 sj |
||
|
||
BS: New joke thread of 2015
|
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Joe_F Date: 06 May 15 - 10:11 PM Mrrzy: What story is that? I am reminded, in turn, of Grim Grizzle & her recalcitrant cow. DTM: I still don't get it. %^( |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST, DTM Date: 06 May 15 - 08:36 PM "Two crows: attempted murder" Took me two days to get it....duh! Ha ha VG :-) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 06 May 15 - 01:11 PM I am reminded of that story by Doc Watson, about a Baptist, a Quaker, and a recalcitrant cow... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Joe_F Date: 06 May 15 - 12:55 PM A farmer noticed one morning that one of his cows was cross-eyed, so he called in his veterinarian. The veterinarian asked the farmer for a length of hose. He put one end of the hose up the cow's ass, and blew hard into the other end. Sure enough, the cow's eyes straightened out right away. The next week, however, the cow was cross-eyed again. "Hell," said the farmer, "No point in paying the vet again; now I know what to do." So he repeated the treatment, but this time it was unsuccessful. So he called the vet, who arrived promptly & studied the situation. He pulled the hose out of the cow, put the other end in, and then blew. Sure enough, it worked. "Why did you have to use the other end?" asked the farmer. "Hell," said the veterinarian, "I didn't want to use the end you'd had in your mouth." -- Reminds me, vaguely, of a very old insult, I think by Martial, which might be translated freely: It isn't good manners to toast without passing the cup, But, seeing it's you, I suppose you're just being considerate. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,CrazyEddie Date: 06 May 15 - 06:59 AM But Duck quacks don't echo! (Yes, I know that has been debunked, but how could I resist?) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Don Firth Date: 06 May 15 - 12:25 AM ...Is there an echo in here, or am I missing something...? Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 05 May 15 - 03:55 PM THREE LITTLE DUCKS WADDLE INTO A BAR Three little ducks waddle into a bar. "Good afternoon!" the bartender says to the first duck. "What's your name?" "Huey," says the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "And what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." "Good afternoon!" the bartender says to the first duck. "What's your name?" "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "And what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST Date: 05 May 15 - 11:25 AM Two crows: attempted murder. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Jim Carroll Date: 03 May 15 - 03:24 PM somewhat dubious one A new barman gets a job in a pub next door to a day-centre for the deaf and dumb. The Governor takes him through all his duties and teaches him the signs for all the drinks - crossed hands - pint of beer, two fingers three inches above one another - small whiskey, - four inches above each other - large whiskey... etc. Rather nervous, he makes a start on the first morning - and flies it.... not a single mistake during the entire day. Come closing time at three oclock, he goes into the crowded bar to call "time" - total silence, but every single customer is standing or sitting and swinging their hands up to shoulder height in perfect rhythm with each other. Puzzled, he walks into the lounge, only to find that exactly the same is happening - silence, but all hands being swung up and down in rhythm. In a panic, he seeks out the Governor and explains what's happening. "Oh shit" says the Governor, "we'll never get them home now they've started to sing". Jim Carroll |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Louie Roy Date: 02 May 15 - 03:58 PM A lady went into a grocery store to buy some onions and after looking through the produce section she asked the manager where the onions were and he said I don't have any. She became very irate attacking the owner a grocery store with no onions and he told her as soon as he got through with his customer he would explain to her He said lady if you take the car out of carrots what do you have and she said rot, and if you take the to out of tomatoes what do you have and she said matoes, and if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have and she said there ain't no fuck in onions and he said lady that's what I've been trying to tell you there ain't No Fucking Onions |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Jim Carroll Date: 02 May 15 - 03:13 PM Young couple go out on their first date, find a secluded spot and after a while things began to get passionate. "If things are going to go any further", she says, you're going to have to wear one". "Wear one what? he says. "You know" she says. "Don't know what you're talking about", he says. So she explains to him what's needed. "Where am I going to get one of them things this time of night?" he says. "You're in luck", she says, "I always carry one in my handbag in case of an emergency". She takes one out and hands it to him. "What do I do with this? he asks. Rolling her eyes up in frustration, she takes it out of the wrapping and demonstrates by rolling it down her thumb. "Right", he says, and back to the job in hand. After a while she says, "are you sure you've got it on properly, I'm all wet?. "Sure, look", he says, sticking his thumb up. Jim Carroll |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Don Firth Date: 02 May 15 - 02:55 PM Two guys were amusing themselves and each other by coming up the various charades and trying to stump each other. One of the two kept solving the charades consistently, so the other decided he had to come up with a really elaborate one. He hired sixteen strippers and had them partially disrobe, stand in a row in a specific sequence, and face specified directions. The first was bare from the waist up and faced the front. The second was bare from the waist down with her posterior to the front. The next two pairs of women were the same, and the next two had their posteriors to the front. The next eight women lined up in an identical pattern. "It's a piece of music," he said to his opponent. "Can you guess what it is?" His opponent studied the line-up for about a minute, then he said, "AHA!! I've GOT it! It's the 'William Tell Overture!'" The first guy smacked himself in the forehead and said, "You're right. But how did you figure it out?" "Easy," said the other guy. "It's obvious. Titty-rump titty-rump titty-rump-rump-rump,Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Jim Carroll Date: 02 May 15 - 01:09 PM This is supposed to be true, but I've never believed it. My father was a navvy and, because he wasn't afraid to speak his mind he was given the job as spokesman for the men - his main job was to try and get the appalling toilet facilities on the sites improved. The system in those days was, when a site started up they would dig a large pit, place an oildrum at either end and put a plank stretching across to sit on - then they would lower a hut over it. When the pit was full, they would lift the hut off with a crane, fill in the pit and go and dig another one somewhere else on the site. My dad used to tell the story of when he went into one of these huts and found one of his workmates in the pit, up to his knees in the mess, with one arm fishing round underneath, obviously looking for something. "What are you doing Tommy?" "To tell the truth Jimmy, I came in, took my jacket off, hung it over the plank and began to do what I came in to do when my jacket fell in". "For crying out loud, you can't possibly wear it again after it's been in there". "I know that, but my sandwiches are in the pocket." Jim Carroll |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Louie Roy Date: 02 May 15 - 12:17 PM It was rumored that Rastus had 14 inches and Mrs Murphy decided to go over to his house and confront him. She said Rastus I heard you had 4 4 4 goodness sakes |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: frogprince Date: 02 May 15 - 11:30 AM I lived in Chicago for some years, and was a member of the Fort Dearborn Chicago Camera Club. The Club rented space in a State Street office building. I went in the john down the hall one evening and found: "I'm 24, and have 19 inches; phone...." "I'm 19, and have 24 inches; phone...." "Fort Dearborn Camera Club can use two tripods; apply in suite 904". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: BillOC Date: 01 May 15 - 08:55 PM On their first date, the young man took his girl to the fair. "What would you like to do?" he asked. "I want to get weighed," was her reply. So they went to the booth where a man could "Guess your Weight and Height, $1." He correctly guessed she was 5 foot 4 inches, and weighed 105 pounds. Next the boy took her to the merry-go-round, then asked "What would you like to do now?" Her reply, "I want to get weighed." Back to the booth they went, and found that she was still 5 foot 4, and 105 pounds. "Would you like to try some of the fair food?" he asked. "No, I want to get weighed,' she replied. Frustrated, he dragged her back to his car, sped to her home, and cast her out. Then he sped away. "How was your date?" her mom asked. "Wousey!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 01 May 15 - 08:54 PM I didn't see this one in real life but did read about it in a graffiti book. Seems three writers were involved. I like grils. You mean girls! What about us grils? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Louie Roy Date: 01 May 15 - 08:05 PM Johnny was told to write a poem about a bug or roach and this what he wrote as I was going down the hall I saw a cockroach run up the wall. His teacher said very good Johnny but leave the cock out. Now try it again. This is what he wrote as I was going down the hall I saw a roach run up the wall with his cock out |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Musket Date: 01 May 15 - 08:17 AM I did actually see this on a bog wall somewhere many yonks ago. If music be the food of love, play on Shakespeare Fuck DH Laurence. I may have seen but there again may have read elsewhere Some come here to sit and think Others come to shit and stink. On the almost Shakespeare quote, I forget how many wannabe comics in folk clubs contrived this into a song introduction ; If music be the food of love Why don't Rabbits sing like buggery? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,gillymor Date: 01 May 15 - 07:35 AM Spotted above a urinal at eye level: Don't look up here, the joke is in your hand. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: MGM·Lion Date: 01 May 15 - 06:22 AM Since we are into loo-wall graffiti; I once found the following two verses on the walls of adjacent cubicles in the Gents' at Cambridge Circus:- One would think for all this wit That Shakespeare had been here to shit And after all that might be true For Shakespeare had an arsehole too .,,. A man's ambition must be small To write his name upon this wall For even Shakespeare did not write When he sat down to have a shite Now that's what you might call a literary controversy, innit eh? ≈M≈ |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: frogprince Date: 30 Apr 15 - 10:08 PM Not exactly from the church bulletin...a friend was serving his internship from seminary at a little conservative country church, they put an announcement in the local paper, and someone typoed; it was supposed to be a potluckdinner. Men's room wisdom? from a pizza place near Northwestern University, thirty-some years ago: first handwriting:"The pizza here is lousy"; second handwriting: "I'd rather eat the waitress"; third handwriting: "I did; the pizza tastes better". |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Don Firth Date: 30 Apr 15 - 09:34 PM Another gem I first saw on a men's room wall in a local tavern. It's and old one and has adorned many such walls, but it's a classic: Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Don Firth Date: 30 Apr 15 - 09:22 PM As Joe indicates, church bulletins are often a rich mine of some real doozies. Example: Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m.Uh...yeah, that helps a lot.... Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,gillymor Date: 29 Apr 15 - 09:24 PM Note found on the windshield of a parked car: I just hit your car. People are milling about watching me. They think that I'm leaving you my name and address. They are wrong. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Steve Shaw Date: 29 Apr 15 - 07:35 PM A bit rude this one, but talk of graffiti on the walls of gents' toilets reminded me of this, seen on the wall of the gents in the Queen Vic, Loughton, in about 1980: "Linda Lovelace has the nicest teeth I've ever come across." |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Joe Offer Date: 29 Apr 15 - 04:22 PM Well, this isn't really a joke - it's an actual entry from the Parish Bulletin of my Catholic church: Wed. 4/15:
7:00 PM: Gamblers Anonymous -Joe- |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,Pete from seven stars link Date: 29 Apr 15 - 01:09 PM Nice one don. Reminds me of signs I used to see in cafés. ....if the floor is full, please do not hesitate to use the ash tray... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Don Firth Date: 29 Apr 15 - 01:39 AM Seen scrawled on a wall in the men's room of a tavern back sometime in the '60s: "In case of nuclear attack, dive under the urinal. It hasn't been hit yet!" Don Firth |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 29 Apr 15 - 01:22 AM Saw this one on FB. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 23 Apr 15 - 01:55 PM "Not Much Assurance About Insurance CALL CENTER | KANSAS CITY, KS, USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, EXTRA STUPID, TRANSPORTATION (I work for a call center for a nationally known insurance company handling investigations for claims filed on policies that are no longer active.) Me: "Hello, I'm calling from [Company] regarding the claim you filed for your auto accident. Am I speaking to [Customer]?" Customer: "Yes." Me: "Good afternoon, I was calling to discuss your policy with you. Your claim was filed for an accident that happened yesterday, however it looks like your policy with us ended last year." Customer: "What do you mean, it ended? I thought I had insurance with you guys!" Me: "Well, according to our records, your policy expired in June of last year and you never sent in a payment to restart your policy when we sent you our offer to renew." Customer: "So?" Me: "Since you didn't ever send in a payment, then your policy wouldn't restart." Customer: "What do you mean? I never knew I had to send in a payment!" Me: "Well, let me check on something. Is your address [address on file]?" Customer: "Yes." Me: "Was that your address last year as well?" Customer: "Yes." Me: "I am showing that we sent the offer to that address. Do you recall if you received anything from us?" Customer: "Yeah, I used to get things from you guys all the time, but then they just stopped." Me: "Well, did you read any of them?" Customer: "No! Why would I read your junk mail? I'm already a customer!" Me: "That wasn't junk mail! That was your policy paperwork and your bill." Customer: "How was I supposed to know that?" Me: "The envelope says on the outside that there is important information inside pertaining to your policy and even says on the back to not discard the letter until you've read it." Customer: "I don't pay attention to any of that; it's all junk mail. You're just trying to get me to buy new things!" Me: "In this case, we were trying to prevent your policy from ending." Customer: "Why didn't you say something to me?" Me: "We did! In fact, we send the first notice two months out to give you a warning that the policy is going to end soon, then another one a month out giving you a 30 day notice…Then we sent one after it ended to remind you to purchase new insurance or to contact us to restart your policy with us. I also show that your agent called you twice before it ended to see if you wanted to come by his office to pay it." Customer: "Well, I never got any of them!" Me: "You just told me that you had, but you didn't read them." Customer: "I didn't! So, I never got them, because I didn't know that's what they were!" Me: "I'm sorry… but you're saying that because you threw away our letters reminding you to pay that it means you never got them?" Customer: "Exactly! I shouldn't have to read mail from you guys. You should just tell me when I need to pay something!" Me: "We did… like I said, your agent also called you. Did you get his calls?" Customer: "I was busy, so I never called him back." Me: "And this was all a year and a half ago. Your insurance card says that the policy period would end." Customer: "I thought it was just old, but that you'd send me a new one." Me: "If you don't open our mail, how would we send you a new one?" Customer: "By CALLING me first and telling me you were sending it." Me: "But you hadn't paid, and you weren't returning the agent's calls!" Customer: "So? It's not my fault that you guys don't know how to get it to me!" Me: "I'm sorry, sir, but we're not going to be able to cover this. You haven't had insurance with us for almost a year and a half. You've confirmed that you got our mail, you got the agent's calls, and you never responded. You've not been paying insurance with us." Customer: "And?" Me: "So, we're going to be denying this. I suggest you contact your agent if you want to restart your policy, but we cannot do anything for this accident." Customer: "So what about my car? Can I get it fixed now?" (Face to desk.)" from http://notalwaysright.com/ |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,gillymor Date: 22 Apr 15 - 10:14 AM LOL |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST Date: 22 Apr 15 - 10:11 AM Probably all of us can understand this frustration! Please enter your new password: "cabbage" Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. "boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. "1 boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. "50bloodyboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. "50BLOODYboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. "50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessnow" Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. "ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow" Sorry, that password is already in use. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Hamish Date: 21 Apr 15 - 11:36 AM People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones. But those in Abu Dhabi do. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 20 Apr 15 - 06:41 PM I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 20 Apr 15 - 05:33 PM You hear about the guy with a premature ejaculation problem? He came out of nowhere. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 20 Apr 15 - 04:22 PM The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away, a whim away... (ducking and running for cover) |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 18 Apr 15 - 12:37 PM Father and Son Relationship I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink. Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it – so I drank it. Then I got him a Samuel Adams, he didn't like it either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Coors and the Bud. By the time we got down to the John Jameson Dublin Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller back home. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,Sol Date: 16 Apr 15 - 03:05 PM ^ ^ ^ Anybody on her from Bletchley Park? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 16 Apr 15 - 02:27 PM Dang. Old age, aluminium and lack of omega 3 fatty acids Sorry 'bout that. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 16 Apr 15 - 02:07 PM A grandmother was minding her teenage grandson. He walked over to her and said, "Gran, have you seen my 'medication' container? It has LSD written on it." The gran replied, "Forget that. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 16 Apr 15 - 01:23 PM This may be a duplication, but here it is: "Henpecked?" Up in Heaven there were two lines: One with a sign that says, "If you were Henpecked, line up here", the other saying, "If you weren't henpecked, stand here." One day St. Peter was looking at the new arrivals, and he saw the "Henpecked" line going on forever, while the "Non-henpecked" line only had one guy standing in it. St. Peter walked up to him and said, "You mean to tell me you were never henpecked in your whole life?" The guy said, "Well I guess not; this is where my wife told me to stand." and an Oldie but a Goldie: "Do You Have Control?" There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remained quiet. After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow said, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked. The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Mrrzy Date: 07 Apr 15 - 01:09 PM Dr. to old patient, I have good news and bad news. Patient: What's the good news? Dr: You have Alzheimers. Patient (screams) what's the bad news? Dr: You have AIDS. Patient, relieved: Well, at least I don't have Alzheimers. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 06 Apr 15 - 07:15 PM Just in from a friend on email. A teenager says, "Grandma, have you seen my pill container? It's labelled L.S.D." Grandma replied, "Forget that. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,Pete from seven stars link Date: 06 Apr 15 - 05:36 PM Good one gnu, made me laugh. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: gnu Date: 06 Apr 15 - 01:00 PM And old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became2015-04-06_0752 very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired. Dr. Young: — "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ?? Dr. Geezer: — "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Dr. Young: — Aaagh !! — "This is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500." Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, — that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500." Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so — " Here's your $1000 back." Dr. Young: "But this is only $500…" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500." Moral of story — Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Mr Red Date: 27 Mar 15 - 02:46 AM Gurney don't think this is the website you thought of but it serve a similar purpose. lonweb.org Rabinovich fills out a job application form. The official is skeptical: "You stated that you don't have any relatives abroad, but you do have a brother in Israel." / "Yes, but he isn't abroad, I am abroad!" Since the election of Vladimir Putin, all jokes about Vovochka shall be considered political. "Vovochka" is a diminutive form of Vladimir, creating the "little Johnny" effect The teacher asks the class to produce a word that starts with the letter "A"; Vovochka happily raises his hand and says "Asshole!" The teacher, shocked, responds "For shame! There's no such word!" "That's strange," says Vovochka, "the asshole exists, but the word doesn't!" |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: GUEST,# Date: 26 Mar 15 - 07:45 AM Rec'd from a friend via email. 'You just have to love little Thelma Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Thelma's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "The Isis group," she says. "Why them," her father asks in shock? "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to them, they'd love everyone a lot. And then they'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and how they didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of them." ' |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Gurney Date: 14 Mar 15 - 06:29 PM Years ago I used to visit a site just called 'Ass.' I couldn't read most of it as they used a cyrillic alphabet, but they had an English-language joke page that was hilarious, possibly because they were translated local jokes and not published elsewhere, so I'd never heard them before. I'd like to find it again, if it still exists. I've heard most of the jokes coming up here, or variations thereof, after liking jokes for about 65 years. I just skimmed through everything that came up when I searched for ass. If anyone knows the site, or a search engine that might help, please tell me. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: New joke thread of 2015 From: Joe_F Date: 14 Mar 15 - 05:26 PM What happens if you don't pay your exorcist's bill? You get repossessed. |
