Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 15 Jul 02 - 06:07 PM OK, so it took me a while longer than a day to come up with this Challenge! (hehehe) . . . My PT really took a lot out of me; but, the good news is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm feeling much more hopeful about things. Enough of that, now. Let's get to the good stuff! Hope you all have your crayons sharpened and plenty of TP ready for this one -- I'm expecting great things from my darlin' Challenge!rs (as usual!). So, Go For It, Challenge!rs!!! -- Áine (who's tickled to pieces that she can touch her toes again!!)
'I See Your Future Growing Bigger And Bigger' (Hamburg, Germany) A German clairvoyant is reading his clients' futures by feeling their naked bottoms. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 12:57 AM Áine, welcome back! Glad to hear you are on the mend. Gotta give this one some thought. Don't wannna leap into the breach prematurely, y'know. But what makes folks think that being blind would keep a guy from getting "a thrill from the buttock reading?" Isn't the lack of one sense supposed to intensify the others? ;-) Anyway, Amos-- who is probably somewhere around Redding or the Bay Area by now -- will be delighted that you're back among the living. (See note at the Pacif. NW gathering thread.) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:18 AM A parody of "The German Clockwinder" – an oul' Dubliners' number. THE GERMAN CLAIRVOYANT A German clairvoyant to Dublin once came Herr Doktor Ulf Buck was the oul' German's name And as he was windin' his way down The Strand He grabbed my bumcheeks in his prescient hands Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Your future, he says, it is hard for to tell Unless your thick clothing you choose to dispel For you can't read a book till you turn the first page And unless you are stripped, then your life I can't gauge Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Don't fear for your honour, for I cannot see I lost my sight at the young age of three No ulterior motive, no lechy intent I am a most noble, dispassionate gent Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay So into my lodgings, face down on my bed My fine nether garments before him I shed He poked and he prodded, he fumbled and felt And me lyin' there in my natural pelt Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay I see in your future a row with your man A laddy as muscled as Desperate Dan And heavens above, the oul' future's not bright For Herr Doktor Buck who has no gift of sight Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay And with that the door opened, and filling the frame Stood my darling husband, Hugh Divney by name With an oath and a curse he lit on Doktor Buck And through the room window the Doktor he chucked Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Ah, wife Maryanne, ah, wife Maryanne Why did you take in such an innocent man? To fondle your arse and leave me on the shelf? If your fortune needs telling, sure I'll tell it meself Singing toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lumma-lumma Toora-lye-ay Toora-lye-oora-lye-oora-lye-ay
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:54 AM A skit on "The Cobbler's Daughter" as sung by Kate Rusby. THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER I am a farmer's daughter and me arse is four-feet wide Much fame attaches to my name on account of my backside It's at the village pump They gossip 'bout my rump The most splendid rear that you have ever seen I am a farmer's daughter, I'm broad around the hips Some men aspire, and some admire, my praise is on their lips But jealous of my size Some women folk surmise That I'd be more attractive if more lean It's at the travelling circus, I met the German seer The seer said the future's read from fondling the rear He doesn't study palms Instead he studies hams From whose topography the future can be gleaned Bend over dear he says to me and let me have a feel For in the braille of your fair tail, the future is revealed As his digits he applied From shock he nearly died From information overload, it seems Here he found the future and there he found the past The now and ever shall be in the contours of my ass You are a unique case A walking database From now on my life's work your bum shall be You're the oracle of Delphi, with pleasure then, he squealed The more I mooned, he nearly swooned, as more knowledge I revealed Each dimple and each crease Each mole on my tailpiece Some light upon the future shed a beam Oh wed me said the seer and be my darling wife And I shall live in ecstasy as long as I have life Beside you in the bed No man better-read Nimble-fingered on your arse I'll be The farmer's daughter's husband knows all there is to know The answer to all questions is in my down-below My buttocks are a wonder Which nightly he does plunder No couple live more happily than we
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 09:30 AM HAUL AWAY ULF!
When I was a little lad, or so Ulf Buck he told me |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: DonD Date: 16 Jul 02 - 11:27 AM To the melody of 'Anacreon in Heaven"
Oh, say can you see? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 11:43 AM Incredible, Don! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 12:23 PM Well, for starters: By The Size Of Your Flabby Old Moon words by Genie; tune: obvious By the size A honeymoon and
If I could read your tail, love, (to be continued) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: wysiwyg Date: 16 Jul 02 - 12:24 PM How do you think I got to be the kinda girl that knows it ALL? ~S~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 01:28 PM If You Could Read Behinds, Doc New words by Genie; tune: by Gordon Lightfoot If you could read behinds, Doc, what a tale my tail would tell, And if I show you mine, Doc, what a tale its warts could tell, I stand there bare like a porno star who gets groped in a three-way script. If you could "read behinds," Doc, what a bill of goods you'd sell, apostrophes inserted and 'a' added by mudelf ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 01:33 PM BRAVA! - but Genie - why are your post lately having all sorts of strange characters in them (versus the strange charactors you are speaking to..) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 01:59 PM MMario, I think you are referring to some occasions recently when I have composed the post using Netscape Composer and then cut and pasted it into the Mudcat thread. If you do your composition in Composer, as Amos taught me, and then go to "Source View" and cut ONLY the text and paste that into the thread, all your formatting is preserved. BUT--as I have learned the hard way--if you have included some of your own typed-in HTML code within your text it will show up in the post as if it were text, but slightly altered. So if I want to do a blue clicky and want to use Composer, I put in the HTML code as usual, but after I paste the post into the thread--before I Submit it--I need to fix (retype) a couple of things in the HTML code that got changed in the cut and paste. If that's too complicated to be palatable, all you need to know is that it's a software thing and I know how to avoid it--provided I'm paying attention when I'm cutting, pasting, and posting. Genie On the other hand, if you're talking about this: §;- ) that's a self-portrait emoticon. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:10 PM Now I notice that there are some "+" signs scattered thru my epic poem. A few days ago, the same thing happened, but with question marks. Now THAT is a mystery to me. And, Mudself, when I look at my lyrics pre-post--the ones I cut and pasted--, all the apostrophes are there, just as it shows up here in the thread. Were they missing from the post? I DID leave out the word "a" in the first line of the last verse ("...what a bill of goods you'd sell...). Anyway, folks, computer gremlins do exist. I'm sure of it. Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:17 PM they had mutated Genie. They weren't apostrophes no more. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:20 PM Weird. Gotta be the gremlins. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: mousethief Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:42 PM How about a folk rap? Baby Got Tracks
I read your butts and I cannot lie I can't do any more. Sorry. Alex |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Deda Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:54 PM It's a delight to have Aine back! So glad you're feeling better. I'm at work so I'll have to sneak back later, if I have any luck. Oh boy, song challenge is back, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 02:55 PM Very appropriate, Alex--a butt-groping song that needs to be done with a scratcher! LOL!
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: mousethief Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:07 PM Put Your Buns in the Hand
(Chorus – repeat after each verse)
My mama told me how to tell the future reading palms and tea leaves (repeat chorus)
Every time I wanna know what the future holds I go to Hamburg (repeat chorus interminably, and fade) Copyright ©2002 Alex E Riggle. All Rights Reserved. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:25 PM Well, Alex, you beat me to that song (I was thinking along the lines of "Put Your Can In The Hand Of The Man Who Feels Your Future"), but you done the song proud! Genie
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:34 PM you people are all |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: mousethief Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:39 PM Tush (think ZZ Top)
I been blind -- a long time
I can tell -- what's to come
So just take -- off your pants Copyright ©2002 Alex E Riggle. All Rights Reserved. (my but this is a hard one to put down. I mean, um...) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: mousethief Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:47 PM Okay, I read everybody else's songs finally (I didn't want to be "influenced" -- silly, I know). Great stuff, everybody! Genie, you're a wizard, as always. Derrymacash, simply awe-inspiring! "Information overload," indeed! Mmario and DonD, very nice also! I'm simply delighted the song challenge! is back. :) Alex |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 03:49 PM You must be coming at it from the wrong direction Alex.
oh my - did I actually type that? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:00 PM Well, somebody's gotta do that classic Beatles song: "I Wanna Feel Your Can." This would also be a good time for a parody of the Danny Boy parody "London Derriere." "Hamburg Derriere," maybe? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:13 PM HAMBURG/DERRY-AIRE
"Oh Heinrich lad, your fate, your fate is calling
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:22 PM LOL, MMario! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:32 PM I've got a little behind with me work, I've been slaving away like a Turk, When I fondle each bum I find what is to come, Just a little behind with me work.
A little behind, I'll confess
A little behind, or perhaps
A little behind or a lot, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: SharonA Date: 16 Jul 02 - 04:45 PM I took my two buns down to Meister Ulf You know, that German with the guide-dog wolf. He's got a fad now; I heard he paws behinds... More later! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 16 Jul 02 - 05:08 PM Well dang, y'all! And here I was worried when nobody had 'answered the call' for a few hours yesterday . . . but, my faith has been restored!! I knew you'd like this one ;-) So, without further ah-doo, here are your B.L.O.B.s -- -- Áine
To derrymacash for:
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: mousethief Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:33 PM The Old Prognosticator (tune: The Old Settler/Acres of Clams)
I've traveled all over this planet
First I thought he was some kind of pervert
So I went down to Hamburg to meet him
Then she led me into a small chamber
I was nervous as you can imagine
Well I left in a huff, let me tell you
And then would you believe in a fortnight Copyright ©2002 Alex E Riggle. All Rights Reserved. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 16 Jul 02 - 06:51 PM Feeling Your Bum Again Lyrics: Sonja W. Oates ©2002; parody of Falling In Love Again Feeling your bum again, Clairvoyance is my game, Some say that folks wear their hearts upon their sleeves, Feeling your bum again, Falling In Love Again - (sung by Marlene Dietrich) Falling in love again, Love's always been my game, Men cluster to me like moths around a flame, Falling in love again, ~SWO~ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: SINSULL Date: 16 Jul 02 - 08:09 PM And where exactly is my lifeline????? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Amos Date: 16 Jul 02 - 08:42 PM Just aft of the heart line, I believe! :>) A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 16 Jul 02 - 10:04 PM Dunno, Sins, I guess ya have to ask Dr. Ulf. ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 16 Jul 02 - 10:23 PM The Bare Bums Of Meldorf (Tune: The Streets Of Laredo) As I herded my sheep down the streets of old Meldorf, I spied a small sign, 'Buck Reads Bare Bums,' it said, My red, trail-worn cheeks, they parted in laughter, A bright idea shooting straight up to my head. For years I'd been dealing with the Miser of Mencken, A burg just a few twists and turns down the road, And tired of his cheatin' and beatin' my price down, I thought of a way to drain his motherlode. The dogs heard my whistle, and going to work, They halted the flock just outside the Bucks' door, With a ewe in each arm, I bravely strode forward, And soon we were standing on the living room floor. I have to say here, that old Ulf is a nice man, With smooth and warm hands, and a beautiful wife, Though laughed at by some, his fervant endeavour, Is to help all his clients lead a well and full life. In the space of an hour, three bums bared and well read, Myself and my flock, we were back on the trail, And as we traversed up the mountain to Mencken, I tried to ponder my fate, but to no avail. No more did that miser cheat me out of money, That Ulf Buck of Meldorf, he changed my whole life, Of all of the futures he's read, mine's the strangest, For now I am rich with a be-ewe-ti-ful wife! (insert sheepish grin here . . .) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 17 Jul 02 - 12:12 AM Oooooh, more B.L.O.B. candidates!! Here ya go, then: To mousethief for: I was nervous as you can imagine T'have this stranger touch my derriere Then he said, "Ach mein Lieber! It's yoost like The hair on the back of a bear!" And to Sonja for: Feeling your bum again, Nothing vile or rude-- Hey, I'm a doctor, dude, It's my calling! Bravo and Brava, respectively!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 17 Jul 02 - 12:34 AM Áine, thanks for the B.L.O.B. But (no pun intended), that song of yours was ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad! ¤;-D |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Amos Date: 17 Jul 02 - 01:05 AM A SIlver BLOB to the Goddess !! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: SharonA Date: 17 Jul 02 - 08:24 AM Ha ha ha ha!! These songs are great!!! Bravo, everyone. Awrightee, here's the one I started yesterday... A FORTUNE FROM BEHIND (Tune: "Love Potion Number Nine" by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller) Pronunciation Guide: Ideally, "fortune" should be pronounced "FO-chun" ;^) I took my two buns down to Meister Ulf – You know, that German with the guide-dog wolf – He's got a fad, now; I heard he paws 'em blind, Tellin' kids his fondles tell A fortune from behind. I told him that I was a cop. His fix Of skin's against the law, so nix his tricks! I wrote out a ticket and said, "Just read this!" "Nein," He said, "All I read is A fortune from behind. "So bend down and turn around and don't be a fink," He said, "I'm gonna feel you up. Your future is pink! You'll get a third of what I make. I'll give you a mink..." I held his wrist. I cuffed his ass. He's in the clink! He'll never go out in the daytime light. I doubt he's missing Meldorf's bums tonight 'Cause when he pissed this cop off who'd heard he paws 'em blind, The pokey's where I thought he'll have A fortune from behind A fortune from behind A fortune from be-hi-yi-yi-yi-yinnnnd! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Amos Date: 17 Jul 02 - 08:39 AM WOW!, A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 17 Jul 02 - 02:05 PM LMAO, Sharon! Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Amos Date: 17 Jul 02 - 03:57 PM As the official Depiddy Dawg I decree a A Blob Argent with Guiness Rampant for the GG's own talent:
For years I'd been dealing with the Miser of Mencken And for the brazen effrontery of following through on ewe-know-what!!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 17 Jul 02 - 05:46 PM Ah shoot, SharonA, you had to go and use one of my best belov-ed golden oldie tunes for your parody -- fantastic! . . . Looks like you'll have to make room on your virtual mantel for a Silver B.L.O.B. for: "So bend down and turn around and don't be a fink," He said, "I'm gonna feel you up. Your future is pink! You'll get a third of what I make. I'll give you a mink..." I held his wrist. I cuffed his ass. He's in the clink! Whoo-whee -- purty darn fine there, girlfriend! ;-) And a big snug and hog to Amos for my most honorable mention, too. ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Genie Date: 17 Jul 02 - 08:08 PM Áine, girl, whazzup wid yer 'pewter? Ya keeps turnin' into Áine. Howz come? ©Ž–'' |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 17 Jul 02 - 09:10 PM 'Cuz that's my name . . . I think you've done something to your html mapping somewhere. On my computer, when you type my name, the first letter is a 'c' with a squiggle underneath it. I think that the Mudelf is changing it into 'normal' html . . . ;-) -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Amos Date: 17 Jul 02 - 09:39 PM çedilla? I thought ya had to go around and do the A-acute-ampersand-semicolon-ine to get anywhere with ya!! :>) A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Áine Date: 17 Jul 02 - 10:14 PM Uh, Brother Amos, on my 'puter, you gotta do a 'ampersand - A - acute - semicolon -ine' to get Áine . . . leastways, that's the way I've been doing it around here for 4 years or so . . . ;-) -- TGG (a/k/a She Who Shall Be Acuted One Day) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: MMario Date: 17 Jul 02 - 11:14 PM TGG pretty much a cutie already seems to me. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 85 From: Deda Date: 17 Jul 02 - 11:43 PM Whoops -- the line breaks didn't copy. Sorry. Here it is with them inserted:
He didn't have to read my palms ,
I went to Hamburg one fine day
He said the sun would shine for me from this day forth,
He didn't have to read my palm
He said good friends and wealth would come to me real soon,
His prices seemed a little high
He said I'd marry me a millionaire duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-) |
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