BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...

Subject: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:15 PM

I was shocke d... shocked, I tell you ... to learn the true feelings of Starbuck baristas as they vend their charms and wares to the many many yuppies who line up at their counters.

Here's the confession:

"Starbucks baristas are not your friends
Posted Mar 28th 2007 2:30PM by Bob Sassone


That's the claim by an anonymous Starbucks barista in a rant posted over at Jim Romenesko's Starbuck's Gossip Blog. It was originally posted on the Chicago Craigslist, but was removed.

While the barista really isn't saying anything new here, it's actually a good one-stop summary for everyone who doesn't like the coffee shop chain, and a funny, revealing rant for people who do like the chain. A few tidbits from the article after the jump!

'1. We are not your friends. We are usually not your neighbors. In most cases, we absolutely loathe you, but we are outwardly friendly -- because we are paid to do so. You are not getting special treatment, and we really don't give a shit about your last vacation or your new baby or your real estate problems. We ask how you're doing because it's a way of making conversation, and we are pressured to make conversation in this line of work. Now, there are some customers who are genuinely liked, but they're few and far between. If you have to think about it, you're probably not one of them.'

Now, this could probably be said about any retail/customer service job, though I do like the lines "we are usually not your neighbors" and "if you have to think about it, you're probably not one of them," referring to customers the baristas actually like.

'6. We are trained to call out drink orders in a particular way. This helps to ensure that we get all of your stupid, nitpicky details correct. DO NOT
• Correct me (see above)
• Tell me as snottily as possible that you "don't speak Starbucks." That is quite possibly one of the dumbest statements I've ever heard.
• Keep asking me, "Is it decaf? Did you get that? I ordered decaf. Are you sure it's decaf?" F+CK YOU. Yes, I got it.
• Tell me how to make a drink. I know what goes into a mocha. You probably couldn't make one if someone had a gun to your head.'

As someone who worked in restaurants for a decade or more, I laughed out loud at this part.

'15. Have a nice f+cking day, you bastards!'

I think Starbucks should sell T-shirts with that slogan."

---

So I want to know how badly fooled I have been. What are the secret viewpoints of YOUR profession, the things you would be fired for telling your customers?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:31 PM

I have sworn, upon the Library of Congress Classification Tables and the first edition of the Sainted Melville Dewey's Classification scheme, never ever to divulge what we really thing about those who use the public library. Should I divulge the Secrets And Mysteries I would be made to use the public restrooms and would never be allowed to utter the Sacred Name of Charles Aimee Cutter again.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:34 PM

Funny...that's what the barista said before they turned the thumbscrews...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Wesley S
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:34 PM

I really hate it when a customer calls me first and then decides to:

Start doing the math to figure out how much he needs to order.
Starts looking for the drawing he needs that describes the material.
Give me a PO and then decides he needs to find his PO book.

Just be prepared BEFORE you pick up the phone.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Charmion
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 04:50 PM

The editors' secret is that, if our clients were as smart as we are, they wouldn't need us. When we're rewriting the minister's newsletter (a monthly dose of Purgatory), this fact keeps us from cutting our throats.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 06:19 PM

I sometimes wonder about the people who start up companies... many of them are too stupid to fill in the first form!

Q. What is the nature of your business
A. It's a company.

Q. What date will your accounts be prepared to?
A. Next year.

Makes you want to tell them to put all their paperwork in a big envelope and send it to us marked 'too stupid to own a company'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 06:39 PM

Really, LTS ... I wonder what some of those people who start up companies think about the intelligence of bureaucrats who pester them with all kinds of forms to fill out ...

I know an illiterate man who formed a company that provided employment to a crew of men for several years, in a community in which employment was badly needed. This entrepreneur was eventually hauled into court and fined because of his problems completing paperwork for the government. This experience persuaded him that he was indeed too "too stupid to own a company", so he dissolved his and went to work for someone else. So you can gain some satisfaction from knowing that some people come to realize they are too stupid to be autonomous and self-reliant and responsible, and learn to submit themselves to someone else's authority, and become good little workers ... kind of like government bureaucrats ...

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 06:54 PM

Which is why we have Enquiry Centres where people can go and get the help they need to sort out forms.

Being illiterate and being stupid is not synonymous. I know plenty of highly literate people who are dumber than a bag of slugs.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 06:59 PM

I can share this:

LIBRARY DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
Whenever possible, without surrender,
ask patrons to keep the noise down.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
sometimes they're good for a laugh later.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit,
and may be in a position to have your budget cut.

If you compare yourself with patrons,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater
and lesser persons than yourself;
even though some real doozies will come through the door.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own library, however humble,
jobs are scarce, and its paying the rent.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not bind to the same booksellers;
many persons strive for high turnover,
and everywhere life is full of bargains.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign knowledge.
Neither be cynical about research;
for in the face of all innovation and progress,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of your support group,
but don't let anyone else pull your strings.

Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in tricky cataloguing.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many phobias start with library glue and spine labels.

Beyond a wholesome diet,
treat yourself to chocolate occasionally.

You are a graduate of library school,
though less appreciated than you deserve;
you are paid to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt AACR2 is comprehensible to some.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of the library,
have peace in your meal breaks.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken books,
it is still a beautiful library.
Be cheerful.
One day you might inherit a lot of money.

               -- The Warrior Librarian

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Bert
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 07:08 PM

When I was in customer service in the software industry I liked almost all of my customers. There were only three or four bad ones in about twelve years.

The people I really hated were the salesmen who told them that the software would do stuff that it wouldn't. They would even sell a product using programmed demonstrations to show the customer all sorts of wonderful things that the software just couldn't really do (unless they had a team of programmers with years of experience.)

I also hated the developers who were designing CAD software without having spent a day on the drawing board. They hadn't a clue about the needs of a skilled draftsman.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Joybell
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 07:42 PM

I really like that Rapaire. Thank you.
Cheers, Joy
Looking at seeking/composing a similar document for nurses.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: bobad
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 07:45 PM

Mine involved working with humans and/or their body parts - you don't really want to know.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:06 PM

So does mine, Bodad.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: bobad
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:23 PM

Yeah, but is it invasive, other than into the brain?

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Mar 07 - 09:28 PM

The one I hear most often at art fairs is "Where's your shop?" I don't have a "shop". If I had a "shop" I'd be at home tending it instead of standing here under this dinky little 10'x10' canopy on this sidewalk in Atlanta trying to talk you into buying a salad bowl!

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Mickey191
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 12:01 AM

One never really knows what attitude people have about their customers. This one surprised me.

Went into a bank to buy a CD. After checking which "desk person" was free-I started over. I then spied, in plain site, a small sign reading: "I don't need your bull-my cow just died." Needless to say, I left without a word. I figured the manager must know about the sign & that he's running a hell of a sloppy operation.

I did send an email to the corporate office.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 12:24 AM

The most outlandish customer I had was a young woman who seemed to present herself as the leader of the other 2 ladies with her.

Perhaps her intention was to prove something but it was clear she was in hopes of finding something incriminating, so she began to rifle through an office desk and then all the cupboards in the kitchen area. She grabbed the most incongruous item she could find and held the can of cat food above her head saying "Look at THIS!"

The wierdest lady I saw came into the waiting room, took out her breast, squeezed milk into the carpet and left.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:10 AM

I work in a call center...handling escalated issues...and explaining to customers for the umpteenth time why they were assessed this fee...or why the payments were applied this way....and basically trying to explain to lawyers doctors and accountants they are not as smart as they think they are....

Mickey, anyone who works for a bank or any other such institution has to deal with lies, stupidity and incompetence on a daily basis....that notice you found is very understandable.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...A
From: Mickey191
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 02:27 AM

Amergin,
I'm totally hip to the fact that dealing with the public is an onerous job. But don't you think that wee sign was a bit out of order?

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 04:28 AM

joke vs. representing the organisation?

same as sloppily dressed staff vs. neatly dressed staff, or inappropriately casual greetings vs. friendly greeting.

I think it's better to keep the jokes about the customers out of the public eye.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 09:15 AM

So, what hidden attitudes, nicknames, and carefully un-communicated truths exist in your profession?

We make electronic devices which are often used by operators with low levels of education. We have to keep them in mind in writing user information so as to keep the words simple enough. Internally, we refer to them as the Skoal and Mullet crowd. Skoal being a chewing tobacco and mullet being a crude sort of haircut.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 10:20 AM

I neither wear a mullet nor chew Skoal. But I do thank you for the simple words. Can you start writing just a little bit slower, though?

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 10:55 AM

I'm still wondering why Mickey191 went into a bank to buy a CD. I buy mine in music shops.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Willie-O
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 11:23 AM

That crossed my mind too, jennyO. Guess we O's are just too stupid to understand.

Prohibited statements to customers in my previous places of employ:

Canadian Tire: looking it up and telling the customer when the item they want is scheduled to go on sale.

Large ISP helpdesk: "the last agent you talked to got it all wrong..." over the two years I was there, this became more and more verboten, to the point where if a customer complained about someone they previously spoke to, ANY agreement or support of their criticism became a fireable offense. Made it hard to explain why I was telling them something entirely different than the fairytale the other guy had tried to sell them...

That's about it for my experience in large corporations. But it was enough that I experienced these two irroncilable facts: people lie and try to scam frequently, and although I don't identify or sympathize with large capitalist corporations, that does not require me to identify and sympathise with someone who is trying to run a scam on the corporation through me. They're good for a laugh sometimes though.   


W-O

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:02 PM

I'm in marketing... bwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAha ha ha ha!

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Scoville
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:27 PM

Previous job:
People who didn't take care of their pets or had more than they could afford, who then came in with a crisis (pyometra, end-stage heartworm disease, pregnancy gone bad, raging untreated allergies or mange, whatever) and wanted us to treat it for pennies on the dollar. Animal hospitals want to help. We really do. But we're not charities [most of us] and it's a high-overhead business, and Lord knows vet techs are not overpaid.

Current job:
Researchers who ask for things we do not have (if it's not listed on the website, we don't have it), or ask for things we DO have but want us to do the research for them. Sorry, I bring you the boxes and books; you do the legwork. And, no, I cannot turn you loose in the archive warehouse to browse freely; we expect you to have planned what you need and we will go get it for you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 01:45 PM

Patrons and staff.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 02:53 PM

So, Rapaire, what are the things the staff know and say among themselves that they should never be heard saying in front of patrons?

Are there "dirty trade secrets" in librarianism?

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 03:13 PM

The staff might possibly maybe comment upon:

1. The little girl who pees on the chair and whose mother thinks it's funny.

2. The people who smell of stale booze, stale tobacco smoke, stale vomit, and other stale odors (often all at the same time).

3. Whoever left an unopened bottle of Bud Light and a mostly-full pack of Marlboro Lights in the book drop.

4. The guy who blew is nose on the floor (plug one nostril and blow).

5. The guy with sore-covered, bleeding hands who wanted to apply for a library card.

6. The idiots who leave sheath knives, throwing stars, spiked clubs, guns, and homemade "mini-grenades" in or around the library.

7. The man who used a used condom for a bookmark.

8. The lady who, upon seeing the Black History Month display, shouted "I feel like I'm in Africa!"

9. The man who walked into the Women's Toilet "because the men's was out of paper towels."

10. The 12 year old who fondled a 4 year old.

11. The 18 year old who tried to force, at knifepoint, an 8 year old to perform sexual acts. (The 18 year old is doing 5 to 7 in prison.)

12 The parents who use the Library as a day care center or a babysitting service.

13. The parents who dump their kids and haven't picked them up by 9 p.m., when we close.

14. Those who want more and more library services but don't want to pay the taxes that pay for it.

15. The convicted sex offender who answered the door wearing a washcloth when the Homebound Librarian came to visit.

You really want me to go on???

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 03:15 PM

Depends. Where was he wearing the washcloth? I would imagine over his face...


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 03:30 PM

I've been posting about our "secret" lives for years but no one paid the least attention. I STILL hear all the "best" preacher jokes, and I STILL get a lot of crap for any of the rest of what's been my life. OK, don't believe me-- just go ahead and call me a liar.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 03:51 PM

A gentleman never calls a lady a liar.

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amergin
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 03:58 PM

So you should not have problem with it, Rap... ;)

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 08:58 PM

I do my humble best....

Subject: RE: BS: The Secret Life of Your Profession...
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 07 - 10:24 PM

Who were you talking to, there, Wyz?

A