The Twelve Nights of Christmas

Subject: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: Vincent Jones
Date: 06 Dec 25 - 02:34 PM

A forgotten gem(?) of my adolescence.

As I'm approaching my dotage I'd like to be reminded of the missing six days. My memory stretches thus far:

On the seventh night of Christmas I took to bed with me
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five ?
Four virgin maids
Three French whores
Two shithouse doors
And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu

I won't be singing it at the folk club, or even whispering it while my daughter is around for Christmas as she is even more ideologically sound than I am, but I'm hoping that if I know the whole of the lyric it will stop it from being a constant earworm that's becoming almost as persistent as my tinnitus.

Ta. And merry Christmas.

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: GerryM
Date: 06 Dec 25 - 03:34 PM

There are several virgins, I mean, versions, at https://www.diamondgeezers.org.uk/sounds/lyrics/onthefirstdayof.html

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: GerryM
Date: 06 Dec 25 - 03:37 PM

A version close to what you want was posted to this very website, 20 years ago, by Joe Fineman. Look for

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Nov 04 - 10:14 PM

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Dec 25 - 03:52 PM

Thanks for the search breadcrumbs, Gerry!

New words for the 12 days of Christmas (link goes directly to the Joe_F contribution).

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Dec 25 - 05:33 PM

Many years ago a friend re-wrote the original lyrics as her 18yo nephew was on his first visit from the UK to the dangerous Land of Oz, & had a dread of all our creepy crawlies. 12 of us stood on stage holding up a page saying SNAKE, SPIDER, etc etc as we & the whole audience sang away.

Gerry, were you there that night?

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: GerryM
Date: 07 Dec 25 - 02:52 AM

Sandra, I don't remember seeing that. I do remember writing a 12 days where all the references were folkie things – four handsome Johnnies, three pretty Pollys, that sort of thing – and I think I sang it at the Dog.

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: Vincent Jones
Date: 07 Dec 25 - 03:05 AM

Good grief. What a pic'n'mix. I've no idea why my pre-post search didn't catch any of them.

Thank you all.

Subject: RE: The Twelve Nights of Christmas
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 08 Dec 25 - 08:04 AM

Here was my take on it:

COLD TURKEY
By the twelfth day of Christmas, I truly had to eat:-
Twelve turkey tikkas, eleven poultry pizzas,
Ten tagliatelles, nine vermicellis
Eight turkey cobblers, seven curried gobblers,
Six Norfolk goulash, five...turkey...hash,
Four buzzard stews, three ragus, two vindaloos,
And more sarnies with turkey jerky meat.