BS: Chongo's current (political) thread

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:23 PM

Brilliant, Jay, simply brilliant!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:49 PM

Other news - my newspaper said today that candidate Michelle Bachmann got John Wayne confused with John Wayne Gacy.

And - equally as important for a prospective candidate, IMO - I'm sure Chongo knows Elvis's birth date from his death date.

Bachmann? Ya haven't got a chance.

No Chump can Trump our Chimp!

Jay

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:46 PM

I was pleased to read above that Chongo admires Philip Marlowe. Can't go wrong there.

Other news - my newspaper said today that candidate Michelle Bachmann got John Wayne confused with John Wayne Gacy. Hello?!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:00 PM

Chongo usually wears slip-on leather shoes that can be kicked off fast in case he needs his feet bare to scale a wall, the side of a building, a tree or some other vertical surface.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:49 AM

Stiletto heels, but only for "friends."

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:33 AM

Bananas! There you have it! The key to getting Chongo into office!

The Gros Michel banana accounted for the vast majority of banana production and sales until was wiped out by a blight about fifty years ago. Its replacement, the Cavendish banana, is currently under pressure from a similar blight and may well be extinct within the decade.

As the world as we know it cannot exist without bananas we must find cures for the blights and/or develop new strains. We desperately need a pro-banana president! Who better to fill those shoes than Chongo?

Errr... Chongo does wears shoes, doesn't he?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 11:33 PM

Cute little "maid's outfit"....

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:28 PM

You think? Chongo tells me that he will fight to keep the prices of bananas down. That's part of his "a-peel" as a candidate.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:26 PM

Is he related to Arnold "The terminator" Governor? sounds like they may have been brothers at one time. Both are apes ...

I bet he gets in ... However, I did hear there was a big banana growing co-operative that was funding his candidacy. Corporations will still control everything. The price of banana's will go up and the guys will reap obscene profits.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:15 PM

Yeah, from what I hear from friends in Chicago Chongo does make a nice Bonnie on occasion. There are photos....

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 01:32 PM

Rap - Deny then, if you can, that you are making up all this supposed "evidence" on the spot... ;-D

I have to say, though, that I admire both your nerve and your imagination in doing so. So who is paying you to do it? The Democrats or the Republicans?

Bee-Dub - I think cartoonists would have a field day with Chongo even if he is already a chimp. What they would do is apply various well-known human characteristics to him when caricaturing him, that's all. For isntance, they'd do him up with tommy gun and fedora in scenes reminiscent of Capone, Bonnie & Clyde, Pretty Boy Floyd, and Dillinger. Think of the possibilities!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 11:53 PM

Deny then, if you can, the FACT that the DNA of his four (4) children with Binjo shows beyond a doubt (99.999+% certainty) that Chongo Chimp of Chicago is their father! The work was done at labs at Cambridge University using double blind testing.

He's years and years behind on his child support.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 08:27 PM

If Chongo were to be elected, it would mean unemployment for a number or political cartoonists who've made decent livings portraying US presidents as various animals. Nixon as rat, Clinton as chipmunk, Bush II as chimp, etc. How does one do a carricature of someone who already is a chimpanzee?

By the way, ya ever notice how much Al Gore looks like an okapi?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 06:52 PM

That might be so...if there were any truth to those sordid allegations. However, there is not. Chongo's mother died in Africa, still living the life of a "bush ape". Her death can in no way be ascribed to any neglect on Chongo's part. He was in the USA at the time. Immigration does not equate to abandonment. While Chongo was making a new life for himself in the USA, his near relatives in Africa were living in the old way, and enjoying it. His mother's eventual demise due to the unwelcome attentions of an African Native hunter was in no way Chongo's fault, but it may account at least partially for the fact that he has remained uneasy around most Black people to the present day. Several of Chongo's relatives and band members have perished in conflict with Black Africans over the years, and such memories die hard.

As for the supposed sister, Chinga, it remains unclear whether or not she is actually related to Chongo by blood. She may simply be an opportunistic golddigger hoping to cash in on Chongo's fame/notoriety/whatever-you-wish-to-call-it. The latter seems likely, given the paucity of evidence of a blood relation between the two.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 01:38 PM

Chongo plays an instrument--a Thompson,. I believe it is. He is more qualified to preside over the United States than, say, Michele Bachman. But his immoral abandonment of hismother and his poor sister Chinga will never let him serve, win, or evewn run.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 01:31 PM

I don't care much for swing or jazz either, leeneia. Still, it was the music of Chongo's youth, and that sort of thing tends to resonate with a person for the rest of their life, so I can understand why he likes it so much.

He isn't normally all that interested in folk music, but I did get him to go to a couple of folk festivals, and he liked it...so I think he has an open mind about that.

A birth certificate may be impossible to locate, given the fact that Chongo was born to a roving chimpanzee band in the deep forest, and they kept no written records of anything.

Still....that doesn't mean the piece of paper can't be created after the fact! Sounds like a plan. We'll have to find out where the American embassy was located in Chongo's land of birth back then, do a little creative writing, and Bob's your uncle. Thanks for the suggestion, Jay. Brilliant!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:07 PM

"- Likes Jazz and Swing music"

That's the only thing that worries me. Doesn't he like folk music? Play banjo? Own a bodhran? Like hearing the spoons?

I regard these predilections as proof that the brain is organized, and organized all the way.

As for me, swing makes me clench my teeth, and jazz makes me sleepy unless they play it loud and discordant, which they usually do just when I'm about to doze off.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 04:58 AM

Personally, I am looking more and more favorably on the idea of Chongo in 2012.

The issue of his place of birth may pose a legal challenge, though. However, the fact that he is a non-human primate may be a sufficient enough loophole to stop the "birthers" in their tracks. I'm not certain if it is stated specifically in our Constitution that the commander-in-chief must be human.

Come to think of it, a precedent has already been set - sort of. We've already had a non-human primate serve as governor of California.

Hey! If Chongo could prove that he was born on the grounds of, say, an American embassy...

Quick! Find that birth certificate!

Jay

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 11 - 12:55 AM

You mean he was living in sin with Binjo and he fathered four little children with her? And he doesn't even acknowledge paternity? That he took advantage of an innocent maiden, used her, and then threw her and their children away? Truly disgusting behavior, unheard of in the White House since, oh, Warren Harding or Chester A. Arthur!

He should meet up with Kate Shugak, he should.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 11:57 PM

Danged! I have no idea what his views are on that. I'll see if I can get an answer to your question shortly, Bob.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 08:48 PM

What are Chongo's views on the fictional detective Lew Archer, the protagonist of novels by Ross Macdonald. Mr. Macdonald (Kenneth Millar) held a post-graduate degree from the University of Chicago but he spent the formative years of his boyhood and youth in Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM

Good point there about God's forgiveness, Rapparee! That's something we would all do well to emulate, as best we can.

These scurrilous allegations about Chongo, however, are nothing but a bunch of horse puckey of the most ludicrous sort. The only one of them which is true is that he was born in Africa. And that's it. Period!

The rest is a bunch of lies and defamations spread by Chongo's enemies of whom there are many...even some on this forum. Yes, it is quite clear that certain individuals here are on either the Democratic or the Republican payroll and are servings as agents provocateur and spreading lies and innuendo to damage the leadership of the American Primate Party.

Given the fact that you yourself are an American Primate, I think it quite shabby that you would take part in spreading these completely fallacious tales about Chongo. Shame, sir! Shame!

You should also be aware that although Chongo has some degree of interest in the Sam Spade stories, he despises the Mickey Spillane novels. He regards them as trash. His real hero and the man he has always attempted to emulate quite closely is Phillip Marlowe as depicted by Raymond Chandler. He also greatly admires Humphrey Bogart.

The stuff about has supposed wife and kids and his sister is utter crapola. He has never married.

And besides...this is a candidate for president of the USA we're talkin' about fer Chrissake, not an applicant for elevation to the Holy Church Triumphant (sainthood).

Think about it. We're talkin' candidate for President of the US of F'in A. Just about any lowlife bozo, criminal mentality or psychotic nutcase imaginable can qualify for that job...and has done so in the past...so what's the problem? We have precedent!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 01:11 PM

The US Constitution requires the person to be a native-born citizen. Chongo abandoned his family and his wife and kids (recent research has turned this up -- four young chimplets and a wife named Binjo), forced his sister and mother into prostitution entered the US illegally, and
lives in the delusion that he's Sam Spade or Mickey Spillane.

Oh. Well, given the current crop none of those are a political problem. God has forgiven him, and so can everyone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:43 PM

You sayin' that Palin and Perry are monkeys?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: gnu
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:26 PM

Apes and monkies. Great choices.

Subject: BS: Chongo's current (political) thread
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 11 - 12:15 PM

Chongo Chimp in 2012.   How do we summon up the strong points of this candidate?

- Hairy neck
- Not Texan!
- Born in Africa
- Lives in Chicago
- Gun Packin' (and how!)
- Non-Christian (venerates King Kong)
- Racist AND Specist (thinks chimps are the best, thinks humans are the absolute worst!)
- Bigot (see above section on racist AND specist)
- Gorillaphobe (he hates them too)
- Heavy drinker
- Heavy smoker
- Eats hot dogs
- Goes to the Chicago baseball games
- Doesn't like hockey
- Is chivalrous and kind to women
- Stands up for traditional values
- Likes Jazz and Swing music
- Is very tough on crime
- Strong antiwar candidate (would end all USA foreign military interventions and close USA military bases outside the 50 states)
- Opposes bailouts for the bankers, suggests that they be arrested instead for defrauding the nation and given jail terms equivalent in years to their last annual bonus in dollars.
- Favors taxing the very rich heavily, and seeing if a "trickle-up" factor will serve to keep them from being reduced to begging on the street or at least having to have one less 300 foot yacht.
- Favors putting more corporate lawyers to work...busting rocks and flipping burgers.
- Wants to cut the defense budget in half and put the money into domestic infrastructure and health care.
- Objects to species stereotyping. Would make the use of the term "poopflinging" an illegal hate crime punishable by immediate arrest and incarceration.
- Suggests that the baseball cap be phased out now due to "extreme overexposure" and the fedora be brought back into style to replace it.


Kind of a mixed picture, eh? But definitely more fun than either Palin or Perry will ever be. Chongo = Change! Change you can depend on.