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BS: What I do NOT want for xmas!
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Subject: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Deckman Date: 10 Dec 04 - 08:49 PM Bride Judy and I are being asked what we want for xmas. This year, we found it easier to list those things we do NOT want for xmas. Here's my list ... what's yours? 1. A new wife. 2. Anything requiring batteries. 3. More cats. 4. Any fashion item. 5. Any modern music. 6. Any club membership. 7. A call from President bush. 8. A call from my doctor. 9. A cwll phone. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:11 PM I absolutely do not want a 1939 Martin D-28! And while I'm at it, I do not want a 40 foot Betram sportsfisherman, a 1966 Shelby Cobra, or for one of my songs to be recorded by Nora Jones. See how easy it is to not want things that you know you'll never get anyway? |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Deckman Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:19 PM TOO FUNNY! Bob |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: dianavan Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:51 AM a cold or the flu |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: open mike Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM a necktie to be lonely famines, wars or pestilance hunger, bombs, disease pain grief |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: jimmyt Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:14 AM 1 a spot on my chest Xray 2 a letter from the IRS 3 another staff member telling me she is pregnant and will only be off for 12 weeks then things will get back to normal 4 a rash 5 any Disco music 6 an electric jar lid remover, eggscrambler or any of the other completely stupid kitchen inventions that miraculously appear a month before Christmas on TV 7 another membership to fruitcake of the month club 8 another coffee table book like"Legends of Miniature Golf" or "The most quaint villages in Botswana." 9 electric thong warmer ( although I am working to release this item for infomercials in Oct 2005 so keep an eye out forit, would be a great gift for Gramma. 10 another letter from Oaklet pleading for contributions for yet another sex change operation (pick a sex, Oaklet, and get happy) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: mack/misophist Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:19 AM Anything. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,kendall Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:39 AM An electric guitar, A Niel Young tape A Neil Young cd snow |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Sorcha Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:44 AM More neurosurgery on my neck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST Date: 11 Dec 04 - 12:48 PM Deckman-- You'll probably be able to avoid a cwll phone---it would have to be imported from Wales. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,Ron Davies Date: 11 Dec 04 - 12:49 PM Curse this "cookie" problem--that was me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Bill D Date: 11 Dec 04 - 12:59 PM well, I reasonably sure I don't want any chocolate-covered sauerkraut...... and a whole bunch of the troubling things already mentioned. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: InOBU Date: 11 Dec 04 - 01:00 PM twelve days of hemoroids |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM Any more chia pets. My beloved family has already blessed me with every chia critter imaginable. I would also love to do without Xmas entirely for all eternity, but unfortunately that is as likely as a chia pet-free Xmas at this point... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:44 PM And pass me more of that punch, while yer at it... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: jacqui.c Date: 11 Dec 04 - 02:54 PM Anything smelly. Chocolate (can't stand the stuff) To get woken up by the dog next door at five o'clock in the morning. To get woken up by Kendall swearing at the dog next door at five after five in the morning. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Bill D Date: 11 Dec 04 - 03:19 PM give that dog some of the chocolate sauerkraut that I won't be using.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Cluin Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:51 PM Bad news. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: jonm Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:00 PM Anything which reads: "fun for all ages" "one size fits all" or "removes unwanted hair" |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Cluin Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:30 PM or "some assembly required" |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: frogprince Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:58 PM Rap CDs A new house A new wife Pajamas, for either my wife or myself A low mileage Yugo A complete set of the "Left Behind" book series. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Gypsy Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:53 PM Any more complaining about: the season, the holiday, the WEATHER (go figure, it is december, and horrors, we have RAIN) Mebbe i should amend to say COMPLAINTS! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,Art Thieme Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:25 PM Five dollars -- American---in cash from anyone who sees this post!! Art Thieme Peru, Illinois |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:35 PM Sorcha, I've had three of those surgeries on my neck. One on the lumbar. I truly understand. As it's turned out, I may not've needed them. None of the above for Christmas or Labor Day or anything else. We ought to P.M. but I cannot re-set my Oreo. Art Thieme |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:47 AM Dear Santa, I would like a spell of time without any major family catastrophes, please? And if you could get one of your elves to watch over the cars and appliances, I could do with no more breakdowns for a little while. Very truly yours, Allison |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:53 AM I don't want another major appliance to break down thank you... neither do I want another emergency visit to the Vet, which seems to happen with monotonous regularity at bank holidays. I'd rather not have a trip to my local casualty unit with chest pains either.... I wouldn't be too upset with snow.... just so long as it was the wrong sort and I couldn't get into work on the Tube.... but I would be upset with howling rain and gales, which is what we seem to be in for. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 13 Dec 04 - 05:03 AM ...the same world atlas as Art Thieme. I always thought Peru was in South America. Unless his typing is INCAherant! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Crystal Date: 13 Dec 04 - 05:16 AM Anything which isn't money! (Well that isn't strictly true because chocolate is good!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Little Hawk Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:14 AM A boxed set of DVD's comprising ALL of Ronald Reagan's films! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Paco Rabanne Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:16 AM Anything that explodes when you attempt to open it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST Date: 13 Dec 04 - 12:34 PM Tickets to the bloody Ice Capades A resolution to the NHL Strike The New Elton John Album A reptile |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Amos Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:08 PM A lavendar tuutuu with little killer whale appliques on it. A quart of genuine bull sperm, room-temperature. A blue-haired wig with built-in tinfoil "beam-foiling" capabilities hidden inside. A hardwood letter opener with a pop-top remover built into the handle. A plywood guitar which only stays in tune for one chord at a time. A handbook of Gordon Lightfoot Bass Runs Inter alia.... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Little Hawk Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:03 PM "Beam-foiling" capabilities??? Gad! I need one of those BAD! The alien ships have been seriously interfering with things around here lately. Either that or it's the CIA. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:07 PM Oh Amos.. if only you had posted that before your Secret Santa posted your present..... And it took ages to sequin all those orcas by hand! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Amos Date: 13 Dec 04 - 08:07 PM I think I will accept the gift with grace and turn it in on some black silk boxer shorts with white whales leering on front and stern. Like McMurphy used to wear... A |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Jim Dixon Date: 13 Dec 04 - 08:44 PM Anything bought in a "gift shop." Anything that is advertised on TV only during the month or so before Christmas. Anything cute or funny. Anything relating to grooming. Anything electronic that has not been given a high rating by Consumer Reports. Anything I will have to install. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Roger the Skiffler Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:59 AM Dear Santa. None of the following, thanks: Socks Handkerchiefs Cardigans (I'm not dead yet) Baileys (still got a part bottle festering away somewhere, I need METAXAS!) Anything Xmas-themed , "amusing" or novelty that I'll just take down the charity shop later Quiz books. I last ran a quiz about 8 years ago and have no plans to do more Ties (I'm RETIRED, dammit) Long sleeved shirts (see above) Aftershave: it brings me out in a rash RtS |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: ThreeSheds Date: 14 Dec 04 - 12:25 PM Anything to "grow" into Any book with bible in the title ie The offall cookbook bible, or the Attic converters bible Any CD with the best of in the title |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,Slightly disappointed but still hopeful Date: 14 Dec 04 - 12:47 PM I don't remember expressing any interest in one, but I AM getting #6 on jimmyt's list. I was not snooping. I was stowing some things in a storage room and there it was: a Black and Decker jar opener. Sigh. It's useful because I can't open jars anymore – not even with my Oxo thingy – but I was hoping for something a bit more fun or romantic or imaginative or chocolate. Sigh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Micca Date: 14 Dec 04 - 01:50 PM I dont want:- Another large Bill from my legal guy (just had that) another Expensive new Power supply for my computer (just got that too) another new Graphics Card (just got that too) any other major things that cost me more money Neither do I want:- Rap (the C is silent) ANY CD with "Greatest Hits" or "the best of" in the title Any Current (or for that matter Post 1975 and MUCH of the pre 1975) Pop Music any CD with the phrase " Best ever" in the title any recordings of Boy Bands, Girl Bands, hermaphrodite bands, or asexual bands,or aimed at the "Yoof Market" any recordings of winners or contestants in "Pop Idol", "The Xfactor" or any other time wasting pop programs. Schmaltzy Christmas songs or carols Especially "Cliff Adams Singers" type arrangements or recordings of the type " Nigel Kennedy plays the Woodie Gutherie Songbook" Or "Flatt and Scruggs play the Mozart Piano Sonatas" all of these make me Puke!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Tannywheeler Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:29 PM I don't know,Micca. Flatt & Scruggs could probably make a good job of Mozart's Piano Sonatas. Tw |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Micca Date: 14 Dec 04 - 03:17 PM You Know, Tw, Your Right, they probably would!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: frogprince Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:21 PM I've got an old LP of the Percy Faith orchestra playing "Great Folk Themes" that anyone can have for free; I don't remember anymore if it was a gift, or if I actually bought the thing and have repressed the memory of doing so... |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Bill D Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:43 PM Ya' know, Little Hawk, all of Ronald Reagan's films would be worth something! You toss out most of them and KEEP "Bedtime for Bonzo" until you can sell it for big bucks! The family and the Republicans bought up every copy they could find when Ronnie decided to run for president, I understand, and it hasn't been seen for many years! (I saw it as a kid) |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:51 PM A vibrating pussy/kitty on XMAS or the 1st of the Year....because then we know that "someone" has become too hungry, too desperate, too drunk, too lonely .... and they are now too desperate to connect to living souls....usually these lost souls post from hinterlands like Wyom/Colo/NY. Some of these women are in need of someting - they seem to go desperate in the long winter nights - and it is much more than a single gargoyle (or a Joe Clone) can full-fill.
Sincerely, |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Rapparee Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:57 PM A plane crash, or even trouble. Increased airport "security." Money -- nope, don't nobody send me lots of money, and don't toss me in that briar patch, neither. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:31 PM Diarrhea! |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Peace Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM That would be the shits. |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:27 AM continuation of this back pain or a re-occurence of my recent cough, vomiting & diarrhea (it might have been a stray cough that set off my back) sandra |
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Subject: RE: BS: What I do NOT want for xmas! From: GUEST,Art Thieme Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:15 PM I agree, I do not want any Pussy Faith albums. Art |
