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BS: Bobert's Christmas Story...
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Subject: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:01 PM Well, well, well... Seein' as it the Christmas season, I figurated that I had sho nuff better come up with somethin' that the P-Vine would sho nuff like and so a couple of weeks ago, after several, ahhhh, many hints it came to me that what she wanted more than anything was a... ...pergola... Now for those of you who don't know exactly what a "pergola" is, it is a completely useless room that lives outside with no real rook and no real walls but it's a womenz kinda thing, which, as we know, I ain't got a clue about... ...but so I went to the ineternet and studied up some designs of these useless rooms and then set about designing and drawin' up one of these things, took it to the local zoning office, got a building permits and all the stuff that a man has to go thru to build a perfectly useless room for the womenz he loves and... ... over the last week, Donnie "I'm a Drunk" and I have slaved way on the useless room but... ...friggin' hark, as in "Hark the Angels Sing", me and Donnie "I'm a Drunk" have put the final touches on the useless room, thank God, and now I can reeally get into the Christmas season knowin' that the P-Vine is happy with the useless room and I'm happy to to have it's buildin' behind me... Of course, I still have to have the building inspector out to see that Donnie "I'm a Drunk" and I built this useless room correctly which in this county is no longer a slam dunk but... ...for tonight, all is well and to each, peace be with you... Sniff... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Ebbie Date: 06 Dec 06 - 10:10 PM Bobert, you and the lovely P-Vine will be able to host everything from weddings to garden parties in your pergola. That "useless room" is going to be one of your favorite spots, take my word for it. How big is your back (or front) yard? How about building a gazebo that can double as a bandstand? (Give the P-Vine a hug from me- the lady has great taste.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 06 Dec 06 - 10:55 PM Wondering what this thing might be, I looked in the OED. It says that a pergola is foreign (Italian), "any arbor, boure or close walke of boughes, namely of vines" and goes on to define thiss this as 1. "an arbour formed of growing plants trained over trellis-work, especially on a covered walk so formed." The 1st example is "a shed so contrived with a Cover, so as to exclude or admit the Rain, snow and weather at pleasure." Why one would want to do this, I don't know, so still confused, I went to 2. "An elevated stand or balcony." Someone built it "to view the sports." This makes more sense, but I wondered what sports, especially since they have said it is covered and hidden with growing plants. I can think of sports best kept hidden, but I wouldn't want to accuse you of such things, especially without the testimony of reliable witnesses such as Catspaw and Gargoyle. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: open mike Date: 06 Dec 06 - 11:55 PM a pati-zeb-ola has untold uses...not un toiled ones though. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 07 Dec 06 - 12:24 AM Holy flip. A Pergola??? The crazy things you married dorks hafta put up with. Geez. Better you than me, eh? When I marry Shania it ain't gonna be like that. No sir. - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 07 Dec 06 - 07:22 PM Well, Shane, don't bet the farm on it... Man gonna do what a man gotta do... Bobert (married dork...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Dec 06 - 07:23 PM Don't worry. Shane will never get a chance to be disproven on this one. He's got less hope with Shania than I do with Winona! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 07 Dec 06 - 07:26 PM Well, LH, we may not agree on Hillary but we see eye-to-eye on Winona... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 07 Dec 06 - 09:08 PM Bobert, yer lucky, she wanted a pergola, and not a gazebo... ah.... oops.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Rapparee Date: 07 Dec 06 - 09:30 PM Pergola...ain't that some sort of cough medicine? Or am I thinkin' of chewin' tabacca? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Dec 06 - 09:30 PM Hey, Bobert! I looked at some pitchers of them pergolas on th' Interweb. It looks like they musta all been built by th' laziest carpenters in th' world. Heck, they all quit buildin' after they got the rafters up! Not a sheet of sheathing or a square of shingles t' be found. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Dec 06 - 09:35 PM Gazebo, hell! She couldn't wanted a cupola!!!! Those things cost a bloody fortune. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 07 Dec 06 - 11:10 PM "could've", I mean... Cupola! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Amos Date: 07 Dec 06 - 11:37 PM A pergola is a garden feature forming a shaded walk or passageway of pillars that support cross beams and a sturdy open lattice, upon which woody vines are trained. It may also be part of a builiding, as protection for an open terrace. The origin of the word is the Late Latin pergula, referring to a projecting eave. The term was borrowed for English from Italian, mentioned in an Italian context in 1645 and used in an English context in 1675, Pergolas may link pavilions, may extend from a building's door to an open garden feature such as an isolated terrace or pool, or may be entirely free-standing structures shading a length of walkway. (Wikipedia) Just so you-all know what you-all all are talkin' 'bout to mah man Bobert, Builder of Pergolas. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 07 Dec 06 - 11:43 PM On the other hand, if Mizz P-Vine had wanted a cupola, Bobert could've built this kind of cupola. It's not as pretty as the kind that sits on rooftops, but you can get a lot more molten metal out of it. I imagine the building permitting process would be a little more complex as well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 08 Dec 06 - 12:13 AM Central Park in New York City has a gorgous pergola. Here is one link (sorry about the ads with it). Here is another (in this instance, with a watermark in the center, but you can load various sizes to get a really good look at it). There are more here in this Google search. I'd love to have a pergola, but I'll probably have to settle for a brush arbor. They're indigenous to the area and I could more easily build it myself. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: JennieG Date: 08 Dec 06 - 01:31 AM Ebbie is right, you could use the pergola as an outside music room. You could grow a lovely creeping vine up the non-existent walls too, but don't forget the insect repellant if you do, because nasty bitey things love making nests in creepers. Just imagine playing banjo with a large spider crawling up the neck...... Yuck. Cheers JennieG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Dec 06 - 02:43 AM That wouldn't worry me. I like spiders. Banjos, on the other hand.... Rolling Thunder's place in Nevada had several arbors near the house. You need 'em there for shade, cos it gets damn hot in the summertime. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Megan L Date: 08 Dec 06 - 05:23 AM Man was made tae mourn! And wummin wis made tae mak sure he did! :p |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Rapparee Date: 08 Dec 06 - 09:03 AM We called 'em "grape arbors" and they were great to sit under during the hot summer. Sitting in the shade, drinking REAL lemonade and eatin' fresh grapes...that was livin' high on the hog. But Bobert, onct it's up that bit from Amos says it has to connect to a pool or somethin'. So this year it's a pergola and next year you'll be digging a swimmin' pool, mark my words. And then it's gonna be marble statchooes of half-naked wimmen and men linin' the walk the to the pool, and you know what THAT sorta thing leads to, doncha? Yeah, you'll be singing the blues before ya know it, only in eyetalian! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 08 Dec 06 - 10:14 AM Well, Rap, fortunately niether the P-Vine or I am into owning swimming pools... She has had 'um and hates the upkeep and I don't like swimin' in no chemicals so, whew, that ain't gonna happen... But what is gonna happen is that we're gonna have out stone patio under the danged thing and grow yellow jasmine on it which is an evergreen so we'll be able to see some green in the winter... Now the Bobert being the Bobert when I started doing drawings kept hatin' them flat roofs (for lack of a better term) and opted to design hers with a 5/12 pitched rafters which fits in compliments the gable of the house... One thing is fir sure, I'm glad to have it done... Only took 4 actual days with me and Donnie "I'm a drunk" working 8 hour days and that included setting the 6X6 pressure treated posts in concrete in 30 inch deep holes we dug... Another thing fir sure is that, in case I haven't mentioned it lately, womenz is some wierd folks... Nevermind... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: John MacKenzie Date: 08 Dec 06 - 10:26 AM Only one thing to grow on a pergola Bobert my man, and that's Wisteria Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 08 Dec 06 - 01:58 PM Apparently the classic Italian pergola had masonry columns with grape as the plant element. Neither grape nor wisteria will grow in our climate. One type of Virginia creeper and the wild yellow clematis grow here, but they are green for only three months and bare and forbidding the rest of the year. So we are safe from female desires for pergolas, but instead they demand a structure for weaving, greenhouse or some such. Think solid structure with R-40, double or triple glazing, gas heating and plumbing. Just envy; the pleasures of green structures are denied us here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Rapparee Date: 08 Dec 06 - 03:30 PM Perhaps not a swimming pool, Bobert, but some kinda pool. Maybe one with a statue in it that's spouting water from its mouth or even The Little Pissant. One of them top-naked ladies with a jar, maybe. And some big ol' carp swimmin' around in it. You jist wait. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Dec 06 - 03:44 PM Donnie sounds like he would be a good pal for Shane. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Cluin Date: 08 Dec 06 - 04:59 PM Next year you can make her a cupola, Bobert. In fact make here two of them. Then she can have a couple a' cupolas. Ba-dum-PUM! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Q (Frank Staplin) Date: 08 Dec 06 - 05:03 PM When I was a kid, I would spend hours playing with the water bugs and beetles in the backyard pool. Mosquito wrigglers, water striders, all kinds of little critters to torment. Nowadays, the city would come in and spray it and fine you to boot. It didn't have any naked ladies or peeing boys, though. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 08 Dec 06 - 06:39 PM Yeah, Rap, yer a man after my own heart... Soon as spring gets here I'll put an ad in the classified ads for nude womenz... But seriously, yeah, we'll prolly end up with some kinda water feature but not, repeat, not one of them ponds made from plastic liners... Yo, LH, yeah, Shane and Donnie "I'm a Drunk" would prolly play nicely with one another... BTW, how tall is Shane??? I kinda see him at just under 6 foot... BTW, Part 2, Donnie is 4'10", if that but will outwork most sober 6 footers but don't let him drive anythin but a tractor 'cause he can either do the pedals or the windshield, but not both... You will love this one though... This past summer I had an old beat-to-crap ridin' mower (sans the actual mower) so I gave it to him to ride back and forth to the end of the holler where Donnie "I'm a Drunk" live with his brother in a double wide... Now Donnie ain't never had no drivin' license 'cause, ahhhh, well, it's obvious but he got stopped by Deputy Wright 'cause he wasn't driving the mower very well and told to park it... Deputy Wright then took Donnie the rest of the way home but warned him that the next time it was going to be a D.U.I.!!!! That, unfortuneatly is a true story so now Donnie won't drive it anywhere but here on the farm.... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Dec 06 - 07:11 PM Shane is 5'11", Bobert, so you're right on the mark. He has shoulder-length greasy blonde hair (heavy metal fan haircut), a mustache, and several days growth of stubble on his chin, usually. He wears lumberjack shirts and old cruddy work boots or sneakers. He has a filthy jacket with old stains on it from tossing his cookies after an all-night bender. He has a hat that says "I'm with the idiot" (arrow pointing sideways) and a dirty old T-shirt that says "FREE SEX - (men need not apply)" (with a large red arrow pointing down at his crotch). He had a driving license...once. He can roll a joint in less than 30 seconds. He can chug a beer in less than 10 seconds...up to a certain number...he has never made it past 35 of them at one stretch. He very, very seldom engages in physical labor, unless you count exercising the monkey. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 08 Dec 06 - 08:01 PM Like I said, LH, these two would be like two peas in a pod 'cept that Donnie uses a pipe fir his smoke and I'd bet that Donnie can outdrink poor ol' Shane... One day last summer he went thru 2 cases in one day... Thtat's like 48 beers... Yeah, he was purdy messed up but I think it was the weed more than the beer... All I know is that me and the P-Vine were out for the day, came home to find Mr. Clifford, one of the local farmers watchin' my boy try to kill himself on my Kubota and was worried that Donnie was gonna roll it over on himself before we got home and would have to call 911... Yeah, okay, Donnie was so messed up that day that I got him off the tractor and he just kinda couldn't exactly stay on his feet but he was laughin' and carryin' on, kinda like Earnest T, so I put the tractor away and took him home... Wierdest thing is that he called me a couple hours later and sounded perfectly sober??? Bobert (Daddy-o to Donnie "I'm a Drunk) Sniff... I love that boy... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 08 Dec 06 - 09:14 PM He was probably getting his second wind about then... ;-) Shane's kind of lovable too. It's his sheer innocence that gets to me. He really believes he's on the cutting edge of coolness. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 08 Dec 06 - 09:51 PM Donnie ain't like that... Been known to stay in the holler for years at a time other than to sneak down to the Exxon station daily fir a case 'er two... Okaym he also spent 2 years, 6 months in the joint for burnin' down his next door neighbor's house back 'round 10 er 13 years ago... Prolly woulda goy away with it if he hadn't screamed at his niegbor 'I told you I was gonna burn you out, you &^%&^%$(^& in front of the cops and the fire department... Don't know if that was the Iron City Beer or the weed but no matter... 2 years an' 6 months of forced sobriety... Ahhhhh, as fir hair??? He cuts it all off an' shaves the first 90 degree day of each year and that's it... Lookin' a tad rough now but, hey, maybe that extra fir will keep him alive if he passes out in his brother's yard a few yards from the step ladder placed against the double wide to Donnie's window which is his front door... Shane enter his crib on a step ladder??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 08 Dec 06 - 10:13 PM Holy FLIP! He burned the guy's house down??? Holy FLIP! That's goin' too far, eh? I would drink with this guy, eh, but I would, like, keep one eye on the flippin' door at all times. - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Rapparee Date: 08 Dec 06 - 10:33 PM Yeah, well, Shane, he'd drink you under that table. Heck, we got kindergarten kids out here that could do that. I got a two-year-old great-nephew who could that. And his four-year-old brother could out-fight you, too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bee Date: 08 Dec 06 - 10:34 PM I swear, I know these guys clones - do they make shine, too? Goodonya for the pergola, Bobert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 09 Dec 06 - 07:36 AM Well, hell ya, he burned his neighbor's house down... Seems that's the what these folks do back in this holler when the get mad at ya... The neigbor still lives next door in a trailer where the house used to be and, yeah, Donnie and this guy do still get drunk and smoked up together... Used to be in this holler that folks would put kerosene on one another's mail box posts and light them up... That was eupposed to be the ultimate insult to have yer mailbox burned up... More on Donnie and the pergola later... The P-Vine has us off with the truck to buy a couple pallets of stone for the patio for under the pergola that Donnie "I'm a Drunk" and I have been told to build next... ho ho, friggin, ho... Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Ebbie Date: 09 Dec 06 - 03:39 PM Yes? We're waitin'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 09 Dec 06 - 05:55 PM Pergolation. Kind of like...Shatnerization. The wise avoid such activities. |
