BS: Silly rhymes anyone?

Subject: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: grumpy al
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 02:16 PM

You all did so well on the last daft thread how about this bit of nonsense?

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
If dope don't get ya
Then Acid's a must

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 02:18 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
And so am I

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 03:09 PM

I did put this on another thread but seeing the above..
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
When they bury Dolly Parton,
They'll have trouble with her..........
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 03:42 PM

Roses are reddish
Violets are blueish
If it wasn't for christmas
We'd all be Jewish

Roses are red
Violets are purple
Sugar is sweet
And so's maple syrple

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:02 PM

Roses are red
Violets are green
My face may be funny
But yours is a scream!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Megan L
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:06 PM

think it was Byron wrote

See the happy moron
he doesn't give a damb
I wish i was a moron
My God perhaps I am

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:15 PM

In a scottish accent

As I was walking doon the road
I saw a coo, a bull by goad!

Possibly the great McGonnigal but I couldn't swear to it.

As I was going by St Pauls
A woman grabbed me by the elbow
She said you look a man of pluck
Come inside and have a sandwich
There's some for a tanner and some for a bob
It all depends on the size of your sandwich

Doesn't realy rhyme very well does it?

Mmmmmm.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:19 PM

Sorry - former was possibly McGonnigal. Latter was most likely from a toilet wall...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:51 PM

There was a young lady from Bude
who went for a swim in the lake
a man in a punt
stuck a pole in her ear
saying you cant do that here its Private

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:06 PM

Rose's are red.
Violet's are blue,
Yours are pink.
I've seen them too!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:55 PM

'Tis the Arabian bird alone
Lives chaste, because there is but one.
But had kind nature made them two,
They would like doves & sparrows do.

--------------------------------
shortest poem:

Sail,
Gale,
Pale,
Rail.

----------------------------------------
Mary had a little plane,
And in it she would frisk.
But when she flew it upside down,
Her little *.

-----------------------------------------
Thirty days hath Septober,
April, June and no wonder.
All the rest have peanut butter...
Except my grandmother, who has a little red tricycle.

(all those who 'think' they know other versions of this are simply confused..THIS is the authentic, original version!)

------------------------------------------
There goes the Wapiti,
Hippity, Hoppiti.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks,
Which practically conceal it's sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix, to be so fertile.

(last two from Ogden Nash)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:21 PM

Shorter poem:

FLEAS
Adam
Had 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:25 PM

Fleas'
Please!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:26 PM

Flea.
Plea.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:45 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
His fleece was black as soot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
His sooty foot he put.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 07:34 PM

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now she takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
Ans she took some Castor Oil
To pass the time away...
But the time it would not pass-
Now if you want to know the time,
Look up Mary's






......uncle...he has a Grandfather's Clock.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 08:00 PM

Mary had a little lamb
and the midwife fainted.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Mary Had a little lamb and then a little beef
she then consumed some coleslaw with some chilliies underneath
and then some bread and butter and some pork chops served with thyme
How strange to find such a greedy girl in an English Nursery Rhyme!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 10:41 PM

Well, I think the silliest ones are the type that have the outer spinner thingie that keeps going 'round after you stop, providing the optical illusion that the car is still moving.

Errr... You did say "silly rims" didn't you?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:26 AM

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was black as soot,
And into Mary's bread and jam,
Its sooty foot it put.

(The last line can be a tongue tangler at speed)...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:45 AM

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The bulldog tried.........

A flea met a fly in a flu
Said the flea "Let us fly!"
Said the fly "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flu.

The one 'L' lama he's a priest
The two 'L' llama he's a beast
And I will bet a silk pyjama
There isn't any three 'L' lllama!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:54 AM

I like the Ogden Nash one

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.

or

Rule the tanner, two tanners make a bob
King George never, never, never shaved his.....

(Tanner = sixpenny piece)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:59 AM

Roses are red
Violets are grey
No they are not!
Still, ne' mind, eh!

----------------

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her ....

------------------

This one's from the Brett Marvin and the Thunderbolts LP from way back...
(Jim who recited it now plays in a ceilidh band in Sussex)

I grow whiskers on my chin
I grow them on my chest
I grow them on my knees and legs
But the ones I like the best
Grow wild all up and down my back
And poke out through my vest
My Mummy says that lots of hair will keep out all the cold
But still, I'm quite a pretty girl, I'm nearly 12 years old.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:12 AM

Remember M
Remember E
Put them together and remember ME.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:17 AM

Mary had a little lamb
It was delicious...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:24 AM

When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley
I rub my bum, then I come, home to you
You've been rubbing your bum too
`Cause your fingers smell like poo
When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:43 AM

Mary had a little pig
It wouldn't stop it's gruntin'
So she took it down the garden path
And kicked it's little **** in.

Mary had a little watch
She swallowed it one day
Now she's taking Epsom Salts
To pass the time away

Pease pudding hot
Pease pudding cold
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old
(Old skipping rhym)

Mary had a little bear
She fed it bacon rind
And everywhere that Mary went
You saw her bear behind.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 06:46 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone
But as she bent over, up jumped old Rover
And slipped her a bone of his own.

!from an eight year old boy that I teach!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:02 AM

i wandered lonely, drunk and proud
all floating by on valium pills
when all at once i thought out loud
and told the priest he made me ill.
besides that mate
beneath my knees
your frantic fumblings smell of cheese..

incontinent as his startled mind
that pickled up my silky stays
he retched in never ending whine
inciting me to drink and pay.
Ten thousand downed I at a glance
tossing the glasses at his pants.

he buckled over, screamed hooray
i tipped the oily knave in ghee
he said, "no thanks, I'm really gay"
and offered me a cup of tea.
My eyes were glazed, my mind distraught
for Brother Kev was such a sort.

Now oft, when in the vault I lie
in vacant or offensive mood
I know that brother Kev's a spy
for the Mafia or Rodney Rude
and then my heart with pleasure fills
and sublimates the daffy pills..

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:13 AM

Freda, I just fell of my chair laughing at that! Where on earth did you get it? Is it your own?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:48 AM

'fraid so, db, 'fraid so. but glad you liked it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:59 AM

me like it too, freda wardsworth!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:01 AM

It mentions Rodney Rude - must be Australian!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The rooster used to [usta] chase it round and round the henhouse, but never caught it cause that little red hen was just far too quick for him...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:06 AM

danke, MBSlynne und wilfried.

Ft, yes, i think i might be australian..

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
she tried to catch and pluck it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:53 AM

I have no pain, dear Mother, now
But Oh, I am so dry.
Connect me to a brewery
And leave me there to die.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:15 AM

La Table Ronde

Chevaliers de la table ronde
Goutons voir si le vin est bon
Rpt
Cho.
Goutons voir oui oui oui
Goutons voir non non non
Goutons voir si le vin est bon

S'il est bon s'il est agreable
J'en boirai jusqu'a mon plaisir
Etc.

Si je meurs je veux qu'on me'enterre
Dans un cave ou y a du bon vin
Etc

Les deux pieds contre la muraille
Et la tet' sous le robinet
Etc

Sur ma tombe je veux qu'on inscrive
Ici Git le Roi de Buveurs
Etc

Giok

Subject: Lyr Add: I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE (Tom Lehrer)
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:44 AM

I'll hold your hand in mine dear,
I'll press it to my lips
And take a healthy bite from
Your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here,
But still I have your hand as
A precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie

I'm sorry now I killed you
Our love was something fine
And 'till they come to get me
I will hold your hand in mine

Tom Lehrer

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From:
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

Mary had a little lamb
she tied to a pylon
10 thousand volts went up its bum
And turned it into nylon

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts went flying
Postman Pat was crying
Never seen a cat as flat as that!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:12 AM

Mary had a little lamb,
Was always full of frollicks.
She threw it high into the air,
And caught it before it could hit the ground.(couldn't think of a rhyme!)
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 12:03 PM

The salvation Army free from sin
Went to heaven in a corned beef tin
The corned beef tin began to smell
And the Salvation Army went to...
Helensburgh castle stands upon a rock
And if you want to pass it you've got to show your....
Cocktail Ginger ale, half a pint of water, stick it up your...
Ask no questions I'll tell no lies
Shut you mouth, and you'll catch no flies.

There was an old farmer who sat on a rock
Teaching his children to play with their....
Kites and their marbles in bold days of yore
When along came a maiden who looked like a ....
Pretty young maiden with feet like a duck
Who said she'd invented a new way to ....
Educate her children to read and to write
While the boys in the farmyard were shovelling some ...
Dirt and some rubbish to put on the fire
While the dirty old farmer was pulling his...
Horse from the stable to go to the hunt
And the lady of the manor was powdering her...
Nose from the vanity box
To prevent her from catching a fresh dose of ....
Gout or lumbago

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:40 PM

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "Yuck!"

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
My husband will be home in five minutes!

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his girlfriend Mary.
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
and said, "Where the hell is your cherry?!"

S

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:48 PM

To the tune of "Doh, A Deer" from The Sound Of Music

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer
Re - my mate who buys me beer
Me - a bloke I buy beer for
Fa - my beer is far from me
So - I'll have another beer
La - la la la la la la
Te - no thanks, I'll have a beer
All of which brings us back to

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer etc etc. You get the idea

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: mack/misophist
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:52 PM

The best silly rhyme I know of was written by John Bellairs.

Higgelty piggelty
John Cantacuzene
Swaddled in Byzantine
Pearl seeded robes,
Put out the eyes
Of his iconophical
Prelate, for piercing
His priestly ear lobes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:06 PM

When the weather's hot and sticky,
That's no time for dunkin' dickey;
When the frost is on the punkin,
That's the time for dickey dunkin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:41 PM

Ogden Nash also once rhymed "Junior" with "Pennsylvunia". He is responsible for the marvelous couplet

Therefore man fills himself with joie de vivre
And goes out to celebrate New Year's Ivre.

Another pointedly bad rhyme, this time by Anon.:

The youth who attend picture palaces
Have no use for psycholanalysis.
Altho Dr Freud
Is distinctly annoyed,
They cling to their long-standing fallacies.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: emjay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM

Little Willie killed his sister
She was dead before we missed her
Willie's always up to tricks
Ain't he cute? He's only six.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 12:20 AM

Standing on a bridge at midnight
Squeezing blackheads from her crotch
She said, "Jack I've never had it"
I said, "No, not fucking much!"

It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
While the rich gets all the pleasure
Now ain't that a fucking shame?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:49 AM

It was on the bridge at midnight,
Throwing snowballs at the moon.
She said "Sir I never did it",
But she spoke a bit too soon.

same chorus as above.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Ooh-Aah2
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:50 AM

Two real classics from Spike Milligan:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled
Twit.

I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and the sky
I left my shoes and socks down there, I wonder if they're dry?

And another;

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her Irish stew
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And so she ate him up too.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 05:10 AM

As I woke one morning, when all sweet things are born,
A robin perched upon my sill,
To signal the coming morn,
He was so sweet and gentle and softly did he sing,
Sweet thoughts of love and happiness into my heart did spring,
He sang his song so gently....then as he paused a lull,
I quickly closed the window, and crushed his fucking skull.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:15 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
His arse against the mast
He swore he would not move an inch
Till Montagu had passed
But Monty was a crafty man
He threw the boy a lighter
And as he bent to pick it up
He stuck it up his ******

This disgusting fragment has been around for over 50 years and the Montagu referred to was the then Lord Montagu who in 1954 was convicted along with at least 2 others of having homosexual relations with a young lad in an outbuilding on the family estate.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 07:51 AM

'Twixt the coastline and the border lay the town of Grog-an'-Grumble
In the days before the bushman was a dull 'n' heartless drudge,
An' they say the local meeting was a drunken rough-and-tumble,
Which was ended pretty often by an inquest on the judge.
An' 'tis said the city talent very often caught a tartar
In the Grog-an'-Grumble sportsman, 'n' returned with broken heads,
For the fortune, life, and safety of the Grog-an'-Grumble starter
Mostly hung upon the finish of the local thoroughbreds.

The Grog-an'Grumble Steeplechase

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 07:56 AM

Mama's on the bottom, Daddy's on the top
Baby's in the attic filling rubbers with snot

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:11 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
Wishing he'd never been born.
His mother said "You wouldn't have
If the rubber hadn't torn"

Late last night I killed my wife.
Laid her on the parquet flooring.
I was loath to take her life
But I HAD to stop her snoring!

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:19 AM

Last Night I held a little hand
so dainty and so neat
I thought my heart would burst
so wildly did it beat
no other hand unto my heart
could such gladness bring
for the hand I held last night was
Four Aces and a King!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His arsehole to the mast,
He didn't dare to budge an inch,
Till Oscar Wilde had passed.

But Oscar was a wily sod.
He threw the lad a fritter,
When he bent down to pick it up,
WHAM, six inch up his shitter.

But our lad knew a thing or two,
He too had been to school,
He did a double summersault,
And broke poo Oscars tool


eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:55 AM

Alouette,
Everything's a-wet-a,
Alouette,
Someone grab a towel!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:10 PM

The bustard's a fortuitous fowl,
Who has but small reason to growl.
   He avoids illigitemacy
    By the simple expediency
    Of the use of an alternate vowel.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 07:02 AM

When Lady Penelope swoons
Her bosoms pop out like balloons
Her butler stands by
With a gleam in his eye
Then pops them back in with warm spoons!

Kenny Everett

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 08:09 AM

a dirhinous camel in Muharbia manic
with a woman was wandering in predictable panic
she was writing athesis on chamelon's cholic
but the ship of the desert was a sly alcoholic
He sucked Hashimayu to riddle his brains
and passed out beneath her berating the rains.
She needed some transport and went up Azrafa
she got it with minties and a sticky red jaffa
she rode past a minister with her bouncing giraffe
her nostrils were sinister and her comments a gaffe
"You meander steatopygously whither and thither
on a creature that elongates and undulates hither,
this life in the desert is a runcible rort
but the locals could tsujigirl such a cerebral sort"
He gazed at chameleons as she gave them quick-eze
in a slithered surrender he fell to his knees
with a barrage of groans about picking a box
he became Zoanthropic and dived for her socks
and rolling his eyeballs he coiled round her waisr
"You'll never thelypthorise me" she snapped with distate,
"You're a politician, not a lizard, go and write a new book"
she shuddered and ran as his tongue went kershlook
she anavanjeared him before he could leap
her aim was as sharp as his fervour was deep
the sounds of the desert blow in timeless ballet
O'er the skeletal charade of his shameless delay
She smiled as she gathered the scattered quick-eze
and road the giraffe with perambular ease
into the sunset and its apricot tones
never thinking to look back at poor Barry Jones...

ps

these strange words are all real and have meanings. a prize to anyone who can give all the meanings correctly.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 08:52 AM

The peerless Milligan again.

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain comes in
But the holes are small
That's why rain's thin.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 11:45 AM

And Milligan again

My name is Fred Fernackapan
I walk around the town
Sometimes with my trousers up
And sometimes with them down
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only halfway up
I was arrested

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 02:50 PM

Love that DB
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,donuel
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 05:34 PM

The idiot boy King
feigned to be religious
The devotion he'd bring
was both rich and hidious

His never ending war
came right from his castle.
What he gave to the poor
came right from his ass hole.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 05:56 PM

There was a crooked man,
Who walked a crooked mile.
Found a crooked sixpence,
And knackered a 60's chocolate machine

Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: 42
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 06:24 PM

satin & manhattan

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:51 PM

Mary had a little lamb
Was given her to keep
It followed her around until
It died from lack of sleep.


Mary had a little lamb
With mint sauce, baked potatoes, peas and gravy.....


The boy stood in the banquet hall
When all but he had fled
He'd finished off the cakes and jam
And nearly done the bread.

"This is my thirteenth cup of tea!"
He cried in accents wild
"Just one more crust, before I ****"
(He was a vulgar child)

There came a burst of thunder sound
The boy, oh where was he?
Just ask the maids who swept him up
All cakes - and jam - and tea.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Smiler
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 12:02 AM

There was a young fellow at Brighton last year,
This daring young fellow he jumped off the pier
He jumped off the pier and swam to a rock,
And amazed the young ladies by shaking his ......
........Fist at a policeman

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 04:16 AM

Skinny malinkey lang legs big banana feet
Went tae the pictures and couldnae get a seat
Whent he got a seat he fell fast asleep
Skinny malinkey lang legs big bannana feet.

Ma Maw threw me a jeely piece,
She threw it frae the windae
It hit the wummin doon below
An' she kicked up a shindy.

My Maw's a millionaire
Blue eyes and curly hair
Doon amang the eskimos
Playin' a game o' dominoes
My Maw's a millionaire

When I was a wee wee tot
They put me on my wee wee pot
To see if I would wee or not
When they saw that I did not
They put me in my wee wee cot
And there I wee'd an awful lot
Wee Wee

Who farted?
Wee Annie
Dae it again hen
Ah canny!

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 04:50 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail if water,
Jill came dow with half a crown,
But not for carrying water.


eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 05:07 AM

'Go to father' she said
When I asked her to wed,
And she knew that I knew that her father was dead,
And she knew that I knew of the life he had led
So she knew that I knew what she meant when she said
'Go to father!'

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: semi-submersible
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 06:05 AM

I loved freda's parody of Wordsworth's Daffodils."

Ogden Nash, who wrote the one about the number of Ls in various lllamae above, added a footnote to this poem(?) in one of his verse collections:

The author's attention has been drawn to a variety of conflagration known as a three-alarmer. Pooh.

---------------------------------

Mary had a little lamb, With green peas on the side, And when her escort saw the check The poor boob nearly died.

And another variation of one above:

Mary had a little plane. Around the sky she'd frisk. Wasn't that an awful shame, Her little *

---------------------------------

The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper bag. The reason you will see, no doubt: It is, to keep the lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have never noticed, is that herds Of wandering bears may come, with buns, And steal the bags to hold the crumbs.

Christopher Isherwood (& also posted here in slightly different form)

(Dilly, dilly, piccalilli, tell me something really silly. I had a friend, his name was Bert. He ate the buttons off his shirt.)

The preview says my linebreaks have all disappeared into Cyberspace.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Moses
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:34 AM

This was once an advert on the London Tube (about 20+ years ago).


Said King George to his Court
I enjoy a good Port
But it must be a wine that's just right

Said a Courtier, game, if I tell you the name
Of the best
Will you make me a Knight?

The king nodded his head
And the Courtier said:-
"Cockburns Port is the port for a King,
but remember to say it, without the C.K"
And the court cried "Long live Harles the Ing!"



Funny what you remember isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:40 AM

From Spike Milligan.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the sky so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Now I know just what you are,
A lump of rusting rocket case,
A rubbish tip in outer space

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 08:06 AM

I woke up Christmas morning
and found my wife dead.
A reindeer had been in ,
And stamped on her head.

I wish I was a little frog,
No taller than the grass.
I'd climb up all the big oak trees,
And slide down on my hands and knees!
Yes it rhymes!

The cuckoo is a pretty bird,
As she sits in the grass.
With her wings by her side
and her head under them.
And in this position,
She can only say...."twit"
For who could say cuckoo,
With a beak full of feathers.

Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 08:13 AM

The elephant is a pretty bird
It leaps from bough to bough,
It makes its nest in the rhubarb tree,
And whistles like a cow.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: grumpy al
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 02:32 PM

nice to know the world is still full of happy nutters.
my faith in human nature is almost restored.keep up the good work.

the boy stood on the burning deck
when all but he had fled
twit!........Spike Milligan

the boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
rolloing it in to cannon balls
and throwing them at his dad

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 03:08 PM

silly okay

there was a young lady from Dorset
Who wore the most frustrating corset
To grant her base wishes
They looked for insterstices
And small apertures through which to force it.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,don
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 04:42 PM

Old Spook with murky recollections
Spooked by spooks with current machinations
There are malicious spooks
And judicious spooks
Some spooks coup DE TA
And some spooks save the nation

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 05:06 PM

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Let us flee said the fly
Let us fly, said the flea
So they flew through a flaw in the flue

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 09:28 PM

Try sayin' this on fast a few times:

A skunk sat on a stump.
The stump thunk the skunk stunk
and the skunk thunk the stump stunk.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 10:35 PM

That one would make a good Drunk Test, frogprince.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:29 AM

Of all the fishes in the seas,
The strangest is the bass.
It climbs into the tops of trees
And slides down on its hands and knees
To frolic in the grass.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 04:37 AM

My uncle Jack sat in the dock,
Picking his nose like fury,
Rolling it up in little balls,
And flicking at the jury.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: sue exhull
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 07:11 AM

WILLIE, WITH A THIRST FOR GORE
NAILED HIS SISTER TO THE DOOR
HIS MOTHER SAID, WITH HUMOUR QUAINT
WILLIE DEAR, DONT SCRATCH THE PAINT

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 07:43 AM

The other day upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:00 AM

Found this on the internet, submitted by "Anon". I'd never seen the full version with verses. Anybody know the melody?

S

* * *
The Pheasant Plucker's Song

Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man,
I try to understand him and I help him all I can,
But sometimes of an evening I feel a trifle dim,
All alone and plucking pheasants when I'd rather pluck with him.

I'm not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate
And I'm only plucking pheasants
Cause the pheasant plucker's late.

I'm not good at plucking pheasants, pheasant plucking I get stuck,
Though some peasants find it pleasant I'd much rather pluck a duck,
Oh, but plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease
But plucking pheasants is sheer torture, for they haven't any grease.

I'm not the pheasant plucker,
He has gone out on the tiles,
He only plucked one pheasant
And I'm sitting here with piles.

You have to pluck them fresh, if they're fresh it's not unpleasant,
I knew a man in Dunstable, could pluck a frozen pheasant.
They say the village constable has pheasant plucking sessions
With the vicar of a Sunday 'tween the first and second lessons.

I'm not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's son,
And I'm only plucking pheasants
Till the pheasant pluckers come.

My good friend Godfrey's most adept, he's really got the knack,
He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack.
I try and lend a helping hand, I gather up the feathers,
It's really all this pheasant plucking keeps us here together.

I'm not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's friend,
And I'm only plucking pheasants
As a means unto an end.

Me husband's in the woods all day, a-banging with his gun,
If he could hear me heartfelt cries, then surely he would run,
For I've fluff in all me crannies and there's feathers up me nose,
And I'm itchin' in the kitchen' from me head down to me toes.

I'm not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's wife,
And when we pluck together
It's a pheasant plucking life!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 10:00 AM

The National Health Cow

I strolled into a farmyard
When no-one was about
Treading past the troubles
I raised my head to shout.

"Come out the Cow with glasses,"
I called and rolled my eye.
It ambled up toward me,
I milked it with a sigh.

"You're just in time" the cow said,
Its eyes were all aglaze,
"I'm feeling like an elephant,
I aren't been milked for days."

"Why is this?" I asked it,
tugging at its throttles.
"I don't know why, perhaps it's 'cause
MY milk comes out in bottles."

"That's handy for the government,"
I thought, and in a tick
the cow fell dead all sudden
(I'd smashed it with a brick).


John Lennon - A Spaniard in the Works

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Pied Piper
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 11:03 AM

Mary had a little Lamb
I think she called it frisky
But sadly it caught foot and mouth
And now it's black and crinkly

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:02 PM

Guest 23-11-04 08.00am
You need to hear Joan from Wigan sing this, she is SUPERB..!!!

Little Willie, from his mirror,
licked the Mercury right off
Thinking in his childish error
it would cure the Whooping Cough
at the Funeral his mother
Brightly said to Mrs Brown
" twas a chilly day for Willie
when the Mercury went down!!!

also
Billy, in one of his bright new sashes
fell in the fire and was burned to ashes
and now, altho' the room grows chilly
I havent the Heart to poke poor Billy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:45 PM

Am I wasting my time,
It's a quarter past nine.
I think it is bedtime
Don't you?
She rose from the chair,
Took off her false hair,
Her white pearly teeth
Came out too.
One leg made of wood,
One eye was a dud,
Her nose she begun
To unscrew.
I cried with dismay,
As her bust came away,
"Am I wasting my time on you"?
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 03:54 AM

Ooey gooey was a worm,
A silly worm was he,
He went upon the railway track,
A train he went to see,
OOEY GOOEY

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 04:42 AM

Here lies the body of William Gray
He died maintaining his right of way
He was right so right, as he drove along
But he's just as dead, as if he'd been wrong.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 05:40 AM

Used to know a lot of those epitaphs, all actually true ones on gravestones....forgotten most but here you go with a couple:-

Here lies the body of Ezra Pound, lost at sea and was never found!

Here lie I, Martin Elginbrodde,
Ha'e mercy on my soul Lord God.
As I would do were I Lord God,
And ye were Martin Elginbrodde.

Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:29 AM

Verse to the left of 'em

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:29 AM

Poems to the right of 'em

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM

Volleyed and thundered

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM

One more post...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:30 AM

And I make 100!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:32 AM

How dare you cheat me out of the 100th like that! You are supposed to sneak up on it, not thunder in with a load of posts!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 08:56 AM

sorry! (in very small and humble print)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 02:30 PM

Alas poor jimmy, he is gone
He'll trouble us no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Juan P-B

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 05:07 PM

Rick 'em rack 'um
Rick 'em and ruck 'um
Get that ball and
really FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIGHT.


*smirk*

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 25 Nov 04 - 02:31 PM

For you Americans, a Lollipop man is a crossing attendant to guide kids across a busy road called because he has a lollipop like board to stop traffic
A "Zebra crossing" is a pedestrian crossing area on a street where The pedistrian has right of way it is black and white stripes on the road.

Now

" See The lollipopman
at the Zebra crossing
with Lollipops
he lures Zebras
across
He makes me Cross
I cross
Roger McGough

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,shell
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 02:42 PM

i luv drugs drugs luv me crack cocain & extercy wiv a sniff sniff ere & a sniff sniff der i end up in intensive care!

sex is evil sex is class whip me baby spank my ass 69er doggy style do me baby make me smile!

women r jus lyk orange juice cartons, its not the shape or size dat matters its gettin those bloody flaps 2 open.

there once wos a man called dave, who gud up prostitues graves, she wos as mouldy as shit & missin a tit but luk at da money he saved

little miss muffet sat on her tuffet smokin an ounce of weed, along came a spider n skinned up beside her n sold her a kilo of speed.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Metchosin
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM

'Twas Brillo, and the G.E. Stoves,
Did Procter-Gamble in the Glade;
All Pillsbury were the Taystee loaves
And in a Minute Maid.

"Beware the Station-Break, my son,
The voice that lulls, the ads that vex!
Beware the Doctors Claim, and shun
That horror called Brand-X!"

He took his Q-Tip'd swab in hand;
Long time the Tension Headache fought--
So Dristan he by a Mercury,
And Bayer-break'd in thought.

And as in Bufferin Gulf he stood
The Station-Break, with Rise of Tame,
Came Wisking through the Pride-hazed wood,
And Creme-Rinsed as it came!

Buy one! Buy two! We're almost through!
The Q-Tip'd Dash went Spic and Span!
He Tide Air-Wick, and with Bisquick
Went Aero-Waxing Ban.

"And hast thou Dreft the Station-Break?
Ajax the Breck, Excedrin boy!
Oh, Fab wash day, Cashmere Bouquet!"
He Handi-Wrapped in Joy.

'Twas Brillo, and the G.E. Stoves
Did Procter-Gamble in the Glade;
All Pillsbury were the Taystee loaves,
And in a Minute Maid.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Metchosin
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:20 PM

When I was standing very stil
As still as still could be
A great big ugly man came up
And tied his horse to me

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 09:56 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet wre full of blisters.
He tore his trousers on a nail
And now he wears his sister's.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 04:21 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His pockets full of crackers,
A burning piece fell down his pants,
And paralized his knackers.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 06:45 AM

I with I wath a wittle egg,
Away up in a twee.
I with I wath a wittle egg,
As wotten ath could be.
And when a naugthy boy came past,
And frowed a thtone at me,
I'd shake my wotten wittle thelf,
And thpill all over he.

Robin
(from the primary school playground - and my grandma - who also knew it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From:
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 12:22 PM

I'm trying to remember the rest of another parody of "Mary Had a liitle lamb", done by some comedian several years ago...

Mary had a little lamb,
little pork, little ham,
a ????? with rice
?????? was so nice..

(Various other menu items...)

Any one remember the rest of this?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: LadyJean
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 11:11 PM

These came from my grandmother who was born in 1883. (And was 34 when she gave birth to my mother, who was 38 when she gave birth to me. I'm not THAT old.)

Mary had a little lamb
A little pork
A little jam
Some ice cream soda topped with fizz
And oh how sick our Mary is.

Once a mig policepan met a biddle lum. Hitting on the burbside eating baba rum. Said the mig policepan will you simme gum, "Ninny on your tintype!" said the biddle lum. (Ninny on your tintype was a rude way to say no.)

From my mother, who swore she saw it in a toilet stall somewhere.
When you're using our john
Don't stand on the seat.
Our crabs can jump
up to 15 feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Metchosin
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 01:03 AM

Carnation milk is best of all, 
No tits to pull, no hay to haul 
No buckets to wash, no shit to pitch    
Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Celtaddict
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 11:00 AM

GUEST of 23 Nov 0800, did you ever find the tune to this? I've a friend who sings it and could probably come up with a cassette, though I do not know how to do any of the high-tech melody things.
It is a rather familiar sounding tune.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 11:36 AM

If I were a cassowary

On the sands of Timbuctoo,

I would eat a missionary,

Coat & bands & hymnbook too.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Suicide: bridging the gap between abortion and euthanasia. :||

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Arthur
Date: 27 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM

He is not drunk who, from the floor,
Can rise and ask to drink some more
But drunk is he who prostrate lies,
With neither the strength to drink nor rise!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 28 Apr 05 - 05:21 AM

Mary had a little skirt, and it was split in half.
And everywhere that Mary went, the boys could see her calf.

Mary had another skirt,'twas split right up the front.
But she never wears that one...


There was a young lady of Rygah,
Who went for a ride on a tiger.
They came back from the ride,
With the lady inside,
And a smile on the face of the tiger

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 28 Apr 05 - 05:23 AM

There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks they never would scan.
When asked why this was so,
He replied "I don't know,
I just try to get as many words into the last line, as I possibly can."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 01:54 AM

I wish I was a little bug
With hairs upon my tummy
I'd climb inside a honeypot
And make my tummy gummy

(Apparently this was a message made up and sent by a very bored naval radio operator)

LFF

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,UffDa
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 04:24 PM

There once was a man from Australia
Who painted his arse with a dehlia
The colours were fine
Likewise the design
But the smell was an utter failure.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 02:52 PM

Refresh while I hunt up a few more.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 01 May 05 - 10:15 AM

Algy met a bear,
The bear was bulgy,
The bulge was Algy (learned on my first day at Infant School)

I have a clever daddy who goes in and out with me,
And evrything that baby does
My Daddy's bound to see,
And everything that baby says
My Daddy's bound to tell,
You must have read his poetry,
I hope he rots in hell! (Ogden Nash)

Drake is going west, lad,
And Tom is going east,
But little Fred just lies in bed,
The idle little beast! (The Immortal Spike)

She stood on the bridge at midnight
Her bosom all a-quiver
She gave a cough
Her leg fell off
And floated down the river! (Spike again)

Oh the lark in the morning is the only lark for me,
When you wake feeling randy, and the missus says 'Whopee!)
It gets you all a-tingle, it makes your pulses race,
And you go into the office with a smile on your face!

Want any more?

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Erato
Date: 02 May 05 - 08:44 AM

Yes please,Flash!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 02 May 05 - 10:03 AM

There was a young man from Dundee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When they asked 'Did it hurt?'
He replied 'Not at all,
It can do it again if it wants too!'

Spike again, alledgedly in a contest with his fellow Goons to see who could produce the worst limerick. Same session also produced:-

There was a young man from Bombay
Took a slow boat to China one day
He was tied to the tiller
With a sex starved gorilla
And China's a bloody long way!

I'll go now, it's just started to thunder again!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Bill D
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:34 AM

slight addition to the above:

"Algy met a bear.
The bear met Algy.
The bear was bulgy.
The bulge was Algy."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 03 May 05 - 09:41 AM

Probably right Bill D, remembering from about age 4 1/2 means about 64 years to forget a line!

Oh by the way, Ogden Nash again:-
The Perfect Husband

He tells you when you're wearing too much lipstick,
And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: rock chick
Date: 03 May 05 - 04:34 PM

There was an old man from Trog
walking blindly in the fog
Over a dog he tripped
and fell head first in the s..t
That silly old man from Trog

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:52 AM

Pointy bird, pointy pointy,
Anoint my head, anointy anointy.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: darkriver
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:17 PM

I thought this was for silly rhymes.

There are some nice ones in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in the Camelot Song.

Arthur: Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to CAMELOT!

CUT to Knights in castle
Knights (singing):

We're knights of the round table,
we dance whene're we're able.
We do routines, and border scenes,
with footwork imp-e-cable;
We dine well here in Camelot,
we eat ham and jam and spamalot.

We're knights of the round table,
our shows are for-mid-able
Though many times, we're given rhymes,
that are quite un-sing-able
We're not so bad in Camelot,
we sing from the Dia-phragm alot!
Though we're tough and able,
Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable,

Between our quests, we seek incest
and impersonate Clark Gable,
It's a busy life in Camelot:
I have to push the pram-a-lot!

CUT back to
Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 04 May 05 - 03:25 PM

Ogden Nash was definately King of the Four Liners !!

Sure , deck thy limbs in pants my love ,

Thine are the limbs my sweeting .

You look divine as you advance -

Have you seen yourself retreating ?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Metchosin
Date: 04 May 05 - 04:11 PM

Thoity poiple boidies
Sitting on a coib
Eating woims and boiping.

Seville, dare daygo
Toussen busses inaro
Nojo dems trux
Summit cowsin
Summit dux

F - U - N - E - X?
S! - V - F - X.
F - U - N - E - M?
S! - V - F - M.
OK, M - N - X!

How I loves them little mousies
Mousies what I loves to eat
Loves to bite they tiny heads off
Nibbles on they tiny feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 04 May 05 - 06:20 PM

There is always the old exercise in punctuation, (it makes perfect sense once the correct stops and commas are added)

" Caeser entered on his head
a helmet on each foot
a sandal in his hand he had
his trusty sword to boot"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:53 PM

'Tis the Arabian bird alone
Lives chaste, because there is but one.
But had kind Nature made them two,
They would like doves and sparrows do.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,big berd
Date: 05 May 05 - 06:51 AM

there once was a man from capree who tried to piss up a tree the tree was too high so he pissed in his eye and now the poor bugger cant see

there once was a man from calcultta who tried to sleep in the gutter the tropical sun burnt a hole in his bum and melted his balls to butter

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,joey
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:10 AM

Old King Cole was a smelly old soul and a smelly old soul was he
In the middle of the night, he woke with a fright, to go to the WC
Now the WC was occupied and so was the kitchen sink
But it had to be done, it had to be done,
So out of the window popped his bum,
Now Farmer White was walking by, He heard a rumbling in the sky
He looked up, as it came down, So now his name is Farmer Brown

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:12 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 05 May 05 - 09:16 AM

Above the sickle, below the hammer
That is the sign on the Soviet Banner
Whatever in life you choose to do
It's all the same - you'll still get screwed

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 05 May 05 - 07:41 PM

A firefly's flame
Is something for which science has no name.
I can think of nothing eerier
Than flying around with an unidentified glow on one's posteerior.

---------------------------------------------------

A panther is like a leopard
except it hasn't been peppered
should you behold a panther crouch
prepare to say ouch
better yet, if called by a panther
don't anther.

Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 05 May 05 - 08:04 PM

Some primeal termite knocked on wood,
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 05 May 05 - 11:54 PM

My lady be wary of Cupid,
Pay heed to the words of this verse,
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
To let a kiss fool you is worse.
[the last two lines of this ditty are in the form of a Chiasma]

I took my auntie riding in a cold and windy breeze,
I put her in the rumble seat and watched my auntie freeze.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses. - Dorothy Parker
Men are such asses, who seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses
(Dorothy Parker?)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes, anyone?
From: GUEST,cookieless Genie
Date: 06 May 05 - 11:40 PM

Hey, why is this thread in the B(reeze) S(hooting) section instead of in the "artistic" section??

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 09 May 05 - 12:26 PM

Algy had a bath
The bath was bilgy
The bilge was algae.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From:
Date: 24 May 05 - 04:50 PM

Standing on a burning deck
the fire it drove me crackers
If those flames get any higher
they're going to burn my kn******!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 25 May 05 - 12:06 PM

Better a parvenu

Living luxuriously on Park Arvenu

Than a Schuyler or Van Rensellaer

Living inexpensellaer.                                  -- Ogden Nash

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Think of it as evolution in action. :||

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Allen
Date: 25 May 05 - 02:24 PM

The Aardvark is a funny beast
In the Jungle lays well-hidden
It eats bugs and little children.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,ajit bhaiya
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 12:40 AM

to think i'm a genius
is no serious crime
for all that lies within us
is opium and wine.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Metchosin
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 01:34 AM

There is a strange bird called the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can
He can store in his beak
Fish to last him a week
But I do not know how in the hell he can

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 02:04 AM

Hava nagila
Have two nagilas
Have three nagilas
They're very small.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 02:29 AM

Fleas, by Ogden Nash

Adam
had 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 08:01 AM

He who buys land, buys many stones,
He who buys flesh, buys many bones,
He who buys eggs, buys many shells,
But he wo buys good ale, buys nothing else.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 08:52 AM

As I looked out the window,
A man was standing in the street;
He face was full of sorrow,
His shoes were full of feet.


Does anyone have a source and a more accurate version of that?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 09:00 AM

"Thirty days hath September, October June and February...
All the rest have thirty-one, except my brother,
Who got six months."

- Peter Sellers as Hrundi V. Bakshi, in the movie, "The Party"


There was a man sat on a hill,
If he's not gone he's there yet.


I wandered lonely as a clod
Picking up old rags and bottles,
When on the lonely road I plod
I saw a host of axolotls.
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.

Some had handles, some were plain-
they were orange, pink, and green, in the main.
My hair stood up, my blood ran cold.
I fled with fear upon my soul.
I find my solace now in bottles,
and I forget them axolotls.

- Alfred E Neuman, Mad Magazine


Scintillate, scintillate, globule sporific,
How I conjecture your nature specific.
Loftily poised in ether capacious,
Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Hawker
Date: 11 Dec 06 - 06:32 PM

There was a man who lived by the sewer
And by the sewer he died
They didn't know what to call the case
So they called it sewer-side!

I eat honey,
I eat bread
I eat my nails.......
That's how I'm fed!

The dog sat in the fog
The Cat sat on the mat
The mouse sat in the house......
Well, fancy that!

They walked down the lane together
The sky was covered in stars
They reached the gate in silence
And for her, he opened the bars.....
She neither smiled, not thanked him
For that, she knew not how
For he was only a farmer's son
And she was a jersy cow!

Mrs Brown went to town
With her knickers upside down
She did a fart behind a cart
And paralysed the pony
The cart went rolling down the street
And knocked a copper off his feet
Old Tom Brown was having a swim.......
He openeds his Gob and the fart went in.

(for the Americans ..... a copper is a policeman and a gob is a mouth.)

Not last night but the night before
Three little tom cats came knocking at the door
One had a fiddle
One had a drum
And the third had a pancake stuck to his bum.

Mary had a little sheep
With that sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram.........
Mary had a little lamb!

Cheers, Lucy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 02:57 AM

I had read this first in a set of books when I was young like 10 or something, that was the early 90s I think. I am currently looking for these set of books, I think they are out of print, this saddens me.
If anyone knows the books in question when I might buy them, please contact me.
Some of the best knock knocks and riddles ever written found in those books.
Sorry to leave such a long reply.
Thanks for your time.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 02:58 AM

Darkdragonbz in Seattle Wa, [e-mail]
I had read this first in a set of books when I was young like 10 or something, that was the early 90s I think. I am currently looking for these set of books, I think they are out of print, this saddens me.
If anyone knows the books in question when I might buy them, please contact me.
Some of the best knock knocks and riddles ever written found in those books.
Sorry to leave such a long reply.
Thanks for your time.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,ib48
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 08:53 AM

every one knows,an elephants nose
reaches right dowwn to an elephants toes   
but i can disclose that an elephants nose   
is an elegant part of an elephants clothes

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Jan 07 - 09:53 PM

A tail behind, a trunk in front
Complete the usual elephant.
The tail in front, the trunk behind
Is what you very seldom find.
If for an elephant you should hunt
With trunk behind and tail in front,
The search would occupy you long --
The force of habit is so strong.      -- A. E. Housman

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Shirley.Knott
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:06 PM

Ode to the Catsup Bottle

Shake, shake the catsup bottle
First none will come
And then a lot'll

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 04:35 PM

Caesar et sum iam forte,
Brutus et erat,
Caesar sic in omnibus,
Brutus sic in at.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 25 Jan 07 - 10:58 PM

From Ogden Nash:

Tiny termite found some wood,
Tasted it and it was good,
And that is why your Aunty May
Fell through through the parlor floor today.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,C.ROWE
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:11 AM

MY RIDING MOWER GOT STUCK
SO I PUSHED IT'S ASS
FINALLY GOT IT GOING
THEN IT RAN OUT OF GAS

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Bill Diamond
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 04:12 PM

There was a fellow from Leeds
Who ate a bag of grass seeds
In a month, silly ass
He was covered with grass
And couldn't sit down for the weeds!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Cliff
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:40 PM

This is an amazing thread! The only one I can think of tonight that hasn't already been quoted is:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket.
The ball went up his trouser leg
and stumped his middle wicket.

Sorry.
Cliff.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: topical tom
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 05:28 PM

The cow is of the bovine ilk.
   One end is moo, the other milk.

                   ...Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 07:34 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
Eating peanuts by the peck.
The flames rose up and burned his chin,
But still he poked the peanuts in.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:06 AM

Madam,
I'm Adam.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:10 AM

From Dorothy Parker (IIRC):

Higamus pigamus,*
Man is polygamous.
Hogamus, pogamous,
Woman monogamous.



*Not sure I spelled "higamus" (or some of these other words) correctly. Haven't found them in the dictionary to check yet. *g*

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Ashamed to remember
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 02:39 PM

The portions of the female which appeal to men's depravity
Are fashioned with extraordinary care
And what at first appears to be a simple little cavity
Is really an elaborate affair;
There's the vulva, the vagina, and then the perineum,
There's the hymen, that is often found in brides,
There's the cervix and ????, you'd love them if you'd see them,
And heaven knows what else there is besides;
Is it not a pity then, that when we common people chatter
Of all the mysteries of which we've heard,
That they use for such a complex and ????? matter,
Such a very short and vulgar little word?

Supposedly written by some politician (?Balfour) during a debate in Hose of Commons about a century ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Folkiedave
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:22 PM

Try googling for the Doctor's Lament!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 04:30 PM

Well, it's more blank verse than rhyme, but here's a little ditty that popped into my erstwhile-philosophy-major head one day:

Well, Friedrich Nietszche,* but Emmanuel Kant.
You once had high ideals, but Jeremy Bentham.**
Yeah, Friedrich Nietszche, but Emmanuel Kant,
'Cause he's an old Whitehead with a partial Plato.***


I think this qualifies as silly.






*"needs ya"
* "bent them"
***"plate - o"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 05:10 PM

(I think the exact quote is:

Hogamus, higamus,
Men are polygamous.
Higamus, hogamous,
Woman monogamous.

supposedly, some famous writer woke up in the middle of the night with this inspired bit of wisdom, and scribbled it down...and that is what they found in the morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:44 PM

Well, "the google" tells me that this particular silly (albeit insightful?) rhyme has been variously attributed to Ogden Nash , William James , and (most often, in recent years) Dorothy Parker

This latter source also cites a reply, allegedly from Theodore Roosevelt:
"I'd prefer a polygamist who does not polyg to a monogamist who does not monog."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:46 PM

Let's try those links again:
Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:48 PM

OK, I figured out what I did that made the clickies not turn out clickable. Fixed it.

William James or Dorothy Parker

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 10:53 PM

According to H. L. Mencken in _A New Dictionary of Quotations_ (1942), s.v. Man and Woman, "Hogamus higamus,..." is "Anon.: Doggerel in circulation in the American colleges, c. 1895". That makes it too early for either Ogden Nash or Dorothy Parker, but William James is still conceivable.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 11:18 AM

And Henry James is incomprehensible.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 12:23 PM

..which reminds me of THIS one:
There's a notable clan yclept* Stein;
There's Gertrude, there's Ep, and there's Ein.
Gert's prose has no style,
Ep's statues are vile,
And nobody understands Ein.







*yclept...look it up, it's the original form of the poem.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 11:19 AM

Consider the life of the camel,
It goes days on end without drinks,
And spends all it's life in the desert,
Attempting to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior channel,
Is blocked tight with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump of the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile!

Merry Christmas
FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Ha ha ha
Hee hee hee
elephant's nest up a rhubarb tree
I climbed up the tree
to get the eggs
and all the yellow
ran down my legs.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 11:35 AM

Either Max Miller or Max Wall got chucked off BBC Radio for this:

When roses are red
They're ready for plucking
When girls are sixteen
They're ready for...Good night everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 03:56 PM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 07 - 02:39 AM

Is the credit due
The beer He brew?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Susan
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 02:27 AM

Little Willy in his brand new sashes
Fell in the fire, and was burned to ashes
Now even though the room grows chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Willy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 09:36 PM

Ogden Nash replied to Dorothy Parker:

The girl who is bespectacled,
She may not get her necktackled,
But safety pins and bassinets
Await the girl who fascinets.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 13 Mar 08 - 11:35 AM

Seen recently and worth passing on (Dubiously attributed to Mae West)

Dear Mr Hoare Belisha,
Your name's now as famous as mine,
If your b***s are as big a your beacons,
Come up and see me sometime!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Jim Stinson
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 06:45 PM

How odd
Of God
To choose
The Jews.
--------
Not odd
Of God;
Goyim
Annoy'm.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 08:33 PM

A young lady who lived near the Bosporus
Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros.
    Said she, with a shriek,
    "His horn is unique
And leaves mere men looking preposterous."

*

The unrefined and sluggish mind
Of Homo javanensis
Could only treat of things concrete
And present to the senses. -- W. V. O. Quine

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Nadia
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 04:14 AM

Postman Pat Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran ver his cat
All the guts were flying
Pats was really crying
PAts will never drink and drive again

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:39 AM

Dewey was the morning upon the First of May
and Dewey was the Admiral down in Manila Bay
and dewey were the Spaniards eyes
those orbs of black and blue
and dew we feel discouraged?
I dew not think we dew!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,JAB Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 01:57 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
her knickers all tattered and torn
It wasnt a spider
that sat down beside her
T'was little boy blue with his horn.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 09:59 PM

There was a young lady frome Nizes..
who had breasts of two different sizes..
one was small
nothing at all..
the other was LARGE
and won prizes.

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Acorn4
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:31 PM

L O L O
A Q I C
I 8 2 Q
B 4 I P

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:49 PM

IF2Q
2PUC
UCIC
AQ2P

Reminds me of the Ronnie Corbett/Barker sketch where one of them is the waiter and the other a customer in a cafe/restaurant.

(C)FUNEX
(W)SVFX
(C)FUNEM
(W)SVFM
(C)OK, MNXSOK
ONAT2!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,laurence garnier
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 05:52 AM

just a few,

Mary lived in a mountain glen
she pleasured herself with a fountain pen
the nib came off and the ink ran wild
Mary's known as the blue black child.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white and whispy
along came foot and mouth desease
and now its black and crispy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 06:58 AM

I went to the pictures tomorrow
I got a front seat at the back.
A lady gave me a banana-
I ate it and gave it her back.
I went round a straight crooked corner
And saw a dead donkey alive ;
So I pulled a knife and I killed it
And that's how the dead donkey died.

In the merry month of Liverpool
In the city of July
The snow was raining heavily
And the streets were awful dry.
The elephant is a bonny bird
That flies across the sky ;
It makes its nest in rhubarb trees
And whistles like a fly.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 10:24 AM

The one I know is,

Mary from the mountain glen,
Seduced herself with a fountain pen,
The pen it broke and the ink went wild,
She gave birth to a blue black child,

And they called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens..........
Cos that was the name of the ink, quink, quink.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:12 AM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

It was not odd. The Jews chose God.

(that's how i learned it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:43 AM

..and from MY younger days.

"How odd of God
To choose the Jews"

"But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God,
Yet spurn the Jews."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:45 AM

"O civile si ergo!
Fortibus es in ero.
O nobili demis trux.
Watis inem? Causand dux."


and 200

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,laurence garnier
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 05:05 AM

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often


Georgie porgie pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he is gay

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 05:10 AM

little boy blew, he needed the money

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 07:05 AM

When I was a teenager, I worked for a summer on a construction site.
Humour was everywhere, though some was not that funny, and at times more crude than funny. Most were not remembered

Sometimes the humour made no sense at all. I recall one senseless rhyme I heard recited by a male worker walking by that I never forgotm for some odd reason: (maybe it was the humourous thought of guys making a jingling sound as they walked by):

"The hair grew so thick
between my ***hole and +++ck
that my balls wouldn't jingle nomore"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 08:21 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill.
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown,
But not for carrying water.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:11 AM

Maybe here before, but:


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And said, "what's in the bowl bitch"?

An interesting site location:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nursery_Rhymes

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM

Little Boy Blue, come blow up your horn -
The sheeps in the meadow, the cows in the corn.
Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep ?
He's under the haystack shagging BoPeep.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,SunnyVW
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 03:41 AM

My dad was taught this in a 1950s Latin class...

Fatima satima
On the deskalorum
Deskibus collapsibus
Fatty on the floorum

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 09:03 AM

I never understood this one (below).
Now why in the world would anyone want
to bite such a lovely thing, a bird?

""The best thing I ever bit
The best thing it was a tit""

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 10:05 PM

One I remember from many years ago (when I was at sea) If some one came in to the mess room after being on deck and said
" Its cold"
the deck crew would recite, in chorus, with suitable solemnity
" As cold as a frog in an ice-bound pool
as cold as the tip of an Eskimos tool
as cold as Charity, and thats Fuckin chilly
but it isn't as cold as our little Willie
'cos he's dead
Poor Bastard!"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 01:33 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
he rolled it into little balls
and threw it at his Dad.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 05:39 AM

My uncle Jack sat in the dock,
Picking his nose like fury,
Rolling it up in little balls,
And flicking it at the jury.

amen, Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 12:09 PM

IF you are too lazy busy to read the entire thread, just hit "ctrl F" and enter a key word from your intended post, then go F3,F3,F3 to see if it has already been posted. Some of these items have been posted 3-4 times already.

(and I DO wonder why 'silly' to some means only naughty...)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 06:29 PM

Micca: Aliter:

I'm as cool as the tip of an Eskimo's tool,
I'm as cool as a fish in a frozen pool,
Cool as a pane of frosty glass,
Cool as the fringe round a polar bear's ass.
Cool.

Highly topical, in that the Canadians are about to send New England another of those air masses.