can reach them from wherever & whenever we are. When everything else in your life is changing, that can be a constant--if you have access!

Today, I got my new hot water tank; one less thing to worry about! And found out where we can get our hair cut--a house 1 minute from home! Still plugging away on various things, but life is feeling fairly ok for now. Take a deep breath, Jenny. Your life will get more stable, too.

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:44 PM

Take the time to make the lists, bbc. It will feel good when you can cross off each thing that gets done. Gives one a real sense of progress, esp. when there are still piles of moving boxes, etc. to take care of...you would be surprised to see a list of all that you've already done. You've sort fo done that in this thread, but I'd do one in your own handwriting, too, and put it up where you will see it often.:-)

That dentist sounds like fun!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 04:38 PM

Hey, kat,

As it happens, today I sat down w/ 3 folders of stuff from before the move--the engineer's report & the info on closing out utilities, etc. & establishing them in the new location. I took my to-do lists & *have* been crossing things off. In addition, I made a list of things still to be done & a list of the contacts I have made, so far, to do them. It all feels good & gives me more of a sense of control over my life. Yes, I *am* getting a lot done! Today, I finally contacted the most local pastor of my church denomination. Sure enough, they'd been away on vacation. I still need to clean Jay's bathroom, but I am determined to do it before the day ends!

thanks,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:15 PM

Yea!! Good for you, bbc!!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 02:57 PM

Yay! I got DSL today! Now, I can be on the Internet & not tie up my phone line. Definite progress!

bbc (smiling)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 12:24 PM

Ah yes, to do lists. I have been making a lot of those. It does give a feeling of being more in control, and the sense of achievement as you cross them off is great!

Positive thoughts to you Barbara. It's all going to come together, i know it!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 12:06 AM

Thanks, Jenny; the same to you. You are doing great! Today, my older son invited us to Albany to shop w/ him. Wow, did we get a lot accomplished! It's funny--after only 3 weeks, I find I'm looking at stores differently. I don't take them for granted, now that they are less accessable, & I try to plan my trips to maximize the benefit. We managed to get the things Jay needs for school that we couldn't find around here. And get some things to make life more comfortable. It was all good! And Albany is just 1 hour away.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: lady penelope
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 12:02 PM

I can't add anything anymore useful than what everyone else has already put down here, but I just thought I'd throw in my congratulations for the 'trojan' effort you've put in. I'm glad your world is once again becoming comfortable and I wish you good luck for the future.

" May the light of a thousand stars guide the path to your dreams "

TTFN Lady P.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 01:16 PM

Thank you, Lady P, for your kind words. I went to hear my singing dentist from 11-noon at Hillsdale Days, 10 minutes from here (Town where Falcon Ridge Folk Festival is held). He's fun! I may get the hang of this, after all. :)

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Naemanson
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 07:04 AM

Barb, it sounds like you are doing much better. Keep up the good work.

As for mosquitos, I wouldn't worry about those little things you have there. Last fall Dad was hunting up in The County (northern Maine) when he saw a moose with a mosquito on it. Dad considered shooting but decided to leave the moose to its fate. He was bird hunting and the shotgun was only loaded with birdshot. And those Maine mosquitos charge when wounded....

I know you have enjoyed reading through this thread, Barb. I have laughed out loud at some of the comments made above. We do have a special family here on the 'Cat.

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 10:18 AM

Hi, all (& hug to you, Brett!),

After 3 weeks, I am seeing that all the urgent work on the house is pretty much done. Now, I'm trying to find places for the stuff I probably shouldn't have moved! There are some small, annoying things that need to be done & I'm smacked in the face w/ the knowledge that I really know almost nothing about plumbing, electric, or even putting things up on the walls! I've made connections w/ doctors & tradespeople. I have working septic, hot water tank, clothes washer & dryer, etc.

On the less than good side, I wake up each morning w/ a dull kind of feeling that this isn't really my home. I'm sure the prevailing weather pattern of high heat & humidity & the fact that I have no schedule in the summer probably doesn't help. It will probably also help when I locate a church to attend. A crash time is likely to be between August 30th, when I pack my son off to college & September 2nd, when I start back to work. Gee, 1 weekend. I suppose I am up to that!

Yesterday, I had contact w/ 2 local folks who are really sold on this area--my new hairdresser & my new dentist. It was really nice. I keep finding connections w/ people, too. Some are from my old hometown. My dentist sings, writes music (sort of country/bluegrass) & goes to Old Songs. My hairdresser's son is just starting at the same college my older son attends. Everything will work out; it just takes time.

best for today,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alice
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 11:28 AM

Hi, Barbara,
I have a suggestion for getting the place to feel more like home. Even though things are not quite "perfect" as far as the details, I think you should have a PARTY. Keep it simple. Don't cook dinner for everyone, just have snacks and drinks and invite everyone you have met so far in the new place and tell them they are welcome to bring guests. You will make connections with these people and they will help you feel like you are the hostess in your own HOME. You may even get suggestions on how to take care of the details that are still undone. They will be able to bring more understanding of the community to you instead of you having to search it out.

I recall that when friends of mine moved away about ten years ago, I was lamenting that I wouldn't have a place to go on 4th of July because I always went to their potluck. Duh.. it hit me that I could have a potluck of my own on the 4th of July! So, whenever I can, I have a 4th of July potluck and then another potluck party in October, before we are all home bound by winter, and it really helps to keep me connected with my friends.

Throw a party!

Love,
Alice

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 05:24 PM

Alice, that's an idea I would never have thought of, since I'm not much of a party person. It's a good one, though. I'll see if I can get my head around it.

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 11 Aug 03 - 04:26 PM

so don't call it a party - invite people over for a "musicale" - or a jam - or a song-circle, or "meet my friends" (play them a selection of MudCat Cd's!)

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alice
Date: 11 Aug 03 - 08:04 PM

Barbara, you should definitely invite your singing dentist over, his hygienist, his secretary, and anyone else you met in his office. Invite your hairdress, the plumber, and be sure to tell everyone to bring spouses and guests. If the dentist is typical of us folkies, he'll take any chance to perform a few songs, and there you have your entertainment!

Stock up on easy snacks and liquid refreshment, and presto chango, you have a party in your living room.

Alice

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 03 - 10:45 PM

You could call it a house warming as soon as you like -- it's quite usual and a good way to break the ice and form new friendships.


A

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 09:16 AM

Aw, shucks, now I feel shy about posting, 'cause I don't know if I'm up to a party yet. I don't think I've entertained in years (been busy single-parenting) & when I did, it was usually the small # of folks to dinner--not what you'd call a party. Maybe it *is* time for a change; I just feel insecure about it.

Yesterday, I got my new kitchen sink & faucet & got my plumbing leaks fixed. Also, talked to the landscaper & tree guy about what needs doing in the yard. More thousands of dollars of work--sigh! I got all of my books & files unpacked. That felt good! Today, more cleaning & making phone calls about stuff. Lately, it's been raining every day, but it's still hot & humid. I don't know when I'm going to be able to finally mow the lawn!

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 09:23 AM

yup - that's been the weather lately - hot and humid - except when it's humid and hot - makes for a change at least.

Don't stop posting, please! it's natural to feel insecure about throwing a party - no matter what you call it - but can't we hold yourhand and jolly you out of those insecurities? compared to what you have already done, what is one little party? nada, zilch!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 11:40 AM

bbc, we've been in our new home for over a year and I still haven't had any kind of party and don't feel prepared for one, yet either, so don't feel badly. You've done more to meet people and *connect* in the few weeks you've been there, than I think most people do in a few months. You've done really well, imo! Everything in its own time and you'll know when that is.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 08:39 AM

Hi, folks,

I find that I'm starting to lose track of how long I've been here; that's a good sign (or a sign of age!). In the past week, I've spent my 1st nights alone at the house, while the kids were in Oregon visiting their dad; it went fine! I've also had my 1st guests--dear friends from Wisconsin. That prompted me to make decisions on the boxes that were still sitting around undealt w/. Most are in the basement, but some got unpacked. Regardless, they are no longer in my living space. Boy, the house looks bigger! I baked for the 1st time--brownies--& successfully located all my ingredients & supplies. They even tasted good. I've decided that, even though I will continue to look for a local church, I don't need to cut off ties w/ my former church &, in fact, it's probably a good idea to visit there, now & then. I still have some things to face. Today, I had better mow the lawn (have to put oil & gas in, 1st!). Between rain almost every day & unpacking, if I leave it much longer, I'm gonna need a baler! We've seen a couple of doctors & they're nice. Basically, folks, it's all good. Now I need to pull myself together to do some preparation for school (starts Sept. 2nd) & kick Jay's rear end to get him ready to move into college on August 30th! We'll see what I think about empty nest.

best to all,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 10:20 AM

You will be just fine, deah!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 10:47 AM

When are you coming to visit, Kendall? Now that I've had my 1st guest, I'm ready! As of August 31st, I have a guest room.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alice
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 11:55 AM

That is great news, Barbara. It is wonderful to hear all the successes along the way of establishing your new home.

All the best,

Alice

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Art Thieme
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:02 PM

Barbara,

You deserve a hell of a lot of CREDIT. You are making it work---and that's truly admirable. What an amazing adventure we're all on. The QUEST IS THE GRAIL !!!

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 01:07 PM

Right on Art!
bbc, I'll test your new septic tank one of these days!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM

It's hardly a village, but I liked London. Parts of it are run down and dirty, but the place has a certain panache that you don't find just anywhere.
I also liked Aldershot, and that little town in Yorkshire where we went to the festival. Dave the Gnome forced me to drink spiced rum, so, don't recall the name.
By the by Dave, I still have your little torch

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 04:23 PM

How the hell did I get this in this thread? It belongs in the prettiest village

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 04:53 PM

Skipper, something is dr-a-w-w-w---i--i-i-i-ing you to BBC's place!!   Watch Ouuuuutttt!! :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: kendall
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 09:25 PM

I'm not afraid of republicans!

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 09:53 PM

Hey Barbara, Now your even closer to the pottery.! Come visit when you want to get out.Ill give you a house warming flowerpot ... Im right on the Litchfield Wahington line on rt 202 nr the intersection of 341. Lots of love Guy

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 10:31 PM

Hey, Guy,

What a nice offer! Yes, it had crossed my mind that I am closer now. As soon as Jay goes off to school & I get a handle on my library lessons (& before the snow falls!), I'd love to visit. Now, where are those directions I used to have?!!!

Kendall, you made me laugh.

Art--you are such a sweetheart. It's been such a pleasure getting to know you!

BTW, I *did* get the lawn mown, all by myself! :) I know it sounds like no big deal, but it was the 1st time I've done it in 6 years. Made me tired & hot, but it felt good, just the same! I made something for dinner just for me & I smiled.

Folks, thanks for all your loving kindness!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Alice
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 10:56 PM

Barbara, what are the colors of the decor in your house - living room walls, drapes, etc?

Alice

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 11:48 PM

Decor, Alice, what's that? Just joking, although I'm not much of a decorator. The livingroom has rust wall-to-wall carpeting & a field stone hearth that covers one wall. I have a loveseat & chair w/ brown, beige, rust,olive, & deep blue plaid, plus an olive recliner. The mistress bedroom has powder blue wall-to-wall. I tend toward wood & earth tones & am simple & informal in my style (if style it can be called!). Livingroom walls are off-white/beige. Bedroom is blue, although that will change, if I get motivated. I'm not much of a painter. The drapes in the livingroom are a kind of nasty gold. Again, time & motivation may change that.

That's it; I need a decorator! Anyone volunteering to visit & give my house a make-over? Remember, after August 31st, I have quite a nice guest room! :)

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 07:07 PM

Wolff Pottery is on rt 202 just east of the intersection with 341 on the boarder between Washington and Litchfield Ct. Im sorry I hadnt seen you were a Fan of Lui Colins . We did a concert together last week . We havent played togther for 25 years and it sounded like we never stopped. I think you would have had fun. When we do it again I'll let everyone here know. Hope to see you soon . My teliphone is 860/868/2858 if you need it .. Al the best , Guy

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:51 PM

Thanks for the info on location, etc., Guy. As soon as I get my son off to college & I settle into school a little myself, I'll get in touch. Yes, I just saw your other thread. I would have loved to hear you & Lui together. Perhaps another time--great!

Looking forward to meeting another Mudcat friend in person!

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved--1-year update!
From: bbc
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 08:40 AM

One year ago, today, I moved into my new house. To say that a lot has happened this year seems like an understatement! In addition to moving from the house where I raised my kids & lived for 21 years, I ended a major relationship & resumed another one. I believe that both were good choices. Resuming my relationship w/ Rick, however, has caused quite a bit of upheaval in how I view my life. I bought this house expecting to be here forever & alone. Now, I suspect that is unlikely. I will probably rethink my location when my younger son graduates from college in 3 years.

Status report on the house, etc.--I was shocked to find that Copake is very isolated! I knew that I was moving close to work & I still like that--a beautiful, relaxing 20-25 minute commute on easy roads. The problem w/ beautiful & relaxing scenery is that there are not enough doctors for the population & that any major stores are some distance away (good food stores are a half-hour away & the closest mall is approx. an hour away). I was somewhat embarrassed that I evidently didn't do enough research to realize those facts. In addition, I still haven't found a church within reasonable driving distance that I want to attend. For me, this is the biggest problem & I haven't discovered the solution to it. Weekend time is at a premium w/ my kids 1 hour North & Rick 1 hour South. By this time, I have finally found adequte medical care, I think, but it has been a struggle. Between moving in July & starting to see Rick again in October, I was laying the framework for making local friends & living w/out a significant other. As soon as Rick came back into the picture, however, I stopped making connections w/ others, because I have very little time. So, I haven't gotten to know my neighbors &, since I don't have a church, I really haven't gotten to know any local people. I feel isolated & that's bad. I have a couple of close friends at work & have needed to impose on them a couple of times when I needed rides, but I'd feel better to have more people in my life. The house itself still needs more work, although I got all of the urgent stuff done quite quickly. There are still things in boxes in the basement that probably won't get unpacked unless I get some shelves constructed down there. I'm not completely happy w/ the set-up of my computer room, the livingroom, or my bedroom in terms of furniture. The house is very small. Perhaps, it is too small. It seemed like the right decision at the time, but I may have overreacted to the large house I previously owned that I couldn't manage by myself. I still like the area. When I've been away somewhere, I start to smile as I see the familiar scenery. It really *is* beautiful--the lakes, fields, & mountains. I own my house without a mortgage & it feels good to finally have some financial stability. My job is getting harder each year & is stressful, but I suspect I won't lose it. I have just completed my 6th year in the district. In 11-12 years, I should be able to retire & actually have enough money to live on! In this past year, I've seen the Patons regulary (They live 20 minutes from me), have visited Guy Wolff (wonderful!), & have firmly established a phone friendship w/ a fellow Mudcatter.

Goals for the future--Make decisions on landscaping (currently, I have crushed rock!), get some exterior painting done, decide how to maximize space/usability of computer room, livingroom, & mistress bedroom. There are things like interior painting, replacing the floor covering in the kitchen & the wall-to-wall carpeting that I may never get to, although it might be nice.

Am I glad I moved here? Yes & no. I'm glad I left the previous house. Overall, this one works better for me. I've discovered, however (duh!) that no house/location is perfect. This is the 1st one I chose for just me & that was satisfying. I find that I have no problems w/ living alone for the 1st time in my life. I may have made some mistakes. Let's hope I learn from them. Perhaps I'll choose another home in the future & do better. For now, all things considered, I'm pretty content.

Family update--My older son graduated from college & has his 1st job, 1st car, & 1st apartment about an hour from me. My younger son has completed his 1st year of college. All good!

Thanks for all of your support. Moving here turned out to be a severe & unexpected culture shock for a suburban girl. Your help is really appreciated!

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 01:25 PM

bbc,
Look on the bright side, you are making all your own decisions for yourself. More importantly, you are young enough and flexible enough to understand that no decision is permanent. You can up and move if and when the mood strikes and be responsible for your own happiness.

Take stock of what you love about this home. There are things you will not be willing to forgo in a new place. While in it, make it your home not just the place where you sleep.

Life is very good.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 04:15 PM

Blessings on your anniaversary, dear! I've been in a similarly rural place for 2 years now and I don't ever want to leave. But getting connected to the community was what did it for me. May you too find those ways to connect!

Love,
Allison

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 04:36 PM

We took up our rual outpost about 10 years ago. I can't imagine leaving, now that we just about feel like part of things. It only took that long because we were a bit slow in learning how to let the people here help us fit in. My advice is, pick one person to confide in about the feeling of isolation, and ask them to show you the way out of it. And learn who is who's cousin, and who the main families are. In our area, that's all matriarchal, so the names don't make it easy as all the women gave up their maiden names, but I dunno how it is where you are!

And music. Universal neighbor-maker. Make music and you will make friends.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 10:18 PM

Thanks, friends. From your responses, it seems that I sounded more negative than I really feel. I was all set to fit in, but I find that, between my kids being an hour north & my sweetheart being more than an hour south & all three only being available on weekends, I don't have a lot of discretionary time. It was mostly Rick resurfacing from my past that threw me for a loop. In my mind, I was all set to live a solitary life. Just as I started, I was no longer alone. My outlook is pretty positive; it's just that, yet again, life isn't turning out as I expected it would.

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: mg
Date: 18 Jul 04 - 11:54 PM

if they live an hour north and south, it sounds like you are in the ideal place then. Do they drive at least part of the time to visit you, or take the bus or carpool?

As for the arrangement of the house, just list the details of what you are trying to do and you will be flooded with suggestions. For painting the exterior, try to get one side painted this summer; not the front. Then next summer try for maybe two sides. The four of you working together or even separately can get a lot done.

Do not allow your house to be a storage facility for your sons. Have them rent something if necessary. Don't pick up stuff at garage sales for their future apartments etc...in case you are inclined in that direction. Pare down as much as possible. mg

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 19 Jul 04 - 07:42 AM

Thanks, Mary. My sons usually don't come to me. Most of the activities Rick & I do are from his area, since he lives in a more populated area. Thankfully, the house has aluminum siding, so painting the whole thing isn't an issue--just trim & such. And no, I am not storing much stuff for the kids. It's mostly just that *I* have too much on my own account! I'm off on another trip today--another reason I'm not getting much done at home, but fun!

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved--3 years later
From: bbc
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:44 AM

3-year update on my move to rural New York--

For some reason (probably because I'm home sick & have time), I did a search on the people who call me "beebs." One hit led me back to this thread from 3 years ago, as I was making the transition from a large house in a suburban area to a small house in a rural area, living alone for the 1st time in my life.

There have been many changes in my life in the past 3 years (duh). The 1st 6 months or so in the new location were very hard for me. The house needed a lot of work & I had no connections to help me get it done & little time/ability to do it myself. I really wondered if I'd made a terrible mistake in moving. Literally, the only thing that stayed the same in my life was my job & it wasn't going particularly well. In fact, I got colitis that year from the stress.

Now, I can say with relative confidence that I am feeling pretty settled & happy w/ my decisions. After getting the work done on my house that had to be done, I've moved on, progressively, to things that have made the house more my own--new appliances, some new furniture, new tile in the kitchen, & even a gorgeous sunroom to replace the rotting deck. There are still boxes in the basement (Maybe I'll get to them this summer!), I still have the worn wall-to-wall carpeting, & no interior painting has been done. Guess that says something about my priorities/abilities. (Any volunteers to help? I'll cook for you.) I've found doctors nearby & local plumber, electrician, etc. My life is quiet, but pretty satisfying.

I am living as a single, middle-aged woman. This was a transition for me, too. I was brought up to be married & always expected to be so. Life hasn't turned out that way & I finally find that I am ok w/ it. After the 1st year, I settled on a church where I'm needed, if not completely satisfied. I participate as a single in a local square dance club & attend concerts & am part of the planning committee in an area folk music club. I go to a few folk events each year. Work has gone well for the past couple of years &, as far as anyone can say, I think my job is fairly secure. I have regular phone & email friends who keep me company in the evenings when I need some contact. My kids both live just an hour away & I see them regularly. Most social things I do are now an hour away, but the scenery is pretty & the traffic is light. As I drive back from away, I find myself quite content to be heading home. This is not the life I expected, but I'd say it's all good. Just wanted to share that. I thank you all for the support you've been to me through the past 7 years or so. I appreciate you.

love,

barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:56 AM

I still have lots of unpacked cartons in the eaves of my house. If we haven't used the stuff in 3-5 years, maybe it's time to dump it.

You looked great at NEFFA, bbc. The best I have ever seen you. Maybe the single life agrees with you.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:00 AM

Wow, I didn't realise it's already been that long and had forgotten Brett moved to Guam about the same time!

Congratulations and give yourself another pat on the back! And, save the boxes for wintertime; that's what I am doing. Summer is too nice of a time to spend indoors.:-)

We've been in our place for four years, now and are just getting to the interior painting; scraping the outside in preparation for painting; AND, finally have it all to ourselves as the dau. and grandkid just moved out!

You have a lot of courage, bbc, and it is wonderful of you to share your journey with us. Thanks!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: MMario
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 11:31 AM

I saw this thread pop up and thought "Again?"

Glad you are settled into the rural life, it can be quite a change.

We had a bunch of "city kids" up last fall for my niece's wedding - and they just couldn't believe some of the things we "locals" take for granted - like:

the "next door neighbor" being a half mile down the road

having to drive 2 miles to pick up cell phone service

no Thai, Greek, Moroccan, Mexican, etc restauraunts within several hours drive

no public transportation

no taxies

the impact a very few "visitors" can have on a community

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 12:04 PM

Thanks for your comments & good wishes, friends. Sometimes, it's nice to see how someone is faring, to give perspective on our own life. I'm certainly enjoying following Brett's experiences in Guam!

best,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 07:20 PM

(((HUGS)))

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 12:11 AM

Barb: It sounds to me as though you have a pretty good life. I'm happy for you. You are a super lady in my opinion.
Love,
DougR

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: bbc
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 07:47 AM

Hey, Doug, when did you become a guest? I've been glad to see your life going in good directions, too.

love,

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: bbc has moved
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 12:34 PM

Guess I lost my cookie, Barb. First time that has happened. You know how fond I am of folks who sign in as "Guest." :>)

DougR