BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo

Subject: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 01:01 PM

Speaking to the press today in Dayton, Ohio, Barnswell Skype stated his unequivocal support for Chongo Chimp for president. This brought an end to weeks of speculation as to which way Skype would go, and it will surely be a bitter disappointment to both the Obama campaign and the McCain campaign, both of which had lobbied hard to get an endorsement from Barnswell Skype.

"At the end of the day," said Skype, "I had to ask myself, who do I trust most to be in the Oval Office during a real crisis? Who can I count on to put the security of America first and not back down one iota? Who can I trust to fight for the little guy? For me the answer was compelling and clear, and the answer was Chongo Chimp."

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 04:40 PM

What? The thread title plainly says that Barnswell Skipe (with an "i") supports Chongo, but then you go on about how Barnswell Skype (with a "y") has endorsed him? I call that blatant bait-and-switch tactics! I greatly respect the opinions of Barnwell Skipe, but Barnswell Skype is as worthless a sack of oyster gonads as ever walked the earth. Why should we be surprised that a noted poopslinger like Barnswell Skype would endorse another poopslinger?

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 05:04 PM

Welcome to the torrid tooth-and-claw world of simian politics, Beedub! It is so similar to Rovian-Bushy tactics as to make one feel it were deja vue all over again.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 05:10 PM

I should also reveal at this juncture that I have it on good authroity that Mister Skipe (with an "i") has said on the record that he is so disgusted with the Chongo Campaign's dirty tricks, that he is going to vote for Chongo's little sister Chinga, who has a sterling reputation for insisting all her tricks be clean.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 05:22 PM

Oh, you guys think you're sooooo clever, don't you? Hmmph. Buncha dirty poopslingers yourselves, that's what you are.

The name was mispelled in the thread title, and that's all there is to it. I should think that the fact that the name "Skype" appears no less than 3 times in the story would have removed all doubt that "Skipe" is a typo, but no! Suspicious minds in the employ of Obama and McCain will pounce on any spurious piece of scandal they can dredge up out of their fetid imaginations, it seems.

Barnswell Skype is a highly respected businessman in Dayton, Ohio. He runs a gun shop and a shooting range as well as being the local dealer for crudely painted not so funny cutout plywood folk art, those whimsical and quaint yard decorations you see here in there on people's lawns. Surely you recall the popular "Bossy the Cow" one? And the "Fat Lady Bending Over Weeding Her Garden in Spotted Bloomers"? Barnswell Skype is a man with the common touch, the kind of man you might think to find supporting John McCain or Sarah Palin or even (just maybe) Barack Obama, but he's supporting Chongo Chimp instead. That tells you something.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 05:25 PM

If were gonna have pedantry about spelling "Skipe", let's note that it is not "deja vue", but deja vu.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 05:55 PM

I've been corrected on that before, Bill.... :D

Little Hawk, BeeDubyaEll made it very clear they are two separate individuals. How else do you account for the information from the disgruntled Mister Skipe?



A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 06:01 PM

Well, let's hear who this Barnswell Skipe is (or claims to be) and I can comment further on that.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 08 - 09:14 PM

For quite some time I lived in the Cincinnati-Dayton area. During that time I became well acquainted with Barnswell Skipe, who at that time was a diener and cremator at the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science. Barny (as his friends called him) was a great guy, full of laughter and life and his opinions were well thought out and intelligently presented. Barny lived in Dayton and commuted to work each day.

His cousin, also named Barnswell Skipe and who also lived in Dayton, was the complete opposite of Barny. Stuck up, opinionated, prejudiced in every sense of the word, xenophobic, know-it-all, Barnswell (as he insisted he be called) was more feared for his quick and violent temper, sharp tongue, and unforgiving nature than anyone I have ever met.

At the time I knew them neither owned a gun store or made yard decorations.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 12:36 PM

So...now there are three of them?

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 03:47 PM

Well, I was wondering which one you were talking about: Barny or Barnswell. Which one supports Chongo?

There might be others, I dunno. I only know of two.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 04:35 PM

Okay, here's how it stands.

1. Barnswell Skype of Dayton, Ohio supports Chongo.
2. Barnswell Skipe, known as "Barnswell", also of Dayton, Ohio, does not support Chongo.
3. Barnswell Skipe, known as "Barney", also of Dayton, Ohio, does not support Chongo.

The orginal press release was concerning Barnswell Skype, a man whose opinion ranks high in influencing others in Ohio, whereas the influence of the two Skipes is negligible, to put it bluntly.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 04:53 PM

Actually, I have no idea (and unless you'd talked to them neither do you_ is the Skipe cousins support Chongo or not. The title of this thread is VERY confusing.

I'm going to call my friend Jack, who works at the U of Dayton, and see what he can find out. He's a librarian, so (like me) he can find out anything).

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 06:00 PM

I'm puzzled about the Skipe cousins too, and I certainly can't trust anything that comes from the offices of Smears Inc (Amos). This whole misunderstanding stems from one thing: a typo in the thread title. Perhaps I can get Joe to correct the title.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 06:19 PM

DOn't bother, Little Hawk. Chinga's testimony is now on video tape being prepared for transmission to the Los Angeles Times where it will never be released but will be referred to. Unless she decides it should go to YouTube instead. And it makes the dirty tricks and the clean ones completely clear, so no evasive language on your part will do you any good. Come clean, man. There is no hiding place.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 08:50 PM

No hiding place is required for the truthful and pure of heart, Amos. That leaves you out. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 10:52 PM

I checked with Jack.

There is NO Barnswell SkYpe in or around Dayton, Ohio (around means within 150 miles). Barny Skipe wheeled his cousin Barnswell into class about three years ago, so there is only Barnswell "Barny" Skipe now in that area. Jack (who knows him) called him and relayed this message from Barny to Little Hawk: "F**k you. May dogs eat your gonads. I'll vote for whoever pays the most, as usual."

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 11:01 PM

I am frankly surprised that the APP's vice presidential candidate would make such an assertion. Have you completely lost your senses, Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 12:08 PM

I am, first and foremost, a LIBRARIAN. Jack is also one. We MUST pass on the truth, it's part of our code of ethics.

No matter who it offends, no matter how much it hurts me personally.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 12:09 PM

Moreover, Jack's father is from Sneem and his mother from Kilorglin.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 12:55 PM

Sneem? There's a place called Sneem?

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:24 PM

Yes. And it's a very nice place.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:26 PM

Well, it looks lovely.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:38 PM

Besides, would Chongo want his running mate to sink to the level of the other candidates? Does he want a campaign based upon innuendo, lies, and falsehoods like most Chicago campaigns are? Or does he stand for truth, justice, and the American Way?

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:43 PM

That's pretty impressive rhetoric, man. We should've had you on the speechwriting team, I can see that.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:59 PM

We MUST pass on the truth, it's part of our code of ethics.

Passing on the truth is also part of most politicians' ethics. Give 'em an opportunity to speak the truth, and they'll usually pass on it and go straight to whatever lie gets 'em the most votes.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 03:12 PM

The National Association of Tranquil, Analytical Librarians (NATAL) has just placed the full weight of their national influence behind Chinga, Little Hawk. And some scandals from earlier days in Chicago, involving certain unrepentant terrorists and setting babies on fire are just beginning to surface in Chongo's camp, causing ripples of public doubt about him.

You may want to keep this whole thing at arm's length and take care to establish plausible deniability in everything you do. It may get ugly.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 03:38 PM

I've just had an email from ol' Barny. He says that hell yes, he'll vote for Chongo. He's also going to vote for Obama, McCain, Nader, and Barrett.

I'm not sure how much his support is worth.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 03:52 PM

Uh-huh. ;-) But I notice he has not said he'll vote for Chinga! That's not surprising, because there IS no frikkin' Chinga. When this whole election mess is finally over it is my earnest wish that someone should fashion an effigy of the fictional Chinga out of some hard and unyielding material like ebony, rub it in hot chilis, and then shove it up Amos's ass. He is worse than Karl Rove. The man is a worthless tit, devoid of conscience, scruples, morality, decency or truthfullness.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 05:58 PM

My, Little Hawk, you are waving your arms around and frothing at the mouth again!!! If there is no Chinga, there is no Chongo, remember. It was only because the Momma Chimp desperately wanted a girl baby that she consented to become pregnant the first time. She just kept trying after she realized how unsatisfactory her male-child was going to turn out.

You can invalidate and nullify Chinga all you want to, but just remember, it is kind of like a nuclear SALT negotiation. Attack out one side, and mutual assured destruction looms.


Besides, Chinga informs me that based on a survey of her johns at her two main houses in Chicago and Milwaukee, you are out of touch with your base, and Chongo has been boughten by high-powered North Side gorillas with deep pockets.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 06:05 PM

I'VE been bought for a long, long time by the East Side Gang, who have very wet pockets.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 04:35 PM

The East Side Gang are a pretty fishy bunch, no doubt about that.

Amos, you are forever saying that other people (those whom you disagree with about something) are "waving their arms around", "frothing at the mouth", and that sort of thing, when actually it's you. Yes, you are the one who is waving his arms around, so much so that I ventured an opinion on another thread that you may soon become the first person to become airborne merely through vigorous arm waving.

Stop engaging in projection, my good fellow. I am sitting here as calm and cool and unruffled as a cucumber when I say that there is no Chinga, there never has been any Chinga, and that you know less than nothing about Chongo's family or his antecedents.

You are akin to a bull bellowing in a barn in the middle of a hard-blowing chinook. A lot of hot air, sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 04:55 PM

The mental image of a ruffled cucumber is somewhat...disconcerting.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 06:04 PM

Little HAwk has a cucumber with no ruffle on it, huh? Embarassing.

Your denial of the simple facts concerning Chinga's existence is merely symptomatic; the root causes are your own deep-seated naricissism and your inability to face reality OR play well with others.

You never seem to notice, for example, how kindly I have been toward the bulk of your fantasies. I have never denied Corridus, invalidated the existence of Chongo, pretended not to know who Shatner is. No., I have been considerate of you while you labor under these over-heated delusions.

But does this elicit comparable treatment from you?

No. It does not.

Since you are so unruffled and collected, take a moment to meditate on this inequity in your own ways, and reflect on why they might be.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 09:04 PM

Ah, trying the old guilt trip, eh? Sorry. I can't buy the notion that Chongo has a sister named Chinga, specially one with the characteristics you ascribe to her. It just doesn't work.

For me to give you comparable treatment, Amos, you must come up with comparable fantasies entirely of your own creation, not merely attach yourself to one of mine and screw around with it by adding a fifth wheel.

Here are a few suggestions:

Invent a transvestite East European neighbour who is driving you crazy with his/her constant knocking on your door to borrow "a cup of sugar", "a rake", "some butter", etc.

Invent a mermaid who communes with you when you go kayaking.

Invent a space alien who visits you on the weekends.

Invent an intelligent cockroach who is organizing a sports league among nightcrawlers.

Whatever....I promise you that I will not create a sister for any of them whose name is a Spanish curse word nor will I otherwise tamper with their essential identity which will be your concern, not mine.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 09:59 PM

Ahhh, Leedle Hack. Your puffed up indignation is charming in the extreme. I will tell Madame Chinga all about it, and about how you insist she is not real. She will laugh and laugh!!!!

However, as a courtesy, I will not tell her or her brother that you are planning to abandon his Presidential hopes in favor of an community-organizer type cockroach. Chongo's wrath would be just too much to face, don't you agree?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 10:01 PM

There will be further word on Chongo's presidential hopes shortly.

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 10:03 PM

AH, excellent. Will you send me a pre-release review copy? It would make Chinga so proud....



A

Subject: RE: BS: Barnswell Skipe supports Chongo
From: GUEST,De Nye, De Nye, and Delay, Attorneys, LLC
Date: 31 Oct 08 - 10:18 PM

October 31, 2008

Mr. Little Hawk                   IN RE: Chimp v. Chimp
c/o The Mudcat Cafe

Dear Mr. Hawk,

De Nye, De Nye and Delay has been retained by Ms. Chinga Chimp as her attorneys de jure and de facto. You are hereby enjoined from making any statement denying Ms. Chimp's sororial relationship with Mr. Chongo Chimp until such time as certain testing of dioxyribonucleic acid (hereinafter "DNA"), and specifically mitochondrial DNA, is complete.

It is the contention of Ms. Chimp that she is in fact the sister of Mr. Chimp and will prove said relationship in Cook County Court, Chicago, Illinois. Further, Ms. Chimp is, upon proving her case, asking the Court to award her all legal fees, fifty thousand dollars ($50,000.00) for psychological damages which forced her into a life of prostitution, and five hundred thousand dollars ($500,000.00) punitive damages.

Know that you have been named by Ms. Chimp as a party to the denial of her sororial relationship with Mr. Chimp and the Court will be asked to apportion the awards equally between Mr. Chimp and you.

Sincerely yours,

Norbert O. Delay
Attorney-At-Law