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Bald, fat & ugly
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Subject: Bald, fat & ugly From: alison Date: 28 Feb 99 - 08:50 AM Hi, Just got back from a festival where we heard a band called The Borderers sing a wonderful song, by Steve Boyd who used to be in an Aussie group called the Preachers. Chorus went...... (audience yells bit in brackets)
Will you love me when I'm bald fat and ugly (No Way) anyone know the rest? Slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 28 Feb 99 - 10:01 AM that's not funny!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-) |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Date: 28 Feb 99 - 04:38 PM Oh come on Art. I want to know more about this too! Bald - I am Ugly - Some say Fat - No, not fat :-)
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Barbara Date: 28 Feb 99 - 05:27 PM Gosh, Art, are you bald, too? ;> |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: alison Date: 28 Feb 99 - 07:56 PM Hi, Remembered the rest of the chorus....
Will you love me when I'm bald fat and ugly (No Way) Slainte Alison
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 28 Feb 99 - 10:13 PM how 'bout old, cancerous, lovelorn, immune system deficient, homeless, spotty, lactose intolerant, squeamish, Jewish, horizontally challenged, naked, Republican, silly, alcoholic, fascist, chocoholic, lacking a funny bone, lacking Viagra, ghost magnet, unwashed, and the home of a skin devouring micro-organism??? |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Lonesome EJ Date: 01 Mar 99 - 12:02 AM Art...what the hell is a "ghost magnet"? |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 01 Mar 99 - 12:44 AM And hey, Art--some of that stuff is hitting too close to home. --seed |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Banjer Date: 01 Mar 99 - 06:14 AM I resemble that remark!! I'll have to admit to all three of those endearing qualities....although the fat part is slowly going away, too slowly! ;-) |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Allan C. Date: 01 Mar 99 - 09:24 AM Beauty fades - ugly is forever! I should know! |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Lonesome EJ Date: 01 Mar 99 - 05:02 PM Art: it could be worse! You could be female, fat, bald, and ugly AND MENOPAUSAL!!! I am not Lonesome E.J. just his wife who has discovered the joy of Mudcat. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 01 Mar 99 - 10:33 PM A ghost magnet is a person that ghosts gravitate to. It's sort of the way flies hang around bicycle seats. I alwyas wanted to write a novel with a noir detective named Perry (peri) Menopausal! EJ's wife, Hi. We'll have to stop meeting like this. Yes, I too have several of these maladies. (won't say which ones though) If one is female and has 'em, it might be said that a pretty girl is like a malady!! If you get ill from eating an oyster with a pearl in it, one might say "a gritty pearl is like a malady". A skin devouring micro organism might be the answer to the fat part. (I've already tried every other remedy for that problem.) I'ts very little comfort to me to realize that a redwood tree with my circumferance is 200 feet tall!! Art |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Sandy Paton Date: 01 Mar 99 - 11:53 PM Art is definitely NOT bald! Check out the photo on his new CD booklet. You can get a copy, along with the CD, direct from him or from Waterbug. You'll like it! Maybe he'll sell enough of 'em to hire an exorcist. Sandy |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 02 Mar 99 - 11:49 AM Sandy, No I'm not bald. But I am growing up through my hair. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Bill D Date: 02 Mar 99 - 01:03 PM heard Ola Bell Reed say once..(probably a standard line).. " me and my sister have an opinion about diets...and we agreed not to do it...we decided we didn't want to be old, fat, ugly, AND hungry.." |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Date: 02 Mar 99 - 02:14 PM I came across a cure for baldness in a packet at a chemists the other day. It shrinks your head to match the hair available. (:-) |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: VAT (inactive) Date: 02 Mar 99 - 03:39 PM Bald. I thought those shiny things on the top of men's heads were solar panels for high preformance sex machines. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 02 Mar 99 - 06:15 PM That must be VAT 69 ! |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: VAT (inactive) Date: 02 Mar 99 - 06:32 PM No just vat. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Art Thieme Date: 02 Mar 99 - 09:26 PM I just got a very warm and concerned private message from a Mudcatter (who will remain nameless) saying they were concerned that my "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" response showed real, actual and very sad pain from me. Folks, please rest assured that I was making a joke!!!
Actually it's a parody of an old lightbulb joke: Answer: "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!" The joke went back close to 20 years. Sorry if I mislead anybody about me frame o' mind. Love you all, Art |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Roger the zimmer Date: 03 Mar 99 - 05:18 AM When I saw the title of this thread I thought someone was trying to contact me! As she who must be obeyed says "No you're not bald dear, now put a hat on, to protect that pink bit on the top of your head." |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Alan of Australia Date: 03 Mar 99 - 05:30 AM G'day, Then there are those who are not bald, but they have enough forehead for four heads.
Cheers, |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ritchie Date: 03 Mar 99 - 08:22 AM I like the term that the kids of today use to describe some one who is follicly challenged....and that is slaphead..it's got a nice ring to it ,although you've got to laugh when some one covers it up with a 'syrup' Old cockney ryhming slang there.. The only thing missing from the list is Deaf. Why is it that everyone mumbles now ? Why is it ,to both the annoyance and delight of my wife, that I am forever having to ask her what people have said? Am I'm turning into my Dad...Doh!!! or Victor Meldew ? love and happiness Ritchie the Slaphead. p.s, Art, it's no good trying to put a brave face on it ,if you didn't think it was funny then it's not..no matter what you say to the contrary..You can fool some of the people some of the time etc.etc. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Banjer Date: 03 Mar 99 - 06:07 PM I don't know if my condition can be called "bald", but I have reached the age where I go to the barber and ask him to take a little off the sides......and put it on the top! |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: hank Date: 04 Mar 99 - 09:06 AM Accually I wish I would be even more bald. I've never combed my hair when I could get out the door without. Well, I do make an exception, if I remember (once a leap year except the last escaped my notice) I always comb my hair before church. Many of you are goning to hate me though when I say that I eat twice as much per meal, and twice as many meals as my brother, yet he weighs 100 lbs more then me. No comment on the last one, you have to draw your own opinions. |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Date: 06 Mar 99 - 08:49 AM So I said to my barber "Why has the cost of your haircuts gone up over the years when the amount of hair on my head has significantly reduced?" He didn't reply but smiled in the knowing kind of way that suggested I had touched on a universal truth that barbers have been ripping off us bald blokes since the first barber opened for business. If you are follicly challenged ask your barber for a quote per square inch, and why it is the bloke in the chair next door with hair like a St Bernard gets charged the same price. See if you get a sensible answer. Just make sure he has finished with the razor on the back of your neck before you ask the question. (:-)) Ian
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ritchie Date: 06 Mar 99 - 09:33 AM I don't think that this story will travel but in case there are a few Geordies out there here goes... A man went into a hairdressers in Ashington,Northumberland and asked the Barber if he could give him a perm? "Whey Aye" said the barber "sit ya'sell doon".... "Mary haad a little laarm.." Ritchie |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Barry Finn Date: 06 Mar 99 - 12:22 PM Does anyone else here blow dry their hair with a flashlight? Barry |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: harpgirl Date: 06 Mar 99 - 03:34 PM Hey guys At least you baldies can wash your face and comb your hair in one sweep! Besides we know why that hair falls out...testosterone poisoning!!! **grin**harpgirl |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: Ian Kirk (inactive) Date: 13 Mar 99 - 09:56 AM Ritchie. Good one. The joke travels well at least to this part of South East London. I've told it a number of other slapheads who found it as amusing as I did though I'll have to improve my attempts at the Geordie accent to do it full justice. Long live regional accents - don't ever, ever lose them. Ian |
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Subject: RE: Bald, fat & ugly From: MAG (inactive) Date: 13 Mar 99 - 12:44 PM Actually, I've heard the "How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" joke as: "ONE!!!" Being one myself, I'll admit we can laugh at ourselves. Mary Ann |
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