Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush

Subject: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 02:01 PM

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush. The quotes have been arranged only for aesthetic purposes, by
Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.

This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?

How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: R!
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 02:34 PM

If we make the pie higher, will it become pie in the sky? Is Dubya urging us to have food fights with family members? Isn't vulcanization part of the process in making rubber? Why can't we have an eloquent - or at least understandable - leader? Thanks Amos.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 02:45 PM

He is only a Resident and a shrub at that. I cannot even fathom his playing the role which has been cast. This is the first time in my life I have felt so disassociated with politics and our government. It is so surreal, it is as if we are in another dimension and I hope to come to in 3.5 years and find we have gone back to reality. I still find myself numb and shaking my head; talk about teh dumbing down of America!

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 03:30 PM

You're jes not properly vulcanized, Kat!! Ya gotta get withal the Program so you're more involuted in things.

A

To vulcanize is an early 20th century term for covering with rubber, patching or melting on a patch onto a tire, and also a step in making rubber tires.

Mister Shrub was looking for a word which sounds similar, with the meaning of stimulate, exsuscitate, inspirit; spirit up, stir up, work up, infuse life into, give new life to, bring new blood, introduce new blood; quicken, sharpen, whet, work upon, incite, motivate, hurry on, give a fillip, fan the fire, fan the flame, blow the coals, stir the embers, fan into a flame, foster, heat, warm, foment, raise to a fever heat, keep up, keep the pot boiling. revive, rekindle and the like, but I can't remember it at the moment! :>)

Something to do with electric frog's legs wasn't it? Vilify, voltify...GALVANIZE!!! He meant we should get off our butts.

A

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 03:31 PM

Either that or he meant that he was the leading agemt for an invasion by Vulcans.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 03:34 PM

Thanks, Amos, does Spock know about this?

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Dharmabum
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 03:57 PM

I don't not see the hilariousity in this subject****BG****

DB.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: thosp
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 04:25 PM

if oil is used in the process of vulcanization -- then i'm sure he meant vulcanize! -- you just don't not misundersandinize him!

peace (Y) thosp

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: thosp
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM

of course if oil is used to galvanize people -- then i'm sure he meant that toopeace (Y) thosp

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 05:49 PM

And yet some others, of the non-liberal persuasion, find him truly inspiring...a leader of the highest calibre.

Strange how subjective is the human mind...

It sees what it wants to see.

- LH

p.s. Canada's glorious leader, Jean Chretien, has said and done much funnier things than Dubya...you 'Mer'cans have got some catching up to do. Of course, Dubya's got more firepower, no one can deny that, eh?

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 07:11 PM

Is English for J. Chretien, as it is for Dubya, his second language? D's first one, at his mother's knee, was fairly well articulated, I understand.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 07:42 PM

Oooooo...that's nasty, Ebbie! I think French is Jean's 3rd language, by the sounds of it. He sounds like a bad parody of a quebec lumberjack from a 50's radio comedy show. The quebecois find him even more embarassing than the rest of us do.

He's clearly a clever politician, though...in the strictly political sense. A survivor.

- LH

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Greg F.
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 09:49 PM

That should be carved on his tombstone:

I was a pitbull
On the pantleg of opportunity.

I love it!! Best, Greg

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 01:07 AM

LOL guys!! He's more fun to poke in the eye with a sharp stick than a barrel of monkeys!!

A

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 01:16 AM

Remember how I laugh?

I'm doing it.

~S~

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 01:18 AM

Yep!! I can plumb hear it from here!

You sound like you been vulcanized lately.

A

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Les from Hull
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 06:52 AM

We still use the word vulcanise over here in the UK. It means to stick a patch over something and hope to God it doesn't leak. Isn't that what politicians all over the world are doing?

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: SharonA
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 03:07 PM

Absurd Bush has been too long in the land already. Re-elect Gore in 2004!

SharonA

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 04:50 PM

I been vulcanized, vulgarized, plagiarized, and simonized.

Also, images are tumbling around the phrase "when the rubber met the road."

Oy, my head! *G*

~S~

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: pastorpest
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 09:53 PM

When an American friend e-mailed me the Bush poem "Make the Pie Higher" the following story was included. An old man, around 90 was at the doctor's office to have a laceration stiched up. As the doctor worked they discussed George W's ideas around health care. The old man said that George W was just a post turtle. "What's a post turtle?" asked the doctor.

The old man explained. When you drive down a country road and you see a turtle sitting on a fence post, that is a post turtle. You know he did not get there by himself. You know he does not belong there. He cannot do anything while he is there. And you just want to help the poor thing down.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 10:15 PM

And you know to get up there, something really bizarre musta happened!!! Thet's our Resident!!

A

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jul 01 - 10:44 PM

Popeye used to pronounce the word "president" as "presidink". Popeye had a lot of odd "pronunskiations", of course, but I always suspected that the writer of the Popeye comics was engaging in a little social satire, the way the writers of Rocky and Bullwinkle did at a later date...

I love that kind of thing. Walt Kelly was the master of them all when it came to that. Too bad Pogo isn't around now...think of what he would have done with the last American presidential election brouhaha!

"Bark us all bowwows of folly
Rinky Dinky Florida and Kalamazoo
Dubya's freezin' on the trolly
Swaller Dollar Cauliflower Alleygaroo!!!"

- LH

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 09:31 AM

"we have met the enemy an' he is them -- I mean him -- no, he is her! No, wait...."

Apocryphal, attributed to Shrub Resident, Washington, D.C.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 11:40 AM

I note that conservative Mudcatters are avoiding this thread the way a pedestrian avoids a pile of dogshit on the sidewalk... :-)

I can only admire their restraint!

- LH

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 02:38 PM

Amos, a friend of mine used a new word today that I think you will like:

Perkatory.

~S~

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Pseudolus
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 02:52 PM

Susan,
Perkatory, isn't that kinda like hell only it takes a lot longer to get a cup of coffee????

LH,
Guess I better go scrape off ma shoes!!!

Frank

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 03:21 PM

Perkatory is where you go to wait for additional benefits from your day job! In England they spell it "perquatory".

A

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 09:33 PM

No, Perkatory is where you are stuck forEVER (it seems) in limbo with someone who is way too perky.

Where surface cheerfulness masquerades as true joy.

~S~

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Genie
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 08:44 PM

Check out this thread for more Click here

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 09:16 PM

Well, at least Bush is unlikely ever to get plagiarised!!! *G*

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: DougR
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 12:01 AM

Why should we conservatives participate when you Liberals are having so much fun agreeing with each other, L.H.?

DougR

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 01:27 AM

Doug R,
Do I have to be a "liberal" to make fun of a "conservative?" During the 2000 campaign, I made up a button/bumper sticker saying,
"Al Gore Claps On One And Three."

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,just a nobody
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 08:01 AM

LH

Conservative does not mean they cannot find humor. Besides, I'm just glad we have a president whose major flaw is his way of speaking. If that is all he does wrong while in office, it will be a refreshing change. Keep your fingers crossed that speeches are all he screws up on while in office.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: guinnesschik
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 09:23 AM

Isn't it an intellegent decision to avoid a pile of dogshit on the sidewalk?

*G*

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Troll
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 10:18 AM

NO! It's:
Bark us all bow wows of folly
Polly wolly cracker an' toodle-loo
Chilly willies filly's lollygagin' on the waggin' willy folly-go-through...

troll

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: SharonA
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:51 PM

And a "Walla Walla Washington and Kalamazoo" to you too!

Today I heard a sound bite of Bush pronouncing the name of the country "Afphffphghanistan".

I'm certain that there have been other Presidents who were not great public speakers... and I could find his "flaw" easier to take if only I didn't abhor his policies. What scares me is that about half the voters in the country LIKE what he has to say...

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 06:09 PM

Actually, Vulcan was a Roman god based on the Greek Hephaestus who finding his wife in the arms of a lover fashioned a web around the two and put them on display for the other gods' amusement. Sounds more like Clinton than Bush. But which Clinton?

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: DougR
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 06:25 PM

Nope, you don't, Sonja. :>)

Do you miss Pogo too, SharonA?

DougR

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 08:52 PM

The only reason to miss Pogo -- well, the best one -- is the fear of forgetting the greatest Pogo image of all time -- Albert wrassling himself into knots and finally biting his own tail, while Pogo shakes his head sadly and intones, "We have met the enemy an' he is US!!"

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Troll
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 10:10 PM

I miss Reagan. Hell, I even miss Ike. And if things get much worse, I may even miss FDR.

But I REALLY miss Pogo.

*sigh*

troll

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: DougR
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 12:20 AM

And Bloom County!

DougR

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Ozzie
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 09:59 AM

I have another creative idea. One could create a comedy series by combining re-enactments of great moments in the Democratic party. In skit number one, Bill Clinton clumsily tries to both vote and have sex with a girl half his age at the same time. While in the throes of passion, he accidentally punches the wrong portion of the ballot. He discovers the next day that he has lost the election by one vote. He seeks an outlet for his frustration by sexually harassing one his female staff members. The end.

Stay tuned for skit two. Its entitled: Clinton tries to direct an attack on terrorists while getting serviced by Monica Lewinski. He accidentally levels an aspirin factory and enrages the entire Moslem world.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: DougR
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 02:39 PM

Don't look for high ratings for your scenarios on the Mudcat, Ozzie. :>)

DougR

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Ozzie
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM

I don't doubt it. A master zing like that has got to be a bitter pill for the people who can dish it out but can't take it.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: SharonA
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 03:46 PM

Yes, DougR, I do miss Pogo. Although Walt Kelly's "We has met the enemy and he is us" is indeed a classic line of epic proportions, my favorite "bit" was the (almost) monthly commemoration of Friday the Thirteenth (the day, not the movie!):

"Friday the Thirteenth comes on a [Monday, Tuesday, etc.] this month"

...and, of course, all the animals would hide in fear and refuse to come out of their homes when Friday the Thirteenth came on a Friday!

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Ozzie
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 04:30 PM

Skit three: Al Gore loses his second bid at the presidency following Bush's first term. This is largely due to a lack of campaign funds because of Al's unsuccessful lawsuit to claim royalties for the internet that everyone knows he invented. Al also complains about voting irregularities due to the introduction of new ballotting machines. Al claims that they are more complicated than the original model that he claims to have invented as well.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 08:30 PM

Ozzie:

Be fair. Al Gore never said he invented the Internet. And the problem with the voting machines was not that they were new, but that they were old. And the issue of complexity was a problem with the ballot design, not the machines. And these are not "master zings" by a long measure and about as hard to swallow as sawdust. And for the same reasons.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: GUEST,Ozzie
Date: 05 Oct 01 - 09:08 PM

Sorry Amos, but Al's tendency to stretch the truth is well documented. The fact that you did not even understand the line about the voting machines (as well as your sawdust metaphor) indicate that you are too obtuse to realize when you are getting zinged. Let me take a lucky guess and say that you voted in Florida. What is so sad is that the poem (or whatever) to mock Bush is actually childish and insignificant in the greater scheme of things, whereas the events that my skits are based upon are far more revealing. But look on the bright side, people like you have 3.5 years to learn how to operate a simple ballot machine.

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: Genie
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 01:21 AM

Right, Ozzie,
Gore never used the word "invent". Especially in government, one can "create" something (e.g., a cabinet post, a committee, an agency, etc.) in a sense that has nothing to do with "inventing." All he said (which may or may not be entirely true) is that he "took the iniative in creating" the internet. That could mean he was one of the first to propose government funding for research into it, or something like that.

It was largely the so-called "liberal press/media" that distorted his words and perpetuated the myth about his having "claimed to have invented the internet." Even folks like Sam Donaldson, George Stefanopolous, and the commentators on CNN kept joking about and referring to that.

I must admit that so far I am pleasantly surprised by G W B's handling of the terrorist situation (he's keeping the right wing pit bulls on a leash for the moment), and for the sake of the country, I hope he continues to grow into the job. But I still think the media have been easier on him than they were on Gore, both before the election and, especially, after it.

Genie

Subject: RE: Absurd in the Land, Too Long in the Bush
From: DougR
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 01:46 AM

Well, Genie, I guess both sides always feel the press is biased abainst the "other side." You have a right to feel the press was easy on GWB, but I, being on the "other side" cannot fanthom what evidence exists to prove that it's so.

Ozzie: Slow down, a bit friend. Amos hasn't been insulting to you or anything. You may not agree with him but we're only writing opinions here, you know.