|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: MGM·Lion Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:36 PM Well then, you were unlucky, Joe. It is a river college, and swans are frequent there beneath its two bridges. I still live near Cambridge and am frequently around there. ~Michael~ |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 07 Dec 10 - 03:08 AM Maybe the Dons have buggered them all. Dave H |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: kendall Date: 07 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM Ok, I've resisted long enough A mathematician named Hall had a hexihydronical ball; The cube of its weight, plus his pecker, times eight Was four fifths of five eights of fuck all. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,dan the man Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:00 PM There once was a lady from Starkey She had an affair with a darky The results of her sins where quadruplets not twins one light on dark and two kacky. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,EnkiduP Date: 28 Jan 11 - 05:26 PM There was a youn girl from St. Kitts, Who told her boy friend "Don't tickle my tits, You can tickle my crutch, I like thate very much, but elsewhere just gives me the shits!" |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 28 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM There was once a young fellow named Rand Who sat seeing the sights in the sand. "My problem," said he, Is as hard as can be, But I think I can take it in hand." |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST Date: 02 May 11 - 05:10 PM There once was a man named Muldoon Whose farts could be heard on the moon when you'd least expect'em they'd roll out his rectum like a southeasterly typhoon. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: josepp Date: 03 May 11 - 02:30 PM Learned this one in nuclear power school: There once was nukey named Slim Who took his rod out for a shim But his fluorescent sperm Made ladies squirm So no nooky for the nukey named Slim |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Bentley Date: 03 May 11 - 05:03 PM Now that Osama is dead Obama let it go his head Whilst addressing the nation He gave a quotation But it was the menu he read. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Thomas Xavier O'Toole Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:25 PM A carpenter named Paddy Ridge Buggered natives right under the bridge They hollered "Oh Paddy, For sure you're my Daddy!" And later wound up in his fridge. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Midchuck Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:47 PM A gay Irish priest in New Delhi Had the Lord's Prayer tattooed on his belly. By the time that a Brahmin Got down to the "Amen," He'd blown both salvation and Kelly. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: dick greenhaus Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:03 PM And one of the few non-bawdy (but good)ones A vaporish lady from Harrison Once pined for the love of a Saracen But she had to confine her Intent to a Shriner Who suffered, I fear, by comparison |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: MGM·Lion Date: 22 Aug 11 - 12:07 AM On the breasts of a barmaid from Sale Were tattooed the prices of ale And on her behind For the use of the blind Was the same information in braille |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:36 PM Dick G.: The Harrison one is by Ogden Nash. He also wrote There once was a belle of old Natchez, Whose garments were always in patches. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, "Where Ah itches, Ah scratches." |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: BanjoRay Date: 23 Aug 11 - 09:22 AM There was a young lady called Alice Who shat in the Vatican palace It wasn't the need That promped the deed But sheer bloody Protestant malice and by a friend of mine: There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in a lake A man in a punt Stuck his pole in her ear And said you can't swim here it's private |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Chris Date: 25 Jun 12 - 08:47 AM The wife of a sprinter named Rinde suggested an act much maligned: I'll back up to your dong and you'll see before long that you've managed to come from behind! |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Leonard Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:17 AM A horny old trout, name of Blue, Went to his girl friend to woo . . . She egged in the silt, He squirted his milt, Then asked, was it good for you, too ? ? |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Leonard Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:21 AM At the Tabard, said Harry, one day, In a friendly and jocular way, We're in no hurry to reach Canterbury, So let's have some tales on the way . . . The halls of your balls Have some very strange walls, As Sertoli found out, None too soon, So if one should ask, The distance is vas, When you go from 'tocyte To 'tozoon . . . |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 23 Oct 12 - 03:59 PM A young lady who lived near the Bosporus Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros. Said she, with a shriek, "His horn is unique And leaves mere men merely preposterous." |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST Date: 05 Jan 13 - 09:04 AM There was an old poet from Crewe Whose limericks stopped at line two. (and that's all folks... Chrs Muriel) |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Allen in Oz Date: 05 Jan 13 - 04:25 PM A mathematician named Hall Had a hexahedronical ball And the cube of its weight Times his penis plus eight Is his phone number..give him a call ! There was a young girl from Darjeeling Who danced with plenty of feeling Not a voice, not a word Not a sound could be heard But the fly buttons hitting the ceiling A Pansy who lived in Khartoum took a Lesbian up to his room And they argued a lot About who would do what And just with what , and to whom AD |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Gda Music Date: 05 Jan 13 - 06:11 PM There was a young man from The Clyde Who fell down a toilet and died And he had a brother who fell down an other And now they`re interered side by side GJ |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Jebas Date: 09 May 13 - 04:10 PM There was once a man named Dave That kept a dead whore in a cave She lasted a week Then she started to reek But look at the money he saved |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 09 May 13 - 10:25 PM There was once a young lady of Harrison, Who longed for the love of a Saracen, But she had to confine her Intent to a Shriner, Who suffers, I fear, by comparison. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Limerick Laureat Date: 10 May 23 - 10:21 AM The dirty old bishop of Birmingham Used to bugger young boys while confirming 'em. As they knelt at the rail He'd out with his flail And pump his episcopal sperm in'em. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Georgiansilver Date: 10 May 23 - 01:11 PM There was a young man from Hunts, Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham. Watching the stunts, of the c.... in the punts and the tricks of the p..... that were f...ing'em. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 10 May 23 - 06:06 PM Now everyone likes a butch guy. That's a fact that we cannot deny, But between butch and bitch Is such a small switch -- Just the difference between U and I! |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Steve Shaw Date: 10 May 23 - 07:49 PM There was a young lady from Exeter So fit that the boys craned their necks at 'er And one was so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at 'er |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Steve Shaw Date: 10 May 23 - 07:54 PM There was a young lady called Dinah With a music box in her vagina All the boys they had larks To the sweet sound of Bach's Toccata and fugue in D minor A lovely young girl in Australia Painted her arse with a dahlia The colours were fine As was the design The aroma, alas, was a failure |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Jon Bartlett Date: 12 May 23 - 01:27 AM My three favourites: I sat next to the Duchess at tea And she said, "Do you fart when you pee?" I replied, with some wit, "Do you belch when you shit?" And thought it was one up to me. There was a young lawyer named Rex Who had a small organ of sex. When arraigned for exposure, He said, with composure, "De minimus non curat lex." (The law does not concern itself with small things) There was a young man from Cape Horn Who wished that he'd never been born And he wouldn't have been, If his father had seen That the end of the rubber was torn. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,RJM Date: 12 May 23 - 03:13 AM very good, Jon |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Bill D Date: 12 May 23 - 12:02 PM Refer to part 2 for my I admit to being a genuine "purist snob" about limericks, which means being appalled by poorly remembered classics and bad meter in many others..not that my narrow views will make any difference. |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Dave Hanson Date: 13 May 23 - 02:57 AM There was a young goucho called Bruno, Who said shagging is one thing I do know, A woman is fine, A sheep is devine, But a Llama is numero uno. Dave H |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Charley Noble Date: 18 Jul 25 - 09:09 PM I don't think these favorites are mentioned above: There once was a poet named McNamiter, Whose tool was of prodigious diameter; But it wasn’t the size, That gave the gals the surprise, T’was his rhythm – iambic pentameter. There was a young lady from Bangor, Who fell asleep while her ship lay at anchor; She awoke with dismay, When she heard the mate say, “Hoist up the top sheet and spanker!” There was a young widow named Brice, Who kept her dead husband on ice; She said, “T’was hard when I lost him, But I’ll never defrost him; He's rather cold comfort but nice.” There was a bold Sumurai called Sanjo, Who fought in duels with his banjo; He said "I never fret When a challenge I get; I’d rather fight duels than tango!" There was a young man from Bombay Who sailed to China one day, Of the pox he did worry, So he dabbed on some curry, And for Ship Street his anchor did weigh! There once was a praying mantis, Whose love-life was hit or miss; When her lover gave head, She would eat it instead, And that was the end of their tryst. There was a young man from the Calais Who used to sing chanties all day, He'd sing "Down Trinidad", "Eight Bells" and "Sailor Lad," "Stormalong John" and "Ranzo Ray! Cheerily, Charlie Ipcar, aka Charley Noble |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: BobL Date: 19 Jul 25 - 02:31 AM There was a young lady from Leicester, Who said to the guy that undreicester, "You'd best have a whack In the hole at the back, The front one's beginning to feicester." |
|
Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: The Sandman Date: 20 Jul 25 - 04:12 PM There was a young lady from Yale who hauled up her jib and mainsail This habit was fine until she went blind. for she had not, learned to use braille |
| Translate Thread |
