what's the worst song you ever heard?3

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:28 PM

Two more I just thought of: The Telephone Man - more of a recitation, about getting laid by the telephone installer.

And the one with the refrain : I've been to everywhere, but I've never been to Me.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: RangerSteve
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 05:21 PM

Peace's mention of "Horse With No Name" reminded me of another, by the same group, I believe, with one of the worst rhymes ever:
"I understand You've been running from the man
Who goes by the name of the Sandman.
He rules the sky like an eagle in the eye
Of a hurricane that's abandoned."

Is a hurricane that's abandoned worse that a hurricane that isn't?
And how do you abandon a hurricane? Do other hurricanes have owners?
And does an eagle in the eye of a hurricane really rule the sky? Sounds to me like he's actually in one heck of a bind. A least until the hurricane is over. Oh, well. Maybe I'm missing something.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:36 PM

Shameful confession time. I actually really like that 'Bingo' song. Not because it has any particular musical merit, but for reasons of nostalgia.
Radio Luxembourg ('your ringa-ding swingin' station of the stars', or 'The Great 208' to disgracefully modern types) used it as the theme for their Radio Bingo Show.
They would broadcast this live 'from The Grand Duchy' to participating Bingo Halls and here I must introduce a note of puzzlement.
Those of a certain age will recall that Luxembourg was almost our only source of pop music in Britain at that time (1961 was three years before Radio Caroline sailed into our lives). The signal from Luxembourg was strong but decidedly ropey and notorious for its long slow fades.
So here's the puzzling thing: If the pop music faded in and out so much, then so would the bingo numbers.
Imagine Mrs Brown at the Mecca Bingo Hall, Penge, needing only one number for a full house. Just at the crucial moment, with Mrs B almost beside herself with excitement, atmospheric conditions kick in and the signal fades out. How does Mrs Brown (or anyone else)know whether she has that all-important winning number?
I know, I know - very likely they had a fixed telephone link or somesuch, but that spoils the story.
The other thing about the Bingo song is that, although the lyrics are trite and banal almost to the point of insanity, the song had a cracking tune. I'd love to hear it again. Does anyone know if it's available anywhere on CD, or as an MP3?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:25 PM

Remember the Smothers Brothers tour of the Honey House? The souvenier shop sold little wrecked cars.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:15 PM

NO CONTEST.

Horse With No F&^$%&# Name

followed closely by

Stairway to Heaven

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: oldhippie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 03:06 PM

For me, the worst song is "Movin' Out", it never fails to give me a heart attack-ack-ack-ack   .....ack.

There are worse vocals, but the songs are better.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:03 PM

When it comes to dross Country and Western will always feature heavily, won't it. One of my personal favourites by Pam Tillis:-

"They call me Cleopatra 'cos I'm the Queen of De Nile"

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:49 PM

Here I Stand
Three verses - one by the bride who loves the best man another by the best man who thinks the groom doesn't know and last by the groom who knows it all.

Each verse ends with
He/she loves him so
Oh lord don't let him/her know
That he's/she's I second best in her heart.


no woner the divorce rate is so high.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Sandman
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:24 PM

Tiptoe through the tulips,
theyre coming to take him away.ha ha.
knock knock there coming in the window,knock knock they are coming in the door.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 01:21 PM

Lesley Gore's old hit, "It's My Party" from the early '60's, I think. That's one. As the late Jimmy Durante used to say, "I got a million of 'em, a million of 'em."

By way of injecting controversy, how about Jimmy Buffet's classy "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?" In the same category, there's Kinky Friedman's ol anthem dedicated to Gloria Steinem and womens' lib, "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed!"

What's great about this list is the near-perfect illustration of the old maxim, "One person's meat is another's poison." I saw several songs I still like listed as dreck, while others I detest were favorites of some folks.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:23 PM

FEEEELLLLLIIINNNNGGSSSSS!!! WHOW WHOW WHOW FFFFEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIIIIINNGS!!!


or


Let it please be him
OH DEAR GOD!
It must be him. It must be him

or

Please Mister please
Don't play B17
It was our song; it was his song
But it's O-o-o-ver.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JedMarum
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:57 AM

hands down, the worst song ever written is Manilow's

I Write The Songs

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:49 AM

At Fleetwood Folk Club we had a theme night "I know a song worse that that!" There were some absolutly dreadful ones including "The Boers have got my daddy", "There's a little box of pine on the seven forty nine", "Teen angel", all cringingly awful [not the singing of, just the songs] but the one voted the worst of the evening was "I was born in Portland Town, yes I was, yes I was".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:21 AM

I note that I never did reply to Snuffy 4 years ago about "The Tennessee Bird Walk"


But, if you really want to experience it, we now have on YouTube!

It is also here, as a sound file, with lyrics, so you can be assured that is REALLY what you thought you heard them sing.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 11:07 AM

Oh, Jeri! Thank you! I have had this upset tummy for days now, and I thought nothing could cure it....but THAT set of lyrics made me gag & upchuck. I'm all better now......

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:37 AM

I probably wrote the worst song I've ever heard. If so, I've blocked it. There are bad songs I don't mind. My current beef is space-filler songs. You know--the ones that seem like they're on the CD only because: "Hey, we gotta extra 8 minutes here. Why doncha write another song?"

This one is at the top of my list. Very few things will make me turn the radio completely off in disgust, and this song is one. You may like it and that's OK. Just make the bad song stay away from ME.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:30 AM

BINGO (Dave Carey, 1961)

Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Kelly's eye, I'm the guy and she's my number one
Number three, up a tree, she's got me on the run
Number five, man alive, by all the stars above
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Number two, Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
Number four, on the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


(Kelly's eye), I'm the guy and she's my number one
(Number three), Up a tree, she's got me on the run
(Number five), Man alive, by all the stars above
(Bingo!) Bingo! I'm in love


(Number two), Little Boy Blue, is what I used to be
(Number four), On the floor, so full of misery
Till she was sweet, my key of the door and now we're hand-in-glove
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love


Hear my heart go clickety-click when I'm with my box-o-tricks
Number seven, I'm in heaven, gazing at those legs eleven


Lucky for some proved to be a lucky day for me
Number eight, at the gate, she said she'd marry me
Like two little ducks and a cock and hen, we coo like turtle doves
Bingo! Bingo! I'm in love
(Bingo! He's in love) BINGO!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 08:08 AM

Shuduppayourface - Joe Dolce.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:46 AM

Sometimes it's down to context - I was helping to put up a Dutch barn once, and we had to hire a crane for the day. The driver insisted on singing:

"Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy" non stop all day.

It was p***ing down with rain at the time which didn't improve my opinion of that one.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: kendall
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 07:42 AM

Can't stand Frank Sinatra. Everything he sang sounded like he was making it up as he went along.

Barrett's Privateers is a damn good song, and Little Drummer boy sucks!
I mean, can you imagine what a mother would do if some scruffy street urchin came in a started banging a drum while her baby was asleep?

Rudolph the rednose reindeer is near the top of the shit list too.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Acorn4
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 04:41 AM

One ot two earlier posters mentioned Red Sovine:-

I think "Little Rosa" is probably the worst of the lot by him although we're spolit for choice really there.

I reckon "I Understand" by the G-Clefs must be up there someahere.

In a lot of cases it's just something about a song that grtaes on your nerves:

I particularly found:-

"All I need is the air that I breathe and to l-u -r -vvv- e you"

particularly annoying.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:50 AM

Always a winner thread topic.........

Okay......to repeat myself........ANYTHING ever done or thought about being done by Red Sovine........"Giddy-up go Daddy...Giddy-up Go."............yeah right.....just take all of Red's bullshit and giddy it's ass up and on outta' here. What crap!

And I can't let one of these go past without mentioning Bobby Goldsboro and "Honey."........Ain't that just the sappiest piece of shit you ever heard? Makes for good parody though........
See my stiff dick, I'm so afraid
Now since you're dead I can't get laid
I needa' fuck!

Then of course there's the David Bowie thing about Major Tom the psychotic astronaut.........
Ground Control to Major Tom
You really have fucked up
........or words to that effect. It's aptly titled "Space Oddity".........now ain't that the truth? Little Hawk will be along to explain the deeper meanings of this winner and it's relationship to the Cosmos, the Tri-Lateral Commision, and a Lithuanian pants presser named Harold.........Whatever it is, YOU figure it out!

Spaw

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 02:10 AM

A while ago, while I was looking for something else on the web, I came across a country song called 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy' which tells the unlikely tale of a somewhat dimwitted American farm boy whose girlfriend is, allegedly, turned on by his...er...tractor.

A clear case of hope over experience, I should think, and guaranteed to induce tractor envy.

I'm not saying this is the worst song I ever heard, mind you, just the oddest.

The too-frequent repetition of songs can have unfortunate consequences.

At the first Middlewich Festival (in 1990, fact fans) we ran a talent competition for all comers. Nowhere in the rules did it state that (nearly) every contestant should treat us to his/her version of 'Streets Of London', but that is exactly what happened.
This made such an impression that, when subsequent festivals were being planned, the talent show was always referred to as the Streets of London Contest.

The whole episode cast a shadow over this fine song which has never really lifted.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: mg
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 12:58 AM

I think they sing them at my church..several...mg

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:51 PM

I detest most of the radio christmas songs too. With a passion. There's the odd one, though, that has some beauty to it...like one in 40 or 50 of them.

Janice - most people's definition of "worst" songs would be: "the ones I like the least".

That makes their choices pretty subjective.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 May 06 - 07:21 PM

Christmas songs. All of them....

A mooris man singing the sex pistols 'Anarchy in the UK' makes quite an imression, especially with the slight tweaking of 'is the DFSS?' to 'is the the EFDSS?'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 06:50 PM

The answer to Janice in NJ is ......................YES !!!!!

BTW - another contribution for personal reasons. Used to LOVE this one - - REALLY 'grunty' rock tune and a 'biker' anthem for years; A song VERY easy to belt along with - however, given that EVERY rock / rock covers band at EVERY bike show / biker weekend etc PLAYS the damn thing in their repertoire and having heard it now about a zillion times - and most of them VERY ordinary renditions at that; Now it just makes me wanna puke.

It is (in case you haven't already fathomed it out) - - - - - -

Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf

Closely followed bt Golden Earring's 'Radar Love'

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 23 May 06 - 04:15 PM

This all depends upon what you mean by "the worst song ever heard." Do you mean...

• Most inane lyrics?

• Most pretentious lyrics?

• Most confused or incomprehensible lyrics?

• Most obnoxious, hurtful, or disgusting lyrics?

• Most inane tune?

• Most pretentious tune?

• Most confused or incomprehensible tune?

• Most jarring, grating, or unmelodious tune?

• Worst mismatch of lyrics and tune?

• Worst arrangement of an otherwise good song?

• Worst performance of an otherwise good song?

• Some combination of the above?

• Something else entirely?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 23 May 06 - 08:58 AM

Little Hawk made the following observation: "Helen Reddy is a serious contender, no doubt about that! She and Paul Anka could have married and made...umm...extraordinary music together"

Actually Hawk I must, sadly disagree.

One HAS to acknowledge that music at its purest definition is mathematical in construction. From my mathematics background - flawed though it may be - I recall the following absolute or truism.

"any negative multiplied by another will ALWAYS result in a positive"

When the Lord made the world he made man and woman and said "go forth and multiply" - thus any musical 'progeny' of these two would be THEIR version of 'going forth and multiplying' - - - thus anything they produce (reproduce) would have to be a POSITIVE (or in other words "good").

Thus writing / singing together they would produce good music / songs - - - perhaps even exceptional music / songs - - - after all, mathematically / musically, two negatives make a positive / cancel each other out.

Which just goes to prove that mathematics doesn't prove S**T !!!

Now I know why I always HATED maths at school.

On the up-side, my wife is forever quoting the old saw "Two wrongs DON'T make a right" (Gary Larson notwithstanding) - I think I'll stick with HER version.

Pardon me all after even CONSIDERING collaboration between those two, I feel ill - - - think I'll go outside now and throw up.

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:21 PM

I saw a movie once with a younger actress in it, and she was playing a deadly serious teenage girl who played the guitar and wrote hundreds of bitter accusatory love diatribes against her ex-boyfriend and tortured people by singing them. They were simply dreadful, and boy, did they ever remind me of the stuff I was writing around age 21-24! Yikes.

It was funny in retrospect.

In one scene at the school she sees her ex coming down the hallway with a couple of other young guys, and immediately strikes a portentous E minor chord ( the darkest chord on open strings ) and proceeds to launch into one of her "goddamn heartbreaker that you are" epics.

He remarks to his pals, "She's gonna be famous some day..." (presumably because she writes a LOT of really awful songs)

Hilarious! ;-D We tend to write stuff in our youth that we would just as soon was forgotten years down the road.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:56 PM

Yep.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:49 PM

I've got a few of those too. Same deal.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Deckman
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:48 PM

The worst song I ever heard? One that I wrote at least 20 years ago. And ... my lips are forever sealed! (count your blessings). Bob(deckman)Nelson

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:36 PM

Helen Reddy is a serious contender, no doubt about that! She and Paul Anka could have married and made...umm...extraordinary music together. ;-P

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Peace
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:33 PM

Helen Reddy's "I am Woman".

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charmain
Date: 22 May 06 - 06:04 PM

I think I must be lucky in that I've never heard any Paul Anka but my Dad always said he'd had a couple of significant letters cut from his name before releasing any of his records...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 06 - 05:48 PM

Funny...I feel that way about Phil Collins too. I can't stand his singing style. But...I wouldn't say his songs are "the worst". I just don't personally like them, that's all. ;-)

It takes real talent to write "the WORST", and I'm not sure Phil has quite reached that level. I KNOW Paul Anka has! He's almost untouchable, matter of fact.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charmain
Date: 22 May 06 - 05:44 PM

Phil Collins - Another Day in Paradise

Hated it anyway because its Phil-bloody-Collins but hated it even more after being told that shortly after its release he evicted a load of harmless peops who had been busily living on a small Scottish island which he happened to own (ironic with the song being about homlessness an' all...) Apparantly they clubbed together and bought one copy of the single for each evictee signed them and sent them to him by way of thanks - good old Britich underdog spirit or what! (course it could have been a big old lie...anyone else hear that story?)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Fox
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:30 AM

'Imagine' - sanctimonious glurge.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Desdemona
Date: 22 May 06 - 11:09 AM

You can find them ALL right here, but be warned...

http://www.furious.com/perfect/badsongs.html

~D

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 22 May 06 - 10:59 AM

Al Stewart - 'Year of the bloody cat'

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Muttley
Date: 22 May 06 - 08:01 AM

Prpb'ly been said - - - but ANYTHING and EVERYTHING done by John Denver

Muttley

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Deni c
Date: 22 May 06 - 07:36 AM

Three worst

Two little boys
Tie a yellow ribbon
Honey

hard to choose between them.....

Deni

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Sad person
Date: 22 May 06 - 07:33 AM

Hi Mr Happy do you remember who sang "Bingo Bingo I'm in Love or remember any thing else about it

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,reggie miles
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 01:11 PM

There are any number of folks at open stages that tend to use the venues as a sort of testing grounds for their new material, myself included. I applaud the bravery of those who can get up and offer their skills and talent in this way. It is a very challenging arena, where, because of the constraints of time, and so many folks wanting to perform, one sometimes has only enough time to perform one or two songs in any given night. The challenge then is to develop each song you may perform so that it can be presented in it's best light. The pressure of time limits can cause hosts or MCs to feel the need to quickly move you along from the stage, so, even stage patter offered before or after each song must be considered carefully. These pressures don't often mix well with my particular approach to playing. I enjoy having a more relaxed feeling when on stage. When an inexperienced or impatient MC or host nervously invades the stage area before I am actually finished with my performance because he feels pressured to get the next act up, due to his perception of possible time constraints or whatever the reason, it's always a little annoying, but I usually take it in stride.

This attitude can play havoc with those who may be less experienced on stage and cause all kinds of unintended results. I'm not certain, but I think general nervousness, on the part of one open stage attendee, may have been the reason for his song of three words, I Love You. His repetition of just these three words, and perceived lack of any strong melody pattern, made listening to this, probably self-penned rendition, an exercise in patience. I wasn't sure if the performance was motivated by some intoxicated state or if the fellow was making a point to someone in particular in the house that evening. While I'm certain that his intentions were all the best, sadly, from merely a technical point of view, his delivery could definitely have used lots more polish. By the sound of it, he may have never sung before, and perhaps his intention wasn't a show of any sort of skill or ability but rather to simply impress that certain someone in the audience with his message, honesty and boldness. Or, he could have been just some kind of raving lunatic. Come to think of it, love can often reduce one to that level.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: robomatic
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:33 PM

When Will I See You Again?

Alberta Bound


May There Always Be Sunshine (Pust vsyegda budjet solntse - A Soviet Era children's song sung with unbearable gooiness by one of those mock childish voices, which reminds me...)

Dear Mr. Jesus (an abused child's prayer - "gwown-ups shuddn't hutt liddle childwen....")

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bloke in the Corner
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:03 PM

Little Bear, no discussion. I was on the autobahn south of Bonn about 20 years ago, it came on British Forces radio (the WORST radio station in the world, bar none). I was just passing a service area, I HAD to stop, I just couldn't drive on, I phoned my wife who tuned in and just caught the last bit of it. It still brings shudders thinking about.
Course, then again there's Bobby Bell and The Bell boys with the timeless hit 'Giddy up a ding dong'...
Or 'Dick a dum dum' in the sixties by ... who was it now?

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 02:03 PM

The song was alright, but i`m a bloody awful singer.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:52 PM

Oh yes- then there's that other
Bobby Goldsboro classic-
"Honey"
"and it would sure embarass her
when I'd come in from working late-
cause I would know
That she'd been sitting there and crying
over some sad and silly late-late show-
and Honey, I miss you and I'm being good
I long to be with you
If only I could.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Greenmanwest
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 01:49 PM

All this talk about Star Trek-
How about the theme to Star Trek- I heard
Wayne Newton sing it this way once:

"Beyond the rim of the starlight,
My love is wandering in star flight.
I know he'll find in star clustered reaches
Love, strange love a starwoman teaches.

I know his journey ends never.
His Star Trek will go on forever.
But tell him while he wanders his starry sea,
Remember, Remember me."

I can't listen to the opening song now without cringing.
I hit "mute". Every night.