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Subject: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:50 AM As Christmas time approaches it is Pantomime Time in Britain. Do any of you fancy doing a Mudcat online Panto? You could use Traditional characters or create your own new ones. Where else will you be offered this opportunity for rubbishy jokes, wordplay, puns and mild innuendo (jokes the children don't understand and your granny does, but wouldn't admit to!). OKAY this IS Mudcat, so that is what you do anyway, but how about putting it into a pantomime for a lark!!! I realise that Panto is a mystery to Americans Blicky to old thread! OH NO IT ISN'T Oh yes - it is!!! - But you can still join in with BOO-ing the villain and Cheering the hero - whoever they might prove to be. I'll look back in a few hours and see if ther is any interest, then maybe we can get a storyline started Quack Geoff the Pantomime Duck!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:23 AM I have never quite felt so much like an outsider, looking in, as I do just now. I cannot understand how something can be labeled, panto (as short for pantomime) and yet contain dialog. But, setting aside what seems to this writer as a misnomer, it sounds fun. I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to see whatever more experienced minds may concoct. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:42 AM Standing beside Allan, we both look forward to this unfolding strangeness with anticipation. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:44 AM Dick Whittington and his amazing Mudcat OR Gargoyle and the seven trolls? RtS (look out, 'Spaw he's behind you!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Pseudolus Date: 14 Dec 01 - 08:55 AM Who's behind Spaw?!?!?!?!?!?!? Are they there on purpose?!?!?!? Do they know that standing there is kinda like teasing a skunk??????? Get away!!!!! For your own good, just go!!!!!!
*BG*
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:04 AM Are they there on a porpoise? Are we going NAUTICAL??? Ooh-er! Hello Sailor and all that!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:12 AM OK Skiff "Dick Whittington and his amazing Mudcat" it is. Act One - Scene One. Dick Whittington, barefoot and wearing ragged shorts is sitting on an old wooded crate beside the Mississippi with a fishing pole. "I've got a WHOPPER" he cries as a fish takes the bent that he is using for a hook. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:19 AM His best friend Huck Finn (Enters stage right) "'Gaw Blimey mate! Wotcha got there" Dick: "'Sa bloody catfish aint it. One a them there Mudcats - 'ere, gimme that ol' bucket This wuns a keepa" Let's get them off the beach into the kitchen (Bert) Dick: "'ere I'm gettin' thirsty, let's go dahn The Green Beetle and get us a nice cuppa Rosie" (Exeunt R). Act One. Scene Two. Inside The Green Beetle - Memphis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:35 AM Enter Dame Catspaw (U-no-hu in drag)."Hello boys and girls, same jokes, different frocks!.My that's a big fish you've got there..."(10 minute slapstick act in kitchen with slippery fish, flour eggs, general mayhem...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:42 AM Dick: "Yers 'e is a big un ain't 'e, Jus' put 'im back in the buckit We ain't eatin' THIS wun. I'm gonna keep 'im as a pet." Enter McGrath of Harlow: "A fish that's a cat! What an ELEGANT pet" and they all join in singing The Blue Clicky Thing. http://www.macgrath.freeserve.co.uk/Songlists/blue%20clicky.htm#The%20Blue%20Clicky%20Thing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Jeri Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:49 AM Sally Brown's Daughter walked up to the two boys. (Nobody actually knew her name, but everybody loved her.) Her gingham dress flounced, and her pigtails (wish stuck out from her head somewhat) bounced. If it weren't for the beard and the tufts of fuzz poking out of the fishnet stockings, she'd look the picture of innocence. "Ooh, what a lovely fish!" she said, as she perched upon a nearby rock." "I've never seen a fish that big and lively before. May I fondle it?" (The boys elbowed each other and sputtered a bit.) "There won't be no fish-fondlin' 'ere, Miss SBD!," exclaimed Huck. "They might let you do that on the dockside, but bad things can 'appen to fish wot gets fondled!" Meanwhile, the blue and green catfish looks about him and realises he's not where he should be. Unheard, he mutters "Bucket!!! How do I get out of this one? Hmmm...how does that go? 'If wishes were...nah...if fishes gave...er...OH YEAH - Fishes Who Grant Wishes Don't Wind Up On Dishes" He clears his throat...
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:49 AM (I don't know that one bert, how does it go!). "Now boys and girls" (said Dame Catspaw) If anyone comes near this Possum ocarina you will shout out won't you?" Enter Gargoyle in puff of green smoke "Ha ha ha" (boos from audience) "What is this: a non-music thread?" Goes towards Possum. "Dame Catspaw" shrieks the audience, (not a dry seat in the house) Dame comes back with Cat and chases gargoyle away, to cheers from the audience. RtS (Stoll Moss eat your heart out!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 11:51 AM The Blue Clicky Thing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 14 Dec 01 - 03:27 PM Enter Widdicombe Fair and Cherry Blurr the sisty uglers. "Ooh er wots going on 'ere chuck", said Cherry through her letter-box lips. "Some one's not been sleeping in my bed", yodelled Widdicombe fair, swinging her pendulous dugs over the orchestra pit, and frightening the musos, who nearly choked on their bottles of Guinness. Over to you......Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Dec 01 - 04:42 PM Well, I seem to be enjoying myself so far! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Allan C. Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:15 PM Let's just nuke some popcorn and sit back to watch the show, 'Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 01 - 05:25 PM Enter cheerful looking bloke in a suit at least one size too small for him. He runs across the stage towards Dame Catspaw, skids past, does a double-take and bellows - "Hi Mum!" The Dame glances across and says "Oh Hello Zip Fastener. Have you managed to sell the cow yet?" She leans over in the general direction of the audience, or at least those in the left-hand side of the stalls, and loudly whispers "He's a bit simple, you know! - Just like his late lamented Dad! I wanted to call him Buttons, but his father (bless his soul) said we didn't want to be old-fashioned - we had to keep up with the times! Anyway, most people round here just call him Zip!" She turns to the cheerful chap who is looking decidedly bashful. "I set off to the market," he begins, but I was passing the door of a tavern and this man came out. He said his name was Max, and that I ought to get inside out of the rain. "Where's the cow?" said Dame Spaw. "I swapped her for these five magic maggots!" replies Zip.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Lanfranc Date: 14 Dec 01 - 06:54 PM Just at that moment, in came a strange character carrying a guitar case covered with stickers from long-defunct Folk Clubs. "Maggots!" he cried, "They are not maggots, they are gentles! Please let me hold your gentles, just for a moment!" Needless to say, this was misheard by the assembled company, who rose to their feet, clutched their crotches and proceeded to stone the uncomprehending ancient folkie. "I haven't been stoned like this since 1972," he cried. "Oh, yes you have", cried the mob "Oh, no I haven't", protested the ancient folkie,"Let me explain" "These magical gentles, as I call them, or maggots, as you would have it, were plucked by two crows from the rotting corpse of a knight who was slain in battle. They now have, incorporated into their DNA, the good and magical essence of the extinct noble knight. However, to realise their full potential, they must be fed to a magical catfish, which will then speak, offering to grant wishes." (All now sing "Gentle on my Mind", seguing into "Twa Corbies" and "When the Boat Comes In") "Hey, Huck, where's that fish you caught?" said SBD.....
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 14 Dec 01 - 07:03 PM Dame Spaw: You've sold the cow - Oh dreadful day. Now the rent we cannot pay. We'll be thrown out in the gutter Zip, you really are a nutter.
Zip:
(The Maggots sing - to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star):
(Enter large policeman) PC Plod Shambles:
Dame Spaw: |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 14 Dec 01 - 10:11 PM A tootling is heard off stage. Skiff, dressed as a court jester enter left tootling a tune on his kazoo. The tune could either be Oh Suzanna or The Rocky Road to Dublin. Exactly which is unclear. Spotting the fish in the bucket he exclaims "Oh goody, You make some Hush Puppies Dame Catspaw, and I'll cut some coleslaw." "Oh no you wont" yells Dick, "Oh yes I will" yells Skiff. This goes back and forth a few times echoed by the audience. "But I've been commanded by the Queen to fix her supper" says Skiff. He has barely finished his speech when Jeri enters left dressed as Queen Elizabeth, in a dowdy coat with a handbag and an amorphous blob of a hat on her head. "Hwaires maiy suppah" she exclaims in a hoity toity voice. Then she sees the fish and says "Oh maiy, THAT'S A BIG 'UN" lapsing into broad Cockney on the last four words. Dick rushes forward and pushes in front of her. "You're NOT going to eat my pet, you're NOT, NOT, NOT!" "I wouldn't dream of eating a pet" says The Queen. "We'll have toad in the hole for supper, I'll just get changed" She walks behind a screen and immediately appears from the other side dressed in the full garb of her illustrious predecessor, ruff, headgear, jewels, the lot. Thunderous applause from the audience. "Now" she continues "where are you going to put such a big one?" "I'm keeping him in my Greenhaus" says Dick. Gargoyle comes on stage in front of the curtains and prompts the audience into giving a loud groan. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bill D Date: 14 Dec 01 - 10:54 PM *late arrival, Bill D...stands, mouth agape, with 'spaw & Allan C..wondering what is happening ...suspecting this game was invented by the same jolly pranksters that gave us Cricket* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:25 AM Yup! Those same jolly pranksters that gave you Cricket, Netball, Rounders, Football, Hockey and lots of other fun pastimes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:35 AM Not to mention the long lost "Gobs"........... Here Bill, Allan just popped up another bag....Sit back and enjoy. I seem to still be having a pretty good time in this........."HEY ALLAN...Nuke up a couple more bags huh?"..........Bring anything to drink Bill? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 01:59 AM You guys are supposed to be participating. You should have the hang of it by now. Lots of corny jokes and innuendoes, plenty of audience interaction. The principal boy is always a good looking young girl and there is always a Dame who is an older guy. There's a villain. There are plenty of topical 'in' jokes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 02:04 AM Bert enters right (in blackface) "Aha" says Gargoyle "It's Big Bert Boozy! why don't you throw that guitar away and go back to your gobs, You'll never be able to sing the blues no matter how black you paint your face" "But I don't sing blues" says Bert "I sing booze" and leads the cast and audience in a raucus slightly off key rendition of Beer, Glorious Beer. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 15 Dec 01 - 04:38 AM Enter:- Little Twinkle Star, dressed in a short bum freezer jacket "Who's licked all the cream off my walnut whip she squeaked?"... Brandishing her kazoo menacingly, and slapping her thighs suggestively. "We don't know LTS", (for that is what she was called in Pantoland), said the assembled company. "Perhaps it was whipped off in the exploding 12 string incident, in the last century." said Dame Spaw.............. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 09:01 AM "Ah yes" says LTS, "Poor Pedro, I remember him well" and puts on a boater and proceeds to sing "I remember it well" When she gets to the female parts (Of the SONG, of the SONG!!!) she changes hats. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:09 AM Hey Spaw and Allan - Are you the two guys in the opera box who sound just like Statler and Waldorffff from the Muppet Show? If you follow their example with heckling the performers you might learn to be a good Panto audience yet!!! Quack!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Jeri Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:38 AM WAllendorffff turns to Spawtler, and asks "Are you following the plot at all?" Spawtler replies "PLOT?! The nearest thing to a plot is down the road, with a chunk of marble in it. What happened to the fish, anyway?" He lines up a row of popcorn on the balcony wall, takes aim, and flicks them at Bert... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:48 AM Act One - Scene Three. Inside Dick's Greenhaus. A large Oxford hip bath is in the center of the stage. The fish (Who's name is Muddy) pokes his head out and addresses the audience. "I know it's not the Mississippi but it's a darned sight bigger than that bloody bucket, now I can stretch my tail out a bit" And picking on some guy in the audience says "Do YOU like to stretch your tail out Mister?" While he is talking, Gargoyle sneaks menacingly up behind him carrying an extremely large skillet and a cleaver. Audience shouts "Look out behind you" but Muddy keeps on talking.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 Dec 01 - 02:15 PM (At some point the singing panntomime horse is going to have to make an appearance. Maybe singing that great tearjerker "What oh what is f**k?") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Banjo-Flower Date: 15 Dec 01 - 04:43 PM (Enter stage left) a pantomime reineer led by Mrs Duck in a tutu carrying a tinselly wand pulling a sleigh (the reindeer not Mrs Duck) in the sleigh is a man with a bushy beard playing a tenor banjo (the man not the beard) "i wonder who it could be boys and girls" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 15 Dec 01 - 06:17 PM "Here come I, old Father Christmas, forget the bloody plot I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot. This reindeer in a tutu and the lovely Mrs Duck Are warnings of a coming rhyme - and you are out of luck. I'll tell my dreadful story, if you'll only gather roundP> The flying squad they stopped me, and my presents did impound.
After all, there are impressionable elders here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 01 - 06:26 PM Yer all bloody mad! *GRINS* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 15 Dec 01 - 10:47 PM I'm starting to get the picture- and I want to see a real one! I may have to shift my plans for next summer to next December! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: WyoWoman Date: 16 Dec 01 - 12:50 AM Is this a response to the nearly nude calendar? I didn't think it was THAT bad, I mean, sure, some of us are a bit spread out in the middle and might be considered over the hill but ... What? Oh. I thought it said "Mudcat PANTY ..." and was someone's attempt to get us to put our gear back on ...
nivver mindww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Dec 01 - 05:07 AM Nope WW, never yet got so old as to consider persuading women BACK into their duds. However you've aroused my interest (yes interest!!), and I must try to obtain this here Mudflap calendar.*BEG*(Big evil grin) Failte.....Jock |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Dec 01 - 09:37 AM (brief aside to Giok) Tell ya' what Jock, about 20 years ago, a few of us paid a nude table dancer at a titty bar on Rt. 41 in Orlando to keep her clothes ON! Wasn't something anyone wanted to see a second time I tell ya!! Now back to the weirdness......Allan, you got a flashlight we can shine down there sometimes and get the light in their eyes? You shine the light at one and I'll nail them with some popcorn. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Paul from Hull Date: 16 Dec 01 - 09:53 AM Dont do it, Catspaw! This is English/British PANTO...They'll pelt stuff BACK at you, believe me! ......& the Usherettes will come & poke you with a long pole, from the aisles..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Mr Red Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:15 AM I thought I had put all this behind me Oh yes I did! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Mr Red Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:16 AM ANDDDDDDd you won't find me in fancy dress....... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:26 AM Mr. Plod the policeman comes on stage and leads Santa off in handcuffs. Audience boos and hisses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bill D Date: 16 Dec 01 - 12:36 PM *pops back in after a days respite and finds he STILL is unable to wrap his mind around the rules*... not even fresh popcorn will help if they are gonna be throwing it back at me!.... (can't sing the blues or write songs either) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Dec 01 - 01:24 PM "That's what we want in this dis-united kingdom, a proper police state", said Widdicombe fair, climbing off her weighbridge. "I'll defend him no matter what he's done", said Cherry, "After all nobody who wears red can be guilty.It's all down to Metal Maggie she was the one who tried to cancel Christmas. My father was a famous Scouser y'know!" "Bah humbug" said Widdicombe,"Where's that LTS I'll show her what real tory thigh slapping's all about".... Squints backwards, looks over her shoulder and says.... "Does my bum look big in this?".."Bloody enormous said Cherry".."No it doesn't" said Widdicombe!".. "Oh yes it does"...Roar the audience in unison. Don't know why they were all in the same trade union, must be a charabanc in......... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 Dec 01 - 10:08 PM Note for confused Americans: the basic panto formula is to use one of a small number of stories, with a predetermined set of characters, as a framework within which topical jokes and slapstick are fitted fit in. And characters from other genres which are topical can make an appearance. I imagine Harry Potter and Gandalf will turn up in a few pantos this Christmas.
Cinderella; Mother Goose/Jack in the Beanstalk; Dick Whittington; Robin Hood (Babes in the Wood); Robinson Crusoe (rare); Aladdin; Beauty and the Beast; Sleeping Beauty; Puss in Boots. There are probably a few more.
This thread hasn't ever settled on which panto we are doing, which has rather piled on the confusion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Bert Date: 17 Dec 01 - 12:05 AM It's Dick (Greenhaus) Whittington and his Mudcat. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 04:16 AM Now the current children's tv puppet favourite has put in an appearance and the weatherperson/traffic reporter from an obcure local station has led the audience in singing the same song they do every year (well those stage cloth songsheets don't come cheap), it is time for the under-rehearsed tinies from the local amateur stage school to do their underwater ballet (at least with a Mudcat in the plot is fits in better than in last year's Cinderella). What the audience don't see is that while this is going on the broker's men (Swan, Fielding and Lane) and trying to hide the Skiff's kazoo to try to keep the audience in the theatre until the walkdown. This Keystone Cops-like dashing hither and thither offstage is funnier than anything in the show and the producer is making notes, thinking he may be able to incorporate it into next year's show: "Layabouts in the Pinewoods".... RtS "Anyone here from Stonall? Never mind...") |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 17 Dec 01 - 07:58 AM Enter Zip Fastener at a dash, he looks around the stage and shouts Oh! Hi there Kids. I'm hiding from Dame Catspaw - she is still angry about the Maggots. In fact, she was so angry that she went out and kicked that folksinger in the Gentles!!!!! Anyway, now that you are here, we might as well have some fun. Does anyone like sweets? All the front row of the stalls bellow YES!!!!! Zip looks around again and says I'll see what I can find!. He delves around behind a cardboard bush and pulls out two large bags. Who likes sweets?. A big cheer goes up about the auditorium. Is there anybody out there? - I can't hear you! An even bigger cheer goes up!!!! Zip delves into the first bag and casts a handful of boiled sweets into the fist two rows of the audience. He delves again and aims some towards the balcony. Kids and adults try to grab them before they land!
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:09 AM ...and as usual Herself embarasses everyone nearby by knocking small children out of the way as she fights for the chocolates, swearing that Zip favours the rich kids in the boxes. Himself cringes pretending She's not with him. RtS(one reason I'm not joining Her & work colleagues at Woking this year -Vanessa Feltz and Russ Kane (the Eye in the Sky!) two other reasons- but we'll be at Mercury Colchester over the New Year for a locally cast traditional panto instead!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Panto anyone??? From: Geoff the Duck Date: 17 Dec 01 - 08:14 AM Does anyone like crisps? shouts Zip. A resounding YES!!!! rattles the timbers of the theatre. Zip picks up the second bag and takes out a bag of crisps. He launches it at the middle of the audience, closely followed by more bags cast in different directions. We now approach the climax of the scene.......... Zip shouts out DO YOU LIKE CUSTARD????? Another cheer goes up! Suddenly Zip reaches behind the cardboard bush and reveals a large bucket. He swings it back and forth teasingly. Who wants CUSTARD?. The audience show a slightly worried silence..... Who wants CUSTARD?.cries Zip even louder! He looks about then spies the two befuddled American Gentlemen sat in the opera box. He goes to the opposite end of the stage, hefts the bucket a couple of times, swings it back and then takes a run across the stage towards the opera box. At the end of the run he swings the bucket and empties the contents on a trajectory towards the box. Multi coloured confetti showers out to a resounding cheer from the assembled throng! At the other side of the stage, the comic policemen, George and Dubbya walk on swinging their truncheons. Zip makes a swift exit into the wings, and the curtain falls!
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