 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!!
|
|
|
Subject: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Sep 08 - 02:53 PM Finally! Ending weeks, if not months of suspense, Chongo Chimp has officially announced his running mate for the 2008 election. And it's.........(BIG drum roll)............ Rapaire!!!!!!!!!! (wild cheering, thunderous applause) Yes, our well known man for all seasons, Rapaire of Mudcat fame, a local hero in Pocatello, Idaho where he is popularly known as either "Wrap-around" or... "that F-in goof!"........Rapaire is the man of the hour! This stunning and dramatic move on Chongo's part should inject new life into the APP campaign. By selecting a human running mate to run on the American Primate Party ticket, Chongo will attract a great many more non-primate voters to his party for the first time, thus defusing the oft-repeated claim by both Democrats and Republicans that the American Primate Party represents only "apes and monkeys...plus a few f**kin' lemurs and maybe some squirrels". Rapaire is neither an ape nor a monkey. He is not a squirrel or a lemur. He is human. Furthermore, he LOVES guns even more than Sarah Palin does and he can shoot the eye out of a moose at 300 yards. He can field dress a dead moose in 3 minutes flat without even breaking into a sweat. He has better military credibility than John McCain when it comes to both dealing out death and destruction with high-tech equipment AND resisting torture (Rapaire has survived prolonged exposure to rap music, Walmart shopping, bad beer, and reality TV without once revealing state secrets or caving in to the enemies of America). Rapaire is a man's man and a man for America. No doubt about it. This choice for VP also reveals Chongo's special (pronounced "speee-shul") broadmindedness and his willingness to mend fences with former opponents, given the fact that he and Rapaire have had some fierce disagreements in the past couple of years. "Them little differences of opinion are behind us now," said Chongo. "We are swingin' in tandem on the same vine now and we are gonna swing right into the White House come January 2009." So there you have it. Rapaire and Chongo will make a wellnigh unstoppable team as far as this columnist is concerned. Get ready to see a REAL chimp in the White House in 2009, with a REAL man standing beside him! As a postscript to today's story, APP insiders say that a late night backroom deal that sealed Rapaire's agreement to run as Chongo's VP will put Bobert, also of Mudcat fame, in a key cabinet position in the Chongo-Rapaire government. Bobert is expected to assume one of three possible posts: - Secretary of Peace - Secretary of the Blues - Secretary of Cannabis |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: GUEST,lox Date: 14 Sep 08 - 05:33 PM I assumed peace already had a secretary ... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Sep 08 - 05:38 PM Not that Peace! Peace in the world. Boy, the press is in a frenzy over this. I bet the Democrats and Republicans are feeling just sick about Chongo and Rapaire stealing the limelight. Some great shots are going around the internet already of Chongo and Rapaire standing side by side and brandishing heavy duty firepower. Eat that, Sarah Palin! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: JennieG Date: 14 Sep 08 - 09:35 PM Geez....what a pair! it's almost enough (almost but not...quite....) enough to make me want to vote in the US election. Even though I am an Ozzie. And which one of these gentlemen is going after the female vote? Cheers JennieG |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Amos Date: 14 Sep 08 - 10:14 PM Rapaire? Boy, he blew it. He should have chosen his sister, Chinga. She would have walked all over Sarah Palin with three hands. Talk about raw animal smarts, Sarah Palin got NUFFIN' on CHinga. Her canines would have been soaked in jugular blood in no time flat, and McCain would have flown the coop to preserve his precious, um, integrity. But no-o-o-o-o;. he had to go choose a guy who doesn't LOOK like a librarian but actually IS one, instead of a dame who isn't one but looks the part. Sheesh. Poor judgement call. Maybe he needs more experience. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Rapparee Date: 14 Sep 08 - 10:19 PM You talkin' about ME? You talkin' about ME? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Amos Date: 14 Sep 08 - 10:21 PM Couple of quick questions. WHich was is up? How good is Good? Will you be Loyal and True? OK, you'll do. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names his VP!!!!!!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Sep 08 - 10:25 PM Pay no attention to Amos. He is in the employ of the DNC and is spreading false propaganda and outright lies and innuendo as usual. Chongo HAS no sister named "Chinga". Got that? "Chinga" is a Spanish curse word, not the name of Chongo's sister. Jennie - Chongo is going after the female vote. If you ever got to meet him in person, you would understand why, I assure you. Chongo appreciates women and women appreciate Chongo. Note that the chief of his campaign staff is an attractive and highly capable brunette human paralegal from Chicago named Renata Carson, and she makes Sarah Palin look like a small town librarian with a dominatrix complex. Renata's got style. So does Chongo. He is the Humphrey Bogart of American chimps. As for Rapaire, he makes that guy Richard Boone who played Paladin look like a wimp. These guys take no prisoners. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Sep 08 - 11:50 PM Put some lipstick on Rapaire, and he'll be tougher than any old hockey mom... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 14 Sep 08 - 11:55 PM Put some hockey mom on...never mind. Forget I said that. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 14 Sep 08 - 11:56 PM So, Rapaire, how does it feel to be heading for the number 2 spot in the land? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Ebbie Date: 15 Sep 08 - 12:17 AM I think I'll probably vote for this team. Rapaire lives his whole life among books so he must be smart. (Of course he has never been seen with an opened one but then neither has Chongo. They are compatible and that is worth a whole lot.) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 12:19 AM Its...its just...just SWELL! Chongo has promised me that I'll be a vital and very important cog in his administration, that I'll being doing a lot more than just fetching bananas and whiskey like Dick Cheney. He said that he wants a man who will disagree with him, who will argue with him and who, if need be, isn't afraid to literally shoot it out (on an Approved Shooting Range, of course). He said that I would also be inspecting military and intelligence facilities, especially Area 51 and certain CIA sites located at currently undisclosed locations where the CIA prepares the tools necessary to fulfill its mission. Chongo wants us to be fully prepared for any eventuality, including the Working with your fellow primates is an awesome experience. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 12:42 AM Yup, that sounds like just the sort of thing I would have expected Chongo to say. You guys make the perfect team. Sort of like Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky... Man, this is gonna be one hell of an exciting campaign and an even more exciting presidency. That's my prediction. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: JennieG Date: 15 Sep 08 - 12:44 AM Photos! we want photos!!!! Cheers JennieG |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Melissa Date: 15 Sep 08 - 02:07 AM |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: John MacKenzie Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:45 AM Gee, C and Rap, what a combination. XG |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 08:41 AM Chongo will be releasing his health and tax records very soon. I've seen them and there is nothing in them to cause anyone any qualms. Right now his health is excellent and he's paid taxes on every dime he's ever earned. He has only one home, a squalid little place on Chicago's East Side, much like the one most of us live in. Dude's clean, man! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Amos Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:11 AM CHinga is gonna be so pissed at you, Little Hawk, that it would be wise for you to be on extwended LOA when she reads your post. She'll be more dangerous than HIllary with a pocket razor, or Sarah Palin with an assault rifle. The idea of trying to block her out of the picture by asserting she doesn't exist!! Really, man, you should have consulted. I coulda tole you it would be a bad idea. Now, you've done it, and the fur is likely to fly. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:44 AM We do not fear, for Chongo and I have faith in the Lord and the American People. Chongo can be found in The Church nearly every day and I'm a disabled veteran. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Alice Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:50 AM um... Rapaire, I'm sure you have been to Moscow, right? (Moscow, Idaho I mean). |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:55 AM Actually no. I drove around it a few weeks ago, but I can't say I've ever been there. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: GUEST,beardedbruce Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:58 AM sorry... Are you sure you want Rapaire as VP? He does have rather extreme views on some things... "From: Rapaire Date: 15 Sep 08 - 10:48 AM Why would I want to eat myself when others are so darned tasty? A little pork rub, slow cooking while wrapped in banana leaves...finest kind of eatin'. Learned that recipe from some fellas in New Guinea. " But it does show his international experience. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 11:08 AM I'm frugal. Is that a political sin? To want to cut out waste? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 12:58 PM Today Chongo is introducing Rapaire to the rest of the campaign staff, ably led by the lovely Renata Carson, a young paralegal from Chicago who was in the news quite a bit a few weeks ago when some smear artists in the employ of Chongo's opponents attempted unsuccessfully to raise a scandal around what they termed "Renata-Gate". Those allegations failed to stick. Meanwhile, speculation is rife as to what post Bobert will get in Chongo's cabinet. Amos - Look, man, if these "Chinga" delusions of yours persist then I can suggest only one thing. Stop kayaking! I think you are getting sea water in your inner ears and it's unhinging your mental faculties. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Ernest Date: 15 Sep 08 - 02:24 PM He should have chosen Clint Eastwood. As I recall he was mayor of a small town and also has work experinece with an orang utan... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 02:28 PM Well, Clint is a good friend of Chongo's, but he's also a staunch Republican. So I don't think it was workable. But you're right, it would have been a good choice if it could have been arranged that way. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: MMario Date: 15 Sep 08 - 02:35 PM Campaign headquarters at teh Legion Hovek, yes? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 02:39 PM Chongo has a number of campaign offices along the route. I assume that the Idaho Legion will be a key meeting spot now for the APP. That should be interesting... ;-) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Bobert Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:26 PM Well, LH... If I have my druthers I'd like to be "head" up the new Department of Cannibus... (((cough))) B:-) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:28 PM Bobert, one thing you have to promise: no smoke and mirrors, okay? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:30 PM It's done, Bobert. I can't see how it will help Chongo win the election....but what the heck, it's done. That's "Cannabis", by the way. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Amos Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:41 PM Man, Little Hawk, I am SO telling CHinga how you are treating her in your obsessive campaign to make your imaginary playmate seem more palatable as a candidate. You are going to wake up one of these mornings and find the decapitated head of a gorilla bleeding at the foot of your bed. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: MMario Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:48 PM Rapaire is LH's imaginary playmate? I could have sworn he was real..I've recieved mail from him and everything. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:52 PM The levels to which you will stoop in your frenzied campaign to promote Barack Obama at the expense of all other candidates never cease to amaze me, Amos. Just admit it. You despise apes and monkeys. Your only desire is to see them incarcerated in zoos, made to demean themselves in embarrassing movies and advertising, and, worst of all, linked with George Bush on internet photo pages!!! Your behaviour is despicable, sir, and I am sure you will live to regret it fullsomely. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Donuel Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:57 PM Chongo I am so disappointed that I got passed over since I have more monetary experience than Rapaire that I am not voting for Chongo. Rapaire may have more military experience but you needed economic help. I will be withdrawing funds from your account shortly. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Amos Date: 15 Sep 08 - 03:57 PM CHinga says she'd be happy to pose for photos with George Bush, and you should stop deciding her positions for her. She is also willing to pose for photos with John McCain. However, as you may recall, Chinga is a little kinky about the kinds of photos she is willing to have taken, and it is doubtful such upstanding scurillous suits would be willing to run the risk of showing up for such photo sessions. She won't pose with Obama, though. Says she respects hiom too much. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: MMario Date: 15 Sep 08 - 04:05 PM The "denying the relative exists" bit just isn't going to work, Chongo. It didn't work for Jimmy C regarding Billy; and it's not going to work for you with Chinga. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 04:26 PM Okay, you asked for it. Here's who "Chinga" really is. She's no sister of Chongo Chimp. She's not a chimp at all. She's a cheap little Mexican-American skank from L.A. who works in the porno industry and who does streetwalking and exotic dancing on the side. Amos met her on one of his nocturnal..."jaunts". They got to talking about some stuff and he asked her if she would be willing to do a little "political" work for the Democratic Party, but very hush-hush. She said she'd do any damn thing under the sun for the right amount of cash, even screw Henry Kissinger. So the deal was made. They got Chinga a cheap monkey suit and did some photography. They got real busy with photoshop and went looking around for photos of Chongo's family and pasted this girl in the monkey suit into a bunch of those photos. It's truly pathetic. You can see easily enough that the supposed "Chinga" in the photos is not a real chimp at all! The eyes are a dead giveaway. Just look at the eyes. That is not a female chimp, it is a female human ho in a bad chimp suit. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 05:56 PM LH, I sometimes walk the streets. I also drive them. Steet walking is bad? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 05:59 PM Steet walking is perfectly all right. It's streetwalking that I was talking about. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Amos Date: 15 Sep 08 - 06:08 PM MWahahahahaha!! The Big Lie tactic, hey? Really good. I just got an email from Barbara Wawa and Whoopi G saying they'd be REAL interested to have Chinga on their show to offer her point of view on the campaign and Chongo's qualifications to lead. As his sister, no-one should be more qualified to speak on his actual values. So, just so you are fairly warned: Your campaign is melting, you wicked lad....MELLLLLLTING!!! Mwahahahahaha. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 15 Sep 08 - 06:36 PM Such posturing, Amos...good lord. It's about what I'd expect from a man who pretends to be a "Himalayan Bigfoot" with the world's largest and most enthusiastic following of Internet blog readers. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Amos Date: 15 Sep 08 - 07:30 PM Go to, you are a saucy varlet, and a poor pretender. To so treat a damsel thou knewst not were poor form; to so treat the very flesh of your friend is the act of a barbarian, sir. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 15 Sep 08 - 07:47 PM In some cultures eating the flesh of your friend is an act of love. Amos, are saying that you are against cultural diversity? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Ernest Date: 16 Sep 08 - 02:05 AM LH: you said that Clint Eastwood was a republican: Does that mean that apes & monkeys are always democrats? Or that democrats are .... ...no that would be a racist remark, so I won`t say it. Regards E. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Sep 08 - 02:29 AM No, no, Ernest! You completely fail to understand. Chongo is the leader of the APP (American Primate Party) who are neither Democrats nor Republicans. They are a brand new party launched in Chicago in early 2008 by a coalition of apes and monkeys who want an equal voice in government. Due to Chongo's progressive ideas and fresh new approach, the APP soon expanded to having a fair number of human members as well as apes and monkeys (and the odd lemur). The APP is competing against both the Democrats AND the Republicans. Clint Eastwood is a faithful member of the Republican Party, so he can't be a member of the APP unless he leaves the Republican Party, and I don't think he would, despite being a good friend of Chongo's. In the same sense, Barack Obama is a Democrat, so he can't be a member of the APP either, unless he leaves the Democratic Party. Capiche? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Ebbie Date: 16 Sep 08 - 03:15 AM I remember Chinga well, Little Hawk. She wasn't all that bad. (And she ( is Chongo's sister.) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: John MacKenzie Date: 16 Sep 08 - 06:13 AM A word from our candidate. JM |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!! From: Rapparee Date: 16 Sep 08 - 09:07 AM How awful! How would YOU like being shot in the butt? |
