BS: A Fart On All Your Houses

Subject: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:27 PM

it could be interesting

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:28 PM

Fucking nazi lover

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:28 PM

if this proves popular, we must gather together Hull Farting Club to conduct the experiment

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:31 PM

an interesting point raised by guest there.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Once Famous
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:38 PM

Brit mentality?

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:42 PM

Any mentality?

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:48 PM

GUEST is just tempermental:

   95% temper, 5% mental

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:17 PM

This entire thread is a sterling example of the absolute pissant most mediocre the Mudcat has to offer...

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Once Famous
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:26 PM

It's a wonderful thread, Amos.

Glad you participated.

Why don't you start a thread on how farts manefest and their impact on Republican propaganda.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:33 PM

If there is an expert on

    "the absolute pissant most mediocre the Mudcat has to offer..."

that expert is surely Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 04:32 PM

Oh, bullroar, PDQ. You know perfectly well this is far below the best the Mudcat has been and that it is an effort to promulgate second-rate claptrap. Face up to it. Why not strive for excellence instead of defending horse pucky?


A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Once Famous
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 04:36 PM

Do you like your promulgate done rare or medium well?

And quit discriminating against horses. There pucky is no worse than coes or aborigines for that matter.

I

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 05:16 PM

bugger off amos or i will curse a fart on all your houses

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 06:24 PM

Kay:

I am not afraid. I have children who are more mature than you are. But curse away if it makes you feel better, and if you would rather actually communicate, feel free to drop me a PM and let me know where I am awry.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 07:20 PM

fuck off its a BS section, youre the immature one coming into BS section and moaning at EVERY post that is not "mature" by your standards.

Well some of us like to laugh and relieve boredom at work with this website, so sod off and keep your opinions that dont matter to anyone to yourself.

I am going to plant a HUGE fart on your house and i hope it lingers for the rest of the time you live there. that will wipe the smile off your face... oh i forgot, you DONT HAVE ONE.

K THX

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:46 PM

Kay:

Gee, that's about the third-rudest message I've ever gotten on the 'Cat.

Never mind, I understand. It's boring as hell doing work. I just thought you might raise your sights a little as to what kind of things you do for fun. Tell you what -- save the huge farts for the office, and maybe they will learn to not be so boring, laugh at fart jokes and be more sensitive to your sense of humor. That will improve the morale, and therefore the margins, and all will be well.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:00 PM

s6k - he says you're in third place. That's only good for a bronze. Try a little harder, move up two places and go for the gold!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:24 PM

Please explain exactly how you propose going about this farting.

Farting "on" a house would require that one be suspended above said house in some fashion. Sure, one could easily fart on a single wall or a floor, but that would not accomplish the objective of farting on the entire house at one fell swoop, as it were.

And actually, if you look carefully at the thread title it says "A Fart On All Your Houses". Does that mean that one is proposing that a single fart be divided among the houses of all the members of the Mudcat Cafe'? Surely that would weaken the effect of said fart to the point of it barely being noticeable. Unless, that is, you were able to somehow convince Catspaw49 into donating one of his notorious farts, which is pretty unlikely, Spaw being a bit of an Anglophobe.



Of course, you could just re-title the thread to something that makes more sense like "A Fart in the General Direction of All Your Houses" but then you would have to acknowledge Monty Python's influence upon the title or you would definitely be guilty of plagiarism and possible copyright infringement and may wind up farting in a jail (or gaol) cell.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:25 PM

s6K always look at the person criticising you and ask yourself,
" Do I aspire to be like this person? ".

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 12:10 AM

Please, please, let's be rational. Here s6k is trying to develop a humane alternative to "a plague on both your houses," and all some people can do is criticize.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 12:42 AM

Wouldn't a Gold Fart be a bit messy?

Dammned if I know what you would have to eat to get a Silver One though...

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST,The Bard
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:50 AM

"Do you shite your bum at us, sir ?"

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:58 AM

hahahahahahaha. the bard has the idea.
and i have a fan!! leeneia. many thanks.

about the inquisition from Bee Dubya Ell, no dividing of one fart, the idea is currently proposed that the entire Hull Farting Club use our helicopter and be lowered by rope above each house. a megaphone will also be used to ensure that the occupant of each house knows what event has just taken place on their house.

i think in romeo and juliet if the threat had been a fart on all your houses, then people would have taken note.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST,The Same Bard, Again
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:02 AM

Better beware, good cat lords all, for as 'tis writ in my Tragedie of the Prince of Denmark:

"For 'tis the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his owne petar."

Take heed ! Good sport indeed !

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 06:50 AM

I'm training on Old Peculiar, mushy peas and curry.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 06:53 AM

If one must die, as oft as breath departs,
Then he must often die, who often farts,
And if to die is but to lose ones breath,
Then deaths a fart, so a fart for death.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:12 AM

Eric,

That little quatrain, like many farts, is a bit strained, but overall is a real Quality fart joke.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:23 AM

The Quality of Farting is not Strained.
It droppeth as the gentle Breath from Heaven,
Upon the Place Beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes."

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 10:47 AM

I am sure you would like your own farts to drop as the gentloe breath from Heaven, FT, but the chances are they drop more like a rude blast from hell...damning the recipient to long suffering while the providor merely enjoys relief.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:02 PM

ET TU FARTé

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:07 PM

A classicist!! Who'd have thought you had such literate roots!! Well done, really. A cut above the ordinary. But I am sure you can do better, still.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:29 PM

Thanks for the clarification, s6k. I was reasonably sure that your plans would involve the use of helicopters, but I was not aware of the existence of the Hull Farting Club until now. That bit of information brings it all into focus. A large Sikorski with pilot, copilot and twelve dedicated farters, all members of the HFC. The copter hovers above an offending Mudcatter's house while Farter # 1 is lowered to a spot just a few meters above it where he releases a mighty blast. Farter #1 is then reeled back onboard where he replenishes his fart-gas supply by eating copious amounts of baked beans, Brussels sprouts and egg rolls until his turn in the rotation comes up again. Splendid! Have you contacted anyone in Hollywood regarding negotiations for the movie rights? They could do something like the scene in "Trainspotting" where the guy goes down the toilet only it could be shot from an egg roll's point of view. Arnold might even be convinced to put being the governor of California on the back burner for a few weeks so he could play the lead.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:45 PM

HASTA LA VISTA, FARTY

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:48 PM

don't shout KAY you will wake people.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:51 PM

Kay:

So glad your plans are coming together!!

And the maturity thing? Well, no problem. It will happen, and at some rate or other. Entirely up to you whether it be soon or late; some prefer staying childish longer, for reasons too complex to go into just now.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:15 PM

Amos she is young and having fun. What is your problem?
She isn't hanging around on a street corner with her skirt up her jacksy, selling her self for the next fix.

s6K you'd better not be! Go girl!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:18 PM

Was it Burns? Or McGonagle???

Where 'ere ye be, let ye wind gan free
Be ye in Church, or be ye in Chapel
Fart awa' and make the windies rattle...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:46 PM

Me? Problem? No problem at all. I'm having fun myself, now that you mention it!!

What's your problem?


A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 03:23 PM

it wasnt a skirt it was hotpants!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:11 PM

Sorry Amos, your idea of fun just came across as patronising twaddle, my mistake.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

Right -- no apology necessary -- I get delusory about other people often enough myself.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:34 PM

BTW, has anyone noticed that resenting people disrupting the flow of your conversation is a two-way street?

Funny how that works, huh?

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 07:04 PM

nobody cares what you have to say any more, sod off.

anyone wanna see me in my hotpants? :p

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:01 PM

Sure -- feeling aLL GROWN UP, ARE WE? JOLLY GOOD.

Can you infect others with that spirit of intelligence and maturity?

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: pdq
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 10:50 PM

Can you, Amos?






















NOT!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Gervase
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 04:27 AM

C'mon Amos, we old farts are always going on about gtting the next generation involved in music. If a nine-year-old wants to make her first forays into it by posting fart and bottom jokes in the BS section of the Mudcat, let's not get too heavy on her. By the time she reaches puberty she might be able to make a genuine contribution.
After all, we don't level at the guns of art criticism at our youngsters' early attempts at finger painting...
Anyway, to get pompous for a moment (Moi?!), good fart jokes have a long and noble history. Aristophanes coined a word which should have wider use today in lifts, cinemas and crowded places - apopathuramai (I fart for my own benefit). And we've all done it, even if just to raise a snigger.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 06:11 AM

A fart is just a little thing,
But often does it please,
It warms the bed on a windy night,
And gasses all the fleas.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 06:23 AM

ok, im not nine years old thank you. youre 10 years out my friend

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 07:04 AM

You are doing quite well for a one year old, well done

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 08:16 AM

the expected response, well done for being the one to come out with it

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 10:30 AM

Gervase, and Kay:

You know, you're right, Gervase. I shouldn't be leasning on Kay, and I apologize for singling her out.

It wasn't the fart jokes as such that was getting under my skin -- I am familiar with their noble history -- but the dedicated promotoion of stupidness which upset me. The mudcat has always struck me as a place where those with more than two brain cells could find kindred souls and speak honestly and clearly. When someone runs around spreading idiocies it gets harder and there aren't that many such places left. I just think that we should struggle against the fall of darkness, not dramatize accelerating it.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 11:39 AM

BS section = idiocies will be rife.

Music section ABOVE THE LINE = serious music discussion.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Gervase
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 11:45 AM

Aye, but Kay, just because you're from Hull, you don't have to write drivel. Or is there something in the water in the North-East that has brought on a sort of cyber-Tourette's?

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:08 PM

There's BS and there's drivel, Kay. Good BS is an art-form, even if not about music. You can learn it. But not by covering it up with mud.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:09 PM

s6K has chosen a mudcat name. Why don't you use it, instead of trying to undermine her. It really jars.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:53 PM

Amos it must be wonderful to be so perfect and self righteous. Please accept SINCERE apologies from all those who do not think as you do, and do a you act.

Come on everyone we must try harder to achieve Amos standards.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:57 PM

If I could stoop that low I'd be a limbo dancer.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:33 PM

Hey, anyone want to try some straight conversation here? Guys? Fer crying out loud. If all you can do is pump snide remarks, maybe you should study up, or sompn'. It doesn't seem very productive, and it kinda hurts my feelings, too. You wanna get over this stuff and talk like humans? Awwwww, c'mon. It really really doesn't hurt.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:42 PM

Then stop haranguing a 19yrold. It grates.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:44 PM

I already stopped haranguing her; now I am simply encouraging her to stand up for higher standards of communication! Wot, you think 19 is too young for responsibility? Come on.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:47 PM

"If all you can do is pump snide remarks, maybe you should study up"

Memory not working to well Amos

"The mudcat has always struck me as a place where those with more than two brain cells etc"

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:50 PM

You are not encouraging her. You are patronising her. I am not 19 and can see right through you.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:53 PM

"I am simply encouraging her to stand up for higher standards of communication"

You just don't get it do you - are these the "Amos higher standards"

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: pdq
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:55 PM

It's easy to see right through Amos because there ain't must there.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:15 PM

PDQ:

See PM -- let's get this sorted out.

A

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Once Famous
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:35 PM

Is anyone going to quit over this fabulous thread?

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:35 PM

"It's easy to see right through Amos because there ain't must there."

LOL !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:39 PM

by the way im looking through mudcat rules, to see where it says

"Amos has the right to decide what BS should be posted, and what BS should not be posted"

ill let you know when i find it....

*rolls eyes*

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 06:34 PM

I think Amos fancies s6K!

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 06:41 PM

Thank Gawd you're back. I have been defending s6K for the last couple of days. But I am no more than a lily livered suv'ner.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 06:43 PM

Dam why didn't I think of that, it's courtship before our very eyes, Amos you should have said, it takes all sorts

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 07:15 PM

so, not all GUESTS are bad after all ;)

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 07:23 PM

:-) all part of the service m'lady.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 11:35 PM

This 'ere is the sort of f'read I was talkin' about, s6k! It's bloody offensive. Me Eddie says you ought to get the strap for starting such a rude f'read, and I agree wif him. It's not polite in the least. Jest wot are you playin' at? I feel like I 'ave to wash me 'ands every time I look at the title of this 'ere f'read. It's an outrage!

As for John from 'Ull, 'e assaulted me cousin Rutherford the other night over in 'Ull when 'e was politely askin' for a cigarette. John from 'Ull's a maniac. 'E ought to be put in the Tower of London or sent down under to Australia or summat like that...away from decent god fearing people wot puts their pants on one leg at a time and sings "Rule Britannia" in the shower like me Eddie does.

Disgraceful! Shocking! Scandalous! I am seething wif rightchous indignytion!

Mrs. Olive Whatnoll

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:16 AM

be silent

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: s6k
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:16 AM

also = a fart on your house olive

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:49 AM

Please don't send him to Australia.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:55 AM

him !!! eh it's a her me thinks

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Caroline1984
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 07:01 AM

g'day mates

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 04:53 AM

Hull Farting Club next meeting=Tomorow, at The Marlborough Club, Chants Ave, Hull, 9pm start, all welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 02:55 AM

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 07:59 AM

"She isn't hanging around on a street corner with her skirt up her jacksy"

- It might be if she farts hard enough ! - if she's wearing the hotpants, she'll probably split them up the back !

Subject: RE: BS: A Fart On All Your Houses
From: GUEST,Skinnymalinky
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 12:07 PM

Dave the Gnome:

In yer post to this thread awhile back, wad that no be:

"Fairt awa'..."?

Amos:

Even though you're a swatty horrace, I like yer posts, mostly. (If ye dinna ken what swatty horrace means, ask Dave the Gnome.)

And it's: A Fairt on a' Yer Hooses.

By the way, what's a "jacksy"?