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Lyr Req: Tie My Pecker to My Leg

Mrrzy 18 Jul 06 - 06:47 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Jul 06 - 06:51 PM
Mrrzy 18 Jul 06 - 06:52 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM
Mrrzy 18 Jul 06 - 07:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Jul 06 - 08:43 PM
JohnInKansas 18 Jul 06 - 09:56 PM
Sorcha 18 Jul 06 - 10:17 PM
Beer 18 Jul 06 - 10:45 PM
Joybell 18 Jul 06 - 11:08 PM
Beer 19 Jul 06 - 07:36 AM
Mark Ross 19 Jul 06 - 10:11 AM
Beer 19 Jul 06 - 01:50 PM
Don Firth 19 Jul 06 - 02:16 PM
Slag 19 Jul 06 - 03:48 PM
wysiwyg 19 Jul 06 - 03:51 PM
Jacob B 19 Jul 06 - 05:38 PM
Don Firth 19 Jul 06 - 06:29 PM
Don Firth 19 Jul 06 - 06:31 PM
GUEST,Bob Coltman 19 Jul 06 - 06:55 PM
GUEST,Bob Coltman 19 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM
GUEST,Joe_F 19 Jul 06 - 09:07 PM
frogprince 19 Jul 06 - 09:19 PM
dick greenhaus 19 Jul 06 - 09:42 PM
Joybell 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM
Beer 19 Jul 06 - 10:18 PM
Beer 19 Jul 06 - 10:23 PM
Bob Bolton 20 Jul 06 - 12:10 AM
Sandy Paton 20 Jul 06 - 01:05 AM
Mrrzy 20 Jul 06 - 10:13 AM
dick greenhaus 20 Jul 06 - 10:26 AM
Charlie Baum 20 Jul 06 - 10:47 AM
Joybell 20 Jul 06 - 07:57 PM
Charley Noble 20 Jul 06 - 08:43 PM
GUEST 20 Jul 06 - 08:52 PM
GUEST 20 Jul 06 - 09:09 PM
GUEST,Bob Coltman 21 Jul 06 - 10:36 AM
Charley Noble 21 Jul 06 - 07:05 PM
frogprince 21 Jul 06 - 07:31 PM
Bob Bolton 21 Jul 06 - 08:35 PM
Charley Noble 22 Jul 06 - 02:37 PM
John M. 22 Jul 06 - 08:59 PM
Charley Noble 22 Jul 06 - 09:20 PM
GUEST,Joe_F 22 Jul 06 - 11:15 PM
Bob Bolton 23 Jul 06 - 01:29 AM
GUEST,Heard in the 1950s USA 23 Jul 06 - 10:17 AM
GUEST,Bob Coltman 06 Oct 13 - 02:47 PM
Lighter 06 Oct 13 - 04:45 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 06:47 PM

All I can recall is something about needing a gal about 6 foot 10 -she's gotta be that tall so I can get it all in...??


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 06:51 PM

Can't help you on the song, Bub, but here's an idea: go to the zoo and try romancing a giraffe instead.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 06:52 PM

I thought it was the NECK that was long on a giraffe...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM

They're tall. Anyway, here's the thing. Giraffes are totally promiscuous. They do it with just about anything. That's why I'm tellin' ya, Mrzzy, go there. You'll have a decent chance of gettin' some for a change.

Ook! Ook! Ook! (I'm laughin' atcha, Bub...)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 07:04 PM

Always good to learn something new- and they have the longest tongues, too!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 08:43 PM

You're so right...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 09:56 PM

The "lyric" in question appears in a number of "verses" occasionally sung to Old Joe Clark, Old Dan Tucker, Turkey in the Straw, etc., occasionally appearing in almost any "fiddle tune" but with no particular association that I know of with any particular one of them. It has been claimed it was in one of the verses of Ti Yi Yippee but since the preacher destroyed the guest book one will never know for sure.

While I don't remember hearing it in the context, it's similar to the mutable/morphable verses used as marching cadences in Sound Off, etc.

Normally only fiddlers and/or banjoists can pull off singing these versus without damaging their reputations, although almost any instrument can accompany if the performer affects a sufficiently drunken/drugged/debauched state (i.e. some such verses are great fun).

Vance Randolph and G. Legman are about the only "collectors of note" who published anything on "Ribald Songs" of this sort, and I don't recall anything with this fragment in what I've seen by either of them. Most of Legman's reputed collection has never been published. If there's any published background or more complete verse, it most likely will be by the famous "Anonymous" etc.

John


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 10:17 PM

LOL! Never heard this one before! NOT for my kiddie audiences!!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Beer
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 10:45 PM

Use to sing it all the time........But memory has played tricks on me. Can only remember this. Which is a little different than the Post.

It went like this.

" Come tie my pecker to a tree to a tree,
Come tie my pecker to a tree".

I'll sleep on it tonight.
No..No.. I mean, I'll think about it when I go to bed.
Beer


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Joybell
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 11:08 PM

hildebrand here:
we sang it to the tune of The Old Chisholm (or Jizzem) Trail, with these verses:
Went upstairs to get a jug of cider, and
there was a bedbug jackin off a spider

come-a tie my pecker to a pole to a pole etc

went downstairs to to get a jug of gin, and
there was the bedbug a-doin it agin

first time i got her, i got her on the floor, and the
wind from her ass blew the cat out the door

last time i seen her and i aint seen her since, she was
jackin off a ------ thru a bobwire fence.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Beer
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 07:36 AM

Joybell, you brought a line back to me.

Went down the cellar, Get a glass of water.
Saw an old piss pot standing on a post.
Come tie my pecker to a tree to a tree,
Come tie my pecker to a tree.

Beer


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Mark Ross
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:11 AM

I fucked her standing
And I fucked her lying,
And if I had wings
I'd a-fucked her flying,

Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree..........


Mark Ross


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Beer
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 01:50 PM

Curious about something. I first heard this when I was not yet a teen in Nova Scotia. I see by Joybell's location is Australia. Maybe not where he/she first heard it. Anyone else on this threat care to share where abouts you were living when you first heard it?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Don Firth
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 02:16 PM

Come 'n' tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree,
Come 'n' tie my pecker to a tree.

I heard that as the chorus of a lengthy parody (make up all the verses you want) to The Old Chisholm Trail. I first heard it at Scout camp back in the Forties, but for some reason it wasn't part of the regular evening campfire sings. I think it's been around for a long time and has traveled far.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Slag
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:48 PM

All true. Heard many of these verses before I was in the 3rd grade (rough school), ( ca 1957). Then there was "Bang bang on Lu-Lu, bang bang all day, whose gonna bang on Lu-Lu, While I'm gone away. O Lu-Lu had a chicken, Lu-Lu had a duck, She set them on a table, To se if they would---, Bang bang on Lu-Lu etc..

There was another little diddy my Uncle used to sing. It had a million verses or so and it started off:

Ass hole, Ass hole, As Soldier I would be
To piss, To piss, Two pistols at my knee...

If anyone knows the continuation of this one it would be entertaining if not interesting. Maybe is should have a thread of it's owm.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:51 PM

.... how to make this a gospel song.....

~S~


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Jacob B
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 05:38 PM

From the singing of Oscar Brand:

Come along boys and listen to my tale
I'm the horniest bastard on the old Chisholm Trail
And come and tie my root around a tree, around a tree
Come and tie my root around a tree

A steer went crazy and I had to kill it
Shot it in the ass with a long-handled skillet
And come and tie my root ...

The boss said, "Boy, you'd better shove
That steer you shot was my own true love
And come and tie my root ...

Jumped for the saddle, but the saddle wasn't there
Rammed ten inches in the old grey mare
And come and tie my root ...


From "Sing Along Bawdy Songs And Backroom Ballads"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Don Firth
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:29 PM

Yup. A little different, but that's the general idea of the version I learned at Scout camp.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Don Firth
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:31 PM

Although I do find that Oscar Brand tends to sing the cleaned up versions of these songs. . . .

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:55 PM

Slag --

Re your other request, if that's not too much thread creep. Randolph/Legman, Roll Me In Your Arms, p 231 has "A Soldier I Would Be" -- Same as yours, with one further line (not the bugle call rhythm):

Ass hole, ass hole, a soldier I would be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols at my knee,
To fight for the cunt, to fight for the cunt,
To fight for the cunt - er - y.

I feel I have heard more verses, but cannot dredge them up. Anyone else?

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM

Sorry, that should have been "Note" the bugle call rhythm.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:07 PM

Bob C.: You're missing a third line:

Fuck you, fuck you, for curiosity.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Your god is a mixture of your parents and their god. :||


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:19 PM

It kinda saddens me to hear the "tie my" variants here. What I mean is, the grade school guys I grew up with generally knew as raunch a bunch of stuff as anybody; but somehow we missed these. The only thing we had in this tradition was, "Come 'n tie my bippy to a tree, to a tree, come 'n tie my bippy to a tree". Yeesh, the girls at Bible camp could do that good. Where did we go wrong?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 09:42 PM

I heard it as a parody of Old Chisholm Trail back in the early 1940s.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Joybell
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM

OK, Beer, I am indeed Australian but my True-Love is American born and raised. I don't think The Old Chisholm (or Jizzem) Trail, was sung here. Might be wrong though. Cheers, Joy


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Beer
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:18 PM

Thanks for the reply Joy.
Beer


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Beer
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:23 PM

Joy.
I should have added..... Do you get to listen to any John Willimsion stuff"?
Beer


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 12:10 AM

G'day mrrzy,

John in Kansas remarked, up above: "... Vance Randolph and G. Legman are about the only "collectors of note" who published anything on "Ribald Songs" of this sort, ...".

That may be so, but John Mehlberg, who seems to be directly carrying on Legman's work, is a Mudcatter - seeking extra material for his bawdy songs study ... and last posting here about 3 weeks ago. Perhaps you should PM him directly (but remember to keep the discussion alive here on the 'Cat!).

Regards,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 01:05 AM

Arlington, Virginia, 1942. Verses much like those quoted by Joybell.
    Sandy


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:13 AM

It's in Wikipedia as the most vulgar song ever, I think... andI love hearing all these other versions! I've been PM'd the Mojo Nixon verses, I think, as they really are awfully raunchy...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:26 AM

To add to list of pioneering collectors of blue material, Logsden did a fine job with "Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" (a collection of seamier cowboy songs)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Charlie Baum
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:47 AM

The variant version I've heard (1980s):

Ass hole. Ass hole. A soldier I will be.
To piss. To piss. Two pistols on my knee.
Fuck you. Fuck you. For curiosity.
I'll fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's cunt, fight for the Queen's country.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Joybell
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 07:57 PM

Just by the way. Hildebrand is there on John Mehlberg's site, Bob, singing this song. He included the verse about jumping for the saddle too.

Beer, We can get to hear John Williamson fairly easily. We actually don't listen to much in the way of singer-songwriter material but we admire John. He's a good bloke. Comes from a singing family. Cheers, Joy


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:43 PM

Seems like "tie my pecker to a tree" is the most frequent line. I'm only heard this sung as a variant of "The Old Chisholm Trail. I'm not at all sure why "tree" is the choice in this case but one shouldn't argue with the folk process. It knows how to find the ultimate poetic solution.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:52 PM

Overkill time. Versions A & B are from "The Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" by Guy Logsdon. 1995 University of Illinois Press. Versions C-G are from "The Erotic Muse" by Ed Cray, 1992, University of Illinois Press.


[Text A]

Oh, there was a little girl and she lived with her mother,
And never on this earth was there such another.

CHORUS: Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya,
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.

She had scales on her cock, like a damned old sucker,
And her tits hung down like two tin buckets.

There was a little man, and his name was Jimmie Tucker,
And he swore, by God, that he's a-gonna fuck 'er.

He got her in the shithouse up against the wall,
And the first damned job, he stuck in balls and all.

He took her in the kitchen and thought he'd get some more,
And the damned bitch farted, blowed a hole through the floor.


[Text B, Gordon Manuscript (3781), Montana]

Looking for a job, and I went broke flat.
Got a job riding on the Double O Flat

Signs pinned up on the bunkhouse door,
"Punchers allowed at a quarter after four."

"Round up and saddle up some old pitching hoss,
If you can't ride him, you're fired by the boss."

As I come a-riding 'cross the Double O range
I was thinking of my sweetheart that I left on the ranch.

I rode out with the old man's daughter,
Guess I said a few words what I hadn't oughter.

I told her that I'd love her like I loved my life,
I asked her how she'd like to a cowpuncher's wife.

'Said she'd like it fine, but I better see her dad,
For he got the dough, and it might make him mad.

I went to the old man, as all lovers oughter,
I says, "Old Man, I'm in love with your daughter."

He grins and he points to the Double O roan,
That's piled every puncher that ever rode alone.

Says, "If you can ride that hoss, and not pull leather,
You and my daughter can throw your things together."

Went to the hoss, and slammed on my saddle,
Best damn rider that ever punched cattle.

All the punchers yelled, as all punchers oughter,
For they knew I was riding for the Old Man's daughter.

Jumped in the saddle and gave a little yell,
What's going to happen is damned hard to tell.

Spurred him on the shoulder, and hit him with my quirt,
Gave four jumps, and rolled me in the dirt.

Went to the Old Man to have a little chat,
Hit him in the face with my old felt hat.

Went to the girl, and offered her a quarter,
Says she, "Go to Hell! I'm a cow-puncher's daughter!"

Offered her a dollar, and she took it in her hand,
Punched me in the belly, says, "Well, I'll be damned!"

Threw my arms around her and laid her on the grass,
To show her the wiggle of a cowpuncher's [ass].

"The hair on her belly was a strawberry brown,
The crabs on her m[ound] were jumping up and down.

Took my old jockey to the watering trough,
Washed him and I scrubbed him till his head fell off.

In about nine days, when I looked for to see,
Cancers on my p[ecker] were big as a pea.

She found it out, and called me a kid,
Told me to remember her, and by God, I did!

Wrote her a letter, don't think I lied,
Said, "I'm leaving Texas fast as I can ride.

Know a little Injun, damn' pretty squaw,
Guess I'll go and see her, fore I leave for Arkansas.

Going to leave Texas, going to head for home,
All on account of the Double O roan.

Sheep man a-stealing of the Double O grass,
Boss says, "Shoot him, but not in the [ass]."

So we pulled out our guns and we got him on the fly,
Crawled in the weeds, and I guess he's going to die.

Chased a bunch of hosses through the G[od] d[amn] sheep,
The scatterment they made, made the sheep men weep.

Camped over night at the A bar B's,
Got so damn' cold, I thought I would freeze.

Raining hard and muddy as Hell,
Trailing through the gumbo sure is Hell!

Hit Belle Fourche, and went on a spree,
Sheriff come a running, and he picked on me.

Locked me up in his lousy old jail.
Boss said he'd be damned if he went my bail.

Just because I worked for him wa'n't no sign
That a cowpoke's boss had got to pay his fine.

Met a girl and thought I'd seen her before,
Tried her, and I found she was a G[od] d[amn] whore.

Went to make a date as a cowpuncher oughter,
Found out the girl was that damn sheriffs daughter.

Sheriff on my trail, left town on the run,
If he catches up, have to use my gun.

Left Belle Fourche, and left her on the lope,
To keep my neck from wearing out a scratchy old rope.

Going to leave Montana, and marry my squaw,
Going to settle down in Arkansas.


[C]

Now gather 'round, boys, and listen to my tale,
And I'll tell you my troubles on the old Chisholm Trail.

CHORUS: Singing, ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay, yippy-yay,
Singing, ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay.

ALTERNATE CHORUS: Gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg,
Gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

My name's Bill Taylor and my love's a squaw,
Livin' on the banks of the muddy Washita.

I come from Texas with the longhorn cattle
On a ten-dollar horse and a forty-dollar saddle.

Sittin' in the saddle with my hand on my dong,
Shootin' jism on the cows as we go along.

(ALTERNATE CHORUS)

We left Texas on October twenty-third,
And traveled up the trail with the 2-D herd.

We didn't reach town till winter, Eighty-two.
My ass was draggin' and my pecker was too.

(ALTERNATE CHORUS)

I went huntin' tail from a parlor house whore,
But I didn't have enough, so they kicked me out the door.

(ALTERNATE CHORUS)

With my ass in the saddle and my pecker all sore,
I spied a little lady in the whorehouse door.

I asked for tail and I gave her a quarter,
And she says, "Young man, I'm a minister's daughter."

I took out a dollar and I put it in her hand,
And she says, "Young man, will your long pecker stand?"

I grabbed right hold and I throwed her on the grass.
My toehold slipped and I rammed it in her ass.

I fucked her standin' and I fucked her lyin';
If she'd a-had wings, I'd a-fucked her flyin'.

Five days later, my prick turned blue.
I ran to the doctor and he didn't know what to do.

So I went to another and he said, "Cough."
I coughed so hard my balls dropped off.

I went to another 'cause my pecker was sore;
"By God," said the doctor, "It's that same damn whore:"

So I sold my horse and I sold my saddle,
And I bid goodbye to the longhorn cattle.

The last time I seen her and I ain't seen her since,
She was scratchin' her cunt on a barbed wire fence.


[D]

The first time I saw her she was floating down a stream
With a belly full of clabber and a cunt full of cream.

CHORUS: Come-a-ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay, yippy-yay,
Come-a-ki-yi-yippy, yippy-yay.

Then the next time I saw her she was pulling off a hound,
And the jaws of her twat were a-drippin' on the ground.

Her tits hung down like a pair of wooden buckets,
And her cunt stunk so that a dog wouldn't fuck it.

The next time I saw her she was pulling off her brother.
The crabs on her ass were a-fuckin' one another.

She ripped and she roared, and she shit on the floor,
And she wiped her ass on the knob of the door.

Then the next time I saw her she was lyin' in her bed,
With a carrot in her cunt, and damn near dead.

Her cunt was so big that no man could screw it,
But an elephant saw it and went right to it.

And the next time I saw her she was lyin' on the floor,
And the breeze from her ass blew the cat out the door.

Oh, the moon shown down on the nipple of her tits,
And she washed her teeth in bluebird shit.

So I grabbed her by the neck and threw her on the grass.
Then I stretched her cunt from her navel to her ass.

The neighbors all thought that she couldn't take a fuck.
So she took on a horse and after that he couldn't buck.

The next time I saw her she was standin' in the door,
And the hair from her cunt hung down to the floor.

So I grabbed her by the waist and threw her on the floor,
But the wind from her ass blew me out the door.

Then I went downstairs to get some cider,
And there I saw a bedbug a jackin' off a spider.

When I came back, she was sittin' in the stream,
From her ass were blowin' bubbles, from her cunt was flowing cream.

The sun shown down on the end of her tits.
She knew she was a whore, but she didn't give a shit.

Well, the last time I saw her, and I haven't seen her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a barbed wire fence.


[E]

CHORUS: I'm going to tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg.
Going to tie my pecker to my leg.

Reached in my pocket for a dime.
She said, "Young man, you're wasting your time-"

Reached in my pocket, pulled out a quarter,
She said, "Young man, I'm a rich man's daughter."

Reached in my pocket and pulled out six bits,
All she did was flip her tits.

Reached in my pocket, pulled out a buck,
She said, "Young man, you've bought a fuck."

Last time I saw her, haven't seen her since,
She was jacking off a Negro through a barb-wire fence.


[F]

When I was young and just a pup,
Fifty-two women did I fuck.

Forty-nine of them I knocked up.
If that's "not fuckin', I'll give up.

CHORUS: Coma [sic] tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg.
Coma tie my pecker to my leg.

Jumped in the saddle arid the saddle wasn't there,
And I rammed nine inches up the old gray mare.

Jumped off the horse and knocked on the door,
She said, "Come on in, I'm an old Injun whore."

Oh, I fucked her sittin' and I fucked her lyin'.
If I had wings, I'd fuck her flyin'.

Oh the last time I seed her and I ain't seed her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a bob-wire fence.


[G]

CHORUS: Tie my pecker to my leg.
Tie my pecker to my leg.

The last time I seen her and I haven't seen her since,
She was jackin' off a nigger through a barbed wire fence.

The last time I seen her she was sittin' on the stern.
She was holdin' his'n and he was holdin' her'n.

And now you can see I'm a peckerless man.
I fuck 'em with my finger and fool 'em when I can.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:09 PM

Version H is from "Roll Me Over" by Harry Babad. 1972 Oak Publications. Version I is from "The Dirty Song Book" by Jerry Silverman. 1982 S/X Press.

[H]

Saddled old Bollie and headed for the herd,
He threw me off in a fresh cow-turd.
Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree,
Gonna tie my pecker to a tree.

I was coming down the mountain by the old cow-trail,
With my pecker in my hand and a heifer by the tail.

The hair on her head was a piss-burnt color,
And the crabs on her ass was a-fucking one another.
I jumped from the saddle and threw her in the grass,
And pumped salvation up her dirty rotten ass.

It was damn fine doings but I ran it too close,
And I wound up with a hell of a dose.

I was in bed six weeks before they turned me loose,
Soaking my cock in tobacco juice.
Last time I saw the boss, haven't seen him since,
He was screwing a cow through a barb-wire fence.

And now my song is ended, I can sing you no more,
There's an apple in my ass, and you can have the core.

[I]
With my foot in the stirrup and my ass in the saddle,
I gotta round up these sonofabitchin' cattle. Chorus

They sent me to the boss just to get a little roller,
I thought I'd go to town to get some tallow on my pole-a. Chorus

Oh, I rode and I rode and I rode to the south,
Till my horse's old tongue hung out of his mouth. Chorus

Now, little Fanny Walter was a nice fat squaw,
She lived down by the Chickasaw. Chorus

Well, when I met her I offered her a penny.
She said, "I am sorry but I haven't got any." Chorus

Well, when I met her I offered her a nickel.
She said, "I'm sorry but that wouldn't buy a trickle." Chorus

Well, when I met her I offered her a dime.
She said, "You'll have to try some other time." Chorus

Well, when I met her I offered her a quarter.
She said, "By God, I'm a cowpuncher's daughter." Chorus

Well, when I met her I offered her a half.
She said, "God dammit, I ain't no calf." Chorus

Well, I went to her house, laid a dollar in her hand.
She said, "Young man, can you make him stand?" Chorus

Oh, I took her by the waist and I throwed her down,
And my balls hit her ass before she touched the ground. Chorus

Well, I fucked her standing and I fucked her lying;
If I'd-a had wings I'd-a fucked her flying. Chorus

Well, when I got up she called me "kid."
She said, "You'll remember me," and by God, I did. Chorus

In about three days I began to feel sick,
And my underwear stuck to the end of my dick. Chorus

The very next day my prick turned blue,
I got so scared, didn't know what to do. Chorus

I went to the doctor with my cock in my hand,
Said, "By God, doctor, it's the worst in the land." Chorus

The Doc took a look and then said, "Cough."
I coughed so hard my balls fell off. Chorus

The doctor he rolled it with a little blue stone.
Says I, "Goddam you, doctor, let that alone." Chorus

Now every time I go out to pee,
Blood and corruption come from me. Chorus

And every time I go out to piss,
I think of the gal who gave me this. Chorus

The last time I seen her, and I ain't seen her since,
She was fucking a cowboy through a barbed-wire fence. * Chorus

The last time I seen her she was floating down the stream
With a handful of money and a belly full of cream. Chorus

So that's my story of my search for tail,
And I'm back punchin' cattle on the Old Chisholm Trail. Chorus


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:36 AM

Figuring we've had thread creep enough on "A Soldier I Will Be," am continuing it on a new thread:

Lyr Add: A Soldier I Will Be

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:05 PM

Our friends across the great pond are probably wondering why anyone would "tie their pecker", i.e. "their chin" to a tree.

Keep your pecker up,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: frogprince
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:31 PM

How many bones are there in a woodpecker's head?






Just enough to make his pecker stand up.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:35 PM

G'day Charley,

My Dad told me that many US troops, wandering about Sydney (Australia) during the WW II period, were totally baffled by posters advertising tea ... with the slogan: "Robur Tea Keeps Your Pecker Up"!

Robur was an English brand, so the same posters were, presumably, common in Britain, where the meaning of "pecker" (by my Concise Oxford Dictionary) is: "colloq. courage, spirit" so "keep your pecker up" is: "colloq. remain cheerful". Coincidentally, with Robur, we come back to trees ... the English Oak species name is "quercus robur!

Regard(les)s,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 02:37 PM

Bob-

The first time I ran across that expression, "keep your pecker up," I did find it rather startling given the social situation. We do use the expression "a peck on the cheek" but the "pecker" itself conjures up an entirely different image.

I wonder if the phrase is used in Viagra commercials in the UK and Oz?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: Lyr Add: TIE MY PECKER TO MY LEG (Mojo Nixon)
From: John M.
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 08:59 PM

Here is a version which has the "6 foot 10....get it in" rhyme:

Mojo Nixon
Tie My Pecker To My Leg


Me yer momma and some other whore
Floatin' down the river on a shithouse door
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Dad's going steady with a pig in a barn
Grandma's gettin down with an ear of corn
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Watching mom shave her pussy really gets the kids hard
Grandpa's trying to fuck somethin in the front yard
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Sister is gettin rich on her 900 number
Four dime diddly bop given her best dog a hummer
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Reddog (Solo)

Well I'm a big dick daddy and a fuckin foo
Eleven years old and I went to pussy school
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Yeah, her asshole is tighter then a steel drum
Hell I'd eat a yard of her shit to watch her cum
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Simon (Solo)

You only live once, so off with them pants
Hell ain't for sure, it's only a chance
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Yeah, my gal's so fine, wanna suck her daddy's dick
If you saw my poon tang's face, you wouldn't give me no lip
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Woke up this morning with a case of stinky finger
Last night I must have been the designated drinker
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

I need a woman six foot ten
She's gotta be that tall so I could get it all in
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

Everybody Solo

Yeah, me yer momma and some other whore
Floatin' down the river on a shithouse door
gonna tie my pecker to my leg, to my leg
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.

I'm gonna tie my pecker
tie my pecker
tie my pecker
tie my pecker
gonna tie my pecker to my leg.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 09:20 PM

Well, John, you certainly clear the air!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 11:15 PM

The instruction "everybody solo" is curious.

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: A dean has to know how to look at you as if he were listening, even when you're not talking. :||


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:29 AM

G'day Joe Fineman,

"The instruction "everybody solo" is curious."

Yeah ... it's a special "folk" technique - called (by the academics ... ) "heterophony"!

Regard(les)s,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie my pecker to my leg
From: GUEST,Heard in the 1950s USA
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 10:17 AM

First time I saw her sittin' on a hill

Shakin' her titties at Buffalo Bill

Gonna wrap my root around a tree, 'round a tree

Gonna fling my balls in the briar.

I first heard this as a little kid. The little girls at Bible Camp knew it too. Kids, boy and girls, can be rascals and not so innocent.

Wow! What a Thread. (can make your face red)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie My Pecker to My Leg
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 06 Oct 13 - 02:47 PM

All those "to my leg" et. versions always sound odd to me, because of the way I heard the bawdy "Jism Trail."

Bucks County, eastern Pennsylvania, mid 1940s, heard from an older boy across the road who always seemed to have the best bawdy stuff. I think he may have heard it at the "Troc," the famous Trocadero burlyQ in Philadelphia.

Always thought it the best parody to the lyrics, and also totally wacked:

Come a-tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree,
Come a-tie my pecker to a tree.

To a *Tree?* The tactile shock stays with me to this day. Perfect. And scary.

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tie My Pecker to My Leg
From: Lighter
Date: 06 Oct 13 - 04:45 PM

And how *did* you hear it, Bob?


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