BS: Resolutions for folk song characters

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:01 AM

I will drink as much Johnny Jump Up as I like, even if I do reach 100 or 110, which, given the properties of JJU is highly unlikely.

I will not take girls called Maggie into the wood for any purpose.

I will buy a boat and a canoe before contemplating marriage.

I will not restrict my dancing to one particular religious holiday - I'll dance when and where I damned well please!

I will not let my love go walking through the dark fair on her own.

I will subject any prospective marriage partner to an extensive body search for the 'folorum dingdorum' and associated 'courage'.

I will confine my daily excercise to some star jumps and some press ups, indoors, during May.

If I do venture out in May, I will avoid all areas dedicated to agricultural pursuits, specifically, meadows of flowers, haymounds, newly or partially ploughed fields or anywhere that nightingales might nest.

If walking for excercise I will take with me powder, shot, spare ramrod and a book on the habits of native mammalian fauna.

I will ignore everything that lying bastard William tells me.

Similarly, I will not do everything my elder sister tells me to do.

Breastbones make lousy harps.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:21 AM

if i fall in love with a girl who crosses the ocean...i will follow her instead of remaining behind to pine for her in my whiskey glass, wondering about the ring I gave her.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 03:22 AM

I will not indulge in any wilful grief for Jock of Hazledean. I will take the offered bribes and find another love, one who won't expect me to go over the border and awa' wi' him. I like it here.
Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 08:11 AM

When driving a train I'll obey the speed limits, make certain that the brakes work BEFORE leaving the station, and insure that the track ahead is clear.

I won't require more of the girl I left behind me than I'm willing to do myself.

I'll not spend a lot of time digging for gold before going back to laying bricks.

You know, I *will* lay under the junipers and watch the jugs a-fillin'. And I *will* use only hickory, ash, or oak.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: RangerSteve
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:10 AM

If the band starts playing a waltz named after a state, I'm taking my girl outside for a walk until they're through.

I'm not seeking my fortune in the city. Or out west. Or across the sea. Or up north. I will not work in the mines or pick crops. I will lay around the shack til the mail train comes back and roll in my sweet baby's arms.

I will not court or marry anyone named Nellie or Maggie, their life expectancy's are too short. For that matter, any girl that Stephen Foster writes about is out, with the exception of Nelly Bly.

I will not come home drunk night after night, at least not so drunk that I can't tell the difference between a man's head and a cabbage.

I am not kissing the cold lips of a dead person. Nor am I going to request that anyone kiss mine.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Willie-O
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:15 AM

If I need a shilling, I will borrow it or steal it from a coin collection or something. God help me I might even work for it. I will not accept it from anyone in a snappy red uniform.

Polly and I will go for counselling.

I will not stay late at Paddy Murphy's wake, and while I'm there I won't be associating with Kelly, his friends, O'Callaghan, Flinigan, Flanagan, or that dirty Andy Burke. O'Leary breaks out the bagpipes, I'm outta there.

I will maintain a healthy distance from cannonballs, roaring or otherwise.

And I'll NEVER EVER hit seventeen while playing against the dealer. I don't want to wind up on a tow boat again.

Just to be on the safe side, I will drop the last letter of my name.

Willie-O

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:21 AM

I will not trifle with the King's deer; or at least not in such a way as to get caught.

If someone persuades my mother to make a soldier out of me and tries to make me wear a weird hat, I will simply slip away from home in the middle of the night.

I will not roam around the streets at night and break the laws of Man.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Willie-O
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:33 AM

And oh yeah, if I have a dream foretelling my death in battle, I will be sleeping in the next day.

And if Pretty Peggy taunts me to go out and face four hundred armed brigands to get my kye back, I will ignore her and write a braid letter to my Farmers Co-Oppe Insurance Companye instead.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 11:15 AM

I will check my pistols for water before use.

I will not go on holiday with those 6 men from Dorset again.

I will not entice beautiful young men home until I am sure that little sneak of a pageboy is off bending his legs somewhere else.

I will not visit any former lover, no matter how much they call for me or how sick they are.

I will always know the whereabouts of my Willy.

Should my Willy disappear, he gets 12 months max, then I'm outta here!

I will learn another trade other than weaving, four loom or otherwise.

I will keep my glass eye securely fixed at all times.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 12:13 PM

Should I ever be required to don men's clothing and sail awa' on the same vessel on which my fiance has been pressed and shipped away, I shall:

1. Find a more secure way of fastening my jacket than those silver buttons. Note to self: would Velcro hold in a stiff wind?

2. Just in case, wear an undershirt.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:29 PM

I resolve to take all nessessary precautions and to judiciously follow all Canadian Coastguard safety regulations when operating or otherwise engaged in activity upon the deck of a seagoing vessel.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:35 PM

"Just in case, wear an undershirt."

wind, on the ocean, often involves water. Just what those sailors need, a wet tee-shirt contest!

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM

I propose that, should my intended turn into a variety of beasts,I shall go and find a nice chartered accountant somewhere.

Should I succumb to the urge to slaughter my new born babe, I will then have the good sense not to go offering all manner of blandishments to some other small person.

No matter how vexed in the matter of love I become, I will leave laurel leaves to the colour nature intended them to be

The bold Irish lad will at all times get the rough edge of my tongue and possibly a punch up the bracket irrespective of what he may say regarding sun rises.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:04 PM

Despite me not having any job in Jacksboro, Crego will have to hire someone else to hunt the damned old buffalo.

If the Divil takes me wife (the bane and torment of me life) down to hell, I won't take her back even if she's chucked out agin!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

I will not allow my attention to be diverted by the Rolling Hills, when I should have been checking the repairs to the joints
on the steam brake valve.

I will marry her before I go

I will keep duplicate records of the gas in the Dennis.

White Lillys do not substitute for a widows pension.

I will not agree to work one last shift before marriage at High Blantyre, Senghenydd, Ty Mawr, Cilfynydd, or any other pit that you may name.

And I most definatley will not wear moleskin breeks and a durty shirt.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 02:58 PM

Should I ever take a wife, I will not only get a warranty deed, but I'll insist that she be thoroughly checked for wooden legs, glass eyes, wigs, and so on.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 03:02 PM

In addition to staying out of the pines as abovementioned, I will henceforth eschew willow copses -- nothing good ever seems to come of being in close proximity toa willow tree.

Or a holly tree, for that matter, so I'd best avoid those.

Or a rose garden . . .

In fact, come to think of it, given the unpleasant associations attached to most European and eastern American tree and shrub species, I think I better move to the northern California foothills (where a majority of the plant life is unique to the area) and surround myself with coyote bush, madrone trees, manzanita bushes and poison oak -- no one ever writes folk songs about those.

Wait -- I already live there.

Well then, I'll just go no more a-rovin' so late into the night, and I should be OK.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 03:10 PM

i will be careful to check for listening sneaks when I tell the landlords daughter I will come to her by moonlight.

also if i go to see for seven long years leaving a lovely maiden behind...i will not return expedcted that she was faithful to me...for I know that I sure wasn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: pixieofdoom
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM

If my true love decides to marry someone else, I will not follow him to the church, nor will I dig myself a grave. I will instead key his merc

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: PageOfCups
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 06:51 PM

I will go to medical school, study hard, and find a cure for "the fever," thereby ensuring my fortune upon graduation.

I will not steal Trevelyan's corn.

I will not lie to landladies regarding my financial status. Instead I'll just buy their damned alehouses lock, stock, and barrel(s).

When dating large-footed miner's daughters, I will insist they wear properly USCG-certified flotation devices when near bodies of water. Alternatively, I will learn to swim.

I will wait for the unicorns, going after them with lassos if necessary. (I will also kick mosquitos and tarantulas off the ark so they can have the honor of becoming mythological beasts.)

PoC

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Russ
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 07:57 PM

Upon first glimpse of a newly dug grave in an unusual location I will run like hell.

If I hear anything that could conceivably be interpreted as signaling the approach of the man I an cuckolding, I will run like hell.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:40 AM

I will refrain from conversation with any stone or concrete structure, particularly if white and cross shaped.

Should I ever be invited into the home of a fetching young lady with blue eyes and a pleasant singing voice, I will not spend all night just listening to her sing.

I will vet my daughters' reading material and hide any pots of black paint. I will not keep chickens.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will immediately get any promise in writing, or have a third person present at all times.

Should anyone court me wearing a hat decked with primroses, I will recommend a good miliner and go out with the farmer instead.

I will require a test of paternity before babysitting.

Silver does not make good sails.

When I get my Mercedes Benz, I will not offer a lift to any of my so-called friends.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,MBS Lynne
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 02:57 AM

I WILL go to the old Dun Cow and wait for it to catch fire.......

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 08:27 AM

Ta hell with cockles and mussels, shoals of herring, running the rigging, stabbing huge marine mammals from small boats, being icebound in the Arctic, and such-like things. I'm rollin' down to Old Maui, attending the University of Hawaii, getting a degree in Accounting, and going to work for the Internal Revenue Service.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: RangerSteve
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 09:42 AM

Simple Rule: city folks don't do well out west, westerners and southerners don't do well in the city, especially northern cities. Northerners don't do well in the far north. Irish and Jewish immigrants don't do well in the States. No one does well at sea, or in a war (you die or your girlfriend back home dies).

All folk song characters should learn the song "Back in Your Own Backyard" and STAY THERE.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Midchuck
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 10:11 AM

Willie-O: True story:

20+ years ago, my daughter was 10 or so, and my son was 5 or so.

They had been playing quietly with cards in the living room, and my son seemed grumpy. I realized that my daughter had just taught him Blackjack, and was winning all his stock of pennies in the process of teaching him the fine points. My son, as a child, was freakishly gifted in the area of numbers and math, but this was new to him.

So I said, "Let's have some music!" and got out the Ian and Sylvia record that they first recorded Summer Wages on, and put the needle on that cut.

On the first line, my sun pricks up his ears, and you can see him running the numbers in his head. Daughter glares at me, yells "DADDEEEE!!"

No more pennies. In later years, Son made pocket money driving down to Foxwoods with MIT fraternity brothers to play Blackjack.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: The Walrus
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 01:58 PM

When preparing for an 'assignation' with a 'lass young and pretty of fair London City' in an 'inn where we'll not be known' I will carry only as much money as I am prepared to lose and a supply of condoms (and arrange a visit to the GU clinic at the earliest opportunity).

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:46 PM

Midchuck...what a neat story!...I always say I hang out with folkies 'cause they have a song for every occasion!

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:48 PM

If a young lady tries to get into bed with me because she is scared of the foggy dew, I will ask her to sit quietly on my bedside chair till she has composed herself, and then to go home.
    If I get a chance to escape from a chaingang,I will do so quietly and surreptitiously,and not send my hammer to the captain accompanied by needlessly inflammatory messages.
   I will try hard not to get any parts of my body caught in a mole-catchers trap.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,amergin
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:56 PM

if i board a ship and the band starts playing waltzing matilda, I'll immediately disembark.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 03:56 PM

Annd if I get an invitation to MacCarthy's party, I will say I have a prior engagement.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Les B.
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:27 PM

I will not let anyone named Ford sleep in my bed or eat of my bread.

I will keep the parrot cage covered should I venture out.

I won't drive any trains with the number nine in their name.

I won't go anywhere near Columbus, Georgia.

If I'm hauling a load of corn, I won't take my dog to town.

I will eschew long-necked bottles.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 04:32 PM

i feel no need to prove my manhood, so i absolutely refuse to take my guns to town.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 05:30 PM

I will only go to Lodi once.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,Mickee
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 06:13 PM

I will not take my Red Yo-Yo to school

I will not sell my fiddle, for if I should sell my fiddle the world would think I was mad

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Seaking
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:22 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:26 PM

If they're going to hang me, I'll be damned if I'll play a tune and dance around below the gallows tree. In fact, I think that I'll bust the fiddle over the hangman's head and beat feet for out of town.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Seaking
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 02:29 PM

I shall indulge no more fantasies of becoming a whistling singing blackbird

nor following my true love's vessel,

even if my nest is onboard...

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:08 PM

If I make it out of town after shooting a gal's boyfriend, you betch boots I am NOT coming back no matter how much I miss her.


She'll just have to get used to it.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: GUEST,MBSLynne
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:33 PM

If I ever have another penny, I shall definitely have another gill.

And if any young man stands beneath my window begging me to let him in because he's cold/it's snowing/raining etc, I won't do it.........but then again.........

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Noreen
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 05:59 PM

I will not take up any form of employment in Rosemary Lane, no matter how generous the guests (but if I do, I'll wear a winceyette nightie).

I will not lean my back against a sturdy oak.

When moving through the fair I'll be aware of who's watching me, and get him to buy me a candy floss and win me a teddy bear.

I will avoid shady groves.

I will not wrap my white apron around me when walking out at dusk (I suppose it would be ok to do so when roving out on a May morning).

I'll get my love to buy his own coat of steel- have you seen how little you get for second-hand rocks, reels and spinning wheels these days?

By the banks of the Bann, the banks of Cairnie (to watch the small fishes glide) or Blackwaterside, I shall keep my head down and keep walking.

I will not push the jug around with Sally and friends... or maybe I will :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Ely
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 08:22 PM

I won't ride my bonnie Black Bess, Molly, nor any other fine horse until she drops.

I WON'T pawn that gold watch and chain.

I'll stop dancing all night with a bottle in my hand (oh, man--that sounds like a BAD idea).

I won't play any more cards in England, Spain, Texas, Maine, etc.

I won't drink and I won't smoke, I'll stay away from the greasy coat . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Amergin
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:05 AM

If I sail on a boat...and she sinks because of the drunken louts at the helm....she can bloody well stay under water...i'll be damned if I will risk my neck diving after her.

if I find a sweet flower i'll be careful when putting my hand into the bush...lest she prick me to the bone.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: greg stephens
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:21 AM

If British soldiers come to my dreary cell and ask me to turn informer or they'll kill me, I will lie on the floor snivelling, and tell them the names of my brave companions and any other things they wish to know, in the hope of getting off with a few years hard labour.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: MBSLynne
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 03:23 AM

I shall not go near Hull and Halifax and Hell

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: HuwG
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:09 AM

If an Unemployment Office says they'll "send me through" to a job in the middle of nowhere, I will research the local fauna before taking up the offer.

I shall consider carefully before undertaking any activity which may end in my being sent to Van Diemen's Land. [Said activity may include, but is not limited to, taking a walk with a pretty young maid to whom I have not been formally introduced. Truly the road to hell is paved with improper intentions.]

I will write my will and testament before embarking upon a life of crime. Disposing of effects in haste while mounting the gallows may lead to omissions and inequities, due to the pressing circumstances.

If anybody asks the reason why I am wearing a green willow around my hat, I shall tell them I have escaped from a lunatic asylum. It will save time.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: HelenR
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 08:16 AM

If my true love visits me in the middle of the night with white cheeks, I'll assume the worst.

If my true love visits me in the middle night, seven years after his death, I'll seek a psychiatric assessment.

I won't walk by the river with any handsome young man, or anywhere sandy, or shady, or lonely.

No cuckoo's nest before marriage. And no cuckoo's nest at all for soldier's - they're probably already married.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:33 AM

If General Pakenham asks me to march towards the mighty Mississipp' , I'll stand well clear of the 'gators.
If I see Staggerlee, I'll compliment him on his hat & keep well clear.
I'll be polite to Mrs Floyd.
I'll keep sharp implements away from Tom Dooley.
If I ever get to Houston, I'll avoid bars and quarrels.
I won't ride any train with 16 or 21 coaches.
I'll walk right on past that House of the Rising Sun.
RtS
(but that'd leave me with nothing to sing about...oh, NOW I get it...)

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: PageOfCups
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 02:10 PM

If my new toy goes "zip" when it moves, "bop" when it stops, and "whirr" when it stands still, I will return it to Toys-R-Us for a refund.

If I have the urge to store my bottled beer on the wall, I will install a guard rail around the shelf to avoid falling bottles.

If I am employed stacking bananas and the boss-man insists I work past dawn, I will report him to the state labor board and organize a boycott of the company.

If I am named John Joseph Jingleheimer Smith, I will change it before an epidemic ensues.

If the green grass starts growing all around all around, I will move.

I will not sail Lake Superior when the gales of November come early.

When a Creole girl at Lake Ponchartrain leads me on then tells me she plans to be faithful to her far-off boyfriend, I will steal her mother's silver, pawn it, and buy a train ticket back home.

If I discover that I'm living next door to a little Dutch butcher, I will make sure to keep all of my pets indoors at all times.

If I am a little Dutch butcher, and my wife is prone to sleepwalking, I will not operate crank-driven machinery at night.

Subject: RE: BS: Resolutions for folk song characters
From: Sorcha
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 04:05 PM

I will carry out the garbage before Thanksgiving Day.