Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy

Subject: Origins: Christopher Columbo / Christofo Colombo
From: and e
Date: 19 May 24 - 09:03 PM

I did a search for a thread of this song using Google and the Mudcat
thread search for all time and see no discussion of this song.

This is a bawdy song. If you are easily offended, please don't post
this this thread and it will disappear faster. I'll be posting bawdy
texts, references and clean versions.

CRISTOFO COLUMBO

In fourteen ninety-two,
Down in the Spanish Alley
A dego took his cock in hand
And shouted hot tamale.

Chorus:
He said the world was round-o;
His balls hung down to the ground-o;
That masturbatin', fornicatin'
Son-of-a-bitch Colombo.

A girl ran from an alley
And who was it that pursued her.
The vitamin egg ran down her leg,
Columbo sure had screwed her.

Chorus

At that time that in Spain
There reined a queen called Isabella
She knew by a glance at the bulge in his pants
That Chris was a fine young fello

Chorus

Columbo had a one eyed mate,
He loved him like a brother,
Every night 'til very late,
They'd masturbate each another.

Chorus

For forty days and forty nights
They sailed in search of booty.
Upon the shore they spied a whore
By God, she was a beauty.

Chorus

They went over the rail by head and tail ,
A-shedding coats and collars;
In fifteen minutes by the clock,
She made nine thousand dollars.

Text above is transcribed from The Unexpurgated Folk Songs of Men
LP. Recorded in 1959 and issued in 1960.

More texts to follow.... when time allows.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: Robert B. Waltz
Date: 20 May 24 - 04:15 AM

and e wrote: This is a bawdy song.

Oddly enough, by origin, it may not be, although it certainly is best known as one. Here is the Ballad Index entry, with what we know about the origin:

Christopher Columbo
DESCRIPTION: Columbo, that navigating, masturbating son-of-a-bitch, sails the world round-o, master and crew engaging in a variety of sexual practices on land and sea.
AUTHOR: A (clean) version was copyrighted by Francis J. Bryant (see NOTES)
EARLIEST DATE: 1893 and the Columbian Exposition in Chicago
KEYWORDS: bawdy sex humorous whore exploration | Christopher Columbus
HISTORICAL REFERENCES:
1451-1506 - Life of Cristoforo Colombo (who went by the Spanish name Cristóbal Colón), known in English as "Christopher Columbus"
1492 - first of Columbus's four voyages to the New World, which he never figured out was not the coast of Asia, because (although everyone knew the world was spherical) he used a blatantly wrong figure for its diameter and never thought to do an experiment to check the correct figure, which was known to everyone but him, He was indeed brave. He was also an extreme racist, so quarrelsome that his subordinates usually hated him, a credit-stealer, a money-grubber, and a bigot.
FOUND IN: Australia Canada US(MW,Ro,So,SW)
REFERENCES (10 citations):
Harlow-ChantyingAboardAmericanShips, pp. 55-58, "Christopher Columbus" (1 text, 1 tune)
Cray-EroticMuse, pp. 308-315, "Christopher Columbo" (3 texts, 1 tune)
Randolph/Legman-RollMeInYourArms I, pp. 502-505, "Christopher Columbo" (2 texts, 1 tune)
Hopkins-SongsFromTheFrontAndRear, pp 152-153, "Christoper Columbo" (1 text, 1 tune)
Shay-AmericanSeaSongsAndChanteys, pp. 207-212, "Christofo Columbo" (1 text, 1 tune)
Shay-BarroomBallads/PiousFriendsDrunkenCompanions, pp. 18-22, "Christoforo Colombo" (1 text, 1 tune)
Kinsey-SongsOfTheSea, pp. 173-174, "Christopher Columbus" (1 text, 1 tune)
Niles/Moore-SongsMyMotherNeverTaughtMe, pp. 106-107, "Columbo" (1 text)
Morgan/Green-RugbySongs, pp. 186-187, "Christopher Columbo" (1 text)
DT, COLOMBO COLUMB2*
Roud #4843
RECORDINGS:
Anonymous singer, "Christopho Columbo" (on Unexp1)
Arkansas Charlie [pseud. for Charlie Craver], "Oh Christofo Columbo" (Brunswick 410, 1930)
Billy Jones, "Christofo Columbo" (CYL: Edison [BA] 5008, prob. 1925)
Billy Jones & Ernest Hare, "Christofo Columbo" (OKeh 40397, 1925)
Andy Kirk & his Mighty Clouds of Joy, "Christopher Columbus" (Decca 729, 1936)
Old Ced Odom & Lil "Diamonds" Hardaway, "Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Two (Christopho Columbo)" (Decca, uniss.; rec. 1936)
CROSS-REFERENCES:
cf. "The Good Ship Venus" (lyrics)
cf. "The Sailor in Nagasaki" (tune, according to Niles/Moore-SongsMyMotherNeverTaughtMe)
cf. "Christopher Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue" (character of Christopher Columbus)
cf. "Christopher Columbus Was a Very Brave Man" (character of Christopher Columbus)
NOTES [171 words]: This song frequently borrows verses -- identifiable by their internal rhyme in the third line or "limerick form" -- from "The Good Ship Venus."
This would not pass muster as a history of Christopher Columbus' voyage of 1492. - EC
A distinct understatement.
Incidentally, it is not clear whether this was originally clean or dirty. The 1893 date cited above is for a clean version, of which John Garst writes, "We all know 'Christofo Columbo' as a bawdy ballad, but in the Robert W. Gordon papers at the University of Oregon there is a 'clean' version, 'Written and Composed by Francis J. Bryant,' 'Copyright, 1893, by M. Witmark and Sons. Entered at Stationers' Hall, London....
If you wonder how the chorus could be 'clean,' here it is:
He knew the earth was round, ho! that land it could be found, ho!
The geographic, hard and hoary navigator, gyratory Christofo Columbo."
Shay's clean version has the chorus
Oh, Christofo Columbo,
He thought the world was round-o;
That pioneering, buccaneering,
Son-of-a-gun, Columbo! - RBW
Last updated in version 6.5

File: EM308

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: Lighter
Date: 20 May 24 - 08:08 AM

Frederick E. Harlow's "Chanteying Aboard American Ships" prints an expurgated bawdy version that he seems to have heard in 1876.

Intriguingly, one of Herbert Canfield's informants (1926) believed (on no known evidence) that the song was known "before the Civil War."

It's certainly possible that Bryant had heard the bawdy song in some version and cleaned it up to cash in on the World's Columbian Exposition of 1893 in Chicago.

A clear case of cashing in was "Christofo Columbo Thought the World was Round-o," music & lyrics by “Speed” Langworthy, performed by vaudevillians Gus Van and Joe Schenck (Chicago: Will Rossiter, 1924).

The sheet music calls it "A Popular Version of an Old Sea Chantey." Including encores, Langworthy manages no less than 52 stanzas, only two or three of which are recognizably based on those in the bawdy song.

Langworthy's chorus calls Columbus "That persevering, buccaneering,/ Sailor man Columbo."

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: cnd
Date: 20 May 24 - 09:54 AM

Here's the two DT references above, cited in Waltz's Ballad Index entry:

CHRISTOFO COLUMBO

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBO

Here's my transcription of an uncredited version on YouTube, [Christopher Columbo (bawdy song)] - Plain White Label - Party Record

(spoken) Talking about Italy, their grand, old songs... did you ever hear about the grand old man of Italy, old Columbus? Boy, what a man, with his cock hanging down to his knees out in the ocean breeze, he sailed that broad Atlantic. Boy, what a man was he. Well here's about the ocean voyage that old Columbus undertook. When men were men, women were women, on the high, high, seas

Now in Fourteen hundred and ninety two
A wop came from Italio
Walked down the streets of Spain, but hey
Yelling "hot tamale-os!"

CHORUS
Columbo, Columbo
He thought the world was round-o
Ah, there's high-fanatical, geographical
Sonofabitch, Columbo

He ups into the Queen of Spain
And he asks for ships and cargo
And he swore he'd be a sonofabitch
If he didn't bring back Chicago

"Well, Columbus," she says, the Queen
"Uh -- you've asked for things a-plenty
Now, you've asked for cargo ships and men
But son, what about the women?"

CHORUS

Now for weeks and months and months and weeks
They sailed the broad Atlantic
And for a piece of poon-tang
Heh, that whole damn crew went frantic

The skipper came on deck one day
His cock was like a mast fold
He grabbed the first mate round the neck
And shoved it up his asshole

CHORUS

Why, the skipper's wife come on deck one day
A-selling shirts and collars
Ah, but with her cunt-- yeah, in five minutes
She made five thousand dollars

Now there was a monkey on this deck
This monkey's name was Jumbo
He cornholed everything on deck
And even, too, Columbo

And then they saw some Indian gals
As they started in swimming
Columbus yelled "We won't have to jack off
Cause here comes the women!"

CHORUS (x2)

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: Lighter
Date: 20 May 24 - 01:02 PM

Thanks for the transcription, Carter. Here's what I hear:

"Spain by day,"

"tamale-o!"

"Ups unto"   

"like a mastpole."

(The singer's intro and its delivery sound like an imitation of Burl Ives's on his late forties radio show.)

Significantly, a "monk" named Jumbo also appears in Harlow's version as well as in one found by Randolph in Missouri in 1929 from a man who said he'd learned it in 1898. Jumbo is absent from the ten stanzas in Immmortalia - and from all others printed AFAIK. In both Harlow and Randolph, "Jumbo" is a victim - though in Randolph he's described as both a "monk" and a "sailorman."

"Jumbo the Elephant" was a famous Barnum exhibit. According to Oxford:

"Jumbo... A big clumsy person, animal, or thing; popularized, esp., as the individual name of an elephant, famous for its size, in the London Zoological Gardens, subsequently sold in February 1882 to Barnum."

Once established in English, "Jumbo" would seem to be an inevitable rhyme for "Columbo." Wikipedia dates the elephant's appearance at the London Zoo to 1860. ("Dumbo," of course, was yet unknown.)

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: cnd
Date: 21 May 24 - 08:46 AM

Thanks for the corrections, Jonathan. All sound correct to my ear -- except I do think he says "tamale-os" plural, but that's small potatoes.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: Lighter
Date: 21 May 24 - 10:23 AM

Ewan MacColl recorded a wholly expurgated version on "Bless 'em All and Other British Army Songs" (Riverside, 1957).

MacColl's tune is closer to "In and Out the Window" than, say, Oscar Brand's tune.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: and e
Date: 22 May 24 - 07:27 PM

Thanks cnd for posting the transcription of

Christopher Columbo (Version #1)

Anyone that has done transcription knows one can can get word-blind
when listening to something over and over. It's not easy work.

BTW, I'm the one that posted the record to youtube. Collecting
party records (and posting them to youtube) is tangential
to my primary research. I have posted another blank label
"Christopher Columbo" online here:

Christopher Columbo (Version #2) - 78 Party Record

It is a better performance and longer than the first one.
cnd if you (or anyone else) would have a go at transcribing,
it would would be appreciated...

Here is a limerick party record. It's not the usual limericks
and a good performance:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38kv6tFgrvg

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: and e
Date: 22 May 24 - 11:03 PM

3907

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBO

In fourteen hundred ninety-two
A dago from Italia
Roamed and roamed the streets of Rome
Selling his hot tamales.

Christopher Columbo,
He knew the world was round-o
That urinating, masturbating, son of a bitch Columbo.

He said to the king, to the king said he,
Just give me ships and cargo
In fourteen days you son of a bitch
I'll bring you back Chicago.

The Queen she hocked her family jewels
To get Columbus started
And on the decks she wept with tears
But Columbus only farted.

Columbus piped, "All hands on deck."
And tied them to the mast pole
Then he took down all their pants
And fucked them in the ass hole.

The cabin maid ran down the deck
The villain he pursued her
The white of an egg ran down her leg
Columbo he had screwed her.

In fourteen days they sighted land
It was the isle of Cuba
A big fat whore ran down to shore
With legs just like a tuba.

Columbus he jumped overboard
The crew they stripped and followed
In forty-five minutes by the clock
She'd made ten thousand dollars.

Columbus he came back on deck
His tool was sore and fiery
He wiped it off on the tablecloth
And logged it in his diary.

In Spain the doctors they were few
The syph doctors not many
The only one Columbus knew
Was a God damn Jew named Benny.

Columbus went up and that Jew
His face was calm and placid
The God damn fool filled up his tool,
With muriatic acid.

Van Hook

Gordon "Inferno" Collection, #3907. No date (1920s). Notes say part of manuscript is missing.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: and e
Date: 22 May 24 - 11:07 PM

3908

In fourteen hundred ninety two
There lived Queen Isabella ('Twas then)
She had to do with a god damned fool
Said here's your dago feller.

She wanted him to leave the land
And for a damned good reason
For he had screwed her husband's wife
And that you know was treason.

Columbus stood upon the deck
And gazed out o'er the ocean
The god damned crew ran down below
Because they lacked emotion.

Columbus stood upon the deck
And gazed out through his glass hole
The second mate crept up behind
And goosed him in the arsehole.

Columbus stood upon the deck
And there he took his station
The god damned crew went down below
And practised masturbation,

Columbus stood upon the deck
And gazed out o'er the ocean
When on the shore he saw a whore (And)
Which filled him with emotion.

The god damned crew jumped in the boat
Their cocks were red and - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sailors jumped into the boat
And doffed their coats and collars (Undid)
In fifteen minutes by the clock (Fifty)
She made six hundred dollars.

Columbus too would have his piece
His cook was red and fiery
He rammed it down into the ship
And wrote it in his diary.

Of doctors in those good old days
There were not very many
Except one god damned little Jew
Who went by the name of Benny,

Columbo went to Benny
His cock was red and flaccid
The god damned fool filled up his tool
With hot sulphuric acid.

His balls they went around oh
Until they touched the ground oh,
That geographical son of a bitch
That Christopho Columbo.

Gordon "Inferno" Collection, #3908. No date, no location, no contributor.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: and e
Date: 22 May 24 - 11:10 PM

3909

April 2, 1918

In fourteen hundred ninety two
A dago from I-tal-y
Was walking down the streets of Rome,
A-selling hot tamales.

Christopher Colombo,
He knew the world was round O!
That masturbating, fornicating,
Song of a bitch Colombo!

He went up to the Queen of Spain,
And asked for ships and cargo,
And "I'll be a son of a son of a bitch,
If I don't bring back Chicargo!"

The Queen of Spain, she hocked her clock,
To get Colombo started,
She wept and cried all over the dock,
Colombo merely farted.

Colombo piped all hands on deck,
And tied them to the mast O!
And then he took their panties down
And screwed them in the ass, O!

The cabin girl ran down the deck,
The villain still pursued her,
The white of an egg ran down her leg,
Colombo he had screwed her!

Colombo had a one-eyed mate,
He loved him like a brother,
And every night at seven bells,
They hopped upon each other!

And when at last they spied the shore,
It was the coast of Cuby,
Upon the shore there stood a whore,
By God, she was a beauty!

Colombo, he jumped overboard
The crew shed coats and collars,
In fifteen minutes by the clock,
She made nine hundred dollars.

Back to the ship Colombo went.
His prick was red and fiery,
He wiped it on the table-cloth,
And logged it in his diary!

Of all the doctors in Cadis,
There weren't so very many,
The only one Colombo knew,
Was a goddamn Jew named Benny.

So to this doc Colombo went,
His face was calm and placid,
But the goddamn fool filled up his tool
With muriatic acid!

Gordon "Inferno" Collection, #3909; Arch., Monastery, 4/2/18.

Subject: RE: Origin:Christopher Columbo/Christofo Colombo-bawdy
From: cnd
Date: 23 May 24 - 09:46 AM

I should have figured you were associated with the party records page, John. It's too 'you' not to have been! Anyhow, here's my transcription of the Christopher Columbo #2 recording which you linked above. It's very, very close to the lyrics of the other recording.

(spoken) Strike up the band.
(spoken) Up your ass, Butch
(spoken) Fuck you, you sonofabitch.
(spoken) What the hell is this?

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety Two
A dago from Italio
Walked down the streets of Spain by day
Yelling hot tamalio

CHORUS
Columbo, Columbo
He thought the world was round-o
That high fanatical, geographical
Son-of-a-bitch Columbo

He went unto the queen of Spain
He asked for ships and cargo
Swore he'd be a sonofabitch
If he didn't bring back Chicago

Queen Anne, she says, "Columbus dear
"Please, now, don't get frantic
But what will you do for poon-tang
When you sail the broad Atlantic?"

CHORUS

For weeks and months and months and weeks
They sailed the broad Atlantic
And for a piece of poon-tang
That whole damn crew was frantic.

The skipper came on deck one day
His prick was like a mastpole
He grabbed a sailor round the neck
And he shoved it up his asshole

CHORUS

The skipper's wife come on deck one day
Selling shirts and collars
But with her cunt in just five minutes
He made five thousand dollars

There was a monkey on this deck
This monkey's name was Jumbo
He grabbed Columbus by the neck
And threw it up his asshole

CHORUS (x2)