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BS: Blonde Jokes
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Ely Date: 13 Apr 03 - 04:53 PM We just substitute "Aggie" here in Texas (as in, a student of Texas A&M University). Q: How many Aggies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? A: Six--one to read the recipe and five to shell the M&M's. Q: Why was the lady Aggie's bellybutton bruised? A: Her husband was an Aggie, too. (Yes, that one's crass but it evens the gender thing slightly) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: GUEST Date: 12 Apr 03 - 11:41 PM Q. How do blondes get pregnant? A. And you call them dumb! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Cllr Date: 12 Apr 03 - 06:35 PM I just watched "legally blonde" again Excellent film Incidentally did you hear about the blonde who walked into the bar and asked for a double entenre so the barman gave her one. Cllr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Bill D Date: 12 Apr 03 - 06:13 PM all negative stereotypes have 'some' foundation in reality, even though they are exaggerated and the source of the foundation is mis-understood by most joke tellers. with blondes, we get a situation where many shallow, dumb, impressionable women buy into the idea that being 'blond' is the best way to impress and 'get'....and so we get LOTS cases of the saddest behavior being done by, and associated with blonds..(often EXTREME blonds with platinum-dyed locks that get attention if not respect)(Can you imagine Anna Nicole Smith getting her own TV program if she were not BOTH blond and _______?.) It is simply a hook to aid in the over-simplification which so many are drawn to. If a NON-blond does the same thing, you have to work to find another stereotyped category to fit her in, and it usually doesn't carry the same weight. When I hear a 'blond' joke, I sort of mentally substitute 'shallow, inept, sad creature who doesn't even try to comprehend the way the world works'....(I never took Polack joes seriously either, though there were some very funny images in them) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Amos Date: 12 Apr 03 - 05:53 PM "...and says, 'Take me to your Leader.'." (Gee it's funny already!) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Blackcatter Date: 12 Apr 03 - 05:07 PM Sounds good to me Walrus! What's the rest? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: The Walrus Date: 12 Apr 03 - 04:19 PM OK, if people are as worried about '-isms', This Martian walks into a bar..... Walrus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Cllr Date: 12 Apr 03 - 12:47 PM -I thought it was a jealousy thing cos'everyone knows blonds have more fun (Except possibly Blackcatter) ** runs and ducks ** Cllr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Blackcatter Date: 11 Apr 03 - 06:08 PM Agreed Mark. I already do. If you want to poke fun at stupid people - say stupid people. Otherwise you've just "P.C.ed" your joke from the Ni**er jokes I grew up hearing. Sure, I know people don't hate blondes like people can be racist, but face it, blondes are no dumber than any other hair color so stereotypes don't even make any sense. There are cultural norms that can be funny - without being insulting in general, but you're just making fun of blondes because it's "safe." Same thing with "rednecks." I am blonde. I have a B.A., an M.A., own my own successful business and am well-known in my community as a historian who is regularly called on to lecture at the university and other groups, I've had articles published in magazines, I am a board member of my church, and have worked for local elections. Quit insulting me because I'm blonde. If you write me off as being too uptight, fine - that's your choice, but just because you don't think something is hurtful, doesn't mean that you're right. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Mark Clark Date: 11 Apr 03 - 04:20 PM Okay, then… let's ban all forms of humor that unfairly poke fun at another person or group. - Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: PaulBobbyBuzz Date: 11 Apr 03 - 01:38 PM Ever notice...unless I'm mistaken, and for sure I don't have time to search through this thread to see if my assertion is right... blond(e) jokes are actually blond(e) "women" jokes? So let's just call it what it is...misogyny. pbb |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: GUEST,Foe Date: 11 Apr 03 - 08:52 AM A blonde is walking along a river. See sees another blonde on the other bank and yells over. "Yoo-hoo. How do I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up and then down the river and then yells back. "You are on the other side!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Nigel Parsons Date: 11 Apr 03 - 06:26 AM Three blondes were at University (don't ask how, this is just a joke!) and were given the task of measuring the height of the flagpole in the 'Quad'. Out they went with a surveyor's tape measure, ladders, rope, etc., but couldn't manage the problem (they fell off the ladders, they couldn't get the tape up etc.,) A passing engineering student watches all this then comes over and removes the top pin from the pole support, and lowers the flagpole to the ground. He quickly measures it using the tape, and re-erects the flagpole, handing the measurement to one of the blondes. She turns to her friends and says: "Typical engineer, we need the height, he measures the length!" Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Cllr Date: 11 Apr 03 - 05:25 AM Spaw the blonde jokes you printed are what we call Essex girl jokes. the difference between Blonde jokes ans Essex girl jokes is that essex girl jokes are usually stupid and promisciously sexual in nature while blonde jokes are usually to do with just stupid behaviour. as in Q)Whats the difference between an essex girl and a washing machine? A) you can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Mark Clark Date: 11 Apr 03 - 12:33 AM A blonde, tired of being thought stupid and wanting some respect, had her hair color changed to brunette; hair, eyebrows, everything. Sure enough, she started getting more respect and decided to take a drive in the country to celebrate. Eventually, she came upon a farmer mending a fence near the road. In the pasture behind the farmer was a large flock of sheep. She stoped the car and walked over to talk with the farmer. “If I can guess how many sheep are in that flock over there, will you give me one?”, the girl asked. The farmer thought it a strange request but figured there was little chance she would guess correctly so he agreed. “Three hundred eighty-seven!” exclaimed the girl. The farmer's jaw dropped in amazement. “That's exactly right.” he said. “Go on over and pick out the one you want.” The girl was carrying the animal back to her car when the farmer looked up and called out to her, “Say, if I can guess your natural hair color, will you bring my dog back?” - Mark |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Apr 03 - 12:11 AM p.j., that's priceless. Made it worthwhile to come back to check out the thread! SRS (a blonde, by the way, in case SC didn't figure that out) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Amos Date: 10 Apr 03 - 11:02 PM Awww, pj, you're just a wonder!!! LOL all over my pore keyboard!! So lemme get this straight -- he was right? The top was down? I can't believe I am hearing this!!! RoTFLMAO! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: GUEST,Q Date: 10 Apr 03 - 10:46 PM Lovely story, P.J. My chuckle of the day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Blackcatter Date: 10 Apr 03 - 10:02 PM You know why brunettes tell blonde jokes? They have to have something to do on Saturday night. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? So it's more comfortable when their brunette friends come and cry on their shoulder when their dumped for the 50th time. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't know - we always get our brunette friends to change them for us. Why do blondes let brunettes think their stupid? Man, pity pays big! Why to brunettes think blondes are so dumb? They've got to delude themselves that they're better than somebody. Why do blondes say that they have more fun? Because everyone else knows it's true. Why do blondes allow "dumb blonde" jokes? They know it takes the pressure off the Kykes, Wops, Hebes, Spics, Polocks, Homos, Mics, Red Injuns, Slant-eyes, Chinks, and everyone else that people "used" to like to make fun of. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: p.j. Date: 10 Apr 03 - 09:28 PM okay okay okay okay okay.... so like I can't stand it any LONGer? yaKNOW? So I have to tell you about this ACTUAL BLONDE MOMENT from a few years ago. Not a joke (sorry Sandy Creek) but, like, what-EVER.... It was my quintessential blonde moment and I have to share it with the class. So I'm driving to a gig across a long, fairly deserted stretch of highway in the S.F. Bay Area (Hwy 37 for those of you keeping score at home...) ...by the way, this reminds me that during televised soccer games a friend of mine used to yell "...he shoots, he SCOOOOORES... he goes home with a blonde, he SCOOOOORES..." ...but I digress... So I'm driving to this gig and I hear a funny sound under my car and I think maybe I'm dragging something, and I pull over and get out and look under the car. Nothing. Then I go back to get in and realize that I've instinctively locked my door before closing it, and the car is still running. Idiot. Fine. I hike back several miles to the nearest payphone and call AAA (the emergency road service.) I explain that I have locked my keys in the car while it is still running and I need them to come and jimmy the lock. They ask the usual questions so that they can locate the car... "Where is the vehicle, ma'am?" the dispatcher inquires. "On Hwy 37 about 3 miles east of Sears Point Rd." I responded. "And what does the vehicle look like?" he says. "It's a white Chrysler convertable." says I. There was a pause. "Ma'am..." he says, "The top is up, right??" I swear, if I could have reached through the receiver and grabbed this Jethro by the ears, I would have pulled him and his clever little eyelash-batting-blonde-detector through the phone, and pounded his head on the counter of the 7-11 like a Warner Bros. cartoon at that very moment. The THOUGHT of him sitting there at his AAA dispatch desk, seriously trying to confirm that the girl on the phone had not actually "locked" her keys in the convertible WITH THE TOP DOWN, then hiked 3 miles to call emergency road service... I still want to take a hostage when I think about it! :o) Okay, maybe I have some issues...but I'm in a 12-step program now. (Although each of the 12 steps are really tiny, because you can't take big steps in these platform stilettos with the ankle straps...) p.j. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Sandy Creek Date: 10 Apr 03 - 04:54 PM Spaw...wonderful! Not a bad one in the lot. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: GUEST,Lyle Date: 10 Apr 03 - 04:11 PM Q: Why do blondes have brown feet? A: From stomping the s**t out of people who tell blonde jokes. Lyle |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Apr 03 - 02:37 PM Well, let's get rid of the lewd ones right away........... Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab. Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom? A: Adjust the steering wheel. Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel? A: She was trying to blow the horn. Q: Why does a blonde wear panties? A: To keep her ankles warm. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They are both screwed when they're on their back. Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out? A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes. Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra? A: Thanks for the refill. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum) Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How does a blonde part their hair? A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilized. Q: How do you drown a blond? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Pseudolus Date: 10 Apr 03 - 02:18 PM After finally getting fed up with all of the blonde jokes in her office this blonde goes home and decides to do something about it. She memorizes the capitals of all fifty states and goes back to work the next day ready. A co-worker starts to tell a dumb blonde joke and she stops him and says, "Hey, I'm not as dumb as you think I am! I know the capital of every state in the US, just ask me!!" The co-worker, trying to control his laughter says, "OK, what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde proudly responds......"W"! Frank |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: GUEST,Q Date: 10 Apr 03 - 02:08 PM Blonde (notice the e) goes into unisex barbershop. Asks for a cut, but says that she can't remove the headphone set she is wearing. Hair dresser says OK, I'll do my best. The phone rings in the back of the shop and the barber runs to answer, accidentally knocking off the head phone. When he comes back, the blonde is dead. After he calls 911, he listens to the headset out of curiosity. Breathe in-----, breathe out------; breathe in------, breathe out------ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes From: Beccy Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:53 PM I claim the right to tell these jokes on the basis that my Mom, brother, husband and 3 sons are all blonde and THEY think they're funny. Disclaimer aside: Q.) How do you drown a blonde? A.) Put scratch and sniff stickers on the bottom of a full tub. |
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Subject: RE: Blonde Jokes From: Inükshük Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:43 PM Policeman: Lady, if you don't put your breast back in your dress I will have to cite you for indecent exposure. Blonde: Damn! I must have left the baby on the bus again. |
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Subject: RE: Blonde Jokes From: Wesley S Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:36 PM Can we replace the word "blonde" with "Sandy Creek"? How do you know that "Sandy Creek" has been using your computer ? Because of the white out on the screen. |
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Subject: RE: Blonde Jokes From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:33 PM I hate blonde jokes. That request belongs the BS list if a trash bin isn't available. |
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Subject: Blonde Jokes From: Sandy Creek Date: 10 Apr 03 - 01:29 PM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'I need some top-of-th-line Blonde Jokes (clean, risque, or downright nasty) for an article that I am doing for a humor magazine and some newspaper articles. C'mon, 'Catters, lay 'em on me. |
