Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007

Subject: BS: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 04:52 PM

It is now getting close to the Blitherscrum Folk Festival yet again.
This will be the third year it has run and already we have an impressive line up of performers including.
Vinegar Butt,
Jezlo,
Gorgeous Papadopoulos,
William McTell,(No1 hit with 'I shot the apple')
Airport Contention,
Speareyed Stan,
Show of gloves,
and many more.

The journalist reporting on this years Festival is Count Richard of Easby..a well known antagonist and critic of Folk Clubs.
Further details to follow.

Subject: RE: BS: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 06:11 PM

Incredible String Vest..........

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Effsee
Date: 03 Jun 07 - 09:26 PM

Last Night's Flan.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 02:29 AM

Sid Bloater.

eric

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 02:40 AM

This years indoor camping will be an improvement on last as the toilet has now been fixed so no more urinating on the inside walls gents. There will be a special place supplied in a corner of the main marquee for hanging banjos...this may of course become a ritual and is a lot less smelly than burning them. The Bodhran race on the fast flowing river Blither will take place again this year...it was so appreciated last year when all the bodhrans exept one went floating away at breakneck speed.
We will be holding a meeting on the Friday night to discuss the "Collapse of the Folk Clubs" thread on Mudcat. Anyone who fears fiery female journalists is advised not to attend as it may make them a little queezy and spoil their weekend.
Anyone who wishes to fawn over performers will be allowed into a special 'viewing' booth in the main tent where they cannot be admonished for looking. If however anyone (particularly the men and more particularly the backwoodsmen) admits to fancying one of the women (or men for that matter) they will be ejaculated (or is it ejected) from the tent.
Further details to folow.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:34 AM

This years indoor camping will be an improvement on last as the toilet has now been fixed so no more urinating on the inside walls gents

You mean that wasn't the showers? That does explain a lot.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 07:39 AM

Farmer Jones..a man outstanding in his field, will be out standing in his field waiting for the outdoor campers to arrive from Friday 11am until 6pm. If you need eggs or milk you can order them from him after he has gone. Mrs Jones will be playing the melodeon again this year and hopefully no surprises like the chick that jumped out of it last year. Farmer Jones' pig (new since last year) tends to smell very badly...but is having an operation on his nose to remedy that.
The blue and white box that looks like a telephone box is not the 'Tardis' of Dr Who, so to save any mistakes, it has a sign saying 'Turdis' on the outside.
Further details to follow.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 09:04 AM

The toilet facilities are again this year being overseen by the Eddie Baker Organic S**t Company who have recently acqired a secondhand 10,000 litre tanker from the Watney Brewery. Eddie assures his customers that all traces of the previous product will be removed before filling takes place in order that the pollution threat is eliminated.

Good news for vintage lorry enthusiasts, it has just been announced that Jack Spires will be attending with his Foden.

Mullock on Gribble Molly Dancers have had to withdraw as Molly has been taken ill with a nasty attack of the squibbles.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:29 AM

Saturday Night concert on the Main Stage will be headlined by Vest Life.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Effsee
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:41 AM

Is that a string band?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:51 AM

The "new talent" tent will not be featured this year due to an unfortunate misunderstanding....

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 11:58 AM

I'm looking forward to:

Many Humpties and a hat,
Watered-down McCartney,
Self Mademan,
and The Men they Couldn't Hear

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 12:16 PM

Sunday morning demonstration in the copse, by the Backwoodsmen Formation Leering Team.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 12:22 PM

And after closing time on friday the Initial Curry Scoffing competition will be followed the up-chucking championships.

Sorry I'll get me coat and go for my take-away straightaway.

dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:04 PM

ROFLOL...keep it coming folks.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:50 PM

Senator McCarthy and the Redcatchers

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:51 PM

Are there any berths available on the Curry Ship this year?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 01:58 PM

Curry Ship leaves Abdul's Indian Restaurant (the one behind the gasworks) as soon as the landlord(s) can get the b*****s out of the pub(s).

At the time of writing we need a ships writer to read the menu and place the order. All other members of the crew will be all at sea following partaking of vast quantities of Old Codgers Ale.

;-)
Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:35 PM

See if you can find one in the local 'shanty' town eh?
I see we have outside interest this year...a few new contributors to the thread...so are you coming to the Festival or do you have worse things to do?
The local butcher is said to have some delicious meat pies this year. The taste of his meat pies has certainly improved since his wife disappeared last month without trace..... Last year when I asked him for bacon...he said "Lean back" which I thought was a bit strange but I leaned back and asked him again.
Backwoodsman has elected to take the star spot at the Pig and Pong on Friday night. I particularly enjoyed his rendition of "Anarchist Geordie" last year..he also sung his own versions of "I'm fawnin' over you darlin'" and "Look at that lass in the mini skirt over there"...... All the women enjoyed him!(if you'll pardon the expression).
It has come to the notice of the committee that someone complained of a puff adder being in the bathroom last year......the rumour is totally untrue although Sergeant Smart did break wind in the bath and count the bubbles if that's where the rumour came from.
Getting close to the Festival now...more details when I have them.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 04:48 PM

Far worse things to do thank you

Beer to drink,songs to sing,festivals etc etc etc

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 04 Jun 07 - 08:37 PM

You asked for it -
"Is that your Ayrshire Bacon?"
"Nooo. I'm jest waaarmin me haaands."

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 06:45 AM

Some late cancellations:
The Demon Barbers were on tour but have cut it short.
Faustus have contractual problems.
Brass Monkey have found things dropping off due to cold weather.
The Devils Interval are taking a break.

You will also be disappointed to hear that the "Last Night's Fun" concert was yesterday evening.

---

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name [in the "from" box] when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.
Thanks.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 10:52 AM

Dave Fibber of Fibber & Wentiman will be holding a May Day Song workshop called "It's a Hobby of mine, you go and write your own".

This year's hot product from the Craft Tent is set to be the "Make your own Cider from scratch kit". This consists of an apple pip, planting and growing instructions and a dead dog. It is suggested that the dog be kept frozen for about 30 years until the tree actually starts to crop. There is a reduction of £15.99 if you provide your own dog.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 10:54 AM

"provide your own dog."

Is that dead or alive?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:11 AM

Depends if it's going in or coming out!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:22 AM

On the subject of dogs..please be aware if you bring your dog and have to leave it on the camp..there is a strange man who was caught ..by me...trying to commit an indecent act with someones unattended dog. I did say to him "How low can you get"? but he answered with "OOOOH a dacshund is about me lowest so far".
Incidentally if your dog poos anywhere it is your responsibility to clean it up...there are dog poo bins available and "Super dooper pooper scoopers" to pick it up with will be available for purchase.
Stewards are sill needed for the event but if applying please remember that you must be at least 3' 6" tall in stockinged feet or taller with high heels (especially the men).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Folkiedave
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 11:52 AM

You will also be disappointed to hear that the "Last Night's Fun" concert was yesterday evening.

Not surprised at all........that is how they got their name - being there last night.........allegedly.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 12:01 PM

To Folkiedave: "Not surprised at all........that is how they got their name - being there last night.........allegedly."

Erm . . quite - I think that was the joke.

---

Please note that anonymous posting is no longer allowed at Mudcat. Use a consistent name when you post, or your messages risk being deleted.
Thanks.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 01:51 PM

The local garage proprietors (Broke & Down) have complqined that they were inundated with problem vehicles last year and suggest you get them checked before you leave home. They are also not into music so 'A Flat' tyre....and 'C Minor' problems with the windscreen' seems to rub them up the wrong way

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Chorusgirl
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 04:55 PM

The other garage proprietors Piston Broke want it to be known they are still open for business.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Waddon Pete
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 05:23 PM

More sad news.

I'm afraid Dr. Felltokay can't bring his Morris Dancing Flea Circus this year as he doesn't think they are quite up to scratch.

On the bright side, they may be able to provide a scratch band for dancing...but the good Doctor does ask that clog dancing is not included in the programme.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,martin ellison
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 05:46 PM

To Joe Offer:

Sorry Joe, it was me (guest above) posting hastily from work and I'm unsure of the conventions. I may just join your clique to avoid comitting the same faux pas.
Apologies
Martin

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Celtaddict
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 08:26 PM

Welcome, Martin, do sign up.
And come scrum a blither with us.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 05 Jun 07 - 08:59 PM

If your feeling a little touselled after a day or two under canvas come to the Curl up and Dye mobile hair salon.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 02:33 AM

So pleased to see so many young people at last years Festival and apparently James (6'4") and Rita (4'11") got married after meeting there. That's the long and the short of it!. They will be honeymooning in Outer Mongolia so will miss Friday and Saturday but will be at Sundays Grand Concert around the village pump. I phoned for a weather forecast for the area and have been assured there will definitely be some weather.
'Airport Contention's new CD has really taken off I hear and the song "Fly me to Blitherscrum" will feature at the Festival.
More news later.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:00 AM

News from the Fringe. Blitherscrum Angling Society have cancelled the "Open Fly Fishing Competition" as too many of the competitors were taking the title too literally. A spokesman for the BAS, Colin "Chopper" Todgson (49), pointed out that worms were an illegal bait.

From the Campsite. After recent problems a ruling has been made banning the use of portable barbecues in tents. From now only properly constructed brick built structures will be allowed. The practice of using fire buckets for "other" purposes is discouraged.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Splott Man
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:01 AM

I'm looking forward to the demonstrations

There'll be Rod Stradling (I tried it once and got it painfully wrong),
some Dan Keding, and if it rains Sunday afternoon, Van Eyking.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:42 AM

Is the Clay Bodhran Shooting contest going on this year ?

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: TheSnail
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:54 AM

Roy Clinging was immensely popular last year (especially with Roy).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 07:02 AM

MC Fat, the Clay Bodhran Shooting is still going on, however, beaters are still required to flush out the quarry for the Real Bodhran shooting.

Hurdy Gurdy drones will not be tolerated this year and will be ejected on sight or even off site.

New this year is the Fiddle workshop sponsored by Blitherscrum DSS office and run by Wayne, Duane and Jason (bail conditions permitting).

Noodle weaving for beginners will again show you how to make attractive and functional tomato puree coloured garments for both office and evening wear.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 11:35 AM

In case of inclement weather this year...Ailsa Tones and Wayne Drops will be selling umbrellas. People are asked to use them for the correct purpose as last year Cecil was heard asking Rodney "Shall I put the umbrella up" and Rodney was heard replying "Yes but make sure you don't open it".

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Mr Happy
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 11:43 AM

NO SMOKING BAN


The no smoking ban will be strictly enforced by special SSSS's [Special Smoke Sniffling Squads: Motto- Who Glares Wins!!] on the campsite, & in all venues.


Anyone found to be in contempt will be named and shamed, then will be, according to the degree of offence:

* sold into slavery on cbay

* sold to More on Toast to supplement the greasy food supply

* other suggestions for appropriate treatments welcomed!!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 04:58 PM

OOps, when I saw the sign it had a gap between the 'O' and the 'K' so I thought we had a performer called Nosmo King!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 05:16 PM

Can't see it on the programme so far so can anyone confirm that the very well supported Bodhran Tuning (stanley knives provided) Workshops will occur this year?

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:24 PM

Did you mean de-tuning Dave? LOL. Sounds like a good idea.

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 06 Jun 07 - 06:33 PM

No I think tuning is right cos they sound so much better afterwards.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 02:36 AM

I see I see...Yes of course you are right. I will suggest the local store stocks a range of Stanley knives to meet the needs of the bodhran tuners (or their friends?).

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 03:43 AM

We have got a performer called Nosmo King, he's one half of a duet called The King Brothers and appears with his brother Nopar. They are a speciality dance act who finish their performance with the famous and dangerous Dance of the Flaming Arseholes. Very spectacular when the lights are dimmed!

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Dave Earl
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 09:07 AM

"Dance of the Flaming Arseholes."

On completion of same Mosmo gets stubbed out and Nopar gets the pair of them towed away.

This act is recommended if you are short of crew at your venue. They are self clearing and the "get out" takes no time at all.

Dave

Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2007
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:27 AM

I understand the local campsite owner has been arrested and would you believe for 'Loitering withintent' Had the tent been his own he would have been O.K but it belonged to 'Sassy Babs' the local angler or is it hooker...something to do with fish anyway.