Limericks, anyone? [5]

Subject: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:23 PM

A mudcat recluse, name of Spaw
Kept constantly wagging his jaw
Till one day with a shout
His teeth all fell out
And revealed a most cavernous maw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:40 PM

Hawk tried to get in a good lick.
T'was pathetic, not even a flick.
That should not surprise
Since 3 things the same size,
Are a pea, his brain, and his dick.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Áine
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:42 PM

Spaw - 1

Little Hawk - 0

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:14 PM

I see that the official size of my dick keeps shrinking. This is worrisome.

On the other hand, peas of that size could prove quite useful in terms of increasing agricultural production, so it ain't all bad, I suppose...

Why is it that insecure guys always insult the other guy's dick? :-)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:24 PM

Because the burden of dragging around a 6 foot schlong make us envious of you guys who only need tweezer to take a piss instead of an electric winch. Its scary to think I might piss myself if there was no place to plug in my winch ... Makes me insecure.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:34 PM

By golly, that would make a guy insecure, all right. Now I understand.

You know, I think Big Norma should know about you. She's this woman in Orillia who's been looking for someone with those sort of dimensions. She works at the slaughterhouse, tossing quarters of beef cattle into holding bins. I'll see what I can do about this...

So...how about another limerick?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:40 PM

Go right ahead....I'm going out for a few hours.....I'll check in when I get back.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,flattop's nemesis
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:48 PM

A 6 foot dick on a 4' 6" man??? That is most unusual. I will have to inform the Royal Biological Society. We are presently engaged in a search for flattop's brain (which has thus far proven fruitless...), but I think we can spare a research team to go down and visit you, Spaw. Are you willing to be photographed?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:06 PM

The bloke with the 2 metre schlong,
felt something was terribly wrong
For without his winch,
things were starting to pinch
and something was starting to pong....

LTS

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM

The folks in Orillia eat cheese
With almost whatever they please
They put it on toffee
They stir it in coffee
But it just makes poor Hesperis sneeze

I kid you not. The people in this town would probably eat rabbit turds if they had melted cheese poured on them.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Banjer
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM

'Spaws situation sounds kinda like the 'Ooh-Ooh' bird condition. That's the bird with the 6" pecker and the 2" legs...Whenever he tries to land you can hear him calling "ooh-ooh-ooh'....never did hear what he cries when he does land...any thoughts?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:18 PM

No, that's the Oomi Gooli bird - it has extremely short legs and when it comes in to land you hear the charachteristic cry of Oomi Gooli...

Brings a whole different meaning to skid marks....

LTS

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:14 PM

All this talk of Dick size is a con
and, my word , how you boys do go on
hurling barbs to and fro
but I'll have you both know
that the score is Hawk nil Catspaw one

And the ladies with smiles on their faces
know its not size,its the knowledege of paces
and the part of the day
that is spent in foreplay
and the skill of touching the right places

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:31 PM

Spaw, I hate to break it to you, but if I saw someone with your alleged dimensions headed my way, I'd be running the other way really fast. Probably screaming.

Carol (who will have limericks later)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:33 PM

I sit viewing my screen in amazement
At these men whose dicks hit the pavement
Too big for my taste
So I remain pure and chaste
In the end, it is I who'll pass judgment

Not bad for a first go, eh?

moonjen

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:43 PM

Way to go, Jenny! You are now officially a member of the Orillia clique!!! Break out the champagne.

As for Spaw, he can have his 6 foot schlong, if he can find a female elephant (or perhaps a blue whale) willing to overlook his other more obvious flaws... :-)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:50 PM

You haven't read the Rick Kane thread lately. Yesterday, I became an Honourary Canadian Citizen, but it all hinged upon whether I was going to be inducted into the Orillia Non-Clickety-Clack-Cleek. Now, my worries are over. Yeah, eh?

moonjen doing the Maple Leaf Rag

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 08:43 PM

moonjen,

Make sure they give you a key to the Orillia Municipal Porta-potty. Don't mind the man waving from the door. He's mostly friendly.

Carol

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 09:04 PM

See! I have no problem with it, eh.

Glad you're now officially a Member of the NON-clique, moonjen. Congratulations!

A woman as chaste as the moon
Sought in Orillia a rune
For a clickety-cleek
To join she did seek:
When she got in, she swallowed her spoon!

I am baaaad, eh?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 09:50 PM

Oh, hespy, you are BAAAAD, in a GOOOD way!

I shall take my responsibility as an Honourary Orillian quite seriously and shall uphold the standards, such as they are, with the utmost care.

I shall don my mail and fight the good fight, in the name of Orillia.

To see that all 69 donut shops are fully stocked with Tim Horton donuts and coffee and that the local constabulary is kept well-fed and to fat to run after anyone ...

To see that the lock on the Orillia Municipal Porta-potty is kept with key and the hinges well greased ...

To visit every truckstop to gather up all "Half-Dead-Ted" cds and tapes, so as to not cause a blight on the good Orillia name ...

I shall promise and cross my heart with my living bra to become a semi-permanent fixture at Don's Coffeehouse ...

And, last but not least, I shall attend song circle every Monday night, if only in spirit, and if only to carry the many harps of the one called Little Hawk and the geetar of the one called flattop who only changes one string-at-a-time every six months.

moonjen lowly new member of the Orillia non-clickety-clack-cleek

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:46 AM

A man with a six foot long johnson
Who wanted to go to Wisconsin
Created a fuss
When he boarded the bus
Cause they couldn't fit all of his schlong in

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:25 AM

how to tell whos the non-clique in Orillia
(a non-clique, theres a thought just to thrill ya)
their dress is toned down
like the rest of the town
but their knickers, their knickers are frillier

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:40 AM

Bugger, forgot the line breaks
how to tell whos the non-clique in Orillia
(a non-clique, theres a thought just to thrill ya)
their dress is toned down
like the rest of the town
but their knickers, their knickers are frillier

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:00 AM

Excellent, Micca! Those line breaks are elusive little devils, aren't they?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:22 AM

I normally wouldn't purloin
A rhyme of another man's groin,
Though I'm up to the task.
I'll simply just ask,
Is this private, or can anyone join

in?      Oh bugger!

Steve

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:35 AM

Steve - yes. Definitely.

Micca - beautiful! Glad to see you here.

Carol - Oh, my, GOD! I laughed so hard at that, I almost sprayed my keyboard!!! Almost. (It was just water anyway, but still...)

Sheesh, I'm going to have to come up with another one now. I couldn't get in Mudcat last night, and that sorta gave me a reprieve.

hesperis, gone to scribble.
(Hey, it's better than "gone to hell", eh?)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Dave Forshaw, UK
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:55 AM

there was a young man named McEwan
Said why be bothered with screwin'
It's safer & neeter to fingre your peter
and besides, you can see what you're doin'!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Grab
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:57 AM

Regardless of taste, sense or style,
The 'cat always goes the extra mile
On gross-out sick jokes,
That poor newbie folks
Aren't sure whether to puke or to smile.

Knob jokes - well just fantasise
With a sausage balloon in your strides.
But one little prick
On that pneumatic dick
And it goes flaccid and loses its rise.

Grab.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 11:58 AM

The Spaw's oversized animation Was discovered in hot excitation But the Judge offered closure On public exposure, If he'd flagpole on civic Occasions!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 12:41 PM

So it's in grammarless Fringlish. It's still a limerick!

C'est fait avec papier maché
Je ne sait pas comme il est attaché
(Spaw said his schlong
was a big six feet long!)
Je pense qu'il a fait l'imaginé

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 01:28 PM

My five years of French (a LONG time ago) actually enabled me to read that. :)

This is off what appears to be the official limerick subject, but here's one I did for our knitting guild picnic awhile back:

There once was a gal who loved knittin
With fine yarn she was quite besmitten
Her closets were full
Of cotton and wool
With hardly enough room for spittin.

Back to regularly scheduled programming...

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 01:41 PM

all KimCs group so loved knitten
and on Spaws endowment were hittin
to make it less rude
they knitted a snood
for the organ, but, made it tight fittin

To give it some art and some style
and make its appearence less vile
but the cause of Spaws peeve
was its fine raglan sleeve
so tight that it caused a strained smile

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:05 PM

Let's see now. I'm very new at this sort of thing, so forgive please!

I once knew a man with a small one,
who claimed it wasn't the size when your done.

He said it was talent, and me, not very gallent,
Said 'Imagine someone with talent, AND A BIG ONE!'

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:10 PM

Les gens qui conversent avec Spaw
Se trouvent souvent bien hors du loi;
Car ils parlent de son paille,
Et ils revent de son taille,
Mais le toucher ils n' osent pas!!

Ils disent que c'est bien sur enorme!
Et ils parlent de son longueur et forme
Mais quand meme, c'est bien sur
Qu'ils parlent de leur peur,
Car c'est tres en exces de la norme!

Ciao, tous les copains,

Amos

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bigchuck
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:22 PM

Oh ye'll be sorry ye starrted this one when Midchuck gets back from the woods, ye will.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:33 PM

Kim C - Spaw isn't the Official limerick subject, he's just the biggest one. *OOPS!*

Amos - I am in awe. Est-ce que tu parles Francais tout le temps?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:51 PM

Do I really want to get involved in this game? I must be foolish the throw this into the mix but here goes:

The subject is the size of a penis,
Mine's not long but it isn't the teeniest,
And "service" I say,
Is just not my play,
But on slow loving I am the keenest.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:05 PM

No, I don't get to speak it often, and I have forgotten a lot about how to speak it well, but I make up in enthusiasm what I lack in precision. It ain't much more than doggerel with a French twist.

You could call it poodlerel.

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:06 PM

Naemanson is proud of his wiener
He claims it's an in-betweener
He claims to love slow
But the person who'd know
Is his lady - has anyone seen 'er?

Annamill likes an oversized phallus
On a talented man (like Steve Dallas?)
What she needs to surmise
Is that men with the size
Don't develop the talent; they're callous.

-A Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:16 PM

ROTFLMAO, mousethief. Nicely done!

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:19 PM

Thanks, Amos!

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:22 PM

Nonny Mouse, I didn't say I liked oversized phalluses, I just dislike compensating braggards. ('cept for 'spaw)

love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:37 PM

Oh, anna, what a lovely term "compensating braggards!" I'll tuck it away in my recesses for future use. And I'm sure I will have future use for the term. ~}

moonjen

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Midchuck
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

When ol' 'Spaw, in an amourous sweat,
Approached Moonjen, the flatpicklette,
She said, "Wow, is it long!
But the angle is wrong!
Has the tension rod been maxed out yet?"

More later.

Peter.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: DonMeixner
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

Asked the Urologist of his patient named Jacque,
"Can you Do It while lacking a cock"?
"Its not as hard as all that
for I use a ball bat.
It's called Hickory Dickory Doc!"

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:42 PM

Micca, you think that's funny --- but a friend of mine (and this is someone I've known since we were kids, for better than 20 years) saw me knitting socks one day and asked if I could make him one to go on his, ah, his Friend. Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers used to do. I said it was probably possible but not likely!

My old French isn't good enough to translate Amos's post. :(

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:45 PM

Annamill said to yours truly, "Mouse,
"I don't care how Nature endows
"a man who will brag
"about his undersized flag-
pole. A compensating braggart's a louse!"

To Anna I say, "I'm so sorry!
"I mistook your intentions bizarrely
"I thought you were saying
"You'd like to try laying
"With a man with a rod like a Harley!"

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:50 PM

KinC, in certain adult stores and joke shops in the UK the sell those as Presents, called "Willie Warmers" complete with fittings for the "attachments"

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:02 PM

This one's a real reach.

Oh Nonny, you've got me so harried,
To create a rhyme to be carried.
I don't mean to be rude, again you've miscon - screwed ;-)
but you must remember, I'm married!

** BG **

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:13 PM

Annamill, I am sure that your hubby
Has a whale of an interleg clubby
But, "There's some kinds of pleasure
A tape rule can't measure,"
Say us guys with the tools that are nubby.

-Mouse