BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 May 09 - 09:49 PM

I had one 5 years ago. Doing without alcohol for 4 days was an interesting experiment, and I am happy to say that I did not experience any craving. Despite my faithfully following the instructions (living on Sprite & bouillon and all that jazz), I was told that the doctor could not see much. The nurse warned me that the sedative would cause amnesia, but evidently she did not warn the doctor, so (I was later told) he told me a number of things I did not remember.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 14 May 09 - 07:05 PM

I've always consider gynecology of more interest. To me, it's just a fascinating area.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 14 May 09 - 02:55 PM

Amos... no shortage of assholes?

Hope my post doesn't get deleted this time... ????

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 09 - 02:39 PM

It's a good field with plenty of openings.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 14 May 09 - 01:54 PM

I had the drugs for both of mine. The worst part was watching them roll up the controls and drape the tubes and attachments over me. There was something that looked kind of like a drain snake.
The procedure itself is mostly a non-memory.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 14 May 09 - 12:08 AM

Which one is Spaw and which, if either, is Gnu? Some of us don't know you all......great song.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:15 PM

Dunno if this was posted previously... a buddy of mine who shant be named just sent me a link regarding the topic...

SPAW

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 08 - 09:19 AM

Well, they didn't use THAT scope on me! Why don't they check them and discard the ones that puncture the intestinal wall? I mean, I would. I'd think that they'd be dangerous just to keep around.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 08 - 06:27 AM

Rap... there is also a tendency to flinch when the air is pumped in as well as during the insertionsssssss. Drugs lessen or eliminate flinching and the corresponding chance of the scope roughing up or puncturing the colon wall. I understand that punctures are about one per thousand scopes... anybody have the correct number?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 11:59 PM

People tend to fight having things inserted into bodily orifices. The drugs are to relax you so that the docs can get the job done with the least amount of trouble.

And that's fine with me, man. Like, you know, it was, you know, like, groovy and all. I think I saw god and she's cool with it, you know, the flowers and all.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 11:02 PM

I hated absolutely everything to do with my colonoscopy. First - the crap they give you to drink the night before .....it was absolutely foul. I didn't mind the not eating bit stuff but that stuff to drink was just horrible. I was supposed to be awake for the procedure, which I guess is the norm. MY norm is to weep pitifully when something I don't like is about to happen.......I lay there snivelling quietly and this angel from heaven, aka the colonoscopy guy asked me if I wanted to go to sleep. The most wonderful words I ever heard.! I woke up - it was done.....I swore I'd never have another but I suspect I will.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 10:52 PM

Well, I clicked on the ad below headed "Constipation Is Deadly" and it says "Death begins in the colon." Dang, but the French Revolution could have saved a lot of effort if they'd only known that!

When I was under the influence I vaguely remember the Doc showing me some pictures on a monitor. I think I sort of agreed with whatever he said. Fortunately, he also printed the pictures out so I now vaguely remember seeing them on the report.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 04:53 PM

I forgot, gnu...

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 03:16 PM

SINS.... what don't you get?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Jan 08 - 01:59 PM

I don't get it. The drugs wore off. I got up and dressed after a cookie and juice which I didn't want. Then Tami took me home. I remember it all including a noisy recovery room full of people farting long and loud. Some were messed up by the drugs. One guy went out to his ride in a wheel chair.

The first time I had one I was awake throught he entire procedure. My nephew met me, walked me to the subway and I went home mildly high but so was half of NYC.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 04:14 PM

Normally I'd agree, LtS, but this time no. Once every five years or so is plenty for one opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 08:40 AM

Clean as a whistle.... has anyone actually looked inside a whistle recently? I did just that about 10 mins ago and it's disgusting. If I were you Rap, I'd get a second opinion!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 08:35 AM

Oh, yeah -- let us know how it goes!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 08:34 AM

Dang, I forgot to ask him if it was clean enough in there that he'd eat off the floor.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 09:44 PM

That first time, I had to:

1. Drink a liter of liquid laxative (sodium citrate, I think it was), once in the morning and once in the evening
2. Take six (6) laxative pills (Dulcolax, I think), one every four hours
3. Insert two laxative suppositories, one in the early afternoon and one before going to bed
4. Give myself an enema at noon.

During this entire time I was on clear liquids, not to mention the toilet.

It really was about as civilized as it can get this time: 4 pills all at once in the morning, another pill at 3:30 p.m., two quarts of PEG (polyethelene glycol) at 4:00 p.m. There was little cramping; it was more like turning on a faucet.

And I was, according to the doctor, "clean as a whistle inside."

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: iancarterb
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 09:34 PM

Hadn't thought of anything to be grateful for after fasting most of today and being 750 mils down on a required liter of laxative before a colonoscopy tomorrow morning, but not having had to do a self applied enema is definitely a plus. Thanks, Rapaire.
Carter B

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:00 PM

That's what I say when people act surprised at how old I am: "Well, considering the alternative...."

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 05:53 PM

But still far better than the possible alternative.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 05:52 PM

I've had this nonsense done before: first in 1991, then in 2002, and today. Each time they took out an eensy-weensy polyp or two. The first time they never invited me back, which hurt my feelings very badly. The second time I was unemployed but still had insurance and the doc suggested it because of my age (I'm over 172 years old). And this time it was done because the previous one was five years ago.

The first time the prep was BLOODY GODDAM AWFUL!! I had to give myself an enema, for instance. The second time the prep wasn't fun, but it was a lot better than the first time. This time is was nearly, but only nearly, civilized.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 04:47 PM

You are in the Five Year Club!!! Great news!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 04:31 PM

Yes, I am fully aware that Odysseus was married to Penelope....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 04:18 PM

No, I'll bet his wife waited for him as Cassandra waited for Odysseus. I'll be when the procedure was over his wife loaded him in the car, went to the Post Office, then went to City Hall to vote en absentia, then took him to McDonald's for a bite of breakfast (and ambrosia it was!) and then took him home where he slept for four hours.

I'll also be they removed two small (<2mm each), benign polyps and told him to "haul [his] ass the hell outa there and don't come back for five years, unless you have some kind of trouble."

That's the way I'd bet.

Any takers? I'll betcha double or nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 03:58 PM

Do you suppose he went straight to the all-you-can-eat buffet and is gonna stay?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 03:28 PM

Hopefully it's just a case of the doctors talking among themselves:

Dr. 1: "You say this guy did all of the purging and fasting, right?"

Dr. 2: "Yup. Guy's good a following directions. Gets a little carried away with detail at times, but I'm sure he did it right."

Dr. 1: "Then we have one for the record books. This guy really is full of sh*t!"

Nurse: "You ladies haven't been reading that MOAB thread, have you, or you'd know that without looking up this guy's backside."

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 03:11 PM

Hahahahaha!!!! Hmmmm... nah...

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 02:59 PM

Do you reckon they've finished yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 02:51 PM

Closin in on five hours, innit?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:49 AM

gnu - All I wanted afterwards was home made pea soup. That's the first thing I can remember - sitting in the recliner eating soup.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:38 AM

God speed dear friend.

jac... that's all I could do beforehand, but, after I came home, I wasn't quite as ravenous. First thing I went for was a hot cup of tea or three.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:25 AM

Good luck lad - just think about what you are going to eat when you get finished.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:10 AM

I'll be there in 90 minutes or so.

While I know that it might be hard to believe,

I'M #$##!! HUNGRY!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 09:59 PM

keep us informed

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 08:37 PM

Ah, some good gnus and soon some rapaires done as necessary!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 07:35 PM

Uuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh....

IT has started. And I've enjoyed some more delicious, filling, Yellow Jello! Oh, boy, was it good! For dinner I think I'll enjoy a nice cup of chicken broth! And more jello for a before bed snack (I think I'll be sleeping the toilet).

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 06:32 PM

Rap?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 05:07 PM

A brace of them.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 05:01 PM

Figures.. I have some sleeping pills that warn me 'may cause drowsiness'... well I should damned well hope so, that's why I was prescribed them!

Brace for impact....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 04:54 PM

Well, all good things must end. In 30 minutes I take the second round of meds and an hour after that start drinking. I think things will happen rather quickly (and for most of the night) after that.

I checked these meds online and would you believe that one of the possible side effects is diarrhea? Why, I couldn't believe it! And here I thought it would be constipation or priapism or baldness or something. Laxatives might cause diarrhea! Who woulda thunk it?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 01:52 PM

Gee... quite different from what I had to do. I hope the results are less "unsettling" for you. Screen door stuff for me.

But, I hope you pass your test with flying colours. That's what really matters in the end.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 01:44 PM

I took the first pills at 8 a.m., I'm due to take another at 3:30 and two quarts of polyethelene glycol from 4:30 to 6:30. So far nothing much has happened, but I expect that to change at any moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 01:24 PM

So Rap.... what time do you take your medicine?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 10:56 AM

buttock up?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 10:42 AM

Pucker up buttercup.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 09:09 AM

It's an hour until I start the prep.

Last night we went to a new restaurant for dinner. We very much enjoyed the tapas, the wine, and the dessert (creme brulee for me, lemon tart with a pine-nut crust for Pat) and yes, we'll go there again!

You'd drive right by if you didn't know, as you would the brew pub. Both are down in the "Warehouse District" (part of which used to also be the "Whorehouse District").

Don Aslett is putting a Cleaning Museum there, too. He's brought a horse-drawn vacuum cleaner from London as an exhibit, among other things. He's also building a full-sized Ark in the back. Well...it's his millions.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 08:25 AM

We're thinking of you Rap...........

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Jan 08 - 05:25 AM

Something's running down my leg; I hope it's sweat!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 06:45 PM

Not even a bubble and squeaky.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 06:43 PM

Recovery Ward has been fitted with special PortaPottys - they have grab rails and a fridge full of TP.

Good luck chaps... and remember, never trust a fart!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 06:33 PM

My brother had one of these. During the laxative prep we had to tie him to a post or he would have disappeared entirely.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 04:04 PM

Well your radiator won't freeze.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 04:01 PM

Flush on brave soldier.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 03:42 PM

I have mellow yellow jellow, broth made from free-range chickens, lemon sherbet without dairy products, Gatorade (without red coloring), Pedialyte, Sprite soda, white tea, and, I found to my disgust, Mountain Dew soda. And water. I take four (4) Biscodyl tablets (a/k/a "Black Draught") at 8 a.m. and the fun will start shortly thereafter. At 4 p.m. or so I have to drink 2 quarts of polyethylene glycol in two hours, and between the two events I have to take a "Reglan" tablet.

The city is putting an extra shift on the waste water treatment plant.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 12:27 PM

I saw the recovery room thread first. Always getting things bassackwards, eh?

Rap.... if you have the two drink minimum (the sodium phosphates), a bit of advice. Drink the second bottle about 5 1/2 hours before the procedure even if "they" say four hours, and ONLY drink water after midnight, even if "they" say you can mix it with juice or soda. This means you can get an hour or so of sleep in between the second bottle effects and heading for the hospital. And, it means "all clear" fer sure, fer sure. Even clear soda... that thar carbon dioxide don't just make ya burp, right, eh, knowwhatImean?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 11:53 AM

As long as it doesn't turn into that Johnny Cash favourite - burning ring of fire...


I guess this warrants opening up the Recovery Ward again.... see you in there.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 11:02 AM

Is that the Pantsdown Races, Rap?
G

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 08 - 10:43 AM

Well, I start my own prep in 23 hours and 15 minutes. And I am reminded of the old Stephen Foster refrain

...Gwine ta run all night, gwine ta run all day...

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 03:22 PM

I love that, thanks Rap

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 03:00 PM

Thoughts About Oysters
By Kaye Starbird

An oyster has no hands or feet
To put itself in motion.
It never waves or runs to meet
Companions in the ocean.
It has no mouth or nose or eyes
Like other water creatures,
Which makes it hard to recognize
An oyster by its features.
An oyster can't go any place.
It huddles in it's shell;
And, though it hasn't got a face,
I guess it's just as well.
An oyster's personality
Is dull beyond expression;
And meeting oysters suddenly
You get a poor impression.
The gayest oyster never spends
It's time in fun or roistering,
Which means an oyster's only friends
Are people who go an' oystering.
The people greet it with a knife
And lemon juice---and therefore
I often think an oyster's life
Is not a life I'd care for.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 02:51 PM

Hehehehe. Thanks all.

Not to single anyone out, but, Jeri... that means a lot to me. I was elated to make the varsity squat rather than being a freshman on annual probeation.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 10:28 AM

Good to see that the Gnu is back AND in his usual good form. Oysters it is.


The Walrus and The Carpenter

Lewis Carroll
(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)


The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.


The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"


The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.


The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"


"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.


"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."


The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.


But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.


Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.


The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.


"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."


"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.


"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."


"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?


"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"


"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"


"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.


"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jan 08 - 09:19 AM

Just remember what Kendall is always saying:

Never trust a fart.... to which I would add, especially an old one!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Greg B
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:13 PM

I forget who the comedian was, re: prostate exam:

Doc: Does that hurt?
Patient: Au contraire, blue-eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 07:33 PM

we ure are a bunch of old farts..
nest we will be talking about our operations,
arthritis, rheumatism, etc.

oh, we already are...

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 06:26 PM

This thread keeps reminding me of old songs....

You must remember this part
A fart is not a fart....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 05:37 PM

Come Sunday, you'll be passing on everything. BTW, a fart is not necesarrily a fart, but, at our age,,,,, no,really, this stuff ages you in minutes.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 05:11 PM

Well, they used to salt the mines by firing a shotgun loaded with gold dust at the walls. But I think I'll pass on that.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM

Iron pyrites

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 03:43 PM

Maybe just before I go in for the thing I'll swallow a little gold shavings and salt the mine, so to speak. Or glitter. Might as well be fashionable.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Schantieman
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 02:32 PM

"The colon is hard to live without"

...but can you manage with a semicolon?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:54 PM

It does kinda put a new meaning on the expression "oh, bugger"...sorry, I'll go and get my coat...

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:32 PM

So is beer, jac, but, it may qualify as a blood thinner, so, "don't ask, don't tell", eh.

Peace... nuts! I absolutely love peanuts. I can eat em until the cows go mad. However, as you are no doubt aware, they are not so good for lads our age. In your case, it might be bad for the hips. The wear and tear, I mean, on both your hips and hers. In my case, it's the arthritis in my hands. I can't even eat a peanut butter sandwich without thinking about oysters. Anyway, the Blue Jays love em. Thanks, buddy.

BTW, I didn't say shit to old Doc Murphy as he was in a good mood this AM and I was scared, on accounta the prep nurse put the IV stint (stint? right?) in the right arm at the elbow crook. Then, the OR nurse (well, it's a "procedure room") put the pressure cuff of the automatic monitor on the right arm.

Bad situation because because my arm is "Ahhnold". I had visions of the cuff slipping over the stint and mangling my vein. I pulled it as close to my shoulder as I could and she said, kinda huffy like, "It's fine." I think her poor mood was raised when, earlier, after she wheeled over the cart, I looked at the apparati and quipped, "You did put that on defrost already, eh?" I suppose, when you have to deal with assholes all day long, you might end up with a shitty sense of humour.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 01:28 PM

Vodka, gin, white whiskey, moonshine....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 12:43 PM

Gnu - it's all over and done with and np problems! Almost worth the prep - that stuff is AWFUL! With everything else that's going on you'd think they could try and make it more palatable but.......

By the way, white wine does qualify as a clear liquid, doesn't it? It didn't seem to be on the prohibited list.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 12:37 PM

Still wish the prep was better, nicer, and not such a load of shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: redsnapper
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 12:28 PM

Like BillD I've had this a couple of times, the first with a polypectomy and the second, a few months ago, with all clear. Not pain or problem either time and I remained awake. Also walked out after an hour's recovery, ate something and drank a pint of beer both times.

This is a very valuable procedure I do not worry about any more.

RS

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:58 AM

Gnu, I'm sending you a few pounds of peanuts. ENJOY!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:44 AM

He said the whole hospital could hear it Art.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:39 AM

Jenn says, "tell him he has a start on his weight-loss program...and mazel tov, we're glad to hear it."

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:34 AM

Now you can sing:

Abuse youself, because you're in the pink....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:29 AM

Gnu, you don't know how happy I am that your colon is in good shape.

Really... you DON'T.

Seriously, congrats! I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal in celebration.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:11 AM

Ol' Gnu is polyp free
Do da, do da,
Ol' Gnu is polyp free
Oh dee do da day.

He had the runs all night,
He had the runs all day,
But Ol' Gnu is polyp free
Oh dee do dah day.
          --Freezin' Stephen, 1846

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:11 AM

The doctor's eye view .
G

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: maeve
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:08 AM

Hurrah! Thanks for posting so quickly!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:03 AM

You're late, did the doctor get a little behind in his work?

G

Great news

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 09:02 AM

Eat ALL of it. You deserve it. And congratulations!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 08:57 AM

Hail the colorectal surgeon, working where the sun don't shine... Bowser & Blue.

He agreed not to give me too much drugs because I was worried about laying my head down on the left side due to the recent parotidectomy. So, I got to watch the video. When he was at full bore, he said, "Oh my." I asked, "Oh my what?" He said. "It's not too often I see such improvement. You just made the five year club. Congrtulations."

Thanks for the kind words, laughs, stories and advice.

Good lord this hot cup of tea tastes good. I am having an awfully tough time deciding on what to eat first.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 08:51 AM

Enemas
Trapped between the pages of my mind
Enemas
The stuff that's coming out just ain't like wine....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 08:30 AM

And it will all be happening right now...................

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 08:26 AM

Its a shitty job, but somebody has to do it.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: maeve
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 06:11 AM

Take care, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 03:01 AM

joke, but,

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 08 - 02:45 AM

I, too, am "in" at 07:30h, procedure at 08:00h. It is now 03:40h. I was to take the second dose of sodium phosphates at 04:00h, but, I had so much fun between 16:00h and 19:00h, I just couldn't wait. Took it about twenty minutes ago, so, pretty soon, I won't be able to wait again for a couple of hours.

Halt. Who goes there? Friend or enema?

Yeah, I know it's an old

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:35 PM

I'm going to get Versed and something else -- Valium, I think they said. I want to be relaxed and happy, man...like, love, flowers, ya know....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:16 PM

Drugs? I didn't get no stinkin drugs. You mean its supposed to be fun?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:41 PM

Well, the prep isn't pleasant, that's for damned sure. And the so-called "virtual colonoscopy," which is supposed to make things easier on the patient, requires the same prep as the real one (and medically it's not as effective).

I understand the necessity for the prep, but I sure ain't lookin' forward to it. I can think of lots better ways to spend Sunday than with self-induced squitters. And I'm gonna be really, really hungry as well.

Actually, I deliberately chose early (show up at 7:30 a.m.) on a Monday so that I could do the prep Sunday and get the crappy job over with as quickly as possible and as soon as possible.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 07:16 PM

Gnu goes in--or rather the doctor goes in tomorrow, I think.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: astro
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 07:15 PM

Well, just had mine too. I got to a count of two
and that was it...I woke up to the bed being moved
and asked when they would get to it and was told
it was got to. Weird feeling to know that people
were messing with me and totally unaware.

I think the prep is like water boarding...a lot like
torture...

astro

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 07:12 PM

Any gnus yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:29 PM

As bobad, I've had one fully awake and without anything to ease the pain so as for the "ins and outs" of the grusome procedue the "out" part is a lot better than the "in" part...

B;(

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:26 PM

aI wqanted to stay awake so i could watch, but after the first few
minutes i was so uncomfortabellmostly from the bloating feeling...
i think they pump air into you to hold the space open for the camera
to move around in..i thought i was gonna float away. they gave me the option of doing the procedure with out the sedative...but inserted an i.v. in case i changed my mind and wanted it..which i did...i wonder
if they video tape the "show" so you can watch later after you regain
consciousness...i did get a dvd of an M.R.I. i had...and a cat scan.

not an oscar-nominated flick, i'm afraid.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:21 PM

The colon is hard to live without, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:20 PM

Rabbi, I can live with that!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rabbi-Sol
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:08 PM

A Colonoscopy examination of the entire colon, if done by a skilled gastroenterologist or colo-rectal surgeon should take no more than 20 minutes. If polyps have to be removed and cauterized add another 10 minutes. The main reason for general anesthesia is to prevent perforation of the colon should the patient make a sudden move during the procedure. Should perforation occur, immediate emergency surgery would be required to repair it.

                                                    SOL

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:04 PM

And a carljungoscopy will explain what freud meant!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:54 PM

And a sigmundfreudoscopy illuminates the twists and turns of your mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:24 PM

A colonoscopy examines the entire colon about 4 to 5 feet worth and two 90 degree turns (which is what usually causes the pain) whereas a sigmoidoscopy looks at the final 2 feet and no turns.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:01 PM

Strange...I've had 3, and no one ever suggested drugs. I drove myself, had the procedure and walked out and drove home. It was not 'fun', but not really painful...just an odd form of discomfort.
I wonder what the differences are and why drugs are needed sometimes. (Now I know they didn't do the special 'deep' procedure on me...that takes over an hour and does need some sedation)

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: PoppaGator
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 03:12 PM

It's been a few years since my last 'scope. The anesthetic they used on me was something in the category sometimes called "twilight sleep." I was more-or-less conscious, remembered pretty much everything (including watching the video screen as the probe went deeper and deeper in), but literally was "feeling no pain."

More recently, I had a prostate biopsy (with OK results, by the way). The apparatus didn't go in all that far, but it felt pretty weird and would have been hard to take were it not for the local anesthetic (lidocaine) they squirted in there first.

The probe was pretty high-tech: it included a video camera as well as some kind of gizmo that could snip off a sample of tissue and store it. They took 12 bits without removing the probe, so the storage component obviously kept each bit separate and identifiable as the first or second or tenth sample, etc., and was able to record the area of the prostate from which each bit was taken.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rabbi-Sol
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 02:50 PM

The gastroeterologist that we use has a licensed anesthesiolosist on staff. He uses Propyphil which is a very short acting drug. You are fully out for the 20 minutes that it takes to do the procedure. However after that, the drug wears off very quickly and you are fully conscious and aware 5 minutes after the IV is withdrawn. You dress and walk out of the procedure room on your own steam without spending any time in a recovery room and do not at all feel sleepy or groggy.

                                                    SOL

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 02:20 PM

Gimme valium
I don't like pain
Gimme sedation
I gotta brain!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:43 AM

I,ve had one done without any sedation whatsoever, it wasn't overly terrible but sure felt good when it was over.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:38 AM

I was aware of the procedure most the time. I thought they were going to go through the gut walls several times. But no pain as such! Then they started to pull the camera out and I lost consciousness. It isn't worth staying awake for.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:21 AM

I was actually disappointed because I wanted to see what was going on - it all has a bit of a fascination for me.

Maybe next time I'll ask for something that will keep me aware of the procedure.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: MarkS
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:14 AM

The prep days prior to the proceedure were worse than the proceedure itself - don't stray far from the head.
But - the drugs you get!
Now I know why drugs are called controlled substances!

(They would not give me any to take home though!)

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John J
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:02 AM

How about: 'Now you ARE going to wash that thing before you stick it down my throat....aren't you?'

JJ

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:52 AM

With the writer's strike still on, this film "Inside Gnu" has a descent chance of an award and is certain to bring the house down

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Schantieman
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:38 AM

Me too. My memory isn't what it used to be.

Come to think of it, what did it used to be like?

What are we talking about?


When I had my prostate exam there was no prep - just come in, trousers down and finger in. And some people do that for fun?!!

As far as I remember.


Steve

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:01 AM

I think they've been slipping that stuff into my food and drink all my life. Especially before I was to take tests in high school and college. It would explain my grades.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:56 AM

Jacqui, one of the commonly used sedatives also has amnesiac properties which account for your loss of memory - see here

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:52 AM

Which is why I'm having it done, MD. They found (and removed) polyps the last two times and I'm not taking any chances. I joke about it, as we humans do about everything that can be or is awful, to mask my fears.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: MaineDog
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:31 AM

I've had two of them now, and they were easy. Last time the doctor offered to let me watch the view on tv. I said, "no thank you, just make me comfortable". He said "ok, were all done, you are fine." Then they kept me for an hour just to make sure. I was indeed fine, and I could have driven home, but my driver arrived on schedule, so I went home and played music.

Very seriously, I would rather have one of these procedures every week than to go thru what Gail went thru.
MD

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:09 AM

Art - no - Kendall came a got me - there were strict instructions about NOT driving.

It's quite weird to have no recollection of a few hours when I was obviously conscious.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 07:12 AM

Here, that statement, almost exactly, appears on the discharge papers you have to sign before release from Day Surgery.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 01:21 AM

This statement was included on a cancer center web page..
"The day of your colonoscopy you will be given drugs to make you comfortable and unaware that you are having the colonoscopy. Having the drug in your system requires that you are in the care of an adult friend or relative and that you rest while the drug wears off. You may NOT drive a car, operate machinery, go to work, eat out at a restaurant, or sign important papers."

Ha...i like the part about signing important papers..\
don't let the hospital or doctor get your signature
on any thing---like a sales receipt for their new yacht....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 09:48 PM

Jacqui, were you driving?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 09:23 PM

Ask the doctor for a signed note certifying that your head is not, in fact, up there.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 08:50 PM

Certainly not, jac! Well, there were those days in the 70's that I don't recall clearly, butt..... no! Oops, Freudian ship?

BTW.... Say, Cap'n, you sailin om my tide?

Yes... I still have t'3's for my ear. Why do you ask?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 08:42 PM

I had this done last October, both ends. I was hoping to be able to watch what was happening and probably did, but can't remember anything from the time they administered the drug until I was sitting at home, haven't lunch.

I must have been conscious because I got myself dressed and walked to and from the car but the whole event is gone!

gnu - how about the Star Trek bit about going where no man has gone before.....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 07:44 PM

as for "Saves on embarrassing conversation." Actually the drug they give to colonoscopy patients is akin to "truth serum" (sodium pentathol) and I was cautioned that the person who give you a ride home may hear you say things that you will never remember...this could be the MOST embarrassing conversation.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: topical tom
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM

I too am scheduled for one this year.I'm not looking forward to it but I'm anxious to put it behind me.Okay, maybe that's not the way to put it.I'm fed up with it. No, that's not it either.Empty is a better word choice.It certainly is a gas!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:40 PM

Old 'catters will recall my second "near death" experience of '99 which followed immediately upon the heels of my first of '99.......Come to think of it, since I've been on Mudcat ('98), I've been comatose on a ventilator 4 times.......hmmmmm...............

Anyway, they were looking for a hard to find intestinal bleed and rushed the colonoscopy. I was evidently kind enough to crap on the Doc's shoes but he took umbrage at this and sent me back for another go at the "golightly." This time I forced it down quickly as asked, drinking all of it in less that a half hour but I used ice to improve the hideous flavoring packets which masked the gawdawful natural taste. Bottom line? I became hypothermic and my teeth were chattering so violently a large number of them, almost all the uppers, developed cracks! First time I ever heard of the shits causing your teeth to fall out................

And I'd make a few jokes about my female GP but she is one of the luckiest things that has happened. We transferred to her 12 years ago and I am absolutely sure I'd be dead without her. Very intelligent, well read, and up to date across the board, she does exactly what you want a GP to do.....she manages/quarterbacks all the various specialists to the nth degree. Patricia Hollingsworth.......I have no idea what Karen and I would do without her.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:11 PM

Maybe, if they videotape mine, I'll get a copy and I can market it under the title "Guts!" I'll betcha it'd be an instant best seller!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:10 PM

One time about a year ago the doctor (Ol' Doc Jones, who's younger than I am by quite a bit) sent in a med student for a preliminary workup. He took my temperature and BP and pulse and then made the mistake of asking why I was seeing the doctor.

"Hansen's Disease," I said promptly. "I have Hansen's Disease."

Poor guy looked puzzled and probably was, but he wrote it down on his clipboard anyway. As he was questioning me about my symptoms and I was telling him that I thought another toe was getting ready to fall off, Doc Jones walked in and took one look at the kid's notes.

He chuckled and asked the med stud if he knew what Hansen's Disease was. The answer, not surprisingly, was no.

"Leprosy," said Ol' Doc. "And he doesn't have it -- he's here for a regular checkup on his diabetes."

"But...but," I said, "What about my leg?"

"Just stop pulling his," replied Jones.

Ol' Doc and I get along okay, even if he does order colonoscopies.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:05 PM

My last colonoscopy was done by two women doctors(well...one, I guess was just a techie) who didn't look like they would welcome jokes...they showed me the whole procedure on a color monitor and confined comments to "hold still"...so I did. Wasn't too bad, and no problems.

If I can't think of anything really clever in such circumstances, I tend to just follow orders and be quiet.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:03 PM

I haven't been awake for any of 'em. "Count to ten," said the Doc and I counted "One, two, th..." and woke up with the procedure over. My wife said they were having a hard time moving me from the gurney to the recovery area bed, so she said, "Roll onto the bed" and I answered "Okaaaaay" and flopped on over.

I don't remember any of it.

It ain't the procedure that bothers me, it's the prep. I was told to drink only clear liquids, but they told me vodka, gin, and poteen were not what they had in mind.

For music, how about "Dark As A Dungeon" or maybe "Sixteen Tons"?

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:02 PM

Ah, gnu - 'tis the soul of gentlemanliness, you are.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:00 PM

During an anual "female" exam one time my doctor had a med student in the room with us ( he did this frequently and always asked first if I minded). They were taking a particularly long time checking things out down there and he kept handing me brushes and scrapers and such to hold for him... finally I said " Are you getting ready to pull a rabbit out of there, or what?" Dr. Hobbs cracked up and the med student looked at me, horrified.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:54 PM

I too had a prostate exam by a female doc. She was filling in for my regular doc. (Thanks, or you're welcome, as the case may be.)

She made a big thing about having the nurse present and draping a sheet over things. I had waited nearly two hours and I was late for two appointments. Not a happy camper. I asked, "You are gonna shove your finger up my ass and you are worried about seeing my balls, and, without a witness? When do you graduate?"

Not very tactful. Actually, kind painful.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Wesley S
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:52 PM

Maybe a song would be better than cracking a joke. You could start with "Waist Deep in the Big Muddy {and the big fool says to push on}".

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:46 PM

Mine's due in about a month, I'm actually looking forward to the drug cocktail of I.V. Versed, Fentanyl and Buscopan - puts you on Cloud 9 for a while.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM

Oh, SINS, ya get drugs! But, ya don't go to sleep. Ya can't go to sleep. Ya gotta be semi-aware for all the fun afterward. Pull my finger?... not required.

Rap... ain't them phosphates all they are cracked up to be? When the nurse said, "Take the first bottle at 4PM and don't schedule anything until about 8PM.", she wasn't shittin!

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM

Peace, consider the possibilities. I had a prostate exam once by a female doc with 1 1/2 inch artificial fingernails! Gnu, just ask the doc for a picture to take home and frame - and wow all both your friends.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:42 PM

Mention that you lost your hedge clippers last Summer and if he should happen to see them.....

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Art Thieme
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:41 PM

Just ask him, "Doc, does your mother know what you do for a living?"

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:35 PM

Sheeeee-it, man! I gotta get one next Monday! Sunday is gonna be really shitty, ya know? But I only do it so's I can get that liquid Valium they use.

I wanted 'em to do an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the at the same time once when I had to have both. I envisioned the doctor saying, "LOOK! A light at the end of the tunnel!"

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: GUEST,Peace
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:45 PM

Getting a prostate exam. Doc had the glove on and his finger in there. I looked back and said, "__, we have to stop meeting like this. People suspect." His finger was outta there in 0.39402 seconds.

Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:44 PM

Get some drugs. You'll be asleep before the doc walks in the room and you'll wake when it's over. Saves on embarrassing conversation.

Subject: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:40 PM

So, on Thursday morning, I get my annual innuendo. I always like to lighten the load, if I can. Last year, I was a virgin and the best I could come up with was, "You can keep any change you find, but the bills are mine." Old Doc Murphy chuckled and I immediately thought, "Maybe that wasn's such a good idea." I mean, if he had a real belly laugh, would that be good for my belly?

I thought of waiting until the initial moment and lurching a bit and exclaiming, "JESUS MURPHY!", but, that might be a bit too risky. If he's a good Cat'lic, he might be offended and if he's a bad Cat'lic, he might laugh at the wrong time. If he's protestant Irish, I'm... nevermind.

"What, no dinner and a dance first?" has got to have been done a million times. On that theme, I thought, "Ya know, being gay may have some merit.", but, that's PI these days.

Any suggestions?