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BS: National Logic
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Subject: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 29 Nov 00 - 02:15 PM Just having some fun. Here are some examples of "logic" from different countries of the world. Please feel free to add your own examples! (PS yes I wrote this; aren't I clever?!) ----------- Germany: The Serbians killed the Archduke of Austria; let's invade France! France: Let's be so nasty to tourists, our language will remain undefiled! Sweden: Let's make this fish so smelly that nobody else wants any, then there will be more for us! Russia: The Tsar was a ruthless dictator! Let's replace him with Stalin! Japan: Let's eat fish which is hard to prepare correctly and which, if prepared wrong, will kill us! Italy: Let's hold another election! Israel: The way to make the Palestinians more friendly is to kill and harrass more of them! Palestine: The way to make the Israelis give us our own nation is to throw rocks at them! England: Every 25 years let's privatize everything, then 25 years later, buy it back! USA: Let's elect either George W. Bush or Al Gore for president! Canada: Let's emulate the US as closely as possible, then get mad when they think we're at all like them! Mexico: Let's all go to the USA illegally, then get mad when we're sent back! Cuba: (no one left to have any logic; they all swam to Florida) New Zealand: Let's all move to Australia! Australia: Let's drink a lot of beer and enjoy life! ------- Conclusion: Australian logic is best. ©2000 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved. Please feel free to send to your friends but leave this copyright notice on. Thanks!
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Willie-O Date: 29 Nov 00 - 02:40 PM Well being Canadian I have to pick on the Americans, most of whom are now asking: "How come we in 'the worlds greatest democracy' can't sort out this election so that the guy who got less votes can be definitely declared the winner?" This is something we know perfectly well how to do. The NDP government of B.C. got fewer votes than the provincial Liberals and have been enjoying power ever since. Except for ex-premier Glen Clark, who now answers to the same question as the one asked of the banjo player wearing a three piece suit: "Will the defendant please rise?" W-O |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 12:52 AM Is the thing about the banjo-player an in-joke? You lost me. Sorry nobody thought this was funny. That's the thing about humor, sometimes it works and sometimes it falls flat. But you gotta keep throwin' 'em out there. Sooner or later you'll hook something. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Bagpuss Date: 30 Nov 00 - 05:08 AM Mouse - I thought it was really funny - but was too busy copying it and sending it to friends (with the copyright attached of course) so i forgot to reply and tell you how funny I thought it was!!! Bagpuss |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 30 Nov 00 - 07:39 AM I like it, but then what do I know? I mean, Bill Clinton's humor cracks me up. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Grab Date: 30 Nov 00 - 08:14 AM California: Let's build our cities in an active earthquake zone, right on the fault line, and in an area with no natural water supplies. Florida: Hey everybody, this is hurricane country. Cool, let's live here. England: Who needs food that tastes of anything? US: Who needs beer that tastes of anything? Grab, (c) Nobody, parking space reserved. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Irish sergeant Date: 30 Nov 00 - 09:16 AM Mousethief: Great piece of work! More examples Iraq-Let's violate the UN sanctions as often as possible to offend the U.S., get bombed and still starve. Uganda- We elected Idi Amiin. What more do you want. America- The George and Al show. Cuban Refugees in America-our home is a dictatorship. Let's go to America and create hate and discontent anytime it looks like the government is going to normalize relations or do anything we don't like like giving a six year old boy back to his father (rather than going back to Cuba and trying to overthrow Castro, we might get imprisoned there if we did that.) Russia- We have a Sub in trouble Don't tell anyone until it's too late to save the men who serve the Rodina. Mine aren't as funny as yours alas. Sometimes lack of logic isn't a humorous thing. Still, your work brought a smile this morning. Have to get to work or the novel is never going to get done. Kindest reguards, Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Midchuck Date: 30 Nov 00 - 09:33 AM Grab: That should be "Who needs mass-market beer that tastes of anything?" If you've never had Anchor Steam or Sam Adams or Long Trail Hibernator or Otter Creek Hickory Switch Smoked Amber...or any of a few thousand regional microbrews from other areas, I can only pity you. Peter (who has been known to refuse Budweiser and drink diet pepsi instead.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Gervase Date: 30 Nov 00 - 09:44 AM Food that tastes of something, eh? Whenever I've bought chicken at Tesco's, I swear I can taste the anchovy meal the little buggers were fed on, and the antibiotics with which they were drenched... But hang on; ever tasted a proper Colston Bassett Stilton, a proper rib of organic beef on the bone, a well-hung pheasant (aw, c'mon 'Spaw, resist that urge!), steak, kidney, oyster and Guinness pudding, Worcester sauce, Gentleman's Relish, Colman's Mustard...? Come to think of it, we Brits clearly like stuff that tastes like a Turkish wrestler's gusset! Most illogical, captain. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Mrrzy Date: 30 Nov 00 - 09:58 AM I am reminded of the Guide Bleu to England's gloss of the cuisine, something like "overcooked vegetables lightly spiced with water" - and Gervase, what IS "gentleman's relish?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Gervase Date: 30 Nov 00 - 10:01 AM Gentleman's Relish? Do you really want to know? The main ingredients are anchovies and butter, with a few herbs and spices added in. Goes wonderfully with scrambled egg (when done with eggs on toast, it's known as Scotch Woodcock, and is scrumptious - if you like Turkish wrestlers..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 10:53 AM I would just say "who needs beer?" but I realize I'm in the minority here. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Bill D Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:05 AM Brazil..."Let's glorify women...and beat them black & blue when they disobey us"....."and while we're at it, lets chop up and burn the greatest rain forest on the planet so we can have more space to send poor people." Peru..."Lets elect a Japanese ex-patriot president....if he deosn't work out, maybe we can find some decendant of Pizzaro to lead us." Columbia.."We need a cash crop...lets find one that will cause murders at home and make the U.S. mad at us." Ireland..."Who need to travel around the world to wage war? We can have one right here at home....then we can write moving songs about it and sell CDs" tsk...I am not sure I have the knack, I am beginning to sound grumpy, not funny.
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:36 AM Yeah, Bill D, in general the things you pick on have to be fairly silly and not serious in terms of life-and-death or human rights and such. The Israeli and Palestinian things in my original probably should be excised. How 'bout we replace it with: Egypt: Let's build a dam that puts the some of the most ancient and well-preserved archaeological sites in the world under 100 feet of water! Ireland: Let's make it a symbol of national pride to kiss a rock! Scotland: Let's make it a symbol of national pride to sit on a rock! Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Bert Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:43 AM Scotland: We don't need to learn our own language because we speak English so badly that no one can understand us. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Bat Goddess Date: 30 Nov 00 - 11:55 AM Wait a minute -- oyster and Guinness pudding? Can you post a recipe or PM me? It sounds w*o*n*d*e*r*f*u*l!!! Bat Goddess |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 12:13 PM Ewwww. Beer and oysters together. Why not throw some vegemite in too? |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 30 Nov 00 - 12:43 PM Alex, go back to your Campbell soup and Bologna-on-white-bread-with-mayo sandwiches. *BG* I want that recipe too! I can't have the alcohol but that'll all cook out and I'll get the Guiness flavor. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 12:53 PM White bread. I'm so sure. 100% whole wheat, you mean. I prefer bread with both flavor and texture, thank you very much. And bologna? Liberals don't eat bologna. Get a grip, man. I can drink beer if I want to, I just don't want to. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: sophocleese Date: 30 Nov 00 - 03:59 PM Why not, mousethief? What's wrong with you? |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 04:09 PM Operative taste buds? Ability to say "no" to something I don't enjoy? Unwillingness to endure the process of "acquiring a taste for" something I don't really need? Crazy, I know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Micca Date: 30 Nov 00 - 04:36 PM Hi Kleptomouse, how are you on single malts??? I can understand someone not wanting to acquire the taste for beer, But malt whiskeys?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: mousethief Date: 30 Nov 00 - 05:24 PM Well, I do have a bottle of The Glenlivet that I nurse from time to time, when the atmosphere is just right. So yes, single malts work for me. Oh yes. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: NightWing Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:27 PM Hey! Post that recipe for oyster and Guinness pudding. We ALL want to see it, I think! Guinness Extra Stout: tipple of the gods
BB, |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:35 PM Diet Pepsi. Tipple of them what have tippled a little too much. *sigh* But, by God, it was a good run while it lasted! And my taste buds remember. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 01 Dec 00 - 09:41 PM Cuba: let's have baseball as our national game...
(And mousethief, the banjo players you know must be sober well-mannered pillars-of-society. I haven't met many like that myself...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Gervase Date: 02 Dec 00 - 10:49 AM Steak, Kidney and Oyster pudding? Essentially the same as an ordinary S&K pud, but with oysters (usually just under the crust). There's something about oysters that acts like natural MSG, enhancing the flavour of whatever they're with. Freshly shucked oysters are ideal, but the tinned variety you get from the local deli will do just as well. The S&K should be made with topside and pigs kidney, cut up into small cubes and shaken in a bag with some seasoned flour (pepper , ground mustard and mixed spice is what I use). Heat an onion in some dripping until just browning, add some diced carrot, and parsnip, then chuck in the floured meat to brown. Slake the floury/sticky gunge at the bottom of the pan with half a pint of Guinness (or half-and-half Guiness and beef stock) add a shot of Worcester sauce or mushroom ketchup, a bayleaf, then some chopped field mushrooms (the blacker the gills the better) and cook over a gentle heat for at least an hour. Allow to cool and pour into a bowl lined with suet pastry (a bit of chopped rosemary in the suet isn't bad). Half a dozen oysters then go on the top just before you plop a suet lid on, seal the edges, wrap in cloth and steam for a couple of hours. Not much help with measurements, I'm afraid, as I cook by eye, but half a pound of topside and 4oz of kidney should make a pudding fit to serve four. If you don't fancy a suet pudding and a kitchen running with steam at this time of year, you can fill an ordinary pie case with the mixture. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Grab Date: 04 Dec 00 - 09:05 AM Hey Midchuck, Gervase, who said they had to be accurate? We _are_ talking national stereotypes here, guys - come on, make nice sweeping statements with no justification if you want to fit in. ;-) I'm sure there's great local brews over in the US - it's just we don't get to see any of them over here, just bloody Budweiser and its irritating sodding adverts. And whilst English food is generally good, everyone's been to a pub/restaurant at some point and found themselves lumbered with veg that's been boiled to buggery and meat like an elephant's instep. My contribution to the foody ppl - add a bit of rosemary, thyme, onion salt (very little!), salt and pepper to your Yorkshire puddings. Grab. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 04 Dec 00 - 09:11 AM "Meat like an elephants instep" Grab, that is one of the most evocative phrases I've heard in YEARS! Thank you. You have made my day> troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Willie-O Date: 04 Dec 00 - 09:27 AM For what it's worth, to clarify my previous posting. The joke is just another banjo player joke: What do you say to a banjo player wearing a three piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise." BC premier Glen Clark resigned in disgrace earlier this year (I think it was this year) because he was the subject of a very public police investigation of a peculiar coincidence--he helped a neighbour get a casino operators licence (which he shouldn't have done in the first place) and said neighbour subsequently did some renovations on Mr Clark's house at an extraordinarily reasonable rate. Mr. Clark is now a defendant, having been officially charged a few weeks ago. But never mind that. Here's some Scottish national logic for you: A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman were slated to die on the guillotine one day during the French REvolution. When they tried to execute the French and then the English prisoner, the guillotine malfunctioned; this was considered an act of God so the lucky bastards were freed. Then the Scotsman laid down, facing up towards the dreadful blade with an inquisitive look. Before the executioner could pull the lever, the prisoner shouted: Willie-O
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 05 Dec 00 - 08:36 AM Willie-o - I've always hear that one with it being an Irish lad who helpfully sorts it out. "I think I see your problem" ,and he reaches his hand out and moves the obstruction out of the way as the blade comes down.
What I find interest here is that the same joke here plays with different national stereotypes, but sympathetically in both cases.
With it being a Scot the stereotypoe is of a Scottish Engineer - a man with an irresistable urge to sort out the mechanics of things that are broken; with it being an Irishman it's of a man who is helpful and ingenious, but is prone to not keeping all the aspects of the situation in his head at the same time. (And I recognise myself in that.)
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Gary T Date: 05 Dec 00 - 09:52 AM From "How to Repair Your Foreign Car", by Dick O'kane, (c)1968: You see, every nationality has its own philosophy of car building. To the British, everthing is a sporting proposition and the removal of a starter motor is really a game to see who is more clever--you, trying to figure out how to get it off, or the designer who figured out how to get it on. When the thing finally comes loose and lands on your nose, you've won. Polite applause. On the other hand, the Germans would rather you didn't fool around with the mechanicals at all. Who are you, with your crude tools and your pittance of knowledge, defiling an object that took teams of Germany's finest technical minds to conceive? Besides, it can't break. When it does, though, you're supposed to take it to a high priest from the factory who has the specialized tools, the patience and, above all, the training to fix it correctly. Said hight priest, by the way, asks and gets up to seven dollars an hour for his services, so, bearing that in mind, go ahead and defile. The Swedes build strapping good, strong cars that'll go over, around, under and through anything. And as long as it starts in the morning and keeps running, you won't mind if there are American, Whitworth and metric fittings all on the same car, now will you? The French? Ahh, the French. Who can begin to understand the French? |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 05 Dec 00 - 10:04 AM The British. Ah yes, the British. A self-made race, thus relieving the Almighty of a terrible responsibility. And the Irishman, of course. He doesn't know what he believes in, but he's willing to fight to the death for it. Mayonaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in lieu of a state relegion. (Bierce) The Scots; who kept the Sabath. And anything else they could get their hands on. And, of course, he Welsh. They prayed on their knees on Sunday and on their neighbors the rest of the week. And what can one say of the Germans that isn't either the truth or a compliment? troll an equal opportunity offender |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton Date: 06 Dec 00 - 10:06 AM What about the aborigines in Australia? Are they second-class citizens and are they denied the right to vote as African-Americans are in South Florida? Frank
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Bert Date: 06 Dec 00 - 11:51 AM Frank, (sorry about the thread drift guys) I read that about the voters in Florida being turned away. Why does no one seem bothered about it? It makes me really mad. What can be done about it??? Bert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Grab Date: 06 Dec 00 - 03:08 PM Gary T, some obvious omissions on the cars... The Italians build cars that are beautiful, sexy and desirable. Unfortunately they're also awkward, fickle and unreliable. And expensive to maintain. The Americans never design new cars. More cars keep being churned out, but they've not changed the design since the 50's when everything was just _better_. Grab.
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Subject: RE: BS: National Logic From: Troll Date: 06 Dec 00 - 11:30 PM Frank, the allegations that some African-Americans were not allowed -for a variety of reasons- to vote in South Florida is under investigation. While I am sure that racism may have played a part, there are many legitimate reasons why they were disinfranchised. For one thing, if you move and don't notify the Supervisor of Elections, you will not be on the rolls in the new precinct. In some counties, if you don't vote for two years, you are purged from the rolls. Illegal aliens are not allowed to vote; there are a lot of those in South Florida. You must bring a picture ID as well as your voter registration card. Many did not. There were apparently a lot of problems in South Florida. Hopefully we'll get them sorted out and, if illegal acts ocurred, the responsible parties will be held accountable. To intimate, as you have done, that it was all racism serves no useful purpose and is divisive in the extreme. To a child with a hammer, everything is a nail. troll |