BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:34 AM

jack 'er up and let's get on with it then!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 01:34 AM

Sage sighs. A trip to the hospital sure knocks the stuffing out of the Mudcat Tavern. I guess we'll have to transport the tavern to the hospital.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 11:28 PM

Severn, you are missed - come back soon!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:59 PM

TO SEVERN!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the idaho legion responds: TO SEVERN!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: KT
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:20 PM

To Sev!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 05:46 PM

* To Severn *








N.R.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 04:28 PM

To Severn!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 04:04 PM

Raise your glasses for Severn. One of the finest to ever grace this tavern. No long winded toast from me... simply... "To Severn."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 01:32 PM

Oh, dear! Severn overdid it a bit this year and has landed in the hospital. I didn't see him when he crept through the door to the Mudcat Recovery Ward - apparently Nurse Ratched decided to send him to a Baltimore hospital and even arranged a helicopter ride. The woman may have some spark of humanity, but I wouldn't put it past her make him go strapped to the underside like in the old Vietnam war days. There's a thread going about this new event.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:53 PM

That highwayman sang a haunting tune, from outside in the wild snow..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:39 PM

and the background could be heard 'stille nacht, heilige nacht...' from the gentleman of the highway.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:27 PM

Sandra and freda settled down on a warm leather couch by the fire. Bemused, each with a mineral water in hand, they watched as tentacles, ragged clothes, and Nurse Ratched's hat flew past. Come over here, guys, we're better company than that old bag. And listen to the muuuuusic... JennieG glided in, her impish eyes smiling, cloaked in her long thick russet hair and a white lace gown, accompanied by Himself, ever the gentleman. Following them all came a large, dark, fat nosed hairy thing, waddling on a leash made of leather and gumnuts. It sideled up to the fireplace, and settled in for a peaceful nap. It had been hard work, hanging on to that sleigh.


"I told you I saw a wombat" said Freda.

"where have you been, anyway," said Sandra, "away or something?"

JennyG started singing a beautiful aussie Christmas song (is there a lilt of Tamworth in that beat?) and the missiles stopped, the room fell silent, and Sinsull, in her glorious red cape, came and joined the girls.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,frogprince in Minnesota
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM

The kiss has worn off, but no one seems to be looking for frog legs anymore, so frogprince hops up to the sink for a big glug of water and relaxes. It's nice just to be ones self.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:24 PM

If Lithe KT is gonna make the scene, the Handsome Stranger, in his long black duster and slouch hat, will not be far behind. The deep basso rumble of a '39 Indian is heard approaching from over the horizon, and the sound of flying gravel and a sliding stop is heard outside the batwing doors.

He stands in the entry, tall as winter pine and broad as history, his Martin dreadnought slung over his shoulder, and you can tell he's happy today, on account of the bugs on his teeth.

"Merry Christmas, ever'body!"

He moves gracefully to the bar and orders a Guinness.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:11 PM

annoyed, lanky hanky draws down on red fred. the trigger is pulled and a stream of good whiskey hits red in the mouth. fred's own stream of merlot splashes across lanky's chin.

the CGFM is no fool -- waterguns only at christmas [and the rest of the year as well].

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 01:26 AM

Muktuk is not a mukluk.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:25 PM

What part of the moose is that?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: KT
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:01 PM

Knock, knock....is there room for one more? And just in time for EJ's harmonickee?? Been wantin' to come to one of these gatherings for years!! And here's a little treat from the north country to go along with the other goodies~pickled MUKTUK!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 07:14 PM

Let me have a little Scotch with that Scottische, and I'll play a little christmas harmonickee.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 06:11 PM

Spare us de tails... unless ya got pics. I loikes tails I does.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:54 PM

'alright, lissen up, you worthless bags of booze! this here is a decent sort of place, real high-class and toney! anyone who does anything to disgrace the Legion [all took off their hats, caps, toupees, or whatever at the sacred word] will be flogged, lick the latrines clean, and get a good scolding! now...FALL TO AND HELP THESE FOLKS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!!'

and with that the CGFM picked up her accordion and lit into a rousing scottische.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:38 PM

Cutty sark

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:33 PM

Christmas tavern wishes:

Scotch christmas

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 02:07 PM

Rap is clearly feeling better, he's using capitalization again.

Sage drifted away for a while into the kitchen and now has to go a dozen or more posts up the thread and catch up. It'll be back and forth because she doesn't want to burn down the tavern kitchen.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 01:31 PM

Colonel-General Field Marshal Gloriana Hapsburg-Battenburg-Tudor said in her command voice,'Fall in and come to attention!' the rafters shook and the roof threatened to rise at the command, but the idaho legionaires formed up into their usual formatio, described by professional military men as 'a cross between a clot and a morris dance.' in their hurry to fall in some fell on either the pile of pipes [which elicited a very unharnonious sound something akin to the last sounds of a slaughtered pig] or into the pile of banjos [which elicited great cheers].

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 12:57 PM

""Hold a true friend with both hands"" African Proverb

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:13 AM

ewwww!! beak marks on the bagpipe blower!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:57 PM

well, when one hand CAN'T wash the other...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:50 PM

"How nice that gnu remembered to wash his hands..."
This is a nice clean Tavern, after all, sinsull.. If we are going to be inebriated, we can still aspire to the highest levels of personal hygiene. As the First Person Omniscient Narrator, I can testify to this fact, while omitting other less attractive details.
Nudge-nudge. Wink-wink. Say no more.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:38 PM

HMMMMMMM
Rap has only one.
Dare I ask?
I don't want him handling the figgy pudding if...oh dear

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:37 PM

How nice that gne remembered to wash his hands...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 06:58 PM

And the giant squid grabs a banjo and some bagpipes and plays them both at the same time.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 06:57 PM

Well there I was, having a quiet contemplate when there was all this banging on the door!

Well, says I, I can't be having this when I'm trying to contemplate quietly....

Then this beribboned wombattette stuck her nose under the door which is just not on... I mean, I was going as fast as I could....

Then this bobcat wiggled under and started to play with the TP roll.... I ask you!!! Wot a bleedin' liberty, shredding a girl's TP when she needs it most.

I'm going to find a table to sit under - preferably one with a gerbil bottle of gin attached to it.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:59 PM

""Sounds fishy to me""



No, I don't believe it was Angie's Show Place Bar and Restaurant, that I am told is famous for it's clam sandwiches:)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:38 PM

"as planked as a salmon"

Sounds fishy to me.

Sorry about the beers. Let me atone. KEEP. A round on the house!

What? It's yer fault fer servin me too much, Max.

What? Yeah. I was tripped. But, I'd a skipped over it if I was sober so the house should pay.

Hey! What are you doin? I don't see why... okay, I'll leave. Calm down. I know when to shut up. I am not one to go on and on. Why, once, my old man told me to shut up. Damn near starved to death. Wouldn't tell him I was hungry.

(Apologies to Foghorn Leghorn fer stealin that joke.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:54 PM

"We wish you a scary hipness" Gnu sang to the wall behind the trough. "We wish you a hairy Dismas, we wish you a cherry crispness.."here,he zipped up with a flourish..."and a Happy Blue Sphere!" The last line was declaimed with gusto at Rapparee as he entered the facility. They stared at one another briefly, then Rapparee enjoined "So bring us some figgy pudding.." and gnu immediately brought in a high harmony "yes, bring us some figgy pudding, o bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here!" gnu looked perplexed for a split second, then said "well, not necessarily right here." Rapparee nodded ascent and agreed "no, much better they bring it to one of the tables. Out in the pub, you know." gnu turned and gave his hands a quick scrub-off and said "right. Meet you outside then" and he exited the loo.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:13 PM

After sipping far too many Glenfiddich for six hours or so, gnu was as planked as a salmon. Realizing that nature was soon to call, he struggled to get to his feet.

Weaving from side to side on the way to the "little boys room, he reached out for support, collapsing a table, knocking it and a dozen or so full beer to the floor. The proud owners of the drinks were not so happy with Mr. gnu, and rose up to give him a good thrashing as payment for his ill deed.

Plastered, but still quick thinking gnu rose to his feet. Sourrounded by the angry and fiesty lot, gnu raised his fists in drunken combat. "OK, he yelled out, who tripped me?"

The potential combatants looked at each other puzzled, and then gazed apologetically back at gnu. ""It wasn't me said one. Not me either, said the next. Nor me, said another".

Through a intoxicated gaze, gnu spitily replied, O.K. since it's Christmas, let's leave it at that.

He yelled out, Merry Christmas to everyone, as he staggered on his way to the Pissoir.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 01:38 PM

And through the northern door comes Maine's Jim Dandies - 25 kids on various height unicycles performing in formation to Yankee Doodle Dandy!
Kind of like Morris Dancers on crack.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:04 PM

It is chaos and cacophony - some of the pipers are wailing Scotland the Brave at full blast while the others are manfully and just as loudly presenting Amaxing Grace.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:25 AM

then it happens. through the other door explodes the entire idaho legion, already drunk and armed with banjos and bagpipes!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:17 AM

Severn wonders if Santa isn't indeed simply a paunchy pilot himself, and quaffs another Hansen's grapefruit. No, no ordinary elf could make all of those stops in one night. He must be an Elf 16.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

DUCK???????

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM

the door from the south forty opens, bringing with it a blast of miasma so terrible that the needles fall off the tree and all the beer turns sour. the blast hits the ducks and they immediately denuded of feathers. behind it follows a man in filthy rags, one worse that the rest tied around his eyes, tapping his way forward with a stick.

'i be blind pee-YOU,' he says, 'and i be looking for that rascal jim 'awkins, 'im want stole me sunlight soap. have ye seen 'im about?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 04:51 AM

"What could beat having three kings?" Severn wondered. In walks the Red Baron and two other pilots. "Hmmmmmmm. Three aces, I guess....."
"What brings you here?", asked Severn.
"Ve are vorking for Pancho, und he sent us." said The Baron mysteriously.
The pilots, as is their custom, go wash their hands....

Nurse Ratched has decided to resist the amourous charms of the Squid and a bit of a fracas arises in the pit. Cranberry Jell-o is flying everywhere from the fray. The alligator behind the bar (not the bartender with the son) is already handing out cards for a pool on who wins, and when....

I didn't know that Stilly was a Bobcat Whisperer, but the the usually fierce feline, responding to her gentle coaxing, amazingly comes out without a fight.
"Are you the only Bobcat in the tree?", she softly asks.
"Yes", he says, but you are missing a Lynx., She's in there somewhere.
Stilly puts the cat gently down, and goes to rescue the Lynx and the trapped ducks.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: My guru always said
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:44 AM

As soon as the small boy stopped teasing Rusty, she sat back and groomed her fur back into place. As she did so, she heard the conversations of the Kings at the bar and smiled inside. 'That's quite a story', she thought. 'Maybe someone ought to write a book about it, I wonder what will happen next?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:37 AM

The three men entered the tavern, blinking for a second against the light in the bar. Although warm and golden in nature, it stood a sharp contrast to the dark and cold outside. A small boy... whose child is this? someone might have asked. He was the bartender's seven year old son, who stopped teasing the cat, and watched the three men chafe their hands together, after gently placing three wrapped gifts on the bar top. The men sat in a row at the bar and asked for coffee. "Some Christmas cheer in your cups?" and the bartender inclined a bottle of whiskey in their directions. "No, " said the eldest of them, "We've miles to go tonight."

The boy, who stood barstool high, slowly approached, his eyes held hostage by the wrapped and ribboned gifts. The white-haired man said, as if in excuse, "these are for my Grandson" and he sipped the coffee. He smiled and told the bartender "perhaps a little bourbon might be in order," and he nodded at his friends who extended their cups for the pour."I give you," he said, "a very Merry Christmas and a Super Nova" at which the other two chuckled.

The bartender smiled quizzically and the man said "a new supernova has been discovered. We're headed to the Maxwell Planetarium to view it." The bartender poured himself a cup of coffee and said "indeed you do have far to go." He extended his hand and said "Max is my name". The man smiled, put down his cup, and said "I'm James King and these are my two sons. We're amateur astronomers. From back east you know. My daughter lives near the planetarium and we'll be staying with her for the holidays".

Max smiled and said "a new super nova. So it just happened?" The men all smiled, and James said "well, we are just now seeing it. It happened thousands of years ago." Max poured a Sprite for the boy, who had clambered up on a stool near the man. "So," said Max, "when we see it, when you see it, you are literally witnessing the distant past." The man smiled and said "great coffee. We'll have to stop again on the way back. Yes, looking deep into space is like looking back at the beginnings of all things. For me, astronomy is like a religion, I suppose." For a moment, the men were silent as the music and laughter in the background gained momentary sway. As it subsided, James drained the dregs of his cup and laid a five dollar bill on the bar. As he began to button his coat, the two others pushing their stools back, he smiled at the boy and said "what's Santa bringing you? You've been good, I hope."

The boy stared wide eyed, just shrugged, and the man patted his shoulder. That's when he grasped on to the man's coat sleeve and said "you are the three Kings. You know, like in the story. Aren't you?"

James paused, his fingers on the zipper of his leather coat, and laughed gently. "I suppose so," and he looked he looked at his sons who traded grins. The youngest said "and we're chasing a star, too, Pop. I think the kid's on to something."

James lifted the boy from the stool and, squatting in front of him, held up the red and green wrapped package and shook it. "What is it?" asked the boy. The man said "you'll have to wait until Christmas morning to find out,I suppose" and he handed the boy the gift. Max stammered "that..that's awfully nice but.." and James held up his hand and said "I thought it was for another little boy, but I just realized I was wrong, that's all. It's for this boy."

The three Kings went out the tavern door and the boy watched them drive away in a puff of smoke from their exhaust, a light snow just beginning to fall. He turned his head back to see his dad, who was busy with the other patrons. But there, on the worn wood of the bar top, the gift glowed in the back bar lights.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:50 AM

A bobcat? Soft, furry, small? Able to pull it out from its perch? Wow.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:28 PM

...and the rest of the football team emerges....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:24 PM

Clearly the prankster who "served" Ed T really got his goat. He left before he learned that the Mudcat Tavern fare is both free and wide-ranging. Salmon is easy, and there is still some smoked salmon that Sage dropped off in the opening posts.

Sage had hoped that the air displaced by the falling tree would push aside any small animals on the floor in the tavern, but apparently this wasn't the case. Reaching deep into the dense branches, she is able to grasp a soft furry small creature and slowly pull it outward, into the light. But wait, this isn't at domestic house cat, this isn't a barnyard duck, this is a Washington State bobcat that was sleeping in the safety of the tree when it was cut!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:10 PM

...as has everyone else. also his colon, his anterior cruciate ligament, his duodenum, his appendix, his index -- in fact, his entire table of contents.

meanwhile, a stifled quacking is heard from beneath the tree. apparently some ducks were on the spot where the tree landed.