BS: Kendall's latest physical

Subject: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 07:25 PM

There were two things on my "Bucket list",
Standing on Dingle Beach and singing "Song For Ireland" and standing on top of Ben Nevis and singing "Flower of Scotland".
Last May I did stand on the fish pier in Dingle and recited Song for Ireland with a lump in my throat.
It is unlikely that I will ever be able to climb Ben Nevis to sing Flower of Scotland because I had my annual physical yesterday, and although it was generally very good, I failed my breathing test. Doctor says I have the lungs of a man 84 years old.

If I had never smoked, I would still have the lungs of a man 78 years old!

I guess, what I want to say is, whatever is on your bucket list. DO IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. I put it off too long.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 08:34 PM

Maybe you just need a new bucket, Cap. Rejoice that the test results were "generally very good".

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 08:44 PM

Kendall, tonight I watched an episode of "Boston Legal" where they took on the tobacco industry. And, as Alan Shore recited the statistics on the damage tobacco wreaks on smokers and their families and how big tobacco makes cigarettes even more addicting and their advertising even drawing in young smokers in the way they "campaign against" smoking for youth, etcet etcet...and I had as decent a cry as I've had. (I don't cry easily, unfortunately.) For Tom's voice, for your voice, for Tom's other physical problems (and, I suppose, for yours), for my father's death from emphysema...

How addicting is tobacco? I told Tom over 30 years ago that I wouldn't marry a smoker. Like a damned fool (and because I love him so much), I did anyway. He quit the first time, though, when I told him that. And he quit so many times and for varying lengths of time over the past 30 years. He quit again before his heart surgery in 2004, but at some point afterwards decided he could have the occasional cigarette. He never actually lied to me, but when I said I could smell it on him, he just wouldn't answer... He saw a hypnotist for the SECOND time the day before I broke my arm four years ago. And, in the snowstorm on the way home from the hospital on the day of my surgery, he started smoking again.

He continued to smoke after vocal cord cancer robbed him of his singing voice. I pleaded with him and pointed out that vocal cord cancer wouldn't make him immune from, say, lung cancer. And he TRIED. Then the vascular problem -- caused by smoking -- robbed him of most of his sight as well.

He finally quit for good last May -- that's less than a year ago. He analyzed what it was he was looking for...and it was a feeling he had back in the '60s sitting on the edge of Boston Common while smoking a cigarette. And -- epiphany! -- he realized he would NEVER feel that way again, no matter how many cigarettes he smoked.

So he quit.

And I just have to console myself with the fact that if I hadn't forced him into starting to try to quit 30 years ago, and if he hadn't quit numerous times and for varying lengths of time, that he would probably be dead by now.

But YOU know how much I wish he had never started smoking in the first place.

All of the deaths caused by alcohol, AIDS, illegal drugs, homicide, accidental injuries by firearms, and motor vehicle accidents COMBINED are LESS THAN 34% of the deaths by smoking. And that's not taking into consideration secondary smoke -- which both you and Tom got as a result of performing in smoky bars.

And I agree totally, Kendall. Whatever it is you really want to do, do it NOW, while you can. You just don't know what's coming next down the road. And when you won't be able to follow your dream.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Midchuck
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 09:32 PM

Well, I never smoked and I always got a good deal of exercise.

And I made it to a triple bypass on just diet and heredity.

Of course, if I'd smoked and been obese, I might have needed it a lot earlier...but how can you tell?

You can find a supposed expert who'll give you any advice you want to hear. Although if you want to be told that smoking is good for you, you need to find a tobacco company employee.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Charley Noble
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 09:39 PM

My father stopped smoking when he was about 60 after his first heart attack. Because of the smoking he only survived for another 38 years. Well, yes, he did pretty good considering. I don't think he was addicted to smoking. I certainly never was, and I tried hard to enjoy smoking as a teenager. I'm very happy I was unsuccessful, and I'd never underestimate the courage and determination that it takes to give up smoking if one is addicted.

One of my good friends in Michigan is still alive today because he managed to give up both smoking and alcohol around 1980. He looks great today but in the 1970s he looked to be at death's door.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 09:43 PM

Old German saying... we got too soon old and too late smart.

How true. How true.

But, everyone smoked "back then". And, it was marketed aggresively and that marketing was aimed at children on radio and TV and at the general publc in publications before the electronic media became what it is.

I started a thread a while back and I still believe in it's premise... ban tobacco on a future date... period. Just get rid of the shit. I took a lot of shit about it but I believe it's high time it came to pass.

Sorry for the thread drift. It just pisses me off to watch my freinds suffer and die from this shit. I gotta go visit someone over the next couple of days for what may be the last time... it just pisses me off. Sorry for the drift and for the whine.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 09:46 PM

I gave up my pipe on January 16, 1985. It was simple to do, since I had pneumonia at the time AND my wife made a few mild comments. Before that I was coughing for at least a half an hour every night after I went to sleep.

Yes, I miss it. I miss it most when I'm out fishing or taking a break in the outdoors. And I still have my pipes. But I don't smoke them.

Linn, Jacqui -- you're lucky you've got 'em and they're even luckier to have you. My late boss, back in Indiana, retired with emphysema and even after he was on oxygen would sneak out to the garage for a smoke. His wife, who quit when he announced his emphysema, couldn't stop him.

I've know too many whom tobacco-related disease has killed. All but one were Vietnam veterans, including my youngest brother. I don't know, but I suspect, a correlation.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 10:19 PM

So this is like the confession thread or something? Okay..........

I have had 5 heart surgeries and like Tom have an artificial mitral valve and an implanted defibrolator. I also have some stage of emphysema although it really doesn't matter which or how. I take 9 different prescription meds a day, some of them twice a day. I also do some supplement stuff.

Almost every medical problem I have had in the past 14 years is due to smoking. Now I also worked in a business where I was exposed to quantites of asbestos dust and hydrocarbon concentrations. But the smoking was the real thing. 2 1/2 to 3 packs a day for almost 40 years.....yeah, I continued smoking even after I had several heart surgeries. I finally quit in 2005 and haven't had a puff since but the damage was done.

I loved to smoke. I enjoyed the taste, the hand stuff, everything......and I knew it was killing me but I didn't care. I was truly classic in the "If I had known I was gonna' live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." But there was a lot of truth in that as my passion for some of the things I did put me in a physical risk........But I was young......and immortal.

My Dad died of lung cancer when he was 53 and I was 23. It was tough to watch and I knew I was doing that to myself but.......I loved the butts. Almost every activity I might have done I did with a cigarette in my hand(and mouth). Taking a shower, washing the dishes, before eating, after eating, driving(not racing however), On a motorcycle........you name it. Smoking was involved somehow.

I met and married Karen when I was 36 and she smoked as well. She quit a few years later and put some feelers toward me to do the same. I rebuffed all of those and to be truthful, she KNEW that arguing with me was a complete waste of time. Every so often she took a run at me on the subject and I said I'd try, blah, blah...........But I did try. Its easy to stop smoking.....I've done it thousands of times!

So in '97 I had a quad bypass and spent 10 days in the hospital. I had a cigarette in the first 5 minutes I was home. And it was like that with every surgery and ewvery hospitalization. I would try to promise myself and Karen that I would quit and the longest I ever made it before 2005 was less than 8 hours. 2005 was so close (as if the others hadn't been) that it scared me enough to try again and while in the hospital I figured a way I hadn't tried before and damn if it didn't work.

And now?   Yeah, I wish I had it to do again in some ways but there isn't much I regret and mainly I would just want to keep doing it better and longer and forever!    If you read my med file you'd swear I was bedridden and in terrible shape. But in the flesh I'm pretty normal looking. I run out of wind pretty quick and conserve what I have to do the most that I can. I use O2 at home but never out and about and I get along fine. Funny thing about the O2 at home. Its become like cigarettes used to be. If I'm just sitting around on the computer like now or watching the tube, I just automatically grab the cannula and suck up some good stuff. No real need but like a cigarette, I just enjoy it! Several times I have been in here with the cannula on , maybe for over an hour, and someone will come in......"Uh, Dad? Do you want the oxygen machine on?"   I think the cannula is a security blanket...LOL.

The real drag is not the places I haven't been or the things I haven't done.   And although I love my boys, they are both doing well now, at least to the point that I don't worry for them. The real thing it is all about is Karen. I know that many of you are happily married or whatever and that you're in love with your partner so you know how I feel.

Karen is far and away the best and greatest thing that ever happened in my life. She's my lifemate, my soulmate, my buddy my pal, my lover, and more than anything else........she's my best friend. Every day within me there are moments of sadnees and anger based in the knowledge that our time remaining together is short and the fault is mine. Gawddammit, the fault is MINE! How easy it would have been but I didn't do it and now we are both paying the price for my weakness.

So we do things now that some think are wasteful or frivolous or a waste of whatever little we have. Thankfully she feels like me as I do about her (I am also blessed) and she too knows that time is short. So we're going to do whatever we're up to doing and enjoy every moment we spend together....every moment. And we're going to do some sillyass things and waste money and enjoy it. Some of those things may not be the right thing to do but we're beyond giving a shit about what other people think is important or right........Like Pat Sky wrote, "Only love will endure."


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 10:35 PM

Nevermind the smokin'... I quit cigarettes October of '85... But we all do dumb shit... And dumb shit has a way of doin' stuff back to us... And that bucket??? Forget it... Ya' gotta keep things in perspective... I think I was 39 and blown my knee out playing pickup basketball in South Richmond when reality set in that I might not be NBA material... Gotta keep that bucket filled with the do-able stuff and leave the rest alone...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 10:47 PM

Nah, fill the bucket and sort it out later; keep it full of what you can do at the moment. Do what you can when you get the chance, you might never get it again. Hell, in 1982 my wife and I camped out of the back of a Honda Civic station wagon for a month; we visited Yellowstone and the Tetons and all sorts of places thinking that we might never get the chance again -- and now we live here!!

Fill the goddamn bucket and keep it full. You'll never empty it but at least you gave it your best shot and you can't regret it later.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 10:55 PM

Just revise your dream, Kendall- no one says Flower of Scotland must be sung at the summit. Put your arms about a cairn at the base of the mountain and sing away.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 11:02 PM

BTW, Capt'n... 76 is young, son... Don't make me have my 93 year old mom drive up there and kick yer butt 'cause she will and you'll have to post here with a bag over yer head...

Ya' hear???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Janie
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 11:11 PM

Text (personal) removed per Janie's request. mod

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 12 - 11:20 PM

Janie!!! Spawz!!!

I am so pissed at the tobacco for spiking the nicotine levels to keep ya'll hooked... My poor brother, Steve, is also addicted...

I hate it...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 12:33 AM

Oh for Christ sake! I will organize the Groupies. We will pour you into a wheel chair and haul you up to sing your damn song! THen we will haul you down again.
BUT...you must wear the black leather jacket.
As for the rest of you, I wish I knew a cure for all addictions. I don't. You're on your own.
SINS, Head Kendall Groupie

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:06 AM

Damn it, Spaw, I can't see for the tears. You lovely, lovely man. All of you, and women!

My Rog quit about three years ago, then things got ramped up at work, MORE stress, and I found out a few months later he'd started again. It was just 2-3 cigs per day and now is back up to a half a pack. Friends said not to bug him, but it pisses me off. My son does, too. I think of it as a slow form of suicide. Mostly I try to bless and release them to their "highest good," but in Roger's case I know I feel a lot of impotent anger. He's got decent health, no major problems, thank goodness, but we've got to find a way for him to retire, imo, for the stress levels to recede AND be able to have time to do some of the things we'd like on a shoestring budget (unless one of my books becomes a bestseller!)

Janie, sounds like you are beating yourself up a lot. Knowing you, here, I find it hard to think of you as selfish. I hope you find a way to peace.

gnu, I'm with you. My youngest dau. and her husband smoke. They go out on the porch, but my grandson still has to walk through there and still smells of smoke some days when he comes over. His dad is diabetic and has trouble with keeping it stable. I hope tobacco is a distant memory by the time Morgan grows up, but he's already eight. I do see huge anti-smoking signs which say "The Cigarette is Dead." If only it were true all over this land. My dad and brother both smoked pipes, but gave them up years ago and never had any problems, thank goodness.

Kendall, your message is good...do things while you can. Should be a maxim for everyone no matter the circumstances, but when we are young we are immortal as Spaw said and the German quote above.

Just remember this, I don't want to be the only old fart left in this joint someday, so ya'll stop it, now!**BG**

luvya'llkat

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:11 AM

I dunno' Sins........ I don't know who the hell this Ben Nevis guy is but couldn't he just lift Kendall up onto his shoulders or something? Do a lot of people sing on his shoulders? Seems like a pretty weird place to sing......especially about flowers.

So Kendall....Are you going back to dangle your dingle in the bay or did the Doc say it was ready to fall off or something? And what's with all this Scots/Irish stuff anyway? I thought you were from Maine......which of course does classify and qualify as a foreign countrty..............


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:15 AM

Ah, the King (of Levity) is back!:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:23 AM

What Ernie said, Kendall.

Lists are made to be be revised.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 02:02 AM

"I really have no reason for myself to want to live to a ripe old age" Ah, but it is not the shortened life span but the reduced quality of life before death happens... But sheesh you know all that, Janie. The only advice I could give you is the advice that was given me- and which was ultimately successful: Don't try to quit until you are ready; it is so much easier then.

In the meantime ditch the guilt. Enjoy life and celebrate all its aspects.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: My guru always said
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 03:15 AM

Yes, do it now! Don't waste a second!

I suppose a helicopter ride to the top of Ben Nevis is out of the question?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: alanabit
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 03:42 AM

Some great posts, especially from Spaw and Kendall here. I was a "youth" smoker, who smoked for periods of a few weeks at a time when I was younger. The last time I smoked was in 1981, when I found it hard to stop. I thought, "Sod this, I'll never do it again!" I haven't. But that is only half the truth really. The fact is, that for many years I was a regular pub goer, especially when I was gigging, which obliged me to ingest huge amounts of other people's cigarette smoke. It has certainly affected my voice - although without measuring things clinically, it is impossible to say how much other damage it has done.
I vaguely remember gnu's thread, in which he wanted to ban tobacco. My reaction is that although I completely share his disgust for the stuff, it is no more possible to remove it by legislation than it is to eliminate anything else by law. What gives the tobacco companies the biggest kick in the nuts is to stop them from glamourising their filthy products in public. Heroin pushers are not able to display pictures of sexy young models shooting up - so why should tobacco companies get away with it? As the father of teenage children that makes me really angry.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amergin
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 04:02 AM

Hey, Kendall, I'm sure if you asked nicely Jacqui would be more than happy to carry you up to the summit on her back, so you can fulfill your dream.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Megan L
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 04:41 AM

Of course you could always talk nicely to the mountain rescue :) thier helicopter can land on the summit

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Will Fly
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 04:51 AM

Started in 1955 - when I was about 11 - going up to the little shop on the corner and asking for 5 "Woodies" and a match, cost 9d (that's nine OLD pennies n Uk currency). "Woodies" were Wills Woodbines - cheapest crap on the market. Stopped smoking cigarettes one morning at work around 1969 - just looked at the things and the thought of smoking one made me feel sick. I flirted a little with a pipe, some years later, and had the very occasional Havana cigar - more for the flavour than the nicotine because I never inhaled (like Bill Clinton) - but stopped it all completely when the smoking ban came in over here.

So it's been over 40 years since I smoked regularly - thank heavens...

But - I do believe that some people are born with an "addictive" gene which makes it more difficult for them to quit, and others (like me) don't have this gene. I stopped with no difficulty whatsoever. Whether medical research bears this out or not, I have no idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: alanabit
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 06:41 AM

I happen to think you are right Will. My father was an alcoholic, who was able to control his condition as long as he had motivation (his marriage) to do so. Once Mum was gone he simply let it go - which was essentially suicide. I have known so many alcoholics and drug addicts who were braver, stronger people than I am. Some of us have an automatic revulsion, which forces us to reject anything we have taken to excess. This has kept me safe from alcoholism, addiction and obesity - and it has nothing to do with will power. I think that for you and I an accident of birth has made life that little bit easier.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 08:07 AM

Well, Ben Nevis may not be doable but we will be knocking some of the other stuff off Kendall's list. We're trying to get a tank driving session set up, go see Hadrian's Wall, visit the hotel in Alnwick which has the dining room fashioned after the one on the Titanic and, if it can be arranged, do a day trip to France so that he can see the White Cliffs of Dover. We'' hopefully also hit some folk clubs in the UK while we're there and, if given the chance, will do some of the stuff that we've worked out between us.

The thing that really breaks my heart is that smoking killed Kendall's voice. I have never heard him sing, except on recordings. What I admire is the fact that he has never given up, in spite of all the surgeries and setbacks. He just keeps on keeping on and that shows real courage. Even now, with the breathing problems, he is still a pretty fit 77 year old, cursing that he finds it more difficult to get up from the crawler when he's been working under the antique car.

Spaw - your post was wonderful and I agree with what you say. However, none of us know when our number will be up - accidents and unforeseen physical problems could carry any of us off at any time. I think the only thing to do is to live in the moment as much as possible and to let those we care for know how we feel.

On a side note - I started smoking at 14 - Park Drive cigarettes that you could buy in packets of five. I smoked until December 31 1982 when I finally gave up, with withdrawal symptoms that were so severe that I never wanted to go through that again. I think that Will and Alan are right about the addictive gene - my father was a 'respectable' alcoholic and smoker, in spite of chronic bronchitis and ulcers and die in his early sixties as a result of that abuse of his system. I had tried a few times to give up but ended up smoking about a pack and a half a day. Our doctor at the time told my ex that he should stop smoking as he had signs of hereditary heart disease. I reckoned that it would be unfair for him to stop while I was still smoking so we gave up together. (The irony was that he died of stomach cancer about three years ago). I'm still waiting to see if twenty years of smoking are going to come back and bite me on the ass, but I've not really got anything on a bucket list, except to see my grandchildren grow up and to be a royal pain in the ass to my kids when I'm in my nineties!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Will Fly
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 08:28 AM

Kendall/Jacqui, when are you planning to get over here to not climb Ben Nevis? The White Swan Hotel in Alnwick has the dining room fittings from the Titanic's sister ship the Olympic. We're planning to be in Alnwick the latter part of August - and the White Swan will be on the itinerary.

Oh - and if you're in Alnwick, try a bottle of Alnwick rum - lovely stuff...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 12:34 PM

Janie and Spaw, don't give me that, "I enjoy smoking" Rubbish!
We smoke to avoid the discomfort of not smoking.That is a fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:05 PM

About this Ben Nevis bullshit -- the only problem is getting him up. I suggest hauling him up in a wheelchair while singing chanteys to ease the work. When you get him there, find a nice spot, apply the brakes, and let him have at it. To get him down simply take the brake off and give a slight shove.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:19 PM

"the only problem is getting him up"
That was just unkind, Rap. I expect that sort of thing from Spaw but not you...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Greg B
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:37 PM

Does the 84-year-old know you have his lungs, and does he want them back?

You might ask the doc about a bit of pulmonary rehab. It can really help.

My dad has progressive COPD, probably also caused by years of smoking which ended (surprise) when he had a quadruple bypass. I'm thankful that I never acquired the taste for the stuff. But I too, used to tolerate a lot of second-hand smoke in the pubs at gigs.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:49 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From:SINSULL - PM
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 01:19 PM

"the only problem is getting him up"
That was just unkind, Rap. I expect that sort of thing from Spaw but not you...

I am sliced and diced to the core.......how cruel and unkind! And besides Sins, I think it was Jacqui that originally said of Kendall, "The only problem is getting him up."   That may have been on another thread..........or possibly before he had those hydraulics installed......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 02:00 PM

Most of me is in very good working order, so I shouldn't complain. Right, Jacqui?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Janie
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 02:17 PM

About to be a crowd in the cellar?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 02:29 PM

A stellar cellar seesion? Wish I could join in.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 03:46 PM

You can hawk the tickets -- be a stellar cellar seller.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 08:16 PM

Right, Jacqui?

No complaints so far. Kendall did tell his doctor that he does get bouts of breathlessness when he's been working too hard in the garage or when he been having sex for more than two hours. His doctor said don't do it. The work in the garage, he meant.

Will - we will be in the UK in May and early June. Maybe I'll start a thread for the trip - we'll be batting around a fair bit during the three weeks we're there.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 08:23 PM

My grand daughter and her Rottweiler/Pit Bull mix will be living here while we are gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:16 PM

"His doctor said don't do it. The work in the garage, he meant."

Hahahahhaaaahhahahahehehehhereeeeee!

Oh my! hahahaheheheheee!

Of course he did. You can't tell an old dog not to... hahahahahaaa!

My sides hurt.

Hehehehheheeeeeeee

I have tears running down my cheeks and it's hard to type.

That's the best laugh I have had in ages!!! Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:41 PM

Kendall... if you said something like that, you'd get a "cellar". I assume you should give her a "bedroom". Oh dear. Sorry if that's over the line but I can't stop laughing... and I don't want to.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: framus
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:46 PM

GNU, YOU'RE EASILY AMUSED!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:59 PM

Where's Becca with her usuual "EEEEWWWWWWW"?
Take a breath, gnu. We'll all wait.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 10:04 PM

Minds me... I was at Shoppers Drug Mart today and bought a pack of condoms. The cashier asked if I wanted a bag with that. I said, "No! She's not THAT ugly!"

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 10:14 PM

Easily amused? Perhaps. But I beg to differ. THAT was priceless. Delivered perfectly. A masterly piece of comedy. Pure Brit kinda comedy. I shall smile again every time I recall it. Thanks, jac.

She's a keeper, Kendall... fer sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 10:28 PM

Lemme see if I have this correct???

Cap't is out of sorts 'cause after a zesty session with his beautiful wife, Jacqui, that he feels a little wiped out??? Hey, that's the way it's 'sposed to be...

What else... Oh yeah, he wants to be flown to the moon to sing "Puff the Magic Dragon"???

And he wants his book to go platinum???

I donno??? But if I were a bettin' man than I'd bet that the Capt'n couldn't pass a pee test...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 07:33 AM

You could be right; half the time I can't pee at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 08:16 AM

My turn:
EEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Becca72
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 09:38 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL - PM
Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:59 PM

Where's Becca with her usuual "EEEEWWWWWWW"?
Take a breath, gnu. We'll all wait.
SINS



Just over here in the corner washing my eyes out with bleach, Mary...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: olddude
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 09:51 AM

more than two hours ... you are our hero captain

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 10:05 AM

I looked and yup, he's in the "Guinness Book of World Records" (unexpurgated edition, available only to librarians and archivists).

To save poor little Becca's eyes I shan't list the other things he's in there for.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 10:39 AM

Of course, if what I said was true, I wouldn't mention it.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 12:14 PM

Rap - did the Guiness Book Of Records list the greatest number of lies in the shortest time? I KNOW he has that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 01:11 PM

You gonna take that, Capt'n???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 02:43 PM

For a humorist, that's a compliment.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 06:07 PM

Yeah....humorists....and crapped out, shriveled, old, gasbags............


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 06:23 PM

Speaking of crapped out, shrivelled old gas bags...HI SPAW!


Now get down the cellar until I say you can come up.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 08:52 PM

addictive gene.... addictive personality.... who knows? I suspect there ARE such things, because I don't seem to have either. After reading all this (was out of town this weekend) I count myself very lucky. I grew up in a house full of smoke, and my younger brother started both smoking & drinking as soon as he could get away with it.
I simply never started... never had one puff of a cigarette... and I love beer, scotch, rum...etc... but simply do not over-indulge.
I have no idea whether to take credit... or just to keep feeling lucky. (I DO remember, however, when I was about 12-13, doing some arithmetic and announcing to my parents that if they had saved all the $$$$ they spent on tobacco, they could buy a new Cadillac. They were not amused.)

I do hope that reading all this helps someone.. someday... to find the strength to do what they KNOW they need to.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 09:00 PM

.......***sigh***..............could I get a new bulb at least? Last time I was down there I was attacked by some foul smelling creature(s) who repeatedly made disparaging remarks about brats and kraut and how they had ruined his underwear. I later found this was either Gnu or Kendall.........although I think now it was both. Anyway, make it at least a 60 watter.......and I need a ball bat too.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 09:13 PM

Brats but hold the kraut... especially for you, Spaw. ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.

A bat? Wouldn't you like somethin smaller for your perversions? Don't wanna wear things out, do you

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 12 - 11:27 PM

A vampire bat?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:20 AM

Jacqui's an old bat. Try her.


OOOPS
Now I'm down here too.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Megan L
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:26 AM

Jacqui You are going to have to build an extension :)

Now me ahm just an auld batty

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:40 AM

Talk about a Captain taking his boat down - crew, passengers and all - the cellar is lookin' a tad crowded...

Me thinks it's time to tell Jacqui just how pretty she looks today... Oh, what a beautiful dress, too...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Becca72
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:41 AM

Watch it, Sins. Wicked step-mummy will send you to the worst part of the cellar.....the CRAWLSPACE!!
That's where the evil clown lives...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:41 AM

JEEZ! Talk about thread creep!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 09:53 AM

IF you're gonna get Spaw a bat, make it an aluminum one. His proctologist hates splinters.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 10:01 AM

Nuthin' creepy about this thread, Capt'n... Now the cellar??? Different story entirely...

BTW, looks like yer packin' 'um in like sardines...

Nice up here, tho...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 10:02 AM

You mention "thread creep" and Amos shows up............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 11:12 AM

...might as well "talk about thread creep", because after a certain point, the 'witty repartee' overwhelms any attempt to make serious replies anyway.....

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 11:50 AM

Just trying to keep track of ya, Pat-me-buck!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 12:10 PM

ROTF........

I do love you lot. If you were all in the cellar I'd be down there too.

Becca - no sending SINSULL to the crawl space - she's noisy enough already and I don't want to be listening to her whinging away. Anyway, she'd scare the bejassus out of the evil clown and I'm keeping him in reserve for bigger and better things.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Becca72
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 12:29 PM

*note to self - do not piss off wicked step-mummy...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 12:51 PM

Wise girl Becca.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 01:54 PM

That clown better not how up on my lawn or there will be retribution.
C'mon down Kat. I saved a space for you next to Spaw.

Where did this thread go wrong??????????????

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 02:29 PM

Gotta' mirror? (:<))

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 03:16 PM

Still trying to get Mister to quit. He quit once, not long after we were married, and took up the smokes again 3 years ago when his uncle & dad died in the same month.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 03:46 PM

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 06:33 PM

BTW
Just stopped in Curmudgeon's thread. He has managed to clear out a roommate by opening a window. Private room is nice but I suggested that some of you might have advice for scoring a suite. Kendall of the two hours; Spaw and gnu with some cabbage recipes; Jacqui with a spell or two.
Anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 07:45 PM

To quit smoking you must first admit that you are an addict
Then you must admit that you are not in charge.
Stop telling yourself lies, "I can quit anytime I want to."
Or, "I enjoy smoking"

Forget all those "Aids" they do not work. There is only one way to quit smoking,and that is... Quit smoking!
If losing your voice to cancer, as I did, or you want to die a horrible death is ok, then go ahead and kill yourself.
Never mind your loved ones whom you are hurting.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 08:57 PM

Kendall... wise words.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: framus
Date: 03 Apr 12 - 09:37 PM

And nice grammar too.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 12:09 AM

Well, thanks, MariGold, right next to Spaw's fine as long as the corn isn't in season. (I know on Mudcat *corn* is always in season, but at least it's not stinky!) Which reminds me, Spaw, Rog has a new idea he thinks you and Morgan will just love. Remember you read it here, first: Fart Ring Tones for your mobile phone. Morgan's at that age which it seems some of you never outgrew.**Bg**

Sorry, Kendall, more thread drift. What you said is pretty much what my dad said when he quit his pipe. He just put it up on the shelf one day and that was it. (I hope my son and daughter get the message in time.)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 12:33 AM

CLICK HERE katmyluv................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 07:24 AM

Remember the Boston Legal episode where Denny Crane's cell keeps going off in court and the ringtone is loud feminine, uh, lovemaking noises?

I'll definitely be reading this thread to Tom...

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:18 AM

Those fart ringtones have been around forever, Miss Kitty. Back to the drawing boards.




Sorry for the thread drift Kendall. I watch young people at work going out for cigarettes and then spending hours at the gym (?) followed by tanning sessions and I wonder WTF?????
I asked one if she was not concerned about skin cancer. The answer - I only go for fifteen minutes a week.
I don't understand why anyone would knowingly put themselves in harm's way.
Some chew tobacco - it is a stress reliever. I see blackened teeth and tongue tumors in his future but he can't. As I said I don't get it.
Then again I do little or nothing about my weight though I know it is slowly killing me. Denial is a beautiful river.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 09:47 AM

Darn! I'll have to tell Rog he was scooped!:-)

MariGold, maybe they all need to watch a docu? That's what finally did it for me re' taking care of my body and losing weight. I wrote about the two that changed things for me in THIS THREAD. The first title may be a little off-putting, but it is for anyone interested in healthier, easier nutrition and the second one is mainstream, good science.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 10:11 AM

BTW, I've been curious... Any plans for a smoke-free cellar in the future, jacqui??? I mean, there are those of us - not me, of course - who would like to occasionally cross over the line but just don't want to be punished by being sent into the smoky cellar... And while we're talkin'... I've been hearing some complaints about that 60s Philco black 'n white TV down there...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 10:14 AM

The CELLAR! is smoke free. The chains bolted into the wall are for those who try to smoke in Kendall's castle.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 11:25 AM

Whew, Sins... That's good to hear... Ahhhh, BTW, word on the street is that the chains are for something else??? Hey??? I donno nuthin' about that kind of stuff... Jus' a rumor, I'm sure...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 12:12 PM

remember the bull whip at the getaway a few years back??????

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 01:06 PM

Yeah, seems that I do... Hmmmmmm??? You wouldn't have any photographs you'd like to share, do ya' Sins???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Megan L
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 01:15 PM

Aw drat now yev set Granny Dom of we had to hide her bull whip after the last unfortunate incident (she tries bless her but sometime gets a bit a bit mixed up what the neighbour had actually said was "I want to have a whip round for a new bull" The poor man has never quite recovered. Especially since he was a kirk elder and the minister decided tae visit while Granny wis there, how we kept it ooto the paper i shall not reveal.)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 04:43 PM

Spaw is in classic form, antique farts and all...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 04:56 PM

There's a lot of antique farts around here.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 04:57 PM

.....*****sigh*****.........well, for yet another confession, THIS is one of the ringtones I use.....and my favorite.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 05:00 PM

Let's try that again

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:11 PM

I had my annual sonogram today, plaque in the carotid arteries and an aortic abdominal aneurism. Won't know anything until my Doctor send me the results.

I failed the breathing test again, lung capacity, 65%.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:23 PM

Demand a recount, Capt'n...

And...

...100

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:27 PM

At least a C-, Kendall -- not an F. About the sonogram: is it a boy or a girl or can you tell yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Jeri
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:31 PM

Spaw, I'd be lookin' for a sledge hammer!

Kendall, as long as you're still breathing, you didn't fail the test!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 08:34 PM

Hey, when I'm a 100 like the Capt'n and they tell me that I'm only 45% used up I reckon that means that Mosses better look out 'cause his record might be in jeopardy...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 09:58 PM

Kendall.....Try not to dwell on this crap! My lung capacity is lower than yours. I have a dissected aorta from the arch to the femoral and it has TWO, yes TWO, aneurysms along that run. Four years ago my ejection fraction was 22 but it has improved(yea!!!) to 35 but that still is way below normal.....about 20 points.   I have two ulcers which bleed at times and thanks to numerous lengthy hospitalizations I have several problems related to them such as a low immunity in a few areas and a predisposition towards C-Dif. And like you I have bouts of Diverticular disease. There are a few other things as well like PAD which are simply annoying.

AND IF my body wasn't in such a bad shape with all of this maybe I could have a surgery or two to fix some things. You know there are repairs for aneurysms and/or in my case an aortic replacement. But the heart and lungs wouldn't make it through the surgery......and I ain't Dick Cheney.

If I sit and think about it or read my medical file I would be a bedridden, wheelchair using, just waitin' to die, motherfucker. I'm not. I have some really bad days and a few great days with the bell curve working to its truist effect. Looking back at what I can no longer do or will never do again just is plain fucked up!!! Don't do it! Do what you can and ENJOY whatever to hell that is and relax.

My cardiologist continues to tell me I should be dead and one day he'll be right. Til then, I'm just movin' on down the road........and diggin' it.



Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 10:04 PM

Well, Spawzer... Tell yer doc that this ol' hillbilly he's on his way out, too... Until then??? Like my dad used to say, "Turn the radio up..."...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 10:25 PM

You guys are planning on checking out? Not me! I've been told where I'm gonna end up and from the description I ain't gonna make the trip! Nossir! Sounds like LA or New York or something. Nope, I ain't gonna go. If you decide not to go either we could sit around, drink beer, and tell dirty jokes.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Apr 12 - 11:11 PM

"I choose to let the mystery be..."

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,KENDALL
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 08:30 AM

Spaw, I'm not dwelling on this stuff, just commenting on the obvious.
I remember my dear friend, Sandy Paton, always hooked up to an oxygen tank, and my Father who couldn't walk across the room without resting.

Raparee, I did ask the nurse if it was a boy or a girl and she said, "It's twins."
I said, "Damn! I went out with a telephone operator and she reversed the charge on me."
That made her day.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Becca72
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 09:34 AM

Spaw - thank you for the perspective. Someone ought to send you some lobster

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 09:52 AM

What Becca said...

Ya' see, Capt'n... Yer in great shape fir the shape yer in...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 10:38 AM

And right now he's in the yard fixing up the lawn trailer that gave up the ghost a while back. In spite of his health issues he's still doing pretty well for an old fart. He's certainly a lot fitter than most of the 77 year olds I know.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 11:15 AM

SIGH
DO I really have to be the one to comment on Spaw's ejection fraction?
Somebody help me out here.

Glad you're still breathing, Captain.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 08:26 PM

Jacqui, how many 77 year olds do you know?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 08:32 PM

If you get smart with her like that, I'd say she won't know any soon....................


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 12 - 11:46 PM

Spaw was a miserable failure in grade school and as a result has never learned to eject in fractions. Each of his swimmers is one over one, a perfect whole, designed to produce a perfect hole. They don't always get where they need to go but he keeps on hoping to substitute quantity for accuracy.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 01:42 AM

Spawdarlin', I hope that when you do fulfill Gargoyle's dream (may it never happen!) you will continue, from wherever, to fling those bon mots!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 08:15 AM

Charles Manson is 77 years old and he looks like hell.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Becca72
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 08:28 AM

Spaw,
That reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother when I was around 16. She said "I'm not playing dumb" to which I replied "Oh, I KNOW you're not playing!"

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 08:31 AM

That's my girl.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 11:36 AM

I remember 77---ah, the joys of relative youth.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 12:17 PM

You guys make me feel so young!! :D
Spring to be sprung!
Freud to be Jung!
SOngs to be sung!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 12:21 PM

The "Freud to be Jung" is pushin' it Amos......Well Done!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 05:40 PM

Well done is rare.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Greg B
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 08:48 PM

I'm going back to well done, well done, well done

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 06 Apr 12 - 09:15 PM

Well, never mind this Jung Freudian stuff 'cause it all comes down to toilet training and poli-morphris-perverse-guilt issues...

Hey, look, Capt'n... Doc says yer 45% used up and 77??? Well, Wes Ginny Slide Rule has good news and bad news... And they are the same... YAer going to live to be 145 years old... Get over it...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 07:13 AM

When I get to where I can't yank the transmission out of the old car, then I'll really complain.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 07:41 AM

Would you say that you still yank your crank as well?


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 03:07 PM

Spaw - why would HE want to do that? :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 03:23 PM

I am jealous. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 05:00 PM

Why? Do you want Kendall to yank your crank?


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 07 Apr 12 - 05:55 PM

I don't sail in that kinda ship.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: DougR
Date: 08 Apr 12 - 03:33 PM

Be that is it may, friend Kendall, you'll always have the Llamas.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Apr 12 - 11:12 PM

Hi Doug! It seems Kendall is yanking cranks and you have dropped by just in time! Gnu doesn't seem all that interested but I fear he has confused sailing with the traditional knob polish. They also say that Kendall's llama's knobs have a high degree of shine!!!!

Always good to see you though!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: stallion
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 03:54 AM

Hu Kendal, most things are possible, when are you going to be in the vicinity of Ben Nevis, I have a wish list with Ben Nevis and Scafell Pike on it but even though I am a mere puppy it seems a long way off. However I do have a lot of friends North o the borrrrderrrr and some might be mad enough to drag you up! Jaq will you be around for the York festival in June?
regards
Pete

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 04:23 AM

It's after 4 am here and Jacqui is asleep. She has our itinerary.

We will be getting as far north as Hadrian's Wall but that's about it.
We would like to meet up with you at some point.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: stallion
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 06:27 AM

'twould be good, Ron has a second home in the lakes so we go quite often, look forward to seeing you Cap'n

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 07:41 AM

Kendall, Hadrian built that wall to keep the wild, savage, Picts and Scots OUT, not to keep civilized folks like you IN. You'll be risking your life, the universe, and everything but you CAN go beyond the wall. You might want a military escort, but you can.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 09:21 AM

He don't need no military escort - he's got ME!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 12:34 PM

And Jacqui will get Kendall's aging, rapidly detereriorating, cardio-pulmonary challenged, pathetic excuse for a body, to the other side of Hadrian's Wall so he can polish the knobs of Irish llamas who are expecting his arrival.

They can then proceed to China and cross the Great Wall and on to Lhasa to polish the knob of the Dalai Lama who is not.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 01:06 PM

The Dalai Lama has not been in Lhasa since 1947.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 01:22 PM

LOL.......Imagine Kendall's surprise when he gets there! So then the DL moved where he could more easily get a knob polish on a regular basis? I was trying to work in something with a wall to get the llama/lama expectation joke in and Lhasa fit right in there!

Lat thing I remember reading about the DL was him saying something to the effect that his replacement might be a her. Hey! Are you the new DL Sins? If so then Kendall is SOL.......


Spaw....I'll be down here....got a canary? The air quality is pretty low.....

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 02:36 PM

So is your humor.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 02:40 PM

Yeah......I have to reach up through this grate to reach the gutter........I mean, I don't really care or anything but I do like to sociable...........


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 02:49 PM

At least you know your expertise with lowest common denominators will always find an audience! :D


A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Apr 12 - 03:15 PM

I'll have you know there is absolutely nothing common about my denominators. They are all quite strange and vary in degrees from Stupid-ass Shitkicker to Bumfucked Asshole!!! They are all, however, after the same thing in their lives......a proper knob polishing. This is why they are all here on this thread.........




Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 01:48 PM

My Doctor's assistant called today to tell me that I have some "Atypical cells" in my urine. I don't like the sound of that.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 01:49 PM

You think urine trouble? I sure hope not.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 02:06 PM

Hmmmm... why would an assistant call and say that? No explanation. Not even any, "Here's what we're gonna do?"

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 02:44 PM

.............****sigh*****......................It means you need more testing to find out why. From urinary tract infections to bladder cancer, could be a lot of things in between.

I'm done here................



Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: annamill
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 03:28 PM

Hi! Ya know, I haven't been here in a very long time and I am amazed at how absolutely nothing has changed! This is a compliment BTW. All the same people I loved and had fun with way beck when. Kat, Spaw, Kendall, Jacqui, gnu, Sinsull, Amos, DougR, Dick G., Bobert, and others... I miss you guys.

I gave up smoking back when my son was 7 yrs old. He's now 34. It was food on the table or cigs in my pocket. That's when they only cost $1.00 a pack. LOL! I started when they were .25 cents a pack.

I have trouble breathing when I run or walk to fast or walk up a hill or the stairs, otherwise not to bad. My doc says I might have a touch of emphazema but not to worry.

It's good to read you all again. Now, I'm going to go read some more. LOL!

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 03:52 PM

OK - Kendall now slapped round back of the head and sent to the cellar. I guess from now on I won't find out about these things from the Mudcat. In his defence I've been out for a good part of the day so wasn't around when the call came through.

He says it has happened before - no big deal and I guess they will just do a follow up to check things out. (When I let him out of the cellar!)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 04:25 PM

Hell, everyone has some abnormal cells in their urine. Urine trouble if you don't!!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 04:29 PM

What she said was, "There are some atypical cells in your urine and we have sent the results to your urologist. Makes sense to me.

Cigs were 9 cents a pack when I started. Raleigh pipe tobacco was a dollar a pound. They are now $6.00 a pack, and if they had been that high in 1950 I never would have started.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 04:40 PM

Doctor Z got an honourable mention on Woman's Hour today. Jacqui will tell you what it is, it's a UK thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 04:44 PM

"Woman's Hour"? I've experience Woman's Week.

Hello? Can anybody here me up there?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 05:27 PM

Should have kept smokin' Raleigh Kendall! I used my Raleigh Coupons for my quad bypass and I still had a few left over .....enough to buy a lava lamp anyway! You could also cash them in for the right to whine.......wait.........you do that here..........so maybe you could have had yourself a lava lamp too huh?


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 06:00 PM

No Spaw/ No Lamahood for me. The new Lama will be a child chosen for his looks (big ears are important) and ability to answer questions and riddles put to him by the search team.
My ears are small. They are the one part of me that are small.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 06:32 PM

I hear some girls like big ears on their lads. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 06:40 PM

Don't go there gnu............definitely not. Soon the sex will change and a flat head requirement will be thrown in and it gets really ugly after that.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 06:46 PM

Really ugly?

Minds me, I was at Shoppers Drug Mart and bought a pack of condoms. The cashier asked if I wanted a bag for that and I said, "She isn't THAT ugly!"

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 07:02 PM

I thought the flat-head requirement was only for models before 1964?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 07:47 PM

Actually 1953 Amos......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 12 - 08:36 PM

I remember 1953. I was in third grade and this girl and me REALLY got it on! Chalk dust, that is. We'd stand outside school and throw erasers at each other. Her name was...was...ah...Connie? Margaret? Alice? Something like that, or maybe Barbara or Mary. Or Pamela. One of them girls' names, anyway. Man, it was good times then! Party, party, party! Yeah, sometimes we'd do coke. Or 7-up or Bubble-up or Double Cola or RC or Pepsi or the hard stuff -- Grapette or Nehi or Orange Crush.

Well, anyway, I better not go into this sordid story of sin any further.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 07:19 AM

Kid stuff! you never mentioned Moxie.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 08:01 AM

Mr O'Reilly will have the Grape Nehi please.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 08:12 AM

I miss Radar.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 10:18 AM

Perhaps you'd like GPS...............


Spaw (I miss the whole damn show too)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 10:34 AM

Have them all on VHS, and the machine to play them too.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 12:19 PM

They had been running on cable.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 12:31 PM

Machine?   Do you have to crank it?

and yeah, I still watch occasionally on cable but watching them the first time was so great......15 tmes down the road ... not so much.

Thomas Wolfe had it right........***sigh***.............


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 02:21 PM

Here we are again....completely off-topic. My fault although I did have some help. This is all about Kendall here.......and his urinalysis.

So Kendall....What's the word on the dick cancer?



Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 02:27 PM

Cancer of the dick won't bother Kendall. They'll just cut out the bad parts, stitch him up and he'll still have plenty to spare.

Yer welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 02:50 PM

Worst case scenario they do plastic surgery using one of his toes....

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 03:18 PM

But, will he still be able to toe the line?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 05:57 PM

So Spaw has a flat head requirement for anyone from before 1953. This is quite the hot-spot for geriatric confessions, huh?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 10:07 PM

To be truthful Amos, I'm more into the DOHC configuration. Some of them high lift cams have some pretty nice lobes on 'em. And actually I ain't as big on the top end as I am on the bottom end. A well done bottom end makes everything else work.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 10:17 PM

Whew...

I though I was the only one lookin' at her camshaft that way... Gets my crankshaft a'spinnin'...

BTW... I think the Capt'n's only problem is that he's got bad disconnection...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: kendall
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 04:10 AM

CT scan and laryngoscopy show no signs of cancer.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 06:38 AM

Great news!

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 08:06 AM

So the dick is safe too then! Great news indeed! The llama will be thrilled.................


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 08:17 AM

The llama already knew, Spawzer... Kinda a fury CT scanner on four legs...

B:~)

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 08:30 AM

How are your toes, Kendall?

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 01:23 PM

Good question, SINS. Llamas are tall.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 01:59 PM

I was more concerned about the transplant, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendall's latest physical
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 06:40 PM

SINS, there's always room for one more joke.

Yer welcome Spaw. >;-)