BS: Resolutions for folk song characters

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Dec 03 - 06:21 PM

I will check the location of all overalls before eating chowder at Mrs Murphy's place.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Deckman
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:05 PM

When next I ride my donkey, toward the faire at Dingle, I will NOT, repeat NOT, pick up any red haired wimmen! CHEERS, Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 08:56 PM

i will never go back to a pub where there is no beer....

if i get a hundred in the backyard at mums i will not go around bragging about it...for who cares?

and why the hell would i want to go to someplace called shady groves? isn't that in kentucky where the all the men are known as uncle dad?

also...i don't care if you tie me kangaroo down sport....i'll just shoot and barbie the bugger...

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 12:00 AM

I will simply greet Col. Farrow with a kind word if we should meet on Gilgarra Mt.

I will stop wondering where all the damn flowers have gone.

I will not believe them when they tell me, "We'll cruise the seas for American gold. We'll fire no guns and shed no tears."

I will care (very deeply) if Jimmy should crack corn.

I will no longer frequent the Old Dun Cow, nor will I hang out with Brown any longer.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: LadyJean
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:21 PM

I will twine with my mingles of henna dyed hair, all the roses so red and the lillies so fair. Though nobody has ever accused me of being a frail wildwood flower.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Gordon (guest ) Cutty Wren F.C.
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 05:26 PM

I will not tell a woman with a penknife that my wife is worth ten of her.

I must stop abducting underage females with the intention to lie them next to the wall.

When I am next wounded in battle I will not seek out some hard-to-get medic in the Lake District.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Lanfranc
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 07:42 PM

I will not attempt to entice impressionable young Northumbrian ladies to release me from my prison.

Neither will I pledge to marry a Turkish girl, even after seven years have passed.

If I hear the pipes calling, I'll just phone the plumber.

Were I to witness a woman being stabbed, I would go to her aid.

If my brother went to Japan, I'd let him go alone.

Were I the servant in a Somerset household and fancied the master's daughter, I'd make sure that her brothers didn't get to hear of it.

Alan

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM

I will refuse all offers of employment in Bungaree.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: PageOfCups
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM

If I observe a senior citizen swallowing an insect, I will rush her immediately to the nearest emergency room.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: SharonA
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:55 PM

When engaging in a contest of hammering speed with a steam drill, I will bring along nitroglycerine tablets and ensure before start of contest that at least 20 people in the audience know CPR.

I will not walk by or along the banks of the Ohio with ANYBODY.

If my name is Johnson, I will at the very least learn to tolerate the presence of a yellow cat on my property, if not actually attempt to befriend the beast.

When taking a trip on a sailing ship, I will not make a stop in Jamaica, lest I leave somebody in Kingston Town.

If I marry a man named Leeds and become pregnant, I will stay out of New Jersey and away from pine trees in general.

Before going to sleep, I will ask anyone who happens to be in the same bed or room to awaken me immediately if I show any signs of dreaming that I'm talking to a deceased union organizer who insists he never died.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Sorcha
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:05 PM

I will carry out the garbage before Thanksgiving Day.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: PageOfCups
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:10 PM

If my new toy goes "zip" when it moves, "bop" when it stops, and "whirr" when it stands still, I will return it to Toys-R-Us for a refund.

If I have the urge to store my bottled beer on the wall, I will install a guard rail around the shelf to avoid falling bottles.

If I am employed stacking bananas and the boss-man insists I work past dawn, I will report him to the state labor board and organize a boycott of the company.

If I am named John Joseph Jingleheimer Smith, I will change it before an epidemic ensues.

If the green grass starts growing all around all around, I will move.

I will not sail Lake Superior when the gales of November come early.

When a Creole girl at Lake Ponchartrain leads me on then tells me she plans to be faithful to her far-off boyfriend, I will steal her mother's silver, pawn it, and buy a train ticket back home.

If I discover that I'm living next door to a little Dutch butcher, I will make sure to keep all of my pets indoors at all times.

If I am a little Dutch butcher, and my wife is prone to sleepwalking, I will not operate crank-driven machinery at night.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:33 AM

If General Pakenham asks me to march towards the mighty Mississipp' , I'll stand well clear of the 'gators.
If I see Staggerlee, I'll compliment him on his hat & keep well clear.
I'll be polite to Mrs Floyd.
I'll keep sharp implements away from Tom Dooley.
If I ever get to Houston, I'll avoid bars and quarrels.
I won't ride any train with 16 or 21 coaches.
I'll walk right on past that House of the Rising Sun.
RtS
(but that'd leave me with nothing to sing about...oh, NOW I get it...)

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: HelenR
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 08:16 AM

If my true love visits me in the middle of the night with white cheeks, I'll assume the worst.

If my true love visits me in the middle night, seven years after his death, I'll seek a psychiatric assessment.

I won't walk by the river with any handsome young man, or anywhere sandy, or shady, or lonely.

No cuckoo's nest before marriage. And no cuckoo's nest at all for soldier's - they're probably already married.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: HuwG
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:09 AM

If an Unemployment Office says they'll "send me through" to a job in the middle of nowhere, I will research the local fauna before taking up the offer.

I shall consider carefully before undertaking any activity which may end in my being sent to Van Diemen's Land. [Said activity may include, but is not limited to, taking a walk with a pretty young maid to whom I have not been formally introduced. Truly the road to hell is paved with improper intentions.]

I will write my will and testament before embarking upon a life of crime. Disposing of effects in haste while mounting the gallows may lead to omissions and inequities, due to the pressing circumstances.

If anybody asks the reason why I am wearing a green willow around my hat, I shall tell them I have escaped from a lunatic asylum. It will save time.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: MBSLynne
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 03:23 AM

I shall not go near Hull and Halifax and Hell

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:21 AM

If British soldiers come to my dreary cell and ask me to turn informer or they'll kill me, I will lie on the floor snivelling, and tell them the names of my brave companions and any other things they wish to know, in the hope of getting off with a few years hard labour.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amergin
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:05 AM

If I sail on a boat...and she sinks because of the drunken louts at the helm....she can bloody well stay under water...i'll be damned if I will risk my neck diving after her.

if I find a sweet flower i'll be careful when putting my hand into the bush...lest she prick me to the bone.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Ely
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 08:22 PM

I won't ride my bonnie Black Bess, Molly, nor any other fine horse until she drops.

I WON'T pawn that gold watch and chain.

I'll stop dancing all night with a bottle in my hand (oh, man--that sounds like a BAD idea).

I won't play any more cards in England, Spain, Texas, Maine, etc.

I won't drink and I won't smoke, I'll stay away from the greasy coat . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Noreen
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:59 PM

I will not take up any form of employment in Rosemary Lane, no matter how generous the guests (but if I do, I'll wear a winceyette nightie).

I will not lean my back against a sturdy oak.

When moving through the fair I'll be aware of who's watching me, and get him to buy me a candy floss and win me a teddy bear.

I will avoid shady groves.

I will not wrap my white apron around me when walking out at dusk (I suppose it would be ok to do so when roving out on a May morning).

I'll get my love to buy his own coat of steel- have you seen how little you get for second-hand rocks, reels and spinning wheels these days?

By the banks of the Bann, the banks of Cairnie (to watch the small fishes glide) or Blackwaterside, I shall keep my head down and keep walking.

I will not push the jug around with Sally and friends... or maybe I will :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,MBSLynne
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:33 PM

If I ever have another penny, I shall definitely have another gill.

And if any young man stands beneath my window begging me to let him in because he's cold/it's snowing/raining etc, I won't do it.........but then again.........

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:08 PM

If I make it out of town after shooting a gal's boyfriend, you betch boots I am NOT coming back no matter how much I miss her.


She'll just have to get used to it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Seaking
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:29 PM

I shall indulge no more fantasies of becoming a whistling singing blackbird

nor following my true love's vessel,

even if my nest is onboard...

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:26 PM

If they're going to hang me, I'll be damned if I'll play a tune and dance around below the gallows tree. In fact, I think that I'll bust the fiddle over the hangman's head and beat feet for out of town.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Seaking
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:22 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Mickee
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:13 PM

I will not take my Red Yo-Yo to school

I will not sell my fiddle, for if I should sell my fiddle the world would think I was mad

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 05:30 PM

I will only go to Lodi once.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:32 PM

i feel no need to prove my manhood, so i absolutely refuse to take my guns to town.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Les B.
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:27 PM

I will not let anyone named Ford sleep in my bed or eat of my bread.

I will keep the parrot cage covered should I venture out.

I won't drive any trains with the number nine in their name.

I won't go anywhere near Columbus, Georgia.

If I'm hauling a load of corn, I won't take my dog to town.

I will eschew long-necked bottles.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:56 PM

Annd if I get an invitation to MacCarthy's party, I will say I have a prior engagement.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:56 PM

if i board a ship and the band starts playing waltzing matilda, I'll immediately disembark.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:48 PM

If a young lady tries to get into bed with me because she is scared of the foggy dew, I will ask her to sit quietly on my bedside chair till she has composed herself, and then to go home.
    If I get a chance to escape from a chaingang,I will do so quietly and surreptitiously,and not send my hammer to the captain accompanied by needlessly inflammatory messages.
   I will try hard not to get any parts of my body caught in a mole-catchers trap.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:46 PM

Midchuck...what a neat story!...I always say I hang out with folkies 'cause they have a song for every occasion!

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: The Walrus
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:58 PM

When preparing for an 'assignation' with a 'lass young and pretty of fair London City' in an 'inn where we'll not be known' I will carry only as much money as I am prepared to lose and a supply of condoms (and arrange a visit to the GU clinic at the earliest opportunity).

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Midchuck
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 10:11 AM

Willie-O: True story:

20+ years ago, my daughter was 10 or so, and my son was 5 or so.

They had been playing quietly with cards in the living room, and my son seemed grumpy. I realized that my daughter had just taught him Blackjack, and was winning all his stock of pennies in the process of teaching him the fine points. My son, as a child, was freakishly gifted in the area of numbers and math, but this was new to him.

So I said, "Let's have some music!" and got out the Ian and Sylvia record that they first recorded Summer Wages on, and put the needle on that cut.

On the first line, my sun pricks up his ears, and you can see him running the numbers in his head. Daughter glares at me, yells "DADDEEEE!!"

No more pennies. In later years, Son made pocket money driving down to Foxwoods with MIT fraternity brothers to play Blackjack.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: RangerSteve
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 09:42 AM

Simple Rule: city folks don't do well out west, westerners and southerners don't do well in the city, especially northern cities. Northerners don't do well in the far north. Irish and Jewish immigrants don't do well in the States. No one does well at sea, or in a war (you die or your girlfriend back home dies).

All folk song characters should learn the song "Back in Your Own Backyard" and STAY THERE.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 08:27 AM

Ta hell with cockles and mussels, shoals of herring, running the rigging, stabbing huge marine mammals from small boats, being icebound in the Arctic, and such-like things. I'm rollin' down to Old Maui, attending the University of Hawaii, getting a degree in Accounting, and going to work for the Internal Revenue Service.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,MBS Lynne
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 02:57 AM

I WILL go to the old Dun Cow and wait for it to catch fire.......

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:40 AM

I will refrain from conversation with any stone or concrete structure, particularly if white and cross shaped.

Should I ever be invited into the home of a fetching young lady with blue eyes and a pleasant singing voice, I will not spend all night just listening to her sing.

I will vet my daughters' reading material and hide any pots of black paint. I will not keep chickens.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will immediately get any promise in writing, or have a third person present at all times.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will recommend a good miliner and go out with the farmer instead.

I will require a test of paternity before babysitting.

Silver does not make good sails.

When I get my Mercedes Benz, I will not offer a lift to any of my so-called friends.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 07:57 PM

Upon first glimpse of a newly dug grave in an unusual location I will run like hell.

If I hear anything that could conceivably be interpreted as signaling the approach of the man I an cuckolding, I will run like hell.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: PageOfCups
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 06:51 PM

I will go to medical school, study hard, and find a cure for "the fever," thereby ensuring my fortune upon graduation.

I will not steal Trevelyan's corn.

I will not lie to landladies regarding my financial status. Instead I'll just buy their damned alehouses lock, stock, and barrel(s).

When dating large-footed miner's daughters, I will insist they wear properly USCG-certified flotation devices when near bodies of water. Alternatively, I will learn to swim.

I will wait for the unicorns, going after them with lassos if necessary. (I will also kick mosquitos and tarantulas off the ark so they can have the honor of becoming mythological beasts.)

PoC

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: pixieofdoom
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM

If my true love decides to marry someone else, I will not follow him to the church, nor will I dig myself a grave. I will instead key his merc

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 03:10 PM

i will be careful to check for listening sneaks when I tell the landlords daughter I will come to her by moonlight.

also if i go to see for seven long years leaving a lovely maiden behind...i will not return expedcted that she was faithful to me...for I know that I sure wasn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 03:02 PM

In addition to staying out of the pines as abovementioned, I will henceforth eschew willow copses -- nothing good ever seems to come of being in close proximity toa willow tree.

Or a holly tree, for that matter, so I'd best avoid those.

Or a rose garden . . .

In fact, come to think of it, given the unpleasant associations attached to most European and eastern American tree and shrub species, I think I better move to the northern California foothills (where a majority of the plant life is unique to the area) and surround myself with coyote bush, madrone trees, manzanita bushes and poison oak -- no one ever writes folk songs about those.

Wait -- I already live there.

Well then, I'll just go no more a-rovin' so late into the night, and I should be OK.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:58 PM

Should I ever take a wife, I will not only get a warranty deed, but I'll insist that she be thoroughly checked for wooden legs, glass eyes, wigs, and so on.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

I will not allow my attention to be diverted by the Rolling Hills, when I should have been checking the repairs to the joints
on the steam brake valve.

I will marry her before I go

I will keep duplicate records of the gas in the Dennis.

White Lillys do not substitute for a widows pension.

I will not agree to work one last shift before marriage at High Blantyre, Senghenydd, Ty Mawr, Cilfynydd, or any other pit that you may name.

And I most definatley will not wear moleskin breeks and a durty shirt.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:04 PM

Despite me not having any job in Jacksboro, Crego will have to hire someone else to hunt the damned old buffalo.

If the Divil takes me wife (the bane and torment of me life) down to hell, I won't take her back even if she's chucked out agin!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM

I propose that, should my intended turn into a variety of beasts,I shall go and find a nice chartered accountant somewhere.

Should I succumb to the urge to slaughter my new born babe, I will then have the good sense not to go offering all manner of blandishments to some other small person.

No matter how vexed in the matter of love I become, I will leave laurel leaves to the colour nature intended them to be

The bold Irish lad will at all times get the rough edge of my tongue and possibly a punch up the bracket irrespective of what he may say regarding sun rises.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:35 PM

"Just in case, wear an undershirt."

wind, on the ocean, often involves water. Just what those sailors need, a wet tee-shirt contest!

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:29 PM

I resolve to take all nessessary precautions and to judiciously follow all Canadian Coastguard safety regulations when operating or otherwise engaged in activity upon the deck of a seagoing vessel.