BS: Kendall's new 'job'

Subject: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:36 AM

President Bush has come up with a couple of ideas that I agree with. My town of Scarborough Maine has a new program that enlists volunteers to assist with certain jobs that must be done, yet are not critical. Things like, writing parking tickets for people who park in handycap spaces without a plate or placard. Reminding people to license their dogs, to put numbers on their houses that can be seen from the road in case of fire. Checking doors at night after business hours.Demonstrating the proper way to wear a bike helmet, showing mothers how to deal with car seats for children. Stuff like that. It frees up the police for more serious work.
I'm way over qualified, but what the hell, it's a way to put something back.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:43 AM

Kendall you kill me!!
G ☺☻☺☻☺☻

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Becca72
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:44 AM

Car seat checks? I'm having Packard flashbacks...hehe

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 08:48 AM

I'm sorry, Giok, I didn't know it was loaded!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Big Mick
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:01 AM

Man, I love this!!! Great use of talent, and extremely important. I have heard of programs like this, and think they make sense. We have this huge supply of talent out there, and we act like they somehow aren't useful. We have this huge need out there and not enough resources to go around. The facts are that our retirees could probably do most of our jobs better than the folks doing them. It is one of the less desirable hallmarks of American society that it fails to use its retired citizens in positive ways for the good of all of us. Good on ya, buddy.

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:02 AM

I shouldn't tell it, but I will.
When Becca72 was about 3 or 4 years old, I had an antique car, a 1939 Packard with no seat belts or car seat. She was with me one day sitting in the passenger side, and as I came to an intersection, I had the green light. I proceeded to go through the intersection, and a nutcase made a left turn right in front of me. I hit the brakes and Becca was thrown onto the floor. Almost immediatly she up off the floor and yelled at the guy "YOU FUCKING IDIOT" ! I don't ever remember using that word in her presence.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:05 AM

A child prodigy indeed!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Becca72
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:17 AM

It was a short time later that I was banned from the garage when dad was working on the car... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:43 AM

But that was after Mother found you playing under the dining room table. As I heard it, you were swearing like a sailor and tapping on the bottom of the table. When asked what you were doing you said something like "I'm Daddy fixing the car."

Kendall, please tell me that your services will be limited to the Town of Scarborough...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Becca72
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:50 AM

I was trying to get the toilet plunger to stick to the underside of the dining room table...I don't know why, I was 3. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:51 AM

Why limit him? The world awaits! Scarborough, Mathisport, Bangor, Portland, even Augusta. Then Boston, Springfield, Albany, New York City itself, Philadelphia, Pittburgh, Baltimore, Washington DC, Richmond, Charleston, Erie, Cleveland, Columbus....

Kendall could move across the country, a sort of Johnny Appleseed, spreading knowledge of properly installed child seats where ever he goes, handing out tickets for handicapped parking violations throughout this great land.

And Jaqui could travel along, skillet in hand, to keep him in line....

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:56 AM

Remember to pack a portable cellar!
G.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:58 AM

Hehehe!!! "I'm daddy fixing the car." Hehehe!!!

Thanks... I needed a good laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:59 AM

Our local council asks for volunteers to act as 'streetwalkers', reporting on damaged paving slabs, broken street-lights, fly-tipped rubbish and the like but they would be at risk of getting a smack in the mouth if they were to try to tell householders to number their house and check on dog licences.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:00 AM

Kendall went to an orientation type meeting for this job and was rather chagrinned to be shown, by a guy young enough to be his grandson, how to take fingerprints. He commented to me that he had probably been taking fingerprints when this guy's PARENTS were in diapers!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:08 AM

When my son was about three he was puttering outside my home office door and I heard him stop what he was doing and say "shit! shit! shit!" It was a very funny moment, his father poking his head around the corner and concealing a grin with his hand over his mouth.

"Don't you mean 'shoot shoot shoot'?" I asked him.

"No. I meant shit! shit! shit!"

Amazing how they get your accent down exactly when they do that. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:15 AM

ER... Manitas... we don't need dog licences any more....

But we could do with some more people issuing tickets to people who pull up or park on the zig zag lines out side schools and by crossings. Just the sort of job for BeigeMan and his co-hort High
Waistband Boy.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:19 AM

"fly-tipped rubbish " Manitas

Gracious. In Alaska we have to guard against bear- tipped rubbish and we worry about ravens- getting in it but our flies are not big enough to strew anything about and certainly not able to tip the cans. Even our mosquitos are hardly strong enough to do that.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:19 AM

Believe me, it would be much cheaper, and less painful to pay the dog tax than to smack me!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:24 AM

But Kendall, where would the fun be in that?!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:26 AM

Reminds me. I have to go license my two. They're seen on the street regularly on our walks so they're not exactly secret. Will you be checking back yards to see if dogs have tags, Kendall?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:26 AM

Do you get to wear a gun for this job? Just about everybody with an official position wears a gun in the US I find.
Giok
~~~~~~~
On the subject of the things kids say.......
~~~~~~~
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son
playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train
stop and her son saying, "All of you b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now,

cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on,

cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you
to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take
all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and
hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is
no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

"For those of you who are pi**ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see
the fat b*tch in the kitchen."

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:32 AM

Ah.... reminds me of the tube driver who was getting a bit peeved at the delays at Whitechapel station about 3 weeks ago.... It was a rainy Monday morning and he was not a happy bunny.

'Sorry about the delay here... we're being held here because there's some sort of problem up ahead. They've not bothered telling ME what the problem is, but I bet it's some stupid bugger who's left his sodding briefcase behind and wants us to stop the entire Tube line just so he can finish his bloody sudoko puzzle.'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 10:36 AM

No, I won't be going into anyone's back yard, and no I will not be packing any "heat".
The only task that I will enjoy doing is writing tickets for lazy people who use Handicap spaces when not entitled to them.
I would never park in a handicap space. I'm just glad I'm able to walk a little way further.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:14 PM

Over the years in various locations where I've worked in national parks I recall some of the odd extremes people would go to to park close but somehow not be in the handicapped zone. In the Smoky Mountains at Sugarlands Visitor Center one yahoo pulled his humongous station wagon along behind four handicapped places, not on top of the lines and he was perpendicular to the spaces, and managing to block four of them. Too bad I didn't have citation authority, because I'd have written him up for all four. As it was, I suggested that if he'd simply pulled into one of them at least three other handicapped customers would still be able to park in the lot.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Bert
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:30 PM

Kendall, I notice a distinct difference between your town and that of Manitas.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: jeffp
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 12:38 PM

Did you have to lose to the boss at golf to get the job? Just wondering.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Kaleea
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:39 PM

I want some noise pollution enforcers to come around & give away free tickets to all who play car stereos REALLY LOUD!!!!!!
Ever notice that the critters who pollute with noise from their cars aren't polluting with Classical or Traditional Music?
The punishmnent for those yahoos doing the polluting should be that they are required to attend 90 concerts in 90 days of The Banjo & Bodhran Players United Orchestra.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:46 PM

Kaleea,

I used to cut the grass ( with a gasoline power mower) while playing bagpipe music very loudly.

And some of us LIKE banjo and bodhran....

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:51 PM

An old guy back in Indiana -- about 85 -- asked some street punks to turn down the radio in their car. He was very polite, and asked several night running. Each time he was told to piss off.

One night he asked again. Getting the usual response, he pulled out a .357 magnum revolver and blew the stereo in the car to bits.

The cops were displeased, but understanding. Then two nights later another old timer did exactly the same thing.

At that point the cops let it be known that the next person who shot a car stereo wouldn't merely be cited, but would be doing hard time. The practice stopped, and the stereos were turned down to a reasonable level.

So...take warning, Kendall. Cops don't LIKE people to shoot up stereos.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: jeffp
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 01:55 PM

I keep a CD of bagpipe music in my car for those occasions when I am stuck next to a car with a loud stereo at a light. I've actually had people change lanes to ensure that they would not be next to me at the next light!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:08 PM

I cut the cord on a housemate's stereo after many nights of LOUD rock, classical, you name it, when my two oldest kids were about 1 and 3. I got tired of no sleep for the babies and me.

I can't get the image of Kendall using a plunger under his car to fix it!**bg**

The other day my 2.5 year old grandson was sitting on my desk trying out a new phrase. When I finally paid attention I heard , "oh, fuck it, oh fuck it, oh fuck it!" I tried nto to laugh or give it any attention other than to divert him with a new phrase, "Whoa!" (Going head on with this kid doesn't work.)

Anyway, I spoke to his mom that night and she reminded me he'd just spent a weekend with my neice who doesn't like to swear so she uses the expression, "Oh, bucket!" I phoned my neice and told her she might want to change that to something else before her nine month old starts repeating what he hears!

The other one my grandson is quite proud of this week is "I farted." I tell him it's rude and he "passed gas." I get a "No, Momma! I FARTED!"

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM

Kat - when my daughter was about three we were walking down the street when she told me, quite loudly, that she had farted. I said that was not a word that she should use and she immediately yelled, at the top of her lungs, FART, FART, FART, FART!

Almost as bad as when she said in a very loud voice in front of the matriach of one of the roughest, most aggressive families in the area "Look at that lady Mummy, isn't she fat!"

Now she has a son of her own I will get my revenge one day......

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: katlaughing
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 03:14 PM

LOL, yes you will, jacqui!

I can't get the image of Kendall using a plunger under his car to fix it!**bg** should read, "I can't get the image out of my head of Kendall using a plunger under his car to fix it!**bg**

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Becca72
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 03:15 PM

My personal favorite "dad & me" memory is when I was about 2 1/2 and I asked him why there were no blue snakes...and apparently this troubled Dad also, so we got a can of blue spray paint out of the garage and went a-hunting. Found one, too, and I don't think he was all that happy to be painted! But I got my blue snake.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 03:27 PM

http://rurality.blogspot.com/2005/09/blue-snake.html

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Becca72
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 03:34 PM

Thank you, Bruce...but it was 1974 in Maine, and I think I was more concerned with living snakes...of course I have no idea how long he lasted after Dad and I got ahold of him...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 06:15 PM

Wjat, yer gonna have to deal with the public without a gun, Kendall??? Are yopu friggin' nuts, er what???

Heck, if I gotta go knock on a guys door and issue him a ticket fir wearing his danged bicycle helmet on backwards, hey, I I might need me a peacemaker... I mean, folks who wear their bike helmeits backwards ain't right to begin wid...

Sounds like a George Bush scheme to get you oughta his hair...

Hold out for some heat, pal...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 06:19 PM

Maybe I'll accompany him with the skillet.......

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 06:31 PM

I LOVE this idea. I WANT that job of writing tickets to those poor fools who park in handicapped spots.

The stories I could tell.

Please tell more about this job! Is it Fed?

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 25 Apr 06 - 09:26 PM

As I understand it, there is a federal grant for the volunteers. The idea is, if the police find a way to concentrate on real crime, they will have more time than if they are bogged down with minor stuff.

I'll ask for the details, Dani, and get back to you.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 12:04 AM

You have to buy your own skillet, Dani.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: GUEST,Art Thime
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 03:38 AM

Kendall, this thread is why I love and admire you so!

I've mentioned in threads before that I know a dyslexic state trooper from this part of Illinois who was reprimanded for stopping cars to chck for I.U.D.s. But he never (pretty much) stopped anyone but women. He was cited by his superiors for sex discrimination. The first trucker he stopped punched his lights out-----and then sexually assaulted him.

What goes around, comes around (so to speak)...

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Rasener
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 04:16 AM

Reminds me of the time, when my wife almost sliced her thumb off with a sharp knife. Her instant remark was "Bollocks".

Anyway, a couple of days later, we were in Boots (the chemists). We saw some friends of ours and were having a chat with them, and my 4 year old daughter suddenly started shouting at the top of her voice "Bollocks, Bollocks, Bollocks .........". I had to pick her up, and run out of the store with her. It was pretty embarrasing.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 10:04 AM

Dani, it is as I thought, a government sponsored program. Details are at www.policevolunteers.org/

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 04:47 PM

Ah, the memories.....

Limpit, at the tender age of 18 months fell out of a chair and promptly uttered her first sentence ~ 'Oh bowwocks'... needless to say, we stopped using that word.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Apr 06 - 05:12 PM

The new word this week is now "stupid" and I don't like the easy way he has of using it. We think he has picked it up from one particular kid at daycare. I'd rather hear fuck than fart or stupid! I am changing it to "silly" whenever he says it!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: BusyBee Paul
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 06:02 AM

Kendall, Your new job has a similarity to the Police Community Support Officers (PCSOs) we now have here in the UK. They wear a uniform and deal with lots of jobs to free the police officers for the more serious stuff. As the title suggest, they support the community as well as the police and they do a good job too. They don't have any police powers of arrest or the like but there are loads of tasks they can take on.

Good on you for doing it voluntarily.

Hi to Jackie too.

Deirdre (Gainsborough Folk Club).

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: kendall
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 08:45 AM

I just have to get over feeling over qualified. Hell, I was investigating crime and carrying a weapon before most of todays police officers were born!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's new 'job'
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 10:59 AM

Well, damn, Kendall! If you had done it right, we wouldn't need police officers today! Hope you don't get Barney Fife as a supervisor or partner. Then again, maybe he'll add some humor.