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TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Matt_R Date: 21 Jan 01 - 10:04 AM Very very sad, Amergin. Yet oh-so familiar. Don't worry, I'm good at providing accompaniament for poetry readings. I'm still working on a song for her. Maybe tonight I'll have it finished. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: kendall Date: 21 Jan 01 - 09:49 AM Duggans Dew O' Kirkintilloch is, was, a Scotch whiskey mentioned by Guy Gilpatrick. He wrote about a character named Colin Glencannon, and that was his favorite drink. Glencannon was first mate in the tramp steamer, Inchcliff Castle. It is a very funny story. The book was titled GELNCANNON IGNORES THE WAR. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: CarolC Date: 21 Jan 01 - 07:47 AM Is that WD40 I smell? What's a McCulloch doing in a cardio-tavern? I thought they used saws-alls in these places. Gonna have to check this one out. Might be some flannel-shirt lumberjack types in here down from the upper peninsula. Who knows? Maybe even Ceasar the wrestling bear... HEY WATCH OUT!!! Bear in the jello pit!!! (...heading for the pit to have a round with the bear) |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Amergin Date: 21 Jan 01 - 04:51 AM Oh, yes, come on over and pull yourself a chair, Matt, two lonely young bastards in this heart shaped geriatrics center.....What's that in my bag you say? Nothing much just a bottle of Bushmills that I smuggled in....SSSSHHHHH, don't say anything....I don't want Kat to stumble on over with her walker and confiscate it....Yes, I know you don't drink....but I'll buy you a pepsi or something if you play something nice and soothing to accompany my recitation on that box of yours....Oh very nice.....thank you...ok a nice big gulp of whiskey burning my insides.....and here we go....Starting from the top...
His Only Consolation
He find himself sitting there
Standing together in the station
He grips the bottle in his hand
The car door opens and out she steps
He slams the empty bottle to the table
He lies there in the bed next to her
He stumbles to his bed where three dogs lie NT
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 21 Jan 01 - 01:23 AM Whew!!! I'm back. All flushed and titterpated from the photo shoot. You fellers are just gonna have to pony up the dough for that MudCat calendar!! And NO! I'm not telling you whose cd's those are! You'll just have to wonder!!! Good gravy...the band names? I canna remember, but the Plunging Mustangs thought did give me a laugh when I finally got to spring "au naturElle". I dunno about costumage, but I can tell you, if'n my nipples don't light up, it just ain't worth it! Barkeep? Good black tea and a warm place to snuggle, please. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. ~JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:57 AM LMAO right back atcha'......"the 6 cent dude".....I love it.......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:51 AM Well, I Gracious gravy, but those LEDs are a bit blinding. Can you tone it down there some, Spaw? Y'know, we finally get all the ladies away from the fridge, and now there's some fella over there with his hands on it. What is the attraction with that fridge? And what did happen to all those bras? Did they get burned in the fireplace? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:35 AM Spaw, you rotten old curmudgeon, my stomach is cramping from laughing so hard |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:18 AM Well, Kendall, a quick search tells me it is listed as one of the Top Moving Spirits in New Hampshire! Now whether that means ghostly apparitions at the speed o'light or something more substantial, like a Cluny Scotch whiskey....well you tell me!**BG** Spaw, you got that steam cleared off your glasses, yet? Try some of this mint mead darling...Homeless make a dee-lish-us brew, just right for what ails ya, well, I dunno about you, but it's going down smooth and easy for me! BillD...c'mon over and let's try out those gloves...I think you've got the Foundations for a very Upifting Enterprise there! Magnetic Massaging Mammary Support Gloves!!! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:08 AM Geeziz!! I shouldn't have gone out! Its really friggin' cold tonite..........and who's idea was it that I was the one to audition that gawdawful band anyway......."The SA Nodal Rounders"...all electric....I shoulda' known better....................Damn glasses are fogging up, snow all over the place, keericedamitey, whadda' nite.........Let me sit down here by the fire with this sweet young thing.............How ya' doin' my dear? ...........just slide over here next to Ol' spaw and we can..............HEY!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???........HOMELESS????................geeziz......HEY LEEJ!?!.....Gimmee a bar rag to clean these glasses.......and triple Turkey!!! I got both tits lightin' up after that.....................Move back over there Homeless....don't weird out here on me man...................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: kendall Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:03 AM I dont usually hang out in places like this,but, I'm looking for a shot of DUGGANS DEW O' KIRKINTILLOCH And, someone who knows what it is. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Bill D Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:02 AM magnetic bra?? at $72????? I could get some of those little ceramic magnets that LEJ sells, glue 'em to the inside of a pair of soft gloves, and offer personal support for the ladies...with massage included! Hourly rates or long term like that 12 hour bra they used to advertised. and they say the entrepenurial spirit is dead! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: wysiwyg Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:01 AM No, he'll be BACK tomorrow night. If we pray real hard we can snag Big Mick too. Gentlemen, if you wish to audition, please make your desire known here so we can schedule you for tomorrow evening. Jen, I have a bad CRS flareup going. What were some of the other band names we talked about? And what color outfits, you reckon? Shall we set a cup size minumum for ladeez who may wish to join? After all, balance is important. Hate to rock the joint off the footings. (Feeting?) Piers. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:01 AM My, my, it sure is getting warm and coezzeee in heyah! Mr. Snuggly-Homeless, a bit more mint-mead-mix, if ya'll don't mind? That's a fine fyrah and don't ya'll pay no nevahmind to that grump about the doors nor that swinging fellah...he's just high on all this grand "Teton" energy we've got amongst us....well, that and he may have gotten into my catnip supply, again! Kat here, that Law-Foun-Tayne, she sounds like she's got marbles in her mouth! I've got me a nice batch of new elderberry sour mixed up here and the CardioHealthMemoryRestoreHawthornBerryGinkoBiloba capsules just got here, too. Say...let's have a look at that crystal, there Homeless, yeah, can you get it from him? Look, we can refract the firelight into Spaw's pericardium, it's better that those sterile surgery lamps and so much more wholistic! Lovely fire, darlin'...how about a nice tune for us....
LeeJ, you're welcome courtesy "la joeclone" formerly known as "el joeclone" pronounced "la jsho clawn AY"....and remember "Udder Mudders!!??" **BG** |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:46 PM AH!! The return of the GoofyGirl's Gentleman's Auxiliary??? Fan-freakin-tastic!! Will natural wonders never cease? But Peter is roasting the "Dubya" and the Moose is out of town--pout-- and PLUNGING MUSTANGS?? EEEEEK! All seriousness aside, Spaw, consider yourself lucky. Your cardiac surgeon could be one guy. For some of your femmefans--hell, we'd need a whole TEAM!! ~yer everlovin' JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:39 PM All we can handle is one drink? Have you SEEN Bert's tab????? Besides, with Leej as an able bartender, all you NEED is one!! I'm ditching this magnetic brassiere. Probably my best bet before somebody decides to grease the floor and trot in here in a suit of armor...I'm liable to cream'em..*bg*
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:36 PM Jen, another coupla nights of this and it will finally be time for the Plunging Mustang All Girl band. Except of course for our specially-invited boytoy backup singers. Yup. We been tawkin bout some of you fine things. Jen, what's say we hold auditions tomorrow night for the boys? Think they'll show us what they got? How shall we evaluate them, hmm? And OK, I may have missed something on the queen of the snuggle pit thing, but I believe y'all will find me MORE than amply qualified to front the band. Magnetic... hell I'd be happy if mine would just stay home on a Saturday night... or at least take me with them. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:33 PM Thanks for putting the line breaks in my last post, whoever. And Katlaf...the udder gals?! snort! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: aussiebloke Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:15 PM Aussiebloke quietly enters the Cardio-lounge... Sidles over to the bar and quietly orders a double-pneumonia - shaken, not stirred... Takes a sip, masterfully resist the temptation to cough and splutter as the firewater slips past the oesophageal varices - blinks away the tears - regains focus, and there she is, the woman of my dreams! "Hey babe, you've got acute angina" Whap! Gets hit upside the head with a banjo. Dang! I hate that. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:13 PM Gol-ly. A fella goes to all the trouble to get a nice crackling fire going, a nice warm body snuggled up on the bench beside him (with plenty of room on the other side, I might add. Hint, hint.) and what happens but a fuzzy-faced hippie falls right out of the sky into his lap. Holding a bunch of cut glass in his hands, no less. Whatever happened to that fella with all the 'lectrical parts? Maybe he can turn monkey-boy here into a loudspeaker for the stereo or something. Anything I can get for you while I'm up, Ms Law-Foun-Tayne? Careful what you drink tho - seems like all anyone can handle in this place is one drink. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 10:43 PM Alright! Now fun is fun, but somebody has pulled the ladder out from under me and now I am unintentionally swinging from the chandelier! Hold it. Wait a bit on getting me down. Hey, you know, you can see some amazing things from up here. Yeah, and look...there's all those little upside down people inside of that crystal there. O-o-o-o-o there's one over there that has a rainbow in it. I'm starting to feel...so-o-o ...Uh oh! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 10:30 PM Well, Leej...ya gone and done it. Been a long time since I had to make a trip to the bathroom in mid-laugh... ...oh, by the way...here are your keys.... ~JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 10:07 PM Ok, ok. It's because I came in the other door. And I was thinking about a hot rutting bum, I mean a hot buttered rum, that would be waiting for me inside. I'll go get some.
Tromp tromp tromp. *slam* Hey, Ms katlady, ma'am. And how might you be this fine evening? Are you ready to get snuggled up warm any toasty by a roaring fire? I'll have it going in no time. Say, do you have anything left in that bottle from last night? We could pour this in with it and have a hot mulled buttered mint rum mead. Sounds tasty, in an eclectic sort of way, no? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:54 PM I'll never understand how someone can walk right by the woodpile on their way in and then complain because there is not a roaring fire inside when they walk in empty-handed. Welcome, anyway, Homeless. Lemme fetch you a hot buttered rum...oh..uh...an Atropine Bolus, I mean, while you find a bit of kindling. I think you'll find a bundle in the atrium. Then you'll have to excuse me while I wipe some more of the splash marks off of the chandelier. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Little Neophyte Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:50 PM Very funny Allan. I told you I had those hairs removed by electrolysis years ago. I thought you noticed. Anyway, thanks for getting me out of that pressing situations but I would really appreciate if you guys would remove your watches. This magnetic brassiere thing is getting me more attention than the bra is worth. BB Bonita |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:48 PM Why, kind sir, I am sure there is a nice BIG woodpile out that door over there she said, fluttering her long eyelashes at him. Those eyelashes were the only thing that kept Ms. Law-Foun-Tayne from being glued to the boobbar like all them udder gals. If yew don't mind, I'll just sit my little ole self down on your bench and wait for a nice warrrmmmmm fye-arh... |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:35 PM *Slam* Stomp, stomp. Boy, it sure is cold out there tonight! Why isn't there fire going in the fireplace? And it's nice to see this place a little more populous tonight. Umm.. Why are all the ladies standing with their noses pressed, well, not actually their noses, a bit lower, their, uh.... Why are all the ladies standing so close to the appliances? Now, if I can just grunt drag this darn grunt padded leather bench grunt over to the fireplace. Hey, does anyone have an extra banjo lying around? I need to start a fire here. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:31 PM Down Allan!! Just clean the walls......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:21 PM Which one sports the mustache, Bonnie? The left one or the right one? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Little Neophyte Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:15 PM Oh I forgot to wax my mustache before going out tonight, oy that is REALLY embarrassing. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Little Neophyte Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:13 PM Well I bought one of those magnetic brassieres but now I am stuck to the beer refridgerator door. Can one of you guys get me loose? This is very embarrassing. :{Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:07 PM Aw geez, the boy's on a roll now!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: flattop Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:07 PM Ah, the good ol days when they put real metal in the dashboard (after the good ol days when they used real wood in the dashboard.) Today she'd probably just create havoc with the electronic cruise control. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: GUEST,LEJ Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:03 PM Sometimes me and my cute little peach We lie in the sun down on the beach If we need some money, it may look strange but she can crawl through the sand, gathering change |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:00 PM AW GAWD.....LMAOLMAOLMAO.........I'm dyin' here......"magnetic goods".............Man that's GREAT!!!!!.............Get me another keyboard and clean my monitor......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: GUEST,LEJ Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:53 PM When I go down to the local bar I can leave my baby to wait in the car Secure in the knowledge she wont wander far Cause the dashboard got her stuck like tar Sometimes we wander out in the woods Cause my baby got them magnetic goods No matter how far the two of us roam Them knockers be pointin the way back home |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:44 PM ROTFLMAO....they should hand them babies out in the GirlScouts...ya get lost in the forest, your knockers always point due north!! S'okay Spawbaby....you know I'm only jealous because I haven't figured out a way to make MINE light up..sniff sniff.. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:36 PM Blondy, that's all well and good for you and that Plastic Pig you drive, but I took an ol' girl out in the '62 and when I put my arm around her she leaned forward and the magnetic field kicked in and she was stuck to the dashboard the rest of the night. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: GUEST,LEJ Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:31 PM Ever since my baby put her boobs in traction She givin' all the boys magnetic reaction They movin in a way I call "prehensile" Its dat kinda stuff put lead in your pencil |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:22 PM Boy what a night that was last night............'Gin boy don't be so sad man.........We'll get you fixed up again......or fixed. JE works for a vet and can get some kinda' deal I'm sure...............And I see Flats has been plumbed with a catheter. All that cheap beer and 400 mg of Lasix probably wasn't a wise idea..........................HEY JE!!!! Allan's commentary just didn't do that routine justice.........But I know those hooters have got to be causing you some pain and if you want some natural relief, I think I got it for you!!!! How about a MAGNETIC BRA????........No, I don't know if it works, but I wouldn't stand too close to any passing Peterbilts......................And Allan, can you get all the Jell-O off the walls huh? I mean when you tried that triple Lutz it was right admirable an all, but when you belly-flopped into the pit it made a helluva' mess, ya know?........................Leej, set up a few more, my tit's lightin' up! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Matt_R Date: 20 Jan 01 - 07:42 PM Seems like they're ignoring us, Amergin. Maybe we should hang out in the corner and commiserate. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Little Neophyte Date: 20 Jan 01 - 07:36 PM Here I am guys, sorry I'm so late. I was in the bathroom putting on my lipstick when this strangest thing happened. I went in the stall to change my panti-liner and somehow got locked in. I would have crawled under the door frame but that is disgusting and there was no way I was going over the top. So I stayed there until the building shifted a bit and the stall lock seemed to loosen up. Boy I sure could use a drink after that episode. Let me pull some cash out of my white socks and treat you all to a round. How does that sound? Banjo Bonita |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Sorcha Date: 20 Jan 01 - 07:08 PM Twiddle diddle, Twiddle diddle, twiddle diddle......Car 54 Where Are YOU???? What? What's that? KPSP?? Possum Songs for Perverts? HUH? You sure that's the only station I can get on this thing? But what about WSFG, Why Spaw Farts Globally, 49 on your dial? No? awwwwwwww shucks. (Sorry spaw, didn mean to pinch ya there, You want pinched WHERE????) Lorna Doone, these folks.....Ya just cain't nivver tell whatcha done fell into.......whoops, is this a Jello Pit? Well, kiss ma grits, honey!! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Jan 01 - 07:03 PM Meet me in chairs, doc. Over where the motormice frolic. ~Praise Dog! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 04:34 PM It wasn't Spaws nipple that I was...Hey, nice serve! Somebody need to point out to kat that she's not s'posedta take a bite outta the ball every time it gets on her side of the net! It makes it wobble a heck of a lot. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 04:22 PM Hey darlin'goof, if ya don't mind a gal in scrubby jeans and a Giants jersey (#22 ya'course)...I'll set and you can spike. Help ya burn off whatever be in those flaming Pacemakers! PraiseSugar, today is more of a case of the physician needin' to heal hersailf, I'm afraid. That SnugglePit is sounding better and better every second. Somebody brave enough to twiddle Spaw's nipple and see if we can get an oldies station in here? ~hersailf |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 03:52 PM Praise, I think Jack...er...Jaqueline has already captured that title but I'm sure there is room for a Lady In Waiting. As much as I would like to play doctor, JenEllen, I am feeling quite energetic after downing a couple more of those Pacemakers. (I suspect that there is more in there than just caffeine!) I'm gonna grab this solid chocolate volleyball and head over to the Pulminary Arena. I know it's not quite the same as baseball, JE, but we don't have an indoor field big enough for that yet. Anyone want to do a bit of volleying? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: The Sugar Dog (inactive) Date: 20 Jan 01 - 03:41 PM Huh, like Lord Buckley say 'bout 'nother pow'ful healer, Ah put a lick on you cain't nevah forget. Heal the sick, 'courage the well. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Jan 01 - 03:20 PM Calling Doctor JE, calling Doctor JE... your colleague is waiting for you in the recliner section of Chairs.... calling Doctor JE.... ~The Snuggle Pit Queen |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 03:02 PM Say Leej.... With all them rebuilt parts, d'ya think if we give the guy a tinfoil hat and get hit to sit by the window, we could pick up the rugby scores? *bg* ~JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 02:35 PM Sweet merciful crap....Leej, ol buddy, you SHINE!! Allan, the cameraman promises to fill me in on this here 35point test of his...maybe he needs a lah-bore-uh-torey assistant??*bg* Jello wrasslin? What the hell was I thinking/drinking last night? Where the fug is the SnugglePit? I could use a soft one. It'll give me a chance to check out some of Mario's fabulous pies and this here autoharp case ....hmmm... |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Sorcha Date: 20 Jan 01 - 02:20 PM Hey, all ya'll! It's the morning after the night before, here, and I need a goose-shit drip and a St. JohnsWort cocktail, straight up! After I had to stay cool at the school yesterday dealing with that dick fart they call an Ass't Principal, I may have to upgrade to a Double shot of Valium!! (dickweeds, dickweeds). I got some way cool scars to show off, and most of em are actually in places I can show, if'n ya get my drift. Nothing to compare with spaw's zipper and inlay, tho. Guess I need to see Dr. Fielding for some upgrade work, maybe next month after Kate does her thing in Cheyenne. Ain't got time to shcedule it before then, crapo. I need some inlay work............ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: The Sugar Dog (inactive) Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:34 PM ... and Ah has dat gloocose drip ready too. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: wysiwyg Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:22 PM Sorry I'm late! I've got the autoharp case, JenEllen, you know, the one with all the tools packed away inside... anything you need... uh huh, in case emergency repairs are needed over there in chairs... yup, I can handle anesthesia, altho Spaw is usually on hand as gas passer... monitoring vitals.... rock that recliner back into Trendellenburg as needed.... ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: GUEST,LEJ Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:00 PM yep, it's amazing what you can do with a defective transistor radio, a remote control car motor, and some shrink tubing. And all covered by a 90 day warranty! We'll implant this red LED in your left nipple, Spaw. When your nipple starts blinking, it's time to change the triple A batteries. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: flattop Date: 20 Jan 01 - 11:56 AM Holy Husqvarna! Those flamingo eggs sit heavy in the gut. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Here I was talking to this strange woman chewing the omelette with a couple of beers and the next thing I don't know I passed out. You don't think she took advantage of me do you? Couldn't be that American beer? Tastes like piss. Canadians never pass out from beer. As my Newfie friend John used to say, "I can get drunk on one beer, my 24th." You know, I got a few internet messages that she sent me out in my truck. She writes a great message. Did you see the fingers on her? Can you wait here while I go get them? I think I'll bring my chainsaw back with me. You don't mind do you? It's a little habit from up growing up in Cape Breton. Mustn't leave old McCulloch in the truck alone too long. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: MMario Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:18 AM Buttermilk pies coming out of the oven in just a few minutes. all you can eat! * I left my heart....in Sam Clam's Disco!* |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 08:43 AM I think "down in front" was meant to be a compliment for the softness of your very prominent attributes, JenEllen. Of course that was merely an assumption on his part. I would prefer a more scientific study. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 02:34 AM Aw, don't be sad luv. If'n you've got a nice scar, that there jello-pit is set for a throw-down. So far it's a toss up between Richard Dreyfus and Spaw....*bg* (damn that BonnieChile for my purty red neck tonite..) |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Amergin Date: 20 Jan 01 - 02:28 AM Well, feeling a bit low tonight.....so here's a first installment of My Only Consolation....
He find himself sitting there
Standing together in the station NT |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:58 AM Read the whole book? I'm a fo-toe-grapher - I don't read the words, I only look at the pictures! And what else would come out of a mitral valve than miters? Ter-miters, thermom-miters, she-miter-shemightnot. Why by golly, as quiet as it is in this place tonight I think a feller could lay down here in this booth seat a take a bit of a snooze hisself. Wake me up when things start ta jumping, lessens the commotion wakes me up anyways. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:44 AM (the crowd of two in the left ventricle are clapping wildly) "Hey honeygoof, don't touch that there valve thingie unless you mean it!" "Down in front?!?! Obviously you haven't read the entire book cameraman! For some of us gals that's damn near impossible"*bg* "Miz Kensho, you got anything that'll set a little ol'ventricular waif back on her heels? Pour me a double!"
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:38 AM aside LMAO!!! Well done, Homeless!! I am off ta bed, to dreams of dandelion wine, lifted shirts, telephoto lenses and soft strummin' all right here in ma' heart...more tomorrow....! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:35 AM By gum, maybe this place ain't so bad after all. Gee, Ms katlady, I've only got the one gallon of mead, but since y'all are talking lawn weeds, I think I've still got a bottle or two of that dandelion wine that Sorcha turned me onto sitting around somewhere. If I dig that out would that work for ya once the mead's gone? And while you're sampling my culinary skills, I think I'll set this here camera up with a telephoto lens on a tripod right here on the table and aim it strategically across the room. Down in front! And now that the grape Nehi has taken effect, I think I'll unsling my guitar and croon something that kinda resembles a song as long as no one listening. Tuning up here a little bit... twang.. twang.. twan-pop. Oops. Oh well. Who needs all 6 strings anyway? This one goes out to JenEllen, who spoiled me by giving me the first line.
MMMmmmm. Maybe I better replace that string before I sing anymore. Anyone got a spare g-string? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 20 Jan 01 - 01:00 AM In best Daffy Duck, spluttering voice "No, no, no, no! NOT the red button! Don't ever touch the red button!!" LOL....oh, cameraman...a little pose in the pit, eh...plying me with mint mead, hmmmm...my favourite...oh, dear...we could have some fun, tonight! Fermented yellow clover comin' right up, Allan...anything to keep our Spaw going...now where were we? You want me to what??!! How about a littl more mead, first? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 12:48 AM Goofball? Goofball!! Damn, that's one of the nicest things any woman has ever called me. Want to meet me over at the Left Ventricle in a couple of minutes? Hey, does anyone know what comes out when you turn this Mitral Valve thingy? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 20 Jan 01 - 12:32 AM Yeah, the judges give it a 9.999999...she says while flicking a raspberry at the sputtering goofball....*bg* |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 20 Jan 01 - 12:27 AM Hey kat, have you got any fermented yellow clover over there? Spaw said something about being tired of paying for that generic stuff. I'll just get a refill on this cuppa Pacemaker and wander on over to the pit for awhile. Hey! Wait! Whose idea was it to put raspberries in there... *Gag* *Sputter*... Man I really hate those things. Those little seeds seem to get into every little...Oh, look! JenEllen just did a Hammill Camel followed by a - Wow! Look at that leap! What a program! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 20 Jan 01 - 12:24 AM And we'll be makin' it natural Don't cha ask me how But I think I'll start tomorrow Cause today I found my sorrow and I sure could use a hit right now. How about if'ns I drop a gallon of homemade mulled mint mead into yer lap there, katlady? 'Sthat natcheral enuf fer ya? 'N would it be enuf ta gitcha to pose in the pit fer a picture? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 20 Jan 01 - 12:09 AM Uh-oh, man with a camera...looking for models for the Mudcat Calendar or taking shots for the CI.., naw...those drugs are legal, can't be that....maybe he's going for a jello pit shot for the cover of Rollin' Stoned? Man, you all can have those darn drugs, they all make me itch, anyone wants to go natcherall, come see me. I've got hawthorn berry drip, motherwort drops, and dandelion liquer poured over cracked ice...Hmmmmm, delicious and not an allergic reaction in the batch! Good weeds over here!!!
I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:41 PM Get nekkid? Spawdarlin', I've been wearing nothing but that triple shot since, what? 6pm or so?? Lucky for me Allan is a gentleman..*bg* Checked the e-mail. Your place looks just like mine, except all the animals need to be missing a leg, or have some terminal cardiomyopic disaster to come to the ol'SecondChance Ranch!! And they Weimie is gorgeous too! I love how their eyes/nose/fur all meld together into that silvery ball of love. How's his personality? Well, it wasn't MaryJo Ripanicek...It was Yvette Martinez. And she didn't break my heart, she broke my leg! Check this out (flipping her long walker on the bar) Just after the start of semi-finals, she comes at me high-sticking. Torn cruciate ligaments, nicked a splinter off my patella, and put a spiral fracture in my tibia. Game on. ~JE
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Homeless Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:33 PM And in thru the door slips a rather scruffy looking fellow. Hiking boots unlaced, shirt tail hanging out, and a weeks worth of beard trying to get ahold on his face. With a camera around his neck and a guitar slung over his back he looks suspiciously around the room and makes his way inconspicuously over to the bar staring toward the floor to avoid any gazes that might fall upon him. Upon receiving his grape Nehi, he looks for a dark corner where he can watch the evenings proceedings unobserved. Strange sort of place this, with what appears to be green slime in a hole in the floor, and a bunch of crusty old geezers having what looks like some kind of body part contest. And if the booze wasn't enough, there is a veritable pharmacoepia on the bar. Not sure if this is the place for him, he slides into his dark corner to sit quietly and see what will happen next. Wait a minute... Is that nurse wearing white tube socks? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Troll Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:24 PM Hot Damn! I can feel my arteries hardenin' just from walkin'in here. Gimme a large order o' fries, double cholesterol, and a bowl of that thrombosis dippin'sauce -bleu cheese if ya got it- and a large diet coke. I know it sounds stupid but I bin drinkin' the stuff for so long that it's the only thing that tastes good now. 'Spaw! bottoms up! Bonnie! Lookin' FINE! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:08 PM HEY JE>>>>Check your e-mail!!! No problemmo on the omelettes.........Everybody gets a Pravachol tab on the side..........And Little John and I have a nice supply of atenolol and I got some prinivil too....and ProCardia and Digitoxin and lasix and coumadin .....so let the festivities begin...LET"S GET NEKKID!!!!!!!
I feel my BP a risin' Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:04 PM I'm suddenly reminded of my favorite scene in the movie, "Jaws" when the three guys were getting drunk and comparing scars. Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) tears open his shirt, points to his chest and says something like, "See that? That's where Mary Jo Ripanicek broke my heart!" |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:45 PM *jello pit full and at the ready!!!* "Say there Allan" (she says, munching on fries) "D'ja notice all the drugs floating around here? Starting to look like Keith Richard's carry-on...Now scoot your newly scrawny lil'butt (congratulations and goodonya) on over here with some of that ThromboSauce..."*bg* Awright Spaw. Show us the scar. Tell ya what, I'm feeling frisky. Whosoever has the best scar gets a wrassle in that there jello-pit. Hold me back. ~JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Bill D Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:17 PM FLAMINGOS by Larry Penn---1982
I was just a-wonderin how flamingo would taste,
Make some red eye gravy--won't that taste nice?
Now you can bring me chicken if it's southern fried, (repeat 1st verse) |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: flattop Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:55 PM Flamingo omelette sounds better than flamingo quiche. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: little john cameron Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:45 PM Coont me in gang.Ah'll bring mah Cranial Watershed Infarction.I think hae some o that dope hid awa somewhere.If me mix that wi mah Attenolol an Zoloft we should get aff tae a fine stert.Hae watch the B.P.though wi they nurses outfits. ljc |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:31 PM Sure, JenEllen, lemme slid those fries right on over to ya. Didja want that dish of Instant Thrombosis to dip 'em in? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Bill D Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:23 PM have another shot of Wild Turkey, 'spaw...then look here |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:13 PM NEIL???? No flats, we ain't doin' Neil here tonite. This here is cardionite and if we're gonna' invite someone, let's invite David Crosby.......Now there's a boy that knows what medical problems are all about!!! Besides, I think Neil is at the Center where he was admitted earlier to his private suite having been caught having unnatural sex with a LesPaul. Screw him......... But kick back and have a drink anyway............Leej just got another extension on Bert's Visa card and Jen Ellen's out buying some lime jello to fill the pit. Why don't you go find some of those flamingo eggs out back.....You ain't had nothin' til you have a flamingo egg omelette!!!.................Watch you don't step in the possum shit.................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: flattop Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:01 PM Did Neil just dedicate a song to mudcatters? Misfits by Niel Young Up in that new space station Living Kennedy's dream There was an automatic camera Shooting elephantine. Well the crew was relaxing Before the video screen Watching old re-runs Of Mohammed Ali. The voice of Houston callin' Brought them back to the scene Except the sky is fallin' Do you know what that means? Out on that Texas sidewalk Through the hotel mezzanine There walked a see-thru' hooker To a suite with two TVs. But by the elevator She began to sneeze With an attack so uncontrolled It brought her to her knees. And then the hotel doctor With nurse and stethoscope Announced the worst is over But for her there is no hope. Way down in South Dakota On the Needles Highway There's a lone red rider On the road today. And though his war is over He's fightin' on anyway Although he's seldom sober He's drinking whisky all day. Down in that old box canyon Where only misfits can go He rides with no companion But saloon and rodeo. Up in that new space station Living Kennedy's dream There's an automatic camera Shooting elephantine. Well the crew is relaxing Before the video screen Watching old re-runs Of Mohammed Ali. The voice of Houston callin' Brought them back to the scene Except the sky is fallin' Do you know what that means? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: flattop Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:47 PM Neil Young fans? Is this Canadian Music night at the tavern? I'm sure Bonnie will be coming around the mountain when she finds her G string. Little Hawk may stop off on his crazy horse in Omemee and pick up the remnants of The Squires who are still staring out that blue, blue window behind the sky. If rust never sleeps, is it because Neil sang flat for so long? I believe in you, long may you run till the morning comes, just a wrecking ball rocking in the free world. Everyone knows this is nowhere. From Hank to Hendrix I've seen the needle and the damage done to unknown legends under the harvest moon. The old laughing lady seems helpless in Ohio after the goldrush. The cowgirl in the sand down by the river where I shot my baby and the cinnamon girl will still take you up sugar mountain searching for a heart of gold. When you dance I can really love, Pocahontas, because a man needs a maid, but only love can break your heart. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Matt_R Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:32 PM Can anyone sing a "missing you" song? I'm feeling sad tonight. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Bill D Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:07 PM I'm just gonna sit here and sip my Tullamore Dew and watch 'spaw OD on Wild Turkey and Bonnie in her un-uniform...(and take pictures for that 'special' calendar that will REALLY make some $$$$)..... |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:02 PM Faulty parts and broken hearts...and a possum with the squirts. D'ya mind sharing some of them fries, Allan?
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Dave Swan Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:52 PM Slide me a double Atropine straight up, with a Dopamine chaser. I'll have the eggplant au Coumadin with the foxglove garnish. 'spaw, you've got to teach me to make that farting in your armpit noise that you're so fond of. It'll probably pain you to make it for a while, and I'll be happy to stand in. Meanwhile, lemme see if I can get this aortic balloon pump hooked up to my bagpipes. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:40 PM Nah Morty.....I think its the moon reflecting off of Cleigh's asshole........Does twinkle nice though......Little bugger probably has the trots.......................Hey Leej, give me a Manhattan on the rocks with that Wild Turkey huh? That's a nice sippin' drink..................What's that funky smell?...........DAMN!!!...I told you he had the shits.......Watch where you step............... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Morticia Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:25 PM Be still, my pulsing aortic muscle....for across the bar I see the man of my dreams! Fetchingly clad in a fur-lined thong with matching morris bells....his one good eye winking merrily in the half-light cast by the over-loaded Californian generators......could it be? Surely it isn't........? |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Amergin Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:15 PM Bonnie's in a nurse's uniform, huh? God, I hope this is not in relation to Jenny Fields.... |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: Allan C. Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:14 PM I'll have a Pacemaker, please with some Perkinje Fibers on the side. I just LOVE the names you guys have come up with for stuff like coffee and those shoe-string french fries! I know, I know, the fries aren't on my diet; but hey, I've lost 15 pounds so far and I've just got to celebrate somehow. |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:53 PM Jeez pet, I only do this kind of thing for a living...*bg* Lemme get out of these scrubs and into something a little more comfortable, like a triple shot of Wild Turkey. Any more of these badboys and I'm liable to break into the Ballad of Mae West. It doesn't help that we have a brown-out everytime Bonnie swings her paddles. Hey now, the RadioShack parts have a great warranty. Of course, now that Blondy has 'tinkered' with them, that's probably shot straight to hell... Fill'erup ~JE |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: katlaughing Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:52 PM Got any spare aortic valves hangin' around? None of them pig ones, neither, I'm a veggie all the way! Key-riced Spaw, that is some NICE work....the McQuilters did that wow, and I don't even rememeber a needle in hand! Oh, yeah, that's 'cause I was with the Tattoo Lobby trying to get them to go for the zippered look for your chest, ya know? That way, IF there's ever a next time, just unzip and there ya go! Oh and no wild critter stuff for me, either, give me some of that sweet amaretto and sour, on cracked ice. Ah....um that is tasty! Here's to ya Jen and Spaw...a fine job all round! |
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Subject: RE: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:28 PM Aw christ JE....This one's hot! Inlay huh? I'm impressed with the chordae tendonae knowledge, but damn am I worried about them Radio Shack "specials.".....Awright........let's play this out for awhile............First round is on me. A triple shot of Wild Turkey for everyone!!!!............Hey Leej, you still got Bert's Visa card number on file?.........oh great, just start a tab and get another extension on his credit limit...cool.................Yeah just set 'em up Leej....This round's on ME!!!!!!!!! Spaw |
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Subject: TAVERN: CardioNight at the MC Cafe From: JenEllen Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:10 PM The tavern is jumpin' tonight folks! The kegs are primed and the band is ready to roll. For one night only we have Clog and the Arrythmias!! Clog is warming up "With a-lub, and a-dub, and a Q-R-S-T!" Bonnie is decked out in her stolen nurses uniform and white socks. She'll have to trade in her banjo for some paddles because she is causing d-fib everywhere she goes. Fresh in from the recouperative porch of the NYC, and the rocking chairs that were still warm from kendall and m'self, Spaw holds court at the bar. He's the proud owner of a new quilted pericardium, thanks to the lovely MCQuilters Society. As well as Rick Fielding's delightful surgical work that left him with Mother-of-Pearl thoracic inlays and ebony inserts. The hand-tooled chordae tendonae are reworked RShack specials from Leej, and as a special treat, the MCQuilters finished off by closing into log-cabin suture pattern that has left a scar worth bragging about.
Bontemps |
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