BS: Adoption & New Mommy

Subject: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:26 PM

My husband and I are adopting an infant (possibly infant and young sibling) from Ethiopia in the near future. In fact, the adoption is moving MUCH faster than we anticipated and are now rushing around trying to get things done/ready. This is new to both of us, so I have a question that I'm hoping you guys can help me out with.

    When your child was young, or perhaps your grandchild, what was the most useful thing you had? Something that made your life just a little bit easier? I ask because people are asking what we need and honestly, I'm not quite sure (aside from the basics like a crib, bottles, etc).

Thanks for your help!

Namaste!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Tinker
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:35 PM

Okay my first response would be (not in order) A child carrier(front for infant and back for slightly older) It is so much easier than the stoller in crowded places and if the child doesn't like being put down, you can move around the house with arms free.

A swing and/or bouncer my prone to ear infection son spent many a late night hour happy in his swing while I dosed next to him on the couch. (Okay I had to wake up a bit to restart it, but he was safe and content)

A lullabye CD that you love (cause you'll hear it 1000+ times. Use the same one when you put them to bed over and over and they will associate it with sleep even when you aren't there. Of course making your own would be doubly wonderful...

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:36 PM

All in one sleep suits and vests, you'd be amazed at how many you will go through with an infant! Bouncer chair type things are good too. And colic drops to go in infants feeds. All you really need is patience and lots of love, your arms always open for cuddles.

Best of luck and many congratulations to you both. We hope the final part of the adoption process goes smoothly for you and you welcome your new additions to your family soon. You'll be great!!

Love and blessings

Khatt, Paul, Harry, George and Amelia

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: ClaireBear
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 04:59 PM

Yes to the carrier. We Used a Baby Bjorn, though that was a few years ago -- there may be a competing one that's easier to use now.

For a really tiny infant, those long gowns that are much longer than the baby and draw closed at the bottom with elastic (I think; can't actually remember because it's been a few years) are wonderfully convenient for late-night diaper changes -- no snaps, no zips, no struggles.

Don't know what yours will be like, but mine wouldn't keep a blanket on for even a minute. So it was particularly welcome when someone gave me a lambskin (with wool) for my wee one to sleep on. It kept him at just the right temperature on our chilly country nights, was comfy to lie on, was washable with no fuss whatsoever (much easier to deal with than changing the bedding), and made him feel as though he was in his own bed, wherever we took him.

For a few months old and after, you need a really good sippy cup. I got some great ones on a trip to England that aren't available in the US. Unlike any I could find here, they had no tiny, separate valve parts to get lost...just a cup and a lid. Wish I could recall what they were called -- ah! Got it! It's an Anyway-up-cup. Perhaps a UK Catter could be bribed to procure one for you?

All the best,
Claire

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 05:11 PM

Extending dog lead when they're a bit older...

Why put a child on a dog lead? Well, using the proper child harness and 'walking reins' gave me a trememdous back ache - and I'm not exactly tall so it's not as if I were bending over far. It was just that little bit too small, so I hit on the idea of an extending dog leash, the sort that run out to so many feet (about 10 is a good distance), but will stop short at the touch of a button.

Clipped securely to the child harness, it meant Limpit had freedom to toddle at her pace and I had control over how far away she got. It also meant I had a few seconds extra to say goodbye when she decided conversation with mummy's friends was boring and she needed to be on the other side of the park NOW!

It was far more effective than the wrist straps that are available for 'toddler security' which are about as secure as a bubble in a wind tunnel and a darn sight longer lasting!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 05:18 PM

What lovely news.

Make as many freezable meals as possible in advance. You are going to be too knackered to do much cooking from scratch in the first few months while you all get settled. The more clothing you have for the children, the less often you will be doing laundry. If you drive, keep a bag of essentials in the car at all times. 2X change of clothes for each child, nappies, tissues, babywipes, several toys, clean bottle and cup, blankets, age appropriate snacks and juice.

Get some books to read to them. Very little ones love rhythm and rhyme. They may not understand the words but they get the musicality.

Decide on routines now and stick to them. Meal times, bath times, special one to one play times and bed times. Decide on and employ transition songs to help ease the process. They learn to associate the activity with the song, so it becomes less disruption to what they were doing and more expectation to what is to come.

Get some training or a book on infant massage. Works a treat on relaxing stressed out muscles and over stimulated minds in little folk. Make it part of the just before bed at night ritual. Sing and massage. Works great when they are sick too.

Put the younger to bed (naps and night time) a half hour before the older. Spend that half hour specifically with older, even if the little one is fussing. A half hour of fussing will not hurt and should help baby learn to calm self. Learning to calm self is empowering and good for development of self esteem. Also doing this shows the older child s/he is just as important to mamma and daddy as the baby is. Make certain you tell the older child... "this is your time with mamma and daddy." It should help defray future sibling conflict and jockeying for attention.

Congratulations and blessings to you all.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Bert
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 06:29 PM

All you will need is love and patience. It is the incredible amount of both that will surprise you.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 06:34 PM

YAY for you! ALL of you!

You can never have too many of those light little flannel blankets, about 3x3, great for everything (tucking, swaddling, wiping, shading)and they don't take up too much room in cars, drawers, suitcases, the wash.

Backpack for sure. Front pack is great, as long as it lasts, but if you are any kind of strong, the backpack works as soon as they can hold themselves up and look around, and will last you years, and make you all mobile and happy.

2nd the freezer meals, as well as a crockpot if you haven't already got one.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 06:34 PM

A good car seat, easy to install and remove. Essential in an environment (like SOuthern California) where the standard of all transactions is driving somewhere.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:14 PM

Like Tink, one of the absolute essentials with my kids and grandkids was the wind-up swing...it is invaluable.

A crib was no good for my grandson, Morgan. It didn't matter what we did, he did not want to be cooped up. When my daughter let him sleep on a double bed, he would sleep sideways on it, taking up the whole thing and slept very well. When I was trying to see what else we could use besides a crib,at the time, I learned that many cultures, including some Native Americans, naturally have an infant/child sleep on the ground/floor so that they will not fall out of anything. I thought well "duh!" why didn't I think of that?! It makes perfect sense to me in some environments. A crib is a nice way to keep them safe and contained, but some just won't have it.

All the baby blankets, the small ones mentioned, are great and the cats love them to be passed on to them when the kid gets too big.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:25 PM

my nephew had a lambswool teddy (flat teddy-shape, very lightly padded, maybe with a piece of quilting batting, & sewn eye spots) called Bed Ted & 'Bed Ted time' meant he picked by Ted & went for his nap!

Ted was always in his cot when he was put to bed so when he was old enough to toddle to bed, he automatically picked up Ted. (dunno how long that lasted, tho!)

My brother's house was tiny, so he built a wooden single bed with drawers underneath, a separate cot without base, & a chest of drawers from a pattern book. I think it was a Sunset book, & it would have been available 18 years ago. It's not on their website, but Amazon does have a 1971 title that contains patterns of furniture, & I assume there are other, similar titles around.

Chest lived on the foot of the bed & cot surrounded baby. When he was big enough to sleep on the bed, they bought a mattress, the cot was stored away, & the drawers put on the floor.

best wishes to you & your new family

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:33 PM

One other thing...we woudl never, ever be without Hyland's teething tablets.

Also, keep in mind some kids may be allergic to wool and it itches, trust me, I know!:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 07:55 PM

Everyone has mentioned THINGS which are great...but the most important thing I could have done with more of is help. We all think we can, or SHOULD, do it all, or die trying. WRONG!!! When visitors come over, get THEM to make the coffee. Particularly good friends can put a load of washing on, or fold clothes. We have playgroup here, once a week for 2 hours, and it was my lifeline, although I had to try 3 different groups before I found a great one. 16 years later, 6 of us still meet for coffee every couple of weeks. You get to talk over what works, what doesn't...food issues, discipline probs, bed wetting...I used to joke that playgroup wasn't really for the kids, it was for us Mums!!! I was only half-joking. Best of luck,

Cheers,
Pauline

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Sorcha
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 08:08 PM

LOTS of good wishes heading your way, Michelle! No bright ideas at this point...

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: quokka
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 09:53 PM

Sorry, guest above is me - lost my cookie. Some more tips - when baby sleeps, you sleep. It's so tempting to use that time to get things done, but you need to look after yourself. Maybe take a nice long bubblebath. Dinnertime used to always be stressful for me, so make sure hubby helps. If people really want to know what you need, TELL THEM. Don't hold back. One thing I found good for people who couldn't really afford much is a homemade voucher system. 'This entitles you to one hour (or three) of free babysitting' or 'One casserole/foot massage/romantic evening out' - whatever you need.
And you're gonna get lots of advice that won't work as well as stuff that does...I remember a disapproving mother-in-law at the less than pristine state of the house...as long as my kids were fed , clean and happy I didn't beat myself up if the house wasn't perfect.
Cheers,
Pauline

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Sorcha
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 10:34 PM

Since it is adopted, and you are not able to breast feed, a rubber/plastic covered spoon might be helpful after a few mos. The swing and bouncie things are good too!


And, if it doesn't want to sleep, then swaddle it TIGHTLY in recieving blankets fastened with diaper/saftey pins...keep it from stretching out.

Sorry if I refer to he/she as It...but I don't know which, or the name!

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 10:49 PM

Our son was born 19 1/2 months ago, and we're all still here and in good health, so this can be done! One thing that was very helpful is a device called a co-sleeper - for the first several months, our baby slept next to us, which made feeding very much easier. In your case, of course, you're adopting, so your child will be formula fed. You might want to keep a stash of formula near the bed. (You can get little 3 oz. bottles and put a nipple directly on the bottle.) We also found it useful to have a bassinet in the living room - we didn't think we'd use it but it was a real life saver. A Graco Pack and Play was very useful, and it doubled as a second bassinet, and in extremis as a changing table.

Go for the Diaper Champ, not the Diaper Genie. Trust me on this one.

For your carseat, you'll want to make sure you have it firmly and correctly in the car several weeks ahead of time. Car dealers tell you the LATCH system makes everything easy, but it doesn't. It took a certified carseat professional 45 minutes to get ours in, and we had the one of the best (a Graco Snugride). You can get the carseats in travel systems, which is handy - it's great during the first six months to just be able to lift your baby right out of the car into a stroller without waking her/him up. If you're in Europe, I think you can ignore what I said about getting carseats in - I'm told they have a system that actually does work.

My wife reminds me that something good for baths is helpful. We had something called a "bathinet," which I can't find online. Babies-R-Us carries them. You don't need any baby oils, powders or creams. (It is helpful to have A&D ointment for diaper rashes and Eucerin for heat rashes.) You will want a baby wash, of course - and we found it very helpful to have moisturizing hand-sanitizer for the changing table - you're going to be changing a LOT of diapers.

What else? Good cloth diapers to use as burp cloths, even if you're planning to use disposable ones, lots of receiving blankets (practice your baby-wrapping now!), a comfy changing pad, and lots of good books and DVDs for yourself - we watched the Planet Earth series when Kiran was an infant.

Since you're a Mudcatter, you're probably a musician. For me, at least, bad synthesized music is grating, so we asked people to avoid giving us toys with electric music. Instead we had CDs (our baby loved the blues) and us singing (his appreciation was and is the most gratifying thing in the world). We also had a great mobile from Babies-R-Us which had a little wind-up music box inside. If you do get lots of toys with electric music (they are inevitable in the long run), and it does bother you, a piece of tape over the speaker works wonders. As does removing the battery. Most baby toys are designed to look good to people in the stores, not to actually entertain babies - trust me, your child will do fine without sixteen functions on every toy. The best toys are "baby-powered" anyway. But that's just one parent's opinion.

One of the best things you can do right now is pick up a book called Baby Bargains - it has a wealth of information. The other book we found very helpful was the Academy of Pediatrics Guide to Baby Care - a really helpful guide - easy to read and very informative.

I'm sure there's more. Congratulations on your upcoming adoption - I know it will be a wonderful (and sometimes exhausting) experience!

Dan

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 10:57 PM

Whatever you get you'll be okay......We all worry way too much and perhaps adoptive parents worry a bit more....or at least Karen and I did. For parents, we were old at 43.....well I was, Karen was only 34, and we thought we had to do it right so we bought stuff and boiled the living hell out of everything. The kitchen looked like a steam plant. We had different types of bottles, diapers, toys..........two or three times what we needed! By the time Michael came along we had changed!

I am so happy for you and I'll PM some more stuff later. For now just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! And relax.......As the old saying goes about adoptive Moms, the kids don't grow under their hearts but in them!

Much Love and All the Best!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Dec 08 - 11:36 PM

Dan, those look like great products! That snug sleeper looks like a good thing, too. Remember it is important for babies to sleep on their backs as they think that prevents SIDS.

Some of them are a little over the top, but my kids and grandsons also liked having a mobile above their cribs.

Spaw is right, too, though...it will come to you.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Wolfhound person
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 06:38 AM

Find out about local mother & toddler groups (or whatever is the equivalent over there), and go visit before baby arrives. Watch & learn.
Ask around - other mums may have cast-off useful clothing or items. No need to buy new - baby won't care.

Then when you have your new arrival(s)you've already got a lifeline and contact with other mums.

My daughter just bought a designer snow suit (orig price 35UKP) for 4UKP at a nearly new sale. In mint condition. The buggy came from ebay (half-price) etc etc. They grow so fast - clothes will only last 3 months so nearly new is just that.

Save the change for the teenage years / college - you'll need it!!

Paws (grandmother of 3, youngest 6 weeks)

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 08:08 AM

"baby sleeps, you sleep"

can't be said enough times, so I'll say it again.

My first one hardly ever slept, but I learned to put her down for quiet time anyway. "not sleeping" doesn't have to mean "up and needing you". Even now, we have quiet-in-bed-time for all!

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 08:09 AM

(did I mention that baby's 18 now ; )

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 10:47 AM

One very useful thing - someone mentioned the Baby Bjorn, which we have and has been very helpful. Something even better than that, for once the baby's a little older, is the Baby Ergo. Getting the baby in takes practice (or help) but once you do, it's incredibly comfortable for both parent and baby - and either parent can use it. Unlike the big frame baby backpacks, it takes up no space in the car or the house. They are a bit expensive, but worth it.

And you'll also want a grain of salt for all the advice we and others give you. Every parent finds their own way.

Dan

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 10:55 AM

Lots of love and a few good friends to step in when you need a break or a good night's sleep. The rest will fall into place.
Congratulations, Lily. You have already shown yourself a capable and loving Mom.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: open mike
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 01:32 PM

congrats and hope all goes well.
good for you to open your hearts, arms and home...
the world will be a better place....'thanks to
your generosity..what a great christmas present!

my one month old grandson has a good supply of
diaper covers..that just snap or velcro over
diapers...no need for pins, and they also are
waterproof. also there are liners that can be
placed in diapers to make changing the poopie
ones so much easier...

also if this is an infant, you might want to
check into diaper services...to help with
laundry. clean ones deliver to your door!

good luck.
let us know progress reports!!
names, ages, etc!!

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Passing Through
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 03:02 PM

International Baby Decoder

'Nothing is as thrilling as becoming a new mom', says Dr. Maureen O Brien, PhD, child development expert and best selling author of Watch Me Grow: I'm One-Two-Three. 'And nothing is as daunting as having a crying newborn. Mothers everywhere know the feeling of enormous love and responsibility that is the hallmark of becoming a new parent. When I first encountered the work of Dunstan Baby in 2006, the story had already caught the attention of key influencers and the media worldwide, including Oprah Winfrey. I was captivated by the System's potential to empower new parents. To be able to listen and know what an infant needs would revolutionize the experience of parenting... from trial and error (lots of error!) to calm and confident caregiving. It would enable parents to develop a deeper bond of understanding, love and trust with their baby and also with each other. What better way to support new families...' --Dr. Maureen O'Brien, Child Development Expert and Published Author.


Australian mother Priscilla Dunstan has the world talking with the discovery of the secret language of babies. This breakthrough in infant care is the result of one mother's intuition that began nearly a decade of investigation and international research. The Dunstan Baby Language DVD teaches parents the 5 cries all newborns use to communicate their everyday needs from day 1. You will know when your baby is hungry, tired, needs burping, has wind or is simply uncomfortable. By learning this system parents, are able to settle their babies faster, resulting in happier babies who sleep longer and cry less - something every new parent would wish for.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Azizi
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 04:49 PM

Congratulations from one adoptive mom to another!

{Sorry, it's been so long since I parented babies that I don't remember any practical tips other than some that have been mentioned already}.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 10:07 PM

Whoa! There are LOTS of great ideas here! Thank you so much!!! We went to a Baby Depot today and registered some items. It took a few hours and we looked at everything....there is SO MUCH out there! Thanks again and if you think of anything else, please share!!!!!

I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 11:30 PM

I did think of one other thing - there's a cleaner called Nature's Miracle that you can get in pet stores. It's basically enzymes and alcohol, specifically designed for cleaning up after small mammals. I fear I have to tell you you're about to have a rather messy small mammal - especially if it's a boy. We had to clean walls, furniture, ourselves, etc. I really don't want to go into details. Suffice it to say - this is something you'll absolutely use.

Dan

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 11:24 AM

When will you get the final word, Lily? Will you fly to Ethiopia to claim them? Boy or girl? Or both? Ages?

Many of us here adopted our children. Feel free to ask for advice or better yet just an ear to listen. I always hated the advice - all to often it was well-intentioned but unkind. Catspaw and Karen have a wealth of information, wisdom and kindness. Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 12:50 PM

We don't know anything about what gender the children will be. All I know is that one will be an infant and the other under the age of 6. We could get a toddler or a kindergartener, we don't know. I do know that we are really exicted to meet the children. At the moment, it looks like the children will be escorted to JFK/LaGuardia and we will meet them there. If not, we will travel to Ethiopia. :)

Yesterday we went to the local baby store (Baby Depot) and spent hours looking through everything and picking out what we thought was going to be the most useful and safe. Cribs, playpens, swings, carseats, high-chairs, etc. It's amazing to me how much is out there. I never go down the baby aisle at any of the stores as I haven't ever had the need. When I threw a baby shower for my best friend, I did go down the aisles a few times but that was 3 years ago for one very specific event. So...to me, this is like going in the automotive store. I have a basic idea of what is there but getting into the nitty gritty of it all is going to take some learning. My best friend has been giving me lots of suggestions...buy this, don't buy that....this is crap, this is worthwhile. These break, these work better. I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative I am. Books and consumer reports are one thing but I'd rather hear from what real moms and dads have found useful.

    As many parents do, we've made some changes in our life so that we can be the best parents we can. We both strongly believe that if one person can stay at home with the children, that is what we will do. On that note, I handed in my resignation at the beginning of this month. I will be finished teaching in less than 2 weeks. It's a nerve wracking decision for me because I love teaching and I love every single one of my students but as my mom pointed out (in the most loving way possible), they aren't mine. And you know what? She's right. I have loved the children at every single place I have ever worked and I'm sure I will love them the next time I am teaching (may be subbing until our children arrive)....after our children are in the later years of elementary school. It was a hard decision for me to make for NOW but I'm sure the second I see our babies, I won't have an ounce of regret. And BTW, we WILL get to see the children before they come. As the time gets closer, we will get photos and videos (online). Can you imagine? I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!! I live in kind of a remote rural area and am making plans now to check out what is available in our own area. Both my husband and I travel a good distance to work and I used to (and sometimes still do) attend a church that is a hike away....I'd like something closer....and more involved right here in my own back yard.

People have been so kind and genuinely excited for us...it's an amazing thing and after months of keeping this under wraps, I'm ecstatic to share the news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to one and all!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 01:09 PM

Michelle,

Regarding churches-- Would you like us to facilitate a possible "move" to the E. church in Mansfield? Lady priest there is a good friend. Lot of new things going on there, including children's stuff.... They also have an ongoing mission in Namibia, for ongoing multicultural opportunities.

Or do you know Dale (from the Rinkydinks) in Roseville?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Little Robyn
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 01:52 PM

When my daughter was about 4 (18 years back) we discovered and recorded The Elephant Show on telly.
Now we've put them on DVD and our grandaughter, (not yet 3) loves to have them on - she doesn't just sit and watch, she'll sing, dance or just play in the same room. It might look as if she's ignoring it but when the disc ends she lets you know she wants more.
Yes, I know you're not supposed to use the TV as a baby sitter, but the songs on the Elephant Show are mainly folk songs and she's soaking them up like a sponge. It's one way of learning the language.
Plus, its something I don't mind listening to myself - much better than a lot of kiddy shows!
Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 08:51 PM

I have a question for those of you who have adopted....if you adopted a young child (think 3 and under), did you name the child yourself or keep the name that the birth mother gave? I have mixed thoughts on it and wonder what you have done.

Thanks!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 10:04 PM

My son was 8 and kept his name.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Little Robyn
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:39 AM

If he/she has a name in another language then keep it but modify it if necessary for day to day use, so that teachers, neighbors, you yourselves don't have bother with it.
Face it, if a kid is old enough to know his name already, he won't be happy losing it, especially if he's coping with a whole new family.
But a tiny baby is different. Wait until you find out what you might be stuck with, then decide if you can live with it or if the name might be a handicap in later years.
Our grandaughter now lives with us and her name is Kali - that's the Indian goddess with all the arms, with a chopper in one hand and a head in another. I would prefer it if her name was Carly but she's registered as Kali so that's that! At the moment she seems to be growing into the name. (But she's also in the 'terrible twos' so she may grow out of it.)
Her middle name is Robyn!
Robyn

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM

Re equipment: I used to work in a fabric store. I became aware that the soft, cushy items being marketed for cribs (pillows, crib bumpers, baby quilts) were dangerous to babies.

YOu can google 'crib bedding danger' or similar and read all about it.

Re: names: I have a friend whose sister adopted a girl from Guatemala and changed her name to Taylor. In my opinion this was equivalent to hanging a sign on the child that says 'This is what I have instead of the white, middle-class daughter I had always dreamed of.'

Names have cultural and historical associations, and I think a child from Ethiopia should have a name that seems somehow Ethiopian. But neither do you have to retain a name that seems ugly to English speakers.

Robyn, if you have custody of your grandchild, I think you should change her name. It is cruel to name a child Kali.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: maeve
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 11:04 AM

Michelle,

Congratulations! I am so happy for you and for the children who will join your family. "Adoption" magazine (there's an online version as well) makes for interesting reading, and may help you find support in your community.

Warm regards,

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Wesley S
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 11:25 AM

We enjoyed an electic baby wipe warmer. Appling a cold baby wipe to a baby's bottom in the middle of winter can sometimes make for an unhappy child. We also loved our baby moniter with the built in TV camera. It sends a both a sound and visual signal to a small black and white TV you can keep at your bed. That way you don't rush in and disturb your child when they make a noise in the middle of the night. Often they will make a few little peeps and then roll over and go back to sleep. IF they haven't been disturbed by a well meaning parent who rushs in to make sure everything is allright. But you can also see if they have kicked off the covers with out going into the room. I'm pretty sure these sell for about $100 and are worth every penny.

And I second the notion that you want to have a lot of your favorite dishes waiting in the freezer. You'll be too worn out to cook.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 11:36 AM

Food - I wonder how well the older child will take to US food? Might be worthwhile looking ino some ethnic dishes to fall back on.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 11:42 AM

If you're adopting two children of different ages - wow - that's impressive, and it's going to be a challenge. A wonderful, marvelous, joyous challenge, but a challenge nevertheless. With everything we're focusing on for the baby, I'd remember to make plans early on to take the older kid shopping. The usual dynamic with older siblings and new infants is for them to feel that the baby gets all the attention, and to act out - you'll have an older sibling who hasn't even had the benefit of your attention for the past several years. So you'll want to find ways to meet that kids needs, too.

As for soft items - bumpers are okay for infants if they're tied to the crib properly, and can help prevent legs and arms from getting stuck, but you need to remove them as soon as the baby is old enough to stand or climb. Leeneia is right otherwise - no blankets or other soft items at night.

Here's a hint - Ikea has very affordable kids furniture (and really creepy plush toys). Almost all kid and baby furniture is "some assembly required," including cribs and beds and such, so you'll want to give yourself time for that. I spent three hours putting together our crib, which I did in my study since we were still using the nursery as a guest room. Then found I discovered I couldn't get it out the door, so I had to take it apart and reassemble it.

Dan

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 11:53 AM

There is an interesting article about adopting from Ethiopia HERE in the NYTs. You probably already know most of it, but I thought the rest of us might like to read more. There is also a short video.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Azizi
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 01:47 PM

My first son joined our family when he was 16 months old. My then husband and I had a biological daughter who was five years old. We changed our son's name so that he would have an African name like we do. As a way of familiarizing him with his new name and who we were, I sang "My name is Mommy, his name is Daddy, your sister's name is ____, and your name is ____!! [his name was said with more emphasis and excitement than the preceding names}

My second son joined our family when he was 3 and my first son 3 1/2. We also changed his name for the same reason. We sang the same "Who are we" song with my 2nd son. Because he had been with the same foster mother since his birth, his adjustment was much more difficult than the adjustment was for my first son. Initially, I referred to myself as Mama Azizi, but because his new siblings called me "mommy",
and called Daddy "daddy", he quickly did also.

Because my third son to join us was 10 years old when he came, I didn't change his name. However, as an older teenager, he selected an Africanized name, and told me that he felt left out because all the other members of the family had an African or Afro-centric name.
So, perhaps it might be best with older children to ask them if they want their name changed or not.

Btw, Robyn, rwith regard to the name "Kali", are you making an assumption that many children will associate that name with the Indian goddess? I don't think that everyone will do that, especially children

Hope some of this helps,

Azizi

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:00 PM

It's good to remember the symbolism and not take it too literally. Here's a bit about Kali:

The love between the Divine Mother and her human children is a unique relationship. Kali, the Dark Mother is one such deity with whom devotees have a very loving and intimate bond, in spite of her fearful appearance. In this relationship, the worshipper becomes a child and Kali assumes the form of the ever-caring mother. There's more HERE.

As it happens, I have a novel in which the title character, a young girl, is named Kalliandra. Her nickname is "Kally." So far, I haven't had any negative comments.

Sorry for the thread drift.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Lilyfestre
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 02:21 PM

Hi Guys,

    We will most likely be naming the infant but depending on the age of the older child, that name may stay the same....we'll just have to wait and see. We are indeed interested in names that aren't typical of our primarily white, rural area.

I'm liking Bodhi and Anzie (boy/girl) at the moment. Actually, I've loved the name Anzie for years but the boy's name, I'm struggling with a bit....so far, Bodhi is the one that both my husband and I lean towards. We'll see...there's time and you never know what name is going to jump out!!!

   There is a student at the school where I work who had his name changed when he was 4 years old and I think for him, it might not have been a positive thing. Again, I guess we'll have to wait and see but I'm glad to know that some of you did change the names....the reasons are so personal, so thanks for sharing!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 04:04 PM

Having an infant and a sibling closeish in age will be hard work but very rewarding. They should grow up to be close and good friends. Watch out for jealousy in the older child. Toddlers can get night terrors but these can be reduced and got rid of by reassurance and cuddles. We found a good nightlight was great for our toddler.

Being a parent is the best job in the world. I'm sure you will both be great parents.

Khatt, proud mummy to Harry (19 months) and George and Amelia (13 weeks)

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Azizi
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:23 PM

That said, what you name your children is your own business-and is that child's business. However, since you brought up the subject of names, I'll share some thoughts I have on that subject.

Imo, when chosing a "non-standard personal name"[non-standard for the ethnic group or nation where you live],it's important to consider how easy or difficult that name is to pronounce, and whether that name sounds like another word or phrase. If that name does sound like another word or phrase, it's important to consider the meaning, associations, and connotations of that similar sounding or similarly spelled word or phrase. Furthermore, it's important to think about whether that name is associated with someone or something that is considered negative in your country.

Lilyfestre, I don't know how the name "Bodhi" is pronounced. But if one of the children you adopt is a boy, and you name him "Bodhi", do you think that some children may confuse this name with the word "body" and possible tease your son if he isn't well built or even if he is?

I think it's important not to give transracially adopted children personal names that are very different than other names of children where they live since that is one more thing that makes them different in their community. But on the other hand, some Ethiopian names aren't that different in pronounciation from so-called "regular" American names. And giving an adopted child from another nation a name from his or her culture may help that child develop a good sense of cultural pride in that nation.

If you're interested, here's a website on Ethiopian personal names:

http://www.ethiotrans.com/ethiopian_names.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM

I'd go with the existing name and let a nickname occur naturally. If s/he likes the nickname when old enough to make the decison, it can be changed then.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: maeve
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:40 PM

I've sent you a PM, Michelle.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 06:42 PM

Didn't Max name his some Bodhi? I think he pronounces it "Bow-dee." The traditional Buddhist was, as far as I know, is "Bowed-high."

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 07:01 PM

I posted and it seems to have gone away. Darn!

Books. You have to get books early and read to them every day for years. You'll be amazed at their reading and verbal skills when you do this, and don't stop just because they go to school or can read themselves.

Even if you're not nursing, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League is a great book for a lot of issues like feeding, making your own baby food, and the family bed (as has been discussed above).

And I suggested that maybe we should do a virtual baby shower.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Dec 08 - 07:29 PM

Books? WOOO HOOOO, now THAT I have!! I have been collecting children's books for YEARS! We have a great library nearby too, so if I don't have it, chances are they will!!!!!!

We do hope to make at least SOME Of our own baby food as we grow a great deal of the produce that we eat, as well as raise some of our own meat. I wouldn't have thought to look in a book about breast feeding for this subject, but hey, why not? I'll check it out!!!

I'm sure the name thing will evolve as it should and really just looking SO forward to meeting our children!! I am loving hearing from all of you about it....that's the interesting thing about becoming a parent, we are hearing SO much and are learning even more!!! If we go with Bodhi, we will be pronouncing it Bo-di (Long o & long i). As for the girl's name, that is the name of my great, great aunt and I have loved this name forever...Annzinette, Anzie for short. I also really like Gracie and Sadie...all of which are family names. The male family names...well....let's just say we don't like them...Harold, George, Richard....not that there's anything wrong with these names...they just aren't what WE like. DH keeps saying if we get a boy, he wants to name him Elmore. *eyeroll & laugh* Um. No. I know he likes the musician but um, no...just NO! LOL It certainly has led to some interesting and FUNNY conversations!

And naming a child so they won't get picked on...man...that's tough. Kids pick on everything. They make rhymes that don't rhyme, they sing songs, they tease, taunt, etc...they can just be plain mean. I'm off to check out the link you posted to the Ethiopian names...I've seen a few of these sites but can't figure out how to say the names...maybe this one will have a cheat sheet to help me figure it out!!!

I met one couple and their absolutely stunning Ethiopian baby girl and they had pictures of her taken in the outfit she arrived at JFK in....it was the most beautiful little outfit, complete with headband...traditional wear from her country...I love that!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 09:38 AM

I recently read an article in our local paper about a woman who adopted a child from China. She wanted her daughter to retain a working knowledge of her native culture. She was able to find other adoptive parents of Chinese children and togehter theystarted a school/play group with a Chinese teacher who taught them music, dance, Mandarin Chinese, etc. Eventually it grew into an accredited school which is still made up of 70% Chinese adoptees.

An interesting approach.

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Azizi
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 11:04 AM

Here's another website that has a larger selection of Ethiopian names. That website also includes this link to an Australian article on changing the names of adopted children"

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/10/22/1066631507546.html
-snip-

As I mentioned earlier in this conversation, I think what you name your child should be your choice. I believe that there are pros and cons about giving a child a name from his or her biological heritage, particularly in the case of transracial adoption when the name given is very different from the names of other children that child will interact with.   

**

Regarding how to pronounce Ethiopian names, I'm no expert, though I have met some Ethiopian men and women in Pittsburgh, PA and I known some African Americans who have Ethiopian names. However, I don't think you'll go far wrong if you use the vowel sounds that you may have learned in Spanish or Italian.
a-ah
e-a
i=e
o-o
u-oo

Also, with many African names, usually the emphasis appears to be placed on the next to the last syllable.

Fwiw, that's how my KiSwahili name is pronounced ah-Zee-zee {not that I'm suggesting "Azizi" as a name for your child}. Also, for what it's worth, I love the girl's name Annzinette, Anzie" that you're thinking of selecting. The fact that this is the name of your great, great aunt, makes it an extra special name for your child.

Btw, I'm not saying that I like the name Annzinette just because I'm partial to names that have a "z" in them.

:o)

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: GUEST,Lilyfestre
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 10:00 AM

LOL!!!

Sure Azizi, suuurrree...LOL   ;o) *Big Grin*

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Adoption & New Mommy
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 10:33 AM

;o)