Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Joe Offer Date: 19 Feb 99 - 05:07 PM This thread is too long. Please post new messages to the sequel thread - Click here for Part II-Joe Offer- |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Cuilionn Date: 19 Jun 98 - 11:31 PM I didnae see this ane posted yet, an' this is surely th' place where it belongs! SUFFOCATION (to the tune of "Alouette")
Suffocation takes co-ordination Anither twa we usit tae sing at church camp in Washington State: 1) [sung to the tune "Blowing in the Wind"]
How many beans in a can of Hornel 2) [sung to the tune "Pass It On"]
It only takes a raisin (That last one was a response to our camp cook, who put raisins in EVERYthing.) Gabh spòrs, --Cuilionn |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Kazoo Date: 19 Jun 98 - 10:32 PM Driving down the highway doing 77 Someone blew a big one and blew himself to heaven The car couldn't take it, the engine fell apart All because of someone's (insert persons name) Supersonic fart Fee-fi-fo-fum here comes another one two-four-six-eight everyone evacuate. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: BFP Date: 19 Jun 98 - 10:31 PM Matches, matches, M-A-T-C-H-E-S You can strike them on wood and you can strike them on glass I know a man who can strike them on his--bald head. Matches, matches, M-A-T-C-H-E-S |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: leprechaun Date: 19 Jun 98 - 02:28 PM Old man Lucas Had a lot of mucus Coming right out of his nose! He picked and he picked 'till it's makin' you sick And back again it grows! |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Carolyn Date: 19 Jun 98 - 12:18 PM One from Girl Scout Camp...
Sam, Sam, the lavatory man
Down, down, down beneath the ground |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: rechal Date: 06 Oct 97 - 01:22 PM Jerry: the mosquito song goes:
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)
Oh I'd bitty and I'd bitey under everybody's nighty
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)
And then there's
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop (bottle of pop)
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop (bottle of pop)
Oh I'd go down with a slurp and I'd come up with a BURP!
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop (bottle of pop)
There's also one about a skunk but I cant' remember all the words-- I wish I were a little striped skunk, oh, I'd something something something and I'd perfume in the breeze?
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop (bottle of pop) |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: dick greenhaus Date: 05 Oct 97 - 08:39 PM Great stuff. This thread is getting a bit lengthy, though. How about we move to: Naughty Kids' greatest hits II |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: kiwi Date: 05 Oct 97 - 06:20 PM Hi guys... I have returned after a long while away.. vanished into that great hole where marching band people go. :) Anyway, here's a little ditty I 'member from when I was in middle school: No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks / kick the tables, kick the chairs, kick the teachers down the stairs! |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bill D Date: 03 Oct 97 - 05:31 PM I remember the Skunk song as The Woodpeckers Hole...(to approximately the tune of "Dixie"
I put my finger in the Woodpeckers hole
I removed my finger from the Woodpeckers hole
I replaced my finger...etc
I rotated my finger in the woodpeckers hole
I reversed my finger in the woodpeckers hole Of course,I have NO idea what all that might mean! |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jack (who is called Jack) Date: 03 Oct 97 - 04:52 PM Here's one that I didn't know that my 5 year old just taught me.
There are two incompleat lines in the "quarter" stanza.
My mother gave me a penny
My mother gave me a nickel
My mother gave me a dime
My mother gave me a quarter
My mother gave me a dollar |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bert Date: 03 Oct 97 - 08:36 AM Jerry, Re: your "steeple" song, see "Yaw Yaw Yaw" in DT. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jerry Friedman Date: 02 Oct 97 - 11:04 PM Also at the same camp (Red Raider, in Russell Twp., for Alice and any other Clevelanders) they sang "I Took a Leg". I just took a break to see whether it was in the DT, and lo and mirabile visu, it was! It's listed as "college", but apparently it worked its way down to the single-digit ages. Tim Jaques, "Barnacle Bill" came later (so to speak), when I was about 13. Around the same time I learned, "In days of old, when knights were bold,/ And _rubbers_ weren't invented..." What are you, some kinda Canadian or some'm? |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jerry Friedman, jfriedman@nnm.cc.nm.us Date: 02 Oct 97 - 10:58 PM Hi back to you, Alice C.! I was at Lomond elementary school in Shaker Heights 1966-73. I seem to recall that Fairfax wasn't that far away. The version of "The Night of the King's Castration" I learned at Princeton in about 1980 seems to have been influenced by the counterculture, because it began, 'Twas the night of the king's castration, the night of the king's last ball. And all the counts and councillors were gathered around the council table flinging pieces of camel turd, for bullshit was unknown in those days and camel turd was the word." Also, "...but Daniel slipped in a pile of lion shit and came in fifth, losing ten points for the common people." (I wonder if this had any influence on the late Roger Zelazny, another Clevelander, who named an important character in his Amber series "Random". It's the kind of thing he'd do.) "Skunk Hole" is in the DT, with the WRONG TUNE. (It should be "Dixie", not "Turkey in the Straw".) That song and "Baby Bumblebee" remind me of this one, to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It" (later in life, it was "If you're horny and you know it, pull your pud):
Oh, I wish I was a little English sparrow, (2x) There was another verse about wishing I was a little MOSquiTO, but I don't remember the rest. At the same camp, my brother learned one that began, "I'm a camper, a dirty little camper./ I leave a trail of bug juice wherever I may go." (Bug juice = Kool-Aid et al.) This was apparently a parody of one from our mother's day: "I'm a villain, a dirty little villain." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bert Date: 02 Oct 97 - 01:47 PM I love it. We used to have a math teacher who took great delight in proving that e to the j pi = -1 |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jack (who is calle jack) Date: 02 Oct 97 - 01:40 PM This isn't naughty but the football cheer reminded me of the engineers yell. e to the x dy dx e to the x dx cosine secant tangent sine Three-point-one-four-one-five-nine square root, cube root, QED Slipstick, Slide Rule GO UC!
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Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Downeast Bob Date: 01 Oct 97 - 11:22 PM "The Night of the King's Castration" was known in Chicago circa 1950, with a few variations: "Balls, said the Queen. "If I had two, I'd be king!" "Shit!" said the Prince, "I have to, and I'm not king." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Downeast Bob Date: 01 Oct 97 - 10:46 PM "The Night of the King's Castration" was known in Chicago circa 1950, with a few variations: "Balls, said the Queen. "If I had two, I'd be king!" "Shit!" said the Prince, "I have to, and I'm not king." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Downeast Bob Date: 01 Oct 97 - 05:19 PM The way I knew it in the 50s, was:
Lulu had a steamboat; steamboat had a bell;
Bang away on Lulu, bang away all day.
Lulu had a chicken; she also had a duck;
Bang away on Lulu, bang away all day.
Lulu spilled her orange juice, Lulu broke her glass;
Bang away on Lulu, bang away all day.
Ask me no more questions; I'll tell you no more lies; |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jon W. Date: 01 Oct 97 - 12:08 PM My wife remembers the Old Notre Dame song from high school about 1970. She lived in a "dry" county in New Mexico (the buckle of the bible belt) so prohibition was still going on there. The one we sang (in California) at football games was:
For it's beer beer beer that makes us want to cheer |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: JMike Date: 01 Oct 97 - 10:35 AM Wkailey: Okay, we're even. (I like the carriages/miscarriages line). Thanks & be seeing you.
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Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Wkailey Date: 30 Sep 97 - 06:13 PM JMike, I love that line about the Princess. An invaluable addition to my collection. Thanks. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Catfeet Date: 30 Sep 97 - 04:47 PM Thanks Rechal, ever since it was mentioned, I've been trying to remember the rest of The skunk song too, and boy has it driven me crazy! :) Catfeet |
Subject: ADD: The King's Catration - The Royal Ball From: JMike Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:24 PM Wkailey In Boston circa '69 there was a highly distributed paper called "The Bloody Sheets" from somewhere (Harvard?, MIT?) with a collection of what passed for humor among us in those dark times. It contained a version of "The kings castration" which I remember as: 'Twas the night of the king's castration, the royal ball was coming off. Counts, discounts, and no-accounts stood around cameldunging each other, for in those days bullshit had not yet been invented. Everyone was having a good time except Daniel. This angered the king who ordered Daniel to come forth. However Daniel slipped on a lion turd and only came in fifth. Daniel was so angry that he picked up the turd and threw it at random. Unfortunately, Random ducked and it hit the king. "Oh SHIT!" cried the king, (for it was) and 20,000 loyal subjects squatted and grunted, for in those days the king's word was law and the king ruled with an iron hand. "Where is the princess?" asked the king. "In bed with laryngitis," said the queen. "I'll kill that frigging Greek!" said the king, "Oh well, screw the princess." And 20,000 loyal subjects were trampled in the rush, for in those days the king's word was law, and the king ruled with an iron hand. "Oh balls," said the king, not because he wanted to, but because he had two. "Balls yourself," said the queen, "If I had two, I could be king." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: rechal Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:15 AM DWDitty--here's the skunk song.
Well, I put my hand in a little skunk's hole
Well, I didn't take it out, and the little skunk said And yes, I remember the baby bumblebee song. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Date: 29 Sep 97 - 05:30 PM In the 30's it was:
Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame (I suspect it was Prohibition era, but I'm not sure.)
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Subject: In a Medievil mood From: Wkailey Date: 29 Sep 97 - 01:38 PM Here is a verse of In Days of Old that I will admit to inventing at the age of 14 or so:
In days of old I grew up in Minnesota, so perhaps I was influenced by the weather. Here is a much better little ditty on a medievil theme that I learned from my father. I think it was quite popular when he was in school (the thirties and forties). If so, it seems to show that the sophistication of our doggeral has declined perceptibly along with our educational standards. Not that all verses are that sophisticated, but a few of them are rather cleaver. There are supposedly many, many verses to this thing, but my dad, alas, only knew a few of them: The King's Castration
'Twas the night of the King's castration
"Where is Daniel?" cried the King.
"Oh shit!" cried the King
"Where is the Queen?" cried the King. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: DWDitty Date: 29 Sep 97 - 01:05 PM Can't remember much but there was one that went to the tune of "Look Away" Oh, I stuck my head in a little skunk's hole The little skunk said, "Well, bless my soul." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Ole Bull Date: 28 Sep 97 - 05:27 PM And this is part two for TJ: In days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented; they lay'd their load upon the road and went away contented. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Tim Jaques tjaques@netcom.ca Date: 28 Sep 97 - 12:04 AM We must have been naughty boys too, for we used to sing The North Atlantic Squadron and Barnacle Bill the Sailor. I think they were old navy songs kids had overheard their vet dads singing when in their cups. Certainly the lyrics contain references to activities that good children should not know about. Does anyone have the full lyrics to My Dog Jack? I can only remember the first verse. I don't know the name of the tune but it sounds to me like a southern fiddle tune. Had a little dog, his name was Jack He shit all over the railway track Train came by, the shit flew high And hit the conductor right in the eye For the person who mentioned the song or rhyme about the knight and ladies, I believe it went: In days of old when knights were bold And safes were not invented; They'd put their socks upon their cocks Thus babies were prevented. |
Subject: Lyr Add: BRINGING HOME A BABY BUMBLEBEE From: Catfeet Date: 26 Sep 97 - 07:18 PM I can't believe no one's entered this one yet, but do y'all remember BRINGING HOME A BABY BUMBLEBEE, complete with hand motions? I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so proud of me? 'Cause I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee. Ouch! It stung me! I'm smashing up my baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so proud of me? 'Cause I'm smashing up my baby bumblebee. Ooh, what a mess! I'm licking up my baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so proud of me? 'Cause I'm licking up my baby bumblebee. Ooh, I feel sick. I'm puking up my baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so proud of me? 'Cause I'm puking up my baby bumblebee. Ahhh, I feel better. This can go on indefinitely, depending on how long is left in recess, and how inventive the singer is. Catfeet
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Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: lli Date: 26 Sep 97 - 03:28 PM Those of us in elementary school in the early seventies learned this one-(sung to Frere Jacques) Marijuana, marijuana/ LSD,LSD/ College kids are making it/ High school kids are taking it/ Why can't we? Why can't we? |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: JMike Date: 26 Sep 97 - 02:24 PM Just read Susan's post, shows how folk(???) music evolves. When I was in high school in California in the early sixties we sang:
Beer, Beer for old Lemoore High, The trick was that all members of a particular class would yell out when they were mentioned. Faculty never sang along as I remember. So it was about drugs 10 years later...? |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Susan of California Date: 26 Sep 97 - 12:32 PM Autumn and college football always make me think of this one from when I was in high school, sung to the tune of one of those big University fight songs. What I remember of it is this:
Cheer cheer for old _____ High, The last line is "For the glory of being high" I know there's more, I just can't remember. Kinda tells you what era I was in high school, doesn't it? I hope todays kids are a little bit smarter than some of us were back then. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: JMike Date: 26 Sep 97 - 11:48 AM The tune is only a dim memory, but we used to sing a song called "Atlantic City" which went: I met a young girl in Atlantic last year Who every bright morning would walk to the pier. She'd dive in the water, it was smooth just like glass And give all the people a view of her ---- Antics in the water clear up to her chin And she'd never be drownded as others have been. The girl had a brother who'd dive off the dock And amuse all the people by shaking his ---- Fist at the crowd standing up on the shore The same shore he'd stood on a moment before. There were a couple more verses but I can't remember the setups for the "dirty" parts.
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Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jon W. Date: 26 Sep 97 - 10:45 AM The ears/boobs/etc. hang low song is sung to Turkey in the Straw. The third line, according to my wife and daughters from girl's camp, goes: "Can you throw them o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier?" |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Nonie Rider Date: 25 Sep 97 - 05:08 PM Oh, lord, I'd forgotten "Found a peanut..." Single most tedious song this side of "A Hundred Bottles of Beer." How 'bout: I wish I was a hinecerarious A rappapotanamy, A ha ha ha ha But since I'm not, and never can hope to be A hinecerarious, A rappapotanamy I'm an egghead, I'm a junebug, And I'd rather bash my head against a wall Boo-hoo! (I presume the long words were a spinoff on "rhinocerus" and "hippopotamus"...) And then there's all the balls/boobs/body-parts variations on: Do your (ears) hang low, do they wobble to and fro, Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow, Can you throw 'em over your shoulders and (something) Do your ears hang low? --Nonie |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jon W. Date: 25 Sep 97 - 12:37 PM two more for Found a peanut: Went below... Shoveling coal... Also I just realized that the song I mentioned in the other kid's song thread and posted in yet another thread about sewer..suicide, etc. is a variation on the one that Laura and Alice posted just above, variation of Miss Lucy which Earl (12-Sep-97 in this thread) posted, with the tune name of "Good Night Ladies." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bert Date: 25 Sep 97 - 09:18 AM Of course, after hospital there should have been the word "equipment" |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bert Date: 25 Sep 97 - 09:15 AM When we used to sing 'Found a peanut', after the verse ate it anyway... it went.... got the bellyache... went to hospital... Cut him open... found the peanut... sew him upagain... lost the scalpel... cut him open... found the scalpel... sew him upagain... and so on for every imaginable piece of hospital that could get lost |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Laura and Alice C. Date: 24 Sep 97 - 10:46 PM Hi again--here's a submission from Laura, who grew up in West Virginia in the '70's. Same tune as Miss Lucy (what IS this tune, anyhow??)
I woke up Sunday morning, and looked up on the wall,
The score was six to nothing, the beetles were ahead,
I fell into the sewer, and that is where I died,
My mother is a German, my father is a spy, This was done to handclaps. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Alice C. (of Cleveland) Date: 24 Sep 97 - 10:18 PM Hi there--and especially to Jerry Friedman who does indeed remember the same local versions as I do! How delightful. I was at Fairfax Elementary1971-76. And you? I remember the rest of "Found a Peanut": Went to heaven... Kicked an angel... (or, slugged Saint Peter...) Went "the other way"... Kicked the devil... Back to heaven... Wouldn't take me... ---then, SOME kids went on with-- Back to earth... Found a peanut... The whole wretched thing could become a circle! I never heard it sung more than once through, though. Small mercies. Hey, does anyone else remember this playground taunt -- let's say you want to embarass two other kids named Richard and Kathy: Kathy loves Richard, Sittin' in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, Then comes marriage, Then comes Kathy with the baby carriage! Suckin' her thumb, Chewin' her pants, Doin' the hootchy-kootchy dance! |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Bill D Date: 24 Sep 97 - 07:06 PM Many years ago, there was a bill in Congress to allow the addition of horse meat to some human foods...the late Senator Everett Dirkson, he of the greatest gravelly voice in recorded history, got up on the floor of the Senate, and sang
"The old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be the bill was defeated..... |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jerry Friedman, jfriedman@nnm.cc.nm.us Date: 24 Sep 97 - 05:31 PM "On Top of Spaghetti" is in the DT, credited to Tom Glaser. The version of "Bingo" in the DT says you _mouth_ the missing letters. Heresy! You _clap_ for the missing letters! In my childhood the older kids (camp couselors) daringly sang, "There was a drummer had a drum, and Ringo was his name oh." For a truly boring parody, there was always "Found a Peanut" (to the tune of Clementine):
Found a peanut, found a peanut, Cracked it open... It was rotten... Ate it anyway... So I died... Went to heaven... Saw St. Peter... (I think there's more--hell gets in there somewhere.)
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Subject: Lyr Add: WEELA WALLIA From: Wolfgang (Hell) Date: 24 Sep 97 - 06:01 AM Tim Jaques mentioned a cruel Irish song, here it is (well, my version is one of many, even the titles are different) Weela Wallia (aka Down by the river Sallia aka Down by the river side-O)
1. There was an old woman who lived in the woods, weela weela wallia, |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Akiba Date: 22 Sep 97 - 08:46 PM On top of spaghetti, All covered with sauce, I lost my poor meatball When somebody coughed. It rolled off the table, It rolled on the floor, And the last time I saw it, It rolled out the door. (Kosher version -- no mixing of meat & dairy, -- like meatball & cheese.) This probably has the same ending you were hinting at, O.B. Akiba |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Ole Bull Date: 22 Sep 97 - 08:26 PM On top of spaghetti, All covered with cheese; I lost my poor meatball, When somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, It rolled down the hall... something, something.... It seems as if top honors above (the favorite) is Miss Lucy's steamboat song. Am I correct in believing that that is an evolution of the 1840's minstrel song "Lucy Long"? |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Wkailey Date: 22 Sep 97 - 03:16 PM I am surprised that no one ever added more verses to the good ol' Commet song. It's a very extensible concept. Here are some suggestions: Commet will make your bathroom stink, Commet will make your hair turn pink! Commet will make you vomit, &c. Commet is made of rotten cheese, Commet will make you cough and weeze &c, &c. |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: lli Date: 22 Sep 97 - 03:14 PM There's one I remember just the end- "Hasten, Jason, get the basin/ Oops, slop, get the mop." |
Subject: RE: Naughty kids'greatest hits From: Jon W. Date: 22 Sep 97 - 02:53 PM Variations of two songs mentioned above:
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg |
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