BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..

Subject: BS: State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:37 PM

(((Applause)))

Thank you...

(((Applause)))

Thank you....

(((Applause)))

Thank you...

(((Applause)))

Thank you...

(((Applause)))

Ahhhhhh, thank you...

(((Applause)))

Thank you...

My fellow Americans, I realize that most of you are aware that Channel 273 has chosen tonight as the night to feature "I Love Lucy" reruns so I really don't want to hold you up so I'll just keep it short. Three words define the STate of the Union tonight and they are...

... purdy friggin' lousy!!!

(((Applause)))

Thanky you... Yeah, weve really madea mess of things, haven't we???

(((Applause)))

Thank you..So why mess up a perfectly good night when we could all be how watching Lucy and Ethel???

(((Applause)))

Thank you and God Bless America...

(((Applause)))

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:44 PM

Democratic response:
Typicaly the administration is play fast and loose wioth the truth...
Channel 273 is not showing I Love Lucy, its showing Jack Bauer in the atomic bomb episode of 24!

We suggest you tune into the Mary Tyler Moore show where Ed Asner goes on a date with Maude on channel 170

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:56 PM

Maybe he just needed to get to that half eaten pretzel he remembered he'd stashed for later???

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:57 PM

"Before I leave, though, I need to make a clean breast of things, pardon the expression, so here goes.

The reason for the Iraq war was control of Middle Eastern oil reserves, plain and simple.

The reason for opposing stem cell research was to slow it down until my pals in Big Pharma-land could get a position on it.

My foot dragging on global warming was to stave off the heat for my buddies over in Big Erl.

And I haven't had sex in twenty-seven months, but I have gone on the bottle again, and you would too if you had to put up with the noise I have to in this job.

Thank you.

Oh, and, yeah, I did wimp out on the ANG requirements, but I knew I could get away with it. And, yes, my driver's license was revoked in Maine. But Dad covered it up for me, like any good Dad would if he could. So this is not the first fuck-up over which I have presided, but it sure has been the biggest, and I have to say thank you, America. I've really had a hoot running things into the ground, even unintenitonally. It's been kinda fun, if you unnerstan' what I'm saying. I am sorry it has taken so much out of you, my fellow-citizens, but at least you haven't aged thirty years' worth like I have in the last eight.

Thanks for all the grins, blood and tears, and God Bless Amurika."

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 06:57 PM

The economy is basically screwed.

Homeland Security is out of control.

The Constitution is being violated.

International law is being broken.

Prisoners are being tortured.

People are being held offshore incommunicado without legal protections and without trial.

A war of aggression is being waged in Iraq, while another is being planned for Iran.

People (like Kucinich) who speak the truth about the above are being silenced.

The coporatocracy is making record profits.

Your jobs are going overseas.

You are being ruled by crooks, war criminals, corporate CEOs, and liars.

And that's the State of the Union!

(overwhelming applause, weeping, high fives, and wild cheering...)

We now return to the Movie Channel for a preview of "Rambo"...get ready to see lots of evil foreigners get blowed up real good, shot, disemboweled, garrotted, and taught not to mess with liberty and freedom!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: RangerSteve
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 07:58 PM

I liked Bobert's speech the best. The rest of you took too long. If I stayed aroung to hear Amos and LH's additions, I might miss the episode where Lucy gets a loving cup stuck on her head. I've only seen that episode once and I can't remember how she got it there to begin with. That's more important than any presidential speech. Sorry, Amos and LH. You need to learn to be brief, like Bobert.

Bobert - I don't agree with all your ideas that you stated in your "running for President" thread, but if you promise to keep your speeches short, like the above, you may get my vote anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:09 PM

Ahhhhhh, sorry, R-Stevo... What ideas don't ya' like??? I forgot what I said and seein' as I don't much remember them then I really can't get all that defensive about 'um... Right... Hey, if you got some good ideas, I'm all ears...

The "pot on every chicken" ain't negotiable...

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Sorcha
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:15 PM

I was gonna start one like this, but Bobert beat me to it. I was gonna say:

You iz fucked.
It's not ALL my fault.
Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:19 PM

I like yerz, Sorch... Wish I had you as my offical speech writer... We could cut thru the crap and lay it on 'um so that they would all be home in time for Lucy...

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:28 PM

I had a cousin who used to watch "I love Lucy". I thought it pretty moronic the once or twice I was unable to avoid it.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Beer
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:40 PM

Love your speech Bobert.
Not to take away from you but I wonder what Pat Paulsen would have said. Wouldn't he have a ball with it.
Beer (adrien)

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 08:45 PM

Thanks, beer... I'll drenk to that...

Hey, I thought Pat woulda made a fine president... He, at least would have offered up one fine State of the Union speech...

They don't amke 'um like that anymore...

(Ahhhh, Bobz... They been makin' 'um the same way going back forever...)

Details...

Think I'll go have me a "details" beer....

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 09:05 PM

The "pot in every chicken" was stolen from MY campaign thread!

This clearly demonstrates that Bobert is a Tool of Big Business, a Syncophantic Lickspittle of the Military-Industrial Complex, and an Oppressor of Widows and Orphans!

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 09:17 PM

False, Rap, to most of them charges... Okay, you got me on the widows one... Hey, I thought that the blinds were pulled and she, not me, started the entire thing... And she may now say it was oppression but at the time it was just another afternoon of hot steamy sex???

What's a guy to do???

I deny the rest of the allogations except the parts where I ripped off the "pot in every chicken" which I fully claim to have ripped off fair and square... Hey, nobody had a chain around the sumabich, did they???

But, sniff, now I feel guilty... No, not about the widow woman... She inherited a plenty and did real okay with it... But stealing a guys fu*ked up chicken is, ahhh...

... fu*ked up and I am sorry, Rap... You can have what I ain't eaten back... Hey, I'll buy you another one and blow smoke in its face just before I ring its neck...

Will that make up for everything???

Come on, Rap... We is like tight, bro...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 09:49 PM

Okay. I forgive you.


















Had ma shootin' iron all cleaned up an' sighted in, too.... Damn.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 10:41 PM

Here is the ACTUAL broadcast programming that immediatly preceeded the speech:

NBC American Gladiator

FOX The Terminator the Sarah Connors chronicles

CBS Dance Wars

ABC Two and a hof men

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 08 - 10:48 PM

I like Bobert's speech best too. That's why he's running for president and I'm not! ;-)

As for the show "I Love Lucy", it was one of the most moronic and irritating shows in television history. I think it could be used now to torture prisoners and elicit confessions, providing the prisoners had an I.Q. over 65. If not, well, then they might actually enjoy it.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 12:28 AM

Ding dong he's almost gone
The smarmy bastard's almost gone.
He'll go where the asses go
Below, below, below, below!

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Beer
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 01:35 AM

Not soon enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 08:32 AM

Be patient. If you hurry things along Cheney would become President.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 08:43 AM

I watched it and couldn't believe those dozy prats were jumping up, whoopin' and hollerin' and applauding every sentence as though he'd just announced the secret formula to eternal life.

What planet are they on? Not this one, that's for sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 11:54 AM

I liked Chris Matthews' synopsis of what the speech sonunded like: He said he had a vision of Fibber McGee (old radio show) opening that closet door, having everything fall out...again.., then announcing, "I'm gonna clean out that closet one of these days"

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 12:20 PM

"but at the time it was just another afternoon of hot steamy sex"

Save it until you get elected and do it in the Oval Office. That way it won't be--sex that is.

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 03:24 PM

what was that bit about liability protection for US companies helping in the war on terror? Was that for Blackwater so they can keep shooting up anyone that gets near them in Iraq?

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 03:28 PM

"My fellow Americans,

I stand before you today because my mistress spanked me yesterday and it's still to tender to sit on it.

The End"

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 04:07 PM

"My fellow Americans: I stand before you today because I had a colonoscopy this morning and the doctors still have the tube up there, looking for my head."

Subject: RE: BS: Alternative State of the Union Address..
From: Peace
Date: 29 Jan 08 - 04:08 PM

LOL