Jokes in worst possible taste

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 09 Oct 01 - 10:48 PM

Let it go? When I'm having such fun in taking the piss out of a gutless wonder. It's kinda sad when you can't see that I'm laughing at you. Oh well, nemmind if you was a regular guy they'd have given you a name (and maybe even half a ball). Then that would have taken all the fun out of me renaming you gutless.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: okthen
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 04:26 AM

R.I.P.

O.K.then?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:58 AM

Ah but Bert you in the closet gay man, dontcha know Im laughing at ya too? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA The fact that youre taking the time to post to me and call me a gutless wonder (did you think of that name all by yourself - could have come up with something better) really amazes me. Ah but Bertie ya cant help yaself now can ya? Give us a kiss Bertie - kiss the gutless wonder and then it'll all be better ! Pucker up wee Bertie!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 11:35 AM

Hey gutless, you're improving. Glad you're having fun with this too. Now you know that the term gutless wonder is quite old and it seems to fit. Why should I bother to think up a name for you, when you can't think of one for yourself. You don't yet deserve a real name (or a kiss).

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Oscar the Grouch
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 12:49 PM

Just for the record, I am the guest who was complaining about the sex-change chestnut, and am NOT Ernie the flamer!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 12:59 PM

Oh come on, everybody. We need a thread for these jokes, I thought the original post was funny, I can't believe I'm the only person. Whaddayawanna bet that most of the complainers thought it was funny and immediately felt guilty? IT'S OK TO HAVE HUMOR if you are a human being. Any other contributions to these tasteless jokes welcome, but let's save the Should there be jokes for the thread that is already about this. Why can I say this? I've already lost my father to terrorism, can any of you complainers say the same?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 01:06 PM

If you're sifting through the rubble of the WTC, and you ask somebody for a hand, you just might get 5000 or so of them!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:08 PM

Ha! Now we have one gutless guest claiming that he's not THAT gutless guest 'cos that was another gutless guest.

Actually it has been determined that there really is only one gutless guest. But, depending upon which way the wind blows, he thinks he's Napoleon, or Ernie, or Oscar.

You silly sod, do you really think that anyone gives a shit if you think you're someone else? Face it! You're a nobody. And no matter how many kisses you offer you'll never make it into the inner clique.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 02:32 PM

Max Tone.

I didn't particularly like the joke but I got your intent in the post. I am extreemly tired of the Nuke Iranistan type of joke going around as well as the folks calling murders rag heads and saying things like the did it cause their turban was too tight. I've seen a few jokes generally have not like them enough to repeat. The onion.com had a headline that caught my fancy though. It was something like...

"Terrorists Shocked to Find Themselves in Hell."

In US grocery stores you can buy Jumbo Franks, but I've never heard it as a fast food order.

bert and ernie: Thank you for elevating the level of conversation. Have you been eating your crayons again?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Red
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:27 PM

just call me a piscatorial, tumericated onionist but...
there was this chive plant, a cod and curry packet.............
bad taste? I'll say

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 05:39 PM

Better to be called an 'Onionist' than an 'Onanist'!

Your joke made me laugh though.....*G*

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 08:07 PM

OK,

So this thread's degenerated into a slagging match, and I started it, by over-reacting to the censorship request.

Any further jokes welcome here, but I've started a thread to expand on my assertions re "Exporting Ideals" here -- Economic roots of Terrorism. I've gone chicken since posting this thread, so I ain't said much, yet, until I collect my thoughts properly, an' see what other folks have to say......an' i know the Injun dig's a bit below the belt...but true.
Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 08:19 PM

Not your fault Max....you know how some trolls can be.

(& apologies again for chucking petrol on that fire...)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:05 PM

Cheers, Paul, Scott, & all others whose names have flipped past in this thread/supporters/understanding types/critics.
It make one look at justifying what you say in a fit of pique!

Also heard that Bin Liner had a starter for his celebratory meal. His first course was "Mullahgota'ye" soup. (Scots pronounciation of "Mullah got all you").

Strangely enough, a running joke in the UK for a couple of centuries is of the financier facing utter ruin,.......who flings himself from his office window......yeh....sick, but true.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:07 PM

Love means never having to say you're Saudi.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 10 Oct 01 - 09:19 PM

Ahhhhhhh Bert the inner clique that supposedly doesn't exist? If I wanted to be a member of that group of shitheads Id sign up with a name. But alas I am here to amuse you there bertie. Gutless Wonder - you never were the creative type were you? I saw your pic too - gives new meaning to the term "Flamer"!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:33 AM

Well I hadn't heard the sex change one before... thanks for posting it!

LTS

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: ponytrax
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:53 AM

Jeezle, some of y'all really had your knickers in a knot!

I wonder if it is a "family culture" difference--by "family culture" I mean something that can't be named like Protestant or WASP or Muslim or Norizbeckian or whatever, but something that a group that's related recognizes.

Geez, in my family we tell gruesome jokes at the point of death. [I am not making this up, ask me about m'dad's deathbed and then my mom's].... It is a way of holding our fears close, yet marching onward with our heads held high. YOu shoulda seen us as....several episodes of bizarre and frightening events, and we laughed our way through it, and cried in between.

So all of you who were offended, stay out of threads that promise to offend you. For all of you who like to laugh through the tears, or who balance their sorrow with laughter at [sick] or [bad taste] jokes, bring 'em on.

Maybe YOU or YOU or YOU find this distasteful, but this thread was labelled quite accurately: jokes in worst possible taste.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rory B
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:59 AM

Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor......he says...."make me one with everything".

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Kamalla Rose Kaur
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 03:31 AM

No, this is NOT Kamalla Rose Kaur, it's a software bug. Someone's software can't tell my screen name from hers. Admittedly I'm her husband, but she takes NO responsibility for what I say, and vice versa.

Bummer - I was actually LOOKING for jokes in the worst possible taste. I too am one of those who uses them to process trauma, etc. I know (knew) more people killed by American-sponsored terrorism than I do in NYC, so perhaps my perspective is different there too.

My worst joke nominee: Did you hear about the suspects that were caught buying a crop dusting plane? It wasn't the plane that raised suspicion, it was when they asked if they could christen it the 'Ebola Gay'.

Ken Whitley [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:27 PM

Check THIS out!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Wolfgang
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 12:59 PM

It wasn't the plane that raised suspicion, it was when they asked if they could christen it the 'Ebola Gay'.

But what raised the suspicion actually? The name of the plane or that they used the word 'christen'?

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 01:47 PM

Wolfgang - good point!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 06:44 PM

Shouldn't that read "Ebola Spray"?

This may not make sense across the pond, but here goes:-

Q -- Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays in his house?

A -- 'Cos he puts his fags out in his pool.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: DougR
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 06:53 PM

Not to me, MaxTone. Must be a across the pond joke.

DougR

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 08:05 PM

Got it, Rob.

Wolfgang, it's referencing the name of the plane which dropped the bomb on Hiroshima, the "Enola Gay" named after the pilot's mother.

So, I would guess "Gay" was correct for the joke, too, but "Spray" works better!

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 08:22 PM

Doug,
Barrymore's a UK gay comedian/TV presenter, who ended up with a dead rent boy floating in his pool after an all night party. Court case ongoing just now.
Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Wolfgang
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 03:36 AM

kat,

thanks but I did know what was intended in the joke. My point was the christen/crusade (alluding to our discussion about Bush's use of the word) aspect of the joke which I'm sure was not intended by Ken. But perhaps that was something you knew already...

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:14 PM

The Irish S.A.S. stormed Harrods this morning.

They heard Bed Linen was on the 3rd floor.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM

An' after they did Harrods, they laid siege to Battersea dog's home......an' took out all the Afghans.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 05:49 PM

Join the Marines!

Travel to exciting exotic places!

Meet exciting unusual people!

And kill them!!!

Steve

A retired hired killer of LBJ's :-)

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 06:23 PM

Was it F*ck bin liner.
'Twas a reclusive retired 1970s TV superstar behind it all. He used a 'string' of international 'puppet' operatives, working under the code-name -- Operation Flying Fox -- and masterminded by that cunning old vixen, Basil Brush -- whose catchphrase was-- Boom! Boom!

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: cyder_drinker
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 07:59 PM

An American fighter pilot was flying his F18 aircraft over Afghanistan, when he noticed a flying carpet on his left hand side, manned by a man with a machine gun. He looked to his right and saw another carpet alongside, also manned by a man with a machine gun. He thought "I've got to get out of this", so he accelerated flat out and put his plane into a high speed loop and came up behind both carpets, which he shot down. On arriving back at his aircraft carrier, he was told to report to the Captain immediately. 'You idiot !' said the captain. 'We saw what you did on our radar and now we're in a load of trouble'. 'What do you mean?' said the pilot, 'I shot both carpets down!' 'I know that!' said the captain, 'they were Allied Carpets!'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Oct 01 - 07:30 PM

Mention of jokes about Hitler reminded me of this Polish one: When Napoleon marched on Moscow, he wore a red shirt, so that in case he was wounded his men would not be able to tell. When Hitler marched on Moscow, he wore brown pants.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 09:39 AM

These ones just in from an old mate. Ta, Campbell! Please excuse any formatting glitches.

In the year 2032, a man and his son are walking through a highly built-up Manhattan when they come across an empty space and the father stops to reflect for a while.

"Imagine son," the father says "exactly 31 years ago the great twin towers stood proudly in this area".
Intrigued by the comment the son then asks "what were the twin towers dad?"
To which the father replies "they were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but in 2001they were

destroyed by Arabs."

The son pauses for a while and then asks "what were Arabs dad?????"

After Quasimodo's death, the Bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The

Bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several

applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The Bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The Bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned Bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the Bishop through, one of them asked: "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, ........ "but his face sure rings a bell"

There's more .....

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart

due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the Bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother Of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The Bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's

brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he moaned,

clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

The monks, hearing the Bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught Bishop, but..."

"He's a dead ringer for his brother."

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 12:04 PM

Thank goodness...the whiners have left and we can get down to the topic of your thread MAX...you were right....we need a place for this stuff....p>

How can you tell when a Taliban boy becomes a man?

When he takes the diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Max Tone
Date: 14 Oct 01 - 06:42 PM

Stormer, Gargoyle,
Laughed, I nearly sh*t.

Now in all seriousness here, in this time of crisis and destruction, there's a few things we gotta remember:-

1/In historical and genealogical terms, many sons, upon 'inheriting' the reigns of power/landholdings, see fit to complete "A job my Daddy never finished"

2/ All World Leaders need to take a 'crash course' in the roots of Global Terrorism.

3/ The roots/symptoms of this discontent never appear 'out of thin air'......

4/ The 'Lea(r)ning' curve's a steep one - a downward angle of incidence of c. 15 degrees, I'd say, with 25 deg. tilt.......just now
......But it could be exponential........upwards.

Us e-mail been laden with a great pic of a fully armed and bearded "Tali-Tubby". Post yer e-mails on my message board, if ye wanna copy.


Best practical joke I can think of for the west to orchestrate, is to spread advance propaganda of a huge bombing raid in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other antagonised disaster areas, bring the fear to fever pitch,................ then drop nothing but food, aid, and medicine!! (And REAL quantities, not just media-feeding amounts!)-- and with NO economic, or any other, strings attached.

Rob

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 01:49 PM

...and where was King Kong when we neede him?

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 11:21 PM

True story:
A local shopkeeper was proclaiming the need to nuke Afghanistan and all Arabs because they are terrorists. I asked "What about the terrorists who bombed Oklahoma City?" "Them too" he said. "They were Americans". Total silence..."What?" I said "Timothy McVeigh...Oklahoma City..." Blank stare, then:"I never read about that." Giant SIGH! Sorry for the thread drift. If it were a joke it would be in the worst possible taste.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 07:59 AM

The uncommon cold

Anthrax song : to the toe tappin tempo and tune 'Jesus is Easy'

The Anthrax song (the Uncommon Cold) by Don Hakman c 2001 ...........................................................................................................................................................................

I paid a toll, I got some change, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a burger, a soda, and crap I shouldnt oughta cuz now I got the anthrax and I'm wondrin where its from...

(chorus) Anthrax is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Anthrax is easy cuz its cured with Cipro and not contagious like the uncommon cold.

I went to work, and like a jerk, I used the water fountain and got somthin on my shirt and in a letter, I opened, I really should know better but Ed McMann just said I'd won and now I'm wondrin where its from .. .(chorus)

I came home ,I used the phone, I called my doc in quarantine and asked him for some pills and in the bathroom, later, I used some toilet paper and I've got a sore not there before I'm wondrin where its from.( chorus)

I watched the news, took off my shoes, I took a shower for an hour then I went to bed but in my dreams, I screamed , and then woke up Irene , then told her to beware the air I don't know where its from (chorus)

In the morning, I got changed, I went to town and bought some stuff and then I took the train I ate a pizza, eclair, and some stuff that had grown hair but now I got the anthrax and I'm wondrin where its from...

Anthrax is easy if you're startin to sneeze your gonna wonder if you're gonna grow old. Anthrax is easy cuz its cured with Cipro and Its everywhere ,,,I'm telling ya they got anthrax.... every wheeeeere.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill I can do one of these every couple days, probably more than you could ever use. Do you want a steady stream of these pre recorded (air play quality) So is the patriotic Ossamo song a one shot freebie, or are other topical light hearted tunes in your budget? If I had a phone # you could at least hear what they sound like - that is if you can spring $19.99 for a new phone :-) Best, Don Hakman

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Tony in Sweden
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 08:00 AM

Reuters news reports that all of 4 terrorists has been operating in Glasgow. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. Strathclyde Police stated that the three, Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
mvh TC

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 08:28 AM

What does Hiroshima and Afghanistan have in common?

NOTHING, YET.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Ken W
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 10:03 PM

As Wavy Gravy says, if you can't laugh at life, well, it just isn't funny anymore.

I thought I was bad for the parody 'A white box knife and a seven-fifty-seven, I'm all alone at the gate'. Glad to see (hear?) that someone topped it.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Roone Arledge
Date: 17 Oct 01 - 10:22 AM

The revised Taliban TV schedule:

MONDAYS
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Monday Night Stoning
9:30 Win Bin Laden's Money
10:00 Eye for an Eye Witness News

TUESDAYS
8:00 Wheel of Terror and Fortune
8:30 The Price is Right if Osama Says It's Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darndest Things
9:30 Afganistan's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 My Mullah the Car

WEDNESDAYS
8:00 Beat The Press
8:30 Whose Jihad Is It Anyway?
9:00 Married With 139 Children
9:30 Just Shoot Everything
10:00 Veil Watch

THURSDAYS
8:00 Osama and Grace
8:30 Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 Sponge Bob Square Turban
10:00 My Favorite Martyr

FRIDAYS
8:00 Judge Omar
8:30 TeleTalibans
9:00 Captured Taliban Soldiers Say the Darndest Things
9:30 Cave and Garden Television
10:00 Allah McBeal

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 07:59 AM

bruce the demon fiddler aired this anecdote at Mr Happy's Musical Therapy Session last night:

man goes to doctor, 'there's something wrong with my wife- she's acting ver strangely'

doctor says 'could be altzheimers or aids'

man 'how will i know the difference?'

dr 'put her on a bus- if she comes back, don't s**g her!'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 08:01 AM

& prompted by the 'Shackleton' thread, theres the one about Capt Scott's expedition to North Pole.

last entry in Scott's diary:

'No porridge this morning, Oates ran out'

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 09:01 AM

Okay........

Some time ago, you know, Jeffrey Dahmer escaped from prison. Fortunately he recaptured -- carrying a bottle of barbecue sauce and heading for Waco.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 12:19 PM

One day a man notices a funeral procession. It's headed by two hearses, followed by a man with a large dog, and then by a file of people that stretches nearly a quarter of a mile. "Who's in the hearses ?", he askes the man with the dog. "Oh, the first has my mother-in-law in it and the second, my wife". "How did they come to die then ?", asks the first man. "Well my mother-in-law nagged me, the dog bit her, and she died the next day - then my wife nagged me to get rid of the dog and it bit her - she died the following day". The first man thinks for a bit and then asks "Would you lend me that dog ?". "Join the end of the queue", said the man with the dog.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: GUEST,Li'l Aussie Bleeder.
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 03:22 PM

My mother was ill with cancer and this is the joke my father told:
A doctor moved in next door and this old biddy used to keep asking him for diagnosis over the fence (What should I take for this? What do I do for That?) and so on. The doctor died and within a few days the old biddy died too and was buried next him. One day the doctor heard a knock, knock on his coffin and it was the old biddy wanting to know what to do for WORMS!!!!
I thought my Father's timing was a bit off, though i never doubted his sense of humour.

Subject: RE: Jokes in worst possible taste
From: tar_heel
Date: 04 Sep 03 - 05:03 PM

omg!....i've read everyone of these and i'm tired and sleepy now,so i'll just say good day and take a long nap and sleep on all of this...by the way,when i sleep i take a viagra pill and drink a warm glass of milk!...the warm milk helps me sleep!...the viagra pill keeps me from FALLING OUT OF BED!!! good day,all!