Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 19 Jul 07 - 08:21 PM Circa early 1960's west coast USA. When three males are walking, side-by-side down a sidewalk, road, or trail:
Hey....Left ball! Hey....Right ball! Who's the dick in the middle? Quickly followed by both outsiders punching "the dick" in the arms.
Sincerely, |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:54 AM Probably posted many years past in another thread, circa 1920's, western USA.
If a pig drinks a quart of buttermilk before he starts,
Sincerely, |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Celtaddict Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:53 AM Our version (Oklahoma, 1950s) of 'Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts' went Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat, dirty little birdy feet, Sneezed-up snake snot, bashed in beetle brains, And me without a spoon (but I got a straw!) Actually I more often heard 'mutilated monkey meat, petrified parrot urp' which sounded suitably disgusting but did not rhyme. ('Urp' was kid-colloquial for 'vomit') And we ended all the almost-rhyme ones (--- had a steamboat etc.) with Behind our icebox is a piece of glass If you sit upon it, you will cut your Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies, If you don't open up your mouth, you won't catch any flies. I wonder why all the ones above mention glass but if you sit upon it you will break your [ask]? Cut makes more sense. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,youngest one Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:39 AM you sing this one while placing your hands in the spots or pointing which ever... Milk, Milk ---> (o)(o) \ / / \ / \ Lemon Aid ---> ( \/ ) Around the corner fudge is made, stick your finger up the hole, yummy yummy tootsie roll..... (ewww thats grose I cant believe we sang this shit...) "Freak" you can hit me from the front, and you can hit me from the back, I'm a just freak while in the sack...... roll me over, and filp me up, fill my mouth just like a cup... all dressed up, or in the buff, just remember I LIKE IT ROUGH!!!!!!!! Jenn W. 07-07 i totally just made this one on the spot....it may not be for kids to sing... but it is still a good one...I shall add this one to my little book of poems...... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Cluin Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:34 PM Two Dutchmen, Two Dutchmen Are swimming in a ditch One called the other A dirty son of a... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,youngest one Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:29 PM They are rhymes for "patty-cake" type games that girls play… Miss Suzy Miss Suzy had a steam boat, The steam boat had a bell,(ding ding) Miss Suzy went to heaven , The steam boat went to… Hello operator, Give me number nine, And if you disconnect me, Ill kick you from…. Behind the "frigerator" , There was a piece of glass, Miss Suzy sat upon it, And broke her little… Ask me no more questions, Tell me no more lies, The boys are in the bathrooms, Zipping up their … Flies are in the meadows, The bees are in the park, Miss Suzy and her boyfriend, Are kissing in the, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K Dark, Dark, Dark Miss Marry Mack Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack All Dressed in Black, Black, Black, With silver buttons, buttons, buttons, All down her back, back, back, She asked her mother, mother, mother, For fifty cents, cents, cents, To see the elephants, elephants, elephants, Jump the fence, fence, fence, They jumped so high, high, high, They touched the sky, sky, sky, They never came back, back, back, Till the fourth of July, July, July. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Nikkiwi Date: 22 Jun 07 - 06:11 PM Heres one from down under Spider spider oh so small Climbing climbing up the wall You didn't it'd just been plastered so now you're stuck - you stupid b*stard And one we used for "counting out" for teams etc it, dit, (dog/cow/bull)-shit, you are not it |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Scorpio Date: 21 Jun 07 - 08:19 PM Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was black as soot. All over Mary's bread and jam its sooty foot it put. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 21 Jun 07 - 02:45 PM mary mary quite contrairy how does your gerden grow i live in a flat you stupid twat so how the fuck should i know lol we swear alot over in England |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,calster Date: 02 Jun 07 - 09:25 PM your mother is a ditch who likes to clean her ditch, because of this she makes a football pitch, she plays with the lad and fucks you uncle mitch haha basteds |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ed Date: 13 Feb 06 - 01:31 PM Here are two; have you ever wondered when the hearse goes by what they do to you when you die? they wrap you up in a big white sheet and put you in a hole about 6 feet deep. the worms crawl in the worms crawl out the ants play peanknuckle on your snout and then you turn a greasy green and pus comes out like whipping cream thats why campbells soup tastes mmm-mmm good! three german officers in a tank taboo! taboo! three getman officers in a tank taboo! taboo! three german officers in a tank thats one to drive and two to wank taboo tabai to-bollocky-i to-bollocky-i taboo! they came across a wayside inn taboo! etc and pissed on the matt and walked right in... the landlord had a daughter fair with golden-brown pubic hair they dragged her up the ricketey stair and fucked her till she lay there dead they dragged her down the backstreet alley and fucked her back to life again! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 22 Feb 05 - 10:19 AM According to my father, Jewish boys in New York City, ca. 1900, recited Jesus Christ Went to scheiss Behind an apple tree. A snake came past And bit him on the ass And blamed it all on me. An allegory & two Biblical allusions -- pretty good for naughty boys! --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: Applause makes a good time to fart. :|| |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ras Date: 22 Feb 05 - 08:33 AM Hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor The little dog laughed so much at that He cocked up his leg and pissed on the cat School dinners, school dinners Mushy chips, mushy chips Soggy semolina, soggy semolina I feel sick, toilet quick It's too late, done it on the plate |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,manda Date: 22 Feb 05 - 12:02 AM fuck fuck fuck a duck screw a kangaroo fingerbang an orangutang orgy at the zoo |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bonnie Date: 21 Feb 05 - 05:02 PM This isn't nasty, it's really kind of sweet. My dad taught me all of these. There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back by the barn where he gave her a Lecture on horses and chickens and eggs And that's when he told her she had beautiful Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he'd like to take in his Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe, Covered all over with sweet violets. The girl told the farmer that he'd better stop 'Coz she'd call her father and he'd call a Taxi and get there before very long 'Coz someone was doing his little girl Right for a change and that's when he said, Son if you'll marry you're better off Single for it is my belief Marriage will being nothing but Sweet violets, etc. Now that you're all going "aw" here's another one my dad taught me. My Bonnie has tuberculosis My Bonnie has only one lung She coughs up her blood in a basket And dries it and chews it for gum Dentyne, Dentyne, she dries it and chews it for gum My grandmother sells prophylactics She punctures the heads with a pin My grandfather does the abortions My god how the money rolls in Rolls in, rolls in, my god how the money rolls in rolls in This is to the tune of "Colonel Bogey's March" Hitler, he only had one ball Goering had two, but they were small Himmler was somewhat similar but Goebbels had no balls at all. Here's another goody about Hitler Whistle while you work Hitler is a jerk Mussolini bit his weenie Now it doesn't work. This is to the tune of Freres Jacques: Marijuana, Marijuana LSD, LSD College kids're making it High school kids're taking it Why can't we? Why can't we? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bernard Date: 20 Feb 05 - 03:10 PM Mary had a little lamb The doctor was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm He couldn't believe his eyes! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Feb 05 - 02:52 PM A variation from a rhyme above Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone As she bent over, Rover he drove her Cause he had a bone of his own. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Chris Green Date: 20 Feb 05 - 02:43 PM I shot an arrow in the air It fell to earth I not where... I lose all my fucking arrows that way! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Date: 20 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM Macha: I think you're looking for Sailors' Hornpipe Words CHEERS Nigel |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Doug Chadwick Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:39 AM Hickory dickory dock The mouse ran up the clock The clock struck one Castrated the other Hickory dickory dock Ding Dong Dell Pussy's in the well Who put him in? I did - I hate cats! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Suz Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:22 AM Can anyone remember the rest of this little gem? Mary had a little lamb She thought it was quite silly, So she threw him in the air & caught him by his Willy was a ... I can't remember the rest! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,psirusmojo Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:14 PM A little bird with a little bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread Then I crushed his little head! Then a bigger bird with a bigger bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread then I crushed his bigger head! Then the biggest bird with the biggest bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread then I crushed his biggest head! The moral of the story is... if you got no bread, you get no head! Roll roll roll a blunt twist it at the end light it up and take a puff then pass it to a friend old mother hubbard went to the cubbard to get her dog a bone when she bent over, rover took over and had a little bone of his own |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: annamill Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:45 PM Old one! A funeral is a gay affair, with friends and relatives everywhere. They shut you up in a mahogany box and cover you up with stones and rocks. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out the worms play pinocle on your snout. *******************************************8 Speaking of greasy, grimy gopher guts... in the DT Great, Green Gobs of Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts Great, Green Gobs of Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts (Tom Glazer) CHO: Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts, Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet. Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts, And me without a spoon. Some people eat hamburger meat while others like potatoes, And some must chew their Irish stew along with ripe tomatoes. I can't understand why in ev'ry land, they serve such peculiar dishes. For wherever I go, they always say "No!" when I tell them what my wish is. I scream for ... (Chorus) I can pay my way in a French café which is big and quite expensive, Where the diners dine and the wine is fine, but I'm always apprehensive. When the menu comes, I twiddle my thumbs at the list of fancy dishes: Caviar and steaks, champagne and cake, is never what my wish is. I beg for ... (Chorus) In the life to come, I intend to hum this hymn to old Saint Peter: I won't need much, when my harp I touch, and become a heavenly eater. I won't ask for money or milk and honey, and my voice will never falter While the trumpets blare on the Golden Stair as I stand at the Shining Altar. I yell for ... (Chorus) (Tag:) And me without a spoon! Yuck! copyright Tom Glazer Love, Annamill |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 08 Feb 05 - 10:07 AM Joe F: I know that one as: When the weather's hot and sultry That's no time to commit adult'ry But when the frost is on the punkin, THAT's the time for peter-dunkin! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Macha Date: 07 Feb 05 - 11:24 PM Does every one here know the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"? The men who origanly sang the song were not singing about their ears. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fliss Date: 07 Feb 05 - 07:00 PM Donald Duck did a muck Behind the kitchen door Mrs Duck wiped it up And then he did some more |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: vectis Date: 06 Feb 05 - 07:51 PM Mary had a little lamb Her daddy shot it dead And now it goes to school with her Between two bits of bread Hey diddle diddle The cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor The little dog laughed to see such fun So the cat did a little bit more |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fliss Date: 06 Feb 05 - 06:33 PM Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs Blood on the carpet, and fur on the mat Christopher Robin's castrated the cat Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks. And when she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one. Mary had a little lamb To prove it was not silly She tossed him up into the air And caught him by his nose :) Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief, Taffy came to our house and stole a leg of beef. I went to Taffys house Taffy werent at home He was down the garden chewing on the bone. fliss xx |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Autotaz Date: 06 Feb 05 - 04:50 PM Oh mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get Poor rover some bread; But when she bent over rover took over and she got bread instead. Messed up.. I didn't quit get my signature on this. It another one I almost forgot! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 06 Feb 05 - 04:41 PM Oh mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get Poor rover some bread; But when she bent over rover took over and she got bread instead. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Layah Date: 04 Feb 05 - 12:16 PM Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell THe steamboat went to heaven Miss susie went to Hello operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll chop off your Behind the fridgerator There was a piece of glass Miss susie sat upon it and broke her little ask me no more questions I'll tell you know more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies are in the meadow (I forgot this line) Miss susies in (fogot this word too) Kissing in the D A R K D A R K dark dark dark There was an alternate ending that I also don't remember much of. (?s like a movie, a movie's like a show, a show is like a picture show and that is all I know) That's as suggestive as any of my childhood rhyms got. I'm amazed you got away with songs with actual swearing in them, and things suggestive enough I never would have gotten the joke. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:39 AM Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire, Little face flushed with abnormal desire. Meow! Meow! Oh, what is that? Christopher Robin is sodding the cat. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: When an idea is wanting, a word can always be found to take :|| ||: its place. :|| |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Barbara Date: 04 Feb 05 - 01:40 AM To the tune of "Joy to the World" Joy to the world that Santa's dead. We barbequed his head. And what about his body? We flushed it down the potty, And round and round it goes, And round and round it goes, And row-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ownd it goes. Blessings, Barbara, who learned it from her fourth grade daughter. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Swave N. Deboner Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:35 PM Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, My husband will be home in 5 minutes! *** Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating his girlfriend, Mary He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plumb And said, "Where the fuck is your cherry?!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,John, Lancashire Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:05 PM I took my girlfriend to the station / to see the chuffers shunt. / A piece of coal flew out one day / and hit her in the ... Country girls are very sweet / but also very strict / they put their arms around your waist / and fiddle with your ... Dicky was a bulldog lying in the grass / up came a bumble-bee and stung him on his ... Ask no questions, tell no lies / Have you ever seen a Chinaman buttoning up his ... Flies are a menace, bugs are even worse / and that is the end of this cheeky little verse. Three German officers in a tank, Parley-voo. Three German officers in a tank, Parley-voo, Three German officers in a tank, Two to drive and one to push, Inky-pinky parley-voo. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:42 PM Old mother Hubbard went to th cupboard, To get the postman a letter, When she got there, the cupboard was bare, So they had it without! It was better. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:55 PM Mary had a little hen, She kept it in a bucket. Cause every time she let it out, The rooster used to chase it round and round the barnyard, but he never caught it cause that little hen was just too fast! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Carlisle101 Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:42 PM On top of a smoggy, all covered in sand I shot my poor teacher with a red rubber band. I shot her with pleasure I shot her with pride You couldn't have missed her She was 50 ft wide. I went to the funeral, I went to the grave Some people thrugh flowers I through a grannade. Her body whent up her body whent down her body whent Splattt all over the ground. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Big Jim from Jackson Date: 03 Feb 05 - 05:43 PM Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress. When she got there, the cupboard was bare. ---and so was her daughter, I guess! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bob Coltman Date: 03 Feb 05 - 03:16 PM Lucy - am I the only one whose curiosity is whetted? Please, let's have the Vampire Named Mabel! Bob |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Chip2447 Date: 03 Feb 05 - 02:16 PM when you see a hearse go by you may be the next to die. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. the worms play pinnochle in your snout. Your eyes bug out, Your teeth fall out, your hair turns into saurkraut. Yum, yum, gimme a spoon. Chip2447 |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:25 AM Little fly upon the wall Ain't you got no clothes at all? Ain't you got no Ma and Pa Take that, you bastard (action: swat the fly) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: susu Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:57 AM A little bird with a little bill hopped upon my window sill I led him in with a piece of bread Then I crushed his little head! Late one night when we were all in bed Old Lady Leary Left a Lantern in the shed and when the cow kicked it over it winked it's eye and said "They'll be a hot time in the old town tonight." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" (now say it backwards) Night one late in bed we were all in Lady old Leary Left the shed in the lantern and when the kick cow'd it over it's eye and winked and said they'll be a time hot in the town old tonight "Erif!" "Erif!" Erif!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:48 AM A few more remembered from my youth, which don't seem to have been posted yet Mary had a little lamb 'twas full of fun and frolics And every time the music played She kicked it in the earhole Jack and Jill went up the hill There was no-one in the vicinity Jack came down less half-a-crown And Jill less her virginity For US readers, the Crown and Half-Crown were old coins. A Crown was worth a quarter of a Pound sterling, or 5 shillings. Half a crown was worth one eighth of a pound, or two shillings and six pence. It was colloquially known as a half a dollar, because that was its approximate value in the good old days of four dollars to the pound. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: fogie Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:32 AM Little boy sits on the lavatory pan, Slowly caressing his little old man, Flip flop into the tank, Christopher Robin is having a Now we are no longer 6! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Weasel Books Date: 02 Feb 05 - 04:23 PM Mother Goose contains more than enough nasty ones. For instance: Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief, Taffy leaned came up to our house and stole a side of beef. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:14 PM A modern one from one Richard Digance. Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of Rye, Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, When the pie was opened, a shrivelled blackbird spat, "Oh! come on lads, a joke's a joke, what rotten sod did that?" Well it made me laugh. Don T. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fidjit Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:11 PM Green and Yellow custard Snot and Bogey pie All mixed together With a dead man's eye Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen Mary's little lamb But, I've never seen her bare. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Teresa Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:26 AM Mary had a little lamb, and tied it to the heater Every time it turned around it burned its little peter peter pumpkin-eater had a wife and couldn't keep her, etc. Push the button, turn the crank, Out comes a German army tank. Push the button, pull the chain Out comes a chocolate choo-choo train! (said faster and faster): I smart fella; I fella smart. Tra-la-la boom-dee-ay, I'll scare your pants away, And while you're standing there, I'll take your underwear. (to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)" I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot. I wear my pink pajamas in the winter when it's not. And sometimes in the springtime, and sometimes in the fall, I crawl between the sheets with nothing on at all!. This isn't nasty, but I love it. I think it's a Shel Silverstein-ism: Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries. Teresa |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Autotaz Date: 02 Feb 05 - 02:36 AM Old Mcdonald sittin on a bench, Beating his meat with a Monkey wrench; The Monkey wrench slipped and hit him in the Ball, he peed all over his overalls. Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantlepiece To see if they would fuck. Nobody love me Everybody Hates me Guess I'll go eat worms big fat juicy ones little bitty skinny ones watch them wiggle and Squirm The worms crawl in the worms crawl out though the stomach and out the snout then the eyes turn Glossy Green and Damn me without a straw! Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch poor rover a bone, but when she bent over rover took over because he had a bone of his own. I wish I was a wooden boy, a wooden boy, a wooden boy; If I was a wooden boy I be your woody too! Their onces was a man from Nantucker; who had a dick so long he could suck it; He wiped off his chin with a silly grin; And said, if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it! |
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